#idk I’ll figure it out I won’t bring a laptop just to haunt me

[why-the-heck-not]

19.12.23, tuesday

0.5h of coding lol

wasn’t having the best day so decided to finally watch the barbie-movie (it’s on hbo rn) bc figured that could cheer me up

but bc the universe loves a good timing, on the grocery store trip after, some dudes came to me like ”which one of us would u fuck?” and that annoyed me way more than it should’ve. Like cmon, it’s 10pm at a grocery store; if you’re not cottage cheese or olive oil get tf out of my face

just a short evening walk bc it was windy and I was annoyed

[percyinpanties]

Camboy!Leo, Valgrace smut?

… I think this ask is a year old. But I figured, I haven’t written anything explicit in so long, I might as well use a prompt like this.

is it any good? idk you tell me. it is however 3.5k and explicit.

________________________________________________________________

Standing in their kitchen, hand tight around a cup of tea, Jason truly wishes that Octavian had never told him the truth about Leo. Jason can’t remember if he’s ever noticed it before, the soft and downright sinful moans that barely pierce through the walls of their shared flat, but now that he knows, he can’t overhear or ignore them anymore.

He’s known for roughly a week now, and Jason wishes that he was being melodramatic when saying that it has been one of the most torturous weeks of his life. He thought that he’d squashed his attraction to Leo right at the first spark, but he has to admit that even before finding out, he was mostly lying to himself about having gotten over Leo.

Of course, Jason knows that realistically, he has no one but himself to blame. Octavian hasn’t actually told Jason anything - all he did was send Jason a link and gave Jason the choice whether or not he wanted to find out how his flatmate Leo made a living. It was cheeky, sure, but all Jason would have needed to do was tell Octavian off and delete the message. Instead, Jason’s own curiosity was what damned him, and in the end it only took two days before he gave in and opened the link on his laptop.

It had been devastating. The link had directed him straight to Leo’s profile on a distinctly pornographic website, and even on the first page that popped up, hardly anything was left to the viewers imagination - it showed just enough that it left you craving for more, and Jason had almost considered clicking on the already ongoing lifeshow before he flinched from his laptop as if it’d burned him. He doesn’t think that he could forgive himself for violating Leo’s privacy like this - or that Leo could for this matter.

“Get a fucking grip.” Jason mutters to himself and pushed off their kitchen counter. He needs to go sleep anyway, it’s well past midnight and he’s got work in the morning but…

“Please.” Leo whines from the other side of the wall and that is it, Jason can’t stand staying in the kitchen for even a second longer.

He curses quietly as he leaves, closing the door to his own room a little louder than he intended to, praying that Leo hasn’t heard.

Jason doesn’t sleep well that night, and when he does, his dreams are filled with bronze skin and slender limbs and Leo’s pleas for more. When he wakes up in the morning, he’s painfully hard but even the thought of getting himself off makes a pit grow in his stomach. 

He can already hear Leo clattering in the kitchen and that in itself makes him dread waking up even more. Jason isn’t sure he can look Leo in the face right now, not when his moans are still playing in Jason’s head on repeat. 

In the end though, he needs to get to work, which means he needs to get up and leave his room, which means he’ll have to get past Leo one way or another. He takes as much time as he can getting dressed, which isn’t that much time at all, and slightly more time to try and will his erection down, which doesn’t work as much as he’d hoped. 

By the time he opens his door and steps into their kitchen, Leo is sitting on the counter with a cup of coffee in hand and another for Jason next to him on the counter. Leo’s wearing a crop top and sweatpants, and his hair is still tousled from sleep and part of Jason wants to die right there.

“Morning, sunshine.” Leo quips and just pushes the coffee toward Jason when he gets no reply.

Jason leans against the counter next to Leo without looking up at him, sure he’ll say something stupid if he does, and takes the coffee. It takes him three long sips and a good minute of talking himself up in his head before he manages to shoot Leo a smile and a thanks.

“Didn’t sleep well?” Leo asks, innocently enough. If he knows that Jason knows, he certainly doesn’t let it on.

Jason simply shrugs, because what else can he do, really? It’s not like telling Leo that he’s been haunting Jason’s dreams is really an option.

