#i'm probably insane but i genuinely love all those topics and what we learn in school FISHFK so yeah !!! okay i shut up now

[astrxealis]

hi guys please wish me luck for my college entrance exam tomorrow for one of my dream schools xoxo

[fairycosmos]

I have gained weight and it's driving me insane :/ i so desperately wanna go back to starving but i know i can't harm myself that way and if i wanna lose weight it has to be the healthy way but it's so incredibly hard i hate myself. I'm sorry for dumping this on you :(

:(( i’m sorry love. you’re not bothering me, so dont worry about that at all. i can definitely relate to struggling with feeling okay in your own skin, and during times of stress like these the anxiety about it tends to crop up a little more. it seems as though the emotional turmoil you’re experiencing is amplifying your self hatred, to the extent that gaining weight feels like your worst nightmare. when it really has no bearing on your worth as a person, or on your future, at all. i know it’s a learned feeling, and that you’ve spent a long time internalizing negative ideas about weight gain, so i understand that self awareness doesn’t make it much easier. but it’s a good place to start. i’m really glad you can recognize that starving yourself won’t lead to anything positive, and that it does nothing but perpetuate a cycle of self destruction. because you honestly that you deserve so much more than that. maybe that sounds like a throw away statement but i cant stress it enough - no matter how you feel when you look in the mirror, you need nourishment and energy, and having low self esteem doesn’t change that fact at all. you must try to anchor yourself in the priority of taking care of your needs, first and foremost. there is nothing wrong with eating and giving yourself  sustenance. try to deconstruct any shame that comes with the topic of food or having a changing body. we dont have to look the same our whole lives, nobody really does. it’s normal to grow and go through phases. fluctuation is the most natural thing in the world, it’s not a crime. i think it could be a good idea to take some time to question your beliefs, to examine each bad thought you have about yourself. what does the weight gain mean, why is it a source of guilt, who taught you to think that way, does it change anything about who you are, why does it feel like such a big deal to you, what unhealthy behaviours were you engaging in before to remain at a lower weight? you’ve already established that you don’t want to harm yourself which is absolutely wonderful and a sign of genuine progress, but now it’s time to take that approach with bullying yourself, too. i’m not saying you have to push away emotions like guilt or sadness, because repressing them may make them come back stronger. no, it’s ok to sit with them and to accept them. to let yourself cry, to vent to those you trust about whats going on, even to write about it to clear your head a little. but know that those feelings are not a reason to go to extreme measures to achieve a body that is most likely impossible to achieve. you know they put those ideas in our minds, make us feel like there’s something wrong with existing as we are so they can sell us the ‘solution.’ unlearning those ideals is a time consuming and arduous process, but very possible all the same. if you’ve struggled with an ED in the past, this is probably more deeply rooted than it seems and i’d recommend getting in touch with a professional, even just from home - an ED hotline, or your doctor may be able to refer you to someone. i know it’s a daunting prospect but reaching out and having the perspective of other ppl will prevent you from feeling like self harm is the only option. it’s ok to reach out, i promise. words probably seem pretty empty to you rn, but i really hope you’re able to work through the self hatred one day at a time, because that seems to be what’s setting it all off. try to consciously remember what you like about yourself, even if you have to force that mentality. set small positive goals each day, stay hydrated and find an eating pattern that works for you. put your health first. treat yourself often, let yourself live. breathe. you’re not going to feel this way for the rest of your life, especially if you actively work on subverting the self hatred, by not isolating yourself, by eating often, and by taking care of the body you’ve got. sending you a lot of warmth, let me know if you need a friend x

[arreisstorm]

HAPPY SUGA DAY!

Disclaimer:

****I meant to get this post up on Yoongi's actual birthday but due to Tumblr completely deleting my first draft and having to deal with some crap at work, I haven't really been in my right mind to do so, so unfortunately I wasn't able to get it done in time. Even if it's a little late I hope you guys still enjoy this post!****

So I've been thinking all day what I can say about Min Yoongi that I haven't said already and sadly I'm drawing a blank.

