#i'm sorry i feel like my blog got very depressing recently and i didn't mean for it too

[spicesweet]

Helloo, im looking for advice and your blog seems like a safe place but feel free to ignore if that's too much/out of your depth

So I never got diagnosed with an ed but I did ballet in my formative tears (4yo til 11) and as such I started 'caring' about my weight/stature very early (recently found journal entries from when I was 6 and I was measuring my waist every night). When I had my first smartphone I obv downloaded every 'health' app I could find (lifesum, movesum, whatever, I probably had it at one point), but after hs I got into a bad depressive episode but one of the upside is that I decided to eat what felt good and not just focus on random cals. Recently I decided to get back in shape and well, let's say that it started innocently but I ended with myfitnesspal back on my phone. And like. I'm trying again but just, how do you do it? Bc even when I wasn't counting cals I still categorised every meal into good or bad, I always planned what I was going to eat and like, is there a way to not center my life around food?

Sorry for the rant but I'm just so frustrated and sad with myself

Sending you love 💞

first of all, thank you so much for trusting me with this. this is in fact a safe space, and I'm glad it shows ♡

your message actually tugged at my heartstrings, because I relate to this so much! in one way or another, since I was a kid, I've orbited around food more than any other topic. even now, when I'm doing better than ever, I'm healthy and strong and honestly the closest I've ever been to my ideal, dream body, food is still something I'll spend a lot of time thinking about. disordered eating behaviors are hard to move on from exactly because food is central to our lives! it's the most basic need any animal has, regardless of what "food" means to that animal, and we're no different.

for me, I was tired. I spent my entire life loathing myself, feeling disgust and hatred that consumed me and at the same time paralyzed me, caused me to be unable to change. but life kept happening, and eventually I was in a completely new circumstance that allowed me to very slowly change my relationship with food. I have no shame in admitting that I don't know if it would've happened if I didn't have my man with me, because he made me want to do better, be better and healthier so I could stand proud next to him. I didn't want him to date a sick girl who would only have limitations to present him. but I do believe it would've happened eventually, just slower, maybe.

but to answer your actual question, how I do it, I think it's sort of like battling an addiction. you can't really ever take your foot off the pedal, relax and just think that if you get a little better, it'll be forever and you'll never have to worry about it coming back. I think having an eating disorder in your teens is so much harder because everything is impulsive, immediate, instant, including our expectations. now that I'm past that, I can understand that being extreme and hardcore doesn't last, but smaller actions add up. my commitment to myself and my health is a forever deal, and at the same time, I'm only concerned about today. I think my disordered eating behaviors are an addiction for me, because as much as I know how harmful they are, I also do find comfort in them. they do serve me, in lots of way, like addictive substances do. so I don't ever let my guard down around them, and I each day I wake up focused on keeping them away for the day. I don't bother with tomorrows and yesterdays, only today, only the next time.

and don't get me wrong: I still plan my meals ahead, I still get guilty often, I still regret eating this and that often. it's not a perfect system, and I think accepting and understanding that is also a part of the reason why I've been healthier. I'm not looking for a perfect lifestyle or a perfect relationship with food, but rather a sustainable one, and there's no room for obsession, self-loathing, impulsiveness and nonchalantry when it comes to sustainability. there's a lot of planning, watching out, discipline and understanding instead.

I think that if you identify disordered eating behaviors in your story, I think it's okay to understand that it is and will probably always be a big piece of your life, and even more okay that you'll have to treat this topic with special attention. I can't tell you how this special attention will go because that's literally a self-discovery problem, but it's about finding out what purpose the behaviors are serving and then finding a way to replace them with sustainable, flexible and accessible ones. you just need to investigate what these mean to you. to me, it means mainly a lot of reading about health and a lot of cooking and learning about nutrition and a lot of hours on top of a treadmill. eventually, if you're patient with yourself, embracing low moments but not giving up, not rushing your process, not expecting immediate results, I know you'll eventually find your healthy. ⁠♡

[littlepuppylee]

Update On My Life:

Hi everyone!

I know it's been a while since I've been active, a lot has been going on in my life recently, and my recently I mean the past year. Just a warning, I do talk about just like anxiety, depression, and dealing with trauma and thoughts of sewer slide.

First, I would just like to thank you guys for being patient with me and my absence. I know I don't have a large following, but I still have people on here who I would chat with occasionally. I haven't been doing well since July of 2023. To sum everything up, I had jumped from relationship to relationship, got cheated on in one, had a fwb relationship for the first time and got my heart broken, and was uhhhh not well mentally lmao. Sorry I'm avoiding trauma dumping. But hey I finally lost my virginity, so that's something.

