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honey-dewey · 3 years

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Haunted House Horrors

Pairing: Marcus Moreno/GN! Reader

Word Count: 2,654

Warnings: Haunted house shenanagins, mentions of panic attacks, fake gore.

Permanent Taglist: @phoenixhalliwell @star-wars-hell

I’m sorry this is late! I was so busy yesterday that I completely forgot to post this. (And then the tags broke??? Idk what’s happening)

The prompt for this week’s Writer Wednesday was given, as always, by the lovely @autumnleaves1991-blog, and the masterlists are created by @clydesducktape.

You sighed, crossing your legs and peering at yourself in the mirror. Tonight was opening night for the haunted house that would last all the way through October. The director had found a recently abandoned hotel and decided that it would make a perfect set for your production. Now, you were nestled at your desk on the top floor, the one that was off limits for patrons, finishing up your makeup. It had taken you hours, but was so worth it.

“On in fifteen!” A voice shouted, and you looked over. Emily, your room partner, was smiling at you from the doorway. “You know if you leave that window open, you’ll get bugs in your blood, right?”

You shrugged, shifting the curtains and moving the gallon jug of fake blood from the windowsill. “How do I look?”

Emily smiled, an action that was made terrifying by the blood painting her cheeks and smeared all over her chest, surrounding the deep scratches writing out gibberish in some kind of runes she’d applied. “Perfect.”

“Good.” You turned, getting one last look at yourself in the mirror. You looked hollow, cheeks sunken and eyes sallow due to the makeup on your face. One of your eyes was pure white, thin black veins streaking outward, marring your slightly dead face. Your costume was worse, all bloody and gross. But the sticky fake blood didn’t bother you as you twirled a trick hunting knife across your hands and expertly sheathed it. Your role in this production was simple. A lost huntsman put under a witch’s curse, gathering young maidens from the outside world and sacrificing them in the name of the witch.

You followed Emily to a set of stairs, making sure to shut your open window, and descended quickly. The haunted house took place on the first and second floor, and you were stationed on the second.

The room you were in was simple. Two twin beds with no sheets, an upturned dresser opposite the beds, a bedside table between the beds with a tilted lamp on its surface, the door to a bathroom left slightly ajar and spilling light across the floor, and what was once a box TV now laying shattered and smashed in a corner. The curtains were ripped and bloody, the wallpaper stained with crimson handprints. You smiled, opening the bathroom door and dragging your materials out of the bathtub. Emily followed, scooping up the sheets and beginning to lay them across the bed, haphazard in her placement. As she worked, you began to position tarps across the floor, protecting the old hardwoods. Under the bed lay a few tubs of fake blood, one hooked up to a small hose system, and a huge funnel, along with a small collection of false limbs, already bloodied and ready for use.

“Are we good?” Emily asked, looking around as she finished tossing pillows across the beds.

You nodded. “All good,” you confirmed as you spread the final two tarps across the beds.

It took some waiting and some more small preparations, but finally, the walkie talkie you’d hidden in the bedside table drawer clicked to life.

“Group one has entered the building,” Clark said from the lobby. He was the usher, counting people and sending groups through the haunted house at fifteen minute intervals. The next time that would chime was when the group entered the elevator, signaling the next group to begin their walk.

“Ready?” Emily asked you, eagerness lighting her eyes. This was her first haunted house, and you could practically feel the excitement rolling off her.

“Em,” you said. “We have fifteen minutes. Chill.”

Of course, in those fifteen minutes, you and her lounged on the rumpled bed sheets and tarps and watched Clone Wars on your phone. The crackle of the walkie talkie scared you when it beeped to life, and you immediately turned your phone off, pointing to the bed. Emily lay down, allowing you to loosely tie ropes to her wrists and one ankle, halfway securing her to the bed.

“Group one had entered the elevator,” Alex said, and Clark responded.

“Good. Group two has entered the building.”

You heard the elevator ding. Time to put on a show.

“This room has a window!” You heard a guide say as you went to stand by the bed, winking at Emily before she shut her eyes. “Come on!”

The door to the room pushed open, and you bent down, grumbling to yourself in Latin as you tied up Emily’s last leg. A few people filtered in, standing in the door as the guide’s flashlight flickered out. You looked up, curving your lips into a wicked grin. “Visitors,” you purred, flicking your hand and watching the door slam shut behind the small group of people. “Her Highness will be pleased.”

Emily’s eyes opened, a groan bubbling off her lips before her breathing picked up and she began to thrash.

You rolled your eyes, picking up one of the knives on the bedside table, a real one, and sinking it into the bed beside Emily’s face. “Hush up!” You snapped roughly, causing Emily to whimper. “Her Highness needs blood. Virgin blood. And what better than the blood of a child?” You grabbed another knife, smaller and duller, and began to carve into a small section of Emily’s arm. Fake blood began to seep out, and Emily cried.

Emily threw her body around hard, the half-tied ropes falling away as she swung up, stumbling to the tarp covered section between the two beds. You grinned, walking towards her, your boots loudly stomping on the floor. “Look at you missy,” you said. “Nowhere to run now.”

As you bent over Emily, on your knees, she shifted so she could grab the blood hose and drag the fake limb pile out with it. You sat up, showing your full upper body to the audience before you swung down with the trick knife, pretending to swing it into Emily’s arm. She screamed bloody murder as she triggered the hose, sending a spray of blood everywhere, including the fake arm you tossed up onto the tarp on the second bed. “Keep screaming missy!” You yelled, feigning removing Emily’s leg. “It only makes her Highness stronger!”

You heard the groups of people leave the room, hurried footsteps receding down the hall. You sat back, helping Emily sit up as well. She was a mess, all splattered in blood and gore, but she wore the biggest smile.

“Go clean up as best you can,” you advised. “Reapply your scratch bag. I’ll clean the room.”

As Emily headed off into the bathroom to clean her face and clothes, you began to clean the floor. Thanks to the tarp, you were able to unscrew the lid off the blood jug and position the funnel at the top. With some shifting, you poured as much blood as possible back into the jug for future use. The rest was cleaned using wet wipes and paper towels you tossed into a garbage bag and hid behind the dresser. Same went for the bed, and then you joined Emily in the bathroom.

“Drink water,” you said, coming up behind Emily. “It’s important.”

Emily gave you a thumbs up, passing you the makeup remover and the q-tips. The best materials for removing splotches of fake blood.

By the time group two had entered the elevator, you were ready to do it all over again.

And again, and again, and again.

Finally, at ten, the final group exited your room. You breathed out, blinking slightly. God you were exhausted.

“Let’s get cleaned up here,” you said softly to Emily. “Then we can go upstairs and scrub ourselves raw.”

Emily chuckled, sitting up and passing you the fake limbs. Everything would be packed and cleaned in fifteen minutes, and by then, the last group would be gone and you could freely roam the halls out of character.

“You take the clothes down to the washroom,” you said as you and Emily finally exited the room. “I’ll take this,” you hefted the box of unused materials, “back up to the storage room.”

Emily nodded, splitting off and headed down the hall towards the elevator. You went to the stairs, sighing and beginning your trudge up them.

Halfway up, you nearly collided with someone who was running past you.

“Watch it!” You snapped, wobbling on the stairs and trying not to topple down them.

The man who’d bumped you didn’t respond, only ran past and hit the wall, breathing heavy in and out.

You put down your box. “Hey, sir?”

“No!” The man yelled back, and your hand went to your phone immediately.

“Sir, should I call emergency services?” You asked firmly, and the man turned, giving you a shock. That was Marcus Moreno, one of the Heroics. What was he doing having a breakdown in the hotel?

“Lost,” he said weakly. “She’s lost.”

You nodded, crouching down to Marcus’s level. “Who?” You asked. “Your daughter?”

Marcus nodded.

“Missy, right?” You asked, already formulating a mass text.

Another nod.

“Okay,” you said. “I’ve sent out a text. We’ll go wait in my room and see if anyone can find her. You need to sit down and relax.”

Marcus barely resisted as you helped him up, leaving your box on the landing. You held his hand tight as you guided him up the steps and down the hall, the patterned carpet beneath your feet muffling your footsteps.

“Go ahead and sit,” you said, pushing open the door to your room. Marcus shuffled in, falling onto the couch and peering up at you as you took a seat at the desk, pulling out a pack of makeup wipes. “How’d you lose Missy?”

“We were in the last group to go through. She got scared right near the end,” Marcus said softly, watching you rub the makeup off, revealing the perfectly healthy person underneath. “Really scared. Bolted down the hall during the last room. I couldn’t catch her.”

You made a sympathetic face, digging around in your eye for the pure white contact lens. When you finally fished it out, you sighed in relief, blinking a few times before turning to Marcus. “We’ll find her,” you promised. “She’s definitely still in the hotel. We have people at all the exits. If they saw her leave, they’d have reported it.” As you spoke, you shed your filthy costume, rubbing your arms with a wipe before slipping on a pair of worn out sweatpants and an equally old shirt.

Marcus nodded. “This thing was scarier than we anticipated,” he admitted. “She begged me to come. I should’ve known.”

“Yeah, well,” you said. “Hindsight.”

