#i've had this brewing for so long and i finally went “okay okay fine i'll do it”

[milo-hypno]

Rating Hermits by their Skins of Undress

My judgement is based on the following:

1 - the subject's enthusiasm 2 - the level of undress, and 3 - my own personal bias. A lot of Bias. Do not take this as any form of an official ranking.

I also am very sure that I haven't seen all the skins that might apply to this criteria, and... maybe if there's a lot of people interested, I'd run a formal tournament. Maybe. But for now, here's a ranking that's sat in my notes app for over a year!

7 - WormMan

Viscerally unpleasant. It may be a skin-tight suit with the ass missing, but- well actually, that's the entire sentence. That's all I have to say on this.

6 - RenTheDog

While, browsing NameMc, I have found multiple instances of Ren wearing less-than-clothed skins. They mostly seem to be plastered to the comical extremes, with bulging muscles and colorful garb, almost akin to a blow-up-muscle suit. While I commend the enthusiasm (... and haven't seen the context) it feels a bit comical. It may be delightful, but it is playing up the state of undress for humor.

Ren has committed to a bit, but unfortunately, it is not just the bit I'm looking for right now.

5 - Mumbo

While Mumbo was adventurous, his state of undress was less a matter of will and more of a matter of poverty. He sold his suit for 64 diamonds, and therefore isn't in this competition for the right reasons. His general disposition seemed slightly more embarrassed during this, the state of undress only transactional.

Mumbo simply looks uncomfortable like this. It invokes the feeling of needing to give him a spare robe, and a warm cup of coca. Have all my diamonds, little man, your heart's not into this.

4 - Bdubs

An old classic. Bdubs is IN the zone. His shirt is off and he is living life to the fullest. It's not the most skin shown, but he makes up for it with wearing it well, and confidence.

3 - Scar

While Scar is enthusiastic with his states of undress, often taking off his chestplate to show off, it is not the most extreme example. He manages to strike the balance of enthusiasm and undress in a way that is winning my heart, but not my top spot.

(side note: I tried to find the original creator of the pro-scitties meme, but due to time and it being reposted so often, I could not. My apologies.)

2 - Docm77

Doc has been baring his chest for years, and has no plans of stopping. His state of undress is almost never brought to light, and is instead in an admirable state of casualty that warms the heart. He's worn more scantily clad skins - but I've chosen this one for its classic nature, and also the labcoat that is parted tastefully. It says, "I could show more, but why should I?" Keep on, Doc. Keep on.

1 - ImpulseSV

Impulse literally co-hosts a game called Naked and Scared that has run for twenty-six seasons. Not only is he seemingly enthusiastic about his state of undress, but he's extreme in it, wearing only a pair of tighty-whities. His undress is a special event, but it is also a frequent and common one. I believe with my entire heart he has earned his top place.

Bonus: Skizzleman

While Skizz isn't an official Hermit, I feel he deserves to share the top spot with his homiebuddeh. He is In the zone. There is no shame in his eyes. He hasn't showered in 5 years by self-attestation and he owns it perhaps too proudly.

[12timetraveler]

Something In the Orange

Chapter 10

Summary:

Reader plots to get Arthur and Charles together while she and Hosea have some fun.

Notes:

Sorry this one took so long. I got som serious writers block while trying to work on it. Finally I finished it up and decided to send it out into the world. So sorry if there are any typos. I've been staring to long to do an editing read through.

Got a couple more chapters before shit hits the fan so be prepared. Enjoy the peace while it lasts.

As always below is a preview, read the full chapter on AO3.