So for me, whenever I've been in relationships, I kind of neglect my NSFW Tumblr blogs mainly because I don't want my partners finding them and either 1. finding out some kinks that I'm not ready to share, or 2. presume that I am cheating on them or being unfaithful.

I'm also in therapy and I should be starting some anti-anxiety medication that should also help with depression. Yay, Zoloft. Oh yeah! Officially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder - not surprised since it runs in my family- and Atypical Depression - I didn't fit the entire criteria for Major Depressive Disorder since my depressive episodes aren't long enough, which also runs in my family - as well as some symptoms relating to PTSD - I don't fit the entire criteria for PTSD I think; I just remember being diagnosed with Acute Stress Disorder. I'll talk to my therapist about that for clarification.

Also, don't be like me and jump from relationship to relationship as a way to distract yourself from the negative feelings from the past one. 1. That just isn't fair to the other person if they are not aware of this, and 2. You need to give yourself time to heal. I never gave that to myself because I thought I was fine. I thought I was better, but my therapist helped me realize that no, I am not better. She had said to me that just because I feel better, that doesn't mean I am actually better, and when she asked me for my thoughts on what she had just said, I realized that I haven't been better for a while. I haven't been better for a long time, which became more obvious when I opened up to her about a traumatic event that happened when I was 12-13 and hadn't talked about in years.

I ended my most recent relationship because I realized that I was in fact not okay and not over my trauma, and the levels of anxiety and feelings of apathy from depressive episodes that I was feeling was affecting my relationship. It was a good relationship, but I probably shouldn't have been in a relationship to begin with at the time considering 1. my grandfather died and that was a bit traumatic to witness, 2. I had just gotten my heart heavily broken, and 3. uhhhh mental health got SUPER bad :] Thoughts of sewer slide, but I'm hanging in!

Alright! Let's get onto the positive stuff! Besides that, the second semester of my second year of college is going super well academically speaking. It's the end of the semester right now, finals are coming up very soon, and I have 2 B's and the rest are A's as of this moment. All I have left now are mostly papers, 2 official finals, and a presentation. I'm also an aunt now! Not too fond of kids myself, but my nephew is the exception lmao, he's pretty cool for a newborn. I've also been reading a book right now called 'Tiny Traumas' to hopefully help me identify some areas in my life that could've contributed to the way I think, act, and feel, and how to move forward. I also finally get to start working, so making some money will be nice. Putting off relationships for a while and focusing on making money and bettering myself

What have I learned? Well, I can't have sex without developing feelings - found that out the hard way, I genuinely DID go through a traumatic experience and I had been downplaying it for years because nothing physical happened, don't trust Gemini men, don't date a 23 year old at 19, DON'T TAKE HIM BACK AFTER HE CHEATS EVEN IF IT WAS ONLY EMOTIONALLY CHEATING, and I cannot do a polyamorous relationship. Scratch that, what I actually learned was that I was a unicorn lmao. At least it makes a good funny story to tell.

So I'm mostly making all of this known to hopefully help feel someone less alone, especially on the NSFW side of Tumblr, as well as to just vent a bit while avoiding trauma dumping. This is also just to help show where I've been and how I'm doing. Besides that, I should be back for good, and I hope you guys are doing well :)

[awakefor48hours]

The Awaited Update

[Chapter 1]/[Next Chapter]

[AO3]/[Fanfiction.net]

So, chapter 2 is here. It took a while because: ⭐depression⭐. Anyway, onto the chapter.

Adrien woke up and checked his phone and saw that Alya had made an update on her blog recently. There hasn't been an akuma so what she updating on?

He read the title of the post and it made his eyes widen.

Paris's Hero Has a Lady of Her Own.

Ladybug was seeing someone and she told Alya about it?! Why not him?

Adrien didn't know what to feel. So many thoughts were roaming through his head. Ladybug made always made a big deal about never telling him about the person she liked but now she's not only dating someone and he found out on the Ladyblog.

Now he had to read the blogpost. Who was this person that captured his lady's heart?

He read through it and he felt as if he was slapped in the face. The person that Ladybug was dating was... Marinette Dupain-Cheng. How long have they've known each other?