“Yeah,” Marcus agreed. “It was really good though. Very well done.”

You smiled. “Ah, thank you,” you said. “We do try.”

At that moment, the door opened, and Missy came running in, right into Marcus’s arms. Emily was behind her, carrying the empty laundry basket.

“I found her hiding in the washroom,” Emily said. “Gave the poor thing a fright when I walked in.”

Missy curled up in Marcus’s embrace, eyeing Emily warily as she sat at her desk, going through the motions of removing her makeup. Emily hummed as she worked, peeling away layers of intricate liquid latex off her chest, discarding them into a plastic bag.

“I can breathe again!” She said happily, grabbing the package of baby wipes from you.

You rolled your eyes as you began to load up yours and Emily’s dirty costumes. “Em, it’s not that bad,” you said. “I’m going to take these downstairs and escort our guests to the parking lot. Can you lock the room when you’re done?”

Emily gave you a thumbs up as she slowly peeled the small plastic bag covered in latex off her arm. The split bag that was once full of blood followed the rest of her trash, and you noticed Missy watching Emily very closely.

“C’mon,” you said to Marcus and Missy. “I’ll take y’all out.”

Marcus stood, nudging Missy along. You propped the small laundry basket on your hip, making sure it wasn’t leaking as you began your trudge down the halls for the last time that night.

“Do you guys do a haunted house every year?” Marcus asked curiously as you held the door open at the top of the stairwell.

“Oh yeah,” you said, following them down the stairs. “Every year. We start planning in May. It’s always super fun, not gonna lie. Last year we did an Edgar Allen Poe themed haunted house. Took so much work to put the sets together, but it was so worth it.”

Missy looked up at you. “You still have blood on your face,” she said matter-of-factly.

You grinned, wiping at your face with the back of your hand. Sure enough, a smear of blood had escaped your cleaning. “Eh, it’s fine,” you said. “I’m going home and showering after this.”

Missy nodded. “Do you let kids join the haunted houses?”

“Missy,” Marcus said warningly, but you shook your head.

“It’s okay,” you promised. “We do, actually. Sometimes we have roles only kids can play.”

Almost immediately, Missy looked hopefully up at Marcus. “Please Dad!” She begged. “Please!”

You laughed. “Missy,” you said. “You have months to con your father into saying yes. But if he does, we’ll gladly take you on.”

The rest of your trip, Missy happily skipped around the hotel, her previous fear completely gone, replaced by pure joy. You walked beside Marcus, absently telling him about how the productions were put on.

“Next year, around April, we’ll start brainstorming ideas,” you said as you dumped your dirty clothes into a washing machine in the washroom. The washing machine had your room number on it, just so no one's clothes got mixed up. “Then we vote on an idea and begin to draft up blueprints and scripts. After that, it’s full steam ahead until October.”

Marcus sighed. “I’ll think about it,” he finally decided, and Missy lit up behind him. “But that isn’t a yes!” He added, but Missy was already celebrating, happily hugging her father.

You smiled, leading them out of the room and towards the parking lot. “I’ll give you my number,” you said, pulling a pen from your pocket. “You can text or call me if you have any questions.”

Marcus watched you scrawl your number onto his hand, the inky figures blurring ever so slightly as you wrote them out. “I’m sure I’ll be in touch.”

“I’ll see you around!” You said, waving as Missy and Marcus got into their car and drove off.

“Oh honey,” Emily said from behind you, startling you. “You’ve got it so bad for that man.”

You rolled your eyes, digging your keys out of your pocket. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Emily grinned a mildly shit-eating grin. “You know exactly what I’m talking about!” She said happily. “You are in love with Marcus Moreno.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not!”

Emily stopped, putting her hands on her hips. “Let’s make a deal,” she said. “If, in one year, you haven’t had at least one date with the man, I’ll order dinner for a week during the show. If you have, then I get to say I told you so.”

You sighed, stretching your hand out. “Whatever.”

Emily shook your hand, her smile only getting more feral. “It’s a deal.”

Of course, one year later, on October first, you stepped out of Marcus’s car, Missy following you.

“See you later dad!” Missy said happily, waving.

Marcus waved back. “I’ll be in the first group through!” He promised.

You put an arm around Missy, leading her up to the warehouse where you’d be putting on this year’s haunted house.

As you walked up to the building, a second story window opened and Emily leaned out, smiling widely with her makeup half-done.

“I told you so!”

#we can be heroes #marcus moreno #marcus moreno x reader #Marcus Moreno x you #Pedro Pascal #My writing #writer wednesday

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kaishun · 4 years

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Fanexus - Upcoming Fandom-focused Platform

Hey y’all, Kaishun here, who hasn’t spoken in 85 years but still vaguely lurks around in the corners of your peripherals. As you guys probably know, with the tumblr ban on NSFW (both for things that actually were NSFW and vaguely fleshy colored), a lot of big folks in the fandom left for twitter. Well, twitter sucks, as it’s impossible to finding anything. Nobody tags stuff, because there’s not enough space to do so, and harassment’s pretty bad (both due to lack of tagging and due to tagging).

Fanexus is a platform wanting to change that! It’s kinda’ve the love child between tumblr and livejournal, and with the beta coming up soon, they’re trying to drum up some hype. I’m hype, so, I’m gonna go over some of my fav official features so far:

Proship / Anti-Harassment / Anti-Censorship

Useful Tagging System ( #Saix = #Saïx )

3 Accounts in 1 (1 login for 3 different blogs)

Details on^ below the cut. Here’s a pretty picture from their blog @fanexus-dot-net to show its progress:

Proship, Harassment, and Censorship (Don’t Like/Don’t Read)

A lot of platforms and people are aggressively censoring fictional content they don’t like. Whether that be two characters lewding in general, those character being in an abusive relationships, noncon, age gaps, underaged, incest, etc.-- a lot of people get harassed for drawing that kind of stuff. But, y’know-- it’s fictional. No different from the whole “video games cause violence” scare from moms in the 90s. But the harassment from people has gotten really bad, especially on twitter.

Fanexus allows whatever you want to draw/write/etc., as long as it is of fictional characters--with a great tagging system to support it. If you don’t like something... you block the tag! Bam, that simple. You shouldn’t see anymore.

For those of you who went to Pillowfort, and were displeased with the sudden rule change & bans regarding some content, Fanexus should have no such issue. They’re hosting in Denmark, where the country’s sex specialists determined that underaged content of fictional characters did not have a negative impact on actual children.

Useful Tagging System

idk about you, but I hate looking under the 10 different names for the same ship. Every other new artist seems to have another name for their fav pairing. Fanexus has a tagging system that support synonyms-- meaning “#XemSai”, “#Xemnas x Saix”, “#Xemnas/Saïx”, etc. will all show up under the same “#XemSai” search.

Its tagging is also hierarchical-- so if someone tags something with just “#XemSai”, it’ll show up under show up #Xemnas, #Saix, and #Kingdom Hearts. While this may come off as a bit scary at first (there’s such a “don’t put X in the main tag!” concern on tumblr), it normalizes letting your art/fics to be actually, like... seen. And if someone doesn’t like it #XemSai, they can just block the tag. This greatly decreases the chance of shy people with rarepairs just being lost to the abyss, never seen again. As someone who’s in some small fandoms, “forcing” everything to go into the series tag is a great feature to me.

It also lets people completely block series-- block the #Kingdom Hearts tag if you don’t want to see Melody of Memory spoilers. As long as they’ve tagged their posts with anything regarding the series, it’ll get caught up in that block filter, so you can safely play the game and still browse your feed.

Aliases (3 Accounts in 1)

With one account, you have three different “Alias” blogs. These generally function like completely different blogs (none of that sideblog shit); with their own posts, their own followers, their own following, and their own memberships to communities. You can switch between them with an easy click, instead of having to open a whole new browser or logout/login like on tumblr.

My plan is to have a SFW alias, a NSFW alias, and a RP alias. I can enjoy my SFW alias at work and on the go, as well as post some OCs to it; I can switch to my NSFW alias if I want to see some juicy smut on a lazy weekend; and to my RP alias to catch up on what’s been going on and write some replies.

Miscellaneous

Communities: You ever think about making a blog exclusively for one character, but go “ugh sideblogs suck and I don’t want to do this by myself”? Well, Communities allow everyone who joins to share content to it, easily gathering art/fics from your favorite character or series in one place. It’s a great way to find people with similar interests, follow some new artists, etc. Roleplay-wise, theoretically great for “Worlds”; tossing an opener into the themed world and getting some replies.

Funding: They’re currently planning on no ads, and funding via premium features, such as buying extra aliases. There’ll be a Kickstarter later for server cost and additional features.

People/Fans: I’ve been on their discord for a few weeks, and holy shit, these are my people. I’ve never felt so comfortable just like... chatting about my interests with people. I’m not the #1 sinner in the server at all times, like I am everywhere else. Discussions I’ve normally seen blow up into huge raging disagreements kinda just simmer to slightly irritable but still civil conversations. It’s kinda bizarre to witness, like... mature people talking to mature people.

