#i. haha. im Not okay right now. especially not bc my mother is travelling in a few days for her work and it just. scares me so much

[wingsofhcpe]

pros of watching bly manor: beautifully written story, sapphic action, made me Feel Things

cons of watching bly manor: I am now filled with terrible anxiety and fear over losing those i love most (more of that fear/andiety than usual, anyway)

[swearronchanel]

and my commentary continues: series 6, episode 2 (if this is now a thing idk what to title it)

You asked for it, my first class isn’t until noon tomorrow so I can sleep in & so, I complied Also the SAG awards finished at like 10pm so even after doing my night routine it’s still early haha here it goes …

- Oh shit I forgot color - ah I really like the new intro - Penny’s outfit is so cute - “Walk don’t run” stfu Sister Ursula this isn’t elementary school - “Have you lost your marbles bubsy” haha that’s cute - UGH I WANNA FIGHT THIS NUN - LET JULIENNE ARRANGE THE DAMN FLOWERS - This is when sister Ursula presses sister Monica Joan about the bon bons lol - “Unlike your sisters” guessing u don’t think u count - You’re damn right - Sister MJ sly af 😏 wish she was my grandma - Aw penny it’s ok sweetie all will be well - AlRight so where is St Cuthberts, is it closer than the London? Idk just wondering - I don’t care that much tbh - Damn this man gonna go blind how sad - I like knowing what happens when I’m watching bc I can’t take so much I get anxious - But are we not going to mention Patsy’s wig anymore? It’s still ugly, lucky emerald is beautiful anyway - - Ugh my bbys are still so hurt about the thalidomide 💔💔 - IT WAS NOT EITHER OF YOUR FAULTS - YES IT IS A MIRACLE PATRICK, YOU SHOULD’VE MENTIONED IT LAST WEEK but it’s all good - HE’S TOUCHING HER STOMACH AH - AND THEY KISSED Lmaoo I bet this will break Tumblr - UgH SUCH A SWEET MOMENT TO MELT MY COLD HEART - Jk this show has made me such an emotional mess, like I rarely ever used to cry or anything - But it could also be because of university diminishing my sanity - “We should really start telling people” - YEA PLS GIVE US A CUTE SCENE TELLING EVERYONE @ NONNATUS - - Buttt, I’m gonna guess it’s either going to be implied that they told them off screen or they won’t find out till she starts bleeding mid inspection ?? idk I’m just guessing, don’t come at me lmaoo - Patrick’s smirk “he’ll certainly understand” 😂😂 - SHELAGH’S CRINGING FACE I LOVE IT - YOU KNOW IM HERE FOR ALL CRINGEY EXPRESSIONS - Plus that’s my bby - - PHYLLIS SAW PATS AND DELIA - SHE KNOWS & IM GLAD IT WAS HER TO FIRST FIND OUT - - alright so let me be annoying real quick - From that clip from the casebook Valerie is problematic/lowkey racist & no estoy aquí para eso PERO I like her in the moment? - One, her outfit is cute - & B, she gets along well with my shelagh and seems nice.. I’m not gonna forget her comment though lol, so I’m going to stay neutral for now - - Ok the Marsh baby is born next - Lol sorry I love when sister Winifred is being cringey or funny but this was just kinda boring but I know it’ll get better later in the episode - BUT SERIOUSLY I WANNA KNOW SISTER WINIFRED’S REAL NAME - Idk why that was capitalized I don’t feel that strongly but I’m very curious !¡! - - Shelagh being all cute and cheeky giving those vaccinations - Penny is so sweet - - Alright this is so irrelevant but still, Shelagh is outside.. so Why would she throw up in a napkin in her hand? lol, all that open space 😭😂 idk I really hate throwing up and will not let my self throw up. Not even vlad can make me😷 - SHIT THAT EXPLOSION THO - what were they doing exactly? - like a bitch over here a lil confused :/ - MY LIL SUPERHERO SPRINGING TO ACTION YES BBY - shit George’s blind for good now it’s sad - and arthur’s gonna die damn - - look at disheveled Shelagh so damn pretty but I wonder when she got that cut lol - Lmaoo @ Valerie, so she knows the Nonnatuns - - Damn I’m only 17 mins in why do I talk so much shit to myself - Sister MJ sneaking that bread during sister Ursula’s prayer is me 😂 - I swear though if Sister Ursula tries to get rid of Sister MJ I will fight - My eyes roll every time this woman is on my screen - Phyllis chewing angrily is also me - “Travel visas there have been canceled” shit pats it’s too relevant right now - “I’m trifle deaf these days” PHYLLIS U ARE A GEM - Penny wins best dressed patient - - Patrick worrying is precious - SHELAGH TRYING TO HINT WHILE SMILING IS SO FUNNY BUT WHY - Lmao why are they acting like Tim is not literally right there? - Also this boy is 15 why is he not ever with friends - Of course he knew, he’s always around and isn’t dumb at all. He basically grew up around pregnant ladies tbh - “.. Good I don’t want to know any other details” lmao 😂 - I knew he’d be pleased but I lowkey wanted him not to upset or annoyed so he could have a good little story line - It’s not realistic that this 15 year old is so pleasant with his parents all the time - Like I was an angsty fright @ 15 - lol I’m