Adrien thought back to his time when he was around them. Back when Ladybug sent him to protect Marinette when Evillustrator was akumatized, she did make a comment that Marinette is cute (which he very much agrees with). Ladybug also trusted Marinette with the Miraculous of the Mouse. It would also make sense why Marinette seems to be so protective over what people say about Ladybug.

The more he thought about, the more it made sense. Ladybug and Marinette have always had their eyes on each other.

Why didn't either of them tell him? He would've been very supportive of their relationship. Then again, Marinette does struggle to talk to him... which now makes sense. All this time, Marinette must've known he was in love with Ladybug and felt uncomfortable and they've both been scared to tell him. Well that all stops here.

From now on, he was going to show his full support for both of his favorite ladies.

He started to get ready for school with more excitement than he would normally have on a Monday morning.

"Ugh, what's got you so giddy first thing in the morning?" Plagg asked.

Adrien put his notebooks in his backpack, "Things are going to be different today, Plagg. Today, I'm going to show my support to Marinette and Ladybug."

That seemed to grab Plagg's attention. "Um... what do you mean by that, Adrien?"

"That's right you don't know the news. Apparently, Ladybug and Marinette are dating!"

"WHAT?!" Plagg shrieked with a combination of fear and disgust in his voice.

"Yeah, isn't it great. Now Marinette and Ladybug don't have to hide their secret from me anymore and I can finally start to build a better a relationship with both of them!" Adrien turned to look at Plagg who was staring at him dumbfounded. "Aw, you're too excited that you can't say anything. I'm sure Ladybug would be happy to hear that you care about her relationship with Marinette."

"Um... yeah, let's go with that."

Adrien finished getting the last of his things before heading out of the Agreste mansion.

Nathalie noticed the change in Adrien's mood this morning and commented on it. "You seem happy this morning."

"Yeah, I just great news. One of my friends is dating Ladybug."

Alright gamers, that's the end of this chapter. Sorry it took so long, but August-December just decided to absolutely clobber me and I was dealing with some of the depression in my life (and that is all I will say on the matter). Hopefully more on this crack fic soon and I'm glad you're here.

[kuuyandere]

For the ask game thingy, Quit, Cope, Regret, Stigma, or Exposed, only if your comfy with answering! I picked a bunch so you can choose which ones you're ok with. Congrats on 100 Aidoneus (sorry if I get your name wrong)!

Thank you, Anon! And don't worry, you got my name correct. :) You must have done your research, I don't really make a habit of putting my moniker everywhere haha.

Also, I am comfortable answering all your questions: I was the one who created that ask game after all! I'm also the kind of person that finds answering nosy questions entertaining. The answers will be under the cut!

Quit: How long do you think it would take for you to “move on” from your darling if necessary? Would you be capable of moving on?

Ah, I don't know if I am capable of moving on from my darling. Seeing that it has been around six months since we broke up and my feelings haven't dissipated no matter how hard I try, it looks like it will linger for quite some time. I never felt remotely close to how I feel for her for anyone else before, so I don't have any prior experience to base it off of, timeline-wise.

Cope: How do you handle your more unhealthy intrusive thoughts or urges?

Well for starters, this blog is a good means to vent, and I also write for myself outside of that. I think distractions are the most helpful for me though, sometimes throwing myself into passion projects is enough to prevent my brain from spiraling too much. I also personally find replacing certain unhealthy urges with slightly healthier ones that achieve a similar feeling effective. To be honest, I am not very good at the coping part, and I mainly tend to bottle those thoughts and feelings in. 

Regret: Do you ever feel guilty about being a yandere or loving differently from other people?

Yes, I often wish that I didn't love this way, or love at all for that matter. I feel bad for having many of the thoughts I have and some of the actions I have taken. I want to be a healthy partner/person, but I also will likely never feel completely satisfied with just that. It’s honestly kind of painful.

Stigma: What do you think brought about this side of you (childhood, mental illness, personality traits etc)?

I do enjoy psychoanalysis! Let’s see, I suppose it’s a lot of things. My parents are not that affectionate, and for the most part, neither am I (hence my username, the “kuu” is for kuudere). I honestly thought I was ace/aro until I met my darling when I was in high school, so her being the first and only person that made me feel that way made me quite attached. I may not be naturally affectionate with others, but I quickly learned that I am very, very affectionate and “simpy” for my beloved. I think I naturally love stronger than the average person in part because it is so difficult for me to do so. 