Minors: Minors will not be able to see posts marked as 18+, full stop. You can also mark your entire blog as 18+, but you’re not required to. Minors who lie about their age will have their accounts banned.

Interested?: Their beta is going to be starting sometime late this month. You can find more details on their tumblr blog ( https://fanexus-dot-net.tumblr.com/ ) or their twitter ( https://twitter.com/fanexus ). You can sign up for their forum/discord/beta over here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1-Ll_vb1bukbnxHpaQcuxUikUu1NtqDk3-AsD4gZkjiY/viewform?edit_requested=true

#fanexus #hashtag not sponsored #I just really like what I see #fanexus-dot-net

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justkpopjokes · 3 years

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Found You || OnlineRival!Felix

AU: online gamer friends + college + rivals to lovers

Anon: know it's a common au cliché but I've been craving some college au's of felix, maybe enemies to lovers ?? but enemies in a playful, competitive sense of course. I'll leave this vague so that you have more creative freedom, idc if you write in para. style or bullet point, I'll eat up anything you write skskj

A/N: I HAVE RETURNED!! Hope you enjoy this anon~ still can’t believe you’ve been following me since 2017 oml

If anyone else has lowkey specific requests for skz I’ll take them!! It can be any type/medium(?) of writing lol I just don’t want to write elaborate plots rn

You’ve been playing this video game recently

(I’ve been playing Valorant lol so I’m basing this off of that)

you’ve been playing solo for a bit

One afternoon, you match with a nice team that’s doing well

it’s a good game; you’re pretty evenly matched

you end up the last player standing, win a round for your team, & they applaud you for it!

But then—ohoho and then—

—you hear the deepest freakin Australian accent on voice chat

saying “ayy nice!!”

you say a polite thank you back to him

meanwhile the other people on your team are like

“holy crap bro your voice is low af!”

you get to hear this boy speak for longer lol

His username is #1Aboji or BrownieBoi915 or smth idk so you call him Brownie

and y’all get to talking lol

you send him a friend request on a whim because he seems nice

he accepts, sends you a party invite, and you play a few games together!!

Over the course of a couple months, you play together every time you’re online at the same time

(which is often bc ur timezones happen to be the same hehe)

It’s funny because although you’re friendly with each other, you’re competitive af LMAO

most of your games are spent competing for who can get more kills and who can be MVP of the team/entire match

it’s friendly competition but competition nonetheless

eventually he asks for your Tumblr/Twitter/whatever so y’all can chat a bit more :D

his @ can still be @/BrownieBoi915 lol

Brownie’s fun and you share some interests!!

your music tastes are similar too, so he sends you song recommendations, then you yell about them

You’ve been chatting a lot and reply to each others’ posts/tweets often, especially when you’re just posting about weird sh!t happening in your life

But one day… you post about something that happened at your college

something like “icb this ajlsdhf there’s this girl in one of my classes and she just sCALED THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING SO SHE WOULDN’T BE LATE TO CLASS”

less than a minute later you get a text:

“AHJKFLDSA WAIT YOUR MOST RECENT TWEET—

DO YOU MEAN VANESSA??”

and then

wAIT THAT’S BROWNIE TEXTING

HE KNOWS VANESSA?!?!?

So, naturally, you text him back

Then Brownie gets you to agree to another silly competition:

see who could identify the other first on campus!!

the 1 rule is that you have to find each other in-person

(there is a 2nd rule that you can’t ask exactly where the other person is, but that’s pretty obvious lol)

But because of the main rule, occasionally you’ll get a vague text like

Brownie: “Hey are you wearing a red flannel right now”

You: “No I’m not even outside lmao”

Brownie: “Dammit I thought I felt the vibes”

It’s a nice lil challenge because the only thing you know about Brownie is that he identifies as a guy and has an Australian accent

(but that may be unimportant depending on where you live lmao)

meanwhile the only things he knows about you are random details, your voice, and that you have a class with Vanessa lol

And it’s FUN!!

but you both start to get suuuuper competitive

mostly because of the 1 rule

there have literally been times you’ve probably found Brownie when you hear an Australian accent in the distance

however he always leaves before you can get to him, so it doESN’T COUNT GDI

Brownie tho lmao—he’s always putting on his detective hat and trying to track you down on campus

whenever he’s chilling after class he asks for where you are generally

he’ll ask you “Hey wyd”

You: “Studying”

Brownie: “In the library?”

You: “…Yes”

then he starts to narrow down where you could be based on less-specific questions

Of course, that’s not the only thing you text him about

you’ve grown pretty close to Brownie

the competition has helped with that!!

and ofc you still play that game together lol

Honestly, you really want to meet him

he’s just super charming + considerate

Also he mentioned he likes baking

you suggested “we should bake together!!”

Brownie: “Gotta find me first ;)))”

so,,, yeah you daydream about baking with Brownie

you really want to know his name

I mean, c’mon, you’ve gotten his phone number at this point, but you still can’t find him??

it’s starting to get frustrating

to the point where he can hear the frustration through your texts

HIS NAME IS FELIX!!

YOU HAVE A NAME TO WORK OFF OF NOW!!!!

That small piece of information motivates you for the rest of the week

you give Felix your name in return, but he insists that neither of you should ask around for each other

(you can’t ask your friends if they know someone named Felix

but if you hear someone say “Felix” while you’re out and about, that works)

you’re still unable to find him for some time, but knowing Felix’s name makes you feel closer to him

You can’t video call Felix but you normally call him at least once a week

after knowing him for at least half a year, you get this warm feeling in your chest every time his name pops up on the top of your phone

One of your phone calls sounds something like this:

Felix: “Hey, y/n?”

You: “Yes?”

Felix: “Do you want to go out for lunch? I mean, once we find each other.”

You: “As in a date?”

Felix: “Yeah—I mean, if that’s okay!”

You: “Yes please!! So can you find me already istg 🙄”

Felix is itching to meet you too

…so he sends you a selfie

with a filter though! that way you don’t see his entire face

you send him 1 in return (also with a filter)

Felix immediately says “aww ur cute uwu”

and your heart m e l t s

you’d think, hey maybe that’ll help me find him

SPOILERS it doesn’t really help lmao

Your close friends really want to help lmao because they’ve been hearing about this “Brownie” boy you like

however, you & Felix are adamant of winning this competition because the person who wins doesn’t need to pay for your 1st lunch date lol

It’s the last Friday afternoon before you have a week-long holiday, when you’re hanging out in front of one of your friend’s classes to pick them up

you’re standing outside the building chatting with one of your other friends when your phone starts ringing in your pocket

other friend is like “ooOOOH is it brownie boy??”

You: “Oh yeah rip he’s probably calling because I missed some of his texts, give me a moment."

You’re about to pick up when the call drops

so you’re like ?? bruh what and are about to unlock your phone to see what Felix’s texts are about

That’s when you feel a tap on your shoulder

and a low Australian voice behind you says your name

your head whips around to find this cute face with freckles and a giant smile on his face

“Felix?!?”

“Heh, I found you~”

Dude doesn’t hesitate to hug you, pick you up, then spin you around

your friend is watching with a goofy smile but he doesn’t care

after he finally puts you down, you cup his face with both your hands

“The filters always hide your freckles… they’re like stars, Lix”

instead of a lunch date, Felix takes you out for dinner :DD

even though you lost he insists on paying :’))

your friends don’t even care that you’re ditching them ajlkfdhs they literally push you away to go eat with Felix lmao

and you return home with that warm feeling in ur heart still there

needless to say, he will arrange another date so he can bring you some homemade brownies

he is the brownie boy after all!!

#stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids fake texts #lee felix imagines #lee felix fake texts #lee felix #jkj fics #.txt

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friendofthecrows · 3 years

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Posting a way more in-depth description of my alters than any of you want or need because why not

Keiko: friendliest, nicest, cutest, acts the youngest. Used to front a lot when we were hanging out with friends. Still essentially like the rest of us in that she has the same personality disorders (pointing this out because you wouldn’t guess she has ASPD but we all do. No, none of us are “more of a psychopath” or evil vs good or whatever compared to one another). She just seems more able to feel/express the positive spectrum of emotions, she hasn’t repressed it or detached herself from it as much. She/her pronouns. Aroace. Current fave thing: either MLP or stimboards

Miyuki: calm, collected, responsible, acts like a gatekeeper of the system a lot as in she’s the only one we can actually trust to moderate the rules objectively. Also has pulled people out or put people in control before. Less “control panel” access than say Jokul or I though, but probably only due to lack of practice. THE most sane one (idk how that works either) and the one with the least emotional turmoil. Used to wonder if 1. She was capable of caring about people and 2. If she actually felt any emotions at all. The answer is yes she does, she just Bottles Them Up Completely. We are taking it in faith that she feels stuff because the body cried once while she was in control. Pronouns: she/her. Sexuality: ???? when it comes to romance, but definitely ace. Current fave thing: tea, specifically a nice warming oolong like Da Hong Pao.