acting like I’m old, I’m going to be 19 & I’m still like that^ with my parents a lot of the time - - Why do British people call bandaids “plasters”? Hm. I just think of plaster of Paris for like walls or whatever it’s used for - “I’m a slow healer” lol Shelagh is so precious - “If the baby’s a girl I’m moving out” I think it’ll be a boy. Actually Idk forget I said that - Don’t be nervous bby, speak up you got this - “That’s my girl” yes Patrick that’s our girl protect her at all freaking cost 😭 - I’ve gotten so far without saying “fuck” I’m proud - - “This is the dark before the dawn, but there is always a dawn” thanks sister I needed that - “I’ve committed a crime"😭😭 - I love sister MJ - also not gonna lie I cried a little the first time watching this - - Some mothers of color in the community centre makes me happy - Who’s the model though? 😏 - Someone find him & tag me - Ugh here comes sister “I ruin everything” - Honestly when is sister Julienne just gonna come out and say “you gotta go”? - No that’s not the way you do things - fuck yea sister J - “We must simply sit it out and wait for Churchill” - I HOPE THATS TRIXIE - BUT also I really want Sister Julienne to be the one who saves the day - Lol yea Babs your wardrobe should step it up but it’s okay - - Shelagh don’t be nervous you’re gonna kill it - Does sister Ursula even do anything? She doesn’t see patients does she? Nah she just makes everyone angry - Get up outta here - Lol I’m so Brooklyn for that - “Mrs Turner you look nice” - UM YES, MY BBY, her new dresses & coats slay - She finally took a break from the damn cardigans & I love it. Not that there’s anything wrong with cardigans but you catch my drift - Nah for real I wanted a fabulous wardrobe for Shelagh bc times are changing & Laura Main is literally gorgeous so she needs pretty outfits & got it I did - so here for it, now we wait for another pair of trousers. lets get it 1962 - this first dress had such jackie kennedy vibes, love it - - “Consequences be DAMMED” YES PATS - Phyllis and Sister J are proud, I really want one of them to press Sister Ursula - Look @ Delia actually being a nurse! - ah penny 💔 - - Shelagh’s so nervous at first but then is like YOU KNOW WHAT ASSHAT JUDGE - “Where is nurse Mount?” , “where she is needed” YES SISTER JULIENNE - love the blue coat Shelagh - “I’m not ill, I’m just tired and angry” same - Don’t cry bby - “Our best is worthless bc it won’t change anything” ugh crush my heart, especially that little hug. I need to hug them all - lol who invited Tom to the hospital - he’s so handsome though so it’s ok - TELL THEM, STAND UP - “We need to fight” yes ! - I was worried penny’s baby wouldn’t live - C'mon Pats be pc - okay patsy opening up, crushes my heart she’s so closed off but I feel - Here comes the wicked bitch of the east [end] - Whoops can I call a fictitious nun a bitch - YES PATS YES DONT TAKE HER SHIT - Aw patsy, you two will okay, I mean look sister Bernadette came back as Shelagh because of letters so you never know - - Shelagh’s baby blue outfit >> - she needs to go out in public more with her hair down and slay everyone’s life - “Not today.” Yes Delia - “You did it Mrs Turner, you made em listen!” - Yes tf she did. I’m so proud - the set makeup artist did a crazy good job with the burns - “We never really out grow our parents, we just think we do” aw I should call my mum and dad - mm maybe later it’s midnight lmao - DELIA SAID I LOVE U - I FEEL LIKE NO IMPORTANT COUPLE on here HAS SAID “I LOVE YOU” to each other ?? - They almost kissed aw - Fred just break the door damn - Reminds me a little of when Jenny left - Aw the Marsh fam - Phyllis you are gold - Phyllis is still learning Spanish, please give her an opportunity to use it! - the only Spanish speaking mother was conchita, wasn’t that the first episode ever? lets get another one - Anyway, this was so sad. - “The pain it costs to love..” PHYLLIS I LOVE You. You deserve everything good - Aw all the other mothers with penny! - Alright Lets hear it Vanessa - Aw Delia Bonus: preview for next week - my other bby Trixie is back !! - hope she loses her shit when she realizes sister Ursula is ruining everything + patsy/sister mary cynthia are gone - My bby Shelagh looks so pretty!💕 - BUT I KNOW NO ONE IS SHUTTING DOWN ANYTHING - I will not have it - Phyllis spilling the ever so obvious and boiling tea, sister Ursula is UNFIT - Pls let Sister Julienne say something crazy to her before she goes - Why is babs crying?? - ugh of course that’s the most of a preview we get - Nothing bad will happen to my bbys I won’t have it. Protect them at all costs or I’ll spontaneously combust - Jk but I might flip my shit or throw my laptop - But for real for Shelagh to miscarry 3 episodes in would be a waste of a storyline - Plus it is a drama, we’ll be shook for a while, then we’ll cry, we’ll laugh & then Vanessa Redgrave says something profound and we go on with the week - The End 🙃🙃 - If you read this far, you’re a champ - I did this for u all

