#i'm pmsing

[livefromtheyard]

to the person on the subreddit who wanted that video of nick jumping off the balcony i am trying so hard to get the link but twitter is fucking me over

[meszz]

Thank you, Viv and Sabs !!!

11❤️14

[wattemeer]

Breaks my heart how there is absolutely nothing I wish to draw anymore and I go days and days and weeks without drawing

[lokisprettygirl]

So many quirky "I'm not like other girls..I'm special" people on this website.

[ktae]

being around an old man with a slutty little waist and having to act normal. a hardship. i should get paid extra

[c-e-d-dreamer]

I just got a bikini wax :-( but wonderland pt 4 might make me feel better :-)

Bro what.... I know you're on Anon, but that feels a bit personal to share on Al Gore's internet. 😂

Normally, I don't mind update asks because I like to believe they come from a place of genuine curiosity and interest in my fics, not necessarily demanding, but I won't lie, this one has me a bit peeved.

Especially because I literally posted a fic today. And I get that it was Elucien and maybe you're only interested in my Nessian fics and that's fine, but it was almost 5,000 words. 5,000 words I put time and effort into, ya know?

And unfortunately I don't have an endless supply of time and effort to churn out. I have a job, and sometimes, I like to do other things when I'm not working, like enjoy Shark Week. And I'd like to think I do pretty good despite that. I post a fic/update every week.

So I'm sorry but I can't offer you a next part of Wonderland. Maybe try some aloe? Or a cold compress? 😇

[femmehepbvrn]

Chocolate is so good

[wtfjd95]

Almost felt like i could kick my feet up and relax ahead of my week off starting this weekend but no, mother nature decides to kick me in the gut instead & pay me a visit. I dont want to be female this week 😩

I hate being afab so fucken much.

[alakeeffectgirl]

sometimes I spend too much time thinking about the terrible things in the world while I wash dishes, but then I open my computer and see people going to their science teacher's house forty-six years later to watch the eclipse. movie stars write moving paragraphs about missing their departed pets a year after the event. people I don't know light candles for the family members of other people I only know online and it makes me cry. the smell of baking brownies perfumes my house. the sun is out. not everything in the world is bad.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

the Horrors persist but at least there's music

[nothing-behindher-eyes]

the directors said cut but jonah hauer king king heard slut and he went with it

[jfleamont]

hey you know what? I'm actually so happy to have found this corner of the internet where I get to indulge in some of my favourite pastimes. I have a very fulfilling life outside of this and I'm deeply grateful for that too but isn't it fucking nice to come here and get to chat about our favourite characters together? isn't it fucking grand that we're from different parts of the world and yet we get to share our writing, our art, our thoughts and that we find connection through that? there are so many kind and intelligent people here and guys, it's a privilege to have witnessed your light, even if it's through a screen and behind a silly username. not everyone gets the chance to interact with other people who share the same passions, and I like the fact that we're all at different stages of our lives but still find joy in this collective experience that is being in a fandom. maybe I'll grow out of it, maybe I won't, but it's liberating, satisfying and inspiring to be here and, most importantly, I'm having fun and that's all that matters, right?

so thank you, I guess, for just being here.

[hellsingmongrel]

So, bit of ramblings on my Post-Trimax Wolfwood headcanons.

Man, one of my favorite tropes in media is a character who's spirit lingers on after they've died, but it's usually something you only see in fanfic, so I cannot get over how FUCKING FERAL I was when I realized that it was legit a thing in Trimax, and that Wolfwood was the one we actually got to see, legitimately talking to the people he'd left behind and confirming that ghosts in the canon weren't just hallucinations or something! Like yeah, we saw Tessla leading the boys to her body, but since her ghost was never mentioned again, it could have easily have been written off as a fluke, right?

NOPE. They are real and they linger after to watch over the people they care about or to send messages to the people who are still alive! And the fact that the character who had just wormed his way into being just as beloved to me as my favorite character (Which NEVER happens, I usually only have enough brain cells for one at a time!) and that we had just had our hearts ripped to shreds watching him die was also the one we got to know had definitely stayed behind to watch over the people he loved just makes me SO HAPPY! I rp that asshole from time to time, and I just love exploring the implications of it!

