#i'm not even mad at him... i mean i am... but i dont resent him... i mean i do... what i mean is: i dont think he's a bad person. that one.

[quarks-pussy]

People I will tolerate following me: vaguely conservative patriots who mostly like posts about guns and cars and occasionally star trek

People I will apparently block on sight: Anyone who wishes harm on my fictional wife from another fandom even jokingly

[bonefall]

I know you like Nightheart, but what about NightSun? I think you've brought up the issues with Nightheart X Sunbeam before, but I don't remember if it was a dedicated post or not.

Ok so like, to understand why I do not like NightSun, it's important to know why I like Nightheart.

I like Nightheart as a young, arrogant person who is the cause of many of his own problems in life. He doesn't mean to be the way he is, but it's as if everything he says comes out twice as mean as he wants it to, and the first of every thought is the worst one. While he resents the legacy of Firestar that he's part of, it also FRUSTRATES him that he isn't treated like the prodigal little hero he feels like he is.

It's an inferiority complex and a superiority complex, but he doesn't know that. He's intelligent, but he isn't wise. So he grabs at all these different complaints; "Why does no one see me for my own achievements?? I can't be what you want me to be. Let me prove myself! No, not like that, I'm not a child I'm a warrior!! Who do you think I am? Who do you think YOU are?! Why is everyone being so mean to me!?"

So, what I LIKE about ASC is watching him make messes, as he thrashes around to get loose and only ends up tangling himself even further into his troubles. He's fun when he's making shortsighted choices that should be ruining his relationships and putting himself in danger. What I DON'T like about ASC is that "fuck around" never becomes "find out."

I would have liked NightSun a lot if it was a story about how Sunbeam's complacent, conflict-avoidant personality crashed into Nightheart's self-absorbed, passionate nature like pop rocks and coke. They feel like such a unique, compelling sort of toxic to me. I LOVE the way that Sunbeam just immediately allowed Nightheart into her Clan, just straightup ignoring the red flags. I liked the way that Nightheart responded to his problems by running away from home, POSITIVE that his Tigerkin would treat him better than his Firekin.

Unfortunately, it seems like they're playing it straight. Nightheart left her ass alone THREE times when she asked him not to, and she's just shrugged her shoulders. Nightheart's already talking about babies and they're cooing at each other. It's painfully boring.

Why can't the writing team ever do toxic relationships on purpose? Why is it that when it looks like a relationship SHOULD be barreling towards a terrible conclusion they just end up playing it wholesome and soso sweet (Star Flower x Clear Sky, NightSun), but when they intend for two cats to be the obvious, perfect choice for each other (Bramblesquirrel, Turtle Tail x Gray Wing) it ends up absolutely radioactive?

(Side note, isn't it weird that StarClan was able to DM ThunderClan and tell them "hey, dont be mad that nightheart's leaving for the 400th time" but Frostpaw comes back with legitimately important information and Splashtail is able to go "nuh uh." GOD Nightheart's life is so easy)

TL;DR NightSun should have gone down in flames and we were robbed.

[ikemenomegas]

jesus christ i just saw your latest jjk post and i am devastated <33 i feel like the alpha bursting into manic laughter rather than bursting into tears is a much more powerful imagery imo. Combined with your nightmare explanation, the combination of the alpha feeling bitter about the whole thing and then in the latest thing you posted, mentioned cliffs and why sorcerers dying young gives off such a raw feeling of hopelessness, despair and bitterness. The scene where the alpha starts laughing manically was giving when gojo confronted toji after toji thought he died. And that desperate moment where the alpha wants gojo to tell him if there was any hope left at all. I like that moment because its like the alpha wishing desperately for some assurance that things would be okay in the end even when its clearly looking that it wont. I wouldn't be surprised if the alpha starts slowly descending into madness like geto bc when the alpha got his bondmark removed, i got the vibe of the resentment starting to boil over. resentment towards whom? i dont think its all necessarily directed at gojo but rather at the situation. and the moment gojo steps out of that box, id imagine that his mate wasnt the same person he remembered, especially recalling the last lines in your nightmare post:

But what he doesn’t see, behind the mask Satoru wears and Shoko’s distance and Suguru’s death and your silence is that you all became monsters. Maybe Gojo Satoru chose to keep you close because for a while you were the only one left.

If the kids don’t come back, you think it might just be enough.

Gojo Satoru isn’t the only nightmare in the world after all.

The alpha's response to everything was always silence and the thought of them finally going apeshit and releasing all their pent up anger and feelings is something ill def think about everyday.

Thank you so much!! I cannot believe you put so much thought into this and that you actually went back and put in the quote! I really appreciate you saying that this stuff sticks with you. It sticks with me unless I get it on paper so now we all suffer together haha.