“I didn’t … keep you up, did I?” Leo asks then, and if that isn’t bad enough, he reaches out and rests a hand on Jason’s arm. “I’m sorry if I was loud, I got a bit carried away and…” 

Leo blushes and bites his lip. An increasingly large part of Jason just wants to die right here, at least then he won’t have to face Leo any longer.

“Don’t worry, you’re fine.” Jason says and manages a poor excuse for a smile. “Just…dreams.” He says, and hopes Leo won’t question it too much.

Jason turns away and sets his now empty cup of coffee down. “Anyway, I gotta go. I’ll see you tonight.” 

Work is a drag, because Jason can’t seem to focus on anything but what Leo said to him this morning. He thinks Jason knows, that is really the only explanation as to why Leo would apologize for the noise, isn’t it? But Jason knowing and Jason wanting are still two entirely different things, and just because Leo is potentially fine with the former, doesn’t mean he’ll be as open about the latter.

Instead of staying late like he usually does, Jason leaves work an hour early. He’s got more than enough overtime piled up for no one to care, and it isn’t like he’s gotten anything done today anyway. Maybe he should talk to Leo, because at this rate things are only gonna get worse until Jason inevitably does something incredibly stupid - like open the damned link again or pounce his poor unexpecting flatmate.

He hasn’t been home this early in weeks, Jason realises when he unlocks their door and toes off his shoes. Maybe that is because usually, there isn’t all that much going on outside of work to give him a reason to leave early - although his little crisis shouldn’t be reason to slack off in the first place.

Leo clearly doesn’t expect Jason home yet either, because when he opens the door to their kitchen and drops his bag on the floor, he’s greeted with a high pitched yelp from Leo. Jason looks up to find himself faced with entirely too much skin on display - Leo’s wearing something Jason can only describe as lingerie, he’s flushed pink from his cheeks all the way down his chest and for the second that Jason allows his gaze to travel lower, he sees that Leo is hard in his pants.

“Jesus Christ.” Jason breathes more than he says the words and forces his eyes right back up to Leo’s face. Leo looks absolutely horrified, and Jason can’t blame him for it, but he also can’t bring himself to move, to leave, to give Leo some privacy or a chance to cover himself up.

“Why are you home?” Leo shrieks finally and Jason finally snaps out of his daze and raises his hands to cover his eyes, as if that’s gonna change that he’s seen…well…everything. “Christ, Jason, I - “ 

Leo doesn’t finish, and Jason doesn’t know what to say, so they just stand there for a few seconds in silence until Leo huffs and grabs Jason’s wrists to pull them away from Jason’s face. It forces Jason to look at Leo again, and if the image of the other boy hadn’t been burned into his mind already, it surely was now.

“I’m sorry.” He manages, and even to himself his voice sounds shaky. “Leo, you look…” Jason can’t finish his sentence, he doesn’t have the words to describe exactly what Leo’s get up is doing to him right now. It’s worse up close, when he can feel Leo’s body heat radiating and his own resolve slipping.

“If you don’t let me go right now,” Jason says quietly, a last-ditch attempt at saving them both from what might go down if Jason stays even a minute longer. “I’m going to do something incredibly stupid.”

It takes a moment for the words to click for Leo apparently, because where at first he just looks confused, his eyes suddenly widen. He doesn’t let Jason go though, instead his grip tightens minimally on Jason’s wrists.

“And if I want that?” Leo asks, and he almost sounds shy. 

Jason shakes his head, because surely Leo can’t mean that. Leo however, doesn’t let that deter him. He lets go of Jason’s wrists, but only to wrap his arms around Jason’s neck instead. He’s so close to Jason like this, it drives him crazy.

“I mean… I’ve imagined you walking in on me while I’m filming before…” Leo says now, his voice a little lower now, his tone becoming sultry. “If I’d known it’d actually work…”

Jason feels like he can’t breathe. Maybe he’s dreaming, fallen asleep on his desk at work after doing one too many hours overtime. There isn’t a scenario in which Leo has been wanting him the entire time as well, there can’t be.

Jason settles his hand on Leo’s hips, more skin than fabric under his palms, and pulls him closer. It feels too real to be a dream, but even so…

“Are you gonna kiss me?” Leo asks, and while his tone is still as flirty as before, Jason thinks there is a waver of uncertainty in there now as well. If this really is happening, Jason won’t be able to live with himself if he leaves Leo thinking that Jason doesn’t want him. 