Mental illness likely plays a large part as well, although I have never had a formal therapist to diagnose me with anything. My darling is severely depressed, so I developed a separation anxiety with her among other things from her attempts and trips to the psych ward. I am also an eldest child and naturally quite protective and nurturing, and I feel that a lot of my feelings first and foremost involve a need to protect, please, and take care of her (without anything or anyone interfering). My feelings for her are complicated, and I’m sure there are many factors that contributed to them that I am not aware of.

Exposed: Are you honest with your darling about your feelings or the true extent of them? Does anyone else know?

I have recently made my darling aware of my current romantic feelings for her (semi-unwillingly, it was a bit of a mess that I won’t get into), but she does not and will never know the true extent of how intense/obsessed/possessive/etc. I am. She does know that I have those tendencies though, and I asked for her consent to do some things like take thousands of screenshots of her on video calls while we were together. No one else in real life knows about it, but I suppose at least 100 followers on here are privy to my depravity!

[featheredomen]

guess which bitch has an appointment with a psychologist after thirteen years of putting up with whatever bullshit her mind has been pulling? this bitch

[clonebro]

The State of the account.

Hello everyone @clonebro here. If you've been following my blog ( I hate calling it that) then you've probably noticed that I have just completely stopped posting since, what was it? 1 or 2 months? Any way,I've decided to come back and tell you all about whats going to happen to this memepage.

(I know most of you are just here for the memes and not my "fun" personality so If you want to skip the lore and reasoning behind my decisions and just get to the change log, scroll to the last paragraph. But I recommend reading the lore)

Now my reasoning and some explaining, over the past month and a half I've been suffering stress over midterms and some depression. Now normally this wouldn't make me just stop posting, I'd probably just be on hiatus again but in addition to that l...you know what? I'll be completely honest, over that time I had been trying to get into art and start drawing. My orginal plan was to get to a point where I could sell my art and use my skill to add to my content, but that was, well, a failure. One thing alot of people dont know about me is that I actually went to an art school...for one year before dropping out. I had my reasons, I wasn't inproving over time, it was expensive and it was more trouble than it was worth. my art teacher wasn't the best and I knew that even if I did graduate, I would be in debt and I knew my art wouldn't be able to support me. So I dropped out and went into zoology and veterinary science (which is where I am now). anyway now you know my tassles with art and how that was a catalyst for what was to become. Years later I found the art of @vivziepop and began working on bettering my art technique and once again I saw very little improvement. I even went to art threads and forums for help (Reddit, 4chan, youtube,tumblr etc.) but those did nor help. I began to talk with @eclecticcoyote about my troubles (I wont diverge into our private conservations but I will give a general overview) he helped just by being there to talk to and I owe him so much. I talked with him about my art and he helped as well. Yet for me, it never felt like enough. I was (and still am) not a strong person (physically or mentality) and I dont have any noticeable skills, both of these I realize are kinda my own fault. I started doubting again and began feeling I wasnt contributing enough, that I wasnt showing my worth, Hell I even got jealous of other creators and their success and acomplishments. Seeing people half my age making content mush better than mine made my blood boil. These factors in combination with stress and emotional strain caused me to shut down, I wasn't enjoying this, I was bored and lacking drive. I know thats not vaild excuse and I'm sorry. But I never had anyone else to talk to other than Electiccoyote about this and my irl friends are either away most of the time or didn't know how to deal with this. Im probably not the person you think i am. Im not this charismatic,edgy sometimes bit of a prick dude who makes memes. Im just a boring man living day to day, waking up with no reason why. I know I'm not special and I know others have faced much worse than me. I just ask you to understand. But I've come back, and I'm not really any stronger, yay. Ive more or less decided to discontinue my pursuits in art, If I cant improve after of training with a professional and two years on my own exploring my own horizons and training by myself, the at this point I dont think it's going to go uphill from here. I just wish i knew better. There may just be a better way Thank you @eclecticcoyote. You were always there for me.

(If you've read this far I thank you from the bottom of my heart, you have no idea how much it means to me.)

Change logs

Anyway, assuming I dont just abandon Tumblr and disappear off the face of the internet, I'm going to make some changes

Memes should continue as normal for the most part, but do expect hiatus every other month

I plan on celebrating my 200 follower milestone soon. I will say thanks to all who have sticked with me. (I dont exactly know how though)

Art is an after thought at the moment, I really want to pursue it and get better but recent events have made it hard to do so.

I've open an ask box (finally). So feel free to ask me questions.