I'm really glad that what I was trying to put off came through. You're absolutely right that this alpha has spent a lot of time telling themselves that somehow "things are okay". They are starting to teeter over into that place that Geto ended up - where all of your sacrifices, all your pain, once meant something and now it doesn't mean anything. Sorcerer's aren't supposed to have "ideals" or lofty principles which they fight for.

If you've seen the "sorcerer rules" that gege wrote, it mostly boils down to: fight curses, don't tell normal humans that you're doing it, and listen to the jujutsu elders. We've seen before how the ones who do find a less selfish goal end up dying in ways that are terrible, often some way avoidable, and also directly related to their goal (the jujutsu code does not ask for lethal self sacrifice or suicide, but based on cultural context, would not be considered dishonorable. ie nanami could have turned around and gone for healing/help but he didn't and saved the students by sacrificing himself).

This oc has a lot more empathy than Satoru or Suguru - they can see why people make bad decisions, understand and even forgive them for it. They have the maturity to deal with people regardless if a bad decision is going to threaten the lives of the people they love or are obligated to protect. But apart from being more emotionally tuned in, they are very much like Suguru - including the part where they keep their silence until it just becomes too much, it doesn't mean anything anymore.

There are a lot of aspects of their relationship with Gojo that are just not tenable. They give him a lot of leeway because their relationship is built on contract, and because they do understand him somewhat. There are things they can't talk about, can't deal with, even though they have deep affection for one another, because of their job. And you're right, that's not Gojo's fault, but it also kind of is. The alpha doesn't want to pressure or rely on him like the rest of the world, but if you can't rely or lean on the other person in the relationship, then even if there's mutual understanding and even love, what does that mean when one of the people is left alone? The alpha may feel like they weren't relying on Gojo, but the truth is even his presence is stabilizing - in a mated pair, that bond is there even when you can't feel the other half and now it's gone. The alpha would love some honest reassurance or at least someone to tell them which way the world is going to tilt, because you're right they know they can survive without Gojo, but without the kids (and loving your kids is a very different relationship than loving your spouse) they don't know which way the world is tilting. I also never though gege would kill Tsumiki, but that's another raw wound there because she was never supposed to be involved in any of this. The panels imply that Gojo and Megumi canonically kept this from her and if she were herself she'd be mad about it (which I sort of break because alpha has a less obvious technique and has done things for Tsumiki before that technically show their powers).

To quote you: "Sorcerers dying young gives off such a raw feeling of hopelessness, despair and bitterness" precisely. I don't think anyone can look at a situation where children and teenagers and young adults experience more trauma and grief than most people encounter in their entire lifetimes and are not bitter that the people they love who experience this don't get to experience an equal amount of joy or love or appreciation or happiness before they perish.

This OC has a lot of tolerance. Their technique (like how most techniques relate to theme and personality) is partially centered around that. How much can you take before you break? For this oc, the answer is a lot more than most. I haven't written this part yet but they were injured in the Toji fight as well. They just weren't broken by it they way Gojo and Getou were. Riko's death hurt, sure, but they had failed before and knew what the sorcerer system did to show you that failure was possible way more intimately than the other two did. In this way, the OC and Shoko mirror one another.

This is the arm breaking moment, this is the week they start to crack, and the way their technique works is either they break or something else has to, because all that pain and pummeling has to go somewhere.

The fun part about this OC is they're Gojo's age-ish, so I get to do something shonen anime doesn't often get to, and show that adults still have growth and power-ups! If negative feelings are related to cursed energy etc and unlocking your own mental blocks in order to use it, well... depending on how things go in the manga there's some potential directions for oc to get some payback.

[dothemindything]

dont worry, most people are probably even less safe at home! a lot of people are less vigilant when they think theyre safe and some dont even keep their doors locked all the time!!!! the real mistake is in assuming you are ever 100% safe anywhere you go. my most recent home security methodology, aside from locking the doors and windows and adding a handful of traps, is twofold. ive convinced the town that this abandoned house is haunted, which keeps away all the superstitious types but sometimes i get too into the role which is how i end up getting singed (not that fire of all things bothers me that much), and that the house is full of asbestos, which keeps away the practical minded people and lets face it, it honestly might have asbestos anyways! once the location has been established as a no go around town, i can just dump the angel there and check on him for a few minutes maybe once a month, and i just go do whatever the rest of the time! thats still probably the best system in the longterm though, because like, have you ever met an actual angel? not the puny little runt kind that treekat found, but a real legit one? because i am entirely confident in your abilities, but i think just finding and trying to make contact with their mind might literally melt you