Yahto: (me!) people are suggesting ways to describe me and it is mean. For most of my knowledge of my own existence as a separate alter, I’ve kind of assigned myself the role of protector. I was very functional as well! Confident (bordering on insufferably arrogant), and with the level of detachment from my emotions I had at the time as well as my complete lack of fear, perfectly suited to deal with a wide variety of situations. Only if we were okay with other people thinking we’re weird because I used to have a worse filter than I have now. I experienced fear for the first time 3.5 years ago right alongside the strongest emotions I’ve ever felt and my mental health has been spiraling downwards ever since :) Also I am literally the most stubborn person you will ever meet. He/him pronouns. Anything having to do with orientation is a big question mark right now, I just know I’m probably not interested in men. I HAVE dated women but tbh I’m no longer sure if I’m even interested in them. Current fave thing: yahto.exe stopped working 38 hours of being awake ago. Uh,,,,idk sorry How about reading fzanfic to pass the time fnafic fanfic

Jezebeth (Jez): (headspace bestie! Great at writing horror poems!) Does Not Care About People but also surprisingly extremely chill. When she’s enthusiastic about something, she’s REALLY ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT IT but otherwise mostly just stays quiet and has a nice time Observing. People either find her really fun to be around or creepy. No in between. She went through a phase where she thought it was funny to creep people out by saying really messed up things so that probably didn’t help. Actually, DURING said phase, she single-handedly made and maintained the best in-school friendship we ever had for 4 years. Literally none of us talked to her except for Jez. She just had endless “creepy” conversation topics and Robin thought it was *amazing. * She/her pronouns, I have no idea sexuality wise simply because she does not talk about that kind of thing. Current fave thing: inking pens :)

Jokul: (sworn enemy, tried to kill myself once to take him down with us) Perfectly reasonable person realistically. Nothing particularly wrong with him. I just Do Not Like Him. Especially since for as long as I can remember, we’ve made it a game to torment each other. You see, we both hate boredom more than anything else, or at least we did when we were even younger and more naive and we’re not actually malicious, and yet foolishly prided ourselves on not being nice and also our ability to manipulate people. No, little kid me was probably not actually an expert on manipulation, we just thought we were at the time. This all resulted in us taking our boredom, pent up malice, and desire to prove we were better than one another on each other. Such a great idea (sarcastic). We did in fact get better at emotionally wounding people after years of practice, and predictably (if we had any foresight on this matter at all) it backfired! I did in fact turn this skill against the one person I cared about in an effort to push them away during one of my breakdowns and it resulted in 6 suicide attempts, not including my own. Jokul has been trying to manipulate me positively since (both of us have been ordered to be nice to each other by Miyuki because we were causing too many problems) and it has Not Worked. If he was a separate person, I would skin him. The only person I’ve hated so much. We’ve been on relatively good terms lately. Been capable of having casual conversations. Things are okay, I guess. His personality is entirely fake, so I don’t know how to describe it except for how he acts when we’re trying to hurt each other, which might be him dropping his mask or it might be a whole different act just for that. Pronouns: He/him. Sexuality: He can change it at will? I think default is aroace though? Current fave thing: *Jokul imitation* “My purple silk dress I wear when I’m meeting people and am desperate for them to worship my beauty. I look so irresistibly elegant in it, it makes everyone like me automatically.” His actual answer is Death Note (cringe) (I’ve been yelled at for calling Death Note cringe)

Gracelynn: (headspace ex-bestie) Everyone thinks she’s the nicest person ever and super loyal and so on. She is to other people but apparently not to me anymore. Still finds it difficult to empathize with people and care about them, but apparently decided to be nice anyways. Like she doesn’t get the fuss about friends but she’s here for them anyways. Spends as much time daydreaming as possible these days, used to front A TON a few years ago. Extremely shy and full of social anxiety and anxiety in general. Goes nonverbal in a plethora of social situations. Freakishly good memory. Has way less memory gaps than I do and I have no idea why. She/her pronouns, probably aroace Current fave thing: brace yourself for no surprises, a tie between horseback riding and the Chronicles of Amber.

Ryo: (the alter of many names: Ryo, Rachel, Ry, Rei, R) The newest. Noticed a new voice and behavior that did not match any of ours a while after the events of 3.5 years ago. Might be coincidence, might not be, I don’t care. Kind of down to earth and practical and normal compared to the rest of us. Despite him being here for years now I don’t know that much about him partially because I don’t care and haven’t been paying attention, and partially because system communication hasn’t been that great (I’ve also been getting way more memory gaps! Whole days lost! Isn’t that great? (sarcastic)). Pronouns: varies, any are fine. (Despite us, in general, identifying as gender fluid so we don’t have to explain, Ryo is the only ACTUALLY gender fluid alter in our system) Aroace. Current fave thing: He said sleep, he wants us to go to sleep. (refuses to answer the fun question genuinely) Well Ryo, you have just failed my vibe check. Your reward is uh,,,AT LEAST 13 more hours of being awake. Yayyy

(I did colors here but the all green theme will stay in other posts <3 Really if I had to describe our auras it would be different shades of blue anyways.)

#if you actually read all this thank you and why #alters #system #headspace #DID #headmates #dissociative identity disorder #hal rambles #mental illness #long post

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maerenee930 · 3 years

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hi friends! just to let you know this is a super, super long and rambling post! also just as heads up, i do mention unhealthy eating habits and i understand that can be a very sensitive and triggering subject for people so please feel free to keep scrolling of reading about stuff like that is something that you need to avoid for your well being or your not comfortable reading about stuff like that 💙 and apologies in advance for how long this post is, for any grammar errors and spelling errors. and i’m very sorry i ramble so much 😓🤦‍♀️ also, i just want to say that i’m not posting all of this because i’m looking for attention or so that people will feel bad for me! and i’m not fishing for compliments! i just need to get these thoughts out. and i’m putting all of my rambling thoughts like this incase anyone does want to read it and if not, then no one has to press the “keep reading” and can just go on about their business 😅😊

so, about an hour ago i made the mistake of using the inverted filter in tiktok to see what my body looks like to other people. i’m used to seeing how my face looks from other people’s perspective. i’ve been flipping my snapchat selfies for a few years now because i feel then that way i not only see how i look to other people, but when people look at my selfies that i’m taking on snapchat, they’re seeing how i really look too and not how i look in my reflection. just a personal choice. anyway, i’m not totally used to seeing my full body that way. it’s not very often that i take pictures with my full body in the shot. not something i do on purpose or something i’m trying to avoid. just normally my selfies are of my face and if i take mirror ones and flip the image to see how i really look, it’s usually from like just under my chest and up. not typically my full body. i know i’ve made it pretty clear that lately i’m struggling with my body image/self esteem/self confidence. i just thought that maybe trying to use that filter to see how i really look could help give me some perspective and seeing it from a different perspective would maybe idk, make me not be as harsh on myself and prove to myself that those negative thoughts aren’t true. my intentions for doing this were good. but that backfired and now i really regret doing it. seeing myself, looking at my stomach, i just- i feel even worse about myself 😭 i truly feel so gross and ugly right now. looking at all of the fat on my body, looking at my (i hate both of these terms so much) love handles and muffin top, just makes me feel so disgusting and ugly. what confuses me and is so frustrating is that i don’t want to lose weight so i can be thinner because then i’ll fit in and people will find me more attractive. i just want to learn to love my body how it is and the weight i’m at because there’s nothing wrong with it! i’m not a healthy eater and i don’t exercise. i used to on and off prior to covid and tried a bit last year but lost motivation and there was just a lot of things i struggled with in general, mentally and emotionally. so exercising just wasn’t a super high priority. not saying that’s right and i’m not excusing my poor choices. just explaining it. but, over the past few years i learned that i wanted to lose weight for myself. to do that for myself and for my health. to not force myself to lose weight so i can be thinner and finally feel accepted or like i finally fit in society’s standards of beauty and health. (bmi is bullshit btw!! it’s a fucking joke and is absolutely stupid!!) i’ve hated that for so long i’ve let myself tie my self-worth to my weight. i’ve fought so hard with myself to finally get to a place where i’m not pressuring myself to eat a certain way because for too long i’ve had a really unhealthy relationship with food. over eating/emotional/comfort eating. or not eating when i’m super anxious so i’ll go for a while with our eating anything. i’m a picky eater and basically i just get annoyed with myself super easily and it affects me in a lot of ways. i know that doesn’t make sense but the more i try to explain everything that’s going on in my head, the more i ramble and the less sense everything makes cause i’m spiraling. and this post is already long enough 🤦‍♀️ so anyway, i’ve really tried to have the mentality that my body, my curves, my weight, my flaws who i am physically, mentally and emotionally are perfectly imperfect and there is nothing wrong with that! i know i can and will lose weight in time and when i’m ready to put the effort in. but right now, i just feel so ugly. and i feel that my fat is gross and makes me ugly. i feel so shitty right now. like that’s all i can say and it doesn’t even fully describe how i’m feeling but i can’t fully articulate at the moment what all i’m feeling. i feel defeated and ugly and wanna cry. what sucks is that i truly thought i was doing something good for myself 😣 ugh!! 😭 sorry, i’m done. just needed to get all of that out.