I plan on rebranding my Character/Avatar Roger when I have the time, I've been growing less fond of his design.

Anyway, Thank you for reading and listening I plan on coming back soon. See ya. @clonebro / Justin out.

[somaybeimbiased]

You know, we all suffered a tragedy. But the reality is, we didn't know him. We only knew who he showed us. And if you think you are hurt, I can guarantee that those 4 boys feel the pain you do X100. Key recently said that he was disappointed in fans, because people can't let it go, they won't stop talking about it. And I couldn't agree more. I'm sorry to say that I am going to unfollow you, as well as a handful of others, because I don't want to feel this pain every time I'm online.

I’m sorry, but I’m not sure why you felt the need to announce to me that you are unfollowing me. I care deeply about my followers, and this is the first time anyone has ever said that it bothers them so much. And since you are on anon I can’t quite say whether I am disappointed you are unfollowing me or not. But before you leave an anon message to someone, maybe take into consideration about how they feel. I’ve already been vocal about how strong I think Jonghyun’s personal loved ones are. On how strong the members of SHINee are. I’ve have said it time and time again how I can’t even imagine how they must feel. But while they feel more pain than I do, that doesn’t mean I’m not feeling anything. That’d be the same as telling someone who is hungry that they shouldn’t complain bc there are children starving all over the world. Do not dismiss and invalidate my feelings.

You should also take into consideration that everyone goes through pain their own way. I’ve been a Shawol since 2010, I was 11 at the time, and I have grown up listening to SHINee. Was I as involved back then? No, but I still knew who they were, and they were the only kpop group I listen to for a long time until I got older.  I grew up listening to Lucifer, Ring Ding Dong, and all of their music until now. SHINee is the only group, the only entertainers, the only anything I have followed and kept tabs on, bought merch from, etc. The loss of Jonghyun hit me hard because a lot was going on in my life as well. I am diagnosed with severe clinical depression as well as anxiety, as well as therapist diagnosed paranoia. Ever since I was a kid, that made it very difficult to move on from things. When my grandfather died when I was 12, I wouldn’t talk to anyone until we had the service. And I felt like I couldn’t cry. I didn’t cry until a month afterward. I felt like everyone had forgotten that it has already been a month, and I cried and got so angry with my parents. It’s still hard for me to go to my grandfather’s old bedroom when I visit my grandma. I am someone who holds onto things and I become sentimental and that’s who I cope. Yes, slowly, it does get better, but people like you don’t make it any easier. I want to quickly address what you said about Key. And you show me a link or an account of him saying that ‘  he was disappointed in fans because people can’t let it go, they won’t stop talking about it.’ Becuase dang, I follow them pretty closely and I haven’t seen one thing about him saying this. I also asked a few Shawol friends of mine about it and they said the same thing as me. I even googled it, and you know that if Kibum said something like this, the internet would be talking about it. He did say he was upset at the fans who claimed they were only doing ‘From Now On’ for the money. Or that he was afraid to go out after the incident because people weren’t treating him regularly.  But never in a million years would I think Kibum would say this. Telling us to ‘let it go’ and stop talking about it? Telling us to forget about it and move on from Jonghyun, when he and the rest of SHINee have been so outspoken about keeping the memories of Jonghyun alive and keeping Jonghyun as a part of SHINee? Ridiculous.

I am sorry for posting on my blog how I feel sometimes. But it is my blog, and I will post what I want to post on it. If I wanted to turn it into a SpongeBob meme account I could, because it’s my account. And I’m not sorry for saying this, but if you’re going around and making Shawols feel bad for missing someone, idol or not, who we hold dearly to our hearts, I do not care if you unfollowed me. I don’t want people like that following me anyways. We are Shawols, and we are supposed to raise each other up and offer support, not tear each other down. I would understand if you see my posts sometimes at night when I’m upset and I have nowhere else to go and you decided to unfollow me because of that. I would get it. But you have no right to come to my blog, put fake words into Kibum’s mouth, and then announce you’re unfollowing me. It’s rude, and you have done nothing but make me feel bad for how I sometimes still get sad. You won’t see this, because you unfollowed me, but I wanted to address the fact that Shawols who are going around and harassing other Shawols for still going through hard times are not true Shawols. SHINee doesn’t want us to forget him. And so we wont ever forget him, but you have to realize that while still supporting them, and listening to their music, nostalgia and emotions will come around. There are good days and bad nights sometimes. That’s just how it is. And I know I’m not the only Shawol who still gets upset at times.  You can’t act like all I post it about how sad I am. If I couldn’t stand to think about Jonghyun, I wouldn’t write what I do and create the content I do. I would support SHINee the way I do. But everyone goes through rough patches. 