I play him like he's been there a LONG TIME. When he died, Rem was there, watching over Vash, but when Knives spent the last of his energy, she chose to move on with him, now that she knew Wolfwood would be there to keep watch over Vash, and he took it SERIOUSLY. He's been waiting so long, he's lost his sense of time, he thinks it's only been a couple decades when it's been CENTURIES. And the time has softened his own trauma, he's gone from being surly and angry and defensive to being at peace and finding comfort in the fact that its allowed him to see more of Vash's life than he ever would have been able to live long enough to see when he was alive. And it's given him time to notice just how unwell Vash is, how broken he is, watching over him when he thinks he's alone and lets himself break down.

But it's also made Wolfwood a bit unwell in his own way; as time went on and the people he knew in life began to pass away, too, his interest in paying attention to what the people around them were doing wained, and his dedication to watching over Vash until it was his time to pass on became a strange sort of dependence. He loses his sense of self, in a way, until the most important thing in his existence is being there for Vash, waiting for him, having long-since accepted that when the time comes, it'll be over and he's alright with that.

He's happy, but to the perspective of a living person, it would seem TWISTED in a way. He still thinks he's a damned soul, stealing more time than he's allowed and only damning himself further by doing so, and he just knows that when he gets to walk Vash into whatever comes after for them, they'll be separated again, for the last time, and there won't be any coming back from it that time, because Vash is too good, too kind, too HOLY to ever be damned. But it's fine. Wolfwood knew he was damned long before his death, and time has just given him the chance to make peace with it and simply be happy with the fact that at least he'll be able to be with Vash when he can move on to wherever good people go at the end. And yet when it happens, Vash feels the same way about himself, so certain that he's the one who's damned, and their reunion is wonderful and painful and terrifying for both of them in different ways.

He's even worse with interacting with people, once he's forced to interact with the living. I play Wolfwood in a game where he stumbles into revealing himself after spending centuries never letting himself be seen, and he worries that going "silent" again will upset people. He's spent centuries being a silent shadow, certain that letting Vash know he was there would only cause more suffering for an already unwell mind, so he's forgotten how to interact with tact, blurting out whatever pops into his head because he's only had himself to talk to for all that time. He hurts people without meaning to, begins to suffer from the crisis of worrying that no matter what he does, he's a burden to the people who mourn him, he doesn't belong, his existence is nothing but a constant reminder of what's coming and will only cause the people around him pain. He's both able to be the kind, caring, loving person he might have been if the Eye of Michael had never taken him from the orphanage, and also a HUGE, ANXIOUS WRECK.

And the thing that makes it all worse for him is the fact that when he was dumped into the game I have him in, he was separated from the Vash of his timeline, and now lives in constant fear that he'll never see him again, that he won't be there when he passes on and there won't be anyone to greet him on the other side, alone and never knowing that he was waiting for him. He made a promise to Rem that he'd watch over him for her, that he'd lead him to his final destination where he could be with his family again, and now that he's lost that, what purpose does he have? He's terrified to let go himself, worried he'll pass onto the other side when Vash was right around the corner, but the thought of lingering without finding him again, missing his chance to be there for him when it's his turn, leaves him in an almost constant state of almost-panic.

I also just think it's kind of sweetly poetic, if in the end, he chose to continue the role he'd been forced into; take Vash where he's supposed to be. Only this time, it's his choice, and it won't be to his death. He wants to guide him to where he knows people are waiting for him, where he'll finally be happy and be at peace. He doesn't mind the fact that he's going to Hell, so long as he was able to be the one that leads Vash to the place where he won't have to be in pain ever again.

[paverics]

i can't articulate it well but i love there wasn't really any long dramatic avatrice confession scene. there wasn't really a coming out scene, for either of them. there wasn't gay panic. there wasn't some flag waving moment. i'm not bashing those stories...it's just nice to see others. avatrice sort of gradually and naturally built up to this all or nothing end point

beatrice was, probably, never going to make the first move. or any move. and maybe ava only did because she was going to die. but it just got to this "does it even matter?" stage

ava was going to die for beatrice regardless. and beatrice was always going to try and stop her. it didn't matter if the other felt the same. they didn't need to. each of them felt so strongly for the other that it had already decided their actions. how the other felt about them in return wasn't going to change that

it was just a selfless and inherently romantic build up; so slow and unforced

[fantasmagorico]

just a woman. laying in bed. listening to her music. trying to make it to the next day.