[thegeminisage]

today’s zeldablogging, big big huge very much spoilers everywhere:

WHERE DO I EVEN GO FIRST there is. so Much

out towards the ocean, i suppose...i see a shrine, and something else glowing that could be a settlement or lava or even a great fairy, and there are those islands to think about

GOD IT'S A COMBAT SHRINE a minor test of strenth okay okay i can do this

oh pffft that was easy

and i got...a giant ancient core, which sounds nice but probably won't let me upgrade my rune

how come the bokoblins can use bomb arrows in the rain and i can't?!

OH MY GOD....

first skeleton bokoblins, then skeleton lizalfos, and now skeleton moblins?!?!

wish i had marked that other glowing thing with a pin...i can't find it now lol

and i am at the islands!! man these bridges sure are tiny and high up

all this climbing i want to do and its about to rain :/

oh good. more flying guardians :|im trapped on top of this island in the middle of a lightning storm in the night besieged by moblin skeletons and keese swarms and my only non-metallic weapon is a korok leaf smh

mkay i am All Done with the islands im gonna warp back to the tower and mark the glowy thing this time

oh they just look like mushrooms?? well i'll go pick them i guess

OH OMG IT'S A FAIRY FOUNTAIN SKDFGH YES!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!

only 500...but i know it gets worse :| im saving up

oh this one is blue!! how pretty

haha i still think they look more like mermaids...can't see their legs and they pop up outta water :3

OMG I SEE THE FIRE DRAGON

THE DIN ONE

IN THE DISTANCE AAAAH!!!!

so far away ;u;

i can't even take a good picture!!!!

oh no

oh NO

skeleton moblins...and now a skeleton hinox ;___;

...skeletons only take two hits. im gonna go fight it

omg the hinox fight music plays nooooo rip m having eventide flashbacks

oh my god! wow! okay! this one takes more than two hits!!

it's lightning too i can't even use my bomb arrows what did i get myself into........

