#i'm pretty sure only myself and 1 other person actively go to church from my work

[rowenabean]

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[survey--s]

620.

Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? I always do something even if it's just housework, having a shower or walking the dog. I used to have days where I never even got out of bed but looking back that was a symptom of some serious MH issues so I'm glad life is no longer like that. Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? It's not that I've refused to go sleep, it's that my mind has been too active to let me sleep. What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all? I've never heard of that show. Well, I have on here but I don't know what it's about or anything. Have you ever experienced something paranormal? No. I don't really believe in that kind of thing. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? About 4-5 hours on the motorway once when there was a serious accident. Luckily we'd just stopped for food/drink so we just sat and ate McDonald's lol. Everyone was leaving their cars to go and pee on the hard shoulder hah. Best field trip experience? Going to Paris in sixth form. Have you ever been to New York City? I have not. If so, is it all its cracked up to be? ... What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? Personally, around £30 a head but I've attended meals where it cost over £300 per person before. What museums have you visited, if any? Hundreds of them. I honestly couldn't list them all. My childhood holidays were spent traipsing round museums and churches lol. Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you? Sure. That's why I much prefer to work alone. What’s your worst traveling experience? Probably flying to Australia and the turbulence being so bad that you could feel the plane drop and all the lights were flickering constantly. It felt like it lasted forever but in reality it was probably only 15 minutes. Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? I never played the third one, but the 1st and 2nd were both good.

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? Yeah, when I lived with Chris out downstairs neighbours were always arguing lol. We mostly just ignored it. Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? I have no idea - possibly my tutor in year...9 I think it was? Best muffin you’ve ever had? I love the raspberry and peach ones from Starbucks though I don't even know if they sell them anymore. Otherwise I tend to go for blueberry ones. Have you ever taken a woodshop class? Yeah. If so, was it required? Yeah, it was just part of our Design Technology. How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? I'm logged in pretty much all the time. What area of math are you best at? Worst? I'm not really good at any kind of maths, lol. I mean, I can do basic arithmetic but nothing more complex than that. How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It's great. How often do you “half-ass” things (put little effort in)? Christ, all the time lol. Most people don't care how much effort you put into something as long as it gets done to a decent standard. Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Yeah, with messy foods. Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? Nope. How reliable is your internet connection? It's been fine since the engineer came out to sort it on Friday. He's moved the connection onto a better wall so hopefully it solves the issue we've been having with damp. Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? Sure. What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? Driving in new places. What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? I pulled plenty of all-nighters in university. If you don’t have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them? .... If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn’t need them anymore? My life would be much easier if I didn't need to wear them lol. I've kind of resigned myself to a life with glasses though. My prescription is too complex for surgery and I can't cope with contacts. How many vegetarians do you know? Not very many. I live in farming country and pretty much everyone likes to eat good quality, local meat. Have you ever considered going to art school? Nope. Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? Dog owners who let their dogs run up to mine even when they're very clearly fucking terrified. How quickly can you write an essay? It depends on the length and the topic, and how formal it has to be. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? No. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? Just small local ones. What bug frightens you most? Cockroaches. Are your parents supportive of you? Yes. How often do you take the train to go places? Never. Our local trains are awful - they're always cancelled or delayed and it's just so much more convenient to drive. Do you play with your phone in awkward situations? If I'm alone, sure, but I try not to do it with others. Have you ever participated in a mock trial, or a real trial? No, neither.

[nerdygaymormon]

I'm... scared... of your blog. It goes against a whole lot of what I was taught to believe and follow growing up. But, at the same time, I've been hurt deeply by that... doctrine... and I've only just begun to see and understand the extent of that damage. So... what if this is what my wounded and weeping soul has been searching for... since I can't pick up any "official text" without having a violent physical reaction that is drowning in pain and fear? 1/?

I can't even get near a chapel or temple without reacting. And I can't bring myself to confide in any of my local bishopric or ward members. As a result, I've been suffering alone. I know I need therapy because this is some deep, messed up shit, but I have not been able to find a compassionate professional and I'm not want to continue the search. I've neither the funds nor the energy. 2/?

I'm 34yo born and raised in the Church. Three years ago I experienced something that made me question heavily whether Gd still loved me because I for sure felt damned. And that event caused the floodgates to open, I suppose. I've not been active for years due to chronic illness and being treated like some sort of sub-human because of my disability. I used to maintain a current temple recommend but not anymore. 3/?