Slowly, as if he’s afraid that Leo might change his mind if he moves too fast, Jason leans in. He brushes his lips against Leo’s so gently that it can hardly even be counted as a kiss, but even that small contact is enough to make Leo moan. Something in Jason snaps at that, his hands tighten on Leo’s waist and he pulls him impossibly closer, pressing their lips together properly now.

Something shifts in the mood with that, Leo’s kissing back eagerly, desperately almost, pulling Jason closer even though their flush already. He licks into Jason’s mouth, deepening the kiss feverishly and it’s messy and uncoordinated, but it feels so good that Jason cannot bring himself to care about their lack of finesse.

He breaks their kiss for only a second to wrap his arms around Leo’s thighs and lift him off the floor, turn them around and place Leo on the counter. It draws another moan out of Leo, as if the mere act of Jason handling him like this is enough to get him going even more. Leo’s legs are wrapped tight around Jason’s waist, but even if he could, Jason wouldn’t think about backing away right now. His hands are running over every inch of Leo’s skin that is exposed by his scathy clothing - now that he is allowed to touch, he certainly won’t stop until Leo tells him to.

He moves his lips from Leo’s mouth to his jaw, pressing open-mouthed wet kisses along the bone up to Leo’s ear. He nips at the skin there and Leo whines, presses closer against Jason, and this is so much better than whatever Jason’s mind’s been conjuring in his dreams. He trails the kisses down Leo’s neck, to the dip of his shoulder, sucks at the skin there until it’s red and puffy and, with any luck, marked in the morning.

“Jason…” Leo whines, louder this time, and shifts so his erection is pressed up right against Jason’s own. He’s still in his good dress pants that are starting to feel far too tight for comfort. “Fuck… don’t be a tease. Please, Jason.” 

Jason can only groan in response, he doesn’t think he’d be able to form words even if he tried. He wants Leo, wants him so much that he doesn’t even know where to start, what to do with himself and what to do with Leo right in his arms, at his mercy. What Jason does know is that he wants Leo to feel good, that he wants more of the needy, breathless moans spilling over Leo’s lips right now. 

Jason runs his hand down Leo’s chest between them, pushes Leo back just enough that he can fit his hand over Leo’s cock through the fabric. Leo’s eyes flutter shut with a moan, his head drops back against the cabinets and he’s pushing back against Jason’s touch. The noise alone goes straight to Jason’s own arousal. He’s moving slowly, just enough pressure for Leo to feel, to push the fabric against Leo’s arousal and work him up even more. He wants to see Leo fall apart, wants that lovely flush to spread all over Leo’s skin and kiss every inch that it covers. 

“Fuck, Leo…” Jason whispers. “You’re beautiful. No wonder so many people love to watch you.” 

He’s not sure where the thought comes from, but the words make Leo shiver and rock back against Jason’s hand. Apparently, Leo likes being watched just as much as others enjoy watching him. Jason grins, pushing harder now. The fabric of Leo’s panties is tight and lacy, damp where the tip of Leo’s cock is trapped just below the waistband. Jason thumbs over that spot, circles the head of Leo’s arousal through the fabric and delights in the way it makes Leo whine again.

“I bet they’d love to see you now.” He continues, watching Leo closely to confirm that this train of thought is doing as much for Leo as Jason thinks it will. He’s rewarded by Leo’s cheeks turning pink all over again, by Leo’s eyes opening slowly to meet Jason’s gaze. The look is intense, needy and good lord - it is no surprise to Jason that people are so willing to pay to see this side of Leo on their screens at night. 

Jason can’t help himself, he leans in to kiss Leo again. Leo moans appreciatively against Jason’s lips, runs his hands over Jason’s still clothed shoulders. Jason’s in his work clothes still, while Leo is hardly dressed at all - but Leo seems to enjoy this imbalance quite a lot. His fingers are running down the front of Jason’s shirt now, over the buttons and seams without making any attempt to get Jason out of his clothes as well. It makes goosebumps rise on Jason’s skin wherever Leo’s touch has trailed - even through the fabric.

“What do you want?” Jason whispers when they break apart, resting his forehead against Leo’s without opening his eyes. As much as he’s enjoying this slow tease, seeing Leo come apart under his touch little by little, Jason wants more, craves more. 