OMFG HE IS TEARING OFF HIS OWN RIBS TO THROW AT ME LSKDJFHG

oh the lightning is a hinox thing. Great i only have metal weapons rn

aaaand he ran away with the dawn. ok

oh dude this shrine is cool you have to like play putt putt golf hahaha

OMG IM GOING TO CRY

i found another memory and it's of zelda saying she's prayed all her life like her father wanted and she still can't make the gods hear her......im so sad for her

there's nothing wrong with you my sweet daughter!!!!

this is cool tho the talk of her father and mother and grandmother and link's father

they have families and lives, it's so neat, i wish i knew more about them

tho ofc almost everyone who knew and loved link is long dead now......

ah. i paraglided her, but

to get out i have to bypass all these flying guardians. Great

NO SKDFGJH ONE SAW ME

so its laser grazed me and only took one heart and i was like thats it?! i'll fight you!!

then i got hit directly and it nearly killed me so now im running

NOOOO THERE'S A LYNEL HERE JESUS GOD

I JUST WANTED TO GET TO THE SHRINE AND I RAN RIGHT INTO HIM SDLFGJH

god and a blue hinox in the way too Why

omg i unlocked a monster shop lskjghf now i will see him in villages at night!!!

ah the shrine is on top of this huge rock pillar, how do i...?

maybe i can glide from a nearby cliff!!

okay...okay...it's not sheer rock, there must be resting places, if i glide form here maybe i can do it

i can't glide from where i'd like bc of the hinox (:

I MADE IT

they better not make me solve a fucking puzzle too

ah good they didn;t

FLAMEBLADE thats so badass

oh god another blue lynel

maybe it's even the same one

my dude i just wanna travel....i promise, i promise

FINALLY the akkala research lab!!!

dude better have some sick duds or something for me i swear to god

the music in here is lit i love it

uh

there's a...blue glowing statue

looks like something out of the tower of the gods awww

haha it's damaged! poor thing

this old man like "show me the wounds on your body you suffered" bro are you asking me to strip

oh my gOD his electric guitar pose thing

jesus chrkjrgh

EVERYONE IN THIS GAME IS A GIANT HAM

im doing a quest where you have to carry fire

AND IT STARTS RAINING

this game has made me LOATHE rain! i thought that was impossible and yet!!!!!

im running out of map stamps :/ why would you give me a world this big and limit me to only 100...?

aaaand it's raining

and my ONLY TORCH BROKE god i keep accidentally using it to hit things!!!

FINALLY i did it!!!!! god that was so tedious

oh my god this guy could make me such amazing gear, but i don't have the materials </3

now to check out this maze building it looks super weird and i can see a shrine in it......

how the fuck are you even supposed to get there i hope my glider can take me

lovely. the wind's blowing against me and i see flying guardians from here

noooo they're EVERYWHERE and i have to do a MAZE oh my god

i can solve it on my map and mark the dead end routes, fortunately

i still kind of want to explore those routes lol

oh they're so bare......maybe not

if i miss something like a korok seed or whatever a guide will direct me back here later

or...maybe not

i mean im next to the shrine but it's surrouned on all sides by wall?

bet it's too tall to climb even with potions and my gear

ooh or if it isn't those lfying guardians will fuck me up in a snap

YES i got lucky and found my way in from the top

or no i found...a sword, great, how do i get into the SHRINE

YES here it is

dude i got an ATK+ helmet!! i got GEAR!!!! YES

AAAAH I GOT ATTACKED AS SOON AS I GOT OUT

nope fuck this im fast traveling. goodbye forever, maze island

geez i guess that must be nearly it for this province then i got one shrine left i think and then i could........go to death mountain?

tbh kinda tempted to go back down to lake hylia but i'll pass for now, i want more Plot

i suppose i didn't do akkala beach but it's small and remote so i'm ok with that for now - i can clean up the endgame stuff later when better guides are out

there's a stable next to this shrine!! yay!!!!!!

omg there's a goron here!!!!! hi!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally hit 10k rupees

ooh this guy is talking about a legendary sword...GIMME MY MASTER SWORD

tbh i'll be disappointed if there's no special quest to get it tho like you just...find it? kinda weak