(p.s. i would like to add that i tune out most of whats on my dash save for when my incredibly uncommon name pops up!!!!!!!! i resent your accusation that *im* the depraved one for having a few questions about where your “repurposed, but dont ask what the original purpose was” chains came from, and i ****especially**** resent you going off on a tangent about the depraved carnal desires the rest of us have when you are one of the few people that knows what happens when i try to pretend to be normal and clean like your royal majesty. its fine if you arent interested in activities of a sexual nature, but you dont have to be a weirdo about it @-@)

UUUGHGHGHHH FUCK. OKAY. I'M SORRY, BALIT. BUT LIKE, FOR REAL. IT JUST WASN'T GREAT FOR MY FIRST INTERACTION OF THE MORNING TO CONSIST OF ME BEING ACCUSED OF SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO. BUT THE WAY I WENT ABOUT MY REBUTTAL CAST A VERY POOR IMAGE. MY AGGRESSION HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH SEXUALITY AND EVERYTHING TO WITH BEING FRAMED AS A LIAR, EXCEPT THAT ISN'T REALLY AN EXCUSE WHEN I'M PUSHING DOWN SOMEBODY ELSE AT THE SAME TIME. NOT EXACTLY THE MODEL OF INTEGRITY, RIGHT THERE.

I WAS JUST MAD. THE CHAIN THING HAPPENED TO COME TO MIND BY ASSOCIATION, BUT I SHOULDN'T HAVE DRAGGED YOUR NAME INTO THE SITUATION, AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE ARGUED BACK THE WAY I DID. I'M SORRY FOR INVOLVING YOU, AND I'M SORRY FOR THE IMPLICATIONS OF MY DEFENSES. I'M ALREADY OVER IT AND I REGRET THE WAY IT WAS HANDLED. MY YOUTUBER APOLOGY IS PENDING, BUT I HOPE YOU CAN OVERLOOK MY RECKLESSNESS IN THE MEANTIME. NONE OF THAT WAS MEANT TO TALK DOWN TO YOU. SO AGAIN, I'M SORRY. I UNDERSTAND IF YOU CAN'T BELIEVE MY SINCERITY, AFTER I USED THAT ENTIRE SITUATION TO PROP IT UP, BUT I DO WANT TO AT LEAST TRY TO EMPHASIZE THAT I MEAN IT.

..ON THE OTHER HAND, ALL I'M HEARING IS THAT KARKAT MIGHT HAVE ASBESTOS, WHICH FEELS LIKE AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT WAY TO DRIVE TREEKAT CRAZY? AS FUNNY AS IT IS TO THINK ABOUT HIM LYING AROUND IN A HUT SOMEWHERE, I JUST THOUGHT I'D OFFER SINCE I'D BE ABLE TO WATCH HIM FOR MORE THAN A FEW MINUTES AT A TIME. I'M NOT VERY SCARED OF ANGELS, SINCE I'M PRETTY SURE DIRK'S TERROR SCENT SERVES AS SOME SORT OF WARD FOR HOLIER SPIRITS, AT LEAST BY SBURB LAW.. BUT I'M NONETHELESS CONSCIOUS ENOUGH NOT TO CLAIM EXPERTISE IN A VERSE I'VE NEVER TOUCHED.

JUST CONSIDER IT RESERVED BOOKING IF YOU EVER CHANGE YOUR MIND. I'D RISK SOME MELTING FOR T'S POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW, OR WHATEVER.

HE WAS MY FIRST PATIENT, YOU KNOW. GUESS I STILL HAVE A SOFT SPOT.

[kinkymagnus]

Oh, don't worry about disagreeing with me. Everyone has a right to their own likes and dislikes, and no one should make them feel bad about those or in need of justification. It is the different viewpoints on the same subject that make a fandom, story plot, or dynamic so diverse. It also gives the opportunity to experience things from different perspectives. If everyone just agreed on and did the same thing, imagination might just become stagnant and die. Also, you are very polite and respectful in voicing your opinion, so I would never be mad about it.

I like the occasional possessive character (and sometimes even when it borders into the unhealthy, toxic kind of behavior, but I have to be in a special mood for those stories), but usually, I like it more in a ... how to say this, appreciative way? Like "I know what I feel for this person and I will treasure them and these feelings with all my might for as long as possible and yes I'm showing off my happiness. This is *my* love." (don't know if I was able to explain the kinda vibe I feel with this)

On the jealousy front, that's a little more difficult. For me, I enjoy jealous characters *if* the narrative doesn't turn melancholy and dramatic because of it. Like, the jealousy isn't in relation to the character not trusting their partner (like "this other person can give them so much more, they will surely leave me for the better option"), and not about them being angry that their partner is having a good time or anything like that. But more like "I love their laugh. I kinda resent the person that made them laugh like that a little bit right now, but just you wait, I will make them laugh like that as well." (again, not sure if I was able to explain the sentiment here)

Anyway, let me repeat that it is always okay to choose to not engage with content or story/character angles that you are not comfortable with. Or even to steer something that could go two ways into a direction that agrees more with you, even if the one asking was probably trying to go the other way with their ask.

