#dealing with loss and grief and all that.

[wingsofhcpe]

pros of watching bly manor: beautifully written story, sapphic action, made me Feel Things

cons of watching bly manor: I am now filled with terrible anxiety and fear over losing those i love most (more of that fear/andiety than usual, anyway)

[suntails]

fallen

[possiblyawesometmblr]

there's one concept that i think about all the time that we briefly talked about but never did because it never made sense for fable to just up and say it: the concept that fable fucking hates ari.

and not because of who she is as a person or anything (but granted i think it's pretty clear he's not a fan of her in general) but rather that he hates what her existence means.

cause think about it. you're a major god who spent ages creating and building up mortals to be who they are now, and you want to keep them forever because you worked so hard on them, but you're not allowed. your brother takes them. and you're told that's just the way it is. tough shit.

but then. some minor god makes a baby? completely on accident??but oh, yeah, SHE gets to keep it forever. that's a given. your brother is totally cool with this.

let's be real: that'd probably make your blood boil a little bit

[m3lzalz-honeybee-noble]

TWOL 1x04

Thoughts continued…

I keep coming back to this moment. It broke me to my core. Anyone who has lost someone, knows the darkness, knows the death of the world you once knew, the loss of the person you once were. The more time passes, the more the memories of them disappear, and it all becomes a blur. They can be in your dreams one moment and gone the next. Time and circumstance steal and dissipate the connection you once had. It makes you feel like you’ve lost them over and over again.

You find yourself searching for them in other people, places, or things. You temporarily win the battle with your internal thoughts, feelings, and disconnection, by finding solace and peace in these lifelines. They help us to live, to survive another day, without them. It can absolutely destroy you if there is nothing left to hold on to❤️‍🩹.

When Michonne put Carl back in Ricks’s hands, she literally breathed new life into him. She gave him a connection, a lifeline for him to hold on to. I felt this! I know this!! It encapsulates grief/ loss so well. Beautifully written and acted! ♥️

[youareunbearable]

Actually here take this fun little idea.

Growing up, Elrond and Elros used to watch Maedhros grieve. They used to whisper to each other, for they were told that Elves who suffer and Feel too much may fade from their grief. Yet Maedhros has so much, he wraps himself up in his loss and his despair and guilt looms over him and makes his shadow even longer than his height. The twins whisper and murmur, coming up with wilder and wilder reasons for how an Elf so full of grief can go on.

Its Ages later when Elrond has the answer. Sometimes, when it seems you have lost everything, everyone, the only thing left to do is to continue on for them.

[dirtytransmasc]

grieving with family is so complicated, cause sometimes, no matter how much I love them, I just... can't with them.

each person in my family keeps trying to force their way of grieving, their way of coping onto the people around them.

people keep telling me how I'm supposed to feel, how I'm supposed to react, and that's one thing, I can handle it.

but my aunt (my uncle who passed's wife) keeps having people tell her how she's supposed to move on, and it's driving me bonkers. they keep telling her that finding out more answers about his death is not gonna fix things, that it's gonna not gonna ease her pain, that she just... shouldn't.

and like. yeah. there's a point to be had. but as someone who lost someone very close to me (my papa) very similarly, like, please, please, *please* stop telling her how she's supposed to fucking feel. like. oh my fucking God.

I swear.

it's been a few days, let us grieve how we're gonna grieve for just a minute. wanting answers isn't unhealthy. processing real or imagined guilts and coming to terms with it and clearing it isn't unhealthy. letting people grieve for a minute how they're naturally grieving is so important.

there does come a point where certain forms of grief become unhealthy, but trying to force someone to grieve differently DAYS after the death occurred, is like... such a dick move in my mind, especially when it's just the natural progression of thought and emotion and everything.

I don't know if I make any sense, especially cause I'm trying to leave as much detail out as possible, I just need to vent all this anger and frustration out before I snap.

[elitheaceofalltrades]

Here to Hear - Poem

I lay in the abyss,

Drowning

Weighed down by

The grief

The grief

The grief

I cry out.

I am calling your name,

You are no longer here to hear it.

[butterflybonnie]

My cat died. I didn't even cry. my eyes watered, but no tears fell.

Rip Duffy you were there before I was born, now I'm here after your dead.

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

am I really out here on this new depressive episode suddenly harbouring guilt over murder cases and my own grief at losing two people I knew in childhood 11 and a half years apart from each other. this is how it's manifesting. I literally can not control what happened when things were nowhere near me and when I was a literal child or not even born. does anybody get that weird kind of survivor's guilt about stuff like this. please tell me. I'm having mental illnesses over this.

[doodlebloo]

Do you guys ever think about how (as far as we know) c!Tubbo arguably made the right choice by deciding to never open up to c!Ranboo... Because c!Ranboo (when Enderwalking) retains all his memories and works alongside c!Dream anyway. So although c!Tubbo doesn't know it, his paranoia is actually keeping him safe, because the less info c!Ranboo knows the less he has the ability to tell c!Dream... Not that c!Ranboo necessarily would, but it sucks that like... c!Tubbo probably beats himself up for not wanting to share anything with his sweet and loyal husband, not even knowing that sharing the wrong stray detail about c!Tommy could have caused something disastrous. Like c!Tubbo was right to be a closed book and that shit hurts to think about!!!