AAAH I CAN CHANGE MANES HERE........jemma has a floral mane now ;w;

too bad i didn't find this before, i can't ride her up death mountain, unfortunately - it's so much faster to fast travel, and she might get hurt, and i'll have to get on and off of her so much... ):

oh wait, i haven't explored the lake yet! i forgot! i can take her there <3

all the guardians here scared the shit out of me but they arent functional, thank god

NO FUCK THERE ABSOLUTELY IS A LIVE GUARDIAN HERE.....fuck fuck i can't KILL them

omg no i see TWO of them

if it was just one i might try my luck, but...no way

i'm sure in the future i'll be able to get more guardian arrows but right now i have, like, 4? so i can't waste them

and when i have the guardian armor that'll help too but. not Now

aaah i found somsone whose ancestors died at that tower...apparently the last stand was made there at what used to be the fortress after the castle fell ;_; and he wanted to pray there but it's too dangerous and i am AD oh my god

i can see the death mountain tower and a shrine from the akkala tower, but i can only reach the shrine by gliding. the tower is surrounded by (UGH) snow

lol the shrine is by a stable too

AAAH kass is here!!!!!!

AWWW he said the song he's playing was used by the ancient hero to call his horse!! gonna cry omg

bro lmao there's an ostrich running around here what kinda shenanigans

oh my god this dried lava under the tower is SO COOL it's so BIG and i feel so SMALL

ah, eldin tower - so this is the eldin province

wow the first stops are quite a ways up on this one! lucky i have so much stamina

ooooh my gosh the eldin map is HUGE and FULL OF LAVA im not sure im Prepared for this!!!

lol in a fun twist the temperature gets HOTTER as i gain altitude. ohhh man

i guess...i wanna do plot. i'll try to make it to goron city, and come back and explore later

when i have more fireproof elixirs lol rn my inventory is packed so i could only buy 3

oh my god i can't use wooden weapons, my arrows turn into fire arrows as soon as i get them out, even the loot will catch fire if you leave it too long, this is Intense

OH MY GOD A STONE TALUS BUT IT'S LIKE, MAGMA-Y

okay this is cool i wish i hadn't waited so long

lmao i accidentally drank a defense elixir and erased my fireproofness early OOPS

omg you can't use bomb arrows either dkgjhdfg the heat makes them explode instantly

unfortunately the only thing that makes a dent is ice arrows and i just don't have enough rn....BUT I WILL RETURN god that is so cool okay anyway

all right......i really like this region. normally i'm a water person, ESPECIALLY in zelda games, but rain and lightning have been nothing but a pain in my ass since i started playing. maybe i was ready for some #Heat

HA there's the fucking blood moon good thing i DIDN'T kill him it would have been erased right after

the blood moon looks kinda cool when the air is already like this tbh but i still hate it

like on a gameplay/story integration level it's a cool way to explain monsters coming back

but also im angry on behalf of hylians and everyone else like

no matter how hard they fight every month it comes back, it's all in vain

the music here is super cool, also

omg i found a little camp of gorons!!

ooh, a hylian...and he'll give me fireproof armor for lizards OOOO:

hahahaha...they can't dig up ore because of a lizard monster

my heart twisted, fondly

geez i wish i had time to catch some lizards...........

i caught a few but not 10, and i only have one elixir left, since i used one early. i guess if it comes to it i could try to make another but

YES okay i did it!! good

and armor i now have!!

altho i hope i don't run out of armor inventory space that would SUCK what with all the work that goes into collecting and upgrading it tbh

LOL i hit an emu or ostrich or whatever it is and the meat it dropped immediately became roasted oh my god

HOLY FUCK THE MOUNTAIN IS ERUPTING

NOW THIS SHIT BRINGS BACK MEMORIES OH MY GOD

running for cover!!!! almost dying!!!!!!!!! good times im so happy

it's like getting to do it the very first time all over again

oh my god i just got a divine beast cutscene as i got to goron city i am quaking in my boots it is SO BIG

and now i'm out almost 3k rupees but i have full fireproof armor!

oh my god you can get a goron massage at the inn

"it doesn't hurt a bit" yeah i bet

[cue lots of screaming]

omg theres a gerudo lady sleeping here!! are you not on fire?!?!

