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asthronauta · 6 months

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NACIDO DE MUGGLES | Sirius Black × Male Reader.

Summary: During the first wizarding war, muggleborns were stalked day and night. Many of them left their homes and never came back. Sirius' boyfriend was one of them. He was a muggleborn.

Warnings: Angst, Partially based on the cannon (Fuck J.K, btw), Drama, Established relationship, I'm a hopeless romantic so Fluff, but like a sad one. You know, war situation, there is sadness and darkness involved. But also love from two people who care about each other :( <3. Enjoy!

(Also, this may be long). spoiler, it was.

Helloo, this is the first time I'm posting one of my fanfics so I'm kind of nervous. Mainly because English is not my first language and I'll probably make a lot of mistakes when writing. Feel free to tell me if you see any.

It was winter of 1979. It was a cold and dark winter for the wizarding world, who lived terrified under the shadow of disappearances and threats from Voldemort and his followers. The war, which had already started several years ago, was more present and active than ever. Every day a new missing person appeared on the cover of The Daily Prophet. Every day the ministry made new excuses to give people a false sense of hope. Every day Sirius found it more difficult to sleep with the uncertainty of not knowing what was happening in his boyfriend's life.

Sirius and his boyfriend hadn't seen each other in a long time. They went from seeing each other every day at Hogwarts to seeing each other from time to time. It was almost a month since Sirius had last seen [Y/N]. And he worried more every day. [Y/N] hadn't sent him any letters in a while now. Sirius literally had no idea what was going on in his life. And it didn't help that there were more muggleborns missing every day. [Y/N] was one of them, he was also a muggleborn. It was torture for Sirius to read the morning newspaper every day. Thinking that, perhaps, maybe this time his boyfriend would be on the cover of The Daily Prophet, as one of the many missing people that week.

So, on one of those long winter nights when he couldn't sleep, he decided to send him a letter. He knew it was risky. He knew that if [Y/N] had not sent him any letters in all that time it was for a reason. But Sirius couldn't take it anymore. He wanted, he needed to know about [Y/N]. He took a piece of paper and dipped his quill into the ink. He quickly began to slide the quill over the paper, with the delicacy and elegance of a Black. His cursive handwriting was still intact. Sirius was careful not to name [Y/N] or himself. He didn't know what he was dealing with so he decided not to risk it and compromise [Y/N] or himself.

The letter reads:

I hope this letter finds you. I've been worried about you, it's been a long time since you last sent me a letter. If you can read this, please, come to see me. I can't write much here but please, come. I miss you.

Yours truly, your lover for life;

Padfoot.

Sirius sighed, rereading the letter. He didn't care about sounding desperate, the only thing he was thinking about at that moment was letting [Y/N] see how worried he was. He folded the paper and placed it in an envelope, sealing it with a plain stamp. He went to the window, letting his owl out, carrying the letter in his paw. He watched him fly away and disappear into the night sky. Sirius could only hope he would receive an answer soon.

But that didn't happen. It had been a whole week since he sent the letter and he still had not received a response. His owl had returned, without the letter, but also without an answer. At least Sirius knew that [Y/N] had received the letter. So he decided to wait another week. If that week passed and he still did not receive a response he would take more drastic measures. But he didn't want to come to that. So he decided to ignore his concern and be patient. Lucky for him, an owl knocked on his window that week. As soon as he saw her he recognized her. It was [Y/N]'s owl. Unable to hide the smile from his face, Sirius opened the window, letting [Y/N]'s owl in. Gently caressing her head and taking the letter she was carrying with her. Without worrying too much about tearing the paper and with nerves on edge, Sirius opened the letter. Noticing his boyfriend's handwriting on the paper when he unfolded it.

My dear Padfoot.

I've had a difficult week. But luckily, no one has noticed my situation. Even so, acquaintances of mine who are in the same situation as me have received threats. I don't feel safe at all. I have been cautious. I've been watching my steps and who I talk to. I trust my owl to deliver this letter to you and only you. Still, I'm afraid that something could happen to her. Please take care of her and check if she's okay. And please burn this letter after reading it. I can not risk. This letter is very compromising to me.

You know who.

PS. I miss you too. But I can't see you, not right now. I'm sorry. I'll send you a letter when I feel safe enough to meet. I love you.