“So many things.” Leo whispers back and Jason can hear the smile in his words. Their lips brush again, tentatively now, and Jason leans back to look at Leo. He’s a mess already, kiss-swollen lips, pink cheeks, mussed hair and pupils wide as saucers - Jason can hardly believe it’s all for him, and him alone, at least right now.

This time, their kisses are slower, not tentative but gentler in all but the missing hesitation. Leo’s hands wind into Jason’s hair, his legs pulling their bodies flush together again. He’s humming and moaning, but rather than desperate the sounds are pleased now. Jason wraps his own hands back around Leo’s waist, and he might complain about Jason being a tease all he wants but right now, all he wants is to get lost in their kisses, this sweet back and forth that feels like they’ve always done this, like they’re just two lovers finding their way back to each other. 

It stays like this for endless minutes, until Leo breaks the kiss and whispers “Take me to bed, Jason.” 

He doesn’t have to be told twice. It’s easy to pick Leo up like this, although less easy when Leo keeps pressing distracting little kisses all along Jason’s exposed neck. He pushes the door to his room open with his back, thankful that he cleaned only a few days ago, and gently drops Leo onto the mattress. The sight of Leo on his bed, scantily clad and already wrecked from kissing, makes Jason grow hot under his collar. He follows without hesitation, pushing Leo into the soft covers as their lips connect again. It’s so much easier to move together now, to roll his hips against Leo’s and chase what little friction the movement offers. 

Leo moans in his mouth, the sound lost between their kisses, and Jason sends a quiet prayer of thanks to whichever gods might be listening that he can have this, if only for right now.

When Jason pulls away from Leo this time, it is to continue his kisses lower. He’s been wanting to get his mouth on Leo’s skin the second he’s walked into the kitchen earlier, and now that it is actually an option, Jason sees no reason to hold back. He traces Leo’s collarbones, runs a line down his chest and scrapes his teeth over Leo’s nipples, only barely covered by sheer lace. He holds Leo’s trembling thighs as he moves lower, plants wet kisses along the planes of Leo’s stomach and playfully bites at one of Leo’s hip bones. There’s no protest from Leo this time, no calling Jason a tease or begging for more. Leo just writhes under Jason’s touch, breathing shaky and moaning quietly, leaning into whatever Jason has to give.

By the time that Jason’s settled himself between Leo’s legs, leaving open-mouthed kisses high on Leo’s inner thighs where he seems to be especially sensitive, Leo is cursing and trembling, repeating Jason’s name like a plea for more. As much as Jason’s enjoying this, loving the way Leo loses himself in it, he didn’t take Leo to his bed to tease him. It takes some fumbling - Jason doesn’t quite get the contraption of lingerie Leo’s wearing - but Leo breathes a sigh of relief the second Jason manages to get the last bit of clothing off of his skin.

“Leo…” Jason says quietly, finding himself at a loss for words. Leo looks beautiful like this, completely bared before him. Jason runs a hand up Leo’s thigh, then bends low to press a quick kiss to Leo’s lips. “Is… is this alright?” He asks, needing to make sure before he forgets himself in the heat of the moment.

“Fuck yeah.” Leo half laughs. “I’ve been thinking about your hands on my skin for months, Jason, I’m not about to change my mind now that they’re actually there.”

The confession surprises Jason, although after Leo’s earlier comments, maybe it shouldn’t. If Leo is sure he wants this, Jason is the last person who’ll refuse to give it to him.

“Good.” Jason whispers, and steals a last kiss before he moves lower again. “I wanna make you feel so good, Leo.” 

Jason starts slow, mostly because he knows how pent up Leo must be after all the teasing before. He kisses the base of Leo’s cock, slow and languid, licks his own palm to run a few gentle slow strokes over its length. He follows it with his tongue, hears Leo suck in a harsh breath, and laps over the head of Leo’s cock. It’s only when he hears Leo’s quiet pleas for more that he wraps his lips around the tip, relaxes his throat and sinks down. A string of curses follow from Leo’s lips, but Jason pays them little mind - he’s focused on making Leo feel good, on slowly taking him apart and putting him back together.