SO IS PAINTER DUDE...?

omg they must have elixirs ldfjkgh

"abandoned mine - do not stray from path! both literally and figuratively" slkdfjgh what does that MEAN...

aw, they sleep on beds of hoat coals

man this shrine im doing is so complex!! like many multiple rooms, it's neat

i got like 9 orbs now i need to find somehwere to trade them in

omg so im lookin for the goron who went to get the stuff out of the vault and HE'S TALKING IT'S SO WEIRD it still always shocks me

how do i..? my bombs don;t work, so

OH OMG I CAN USE THE CANONS i thought maybe you had to wait for permission lol

poor goron he's scared and trembling...haha just like the ones in the fire temple. bye

HE TALKED IN HIS OPENING CUTSCENE...IM SO GLAD

yunobo! aww he's precious i love him

i suspect this is the area where i'll have to get inside the divine beast tbh bc of all the cannons

lol almost yped it with one n. shh

the embers here are so pretty...next time i paint hotland i'll remember them

i wanna paint THIS, tbh

like, anything. from this game. god Damn

ooooh a daruk statue

omg IM GETTING A MEMORY YES!!!!!!

I LOVE HIM

I LOVE DARUK

WHO PATS BACKS TOO HARD AND PUNCHES OUT ROCKS

oh my god he had the same kind of barrier that yunobo put up around himself are they related!!!! im gonna cry i love them so much

yep hahahaha the next words out of boss's mouth!

oooh he has the blessing, that's what the barrier is

yunobo's at eldin bridge...? that's MILES away

OH!!! omg my brother reminded me there are two in tp hahahaha so i guess i got them mixed up

so where is eldin's bridge actually......

too bad i cant swim up lavafalls lol

i found a minecart and put it on the track but bombs dont make it go and i can't magnesis it when its under my feet??

AHA, STASIS

okay that was super fun but i hate beating up my weapons like that

there's a shrine here but the glowing orange blends right in with this lava, i nearly missed it

AWWW yunobo's gonna be the canonball! bless him

omg is he gonna follow me!!!! I HAVE A FRIEND

IM GONNA CRY FINALLY IM NOT ALONE <3333

oh god okay here we go i guess??? im so scared

like. its so big.i cant impress upon anyone who hasnt played it. how big it is. and the mountain is so much bigger and i am so small. i keep saying that but i'm like. DWARFED by this thing, it's truly incredible

ohhhhh an escort mission.......and stealth, which im Bad at. man, the elephant was a lot cooler so far

AWW omg we snuck past the first one and he went "hee hee!" and it was so cute i love him so much

he stands at attention so quick when i do the stop whistle please please i love him

also i feel like i recognize SO many voices in this...i gotta imdb it later

the voice acting isn't even anything extraordinary, it's like, not awful but nothing jaw dropping

but the fact that they speak blows my mind every time

i used to fantasize about that in a "fff yeah right the day after never" kinda way and here we are.....

omg i got stuck and talked to him and it's like. what he said was completely useless but it's like having a companion!!! oh god i've been so lonely

oh god i looked up too far and saw the beast and it is. so big. i know i keep saying this but it is gargantuan. it's HUGE. i can't believe how big it is

lol i couldnt figure out why the trail ended and spent half an hour wondering what i was supposed to do

turns out i should have been firing at the divine beast this entire time so i gotta go back and start over and walk up the trail again LMAO

at least you only have to clear the sentries once

ah FINALLY im inside!

DARUK IS TALKING TO ME ;_;

HE ALWAYS KNEW LINK WOULD BE BACK im so sad. i feel human emotion

oooh it's all dark in here

and blue flame!!

ohhhhh man i love these 3D maps

OH MY GOD YOU CAN TURN IT

it's so big. oh my god

wait it isn't hot in here! i can use any item i want!

god i forgot how the music becomes creepier the closer you get

i can't believe this...turning the whole dungeon...some stone tower temple shit

ooh okay still hot OUTSIDE of the divine beast...too bad

noooo i found the cockpit pod thingy...like are their skeletons just decaying in there or

ooh boy oooookay last one here we GOOOO...