Please note you do have to be logged in to view my works.

~~~~~~~~~~

When Arthur had called you at 7 in the morning on a Saturday, you'd been grumpy at first. You'd been working late, and Saturday was your day to sleep in. At first you ignored it, and nearly fell back asleep, but a few minutes later he called again and you started to worry a little. You reached for your phone a second too late, and the call ended before you could pick up. You waited to see if he'd call again before unlocking your phone to send him a text. Before you could hit send, another call came through, this time from an unknown local number.

Normally you wouldn't pick up from an unknown number, but you had a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that urged you to answer. When you picked up, a cheerful little tone played before an automated voice began speaking.

“This is a call from the Saint Denis Sheriff's department on behalf of... ARTHUR MORGAN,” The AI voice said his name, and your heart sank further. “Do you accept the call?”

“Yes,” you said, interrupting the AI voice.

“One moment while I connect you,” the little jingle played again, and then Arthur's voice came on the line, saying your name hesitantly.

“Arthur? What's happening? Are you alright?” You asked in rapid succession, not giving much time to answer.

“I'm fine. We're both fine.” He mumbled groggily.

“Both?”

“Lenny ‘n I. Um... We went out drinking and... We kept drinking. And drinking. And drinking.” He mumbled.

“God damnit, Arthur,” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Are you under arrest or?”

“Not really, I don't think,” he mumbled. “Not entirely sure what happened but they said they'd let us go if someone came to get us.”

“Fuck. Alright I'm coming. Are you at the station near campus?”

“Er... Not exactly. We're at the downtown station.”

“Jesus Christ. Alright I'll catch the next trolley and come and get you.”

You heard a knock at the door, and a moment later Charles pokes his head in. You held up a finger, signaling him to wait a minute.

“Do I need to bring anything?”

“Mmm a change of clothes would be nice. We uh... Kinda went swimming. Off the docs, if I remember right.”

“God, lucky they weren't fishing your arm out of a gators mouth,” you grumbled. Charles raised his eyebrows. “Alright. We'll get y'all some clothes and be right down.”

“We?”

“Charles is up. I'm guessing you alternated between calling me and him,” Charles nodded in affirmation, and Arthur only grunted to confirm. “We'll come down together so I don't have to herd you two soggy drunkards home on my own.”

“Okay. See you in a bit,” Arthur sighed sheepishly.

“Yeah. See you soon,” you huffed, hanging up your phone. You took a minute to wipe the sleep out of your eyes.

“I saw I had two missed calls from him, but I called him back and he didn't pick up. Thought I'd see if you knew anything,” Charles explained. “What happened?”

“It seems he and Lenny had a night they'll never live down,” you grumbled.

“I'll go brew some coffee,”

[idiotwhotalkstoomuch]

CW. LONG POST for the immortal!mc... I see lady yuu having a personality like toph from "Avatar the last Airbender". People are careful around her do to her status and doesn't know why she likes to hang around adeuce and grimm, but she likes how open they're around especially when grimm calls her "his henchmen".

Immortal!mc: *has been calling grimm for an hour* GRIMM!

Grimm: *ignores her*

Mc: *sigh* *dramatically* Oh the great and powerful grimm lord of flames

Grimm:*smugly* hmm~yes~

Sebek: *windows exp crashing noises*

Has a Harry Potter the Half Blood Prince moment in alchemy class.

Mc: *reading potion text book* *under her breath* cut up the moon bloom? You crush the moon bloom *notice a lot incorrect information in the text book* CREWEL!

Crewel: *walks over* yes mistress yuu?

Mc: You let these children brew these potions incorrectly? I hope they haven't been drinking them!

Crewel: with all due respect mistress yuu the information in the book is correct i can assu-

Mc: I know you're not telling ME of all people the steps in the potion book is correct?

Crewel: *gulps*

Mc: you crush not cut the moon blooms and you use the blue spider mushroom and not the yellow puff ball mushroom! And the final product should be yellow and not a lilac color!

I see her having a staff or something of the like and it has everyone confused because 'she doesn't have magic' yeah she doesn't have magic but she likes to uses it like a walking stick. She likes to watch the students with Ashton during P.E occasionally hit them with her staff.

Immortal!mc: *bonks student* No your form is all wrong! *shows them correct form* DO IT AGAIN!

Somedays when Trein wants to grade papers he'll have immortal!mc tell stories of her youth, she tells the a story of a flying ship with a captain with a hook for a hand, a medicine woman of a young emperor and her ditzy henchmen, a shady voodoo man she met at a tavern, and a woman just as old as her who kidnapped a princess to keep herself young.

During chapter 5 vil catches her in the mirror chamber one day and askes her about the mirror the beautiful queen.

Mc: *walks up to the mirror of darkness, touches the side resting her head on the frame of the mirror* It's been a long time my old friend

Mirror of darkness: *appears* I you my friend I you...

Everyone in the mirror chamber: 👀👀👀

Vil: *in shock and awe* ᵂʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᵘᶜᵏ..

During chapter 6 Vil comes to yuu during vdc training camp and askes her questions about her relationship with the mirror of darkness.

Vil: Miss yuu can I ask you about the mirror.. again?

Mc: *puts down her tea* oh yes! I never did answer your questions earlier

Mc: long ago I heard whipers in a village that a house deep in the forest lived a very handsome man who had magic... he had a daughter a real daddies girl.. I found her odd at first as she'd ask him everyday if she was beautiful and he'd reply 'the fairest in the land'

Rook: *knows where this is going*

Mc: but like most people around that time he became sick. One day me and the girl went around the forest collecting herbs for his medicine... when we came back he gone all that was left was a pile of his clothes and a mirror..

Kalim: *blinking back tears* then what happened 🥺

Mc: the poor thing was inconsolable.. she locked herself in her father's room and refused to comeout. Though I should have told her but I found a letter from him, detailing what he had done.

Deuce: *on the edge of his seat* them what

Mc: he used the rest of his magic to turn himself into a mirror for his daughter.. i'd seen that once before when I stayed the night at a beasts castle, but thats a story for another time.

Vil: was the girl you speak of the beautiful queen?

Mc: yes her name Grimhilde... in his letter he asked if I could look over his daughter make sure she lived a happy and long life... though I feel I failed him.

KINGDOM HEARTS HAPPENS AND YOU CANNOT WILL NOT CHANGE MY MIND!

When yuu has the prophetic dreams before overblot and she's mickey in the mirror

Mc: *notices a shadow in the mirror above the fireplace* that shape seems oddly familiar...

Mirror figure: Aha

Mc: *eyes widen* KING MICKEY

Mickey:*in shock aswell* YUU!

The first years remind her of Sora and Co. and catches herself reminiscening about them. They don't know what to do when they catch her crying.