Sirius' smile faded as he read the letter. An uncomfortable feeling of anxiety filled his chest. He bit his lip, he knew that the situation the muggleborns found themselves in was not easy, but he didn't think (or didn't want to think) that [Y/N] was in such a tense situation. He smiled a little at the 'I love you' at the end.

Fuck, I miss him so much.

He went to the fireplace and threw the letter into the fire. He watched the letter burn for a few seconds and turned to [Y/N]'s owl. “Hey there buddy” He said softly, smiling at the bird. “Did you have a good trip?” He reached out to her and stroked her head. The bird received the petting happily, closing her eyes and letting Sirius stroke her feathers. “Do you think you can deliver one more letter?” The bird looked at Sirius with expectant eyes. “I think that's a yes,” Sirius said and chuckled softly. He took a quill and paper and began to write.

My love,

I miss you and I worry about you. But I understand that you can't come to see me right now. I love you too and I'll wait for you with all the patience in the world. Stay safe, my love.

Yours, Padfoot.

PS. Thank you for answering me, I almost went crazy these days. Now I know everything is alright. Or, well, at least not that bad. I love you.

Sirius smiled softly and put the letter in an envelope. Sealing it the same way he had sealed the previous one. He turned his attention to [Y/N]'s owl and made sure she was okay. He checked under her wings, looking for any wounds or bruises. But he found nothing. The bird was fine. He offered her some water and after a little rest, the owl departed, carrying Sirius' letter in her paw.

•

The initial calm that Sirius felt faded as the days passed. Maybe he was being a little demanding by waiting for another letter from [Y/N], but he couldn't help it. He and [Y/N] didn't usually spend that much time apart and when they did they were able to send each other letters several times a day. His record was 24 letters in one week. Sirius was proud of that. Anyway, despite the constant worry he carried with him, Sirius also had a busy week. He had recently offered his parents' former house to the Order so they could meet there. So he had been busy working alongside them. Still, he hoped to receive a letter from [Y/N] soon.

On a rainy day, while Sirius was answering letters from the Order, an owl knocked on his window. Sirius sighed, it wasn't [Y/N]'s owl, so he just thought it would be another letter to the Order. He got up and let the poor bird in, it was all wet from the rain. He took the letter, and without hoping for anything he opened it. The paper was a little wet and the ink was a little smudged, but Sirius could notice a familiar handwriting. He was surprised, he didn't expect the letter to be from [Y/N]. Still, he was happy. Very happy.

Don't send me any more letters. My owl has returned with her wings burned. Someone tried to attack her. I think they suspect she belongs to a M. I have sent another owl to deliver this letter to you. Don't send me anything anymore, don't respond to this letter. I'm afraid I'm not safe right now. Don't send me anything, I'll send you a letter when I feel safe. Burn this letter too.

The letter wasn't even signed. And the fact that [Y/N] hadn't even dared to write the word 'Muggleborn' sent a chill down his spine. Now his worry had increased threefold. Was [Y/N] in danger…? Sirius gulped. Thinking about that made him too anxious. He quickly threw the letter into the fire, as if he were afraid that someone behind him would see it, even though he was alone in the room. Sirius couldn't help but feel frustrated. He, as well as [Y/N], couldn't do anything about it. They simply had to wish for the best and remain unnoticed. Sirius felt a little of stupid, Why the hell do I work with the Order if all I do is answer letters? But he also understood that things were not so simple. So he just sucked in his frustration. He turned his gaze to the owl and with a slight movement of his wand he dried it completely. Sirius didn't know if owls could catch colds, but at least he did something for the bird. He was wondering where [Y/N] had gotten that owl from. When the storm calmed down the bird left, and Sirius returned to his work of answering letters.