"PAIN IN THE CRAG" LOL NINTENDO PLS

omg daruk cheering me on as i fight ;______;

awww that wasnt too bad ive fought WAY worse enemies just roaming around on the map

oh ew GROSS

DARUK ;_;

me after daruk sent link away: aaaww i love him but that wasn't as gut-wrenching as mipha's

me after daruk saw yunobo from a distance and they waved at each other: literally actually crying, there are tears really on my face

WHY COULDN'T MIPHA SEE HER FAMILY FROM A DISTANCE, HUH

if it doesn't happen i swear to god i will draw it if i have to

oooh boss is talkin about the master sword

it's in a forest - that's gotta be the lost woods or i'll eat my pointy green hat

but i mean. if you just find it. there's gotta be some kinda quest or build up

wow, i'm finally at the tippy-top opf death mountain...i feel like i could go anywhere from here

omg i flew to a shrine and i have to complete a training thing to get in??? oh my god

oh no. i have to climb the thing. #why

aww that wasn't too bad. did it on the first try

i found the end of the map on "land" ... it's a deep gorge and you die if you go too far down, probably even if you're on foot

but there's land beyond that, even on the map, so it doesn't feel as freaky as just MEGA WIND on the ocean

why is there a hinox EVERYWHERE i try to go. why.

dude theres a giant skeleton of some sort on my map...omg

probs a hinox there too tbh

...wait a second.

i'm at a HOT SPRING

i recover hearts by swimming, so maybe i could fight this hinox...

AND i have daruk's protection, three whole charges, two fairies, my hearty radish food, and mipha's grace.........i can do it!!

wow okay and i just used up the grace and one fairy on this bokoblin camp so nevermind

tbh i don't even like fighting them...i suck at combat and the rewards are almost never worth the fight

okay but i literally could get anywhere from death mountain i think and i do mean LITERALLY that isn't hyperbole, assuming i had infinite stamina. damn. thats a Big Mountain

gonna go investigate the skeleton

there's monsters under it! i am standing above them on the ribcage and cheesing it with bombs

also it says eldin great skeleton was this a dragon.........

was this in the trailers or was it somewhere else?

standing inside the skull of this thing 

i realize just how BIG the dragons are

like. damn

everything in this game makes me feel like an ant

lol this is the First Ever shrine i'll have to come back to not bc i can't figure it out but bc i ran out of fucking arrows. incredible

the problem is i can't really explore here bc my fire armor hasnt been improved at all, my defense SUCKS

i just died bc i found a talus lol and it two-shotted me and like. i have a pretty good amt of hearts, here

also next time im exploring first i feel like i'll never know if ive seen everything or not bc i'm all lost and don't know what i looked at and what i didn't :/

i hate to like, leave it and say i'll come back to it bc i know i probably won't, but games are supposed to be fun! and attempting to explore this area with all my armor at 3 defense is like. not fun. dying over and over: Not Fun

i feel like seeing or doing something new!!

what i need is my own copy of the map on the computer so i can just mark off the areas i wanna explore later

oooh i found an interactive map!! which i can't. screencap and annotate for myself, but

oh well, it's too much trouble to find one, and ps would be really slow rn anyway since i havent used it in awhile

however this map DOES have memory locations, so i'm gonna grab a few of those

okay NOW i found a shrine idk how to do. tbh i can't be fucked rn, i wanna go get memories

holy fuck the first memory i unlocked had like a PILE of dead monsters link just fucked up, including a silver maned lynel, which my ass has NOT killed yet, holy shit

ONWARD

HOLY SHIT the one i just got was in the trailers!! zelda crying on link ;_;

i'm glad tbh bc i was lowkey like...well i know you get her out of the castle bc she cries on you later

but no!!!!

also he strains of zelda's lullaby, them being covered in mud, and link's master sword! MAN

i can't get to anymore atm so i guess i decide where i go next...

tbh i wanna do gerudo next like my brother which means going thru lake hylia!! so it will be a long time before more plot, i guess

ah! the blood moon! gonna warp to the stable and watch it with that guy

lol he's all beautiful moon tonight, eh, finally the blood moon

UM HE'S FREAKING ME OUT HE JUST STARTED RUNNING AROUND AND SAID HIS BLOOD WAS BOILING???

"IT'S SO GLORIOUSLY RED, ARISE MONSTERS" WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

and he acted totally normal after!