Ace: M-Mc! Are you okay?

Sebek: WHO DARES MAKE LADY YUU CRY I'LL HAVE THEIR HEADS!

Grimm: *rubbing against yuu worried* henchmen?

Mc: No no.. I'm fine it's just you six remind me of some people I knew years ago.

During history trein asks mc about the great war and if she knew the inside scoop on why it started.

Mc: which one? there have been many

Trien: many..? I know only of one..

Mc: yes! There was the first keyblade war, the first human-fae war, Chernabog's war, the inter-species war, the second keyblade war and the second human-fea war.

Lila: *who came to drop off some papers* two human-fae wars..?

Mc: oh Lila! Yes the first one is when I crowned Maleficent as queen and the second one happend when a close friend of hers betrayed her...there was to be a third on but the human queen that started it was turned into a goat

Trein: keyblade war?

Mc: when magic was just becoming accepted..*clears her throat* it was revealed that there was a secret society of heros who wielded keyblades. It was believed there was a world where all magic come from.

Ace: are there still people who have keyblades?

Mc: no.. the hearts of people to day are to dark..

Deuce: to dark..?

Mc: back then people hearts where pure, why? The keyblade wielders protect people from the darkness. The people believed in a world where all from, only the Wilders could access the world.

Trein: *writing every thing down* what was this place called?

Mc: Kingdom Hearts... but as most stories go all of them wanted control over the world, but they needed the X-blade this caused a war of cataclysmic proportions. It pushed the world into darkness and killed many and shattered the x-blade and scattered across the world... kingdom hearts was to be forever lost.

Scarabia mob: you where alive during all that!?

Mc: no, but a close friend of mine was, but I was alive during the second

Sorry for my rambling and if i broke any of the rules during this feel free to delete of so.. but This is where I'm gonna stop as I've been typing this up for the past hour or so.. 🙇🏽‍♀️🙇🏽‍♀️

No rules have been broken (I didnt have very much anyway lol)

I really like this whole post lol though unfortunately I have not seen kingdom hearts so idk a lot of references here

Also Yuu does carry a staff in formal occasions. Lilia made joke on her saying she looked like an old woman with that but was promptly shut up when Yuu recalled a story of Lilia when he was younger

[adelior]

Name: Unconditionally

Author: R. Adelio

Genre: Romance, Minecraft, Comedy, Fluff

Main Lead: Technoblade, Dreamwastaken

Female Lead: Reader

Chapter: 1

Special Addition: Tchnomaid

Letters: 10,718

<- ->

"I'm bored" You mumbled into your palm as you kept your gaze on the papers that were set up in front of you. "It's your fault for trespassing their area, [Name]. You should know by now how strict Dream is with the boundaries of the countries." Wilbur interpreted, his brows furrowing by the second. "They could have killed you."

"I'm sorry, I was just curious" Hearing you apologize, he softened up and groaned. Wil patted your shoulder with a somewhat forced smile before leaving the room. "Make sure to finish brewing the potions by the end of the day. For now," He looked back, nodding his head. "I'll see you around, [Name]."

"You too, Wil" Sighing, you turned to look at the blonde-haired boy who stood awkwardly in the corner. "Well uh, that went well at least!" Slamming your first, you startled Tommy as he shrieked. "I got in trouble in YOUR PLACE-"

"Yeahhhh, about that, I'm sorry!" Tommy shook you by the shoulders, a grin spreading across his face. "I'll make it up to you okay? I'll set you up on a date with Wilbur if it makes you feel any better" Your cheeks darkened, giving the kid a pathetic slap as you covered the bottom half of your face.

"It's really nothing like that. I don't.. like him.." The last part of your sentence was muttered, and as usual, the boy who knew of your feelings let out a hollering laugh. "I knew it! Who would have fucking thought that you'd fall for Wil! Out of all people!"

"LOOK-" You turned to face him, your face getting hotter and hotter the more you thought about it. "I have my reasons okay! He's a good guy, and on top of that, he's an amazing friend"

"An amazing friend you say? He's also one hell of a fucking leader that's for sure. But enough about your crush let's go out and play with Tubbo!" Dismissing him with a single wave, you gave your best sympathetic smile. "Sorry Tommy, but I have to finish brewing these potions by the end of the day. I can't afford to be disciplined by Wil again"

"Hm, whatever, fine" The boy shrugged, leaving you alone. "THIS ISN'T THE END WOMAN! You will join me and Tubbo on our conquest sooner or later!" You chuckled, smiling at his childish behavior. "Yeah, yeah, now go on and have fun"

You can hear him shout out loud, laughing as he tackled what you perceive to be Tubbo. "I never wanna leave" The sentence that slipped out of your mouth caught you off guard. Despite being an outsider to their nation, they treated you with respect and saw you as a member of their group.

Sitting back down, you continued to flip through the pages of the book. Studying the recipes and applying the specific ingredients to each bottle. "Oh shit, I ran out of spider eyes" Cursing, you stood up to walk towards the door, looking out into the hallway. "Niki!" You shouted from your office, capturing the woman's attention. "Yes, [Name]?"

"Do you know if we have any spider eyes left in the chest room? Or have we completely run out of it" She pondered for a second, answering once she finished checking her inventory. "I don't think we have any more spider eyes. I'm also not carrying any with me sadly"

"Oh, that's alright. I can just outside and kill some spiders myself" Pushing yourself forward to one of your chests, you opened it and took some resources. A bow, 10 arrows, and full iron armor apart from your golden shoes. "[Name], you don't need to go out and kill some on your own. It's dangerous at night"

"Exactly, which is why I plan to go to the Piglin market to trade some gold for a few stacks of spider eyes" Niki shook her head in denial, refusing to let you pass by. "That's even more dangerous! We're humans, we can't go inside there unless we have the King's permission. And usually, we'd have knightly escorts to go around with us"

"True, but I can slip in and slip out without being noticed" You shrugged on your hood, a robe that covered your full body apart from your face. "I can hide with this, besides if they aren't able to tell that I'm human they'll never be able to report it to the king"

"Al..right.." The short-haired girl had a troubled expression on her face, but nevertheless, let you pass. "Good luck! Please come home safely" You turned to give her a single nod, a reassuring smile that was enough to calm her down. "I promise, so don't worry about me okay?"

And so you left, walking to the basement of your home where the Nether Portal stood tall. You gulped at the mere sight of it, how mysterious yet alluring. The purple particles only making it look majestic. "beautiful.." You muttered as you slowly entered, the change of temperature really hit you hard. It was hot, humid compared to how it felt in the overworld. "Goddamn how do piglins live like this"