Have a great day.

Edit: This is sent to me last night and I just got upset over it. Thats why I asked if me sharing my personal thoughts on here actually bothered anyone in my last post.. Thanks

[squidkid-s]

[80's theme playing] [man] Neo Yokio is the greatest city in the world. It is the most populous urban agglomeration in North America, but its prestige does not merely stem from its size. From Bronx prefecture to the aquatic elegance of Battery Park, Neo Yokio is a diverse labyrinth of cultural and architectural innovation. No wonder we play host to many of the planet's most prestigious events. Of course, whenever a city becomes the envy of the world, problems are bound to arise. In the 18th century, the first wave of demonic attacks wreaked havoc on Neo Yokio. From origins unknown, hateful creatures sought to destroy the city on a mass scale. In a stroke of genius, Neo Yokio's then mayor, Theodore Corelli, invited the exorcists of the old world, peasant practitioners of the dark arts, colloquially known as Rat Catchers to become citizens. [rats squeaking] In exchange for their citizenship, these exorcists used their talents to save the city. Many of the descendants are now part of Neo Yokio high society, adding to our rich cultural tapestry. Although demonic threats have been greatly minimized, you will still be subject to search and questioning at our discretion. Please have your documents ready and welcome to Neo Yokio. [Charles] Sir, I almost forgot. Your watch is fixed. I picked it up this afternoon. [Kaz] It's been three weeks, and I still can't believe she's really gone. My one true love is now living the glamorous life of an investment banker in San Francisco, while I remain in Neo Yokio haunted by her memory. In happier times, I watched her play on this very court. [sighs] No doubt she's found a new tennis club by now. Sir, I understand that matters of the heart are mysterious and profound, but destroying a 1919 Cartier Tank is a bit, well imprudent. Hell, yeah, it is. That's a dope-ass watch. [sighs] Hey, Lexy. Hey, Gottlieb. - You gotta sack up. - Tonight's the big field hockey match against the East Side Gentlemen. You're out here like a pound puppy. Sorry, guys, but I can barely navigate the hellish vortex between breakfast and dinner, let alone the labyrinth of the field hockey field. - What are you saying, dawg? - I'm saying I'm not playing in tonight's field hockey championship. The whole season's been building up to this match! We gotta teach those old money fuckboys a lesson! You can't give Arcangelo the satisfaction, B. Win, lose we'll all be equal in the grave. [woman grunts] Sir, we really should get going. I told you to clear my schedule. I'm grieving the death of a relationship. I understand, but the reservation is in 15 minutes. I'm simply too blue for lunch. I would strongly advise against incurring the wrath of Aunt Agatha, sir. [groans] Fine. Let's go. See you, Lexy. See you, Gottlieb. So, we'll see you at the game? We're counting on you, Kaz! [Kaz sighs] God, I miss Cathy. - She loved ice cream. - [Charles] Come, sir. There's always a silver lining. Now that you're single, your name's officially on the Bachelor Ranking Board in Times Square. It's an honor to top the Bachelor Board, but it's an honor I dream not of. Well, sir, you're not quite at the top. I'm number two? Two is a rather prestigious number. Two is the loneliest number, Charles. Especially when you're second to a jackass. Why are you late? Don't you have a watch? Who cares what time it is when the future's an interminable abyss of wackness? Kaz, you're not a gentleman of leisure like those other uptown buffoons. You can't just drink Americanos and watch tennis all day. - You have work to do. - Aunt Agatha, I'm well aware that I'm We are members of the magistocracy. You are a magistocrat. You have a sacred duty to protect the city as well as our family name. Never forget the tremendous odds your ancestors overcame to establish the family in Neo Yokio. Aunt Agatha, Cathy left me. And I'm sorry if I'm disgracing the family, but I'm depressed. [laughs] Ha. Cathy? [sighs] Did you really think it would work out with an East Side girl? Well, why wouldn't it? Because however many times we save the city, however elegant we become, in their eyes, we will always be neo riche, just a bunch of Rat Catchers. Don't say that, Aunt Agatha. Oh, grow up. You're old enough to see the world as it really is. Now, listen, I've heard some wonderful news from Lady Three Jane this morning. Helena Saint Tesoro is possessed! Helena Saint Tesoro? The fashion blogger? - Perhaps the greatest of the modern era. - Damn, I haven't see her since Freddie