[bahoreal]

possibly my least popular storytelling onion but bringing people back from the dead undermines the very real and powerful grief that drives a character journey and i hate it when that happens

[aimeegbbs]

when ed sheeran sang "life changes in a blink" and "i guess it's all part of life, but i can't help but feel alone" and "i'm trying to keep it all together" and "part of me was always in denial" and "every chapter has an end" and "everything changes, nothing's the same, except the truth is now you're gone" and "we are made to mourn" and "can't get a handle on my grief when every memory turns to tears" and "how our life goes on with you gone" and "delusion is here again and I think you'll come home soon" and "i just don't know if i can ever just let it go" and "every song reminds me you're gone and i feel the lump form in my throat" and ...

[evolnoomym]

This has nothing to do with the story I’m writing and is just me talking about a terrible situation that happened. I haven’t talked about it in a long time it’s probably all over the place. It’s about pet loss, grief and suicidal thoughts. Be warned if that’s not for you. 🦋

It’s been 607 days.

October 15th 2022, changed my life forever. A few days before your birthday, you died.

It’s crushing, to remember the day you came into my life, just six years before you’d leave it. At 2 months we got you and your sister, both of you so tiny, so sweet, two beautiful gentle souls. I picked your name….Karl and to even write it down hurts so much. The first few weeks you two spend in my bedroom and oh how much sleep you robbed me off by being active little babies….Back then I was annoyed but I would give anything to experience any of it again just to have one more moment with you. I remember the day you saw and felt snow for the first time in your live. I remember the move, how I had to tightly hold on to the box you were in because the driving gave me a panic attack and only you in that box gave me some sense of relief. I remember your voice and how different it sounded to anything I’ve heard before. You were so silly, so goofy, so sweet and so much more than just a pet my little star in the sky. All 4 of you together were the perfect group and now there is a piece missing.

It’s my fault. You died because of me and my selfishness. I couldn’t wait on more day and that cost you your life. If I would’ve listened to her we would’ve never left that day and none of this would’ve happened. It’s like I have your blood on my hands. Sometimes I thought it should’ve been me, I deserved it. I wanted to die and I wish i would’ve but instead you did. It’s like a stupid movie playing in my head. She saw you first, her scream is still echoing through my skull. Then I saw you. I froze just like back in my childhood when a terrible scene played out right in front of me. Just like back then I couldn’t do anything to help I could just watch. She tried to resuscitate you but to no avail. When she stopped that’s when I knew you were dead. That was it, you were gone forever. When I touched you it felt like always only you were getting colder and it was awful to feel no breathing, no sign of life. Now when I touch the others I always put my ear on their chests to hear the heartbeat to know they are alive. Our last goodbye was never said. You died alone, scared and in excruciating pain. You didn’t deserve that. I couldn’t stop crying. That day was one of the few times I hugged her, the pain of losing you made us put aside our indifferences if even just for a moment. We buried you the same day in the back of our garden, I gave you one final look, one final pat and that was it. I’ve been at your grave once since…it just hurts to much. After you passed i had moments in which thought I could hear you from another room or I saw you out the corner of my eyes but no,I was always reminded that you were gone I was just imagining things. You are just nostalgia and you won’t come back. My imagined you is all I have left.

You were the loudest of all and the silence in those following days almost killed me. I missed hearing you talk, missed you cuddling with me in bed, missed you being so dorky and I missed being greeted by you as soon as i opened the door. You left a giant hole in my heart. It was all to much and it felt like some unknown higher up wanted to fuck me over.

Before you died I went through a rough time but it seemed to look up and then you died. Maybe that’s my curse, whenever I feel like I’m going to be okay something makes everything fall apart. The version of me that I was when you were alive died that day with you. She got buried too and I was lost. It felt like my brain was bursting, so I tried to shove it all away I pretend to be fine and that worked but only for a couple weeks. December 2022 is when i suddenly got bad all over again my mind was caving in on me, resulting in me pushing everyone away. They were all a pending risk, I could lose them and that would hurt, it would be out of my control. So pushing everyone away was the only solution, if I have no one then there’s nothing to lose. For 5 months I didn’t speak to anyone. Only my Dad saw me he was the only one I let come close to me in those months. I had a lot time to think about what happened. I can’t look at the window without seeing you, the carpet you layed on was tainted with bad memories until it had to be thrown out. Saying your name became a taboo as it would rip open all wounds which are barely healing as is. In a way it’s almost like you never existed. And it hurts that I barely remember you alive, my memories are jumbled and all I remember is you dead. I look at pictures and videos rarely, every time I do is like a punch in the gut. I would give up everything to have you back alive and well in my arms. Sometimes I think I could’ve loved you more and I hate myself for not appreciating every moment more. Now I do, I started taking photos of everything, so many of your siblings and whenever the sky is painted with beautiful colors if like to think it’s you sending me a sign. I regret it so much that I don’t have a lot of photos with you in them. I see you in the clouds sometimes. When I’m out walking and there’s a butterfly I hope it’s you. I really try to believe that you are fine up there, that you forgave me for leaving but it’s so hard the “what if” is so haunting to know how much on simple decision changed all of our lives. Your sister Luna spends a lot time with me, I think she can feel how sad I still am so she tries to comfort me. When I look at Luna I see so much of you and she misses you so much. I think she calls for you wondering where you went.