"Shocking, right?" A male voice erupted from the silence, causing you to stiffen. "I'm assuming you're not used to traveling to the Nether." You slowly turned around, only to be met with a man with dirty blonde hair. "Pardon?" You tilted your head, staring at his smiling mask. "Nothing, would you like me to escort you and keep you safe?"

"And what makes you think I'd trust a stranger" You questioned, earning a chuckle from the man. "You're not as dumb as you look. But don't worry you're not my type, I won't do anything."

"WH-" His hand went over your mouth in a flash, he moves fast for a person with netherite armor, and on top of that a black robe. "Keep your voice down, first rule when entering the Nether World is to never bring unnecessary attention to yourself."

"Got it" Your voice was muffled from his large hand, he stepped back before leading the way, making sure that you were tailing right behind him. "The second rule, make sure to always be with somebody. Never travel alone or you'll die in an instant without somebody keeping you safe."

"Safe? Is the Nether really dangerous for you to say that?" Observing his reaction, you realized how sharp his jawline was. You can't peak through the mask but his mouth was fully exposed. "Yes, I take it you've never looked into this dimension?"

"Well, to be fair I've only heard of the Nether. This is my first time actually setting foot into the portal" The man's mouth pulled back into a dumbfounded snarl, almost as if he was silently judging you for your actions. "Weird." Was all he said before nudging you forward. "We're here, keep your guard up. What are you here for exactly?"

"I'm here to trade gold for a few stacks of spider eyes" He sighed, pulling your hood closer to your face. "You do realize you could have killed a few spiders in the overworld without having to come here."

"Uh, not really the best in combat you see" You admitted, darting your attention to the passing piglings who stood at least 5 feet taller than the man leading the way. Their species were large and brute compared to humans, they were cool but dangerous to interact with. "What the hell were you thinking when you decided to come here without somebody to guide you."

"I honestly have no clue" You stared at the man with a blank face, earning a disappointed grunt from him. "Well, turn around Princess because we just arrived at the Mob looting store. Stay out here, I'll get the eyes for you."

"Wait a second- I feel bad you're the one who led me here and protected me-" The man that accompanied you patted your head with one of the most genuine smiles you've ever seen. Despite him being awfully mysterious, he has shown nothing but kindness all throughout your journey. "Don't worry about it. Just stay here and don't run off anywhere. It's even more dangerous inside because piglins tend to fight over items."

Fidgeting with your hands, you finally agreed. The blonde took that as an agreement and stepped into the store. You were left to stay outside, leaning against the wall that was nearest to the door. A few seconds passed, and yet you were still outside waiting. You were beginning to think that the man who you walked with abandoned you.

"Ex..c.." A piglin with long pink hair muttered, his hand reaching for you. "Excu.." You stepped aside, worried that the mob was here to harm you. The more you stared at him the more you realized he was one of them, but one that looked more human. "Is there something you need?" You questioned the man, earning a nod. "What is it?"

"Do you.. Do-" Before he was able to finish his sentence, your eyes widened in realization. You swung your right hand to open your inventory, taking out a gold bar to hand over to him. 'I heard piglins liked gold, maybe he'll leave me alone if I gave him one' Was what you thought as you urged the hybrid to take it.

He looked at you back and forth, debating whether or not he should accept it. "Take it, it's alright I have plenty of where that came from" The man in front of you hesitantly took the gold into his hands, his eyes widening when he realized how shiny and well kept the item was.

"You..-"

"Hey." The man who accompanied you shouted once he exited the shop, pulling out his netherite sword. "Back off."

"Hey wait! He didn't do anything wrong, leave him be" You pushed the blonde male back slightly, apologizing to the other person with a forced smile. "Let's just head back before we get caught!" Turning around, you tangled your fingers with his and ran away, waving the piglin goodbye.

"What are you doing." He asked, narrowing his eyes from under the mask. "You said to keep attention away from us so I am-"

"I wasn't even that loud." You turned to glare at him. "It got a lot of people's attention" The man laughed, swooping you into his arms, and began to speed up his pace. "You're a good listener." He complimented, a smile fighting to break through his irritated expression.

It took time for the two of you to finally reach the same Nether portal from before. The blonde slowly lowered you onto your feet, handing the bag of spider eyes into your chest. "Here, it's heavy so make sure to hold it with both hands."

"Thank you.." You muttered, gladly taking the bag with a smile. "Say, um.. I never caught your name?" Before the man was able to walk away, he turned to look at you one last time before telling you his name. "Clay, the name's clay."

"Clay?"

"I'll see you around." With that, he pushed you into the portal. You fell onto your back once you were transported over to the overworld, lying there with staggering breaths. "I never got to tell him my name though" But once you sat up, the Nether Portal's liquid-like wall disappeared. The particles were being sucked into the middle, and the doorway to hell was disappearing.

"What the..-"

"[NAME!]" You hear your name being called out by what sounds to be Wilbur. Turning to look over your shoulder, you see the whole group running towards you with a worrying expression. "You're back!"

<- ->

ec: @quacobs (instagram)

[bangtanficsforyou]

I loved the prologue so much. So excited for the next chapter. I saw your requests are open, can I request a Yoongi X reader where they both are best friends and stuff and reader goes on a date and Yoongi gets jealous and finally confesses or kisses her? Make it the way you want.

Cookies and Confessions

Word Count: 1.2K

Warnings: Use of swear words.

"Soccer"

"Friends"

"Soccer"

"Friends and cuddles"

"Soccer, cuddles and I'll make you cookies later"

"Argh okay, fine" you grumbled.

That was Min Yoongi for you. No one comes in between him and his soccer matches and when you say no one, you mean, no one.

You move towards where he was sitting on the couch, to get the cuddles you were promised.

Although both of had your own apartments, you both preferred spending most of the time together at yours, doing nothing but watching shows on T.V while cuddling on the couch.

With you practically on his lap and face buried in the crook of his neck, you couldn't help but wish you were more than just his best friend. You can't remember how long you have had feelings for him.

You could never grab the courage to confess though. Even the thought of confessing scared you to no end.

Hence, you settled with being his best friend.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Yoongi's voice filled with enthusiasm, "Did you see that? That pass was so good"

"Hmm"

You could feel the vibrations of his chest as he chuckled lowly.

"What?"

"Still don't like soccer do you?"