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thepausedsforzando · 3 years

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III. The Paused Sforzando

Part I. The End To The Remaining Effort

*******Introduction*******

It’s been 5 years. 5 years and a month just about. This post looks weird in public because it’s first one. It’s also marked as III. On October 8th, 2019 I nuked my entire Tumblr. Actually, I nuked all 3: hunkee, digitalclothingofhunkee and thepsychologyofdarthvader. That was a heavy day. This series has been shotty and inconsistent, in that gaps have become bigger and the details have lessened. This could likely be due to the feedback and problems I’ve had with people in my posts when I would talk about personal things that were not only private for me but for them. Primarily, these inconsistencies and gaps are because I’ve slowly descended into more of a void of a human being than I ever thought I could be when my life was right. January 6th, 2016. That’s where we last left off. “We” now means, and has always meant, current Matthew, as well as the one who will be reading this. If any Where are we now? Corny, I know, but you wanted to type it.

I have always dreamed of having a Tumblr where I had literally 0 holdbacks. If it was disturbing or could easily be misunderstood, I’d post it anyway. But coming from a Christian background where the Christian homeschool choirs I was in had its dark pockets of judgement, it, or more than just it, made me severely self-conscious. But that is tied deeper to why I care about what others think, and how their attention makes or breaks me as a human being. But I’m getting head of myself. On purpose.

hunkee, and it’s other 2 sisters were that of restriction. No more. So many have lost touched, forgotten and abandoned me, so who fucking cares now. I may still care. I’m showing it right now, but I’ll contradict that.

One thing I will hold back on is the private information of loved ones who never got a voice to choose whether or not to have their private lives posted here. I am transparent and honest to an extreme, and it’s gotten me in trouble more than I ever thought or wanted to. Therefore, what you will be seeing is the second draft, edited to filter out private events out of love and/or respect to those who didn’t get a voice. They will be edited with summaries and I may even redact names or change said names. Those people deserve it. And I should have known back then. But you can’t know everything. I could have learned faster, but respect is being shown nonetheless.

Alot has happened from January 6th, 2016 to February 5th, 2021. What I choose to be here will be here, and other installments will follow. Where we last left off was- well before I say it, let me show you the progression:

- 2009: The end of my childhood and innocence - 2010: a solid year of happiness in the first chapter of adulthood - 2011: not bad - 2012: The beginning of the dark renaissance; the start of it all - 2013: The Darkness: The darkest point, the breakdown, the intervention and the beginning of me stopping any care and any effort. Laziness became my life. - 2014: The Void: Through trying with little effort, the numbness grew - 2015: I literally forgot most of 2015. The Void at its highest - 2016: The End: The year that I gave up, after 5 years of trying through abandonment. - 2017: Committing to my abandonment. - 2018: Rebirth: The slow growth of the tiniest voice within me. - 2019: Pause #1: Amber - 2020: ugh: - 2021: ugh:

Let’s just begin.

**************

As per usual, let’s recap from the 16th. My name is Matthew. I’m 24 and a half years old. I work at Patsco Windshield Repair and had for about a month. I have been living back at my parents now for 2 years and about 4 months. I’d been single for 1 year and 2 months. I still had my Roth IRA and likely got rid of my savings account due to poor management of my money. I had suppressed my love for Amber again, and it wouldn’t be the last time. I was emotionally void after raging and depressing for years. My life had no meaning, nor did I really have many friends or any social interactions. I had a car. I can’t remember what bills I dealt with, but it was likely phone, insurance, health insurance and idk.

Life at Patsco was pretty lame. I would drive to the corner of a parking lot on a busy road, hold up a sign for a while and repair people’s windshields. Calling insurance companies and cleaning headlights. Great for a high schooler; pathetic that I was there in life at 24. The pay was $12/hr. I forgot if the hours were good. But the best thing that happened then was I read Dante Alighieri’s Inferno. I fell in love with that book. Standing on the grass next to cars at the red light of whatever intersection I was assigned that day. Immersed in the world and loving the darkness. I found beauty in dark things and gravitated towards hateful content. Who would have figured.

Patsco didn’t last very long. Maybe I got fired, I think I did. My memory has deteriorated so much over the past x amount of years. As has my attention span. And effort. Anyway, it usually takes me 1-3 months to find work, and on April whenever, I became a delivery driver for Jimmy John’s. Yet again, a low end, dead end job. I lasted just about 2 years. I asked Asia to let me stay long enough to make it an even two years, but she couldn’t stand me and it didn’t go that long.

Amber had either come back or was always there. For private reasons, someone in her life had jealously forbade me to come over and witness the birth of her first child. That didn't fucking happen with her second. I was there. More on that later.

Remembering 2015, 2016 and 2017 is hard. I'm having to pull up my resume, previous entries of this series and go back to where I was then. By the time Jimmy John’s rolled around, I’d been back home for over 2 and a half years. Being numb and unmotivated, I was also an asshole to live with. I treated my mother horribly. There is much to get into about what I have learned about her over the years and why we clash, but I always handled it wrong and I still do. Too lazy to confront her. She saw me at my worst. Whatever I could do out loud, she mostly saw and had to be the victim of it. She didn’t deserve it.

What I write about tends to focus on home, mom and dad, work, cars and not much else. I’ve neglected to mention Eva but once. I feel bad that in a forgetful and numb phase, I forgot when I met Eva. I met her on MeetMe, a social app for meeting people that too many guys used as a dating site. It was really, really pathetic. But I was open to meeting a significant other too I bet. There goes the hypocrisy. Take note. I just didn’t advertise it and let whatever unfolded, unfold. Before I mention Eva, what happened on MeetMe is notable. I just didn’t advertise it and I'd let whatever unfolded unfold. This is where I was at: I met someone who lived across the road from me named Evie. I put what I wanted onto her and god fucking dammit I was creepy. We were barely just talking and I was gushing over her. She was pretty and I wanted to be with someone.

My obsession with women had always been a tame problem that sprouted when it got to be intense. In 2011, when the neglect started, my creepiness, lack of social interactions and desire to have a girlfriend got weirder. Every girl that was remotely attractive, or not even that attractive was ‘so right for me’ and I’d pursue. Ashley, Andrea, Christa, Amy. I can’t even remember them all. It was every. fucking. woman. that came to Josh's and I's house. Someone I hadn’t been vibing with or talking to in the first place. That’s the key, you get to know someone and if they move that way WITH you, then it’s something. I always bash guys for pursuing if THEY want it, whether they’ve talked to them much or not. In my own way, I did that. I just didn’t assert myself as hard because in this context, it would have been awkward.

Evie casually told me where she worked. We were barely acquaintances and had never met or even had each others’ numbers. And when I saw she was getting off work one night, I bought her the candy she said she loved and walked over to her in front of the store at night, basically a total stranger, and gave her the Reese’s after clarifying who I was. She was extremely quiet. I bet she didn’t eat those candies because she thought the psycho who I guess you could say stalked her poisoned them and is going to kidnap her. Fuck me that was stupid. But that’s where I was at. My desire got stronger and more obsessive over these 4 years. This might have happened in 2015. Either way, I was doing things that were not Matthew. Using a woman for sex, stalking one, and Naomi....Poor Naomi.

We were talking as friends. She was beautiful. I wanted someone. She did NOT want to find a significant other. When she was reaching out for someone to talk to, it was a friend to confide in. And she made that clear. I lowkey pursued her romantically. We’d meet down the street of her house and park in a parking lot close by. We’d talk deeply, about her hard life. And I would be there for her. Once I told her my intentions, we stopped talking. She was upset, and had every right to be. When I was pursuing Amber 3 years prior, I was putting her newborn to sleep and said ‘can you say “daddy?”’...............................it’s hard for me to bring that up because as wrong as it was and I probably knew at the time, now I can’t....I can’t even explain the awkwardness and shame I feel for saying that. Like I devolved from already clingy/kinda obsessive/maybe on occasion creepy to.....that. To a newborn whose mother....I can’t remember if she liked me at that time. I think she did. ReGARDLESS.

The last time I wasn’t like this was Ana. in late 2011/early2012. I was never perfect as I’ve said like 3 times with regards to my intense emotions towards girlfriends. Hell, I wasn’t bad at all to Nicole. But this loneliness, that was a combination of my fault and other things that made me do things I regret. I had my first one night stand years ago. Attaining friends was through the screen of my phone. I couldn’t make friends. I lost my ability to be social. I became more socially awkward. Pursuing women wasn’t successful, and my desire had gone out of control.

Here I am, miles away from the original point: Eva. She was a female and I was looking for a relationship. Desiring love, affection and to get fucking laid. It came in the form of many creepy endeavors. I wasn’t as terrible with Eva. I liked her because I liked every female that came in contact with me. So it wasn’t even genuine when I told her. But we got past that. Wasn’t trying to get in her pants or anything heinous. But as that small phase passed, for the first time in years, I gained a friend. I made a new friend........it’s not that it’s hard, but was for me. I can’t think of the last time I made a new friend. But I hit the jackpot. No one is more loyal than Eva.