I'm glad to hear that you still like discussing Malec and (sub) Magnus, even when you don't feel motivated to write for them anymore.

I will probably be back with more randomness soon. Hope you have a wonderful day :-)

<333 i just don’t want to be like “well cool if you like that but i DONT” ldkgjfdfg you know

yeah i mean to be fair, sometimes a story with a jealous/toxic/whatever character can be good, i just prefer like. i can enjoy that kind of story, but i want it to be like. for characters that are that, rather than bringing them to my blorbos/otps that Arent like that. does that make sense? it’s the same with like “dark” fics--i don’t mind dark fics! if they’re for something like, a darker canon. if that makes sense. like, i mean, for some reason the only example that comes to mind is hannibal even though i haven’t actually seen it--i would read hannibal fanfiction for fucked up codependent cannibal boyfriends. i would not read malec fanfiction for fucked up codependent cannibal boyfriends. you know? i don’t like making my blorbos that aren’t Already That dark/toxic/etc.

yeah i get that--there’s this certain brand of like. i think it’s technically possessiveness but it doesn’t feel like that to me because it’s not like... okay, actually, it’s like, a dragon’s hoard. but it’s “this is MY treasure and he is pretty and perfect and i am showing him off but he is Mine and only I get to have him :)” versus like, more traditional/classic evil dragon guarding hoard and being like, idk, controlling and like nobody else can have him (whether he likes it or not) rather than omggg no one else gets to have him bc he chose me and i chose him and hes mine and im his :) you know what i mean? yeah that was sooo coherent thanks me

but like, showing them off and treasuring them and being glad they’re yours and you get to have them with you but like, almost like. smug like yeah that’s right they chose ME and they’re MINE and i’m THEIRS. rather than being controlling its more--yeah, appreciative! like you said.

yeah, that’s fair, i can get behind it when it’s kinda silly and sweet and like they both know it doesn’t mean anything but they can’t help but be like “>:( but im prettier right. right” or whatever, just a little. although i think it’s less “i resent they made them laugh :/ *I* will make them laugh” because usually blorbos i like are too busy going “😍 oh.... their laugh...” bc anything that makes their lover happy makes them happy (i love couples who simp for each other a bit ldkgjdgh) but like, the general idea of like. it’s not about trust it’s just a silly little like. thing dflkgjdfg im so elegant

oh i LOVE discussing it, i just have low energy 😩 but some of the other fandoms im more active in right now aren’t really ripe for nsfw content so i miss writing it :( feel free to keep sending asks! i might take forever to respond but i Will eventually

[mokutone]

tags from @kakashihasibs on this post

#ive been thinking about this post all afternoon and evening and night lol #i dont think we see yamato outwardly express anger ever (at least in the episodes we see) #like the closets he gets is when he's annoyed at naruto and even then that seems more playful or frustrated than properly angry #even when he is yelling at Bee and Naruto he doesn't seem ACTUALLY angry #but like how could he not be angry? #like everything that's happened to him? to people he loves? it's gotta be in there #you can't face the evils he's faced and not come out the other end at least a little angry #yam is too nice for his own good #sometimes #I think the biggest reason he represses his anger so thoroughly is bc i think a part of root is specifically repressing 'negative' emotions #i feel like i can remember a line from danzō about how emotions can lead to hate #but also focusing so much on the 'negative' emotions might be to keep root agents from turning that anger and resentment towards #Danzō and root itself #like another way of keeping kids in line is teaching them anger (especially justified anger) is a dangerous emotion #and with the extra focus on that perhaps that still something yamato isn't able to express properly #but also yam cares a good deal for naruto and probably for Bee too #he might not WANT to be angry at them #maybe he keeps it repressed so he doesnt lash out at someone he loves? #hmmmmmmmmm #i love him #someone needs to needle him until he snaps #get that anger out my guy #at least in the episodes that I'VE** seen #i did not mean to say we #whoops

enthusiastically points at these tags. enthusiastically points at these tags. enthusiastically points at these t-

im going to chatter abt them below the cut specifically i think about. why he might be afraid of allowing himself to be angry + im gonna talk a lil bit about danzō + root's role in all this i think.