Your death was my lowest point, I went through a lot in my life but your death was one too much, with that so much of my past that tried to push away came crashing down on me and it changed me. I will never be the same person again.

I will never forget you and not a day goes by where I don’t think of you my Baby Karl, you were here.

I don’t know if I will ever stop feeling guilty.

I’m sorry.

[raindropcascade]

the united states view of death/grief is stupid

someone i know is dying right now and im still expected to show up at work and not have emotions about it

like im sorry my feelings are inconvenient to the slavery capitalist system

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

I was thinking earlier about the fact that the character I’m currently obsessed with (Blanche — and the rest of the Golden Girls, but mostly Blanche) and the last character I was obsessed with before her (Pearl Steven Universe) seem to have nothing in common except feminine presentation, which was so strange to me.

Then I figured out they both fit into the “character who had a long, encompassing Great Love at some point in their life, was immensely hurt by the loss of said Great Love, and is slowly trying to put themselves back together and overcome their fear to love again” definition and. Oh. Not so strange after all.

[windydrawallday]

One of my other favorite things about shipping fictional characters and making stories with them is telling experiences that go beyond the usual perfect "these two meet and become OTP in the instant" and/or are planned to be OTP at the end of the road. I mean, I'm the crazy shipper that can pair even a bunch of characters that barely mention each other meeting off-camera in canon x'D

But I find fascinating these types of scenarios that are "less perfect" and full of bumps on the road: those of beings that find themselves in need of rebuilding again a bridge of feelings that was severed by death (and even separation, a little "dead" still alive but not with you anymore in their lives).

In contrast to the usual "encounters destined to end together" here experiences are already tainted with grief and a sense of resignation… but at the same time, questioning if it will be possible for these experiences to serve any other purpose after these events. "The Love after the Love" (a spanish song I had on repeat all this week) it's what I like to call it.

And I think it can become one of the most hopeful scenarios to play around with because it is very real and something that could happen even to OTPs "Happy Ever After"'s…

[TW/CW for mentioning a real person's death and grieving]

I need to put in parallel a personal family experience about this same theme: I always remember dearly one of my uncles from my mother's side of the family who had a partner, and they looked SO PERFECT together. Good, sweet, hardworking people. Never saw sadness in their faces, always sharing trips and plans together… I almost fell envious of their sons and daughters for having such perfect parents haha

Until my aunt died during bad electricity management in her laundromat shop. I never saw a man as sad and emotionally destroyed as my uncle. It was plain painful to see him, like a ghost haunting his own home. We tried to support him during that first year of grieving until we saw he was ready to go on his own.

Then, after another year, he confessed to us (I was always happy he confided in my side of the family) that he was seeing a new partner but that he wasn't sure if keep doing it. We asked why to him, and the answer, to this day I think, is one of those that I have carved deeply on my memory: because he felt he was unrespecting his past partner.

This memory feels a bit fuzzy for me right now (this was… idk 12 years ago now?!) but I can remember clearly my mother telling him that he needed to stop feeling guilty for something that was out of his control (the death of his partner) and to think in his own happiness too. That for sure aunt would have approved of him living on because she knew he is a very lovely man full of love who deserves to not let that love die with her memory.

That it will be harder to start over, that's a given. But if he felt the need to build that bridge again but in a different direction, why hold it back?

And that experience became one more brick in my life that cemented for me that love doesn't die… once. Or it can't be killed on that first try. You will build many bridges, burn half of them, seeing part of them fall from catastrophes out of your control. But I can assure you you will always find a way to build a bridge again.

Not just because of a partner, or a new partner, or a partner after that one. Because we all hold a love so great it's unfair to let death be the end of it.

Before death definitely arrives to snatch your heart, keep loving. For the sake of love. Love is worth the effort, the pain, and the lessons.

Because loving is living. And living is a daring thing to do, to spit against death and say "My heart still beats, still exists, still feels".

That's the reason why I like putting these scenarios in fiction to. Again, I'm a sucker for angst too, and seeing a pairing endure death and separation but this? Letting my beloveds find a way out of the past, accepting that they are still living and worthy of finding someone that loves them even when carrying these broken parts, to share their most dear experiences with them? That's my jam, so much!

And if that's not the most hopeful message you can leave to this world, I will buy a hat and eat it.

PS One more additional note: with this, I want to validate too that a "Love after Love" never EVER loses its value after the first time: love just gets STRONGER!