•

After receiving that letter from [Y/N], Sirius decided to do exactly what [Y/N] asked of him. Wait. Wait until [Y/N] decides to send him a letter. But it was difficult to do so when the days passed and he still did not receive any letter from him. But Sirius held back. He knew that if he were to do something stupid, [Y/N]'s life could be in danger. And Sirius couldn't deal with the thought of something happening to [Y/N]. So he just waited. And the days passed, many days passed. The month had already ended and still nothing. Sirius was about to go find [Y/N] himself. Every day he fought the urge to write him a letter or go looking for him, but he had to control himself. He couldn't risk sending him a letter, and he didn't know exactly where [Y/N] was to go looking for him anyway. So his only option was to wait. And Sirius hated waiting, but he did it anyway. Because [Y/N]'s safety was the most important thing to him

But finally, after controlling his impulse to send a letter to him for a long time, an owl came to Sirius' window. At first Sirius didn't think it was a letter from [Y/N]. It wasn't his owl and it wasn't the owl that had given him his letter the last time either. So he simply took the letter as if it were another one addressed to the Order. But he opened it anyway, and to his surprise, it was from [Y/N]. Without being able to hide the big smile on his face, he opened the letter, finding his boyfriend's handwriting on the paper again.

Hello. Forgive me for not writing to you sooner. I would have liked to do it sooner, but I couldn't. It would have been very risky. I'm okay, I have been hiding these last few months. But I'm fine. Since the incident with my owl I have kept a low profile. I was afraid they were chasing me. I feel safer now. And I want us to meet. I miss you. Behind the letter is the address and time of our meeting. I'll wait for you. I love you. You already know what to do with this letter, burn it. And don't send me a reply. See you then.

You know who.

Sirius was so happy that he kissed the letter. The bitter taste of ink seeped into his mouth but he didn't care. He was smiling from ear to ear, not only was [Y/N] okay, but he would also see him after so long. Sirius turned the letter over, finding himself facing a familiar address. It was in Muggle London. He and [Y/N] had been on a few dates there before, so it would be easy to get there. Sirius smiled again. He still couldn't believe that he would finally see [Y/N] again. It seemed like years had passed. Sirius dreamed of kissing his boyfriend's lips again. He kissed the letter once more and threw it into the fire. In a few days he would see [Y/N] again.

Sirius was finally able to sleep peacefully that night.

•

Sirius wishes he had brought a scarf. The wind was strong and freezing in the streets of Muggle London. Sirius was trying to hide his nose in the collar of his jacket. With his hands in his pockets. Trying to rescue some heat from the cold material of his leather jacket. It wasn't the best clothing option. He knew it now. But he couldn't help it, he was a braggart and wanted to look good for his boyfriend. Even if it meant dying of hypothermia.

When he arrived at the meeting point [Y/N] had not yet arrived, so he stayed there. They hadn't agreed on any particular place, so he sat in one of the chairs in the park. Sirius assumed it would be a brief encounter so he decided to enjoy his boyfriend as much as possible. Because surely he wouldn't see him again for a long time after that. Sirius would have liked to have a nice dinner that ended in a hotel room. But it wasn't the best time for that. So he settled for at least kissing him.

Sirius undid his ponytail, trying to cover his neck from the cold winter wind. He leaned back in the seat, his long black hair moved with the wind. Sirius closed his eyes and took a moment to think. Everything that had been happening lately in the wizarding world was crazy. The war had brought sadness and fear to people. Things were no longer the same. Sirius couldn't remember the last time he had laughed out loud with his friends. He couldn't remember the last time he had a butterbeer. For god's sake, he couldn't even remember the last time he had sex with his boyfriend. The war had made his life, and the lives of everyone, sad and boring. This is the world Death Eaters want to live in...? He couldn't help but wonder.

“Sirius?” Before Sirius could continue to mope himself down, he heard his boyfriend's voice calling his name. A smile automatically appeared on his face and he stood up from his seat, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

“[Y/N]!” He said, smiling “Damnit, I've missed you so much” he chuckled softly, holding [Y/N] close to his chest. Not wanting to let go. [Y/N] hugged him back with the same intensity. After a few seconds Sirius pulled away and took his boyfriend's cheeks in his hands, kissing him. Sirius had been looking forward to doing that for almost two months now. He couldn't put it off one more second. [Y/N] received the kiss happily, returning it as he wrapped his arms around Sirius' waist. Tasting Sirius' lips on his. Perceiving a slight strawberry flavor. He couldn't help but smile a little, Sirius had put on some gloss for him.

Sirius would have continued kissing him for the rest of the day, but they couldn't talk and kiss at the same time, so he pulled away. With a silly smile on his face. He looked like a teenager in love. His cheeks had a slight blush.