image descriptions for all images are in alt text

SO!!!! YEAH!!!!! YEAH EXACTLY...

these tags are so very right...we do see him get frustrated, or have that knee jerk kind of "no!!! you're horrible!!!" reaction at Naruto + Killer Bee when they scare him shitless, but ur right...that's not a serious anger that's a "You scared me!!! don't do that I was worried!!!!" and annoyance at most. frustration. it comes and it passes easily...

alas that kakashi is VERY good at needling him (admittedly in a friendly and affirming way), but yamato probably would want to be mad at kakashi least of all!

i think you're right that he probably doesn't want to lash out at the people he loves, or risk hurting them especially with an emotion he doesn't or won't let himself understand well

but also. i think he might feel a lot of guilt tied up in his anger as well...so it's not just an "I don't want to hurt the people I care about" thing, but also kind of a,

"What right do I have to be this mad?" "Do I feel I'm deserving of better treatment? Better circumstances? I am and have been incredibly lucky. What a selfish thought."

type of deal. which is. ough.

LIKE. the way he might see it...he was the Only one of the 60 mokuton kids in the lab to survive (how lucky)

and then when he did survive danzō was like. "if things had gone even slightly differently, your life would've only been that of an experiment, but he lost interest in you, and I picked you up." (how lucky)

and then, amongst all the Root shinobi, danzō, the leader of root, decides to train him personally, indicating a particular favoritism or attention towards him (how lucky 🤮)

this one particularly i want to point at.

because if Danzō singles Kinoe out as a favorite, all of these other Root shinobi, especially the other kids who are completely emotionally neglected...would likely feel jealous of the attention and favor that Kinoe receives, perhaps especially because he's young, perhaps especially if he is not the strongest (what has he done to deserve such special attention? etc etc)—which would isolate Kinoe even within the already isolating experience of being in Root.

its technically a position of privilege, but the privileged is of being the closest in proximity to the worst man in Konoha, instead of waiting to the side, trying to draw his attention and approval. And the "benefits" might include the jealousy and judgmental eye of Kinoe's fellow agents.

(no wonder he latched onto Kakashi so fast, if that was the situation. Kakashi has his own problems with Being Nice and everything, but if Kinoe is hearing "you aren't worthy of the abuse you're receiving" the fact that Kakashi thinks that Tenzō is not just worthy of sparing but. worthy of rescuing. even when Kakashi's recovering from Kinoe's attempt on his life. is. well. How could he even begin to process that?)

but ah. but still...when Tenzō departs Root for the final time, he thanks Danzō for everything he's done for (to) him.

(And, in the Tsukkuyomi, Yamato expresses a want to take over team Kakashi, and then an immediate guilt and horror at his own selfishness, for wanting the spot which Kakashi occupies, when he had a position at Anbu he was supposed to return to. Who is he, to want something like that? Who is he, to want what Kakashi has?)

Does he understand that he doesn't have to be grateful all the time, for everything, for the slightest scraps? I worry so much! Does he know that he doesn't have to thank people for not having been worse to him? Yamato, you're allowed to ask for more! You're allowed to want things!

I think that working alongside Sai has to be both extremely good and fairly painful for him in this regard. I'm sure Yamato could find a way to forgive or excuse Danzō's actions towards himself—especially if he thinks he was in some way lucky to have that situation.

But Sai? Sai is a different person. Sai isn't him, doesn't have his baggage—maybe he can see in Sai, what he cannot in himself! A kid who didn't deserve any of that, and is struggling in the aftermath. I like to think that, even if Yamato could forgive Danzō at the time for how he was treated, he could not ever forgive Danzō for how Sai has been treated.

I think he gives Sai a lot of leeway in expressing himself and picking fights with his teammates that he might not if he wasn't aware of Sai's situation, because I think he knows how important it is to let Sai uhhhh. hm. To let sai be completely fucking unhinged, for a bit. A line has to be drawn sometimes, but.