He bops his head, sucks at the tip, strokes what he doesn’t reach with a spit-slick hand. He doesn’t rush it, and he doesn’t need to - Leo’s worked up enough that it doesn’t last either way. Leo threads his hands into Jason’s hair, not urging him faster but simply holding on. His legs have wrapped back around Jason’s shoulders, anything to angle himself closer, to chase the feeling of Jason’s lips around him.

“Oh fuck, Jason…” Leo moans and tugs at Jason’s hair the same moment that he bucks his hips. He’s breathless, his voice needy. “Don’t you dare stop.” 

Jason only hums around Leo’s arousal, takes him deeper, ever so slightly increases his pace, the pressure of his tongue against the underside of Leo’s cock. More curses follow, then pleas, a warning that Jason almost doesn’t hear in between Leo’s needy moans. 

When Leo cums in his mouth, Jason swallows it down without much thought, licking over the tip a last time before pleasure turns to oversensitivity. 

“Holy shit.” Leo whispers and Jason presses a kiss to Leo’s hipbone, untangles Leo’s legs from his shoulders and gently pushes him further to the middle of the bed to settle down next to him, and press another kiss to Leo’s shoulder.

“I enjoyed this.” Jason mumbles sheepishly. It only hits him now that he’s still fully dressed, and in his work clothes of all things, while Leo is lying next to him, completely naked - maybe he got a little carried away.

Leo laughs, turns onto his side to face Jason. “I certainly did.” He says with a grin, trailing fingers down the front of Jason’s shirt. “And as much as I enjoy you in your fancy work clothes, I’m going to need you to take them off. Now.” 

[canaryatlaw]