I think I'm asexual. And the more and more I think about this, the more and more it explains some aspects of me that I thought were broken. (No desire to date as a teen, no feelings of sexual attraction to anyone, confusion about terms like "infatuation" and "crush", confused and disgusted by sex and the world's obsession with it.) But, at the same time, the more and more I grew to like this term, the worse my feeling of being Rejected by Gd became. 4/? 

But, even before I adopted the term, I began to feel unwanted and damned because of a history of attempted molestation at 5 years old and being taught that I was 'chewed gum' amongst other doctrines that insisted that my every decision and move was responsible for the sexual purity of the male mind. I felt violated in almost everything that I wore that I felt "pretty" in because I was under the belief I was a walking sin. 5/?

I say I'm scared of your blog... yet I read through several posts last night, body shaking and nauseous with fear and guilt. And here I am, unloading in your askbox because I'm so desperate for someone to talk to who won't judge me like I've been judged all my life. The last time I went to church, I ran out of Sacrament in tears, hyperventilating in my car for several minutes. I have not been back since. 6/?

I want to believe that I'm still loved. I want to believe that I'm still wanted. There is a vicious war going in within me, complicated by chronic and mental illness, that I've lost my sensitivity concerning Gd. I can't tell if or when He's talking to me because the constant anxiety, fear and pain drown out the more 'subtle' emotions. And the maladaptive coping mechanisms I've developed likely don't help either... 7/?

Thank you for listening... if you have anything insightful that you think might help, I'd like to read it. (I hope all these messages stayed anonymous...) 8/8

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Wow, the feels. You said so much. I recognize you’re in a hard place. 

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Don’t worry, you managed to stay anonymous. I know when sending multiple asks it’s to forget to push the anon option.

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Congrats on figuring out you are asexual (ace). 

I think discovering a lack of something is difficult. There’s all these hints along the way but then once you figure it out, it all makes sense, everything fits.  

Don’t be afraid to change your labels. We use words to describe how we understand ourselves. If the way you understand yourself changes, it’s fine to change your labels. 

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Having a chronic illness can be difficult, it can take over a life as you organize things around it. Having a disability also can be challenging, especially if it’s one that is visible to others because they often view you as your disability. 

The thing is, you have a personality that wants to be displayed, I can tell that just from these messages you sent me. As people spend time with you and get to know you, they will start seeing you and not your disability. 

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Things that you described about your feelings and reactions make me believe therapy would help. I’m no mental health professional, but I wonder if you have have the symptoms of PTSD (church caused you trauma) and an anxiety disorder. 

If you have insurance that will cover some sessions, look for a provider that takes your insurance. If you don’t, I know that therapy can be expensive. 

About 2 years ago I needed to see a therapist and I checked at my local university. They had a psychological services clinic where Ph.D. students could gain experience, so the price was reduced, and my therapy was overseen by professors who are up-to-date in their field.  

If you can’t get to therapy now, and if you want to go to church, it helps a lot to have someone you know that can go with you, like a security blanket. It makes it less scary to enter that space. 

If you don’t have someone like that, try contacting the missionaries, explain you haven’t been to church in a while but want to come back. They will be so happy to greet you in the lobby and have you sit with them. And if you want, they will introduce you around to others. 

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Tbh, I was very surprised at how you describe my blog. I didn’t realize someone would view it the way you did. 

It’s true that I think our church is wrong on LGBTQIA+ topics. This is because of a few things:

1) I feel the spirit let me know that God loves me as I am, a gay man, and that I’m not broken. This is how I’m meant to be. 

2) What we learn about our Heavenly Parents and how they love us and are fair and just, and they treat us the same and view humankind as alike. I can’t believe they would set up a whole group of their children to fail and not have a path to return to them.

3) Jesus stood with those who were on the margins, He spent time lifting others and taught us that real religion is helping others, especially those who are downtrodden and on the margins. 

4) The Church doesn’t show LGBTQIA+ people as a part God’s Plan. The Church doesn’t know what to do with us. And it’s not a good space for queer people so most LGBTQIA+ members leave. This is not good fruit and it’s not what I think God would want, for whole groups of people to not feel welcomed.