Yamato voice: I think he should be allowed to be a little malevolent. As a treat. Get it out of his system.

anyway. god. this reminded me of a comic i'd started Literally About This Concept that I absolutely forgot I was trying to work on

[pinkopalina]

you dont have to add more to this i just have more silly ideas and would like to send them to you <3 cos you mentioning your brain being fried gave me more ideas hahahhaa IM SORRY THIS IS SO LONG

Robotnik being Very Very Overworked and just. Having been working for way too long with way too little sleep and also way too little sustenance besides coffee probably. Even with with the crazy way he works, he does have a limit. And that limit is now. He's so tired he cannot think, and his hands are shaking, and like everything is a blur-

When Stone comes to try and tell his doctor to rest, Robotnik snaps at him, more viciously than he usually does. Something really really bothers him, really really gets under his skin. It's the whole robot thing, actually. He cannot even BEAR to look at Stone right now cos he's so dang salty about this stupid guy being a stupid robot meaning he has no stupid bodily human limits and can keep going and-

Well it turns out he's so tired he didn't realise it came out as a verbal angry rant right into Stone's face- Cos Stone is like :o :| :/ >:/

Like USUALLY this is something Stone would take with no problem, he gets yelled at all the time and he doesn't really mind, but this is different. This is his doctor not taking care of himself and that's not okay. In this case he has to grab the doctors hands and literally be like. "Doctor."

Does he remember what happens when he does not let his Badniks have their scheduled charging time? Does he remember how his systems behave when he postpones their daily system restart? Does he remember how even Stone's memory stutters and falters when he has not had a proper charge and reboot cycle in too many days, RAM stuttering and chugging with unsorted data and full of noisy junk, batteries struggling to keep up with a constant supply of barely enough power from the charging points around the lab. Even the doctors perfect creations need rest.

Doctor. Your body requires system maintenance. Take a break. Please.

I FINALLY ANSWERED THIS! this is so amazing GOD I love it. here here you go been thinking abt this.

hehe.

god omgf can i just say? what a lucky little fandom nut and bolt i am to get such good FOOD IN MY MESSAGES??? THIS IS SO FUCKING DELICIOUS IM LIVING FOR EVERY OUNCE OF IT THANK YOU FOR SENDING ME THIS STUFF!!!

god this makes me realize just how much i miss roleplaying too!! i just realized. i looooove building ideas hehehe

+ you know, i actually misread this at first and imagined *stone* being the one who was overworked and his brain was fried. almost literally. and it turns into him having a bad day. and not working at his optimal level, and robotnik snapping at him out of some kind of blend of jealousy and resentment. and stone just sighing and his eyebrows getting all furrowed and mad at both the doctor and himself, annoyed that he's annoyed, annoyed that he can't think straight. and then robotnik realizes that STONE is the one who *he* hasnt maintained as well as he should have. his most precious creation and he hasn't even bothered to make sure he was caring for himself. because stone had been too busy caring about the doctor to bother. stone hasn't had an update or a recharge in a WEEK and he hasn't been restarted for his monthly update in TWO months. so far behind. so desperately running on outdated software.

i imagine robotnik just sighing out a lone curse word under his breath. sweeping stone up before lightly pressing two fingers to wherever it is the manual override button on stone lies--and stone's conscious being is still awake for every second of manual override, btw, he just can't willfully move his body anymore. stone can't speak, can't blink, can't even breathe for the moments robotnik invades his brain. so that robotnik can tune him up. reset him just perfectly. adjust his parameters, since he's been left so carelessly unmaintained. the doctor is in complete control, his natural element.

(and i'm corny. stone is in his natural element too--which is love.)

(🤮💕)

[callmearcturus]

I'm actually super mad about it so heres a messy ask. The thing with Basira is that she makes so much sense as a character but I dont think the fandom understands it because at least some of it is linked to her being second gen. When she talks about her father, it seems clear she has some intergenerational trauma that make her strongly suspicious of outsiders, prone to fierce loyalty towards identified allies, and plagued with a freeze response to immediate danger... I love her shes fucked up

However I am also not a fan of that part of the fandom that sees her as pure evil because... first of all, on the creators' side, making your only explicit character of color the cop is clumsy at BEST, and second of all she deserves a nuanced reading either ways 

This is, again, not my lane. Basira being elevated to a main cast member instead of a tertiary recurring character should have come with some rewrites. Out of universe, I imagine Basira is a mixed success that’s a learning experience, and RQ’s said outright they’re going to do better in the future, and I look forward to that. It was clumsy at best, but people don’t get better without fucking up along the way, imo. What’s important to me is the dedication to getting better and then following through.

NOW ALL THAT SAID, if we can compartmentalize “hey it sucks that the Most Cop of the cast is your one character most likely to be PoC”

Basira really is my favorite character to stare at. At this point (or honestly, from the moment she suggested Daisy go back to the Hunt) I don’t like her at all, but.... jesus fucking christ, I have never seen a character like her? I’ve never seen such a methodical exploration of someone who’s made the decisions she has.

What fascinates me about Basira is her role in the tragedy play of S4, because it arguably starts off with her saying “I don’t do trust anymore”. Because she says that, and what she means is she doesn’t trust other people. BUT she demands trust from those around her. WHICH IS WILD. That’s a wild dynamic.