“It's been a long time since I last saw you” [Y/N] spoke first, taking Sirius' hand in his.

“Too long,” Sirius said, still with that goofy smile on his face. It seemed like they were back to the beginning of their relationship. “How have you been, love?” Sirius spoke again, this time with a more serious and concerned tone in his voice.

[Y/N] sighed “I've been… fine. I can't complain. Luckily no one has laid eyes on me” he said. Sirius cupped one of his cheeks in his hand, a worried expression on his face.

“You must be terrified… have you been in any major danger recently? I mean, have they been targeting muggleborns?” Sirius felt a little dumb for asking that question, but he had to. He wanted to have full knowledge of everything.

[Y/N] nodded “Yes, love… They have been very active. Every day I get news of missing people” Sirius could feel [Y/N]'s anxiety through his grip, he caressed his hand to reassure him.

“You have to take all the precautions you can, my love… you must be safe” Sirius said tenderly.

“I know, I know… I'm being careful. Since they tried to attack my owl I haven't sent any letters... I've also been moving places every two weeks, I have some muggle friends who have been supporting me. I think I'm doing well” Sirius can't help but smile at that. [Y/N] was being very careful and responsible with his safety and that made him happy.

“I'm so proud of how careful you have been, love” He pressed his hand, intertwined with [Y/N]'s, on his chest. “I'm glad you have people supporting you... Are they trustworthy, love?” Sirius asked softly, [Y/N] nodded.

“Yes, yes they are. They are muggle friends, and some wizards. They have been a great help. I fully trust them” Sirius nodded.

“Good, good..” They both look into each other's eyes for a moment. [Y/N] had a dismayed look. Sirius couldn't help but feel sorry for him. “It's okay, my love” Sirius said softly, trying to comfort him. He leaned down and placed a small, soft kiss on his forehead. [Y/N] sighed.

“It's been a hard month for me, Sirius… I'm exhausted. Every day is an uncertainty.” Sirius took notice of his boyfriend's appearance, noticing the dark circles under his eyes. Sirius felt a small pain in his chest. It hurt him that his boyfriend had to go through all that.

“I know, my love, I know…” One of Sirius' hands went up to [Y/N]'s cheek, caressing it with his thumb. “But we have to keep being strong, you're doing very well. I'm so proud of you” He smiled softly at him. But worry remained in his soft blue-gray eyes. [Y/N] returned a weak smile and nodded gently. There was a small silence between them until [Y/N] spoke again. “I've heard rumors that Dumbledore is building an army… Do you know anything about that, love? Are you involved?” He asked curiously.

Sirius was a little taken aback when he heard the question. It was supposed to be a secret, how had it leaked so quickly? Anyway, he smiled nervously at [Y/N]. As if he had been caught in the middle of a prank. “Well, you know Dumbledore, he has always liked my rebellious nature” He said and chuckled nervously. [Y/N] chuckled along with him. Sirius was adorable. “Yes, my love, I'm involved” He said in a more serious tone this time. But his smile remained on his face. “I wanted to fight to protect you and others like you.. As long as I can fight for the things I believe in, I'll be there... So, yes, I am involved.”

[Y/N]'s lips curved into a smile, his eyes full of love for the man in front of him. He took both of Sirius' hands “Thank you, love… for fighting for me.”

Sirius held [Y/N]'s gaze, seeing the love in his eyes as he looked at him, he couldn't help but blush and smile nervously.

“No need to thank me, my love” He said, the soft red on his cheeks making him look even cuter under the snow. “I'll always be here to protect you and fight for what's right.. I do it because I love you, [Y/N]. You're my love and I can't imagine a life without you.” [Y/N]'s smile grew even bigger (if that was possible) at those words. He brought Sirius' hands to his lips, kissing them.

“I love you so much, Sirius… thank you, my love… you're wonderful.”

Sirius smiled and shook his head, looking at the ground. Blushing even more. “I'm far from wonderful, my love. But you know this better than anyone.” He looked [Y/N] in the eyes. Sirius was sure that the man in front of him was the love of his life. A warm feeling flooded his chest and he couldn't help but say: “I love you. I love you very, very much. I'm just grateful that this war allowed me to realize how much you mean to me. And I don't regret this decision. I was meant to fight for you and protect you and I would do it a thousand times again.”

[Y/N] stared at him, speechless. Suddenly, all the emotions he had been repressing that month came to the surface. And without making a sound, tears begin to fall from his eyes. “...Thanks” That's all he managed to say.

“Sweetheart…” Sirius said, somewhat surprised by the reaction and quickly wrapped [Y/N] in his arms. Letting him cry on him. [Y/N] quickly followed suit, hugging him tightly, crying quietly into his shoulder.

“I'm sorry” He muttered “It's just that… I'm scared, Sirius” He confessed in a weak voice. “Every day they torture people... I'm afraid that... The next person to disappear will be me.” He clinged to Sirius, trying, somehow, to feel him as close as possible. Seeking safety in his arms.

Sirius felt his heart break as he listened to his boyfriend cry. He had never seen him cry like that before. It was a part of [Y/N] that he didn't know. The vulnerability of him. Or at least not to that level. [Y/N] sounded completely sad, and Sirius felt weak from his crying. He hugged him tightly, trying to think of what to say or do to comfort him. But [Y/N]'s sadness was contagious and a feeling of anxiety began to invade Sirius too.

The fear of losing him overcame him. Still, he tried to maintain his composure. “Don't... don't say that, my love. The next one to disappear” He stuttered nervously “The next one to disappear will not be you. I won't let it happen. Not to me, not to you. Okay? You'll be safe... I promise.” He said and placed a kiss on his hairline.

[Y/N] pulled away. A little embarrassed for having started crying out of nowhere. He was just overwhelmed. He quickly wiped the tears from his cheeks and tried to catch his breath. “Okay…” He nodded “...I'm fine” He was trying to convince Sirius by saying that, but he didn't seem to succeed. Sirius still had that worried look on his face. “It's just… it's hard to keep hope... Every day Vold… He becomes more powerful... Every day more people join him, every day more people like me disappear... It terrifies me to think that the worst is yet to come... What will I do if... If he wins? If he takes control?... I don't want to think about it.” Sirius held him close, feeling the same fear and anxiety. Sirius tried to reassure him but it was difficult when he also felt the same uncertainty.

“I know it's hard, love, but let's try to stay positive, okay? It's the best we can do” Sirius said softly. His arms were still around [Y/N]'s body, as if he didn't want to let go completely. His hands gently caressed him, trying to make him feel better.

[Y/N] nodded softly. “Yeah, I guess I can only hope for the best… I hope what you're working on turns out, love, I trust you” [Y/N] looked up, looking Sirius in the eyes and giving him a small smile “I'm hopeful” He added. Sirius smiled along with him. Knowing that his boyfriend had so much trust in him filled Sirius with a warm feeling that only [Y/N] could give him.

“I won't let you down [Y/N], I'll always fight for you, for the future we could have together, and I think... no, I know we're going to succeed… All this will pass, love, I promise” Sirius smiled softly. His eyes were full of tenderness. Sirius loved [Y/N] like he had never loved anyone. And he knew he would do anything for the man in front of him.

[Y/N] smiled, he couldn't help but feel calm. Sirius had always had that effect on him. He just made him feel safe. And [Y/N] loved that, he loved Sirius. He loved how Sirius made him feel. “I'm glad there are still people who support us... I'm glad there are wizards... pureblood wizards, who support us.” Sirius took his hand and squeezed it. Trying to say non-verbally that he supported him unconditionally. After all, he knew that [Y/N] meant him as 'pureblood wizards'.

“Of course I support you, love, I'm doing this for you, for you and others like you… This is a noble cause, I know that if we all unite against Voldemort we can stop him” Sirius looked at his boyfriend, trying to see his reaction. Hoping that his words had brought him some comfort. But that didn't seem to be the case, [Y/N] had an expression of surprise and fear on his face. “...Love?” Sirius asked, confused. [Y/N]'s reaction was out of character. He didn't understand if maybe he had said something wrong.

“...don't say his name” [Y/N] said almost in a whisper, as if he was afraid of being heard. Sirius was stunned. He had forgotten it, he had forgotten the taboo of the name. Suddenly Sirius started to feel embarrassed, like he had screwed up.

“I'm.. I'm sorry, love” He quickly apologized “I didn't do it on purpose, really, forgive me.”

[Y/N] shook his head softly “No, love, it's okay, I know you didn't do it on purpose” He smiled slightly, embarrassed. “I know it's a stupid thing... the taboo... But, you know, I can't risk it.” He said, looking for some understanding. [Y/N] knew that, although he loved Sirius with all his being, Sirius was a pureblood wizard, and he had never experienced the discrimination that he had. And much less the persecution he had been experiencing in the recent months. [Y/N] was feeling a little stupid and paranoid. He thought he knew better than to fear the stupid name. But, to his surprise, he found himself afraid to even hear it from someone else. The fear was too real, the missing people were too many. [Y/N] couldn't help but feel afraid.

Sirius shook his head “It isn't stupid, love… And I get it, right now everything is... chaotic, so it's best to take all possible precautions.” Sirius looked at his boyfriend “Your life is important, [Y/N], don't be ashamed to look after it as if it were a treasure” Sirius said and smiled softly at his boyfriend. Every word Sirius said came from the depths of his heart and affection. Sirius loved [Y/N], like he had never loved anyone or anything before. He would do anything to keep the boy he had fallen in love with safe. But he couldn't do it, at least not directly. So [Y/N]'s safety depended entirely on [Y/N] himself.

[Y/N] smiled “God, what have I done to deserve you?” [Y/N] said and Sirius chuckled a little embarrassed. Sirius could be a shameless flirt but when it came to [Y/N] he was a teddy bear. And Sirius liked that. [Y/N] knew a part of him that not everyone knew. Sirius had learned to pretend to be braver than he was (or he thought he was) in life. And that had made him hide his vulnerability behind a cocky smile. But with [Y/N]... with [Y/N] he could be everything he couldn't be with anyone else.

“You make me very happy, [Y/N]” He couldn't help but confess “You just… you make me very happy." He repeated, not knowing what else to say. The words seemed too simple to convey all the complex feelings he felt inside. But for now he'd settle for that.

[Y/N] smiled tenderly and hugged him. Sirius hugged him back, wrapping his arms around his lover's body and hiding his nose between his shoulder and neck. Sirius loved him, Sirius loved him so much. He felt the heat of [Y/N]'s body on his. He felt his lover's arms surrounding him. He felt [Y/N]'s heartbeat against his body and he felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with [Y/N], overwhelmed with love. In the most beautiful and painful way possible. Sirius was sad. How could he not be? Fear had become a part of his life since the war had started. Sirius was afraid of losing him, of losing the love of his life. Of losing [Y/N]. The fear followed him everywhere. At every moment. It was a nightmare. A very realistic nightmare that left Sirius unwilling to sleep. [Y/N] hugged him tightly, needing to feel Sirius against him, to feel his body against his. To make sure that he was there, with him, and that he was safe in his arms.

[Y/N] felt a small pang in his heart when he felt Sirius begin to cry against his shoulder. He held him in his arms, letting Sirius hold him in his. Sirius didn't usually cry, or at least he didn't usually show it. But at that moment they were both afraid, and the only thing they had was each other. War brought out the worst in people. War takes everything that mades people live and puts it on a tightrope, torturing them with the uncertainty that, perhaps, all of that would disappear forever. That's what Sirius felt. Maybe his life wasn't as in danger as [Y/N]'s, since he was a pureblood, but [Y/N] was like the air in his lungs. If he wasn't there Sirius was incomplete. Empty. Sirius had become so used to the happiness [Y/N] gave him that it had become his everything. And without it he was nothing. Sirius didn't want that, Sirius didn't want to be empty. Sirius hated sadness, he hated loneliness. He was afraid of loneliness. Sirius would rather die a thousand times than live a single life without [Y/N].

“Sirius…” [Y/N] spoke softly, with sadness in his voice. He desperately wanted to comfort Sirius but he didn't know what to say. “Sirius don't–”

“I don't want you to leave.”

[Y/N] felt warmth and pain in his chest at the same time. He wanted to stay with Sirius, he would do anything to stay with Sirius. But he couldn't. It would be an unnecessary risk. An unnecessary risk for Sirius. [Y/N] was not only in danger, he was also a danger to others. The muggleborn hunting was not limited to just muggleborns. Those people who hid and sheltered muggleborns were also persecuted. And [Y/N] would never forgive himself if something happened to Sirius because of him. Because the only thing that was more important than his own safety was Sirius' safety. It breaks [Y/N]'s heart to have to reject his boyfriend in that state, but he had to do it.

“Sirius, you know I can't–”

“No, listen to me” Of course, [Y/N] was naïve if he thought Sirius was going to give up so easily. “Listen... if you stay with me at the Order base... they can protect you, the Order can keep you safe, I can keep you safe, you can stay there with me” Sirius said almost desperately.

“Sirius no.”

“[Y/N] please.”

“No Sirius, it's unnecessary…” He said softly, trying to make Sirius understand “I'm fine by myself, I don't need to be a burden to what you are working on… And besides, it's not safe for you either.”

“No, [Y/N], you don't…” He sighed, he had to let it out. The words were stuck in his throat “Listen, I... I can't lose you, okay? I can't lose you, I can't… I won't” He trembled at the uncertainty. “A-And I can't stay here doing nothing, not knowing where you are or not even knowing if you're still alive… I can't, okay? I can't live like that, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't do anything… Just let me protect you, [Y/N], please” [Y/N] looked at him for a moment, then shook his head without saying anything. Sirius sighed in frustration. “Oh for god's sake [Y/N], just let me do this for you.” He said irritated “Damnit, can't you see I'm doing this for you? Don't you see I don't want you to die? What?, you have a death wish or something?” Sirius couldn't help but be a little harsh, he was frustrated.

“Sirius…” [Y/N] looked at him sadly, he didn't want to do this. Sirius was too stubborn for his own good. Things were already difficult and painful enough, why did he have to make it even more difficult? “Just stop it.”

“God [Y/N] please” He said almost like a plea, he didn't know what else to do or say to convince him. “Don't do this to me, not now” Sirius sounded hurt, he looked like a little boy crying.

“...I'm sorry” [Y/N] said and Sirius sighed in defeat. “I'm going to be okay, love, really.” He said, trying to comfort him, “I've taken care of myself all this time and I'll continue to do so… I'll be fine Sirius.” Sirius looked at him. He knew that if there was a person in the world more stubborn than him, that person was [Y/N]. He had already given his last word, and Sirius knew it was impossible to change his mind. He sighed.

“...you promise?”

“I promise.”

[Y/N] said and Sirius nodded softly. A part of him wanted to keep fighting and not give up, but he knew it was in vain. He hugged [Y/N] again, this time more gently. He was saying goodbye.

“...When can I see you again?”

“I'm not sure, love.”

Sirius sighed “Will you at least send me letters?”

“I'll try.”

Sirius nodded although none of [Y/N]'s answers comforted him. “...take care of yourself... God, please take care of yourself.”

“I will, Sirius.” He gently caressed his back.

Sirius continued to hold him for a few more minutes and then let him go. Sirius was defeated and sad, his blue-gray eyes still had traces of tears in them. “You have to go now?” He asked quietly. A part of him still hoped that [Y/N] will change his mind. But [Y/N] just nodded.

“Yes, I have to go,” He said softly. Sirius didn't say anything, just accepting it.

“...will you give me one last kiss?”

[Y/N] smiled “Of course my love.”

[Y/N] kissed him like they had done thousands of times before. But this time it felt different. Sirius kissed him as if it were the last time, and [Y/N] noticed. But he didn't say anything. He let Sirius kiss him because in the back of his mind he also feared that it might be the last time. Sirius' kisses were always amazing. He and Sirius had the ability to speak to each other without words, and kissing was one of those ways. [Y/N] surrendered himself completely to Sirius' lips and Sirius cherished every part of him almost possessively. They both gave themselves to each other completely. And for a moment the war took a backseat. Lost in their world, lost in the other

“...be careful, [Y/N]” he whispered against his lips.

“I will,” He whispered back.

Okay, this ended up being way longer than I had planned. I'll leave it here for now. I will do a second part, even a third if necessary. But I hope I can finish it in less than three parts. I hope you enjoyed it!

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