She was an actual friend. She listened to me. I listened to her. We cared for each other. She invited me to her house and to outings with her friends. She cared about me. Someone finally did. It was nothing to her. Like it should be nothing to anyone else: you have friends and you spend time with them. But it was the universe and all its stars to me. I made a big deal out of it for reasons you already know. She was the true friend I needed, but got so late. I felt included, I felt cared about and I felt wanted. I think she’d even text me first! That doesn’t exist anymore! She became a bright spot, but it didn’t change what was coming.

I got mad at Jimmy John’s. Aggressive driving, maybe dealing with the occasional dick ‘cause I was in an upper middle class (some would say rich) area of town. Having been void for so long, I felt I was at a dead end. I think I was friends with Eva by then. I had only been at Jimmy John’s for a month, not even. 2 days before Mother’s Day was when it finally happened.

Despite the angel that had come into my life, I was still lazy and numb, but I feel I was more angry at this point. Regardless, on May 6th, 2016, I officially gave up. From neglect to anger to depression to laziness, it had all culminated to this. It came in waves: neglect, anger, depression, suicidal ideation, hopelessness, self-attack, breakdown, intervention, self-abandonment, extreme sloth, numbness beyond the realm of textual representation, sick of my state, denying help, anger and then release. Release of it all. When I say ‘I gave up’, that seems so small in text, but defined ‘the rest of my life’. This had been culminating for 4 years and I finally just gave up. Career? never. Healthy diet? never. Friends? They already all left me so nothing’s gonna change ‘cause it hasn’t. Love? either I said I can’t ‘cause of my mental state or idk. Being happy? it hasn’t been possible.

I adopted a new phrase: Until death. It kept repeating in my head. I had a new set of goals and motivation in my life. My goal was to avoid being happy. It was to never seek love or really get anything serious, idk. My goal was never to get a better paying job, but get enough just to live on my own. Push everyone away, not get lied to by people’s flakiness. Be in a shitty apartment and watch my 30′s, 40′s, 50′s and maybe even 60′s alone. Eat junk food and clog my arteries as no one cares and everyone has forgotten me. What’s the use. I tried. I FUCKING TRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I couldn’t do it. After 4 years, I was alone, I had no social life, I couldn’t score a woman and I was too creepy to even get close to the first step, I had eaten junk food most of my life and it was affecting my mental and physical health, I couldn’t hold a job, I couldn’t advance because I couldn’t stay long enough, my mental health was blocking my success rate before I started telling people it was blocking my success rate, I was at odds with my parents, Missy was in Chicago, no matter what I did I just couldn’t progress. It wasn’t worth it. I just let it go. My life and my desire to be happy. And that was a commitment. Hard as it would be for my family to have to endure that, I didn’t do it for them. And they didn’t have to suffer. But they did.

Missy graduated the year we're talking about now. To preface that, the whole family had vacationed to New Orleans sometime.....2014? idk, but my mental state and circumstances had made me a recluse. My family was outgoing, talking with Uber drivers and the person kind enough to let us use their house instead of a hotel. They experienced New Orleans and were having fun. But not me. I was not fully there. I was withholding myself from participating. I was quiet. if you knew me when I was myself, I was the opposite of quiet and shy. But the darkness had just become me. I was barely participating, sitting away from people and not saying a word, focusing on rooting my phone and occasionally talking about it, not talking to humans outside of my family and not speaking with a sad, distant, vacant expression.

I learned something through my silence. Usually, if there were family problems, I’d be overly involved and not able to think straight ‘cause I’m thinking of all the perspectives and dividing my attention up multifold. I wasn’t like this in New Orleans. When I said nothing, I got to listen more; I got to see what I hadn’t seen all this time. Or at least what I didn’t bring into focus all my life. And that was more true sides of my family through their interactions. The fighting over nothing and people from different perspectives. The escalations and how my family just doesn’t understand each other. If anyone else is reading this but me, you can learn more than you can possibly imagine when you say little to nothing, sit back and let the conversation you normally are involved in happen in front of you. Don’t interact, just let it happen. Watch what you don’t pick up. Our compassion is valid; we can also get carried away and not notice what’s fully going on right in front of our faces.

Much changed from that much as I used to. Optimism is ideal in moderation, as is everything else. My father was so aperspective shift. I learned more about where we are as a family and I didn’t brush it under the rug as ngry that my standout silence and being a weird, burdensome stick in the mud of a family vacation was affecting everyone and our time together. Not to mention my sister moved out...........2013? I forget. She had been in Chicago so we don’t see her everyday. Things had changed. I had moved back, but for a small amount of time, mom and dad had the place to themselves. That part of your kids growing up and leaving. He confronted me angrily and I learned something else by what he said. You would think he would say something based on how I’ve prefaced this, but instead what uttered from is angry face was:

“Do you have any idea how much money I’ve spent?!”

Sometimes, maybe many times, the way you say something or the first thing you say reflects where your focus is at. I disagree this is always the case. But in that moment, I believe as a man whose life revolved around providing for his family for 20 years, became focused on that primarily. The man can love. The man loves him family incomprehensibly. Never doubt that. But I learned not only of his perspective but how men (traditionally and mostly) make their life’s purpose of providing....larger than love, communication and interaction. All of that is still there in my father at this point, but when it wasn’t, I learned why.

Back to the point, Missy was graduating. I had been at Jimmy John’s a bit and even though New Orleans was a while ago, I only got worse for vacations. And going to Chicago was..........terrible. My sister had always been a social butterfly and extravertive. Our personalities were now white and black. I didn’t know how to talk to people. I didn’t know how to socialize. I didn’t want to. I’d been burned so much that I forgot how to be a human being, and also tried not to be. The silence and seclusion as people were in my sister’s living room, talking, was bizarre. People would kindly ask me about me and raise small talk and I don’t remember how much I’d say if I said anything. I think I’d straight up ignore people. It was extremely awkward. I was introvertive, shy, quiet, ignoring and reserved like I was an extreme trauma victim or a mute (no offence meant to either an victim of a crippling trauma or mutes). My sister was in love and trying with this man that turned out to be an asshole. But at the time, my sister was showing me her life and a very important man in her life and I was just letting it pass me by. Was it as simple as just getting over it? Faking it and putting on a face? That, is the opposite of who I am, and I couldn’t just shake this off. I was alone for 4 years and upset about it. It changed me so much that you don’t just pull out of that. Who Matthew IS. PERIOD. at this point. IS. too far gone from who he really is and so deeply warped and shaped by his depression that who he IS is hopeless and functionless.

Her boyfriend got me a present. I practically said nothing. I watched my sister graduate. I don’t remember it. This is trauma. This has affected my caring, my memory and my attention span. I’m not myself or a functioning human. PSA: it is possible to get out of the habit of many things you don’t think you could get out of the habit of. Like social interaction, how to talk to people, react to things. It wasn’t the darkest point, but such a troublesome time. I was 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% darkness and 00.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% myself. There has always been a voice inside that never wanted this. That disagreed with the (verbal) self harm I’d convince myself. After a while, if you tell yourself the same thing, whether it’s good or destructive, you’ll believe it. You’ll trick you mind. Same thing with your environment. You become affected and accustomed to your environment to some extent. When you don’t realize it.

But this was never me. Me just got smaller. The darkness took over. The darkness was my Caretaker, which leads me to...

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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483

Is there a bus stop near your house?: No, buses don’t stop around my area and I only ever see them on EDSA, which is like the main highway of Metro Manila.

Do you prefer red wine or white wine?: I hate the shit out of wine but if I absolutely had to drink some, it has to be red. And it has to be more sweet than bitter.

What’s the last airport you were at? Why were you there?: NAIA. I’m literally at the Starbucks right across the airport right now because my mom is arriving from Hong Kong in an hour and I have to pick her up.

Who do you live with?: I live with my family. That’s a mom, a dad, a brother, a sister, a cat, and a dog.

Do you read reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like?: Yessssss all the time. I always browse through the Popular filter since it already compiles the best recent posts, but I’m a huge fan of the r/AmITheAsshole subreddit. People who turn out to be the assholes are hilaaaaarious.

Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend?: No. I ‘broke up’ with Aya as a friend when she was being abusive to Jo, but she’s since started working on getting better and has apologized to our friend group, so she’s back on my good side.

What’s the weather like today? Is it nice enough to go outside?: It’s 29ºC. I’m glad we’re not in the 30s, but I don’t appreciate how warm it still is.

Do you know anyone who’s had a baby recently?: As far as I know, no.

Have you used a pen or pencil today? What did you write down?: [continued from earlier because I had to pick my mom up lmao] Yes, I used a pen today. It was to write my name on a requirement that I needed to submit to complete my class.

What does your last text message say and who is it from?: "Can I call?” from my girlfriend.

Can you count how many times you’ve seen your favourite film?: Must be near a hundred. I talked about this in a recent survey but there was a time I watched Two for the Road everyday for like 2-3 months. I still make it a point to watch it several times a year.

When was the last time you ate marshmallows?: I have no idea. I don’t like marshmallows; I’ve always hated the texture.

Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them?: Uhhh no, not really. If I REALLY REALLY like the guest, I’ll sometimes listen to Colt Cabana’s Art of Wrestling or Chris Jericho’s Talk is Jericho. But other than that, I’d rather watch YouTube videos.