Okay damn it's late but it's alright cuz I can sleep in tomorrow and I took another accidental dozed off in the middle of my books naps tonight, lol. It was around 5:30 when I was like I'm just gonna rest my eyes for a few minutes, and the next thing I knew it was 9 pm, lol. Whoops. I was all around lazy today and waking and such, idk what that's necessarily about, but I was apparently unwilling to get out of bed in the morning so I convinced myself I could skip the service and just go with the babies, then sleep extra and just uber to church, so I did that and points for being lazy, lol. The nursery was pretty light, my other person did show up but then got recruited to go to the preschoolers room because they had like, 20 2-3 year olds running around and we had like, one baby at this point lol and they knew I could handle a bit more chaos than that on my own. We ended up getting 3 with another girl willing to stay with me which I appreciated of course, though I probably could've gotten through it on my own, it was very smooth, not a tear dropped by anyone the whole time, which is quite impressive I assure you. The girl who was a bit older kept going back to the gate and trying to climb it for a while (they do that a lot, we call it them trying to break out) but every time I managed to get her to come back and play. Then there was that sweet little boy we had last week that's just such a cute little chunker and he'll just sit and be perfectly happy with a toy for an entire hour, haha he was so sweet and of course no trouble. The last one was the little 6 month old girl who's the daughter of one of the ladies on the team, I've talked about her before because she is soooooo cute. She has gotten fussy in the past and we'd had to text her mom a few times, but I knew her mom had fed her right before the service so I didn't anticipate any problems and we didn't have any. I wish I could show you her cute little smile, it's just the most adorable thing. So we played with all of them, nothing too crazy. At one point I had the little girl on my lap and the older girl decided she also wanted to be on my lap haha so I had to do some shifting to make sure nobody was gonna get sat on, but other than that we managed just fine, so I'm calling that a win (really any nursery day with not a single tear shed is a major win, because that's damn near impossible really). Talked to a few people on my way out, and passed the family of the cute little girl who used to always be in the nursery with me but has now moved on to the twos, and while I was like, still a bit down the hallway she sees me and is immediately like "hi!! Hi!!!!" and waving at me and she's just the cutest little thing. At some point we're gonna end up restructuring how we split the kids up, instead of just by age we're gonna do it by mobility, so we'd have the younger babes who can't crawl or anything in one area, and then the crawlers in another and the walkers in another, hopefully all somewhat interconnected, I don't know all the details but hopefully it means I'll get to see some more of her. The way we have it now is generally fine, and the older kids are usually very gentle with the little ones, but kids still learning to walk trip and stumble and we wouldn't want them doing that onto another baby if we could help it, lol. So after that I headed home, and when I got off the train I saw I had some time before the next bus was gonna come, so I decided to take the donut shop up on their offer for half a dozen free donuts, so I got in there and asked for the manager like I'd been told, and I talked with him for a few minutes because he just really wanted to understand the situation, like he had the video footage of it but that can only explain so much. So of course I said I didn't want to get anyone in trouble and I knew it wasn't malicious or any ill-intent on their part, and I knew they had policies they had to follow, but I thought it was an oversight that could've been dealt with better and wanted to make them aware of it so hopefully next time it's handled better. So of course he thanked me for saying something and bringing it to their attention, and that they have to deal with different individuals causing trouble in the store sometimes but they would never want to actively put someone in danger so he appreciates me telling him about the situation. For the donuts, I told him he could just give me an assortment of his favorites (sans nuts of course) and so he did and I headed over to the bus stop and hopped on the bus home. It was around 3:30 at this point so I wanted to get to work, so I pulled out my stuff and kept working on my paper, trying to work on the stuff that I'd actually need for my presentation. The actual paper is up to 16 pages now and has a good amount of the substance written, it's just a matter now of coming up with things like a budget, and a strategic plan going forward and board of directors, and all that other boring shit lol but hopefully I won't need that for the presentation. I did write something up about fundraising efforts, so hopefully that will suffice for talking about the money side of things (I'm not particularly worried there, I have plenty of info to talk about so I'm not gonna run out of things to say). Apparently after two hours I passed out with my laptop still on lap (like it actually was) and woke up at 9, lol, so I called it a night for working on the project since I had everything I think I needed, and I'd just use it to create an outline since he doesn't want us reading from a paper, I figure if I have short cues about an issue I can talk about it plenty without the assistance of my paper since this is all stuff I'm super passionate about (that's the hope anyway, I'll still probably have my paper up there with me, but hopefully I won't have to use it much). While I did this and other computer stuff, I turned 13 Reasons Why on and watched episodes 6-10, and I gotta say, damn, this show is so heavy. Like, obviously I knew that going in. But the grief is just so heart wrenching to watch, especially from her parents. And I think that hits me so hard because looking back on my own teenage years I can see now what my killing myself would've done to my family, and it just would've utterly destroyed them. I have this image in my head of my mom finding my unresponsive body, hanging from the ceiling fan in my room (and I have no idea where that came from because that was never something I ever considered) and her just screaming and screaming over and over and it just haunts me to know that I could've done that to my family because I simply couldn't see past all of the despair and hopelessness that had completely taken over my life. And I can just think how happy I am that I held on. That I didn't do that to my family. That I never put them through that. I would never want to hurt my parents like that, or even my brothers- I still harbored a lot of anger towards them at that point because I felt they had ruined my childhood and were the major reason I was dealing with all of this now, I wouldn't want this to be something that haunted their entire lives when they were admittedly still kids too. I don't even want to start talking about my sister because we'll be here all night and I don't really feel like crying any more (I've shed a few tears writing this so far) and I already detailed my feelings there in my post from the other night if you are really curious. I just....for all the criticism the show is getting from the mental health community, and much of it is very valid criticism, I think they're doing a very good job of showing the effects of suicide on those they left behind. The whole blame game approach isn't really a healthy one, but I think it could definitely have an effect on a kid who's having issues, for them to see just how much her death affected everyone she left behind. As far as the actual plot, I'm very glad Clay actually leveled with his mom about his friendship with Hannah and just how much it was affecting him. I don't think we'd get this scene, but I would SO love to see Clay's mom storm into her big power fancy law firm and tell them they can take their case and shove it because she refuses to be a part of something like that. Like I don't think they'd show that but I really wish they would. It's strange though, because the lawsuit subplot wasn't in the books, and honestly for me it changes everything I want to happen at the end of this- like I find myself actively wanting the tapes to be exposed and used at the trial, and just absolutely rip the school to shreds for all the ways they failed this poor girl. I know that would have personal repercussions likely for the other people on the tapes, but that would really feel like justice for me. Now, I kinda doubt that's gonna happen because it would be a major deviation from the book and the book's general premise, but I would like to say it. Okay, I think that's most of what I had to say about it. Watched the sexual assault scene like that was horrific and could definitely be triggering for survivors, but I am glad they included it to show just how awful what they were talking about really was. Okay, I think that's really it. And that ends my day, and I could get to bed being that it's now almost 2:30 am. Goodnight my babes. Stay sweet.