"No, but I watch it just to accompany you, so you better appreciate it", you murmured into his neck.

Placing a kiss at the top of your head, "oh, but I do".

Smiling to yourself, you couldn't help the warmth that spread through your entire body. There was something about Yoongi that always made you feel safe and warm.

Cuddling with him always ended up with both of you taking a nap. This time was no different, you could slowly feel yourself drifting to a world where you could kiss Yoongi just the way you wanted.

Padding your way to the living room, you found Yoongi brewing some coffee, his back facing you.

"Hey, you should have woken me up", you say with a yawn.

"Oh you've–", Yoongi starts only to be cut off by you.

"Woah, give me some warning will you?" Your lips quirk up.

"Don't you dare make fun of my face mask", he grumbled loudly.

You raise a brow, "it's not my fault, you look so adorable with the mask on"

"Shut up"

"As if I–

Your bickering comes to a halt, with the sound of your phone chiming.

"Where's my phone?"

"It's on the table, wait a minute", picking up the phone, a scowl appears on his face. "Is that a Tinder notification?"

"I don't know is it?", There was a hint of excitement in your voice, as you take the phone from his hands.

"I didn't know you were on Tinder", Yoongi's tone was weird, but with the face mask on, you couldn't help but find it funny.

You snorted, "I can't have a serious conversation with you when you have your face mask on".

"You didn't answer my question"

Checking your phone you shrugged, "eh, I signed up last month, didn't think it was important to mention, now though seems like I've got a date".

"Hmm–", Yoongi went back to brewing coffee, "–and you're going to go on a date with a stranger?"

"I mean there's no harm in going right? I haven't been on a date since ages", your tone was light but you could feel yourself getting sad. The reason you were on Tinder, was simple, you can't be stuck on Yoongi forever.

"Are you sure about it–", Yoongi was cut off by you yet again.

"Yoongi, chill out it's cool, I think it will be fun"

It was not fun at all

Don't get it wrong, your date had the three H. He had a good sense of humour, was handsome and you could tell he was good at heart.

Your mind however kept going back to one person.

By the time you reached home, you were not in the best mood.

"So how was your date?", Yoongi asked from where he sat on the couch, not looking up from his phone.

"It was okay", you sounded annoyed.

Noticing your tone, he looked up, "What happened?"

"Nothing", you grumbled.

You knew it was wrong to take it out on Yoongi but you couldn't help it, you just wished all the feelings you had for him would disappear.

He got up from the couch and started walking towards you with his brows furrowed.

You were drinking cold water as if you've been thirsty for ages, with the hopes of cooling down when Yoongi quite literally snatched the bottle from your hands.

Putting the bottle down, he met your eyes, "Did something happen on the date?"

"No, that's the problem nothing happened", you said more to yourself than to Yoongi.

"What do you mean?" He had a deep frown on his face.

"I don't know what do you want to know", you were so close to snapping.

"Just tell me why you are behaving this way" he was getting annoyed as well.

"I just don't know okay? Like, it was such a great date. He had all the qualities, he was so nice, so humble, knew when to crack jokes, was a good listener, was so polite with every–"

Your rambling was stopped by Yoongi's mouth crashing on yours.

It was a passionate kiss from Yoongi, but you were unresponsive. You were too shocked to comprehend that Yoongi was kissing you.

Realising that you were frozen in place and not responding to the kiss, Yoongi suddenly stopped.

"Fuck, I-I'm s-so sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

"Why did you kiss me?" You whispered.

"I'm sorry, y-you were just rambling about how amazing the guy was a-and I just got so jealous, fuck, I've been jealous since you said you were going on a date. I felt like I had no chance and– argh just forget it"

"Do you have feelings for me?", Your voice was shaky as if you were too scared that it would all turn out to be a dream.

"Yes, obviously I do, I thoug–"

This time it was you who stopped Yoongi from talking any further. What was with you both not letting the other finish their sentence, you'd never know. All you knew, at the moment, was how delicately Yoongi was kissing you, how soft his lips were and how warm his hands felt on your waist.

Breaking the kiss, you look up to meet his eyes, "I love you"

Your confession was met with the most adorable gummy smile you've ever seen on him.

"I love you too, you idiot", he placed a soft peck on your lips.

You couldn't help but let out a giggle that was filled with so much joy and happiness that Yoongi too started giggling.

Pulling him close, you put your hands around his waist and your face in the crook of his neck.

"I can't believe this", you sighed.

"Me too baby but fuck I'm so happy" he placed a kiss on the top of your head. This one felt so different from the one earlier. There was no wishful thinking, there was no imagining. You could kiss him for real.

"We haven't yet discussed the names. It's too soon to call me baby" you grumbled playfully.

"Don't pretend as if you don't like it" he shot back.

"Maybe I don't", you bit his skin playfully.

"Okay, that's it. No cookies for you," he said pinching your waist.

You immediately detached from the hug, and looked at him in horror, "Don't you dare, Min Yoongi".

[my-keyboard-did-it-not-me]

The Storm That's Brewing

Summary: morning in Spain, breakfast

Warnings: food/eating

(first, previous and next chapter links at end)

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Chapter 9- A Morning Of Chocolate, Charging And Charming

Waking up was always hell, Virgil thought. Waking up to the smell of burning chocolate, and the sound of faint cussing from another room, though? Virgil wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Of course he was mad about waking up, and if it were up to him he'd nestle back under the covers and sleep for another week, but he was already on his feet before the thought crossed his mind.

Out of habit he checked his phone before anything else: one message from Patton, reading 'Okay! See you tonight!' followed by a heart, cat, and tea emoji. He replied a simple 'ok' emoji and shut off his phone. Then he did what his instincts told him and followed the chocolate.

Stepping out into the hallway, Virgil pondered over why he wasn't completely freaking out right now. For once, he had plenty of reason to: he'd just discovered that his roommate could teleport, meaning that he and Patton weren't the only superpowered ones out there and there could be countless others, that his life was probably going to get a lot more complicated very quickly, and also that he was in Spain. He was sure a breakdown was inevitable. Yet, walking barefoot towards a stranger's kitchen, in a stranger's house, in borrowed clothes, he felt completely fine. Probably because of shock. Or denial. Either way, he preferred it to stressing.

As he neared the kitchen, the cursing stopped, and he noticed quiet music playing from Roman's phone on the table. Behind, Roman stood, frantically jumping between the tasks of mixing bowls, setting the table and presumably not burning the place down.