Miles threw that crazy party out in the Hamptons. She's possessed? That sucks. Focus, Kaz. Her family's in dire need of our help. I have arranged for you to go exorcise her this afternoon. Aunt Agatha, I don't have the emotional energy to do anything tonight. Even if I did, the guys are expecting me at the field hockey match. [bangs table] Wicked boy, don't you understand? If you refuse to perform your duties, there is no field hockey, no more gentleman's club dues, no more extravagant rent. You need to work to support your wretched lifestyle. Now, eat your tiramisu. I've lost my appetite. You know, Charles, buying a new suit is the only good thing about having to work. You are a true master, sir. Watching you shop purely by touch is inspiring. Welcome back, Mr. Kaan. So good to have you in the store. And congratulations on your recent appearance - on the Bachelor Board. - Oh, thanks. How are the new suits feeling? Anything else I can help you with? New pair of Margiela field hockey trainers for the big match? Actually, I don't think I'll be playing tonight. What? I've been waiting for this game all season. Sorry to disappoint you, salesclerk, but the universe is dictated by forces far greater than field hockey. I'm sorry, I'm I'm just such a sports nut. Well, you're in luck, my friend, because a real sportsman has just entered Bergdorf's. Oh, Arcangelo. I'd recognize your shitty voice anywhere. Oh, look. It's Neo Yokio's second most eligible bachelor. [laughing] Look at you, trying to class yourself up with a new suit? You'll need more than that to take the top spot from me. You can keep the top spot. I honestly couldn't care less about that stupid list. Gentlemen, please don't fight. It is an honor to have the number one and number two bachelors in our store today. You are both elegant gentlemen and excellent field hockey players. Please, allow me to show you to your dressing rooms. So, I hear you're gonna chicken out on the game tonight. Fuck the game. I have a lot more on my mind these days. In fact, I have a very high profile and lucrative job tonight. Job? You mean, like, work? I am a magistocratic exorcist, and it's my sacred duty, you jackass. Sacred duty, what a joke. No wonder Cathy left you. You're just a neo riche loser. [laughing] I am not neo riche! [groans] [crashing] [grunts] You know what, Arcangelo? I will see you at that game tonight. And, salesclerk, I'll take the suit. [Charles] Sir, I don't see how you can make it to the job and the game. A teen exorcism can take all night. [Kaz] Didn't you see me back there? This exorcism will be a walk in the park. The Sea Beneath 14th Street brings back a lot of memories. Some happy but others, quite sad. [butler] Mr. Kaan, we've been expecting you. Right this way. [sobbing] Charles, who are these girls? These are Helena's biggest fans. - We're called Helenists, you herb. - She's our queen. Her blog is our bible. Neo Yokio's second most eligible bachelor in our home. [sighs] Thank you for coming. I'm so sorry to hear about Helena. How is she? Well, it's a tad awkward to talk about it because she seems a bit possessed. It's so out of character for her. She never cavorts with wraiths or demons. When did it start? Two days ago, she took a trip uptown with her friends to get a preview of the fall collections. The prime minister of Chanel presented her with a custom suit. What an honor. I know. But when she got home, she started feeling unwell. And the next day, she had become an entirely different person. We've always kept her so well-guarded. I can't imagine how this could've happened. Rest assured, your family's nightmare will be over in no time. Now, where is she? She's floating up in her bedroom. [Kaz] Hey, Helena, what's up? It's me, Kaz Kaan. So, this is kind of awkward. I haven't seen you since that party in the Hamptons at Freddie Miles' place. You know, when we hooked up. Uh, anyway, that's a dope Chanel suit. What's it made of, tweed? I'm a huge fan of fabrics. You mind if I touch it? Ow! Okay. Enough small talk. Let's do this. What happened? Is she cured? I'm sorry. No. She was totally immune to my charms. Well, get back in there and try again. There's nothing I can do. She's too powerful. This is outrageous. - I'm calling your aunt. - Could we leave Aunt Agatha out of this? Leave this townhouse at once. I don't get it. Why didn't my powers work on Helena? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, sir, but it has taken a toll on your ranking. I'm behind Luke Silver-Greenberg? That's horrendous. It's always darkest before the dawn, sir. Shall we get you a giant Toblerone? Chocolate always cheers you up. No, Charles, I wanna visit the grave. [Charles] You've designed yourself a beautiful grave, sir. I'm gonna rest for a bit. [sniffs] I recognize that scent. Excuse me, old man, but what are you doing over there? Oh. I'm just tending to my wife's grave. Tending it with perfume? How odd. [chuckles] Might seem strange, but Babylon N°5 was her favorite perfume in the universe. Hmm. It's really not a very elegant perfume. It achieved global success, but in a marketplace far less crowded than today's. I believe a classic is a classic when talking about clothes, cars or watches, but scents need to change with the times, don't you agree? I never thought about it like that. Don't get me wrong. I'm very touched by your dedication to your dead wife, but perhaps her spirit would be cheered by a newer, more youthful perfume. Santal 33 perhaps? I could have my mecha whip you up a sample. [Charles] I have full fabrication abilities. [chuckles] Thank you, but she just loves her Babylon. You old folks are funny like that. You don't have the same understanding of style. The girls of my generation would never wear Babylon N°5. They prefer a less mainstream fragrance. Helena Saint Tesoro once wrote an essay about this. [sighs] I'm not familiar with her work. She's the greatest teen fashion blogger of the modern era. With her, everything has to be unique. Even her Chanel suit is a custom job. [man] Mm-hmm. In fact, she only received it a week ago. It wasn't subject to the same security procedures as other luxury items. It was open, it was vulnerable The perfect place for a demon to hide! Could it really be? Yes, Charles. The reason I couldn't exorcise Helena was because it wasn't her, but rather her suit that was possessed. Brilliant, sir. I know what to do now. Let's head downtown. There's still time! Sir, at this hour, the bubble traffic is horrendous. It could take us hours. To hell with it. Let's go express. [jets blasting] [in demonic voice] Look who's back. Very clever, possessing a Chanel suit. You knew a bespoke item was your only shot at getting to Helena. It was too easy. [laughing] You fools will never be safe. Your vanity ensures it. Karl Lagerfeld said vanity is the healthiest thing in life. God, you really are a herb. Behold the pale horse and prepare to meet the dark forces that lie beneath your precious city. [Kaz yells] Demon, be gone from the Chanel suit! Coco Chanel, may her memory be blessed. Helena, are you okay? Wake up! Wake up! [demon] Ha! You may have destroyed the suit, but you haven't destroyed me. Oh, no! [gasps] No! Helena! [panting] [breathes deeply] [grunts] [coughing] - [in normal voice] Kaz Kaan? - Hey, Helena. [chuckling] Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since Freddie Miles' party out in the Hamptons. That was a crazy night. Yeah, we had fun. I know. How come you never called me when we got back to the city? Well, you started dating Cathy. She actually just broke up with me. That's a shame. Yeah, it is. Well, maybe now I'll call you. That would be sick. [grunting] [cheering] [crowd gasps] The West Side Gentlemen are getting killed. If I was you, I'd pack it up and go home, West Side wimps. Time out! [grunts] [whistle blows] This is impossible, man. - Where's Kaz? - He didn't show up. He doesn't even care about field hockey anymore. Wait. [jets blasting] Is that him? I can't believe it! It's Kaz Kaan! Kaz, homey, you made it! Gentlemen, I'm sorry I'm late. As you know, I've been really depressed, and it's affected my attitude toward field hockey, but I'm here now, and I know we can beat these bastards. [all] Yeah! [whistle blows] [crowd cheering] [Arcangelo grunts] [Kaz groans] Yo, flagrant foul, man! Flagrant! It's a penalty shot for Kaz! This is a field for gentlemen. You should be selling popcorn in the stands, you peasant. A true gentleman excels in both work and leisure. [salesclerk] Heavens to Betsy, they're bringing in a ringer. [crowd murmuring] You see how diesel this goalie is? This shit is impossible. - No way the ball's getting past him. - No way. Good luck, Rat Catcher. [crowd cheering] [buzzer buzzes] I love sports! - Charles, play Vivaldi's concerto. - In D minor, sir? No. In E-flat major. Ah! Very good, sir. [Vivaldi's "Concerto in E-Flat Major" playing] [Kaz] I am Neo Yokio's most eligible bachelor. I am the proud scion of a storied and powerful family. This is my city, and I'm sworn to protect it. Yes, my girlfriend broke up with me to take a finance job in San Francisco, but I am still here in the greatest city in the world. Tomorrow, the cherry blossoms will bloom, the sun will shine. It is springtime in Neo Yokio, and life is worth living.

RIIN I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS