#i'm vibing w/ it rn but i might change him in the future

[silentgrim]

undecided final form.

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

Going insane because the big fucking lumax elmax parallel elumaxers love to say means romantic elmax [which I hope it does] may very well mean platonic lumax instead?? Or even something else?????

I love platonic and romantic lumax equally, but I truly thought we were getting more romantic lumax next season so I'm VERY confused.

I say "confused" and "might" because there are MULTIPLE possibilities and I am still willing to entertain them all as of yet. If anyone wants to give input or ask questions PLEASE do so, I would very much appreciate! You can reblog or reply, but anons are also on rn :)

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BASICALLY in Stranger Things One, El leans over Will, who is lying down half-dead and dying on the Upside-Down Castle Byers.

This scene establishes The Lean TM as I will henceforth refer to it.

El is saving him for lots of complicated reasons. She believes that she will be "replaced" afterwards. She wants to make her friends happy. She may believe in a consequence otherwise. And because she of course wants Will to stay alive. Her life so far has sucked ass.

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Stranger Things Two rolls around. El is looking for Kali. Basically she is attaching herself like a friendly, adorable leech to anything remotely familiar. She wants FAMILY and STABILITY rn. So she goes to her sister, Kali. In this case, Kali is the one conjuring hallucinations. Spider (negative) followed by butterfly (positive) [both have other meanings too but Not The Point]

El says "are you real?". She isn't sure such a thing as a sister who won't betray her could happen in this life!

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Stranger Things four!!

Max reaches out to El saying "are you real? Did I make you?" Adding the second questing as El is already known to her/she remembers El.

Even pinches her cheek!

This follows several hallucinations caused by Vecna, all bad (one involving Lucas, but Idk if that's relevant yet.)

Max has thus far believed that nothing as good as what she already believes El to be possible anymore, nor that she deserves it.

She definitely believes in Vecna causing yk Bad Shit if the El is fake.

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The infamous The Lean TM 2.0!!!

Max is all the way fuckin dead. As a doorknob.

Lucas cradles Max, but the FRAMING puts him in the EXACT position as EL is with psychic image of Max, visually.

LEANING.

THEN El resuscitates Max via telekinetic chest compressions fueled by Happy Memory Positive Vibes Energy. She knows Max, *and* she has had a good life for some of it atp.

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ANYWAYS. Onto some POTENTIAL meanings!

The Lean TM is not inherently romantic OR platonic. El did not even KNOW Will and did not feel anything PERSONALLY about him when she Leaned in ST1.

She EVENTUALLY got to know Will- AFTER The Lean TM. THEN their relationship is platonic.

But initially- sheer desperation. WHO Will was had nothing to do with it. The outside forces, that being (oversimplified) El's desire to SAVE Will. Not any feelings she had towards him.

This then changes for The Lean TM 2.0! El and Lucas KNOW Max! BUT assuming this is about OUTSIDE feelings- desperation had RUN the FUCK OUT- replaced by SHEER FUCKING SHOCK AND TERROR because A) Max is literally DEAD right now and B) fuckin Vecna and the apocalypse

THIS information gives us a few potential meanings:

The Lean TM represents outside feelings. It is a contrast between the relatively more hopeful eyes of a twelve year old, be she alone, than the jaded girl two years later. But she's got friends now. And also The World's Problems still exist. (Dead children equals world problems, alone v w/ friends obvi, and hopeful but desperate v already dead.) Supposed resurrection represents that it is never too late.

The Lean TM represents that those involved will have their relationship to eachother, or their impression of the other, changed in the future. Even THIS could mean a hundred things in its own!!

Siblings-ass pair did it first, another elmax siblings thing, does that make lumax paralleled to siblings??? I am HESITANT AS SHIT about this one because the point of parallels indicating interpersonal relationships is the characters' feelings- and in The Lean TM 1.0, you could hardly call willel "siblings" PLUS it would be weird to make lumax be like a siblings pair atp imo.

In any case, it kind of seems difficult to make this about romo lumax *alone*

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NOW onto "are you real?"

This is Max saying something that parallels an earlier quote by El.

The funny thing is, Max in Stranger Things Four is actually more similar to Stranger Things FOUR El than to Stranger Things Two El. They both have feelings of guilt right now, and have trouble convincing themselves that they "deserve" friends and family, or for anything good to happen to them.

In Stranger Things Two, El is ACTIVELY SEARCHING for this family rather than avoiding it (though ST4 Max moves into this direction as well, the former is more connected to the nature of Max's Vecna Visions)

It's also totally different from the nature of their relationships, let alone the types!

El at the point of quote one ONCE AGAIN doesn't know Kali at ALL. By the time Max sees El, she is already familiar enough with El to believe that she could conjure her from memory!

Constancy???Hope?????Trust??? El2 was not in any type of immediate danger, unlike Max4.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS COULD POSSIBLY MEAN AND IT IS FUCKING ME UP. WHAT- BESIDES VISIONS AND DOUBTING REALITY- IS THE COMMONALITY HERE???

HI this has been sitting in my drafts for WEEKS and I've still got no FUCKING clue! On the one hand, the LEAN the GODDAMN LEAN makes it seem like it's probably elumax(if it's romo lumax it's probably both, and otherwise there may be a familial implication, but the meaning of that has become more Literal as of late so probably the first things) but then what the absolute FUCK is going on with the other thing?? In the SAME DAMN EPISODE!? And nowI'm reading about the lighting in the episode which makes the "r u real?" Thing even MORE confusing AND JESUS FORKING CHRISTY

[soleilocverse]

Chapter 17 Commentary

I think it was v fun to write Ray POV cooking a meal vs. Soleil POV cooking a meal! Like :) Soleil's is so drawn-out and over-anxious and detailed /because/ he's over-anxious. he's never certain about if he's done a good job (and is v concerned about that) until he gets outside approval and it Shows. Ray is not nearly as stressed or distressed about the cooking itself and so I hope it was conveyed the different vibes.

Emily is not as privy to Soleil's trauma but she knows something is Up. She's also not close enough to him to ask (either to understand more or offer support) which leads to her often being like, hm. Well, moving on. When smth is obvs Up and she doesn't want to pry or linger. I think she's the type of chara to not like, try and Guess what's up either. I have other charas who might try and extrapolate based on reactions but i genuinely think Emily's like, kay well, he'll tell me or he won't.

soleil has not been the biggest fan of wearing turtlenecks for a While. idt i like? put that in the fic until this point, he just. doesn't wear them if he can help it. soleil has a Thing about saying he doesn't like something if it could be the Wrong opinion or hurt someone else's feelings or get Him hurt or make him look ungrateful etc, and this will :) keep coming up in the fic :)

same w/ Soleil's ankle pain from last chapter. Not only would he not Say anything, his internal narration doesn't make mention of it either, because what would be the point or recognizing it? It's not like anything would change so he should just do his best to work around it.

Though I think he Does consciously clock that he doesn't like the turtlenecks and consciously works around it (like making sure he has enough of his other shirts so he doesn't have to wear them). while w/ his pain, bc he's so used to it, it doesn't consciously register--especially because he's used to always being in pain and before he can think too much about it, he's already resigned to the fact that it's going to hurt for a while bc he stood too much. but eventually it'll go back to hurting a little less. And so he's a little more careful (bc it's not like he /wants/ to be in more pain) but it's a routine and unconscious kind of adjustment, one that doesn't prompt dwelling in his POV chapters.

It was unintentional repeating "in a move" etc during the sex scene but I really liked that they each got their own separate thing.

I do waffle every time about including a sex scene, or if maybe i should add a content (not trigger) warning if there's going to be one that ch. i do try and keep them on the shorter side tho, and i also tend to think that people could just skip it if they didn't want to read?

LOL ALSO, unintentionally :) ray running his hand through each of his partners' hair during the sex scene mirroring earlier

Actually: that is one of the main reasons I'm deciding to keep the smut in the chapter. I'd started drafting up a separate work to put it in but!! I think it's fun that there are parallels in their relationships + behaviors in and out of sex, plus it's an important part of their connection/dynamic and i hope/don't think it's too out of place to include it

i think it's also just. good setup for future plotlines re: sex can be fun and teasing and enjoyable and entirely consensual, double re: soleil's past trauma [will continue to waffle about this]

me setting up to post and realizing one more. that i have forgotten a title for the ch (i have. One ch title planned as of rn, everything else is just OH FUCK, i forgot :) vibes As I'm posting)