How old will you be in the year 2030?: 32.

How often does the kettle in your house get used?: My mom never got one.

Does your skin bruise easily? Do you have any bruises right now? What from?: Yep, super. I don’t have a bruise right now but I do have a mysterious cut below my right knee. Have absolutely no idea where it came from, but apparently whatever cut it cut it deep and it hurts.

What was the last thing you spent $150 or more on?: I’ve never spent that amount of money on anything.

Do you prefer yes or no questions or more open-ended questions?: Open-ended. If I sense that a survey is becoming too yes-or-no I usually quit it halfway; it’s too boring.

What brand of toilet paper do you usually buy?: My mom buys the toiletries so I’m not aware of what brands she gets.

If I knocked on your door right now, would you be acceptable dressed?: Yes. I just got home and haven’t changed out of my jumpsuit.

Why did you leave your last job?: Never had one.

What colour were the last socks you wore?: It’s like a faded green.

Are you studying currently? What level of education and what do you study?: Yep! I’m an incoming senior in my BA in Journalism.

Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying?: No, that’s terrible.

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?: Probably something from Buzzfeed Unsolved cause I’ve been rewatching it lately.

What’s your favourite scent of air freshener?: Meh, I prefer the natural car smell. Scents make me dizzy.

How many weddings have you ever been to?: Four, I think. All of those when I was a kid; I haven’t been to a wedding since 2007.

Do you know anyone named Nora?: I don’t think so.

Are your hands and feet in good condition or could you do with a mani-pedi? My fingernails can be trimmed, but it’s not like a mess or anything. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play?: We played a math version of Scrabble when we stayed over at Laurice’s house. I’ve never seen a game like it before lmfaaaaao it was so intense.

Have you ever been to a festival for beer or other type of alcohol?: Nope. I don’t think that would be my kind of scene, either.

Do you own a record player and/or vinyls?: I don’t have a record player so I don’t have vinyls.

When was the last time you went out for drinks?: Third week of May. Have you ever been to a strip club?: NO I really want to go to one though.

What’s your favourite kind of smoothie?: I don’t take smoothies.

Do you know anyone with a ‘virtue name’? (Google it): Hmm I don’t think so, but I know someone who wants to name their kid Prudence.

Would you ever wear real authentic leather?: Never.

Have you taken out the trash today?: Nope, I don’t do that around the house. How often do you wear make-up?: Very seldom. I had my face made up several times over the last few months because Kate sometimes gets bored and she’d want to give me a makeover, but other than that, I rarely get my face done for events.

What’s your opinion on The Simpsons?: I have a very soft spot for that episode where Homer sits on the hood of his car and looks at the stars after he separated from his mom. I don’t keep track of the rest of the show.

Do you prefer horizontal or vertical stripes?: Horizontal. I don’t think I’ve ever worn vertical ones before.

What’s your favourite brand of deodorant/antiperspirant?: I don’t have a favorite.

Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce?: No. We don’t have divorce in the Philippines. So it’s not because all the couples I know are staying strong – it’s literally because no one is allowed to divorce by law.

If you had the money, would you take taxis everywhere instead of driving?: No, taxi drivers can be creepy. I’d rather drive by myself.

Have you ever done a juice cleanse?: Nope. I don’t need it.

Do you have any friends who you can’t decide if they’re attractive or not?: HAHAHAHAHA WTF, that’s so messed up and such a shitty thing to do. Is the inside of your fridge clean right now or does it need a clean out?: It’s always clean. My mom doesn’t let any spot in the house go messy for long.

When was the last time you washed the dishes?: This morning before I left the house.

Are there any magazines that you read on a regular basis?: Nope, I haven’t read one in months.

Do you have to pay for parking in most places in the town/city you live in?: No, not in Antipolo. That’s why I love it here. Once I get to the city though we do have to pay for everything, yes.

What’s the first thing you tend to do when you have a headache?: Take a Biogesic. Takes it out immediately.

Tell me about your responsibilities at work.: I don’t have a legit job yet, but at my latest internship I did news monitoring, press releases, research, and made briefing forms for the media.

Can you hear lots of traffic from your house? Does it bother you?: No. I live in a gated subdivision so it is very quiet here. Have you ever had proper Canadian poutine with the squeaky cheese?: I have never tried poutine, what a damn shame. I wish I can encounter a restaurant that serves it cause it looks SO GOOD. Canadian cuisine is not very prominent here though so idk when I can ever get an authentic serving of poutine :(

Do your parents know how to operate smartphones and/or computers?: My dad is very techy, more so than me. My mom uses her phone for her Facebook and camera and nothing else. She still asks me to Google stuff for her even if her Chrome app is right beside Facebook.

How old are your parents, anyway?: My mom and dad are both 1971 babies so they are turning 48 this year.

Are you allergic to anything? What do you have to do to prevent them?: No. My skin can get very allergic to the environment (especially if it’s humid), but it’s not an allergy or anything.

What song is stuck in your head at the moment?: I haven’t been thinking of a song.

Do you hate it when people try really hard, or do you kinda like it?: Idk how to feel about them...like sometimes I’d think it’s hilarious but other times I’d feel sorry and just cringe. But I’m certain I don’t hate it.

What’s your boss’ first name? Do you call him/her by that name?: My boss at internship is named Dessa. I call her that but I address her with Ms. before her name too so that it’s respectful.

When was the last time you wore a uniform of any kind? What colour was it? I wore my old school uniform last year for funsies because I spotted it in our storage closet and felt a little nostalgic. No reason to wear it, just wanted to mess around. The blouse ws white, the necktie and skirt are plaid.

Do you complete a survey before taking this one? Will you take one after?: No. After this, I’m torn among a) getting a midnight snack, b) taking another survey, and c) watching RuPaul’s Drag Race since I started getting into it last night, hahaha. Have you ever lost enough weight to drop a dress size?: I probably have, except I wasn’t actively trying to achieve that.

What’s your favourite kind of bread?: White and brioche.

When was the last time you got pizza? What toppings did you get?: Last Thursday. We got a cheese pizza and a barbecue chicken pizza.

Do you own Monopoly? Is it the original or a special version?: We don’t. I don’t know how to play Monopoly haha it always seemed just so boring to me.

What was the last thing you said out loud?: "Whatcha doing?”

You have to choose one: cats or dogs?: Dogs.

Would someone being either a cat or dog person affect you dating them?: It probably would. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who wants to own a cat with me. I love cats but I would never want them as a pet.

How do you travel to and from work?: I drive myself always. I don’t work yet, though.

Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why?: Cash, because I don’t have a card.

Have you ever been to a stadium concert?: I’ve been to arena concerts, if they mean the same thing lmao.

#survey #surveys

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notallthosewho-wanderarelost · 3 years

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Finally watched the first episode of Loki and it was AMAZING. It’s just the first episode but about a third into it it was already getting into the meta questions of “does Loki’s story belong to Loki” and “Loki is supposed to be the villain of other heroes’ stories,” and Loki not having any of that because he refuses to fit into a box is quintessential Loki right there!!! This show GETS IT. Amazing, wonderful, fantastic; I want to go reread Agent of Asgard right this minute. Tom Hiddleston has an executive producer credit on this show and I can tell. (He gave the crew a multi-hour-long lecture on Loki continuity with a whiteboard and everything and I think that’s awesome.)

Literally my only gripe is the DB Cooper scene because aside from the whole scene just being absurd (to quote Loki), Loki says he did it “because he was young,” but it was in 1971! That’s 50 years ago.

Thor is canonically 1500 years old (might be an estimate imo, but those are his own words from Infinity War) and we know for a fact Loki is a smidge over 1000 from the Thor prologue and then Odin’s story of adopting him from the same movie. Fifty years ago for Loki is probably something like 3 weeks ago for a human being. Maybe even less!

However, he does follow it up by saying he only did it because he lost a bet to Thor, which makes a lot more sense, and it’s clearly a sequence that’s meant to be ridiculous anyway, so I’m going to just ignore the timeline issue. And given that that scene is in so many of the trailers I wonder if someone insisted on putting it in the show for trailer footage.

Random thoughts on the episode:

I’m pretty sure I called the villain of the piece in abstract speculation way before the show started, but I just want it on record that as I was watching the show, literally the first whiff we got of a villain, the scene of Mobius investigating and asking the kid who did it and the kid pointing to a picture of the devil that had very prominent horns, I immediately went, “the bad guy is an evil Loki isn’t it.” It only makes sense, because Loki’s greatest enemy has always been himself (from both a narrative perspective and from a “who has Loki gone up against in comics” perspective), but still. I’m kinda proud of myself for that immediate reaction.

In fairness, it should also go on record that the Mephisto theory memeing from WandaVision clearly got to me, because my second thought was “or it’s Mephisto.” 😂 Admittedly, based on that picture of the devil the kid pointed to, the thought wasn’t completely out of nowhere!

Speaking of villains, the Time Keepers seem MASSIVELY shady to me. Three beings deciding the fates of everyone across possibly infinite universes isn’t right. I hope this show does what Legends of Tomorrow did with the Time Masters and has them go away somehow. Would love to see Loki taking them down as the finale. Actually, now that I said it I wonder if that’s where the show is heading...