I get the impression from Basira that she sort of wants to recreate a situation in which she feels like she’s in control, but she feels most in control based on the people around her? Does that make sense? Like its not really about her, it’s about her having people fit the roles she wants. And in S4 she tries to get the rest of Team Archives to fill those roles, and when it repeatedly and continuously fucks up, it has this effect of making her trust everyone even less and grow resentful of them?

Like, the tragedy of Basira to me is that people liked her in S3, they were on her side (if a bit baffled by her hilarious aloof nature, 10 out of 10). And if she harnessed that proto-friendship vibe, she might’ve been able to create the support group where she felt safe.

But by dearth of her withholding/demanding trust, that fell apart. And everything spiraled out of control.

Hilariously I think in S4, Basira trusts Elias and Martin the most? Which to me is fascinating. Her “trust” of Elias comes from what she feels is a transactional relationship (which! again! falls apart!). With Martin, I feel like she sees the same pragmatism she carries in him, and at the very least that gives them a mutual understanding.

To me, Martin is the most effective and active participant in S4. The plot arguably revolves around him and marches to his beat. Basira can see that because unlike Jon she’s not clouded with a massive fucking pining crush on him. There’s maybe an AU in which Basira sidled up to Martin instead of fucking Elias and MAN that’d be interesting.

oh fuck i’ve rambled on a really long time. and that’s.... prob not what you were going for, but I have so many thoughts on basira. her actions are the tragedy of S4 to me, and I love them. it’s really not as simple as “basira’s a bad person” just like it wasn’t as simple as “tim’s a jerk now” or whatever. i get excited about actually talking about her, bc its hard when one side of the fandom is like RAWR BASIRA SUCKS ACAB and the other is BASIRA HAS THE ONLY BRAIN CELL.

the flattening of female characters, it strikes again.

[lovelysoulmusic-blog]

i hope you find this when I'm gone.

If there comes a time when I'm no longer here I hope you find this. Usually I keep it in, but I'm at the point of feeling like I might explode if it doesn't come out. I can't stand most of you. I love you because your family but I can't stand most of you. Andrew is a liar and drug addict. You can say weeds harmless all you want and for some I'm sure it's true,but as an addict I know it when I see it. You scream and cry and can't sleep or eat without it. And you lie to cover it up. You smoke inside no matter how much you say you dont. I just listened to you two mins ago open ur door hit your bong in your room. Cough your smoke out and shut the door. You don't understand how it makes me feel. To smell it to not be able to escape it from coming up my vents. Breathe it in. Worse greyson. I drank so heavy and got into drugs to shut out that anxiety and panic you bring in to me every single day because I won't step out of the Fucking house.  You make my life Hell. I hate listening to you scream and curse for hours every night. It's a Fucking video game. And when ur drunk u disgust me. Your part of the reason I hate when men raise their voice in any way. Your a monster and cold and mean. Your heartless and abusive and you don't deserve ashley. Even if she moans threw the house with no respect she's still too good for you. Mom, I love you, but the way you speak is the most fucked up shit. Asking me if I'll feel bad when your dead, telling me everyday that I'm killing you and it's my fault, screaming how you wish you were dead, walking around cursing or worse slamming things and ignoring me. And the way you speak to greyson.... Your the last person I would want to leave him with if I die. I won't put him through what I had to endure. Your just like Jack. Zero respect or care about how you make someone feel. Most grandparents would love to spend a few nights a week with their granskid. For you it's a chore and burdden. We all are as you told me many times how u wish you never had kids. Your abusive as hell. And you put these fucked up patterns and habits and ways of thinking on me and I have to try so Fucking hard not to be like you and I cry all the time in fear and exhaustion trying not to become you. I know you don't know better because of your mom. But I hope to break this toxic killer cycle so my son doesn't wish he was dead all the time like me. It's true what they say, ur parents voice becomes ur voice in ur head. That's why I'm overwhelmed and sucidal, why I have an eating disorder all the time, when I get jobs u say of course because ur pretty.... Fuck the fact I have years experience or my personality, it's all about how I look. I pitty you but I also resent you. you never learned how to be a parent, and it wasn't my job to be one to you, that's why Erin hates u, you don't know how to be a loving mom. Dad, I know you wanted to love me, but Iyou suck at it. You don't respect woman at all and it sucked I had to be a daughter to a man who doesn't believe in woman rights. You belittled me. You always made me feel like I need something wrong with me for attention and love. Your pitty  parties and poor me all the time somehow got in my head. I too sit in my own shit and want people to care about me when I am. Everyone has problems and it's not other people's problem to fix. Take care of your own Fucking self for a change. You didn't have kids so we can take care of you. That's not how it works. I'm sorry your mom did it to you but grow up. Marissa, there isn't much to say here. When I was little I always looked up to you, but u would lecture me for ever. And I would be scared to call you. I always felt less then you and like u  looked down on me. I know ur mom was hard on u. But u did it back to me. What hurt the most and still makes me feel like. 10 year old kid inside is how much I miss you and how abandoned I felt. I still tear up thinking about it. It makes me feel like a child again. But I just miss you all the time. Ricky, I use to look up to you. I thought you walked on water. But you always looked at me as only partly ur sister. I always felt your absence until one day I stopped caring. You care from a far but I know u judge everything I do and I'm not important enough to talk to and iv given up trying to have anything. I mean I say that and want to mean it. But u missed saying happy birthday last year. 26.... I thought about not saying it to you... But I still did. I'm mad at myself for caring about someone who doesn't care about me. Erin.... This is hard. Because of anyone could remotely understand how I feel living at Jack's it would be you. And I'm glad for that. But you drain me. Everything is always about you. Even when you help me it's focused on you. You resent me because u say people care about me but In truth I just give everything I have inside of me to try to help them until I have nothing. And I'm not talking about money things. We all know I never have it. I give my time, which I can never get bavk. I give my heart. I listen without judging even when I want to do that so I can be t here. I invest my emotions into people like you so much that by the time I'm done talking I feel so drained inside and empty. That won't make sense to you because I can call u historically crying and u say oh I'm sorry and turn it about you. You don't suffer inside when someone around you is and I do. I also hate you for James. You told me once about how he raped you. Got in ur head made u feel certain low emotions and manipulated people around you. Yet you let him around me. He commented on my ass when I was a 14 year old kid... Yet you did nothing. He used yourselfishness  to keep control over me. He said "you know how ur sister is, she won't forgive you, your whole family will hate you" and because you let him in my life when I was just a kid I trusted him. I believed him. I was never more alone and stuck them those few months. Until finally it sent me over the edge. Your brought him into my life when I was young as an adult I could trust and he gained my trust and faith and used it all against me until I was so fucked in the head and completely alone inside. I will never be the same from that and it's partly your fault. Your still doing it though. You hate yourself so much your staying with a man who's not good for you. Your so selfish u can't see there is nothing wrong with your son except for you. The way you speak to him... It's as bad as mom with us. The way u parent... He's not a chore. The man u brought in doesn't care about him but u care about their family. He's alone. HE isn't bad with me ... THat's how I know it's not fucking adhd or  autism.... He's just not being brought up cared about. I wish I could do more for him. I wish you broke the habits mom gave us. But you will never do it until you stop feeling so sorry for youself. Your not bad, but you need to grow up and move forward and ur stuck. 