Roman hadn't noticed Virgil sit down at the table, until he went to place a cup next to him and jumped out of his skin.

"Heckedy heck! Five abs and a peck! Warn a guy before you sneak up on them."

Virgil laughed. He'd never seen Roman so disgruntled before- dressed in sweats and an oversized Disney tee, hair unbrushed and face bare, discounting the line of flour he had across his cheek. Virgil rarely caught Roman in the mornings before either of them left for work, or for social purposes in Roman's case. He liked plain Roman- he seemed less like an annoying preening peacock, and more like an annoying, cute robin. Not like Virgil had any issues with Roman looking dressed up though, both were very pleasant sights.

"Well that's... An image. But yeah, good morning to you too Princey." He said, aiming for sarcastic, but just sounding tired (which he was). He glanced behind Roman, where he could see smoke. "Uh, something's burning."

Roman quickly turned the oven off, scowling into the previously smouldering bowl. He placed it, as well as another onto the table.

Virgil peered into one of the bowls and saw a mass of clumpy, charred chocolate. He bit his lip. "This looks... Good?"

Roman sighed and flopped into the seat opposite Virgil. "I know, I know. It's burnt. It's inedible. It's unsalvageable." He draped an arm across his head. "You've found my weakness- it's chocolate."

Virgil laughed under his breath. "What were you even trying to do? Burn the house down?"

Roman titled the other bowl for Virgil to see; inside were a load of piped, yellow-y shapes.

"Churros?"

Roman nodded solemnly.

"Why is this one shaped like a deformed dinosaur?"

"I was trying to make some Mickey mouse shaped."

Virgil tried to hide his smile. <i>Of course <i/>he was. "Alright well the chocolate is salvagable. Did you make the sugar dip thingy?"

Roman perked up. "I was just about to but..." He poked the chocolate lump with a spoon. "Really?"

Virgil stood, "Is there a kettle?"

"Why, of course!"

Roman outstretched his hand and, with a slight pop, a kettle appeared.

"Dude. How do you do that?"

"I don't know, I just-" He looked suspiciously up at Virgil, "I usually can't do it with people watching."

Virgil raised an eyebrow.

"Here." Roman handed Virgil the kettle.

Virgil placed it underneath the tap and filled it. A silence fell over the cabin. Virgil realised that he and Roman hadn't actually ever spent that much time together since their first day in the apartment. He reckoned, now that some new secrets had come to light, that was going to change. Was that a bad thing?

Once the kettle was almost boiling on the stove, and Roman had (manually) found a spare bowl and several types of sugars, Roman tried to initiate a conversation. Unfortunately, it wasn't one that Virgil wanted to have so early in the- morning? Afternoon? What timezone should he even go by?

"So uh... Do you just do lightning or are you like Storm?" Roman tried.

Virgil glared at him.

Roman summoned a white flag into his hand. "Alright, alright, Lightning McQueer, we'll talk about it later."

Virgil narrowed his eyes. Did he hear Roman correctly? He huffed out a small laugh despite his best efforts not to.

Roman beamed. "Virgil smiling within an hour of waking up? What magic is this? "It's straight out of a fairytale."

Virgil shook his head. "Yeah right, as who, the villain? The evil witch?"

Roman gasped. "Of course not! You are clearly the princess. The damsel in distress." He lifted Virgil's hand and tried to spin him.

"I have a kettle full of boiling water in my hand, you dolt!"

Virgil gently pushed Roman away, careful not to

Roman chuckled. "You certainly have the distressed part of damsel in distress going on."

"Dream on Princey." Virgil poured some water into the closest mug. He looked around for a second, then at Roman, "Spoon?"

"Me?"

"Do you have a tea spoon?" Virgil asked impatiently.

Roman smirked and handed Virgil a spoon he'd gotten from seamingly nowhere. Was he creating them or bringing it from another place? If so, where? Virgil would've asked if he hadn't already waved away Roman's question about his lighting/Storm powers.

Virgil muttered a "thank you" and poured a spoonful of boiling water in the charred chocolate and began mixing.

Roman quietly mixed some sugar and then began to reheat whatever oil he'd been using to cook the churros.

It didn't take too long for Virgil to revive the chocolate.

"How did you save it?" Roman asked incredulously. He placed a plate of freshly cooked churros, and a bowl of mixed sugars, in the centre of the table. He tried to pick up one of the churros but dropped it, blowing one his fingers to try cool them down.

Virgil grabbed Roman's dropped churro. He dipped it in the sugar and stirred it idly in the chocolate.

"If you somehow hadn't noticed, Patton likes to bake cookies, like, all the time."

"Uh-huh."

"Well he doesn't like to read recipes and we both get distracted pretty easily- plus, neither of us have any sense of time- so we've burnt a lot of chocolate. And we did this one time at the apartment and Logan came out of his room for once and got all Lecture Mode and told us that when you burn it you basically remove loads of moisture or whatever so you just re-moisturize it." Virgil took a bit of the churro then reconsidered his words. "That sounds weird. But... Yeah."

"I guess the know-it-all does know some useful facts after all. Let the record show, I always had full faith in him."

"You just called him a know-it-all."

"Unimportant." Roman said, dismissing the statement with a wave of his hand. He reached for a churro but they were still steaming hot. It was possible he'd overheated the oil a bit.

To Roman's surprise, Virgil grabbed and ate another churro without issue.

"How are you not burning yourself? These churros are hotter than Hades' hair."

"They're not that hot." Virgil shrugged.

"Virgil, they're steaming hot." He poked one. "Like me but in a less fun way."

Virgil suppressed a laugh. "Drama queen."

"Emo nightmare." Roman retorted.

Virgil began to think of a witty reply but found that 'emo nightmare' was really more of a compliment. He instead replied, "Thank you."

Roman summoned a fork and stabbed a churro. He did his best to fully cover it in sugar and chocolate without dropping it and, somehow, did so successfully. It was a truly heathenly way to eat a churro, he knew, but he was hungry.

After several churros (which never seemed to cool down, by the way), Virgil finally worked up the courage to ask, "So... When are we going back to America?"

Roman wiped some chocolate off of his chin. "What's the rush? Do you have work? A date? Some emo band concert tickets?"

"Ha-ha." Virgil deadpanned. "But no. No plans. Just... You know... America?" <i>Smooth.<i/>

"Alright, My-Chemically-Imbalanced-Romance, as you wish. How about I escort you home after we both get ready?"

"Both get ready? God, we're never leaving." Virgil sniped.

"Ha-ha. I don't take that long to get ready-"

"You're the reason Logan made morning bathroom schedules."

"-<i>But<i/> I have no plans today so I have no need for makeup. Just a quick shower. I'll use the en suite in the main bedroom if you want to use the main; I know you prefer to shower at night but since you were a little busy last night..."

<i>'A little busy' was an understatement,<i/> Virgil thought, but he agreed.