"oh you were researching the blood moon too?" WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU FREAK

yep goodbye im leaving

upgraded my armor as much as i could with the fairy, STILL can't afford anti-guardian tech, am actively dying without it, will attempt gerudo and/or lake hylia tomorrow

[thoughtsandeverythingelse]

i went to a 21st (3): ideals.

now here’s the idealistic scenario: you walk in and its a loft. music is playing in the background, everyone’s laughing, people are dancing. the lights are cool and dark, but not flashy. 

upstairs, you’d see air hockey and pool tables. i hear the tables of the air hockey go, i hear people cheering, i hear laughter. 

downstairs, there’s a projector with karaoke playing. people are singing their hearts out, laughing and having a great time. there’s also ping pong tables, where people are playing ping pong. there’s some space for people to move around and dance, socialise, eat and enjoy the beats. 

there’s great great food. street tacos, mexican food, party food, good desserts, and people having conversations. 

there’s a table with cake on it, even more great desserts. i hear conversation about God, about life, and there isn’t a hint of awkwardness. the table is also filled with gifts w the actual things i need. 

it’s surrounded with a room filled with people that i love, people that i do life with, people that struggled w me. 

now, reality speaking;

do i love everyone enough to make this happen? i can foresee myself feeling extra empty when everyone leaves, and im not sure why. financially, is this worth it? what’s the point of it? 

after being asked “so what do you want?” shamelessly, (ok to be fair i write all this for me to see la) i have narrowed it down to three categories. 

current tangible items, future tangible items, and the intangible items.  

current tangible items include: 

a good surprise party, a rly good speaker (sorta like the ones ryan has), a good pair of clippers (which i kinda alr got one myself), a year’s worth of IPL, a foldable cup, bbt straws, a smaller backpack (used for travelling, but smaller than the one i own bc its so huge), sunscreen for my face, a new laptop, a rly good mask from LUSH, changing up my room’s orientation, a pair of rly thick eyebrows and clean ass complexion HAHHAHAHHA 

future tangible items include:

a good boyfriend eventually husband (HAHA), both motor and car license, a house that can host people (!!), a car, lasik

now, the intangible and most wanted things include:

certainty to know what the future holds

where my ministry would be

everlasting joy in my marriage

financial stability 

now the thing is, the reason why i probably dont mention these things outloud is simply bc i’d rather get these things myself. or rather, these are kinda wants, and tbh it’s not rly a major nesscceity for me. is my life any lesser w these things? not rly. would it improve what i have now? (kinda.) 

but does it matter that i dont have them? nah, im good without them! 

so technically, i dont think it matters so much to what i should have. 

mother: sometimes in life, you need to be open to people blessing you. 

i guess perhaps growing up it always felt like to live w what we have, or God would provide the rest. growing up, it was always second hand me downs, conincidentally people giving it away and since no one wanted it, i took it. 

my life never felt any less for not having it (beside the basic nessceties), and perhaps now it feels extremely strange to have an entire wishlist with the expectation of people fufilling it. 

perhaps this is why i never understood why people put wishlists. it is so practical, but yet i feel so shameless. maybe perhaps i feel like ‘if you love me and seen my needs, you would know exactly what to get’ 

but yet, i am not transparent with what i want. maybe i dont even like i have the right to. i tell everyone i dont like the idea of having a 21st bc i dont like the idea of everyone coming around the table ‘glorifying me’, and if anything - i had to give God all the glory for my life. 

but i dont have any idea how to do that especially during a party setting, and maybe it’d feel easier having to do that in my regular daily life instead.  

there are many tangible things i can think about that i could have, but not get it for myself. perhaps some of it is pretty expensive and i cant seem bring myself to get it. 

it looks to me like the intangible things are so much more important to me, and something else i’d rly much rather have. but clearly, it’s not something that can be easily known. (not at least now haha) 

so now when my mother asks, ‘what exactly do you want?’

i think i have my answer. but i dont think i can ever bring myself out to say it. im not sure why either, and it does bother me a bit. but im okay with keeping it to myself. 

will i regret this? probably yes. 

but does it really matter? i dont think so.