 I think everyone knows by now how, underneath that hard and standoff-ish exterior, Yoongi is truly one of the sweetest, most caring members in BTS.

 He may be the designated "grandpa" but he can give Jin a run for his money as the "mom" of the group with the way he dotes on every single member in his own way. So instead of me doing a long winded post that loses it train of thought a million times I think I'll expand on how much Yoongi truly loves his brothers:

▪JIN

So when it comes to the relationship these two share, "opposites attract" is the best way I could describe it. While one is outgoing and loud, the other is more reserved and quiet. This duo loves to annoy each other and you can see that every time Jin cracks a face-palm inducing dad joke, and vice versa whenever Yoongi makes fun of Jin for his "old" age. I mean it's obvious to ARMY by now how extra Jin can be at times, but even through all the cringe-worthy moments and  second-hand embarrassment, at the end of the day, Yoongi still has great appreciation and respect for him.

▪JIMIN

Like Jin and Yoongi, Jimin and Yoongi are also quite opposites when it comes to their outlook on life. Where Jimin sees positivity, Yoongi is more about realism. It's not that he doesn't want to see the world as a happy place, but he also doesn't want to be blind to the truth either. That's why these two work so well together, one is the lifts the other up while the other protects them from harm.

▪TAEHYUNG

It's no secret that Tae marches to the beat of his own drum, but it is because of this fact that Yoongi finds him so endearing. During an episode of BV the two were partnered up to spend time together and even when everyone else said they would never agree on anything, Yoongi had the perfect solution. He cares a lot for Tae and he knows how hard the past few years have been for him after losing precious loved ones, so he's kind of been the one looking out for him behind the scenes.

▪JUNGKOOK

When it comes to emotional vulnerability, I would say Kookie and Yoongi are two peas in a pod. Neither one chooses to wear their hearts on their sleeves, but on the rare occassions when they do, you can guarantee you will find yourself crying along with them. There's a lot of pressure and uncertainty that goes alongside being the maknae of the group, and even more so when you're the golden maknae, and that's why I think Yoongi has taken it upon himself to help shoulder those burdens by taking care of him. Whether it's sticking up for him, encouraging him, or simply offering to buy him a proper meal, Yoongi has always been a great hyung to Kookie. And who could forget the iconic moment of "Friendship is Irish Bomb"? Haha

▪HOSEOK

Ok, so there's a lot with this relationship. We have day meets night, dark meets light, and cynicism meets positivity. These two contrast so much but still connect on the same level in countless other ways. Both are 2/3 that form one of the best raplines I've ever seen. Both are very passionate about what they do (J-Hope: dance, Yoongi: music) and they have worked their butts off to reached the point they're at now. Because Yoongi is such a realist, he is constantly overwhelmed with the state of the world, and he desperately needs to see the happier side that he might be missing...that's where Hobi comes in. There's a reason he was given the nickname he was given, he provides everyone around him with hope and happiness when they need it most, and that especially applies to Yoongi.

 When you constantly find yourself in the limelight it can be hard not to lose yourself within it. You might even forget your sense of self and instead be reduced to nothing more than a preconception told from a cameras perspective; that's when friends are the best cure, and Hobi just so happens to be that friend. These two are important for one another because whenever they're together it seems to be nothing but laughs and genuine smiles. They are carefree and able to be themselves around each other. To have that sense of freedom is probably a rare occasion for BTS in general, but even more so for the one who's know to be the "cold-hearted" and I'm happy he can find it with Hobi.

▪NAMJOON

Finally we have these two: Namjoon and Yoongi.

I've decided to save this one for last because to me they have a bond that completely differs from all others previously mentioned. These two have known each other the longest, have lived together the longest, and have seen each other at their worst points. Before debuting these two would fight constantly, both due to genuine disagreements, and also because of the countless hardships and pressure they had thrown at them. They have grown with each other and have been there to strengthen each other every step of the way.

Yoongi might not be one to express his feelings so openly, but every time I see the clip of him crying with Joon after receiving their first MAMA award It's obvious how much he does care and how much this all means to him.