-

Despite Roman's promise to be quick, Virgil was ready a whole half an hour before Roman, who sauntered in at 5:30pm (Spanish time, which Virgil didn't know how to convert to his normal time), a whole hour after breakfast.

"Dude."

"Alright, it took a smidge longer than I'd previously anticipated- outfits and all- but I'm here now. You ready to go?"

Virgil ended his conversation with Patton, who'd been texting him from work, and slipped his phone is his hoodie pocket. He stood up. Roman walked over and took him by his hands. "What are you doing?"

"We need to be touching, apparently."

Virgil recoiled. "Apparently?"

Roman laughed nervously. "I've never teleported with someone else with me."

Virgil sighed and offered Roman his hands, "Great."

Roman accepted. He held Virgil's hands tightly, which sent sparks up and down his spine (possibly literally, it was hard to tellwith him) and closed his eyes for a second, then let go. He proposed, "Why don't we for a walk first? There truly are some splendid views around here."

"Roman."

"It must be almost sunset, very picturesque-"

"Roman."

Roman collapsed onto the couch. "It didn't work."

"What do you mean 'It didn't work'?"

"I tried to take us back to the apartment, back to my room, your room, behind the apartment, backstage at the Mind Palace... Nada."

"Why?"

"I can't do it when people are watching," Virgil raised his eyebrows. "Or cameras. I guess somebody's home."

"You don't say."

"No need to fret, though, we can try again a bit later. Somewhere's got to be empty eventually."

Virgil flopped down onto the couch next to him.

"Actually," Roman turned to Virgil, "I have another solution. May take a while though. Need to send a few texts. Want to go for a walk?"

Virgil bit his lip. He hated having no control. "Okay."

"Curses, my phone's dead. Please spare me a second."

"Give it here." Virgil said, already regretting it.

Roman handed over his phone with very little hesitation. Virgil's phone was his lifeline; he doubted he could hand it over as easily as Roman had.

Virgil placed the phone between both of his palms, like a sandwich. He glanced towards Roman then back at the phone. Energy coursed through his hands, like constant static shock, although a lot less painful. He watched as the minute switched over to 17:29, and as the battery percentage steadily increased. He stopped at 20%, which took a minute, as it was 17:30 when he was done, although Virgil hadn't noticed the time passing, too focused on his task.

He could've charges the phone up fully, or a little faster but if he'd learnt anything from the seven phone batteries he'd killed within a week, it was best to take it slowly. The last thing he wanted was to ruin Roman's nice phone.

"There." Virgil handed the phone back to Roman.

Roman desperately wanted to pepper Virgil with questions about his (awesome) powers, but he'd been raised a polite gentleman and opted to only thank Virgil, no questions asked. He knew both of them were equally curious of the other's abilities, but perhaps it wasn't the right time. He'd let Virgil ask the first question.

Roman sent a series of texts and received a response almost instantly. It was technically part of her job.

Plans were made- which Virgil knew not of, for no reason other than that he didn't ask, and this wasn't something Roman paticularly wanted to be known- for an hour's time. That left plenty of time for a nice walk, and hopefully an enlightening chat, Roman thought.

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Taglist: *insert audio of the zoe 101 oOh*

Chapter 1:

Chapter 8:

Chapter 10: in progress

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #19: Wishbone (2000)

Hey, is anyone still alive out there? I hope so.

Coming off of last year was a disaster, and well, we didn't enter 2021 on the highest of notes. I guess you could say I've been burned out and not having a ton of motivation to do a lot, even with how much I've been grinding on Letterboxd over the past few months. I think I'm ready to come back, and since there's a storm is brewing outside, let's make today a movie night...and boy, do I have a treat for you.

I think I've made it kind of apparent that I have a weakness for terrible, low-budget, trash fires. There's something oddly charming about them where they always find a way to lure me in, and given the scene on Letterboxd, there's a bunch of SOV masochists out there waiting to get their next fix. While digging around for material to cross off my lists on titles to find and add, I was reminded of a terrible, low-budget film that was shot in my hometown over 20 years ago. I'm full of fear for what's to come, and you should be too.

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Wishbone is a 2000 horror film directed by Timothy Gaer and co-created by Michael Fasciana, centering on a woman named Laurie who receives an unusual artifact from her eccentric aunt she acquired from a pawn dealer that causes those around her to disappear when they make wishes on it. Hmm, seems simple enough. Let's what we're in for, and I'm absolutely not ready because the IMDb page says this shit is over two hours long, despite a version on Youtube having it just a bit over 90 minutes. Let us pray.

Wishbone in One Gif:

This acting is might be the death of me, but I'm not sure what's going to be the catalyst that causes me to fall down the stairs and break my neck: the sound quality, the weird editing, or the music...oh, god what the fuck is the music doing? So much noise, noise noise!

Okay, so let's dig into this before I take too long of a break and I don't come back to this. I've already had to pause the movie a few times to catch my breath or just rewind and go back because there's a good amount that I keep missing because, apparently, the star of the film is the score and not Laurie. This is so, so slow. I've seen a lot of long horror movies, but at least with those, it feels like things are happening. Even Blood Lake had filler that did something to some degree, and with that, it was consistently bad. This movie doesn't even know what it wants to do. So, as a disclaimer, there's a good chance I'm probably missing some key details that I didn't hear because it seems that characterization isn't important if the music insists on talking over everyone.

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So, to date, this might be one of the worst horror movies (and movies in general) that I've ever seen and it might be one of the slowest things in the entire megaverse. This is over 90 minutes of, somehow, nothing and something happening simultaneously - if that makes any sense.

This takes its sweet ass time moving along and there's so little pay-off. The majority of the characters are either nameless or we aren't introduced to them in a way that matters enough for us to care about them. It's kind of like with Violent Shit and other low-budget slasher films where the majority of the characters serve no purpose but to be disposable. Next to the two main leads, Laurie and Joe, and maybe a few others, everyone is just forgettable and even then I couldn't honestly tell you anyone's name if it was explicitly brought up. IMDb isn't helpful either, and at this point it just makes me care even less. I'm not sure if my patience has been tested too much with this, but it's kind of sad that I'm more invested in seeing what the background characters are doing than Laurie and Joe - even though I can't really hear what the hell they're saying.