I don’t reject the principles of the gospel, I want them to apply to all of us, even me, a gay man, and even you, an asexual woman. We are beautiful, we have a purpose, we deserve to be accepted and have joy. 

I guess that is rebellious and dangerous because it challenges the Church’s narrative about people like you and me. 

I let people in church tell me terrible things and for so long I believed them. I don’t anymore. 

Refusing the shame that church gives us as queer people, that’s radical. Church is supposed to help us be better, not wear us down. 

You can love yourself and be happy as ace. This is part of how God made you, you don’t have to deny this is how you experience life. 

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What are your goals? What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want your life to be like? 

My psychologist used to have me write what I would like my life to be like, and then we made goals to start doing those. 

You are capable of change. 

This is your life. 

God has given you talents. We’re not supposed to hide them under a bushel. Work on developing them and developing yourself. 

You are your own longest investment. Investing in yourself is a gift to the world, it’s how we develop ourselves and increases our capacity to help others.

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I hope you feel I understood what you were trying to say to me. 

I also hope I gave you some things to think about, to ponder, and figure out what feels right to you.

[strawberry-milktea]

Hi! I've pretty much grown up on my parent's faith but now that I'm an adult trying to find my own faith in God is difficult. I'm too afraid to poke my head into church and feel like he doesn't exist. I don't want to lose my faith but I also don't have any proof that God does exist. What should I do?

Hello :)When you find yourself feeling afraid of anything, always remember the truth that fear is not from the Lord:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” - 2 Timothy 1:7

As I’m sure you know already, your faith in Him cannot come from your parents - it has to be in Him from yourself, from your own heart! And it’s great that you have come to the realization that you need to develop your own faith in Him - which is essentially a personal relationship between you and the Lord. It seems like you want to personally learn more about Christ and grow in your faith personally, not through anyone else other than Him. And that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be!Do you read the Word on your own? If you don’t already, I would highly suggest you start to do so; and if you already do, keep doing so! If you want to find your faith in Him and develop your knowledge about Him, that’s the best place to go. He gave us the Word to provide us with the knowledge we need to discover about Him, our faith, and how to live for Him. The Bible is not simply just writing on paper. It is the living and active Word of God straight from Him, with the power of convict, educate, and mold us according to His will:

“For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” - Hebrews 4:12

Through the power and intervention of the Holy Spirit, the Word educates about who He is and solidifies our faith.Don’t let fear hold you back in this. Like I mentioned above, the Word tells us that a spirit of fear is not from Him. Fear is a product of the enemy, and one he uses in an attempt to stunt our growth and hold us back. Although it was a different set of circumstances than yours, fear held me back for awhile when it came to going to church. After I was born again and stopped going to the Catholic church, I found myself wanting to try a different church. I even found out about a church I was interested in, but months went by before I actually got the courage to go. Each week would pass and I would come up with some excuse to stay home because I was afraid. I was afraid of going to a new place by myself where I wouldn’t know anymore. I was afraid of being noticed as a new face and feeling uncomfortable. The enemy preyed on the weakness I have of feeling self-conscious and the fear I have of feeling uncomfortable in unfamiliar environments. And I allowed the enemy to use that fear against me longer than I should have. I eventually got the courage to go and once I did, I was so glad! I realized that none of the things I was dreading were actually true. My faith grew a lot as a result of fighting against that fear because I found a lovely church where I worshiped with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and developed friendships with many people. I also participated in activities where I was able to help in the community. Unfortunately, this first church I attended no longer exists due to budget issues it faced, but my time in it served as significant means of growth in my walk with Christ. And since I gathered the courage to visit this first church, it wasn’t a big deal for me to visit my current church for the first time despite not knowing anyone there.If you seek the Lord, He will reveal Himself to you. Don’t allow fear of not finding Him to keep you from moving forward in seeking Him. If you let fear hold you back and you don’t look for Him because you’re scared, that’s the only way you won’t find Him! When a heart seeks Him and genuinely wants a relationship with Him (which it seems you do), He will not hesitate to make Himself known to you. If you look for it, He will provide you with the proof, knowledge, and understanding you want. I hope this helped to answer your questions. If there’s anything else you need me to clarify for you, please let me know. :)