at the end of the day everything led me to become the person I am. And to be honest I tell people I love who I am but now I'm a mother I dont. Because I see it. I see the way I speak or crazy thoughts, I see how overwhelmed I get, short tempered, the self hatred and self loathing. The proudest things about me are the things iv fought so hard to be the opposite of you guys. I notice them though... And that's the first step to breaking these generational curses our family has. I hate who I am to my core but I'm working on changing it. To not numb it with drugs and alcohol. The worst part about all of you is you all left. Andrew with school then emotionally just not here. Mom WIth work then emotionally too. Dad left the state. Marissa left the state and started a family and forgot me. RIcky, idr when it broke off I was so young when u left. And Erin school and then moved away. I know it's stupid to think we stay together we are all grown and have a life and responsabilties but I was left alone too young. Crying out every time u guys left chasing your car's begging to not be alone. To feel loved. Maybe if I was better or quieter or sweeter or anything you would stay. I took your absence as a lack of love because there was no other way for a kid to take it. And that's why even though I think about killing myself every single day and I slice my body and starve myself. I hate every part of me, I choose to stay. I fight so hard to stay off drugs I want to just use and die with, why I try so hard to break the fucked up cycles. Because my son. To be honest I resent him at times because he's the reason I can't just die. Why I have to try so hard. Because I love him with everything I have in me and I won't have him grow up feeling how I did it feeling abandoned. He's everything. Him and jackson. They are my heart and my goals. 

I could make a list ten times longer about the good each of you gave me and maybe one day I will but the bad I push down and hide for so long I wanna scream and try so hard to act like it doesn't exist mostly because I know u all had your own family curses passed down and you did ur best with what you knew but I wish any of you stopped and looked and saw and tried to do better. maybe it's not ur time or responsibility in this life. MayBe this burden falls on me. BUt I'll tell you what I'm tired of the fight. And I'm mad you gave it to me.