Yeah, I really can't move on without talking about the sound and the music. Why is it always the audio with these movies? This has an estimated budget of $100,000, or $154,779.43 today in August 2021. How do you have the ability to somehow not make this look like a potato for the most part, well for the day shots that is, but you don't have it in you to get a good mic and someone who knows how to mix and edit correctly? I would sort of understand if you spent the majority of the money on talent to cut corners, but this is just ridiculous. Did they use the cameras' built-in mics to catch the audio here?

I feel like I need to interrupt the movie constantly to tell them to speak up because if I turn up the volume, I'm just getting bombarded with this really weird soundtrack that doesn't fit. I shit you not, during one of the kill scenes, the music booming over it sounds like it was ripped from Kevin MacLeod's "lounge" library and then the reverse happens where ominous music is playing over a more touching scene - and that's not even a dig at Kevin as an artist. That's just how inappropriate and unfitting this editing is. The weird fucking thing about this specific kill scene is that it sounds like the audio is stacked, so there are two different instrumental tracks going on.

How do you fuck something as basic as tension up like that? The audio choices are so painfully inconsistent and it doesn't know what it wants to do. There are moments where you can hear the dialogue just fine, but then the music comes in out of nowhere to segway us into the next scene and it starts to muffle things out. If it isn't that, then the dialogue is just so soft that you'd think there was a pillow on the mic or we're hearing them from the opposite side of a sound-dampened room.

This is what I meant earlier when I said I apologize in advance if I miss anything crucial because I can't make out half of these conversations. So, I'm having to keep going back if I care enough or just having to pause and take breaks because there's only so much I can handle. This means that there's a good amount I'll blank on because I have to keep going back because I can't remember the majority of these no-named characters. Who the fuck are you people? Why am I supposed to care?

If I'm understanding the non-existent rules of the wishbone, you're connected to whoever dies in some way. So, why is any of this relevant to what's going on? If it's random, then it's another reason for me not to care just because some frat kids made a wish at some point. Again, who the hell are you and why am I supposed to lament over them? Why is there so much useless filler here? Did I mention that this is over 90 minutes long and there are *three* fucking party scenes? Party scenes are to Wishbone as ten-minute-long jetskiing and beer game scenes are to Blood Lake.

Oh, speaking of other shit that's annoying. Let's talk about general editing because the sound isn't the only thing that's a mess here.

I swear that almost every single scene in this ends with a fade-out/fade-in shot. Only one or two scenes come to mind where this doesn't happen, and the first time it did I thought my browser was freezing because it abruptly cut to black and then smash cuts to a party scene. I've never, ever seen a movie that abused this that much before and it's on par with something I would have seen made by a bunch of high school kids. So, when we have a moment where this doesn't happen and it plays out normally, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I'm sure this movie's run time could have been shaved down by at least a minute or two if this wasn't a problem, along with all the useless close-up shots that serve nothing to the plot.

It's such a waste of time. I'm so fucking tired. How was this movie's budget $100k? Did they spend most of it on renting the Scranton Police Department for a few shots or did it go towards their impromptu trip to Party City? I'm so tired and I don't care anymore.

Do you want to know what the real kicker is? With just barely twenty minutes left, the whole lore about the monkey's wishbone paw comes back and that's when Laurie and her friend Karen think something is weird. Isn't this whole realization trope that happens within the first or second act, not now with your Great Value brand version of the Dream Warriors?

Also, it's not specified how much time has gone by since the start, but it has to have been at least a week or two. It's incredibly weird how they paint the main characters and the unnamed background ones as such good friends that they don't think it's weird how almost all of them have disappeared - especially one girl who doesn't seem off-put that her boyfriend (or ex) disappeared after getting into an argument at one of the parties and none of his friends could reach him either at his own house.

The final showdown is an utter pain in the ass to get through because the conflict ends as abruptly as it starts and it's so unsatisfying. We get to see the face of our villain, I guess, and then more or less cut to our leads holding hands down the street set to the same looping lounge music we've been dealing with for over 90 damn minutes. Is everyone else who went with them dead? Did they live? Who cares! That's one thing the movie and I can agree on since we never see them again. We end on a shitty cliffhanger that's supposed to prepare us for a sequel, which thankfully never happened.

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And that was Wishbone. Holy fucking shit, I've never been so thankful for a movie to be over in my life. It's 11:07 PM as of tinkering with some minor revisions and I've been in purgatory with this for over five hours, and yet, it feels like an entire lifetime has gone by.

I've raved about how bad Blood Lake was with its incredibly bad pacing, but this is next level awful and a testament to bad filmmaking if I've ever seen it. I expect a lot of the things I complained about from super amateur filmmakers who are shooting on an actual shoestring budget, not people who had that much money to fuck around with. How did they have that kind of a budget, and the most they can give us is bad audio, Windows Movie Maker levels of basic editing, three wrap parties, and a few crumbs of gore that we could see?

This was physically painful to see and I'm in much worse shape having endured it than I would have been if I sat through something liked Boardinghouse, and that has a two-and-a-half-hour-long version tied to it. This is just a marvel and I mean that in a so-bad-it's-bad way, not like how SOV enthusiasts who love this stuff pine over. If I had to give one thing going for it, one single granule of gold that I enjoyed from this, it's the limited shots we get of the area so I could make a game out of seeing what local spots I recognized. If playing I Spy is the only way for someone to endure your movie, then I don't know what else to say.

Wishbone is a hot mess where shit's happening, but also nothing is happening at the same time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In fact, I wish this movie never existed or would die in the ether and never return to our mortal realm ever again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke and hope I don't get run over by a hearse tomorrow.

RATING: 0.5/10