To be honest, Yoongi never fails to show his love and support whenever his brothers are feeling down, and that especially goes for Joon. With him being the leader of BTS there is so much added pressure and expectations to live up to that it can be overwhelming, and on top of all of it, being the designated translator, writing and producing most of BTS' songs, and also trying to learn the choreography to go along with said song can seem next to impossible; Yoongi sees these struggles and he does all he can to help lessen the weight.

These two honestly do share one of the most profound bonds and I believe nothing could severe it completely. They might still have their fights, I mean they're human, it's bound to happen, but the respect and admiration they have for one another wins out every time.

As much as they love each other, these two also love to screw with each other too. Yoongi constantly makes fun of Joon for his clumsiness and Joon makes fun of Yoongi for his laziness, but in the end these two wouldn't be who they are without the other.

Yoongi once said in an interview that Joon is one of his favorite people he's ever met and if he had to pick a person to spend his last day with he would pick him. Then Joon in a different interview mentioned how Yoongi is basically his mirror and he takes care of the thing that Joon is unable to. These two compliment each other so well, and musically speaking, their backgrounds come from very similar places that they just know how the other runs. If Hobi allows Yoongi to act himself and to let loose physically, then Joon is his emotional release. They know how to have those deep heart-to-heart conversation without worrying what the other might think. Yoongi is able to use his words and is able to open up to Joon about any doubts, fear, or anxiety he might be struggling with, as well as using them to provide Joon with the assurance he needs that he is doing a good job as the leader; and in return, Joon gives Yoongi that sense of comfort and stability whenever he needs it.

Min Yoongi and Kim Namjoon.

Yoonie and Joonie.

Suga and RM.

AGUST D and Rap Monster.

Lil Meow Meow and Killer Dimples.

These boys are one in the same: two overall geniuses who started as underground rappers possessing skills of insane flow and destructive lyrics, then forced to become idols, who eventually helped redefined what idols are, and now are global superstars that have created the golden rapline (with Hobi), are living their wildest dreams yet still remain humble, as well as unapologetic about incorporation crucial social topics into their songs.

There's a reason these two get along so well and that's because of years of being around each other, having the same deep, philosophical thought process, and knowing that hard work, sleepless nights, and finding growth within personal struggles are what it takes to reach your ultimate goal.

The point is, if you're still with me that is haha, is that Suga tends to have this reputation that he is cold-hearted and aloof when it comes to the rest of the members, but honestly who wouldn't be exhausted and not wanting to participate in different events after having not slept for days on end and pouring their blood, sweat, tears (not intentional btw) into their creations?! Suga is one of the hardest working, passionate, individuals out there and if he didn't sacrifice so much for us, far beyond what this post can tell you, then BTS would not exist the way we know it now. It because he is willing to put his own health and well-being on hold --despite ARMY and the boys wishes-- and take on this almost altruistic behavior that I have so much respect and admiration for Yoongi. And anyone who says that this man is cold or that he hates his members...Have you not seen this man's precious, gummy smile when he's having the time of his life with his favorite people? There's a reason he chose to call himself "Suga" and that's because underneath that hard outer shell, deep down Min Yoongi is nothing but pure sweetness who isn't afraid to dream big and wants to see those he loves succeed to their fullest potential.

He is our resident grandpa, a musical genuis, and can spit fire while roasting people with the highest level of savageness you can achieve. He is the 2nd oldest, the hyung who tends to show his love when the cameras aren't rolling, and he is the backbone of BTS who slaves away in the recording studio to produce these insane tracks we all love so much. He is the only one that I've noticed who mirrors and compliments Namjoon's own thoughts and feelings and he is a huge reason why BTS has been so successful like they are.

We love you

Min Yoongi

Suga

AGUST D

Lil Meow Meow

Grandpa Yoongs

I hope you had a great birthday and thank you for everything you have done for BTS in the past, everything you're doing in the present, and everything you will do in the future. You are one of my biggest inspirations and I wish you all the best!

화이팅! 💜