The Miss Minutes commercial that gave the background of the TVA reminded me very much of Secret Wars only a step to the left. Plot twist, the Time Keepers are actually Doctor Doom! Jk. (Now I’m thinking about that time Doom froze Loki in time and turned him into a sculpture...)

The TVA looks like a giant subway station filled with the most red tape-y police ever and I hate it. I’m pretty sure Loki does too. I’m pretty sure both of those things are on purpose, major props to whoever came up with that aesthetic. It’s basically the exact opposite of Asgard and an excellent counterpoint to anywhere Loki’s likely to have ever been.

The giant heads behind the judge (the Time Keepers I assume?) look VERY Kirby-esque and also very familiar, but I can’t figure out if they look familiar because of the Kirby style or because I’ve actually seen them in a comic. Will have to poke around and see if I can dig anything up. (My first thought is Celestials? My second is those gods the Asgardians worship whom Loki encounters in the final AoA issue. Though a quick google tells me the latter is majorly wrong. It’s been a hot minute since I read AoA.)

Mobius saying there’s no magic where the TVA is made me sad. The idea of there absolutely being magic in the universe and a place being completely without it makes me sad.

The Soul Stone being in that drawer hurt me. Sure Marvel, just rub in how pointless Gamora and Natasha’s deaths were some more, why don’t you.

I just had an epiphany- MOBIUS IS LIKE THE TVA’S VERSION OF PHIL COULSON. No I will not elaborate currently; it just feels true!

I miss Coulson. :( And his team. I know there’s all that corporate infighting between Marvel Studios and TV but the show I am by far the most salty about them refusing to acknowledge is Agents of SHIELD. Feige can say whatever he wants but I refuse to stop referring to any of the shows as MCU. He can pry them from my cold dead hands.

Getting off-topic so final thought is that all the multiverse theories about a single correct timeline (and especially all the stuff about Steve and his going back to the past 🙄) seem premature. We’re one episode into the show and the whole idea of one “correct” timeline/universe with benevolent Time Keepers watching over it seems extremely counterproductive to both actual good things- free will is important!- and to everything Loki’s story was ever likely to be about. Because Loki’s story is very much one of him asserting his free will and choice over the boxes everyone and everything else try to put him in.

...I lied, last one now: Speaking of the multiverse- I caught that Multiverse of Madness almost-namedrop in the Miss Minutes short, and I would love it if we got a surprise Loki team up in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. Give me a Stephen/Wanda/Loki team up, Marvel! And a real one this time, not one where Loki and Wanda are actually demonic hallucinations. So close but yet so far, Damnation event. So close.

#long post #loki spoilers #loki series #loki 1x01 #a rare text post appears #my stuff #idk have a post it’s late and I’ve lost my filter #sorry for the lack of cut; I’m on mobile

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the-scottish-costume-guy · 5 years

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Okay post about EDS, Wheelchairs, Chronic pain and self doubt? Its going to be under a cut cause idk if Im going to filter very well but like if you have knowledge or thoughts and can be bothered to read it please let me know.

The last two - three months my pain and weakness levels have been bad. I’ve spent more time in bed, im worn out more easily and I’ve more days or parts of days where walking is difficult or impossible. That said I always feel like I COULD push through with more willpower. I feel like I could make myself walk - my legs just feel shaky or sore. And I’m scared if I go to a doctor they wont believe me when I say how hard it has been lately (or that some of my family who i’ll be staying with temporarily wont believe me). A few friends have advised me to enquire about a wheelchair... Its something thats been in the back of my mind for years. Most winters I hit really rough periods for walking, but its crept into other months too over the last few years and right now I feel pretty lost because the painful days outnumber the not-painful ones. (Pain doesnt = weakness here either sometimes i hurt but Im stable, other times I’m not stable but Im pain free). I’m scared the doctor wont believe me, I’m scared I dont actually need it and am playing up or something. idk what to think or do - I just want the best start for going back to university. When I was first diagnosed with hypermobile eds at 16 i could barely walk. I’m lucky, the physical therapy helped me get loads better and I still mostly walk unassisted at the moment. But when I do feel the need to use a stick it hurts my arms... I was told I could end up in a wheelchair by 20 - I didn’t. then by 25... thats where we are now. Despite that when I’ve complained about rising pain to my doctors they’ve brushed it off...

#eds #hypermobile eds #hypermobility

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thundersstruck · 6 years

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High hopes pt.2

A/n I wasn’t planning on writing this immediately but I had ideas that I didn’t want to forget so I like had to do it now

Literally no one asked for this but this is actually good so get over it

Word count: again idk man more than last time because this gets long and more in-depth [just kidding it’s 1719]

Warnings: I swear like once or twice oops

Gif credit: @torinado

Part one

This takes place later in the season

Enjoy

“Had to have high, high hopes for a living

Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing

Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision

Always had high, high hopes”

“The dynamic duo of Matthews and Marner has been broken up and now it’s Matthews and Stamkos, an unlikely pair who are headed to Tampa for the All Star Game” Kathryn Tappen says as I sit in my shared hotel room with Auston. We had just won against Dallas now headed for the All Star Game.

“Stamkos and Matthews seem to have great on ice chemistry, we wonder if there’s any off ice chemistry there too. For now we don’t know. For the NHL Network I’m-“ she continues until Auston turns off the tv and jumps onto the bed.

“Didn’t your brother tell you not to watch this?” He asks looking at me “well yeah but I’ve got nothing better to do with my time” I say taking his hand in mine.

“You are aware we have to tell at least my brother we’re together right?” I ask looking up at him “I mean he’s gonna figure it out this weekend, so let’s be crazy and announce our relationship during the skills comp” He says with a pleading smile.

“Ugh you know I can’t say no to your smile.” I reply matching his smile.

*a few days later*

“There’s my all star!!” Steven yells acting like he hasn’t seen me in months. “It’s been like 20 days since you’ve seen me dude” I say as we hug. “Yeah but it’s special now because you and your boyfriend here are on my team for the All Star game” He says as Auston chokes on his water behind me. Steven displays a puzzled look and then a smile.

“I knew you were dating, you shot for the stars” He says as we walk away.

Media day went smoothly and so did practice for the skills comp, but nerves were eating away at me because this is my first All Star game and the fact that Auston and I were telling the whole world we were together. We skated onto the ice for the entrance starting the competition and that’s when everything settled in.

“Hey you must be (y/n)” a voice next to me says. I turn to look and it’s Sidney Crosby, holy mother of god. “Yeah that’s me, the better Stamkos.” I respond as P.K. skates next to me and shorts a laugh. “You’re still mean to Steven aren’t you?” P.K. asks “Well someone has to be mean to him.” I say skating away from the pair backwards “It was nice to briefly talk to you Sid.” I say skating over to Auston.

“If you get the second fastest shot I will literally kiss you right here on this ice in front of everyone.” Auston says “deal.” I respond and skate away “WAIT WHAT?” He yells but it’s too late I’m about to take my shots.

The first one registers at 97.2

Ovi’s first registers at 98.8

Steven’s first registers at 95.2

P.K.’s first registers at 95.5

Burns at 88.0

My second shot registers at 100.2

Ovi’s at 101.3

P.k.’s At 98.7

Steven’s at 95.9

Burns at 92.4

“HOLY SHIT NO WAY” I yell skating towards Auston, jumping into his arms “I HAVE THE THE SECOND FASTEST SHOT IN THE NHL” I continue as he spins me around. We forget we’re in an arena full of people who don’t know we’re dating and share a kiss, just like any other kiss with him. It’s passionate and sweet and soft and tastes like whatever flavor of Gatorade he was drinking moments before. The arena erupts in cheers and I hear Jack yell that Connor owed him $20. “I’m glad we did that.” I say “me too.” Auston says.

“Mama said

It's uphill for oddities

The stranger crusaders

Ain't ever wannabes

The weird and the novelties

Don't ever change

We wanted everything, wanted everything”

“THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS ARE HEADED TO THE PLAY OFFS!! I HOPE YOU STAND TO WITNESS THIS LEAFS FANS.” The announcer yells as we win the game because of my goal.

The buzz of the lights and the crowd and the team fuels a dream that every player dreams of and that I’m living. I’m the first female to play in the Stanley Cup playoffs.

“Stay up on that rise

Stay up on that rise and never come down

Stay up on that rise

Stay up on that rise and never come down”

“MARNER HOLD THEM OFF WE NEED TO FORCE GAME 7” I yell to Mitch as we skate across the ice, seconds counting down in the final period of the game. Mitch passes the puck and then it finds the back of the net. The goal horn going off the crowd going wild, us forcing a game 7.

“They say it's all been done but they haven't seen the best of me

So I got one more run and it's gonna be a sight to see”

“Aus, you still have my back right?” I ask hesitantly “Yeah, why wouldn’t I? He responds. “We pull Freddie, I’m gonna do something dumb and fuck up the whole game and the series for us.” I say quietly so our other teammates don’t here me. “You have one more run, one more period of the series to show them what your made of, you’ll be fine.” He says kissing my sweaty forehead “this period is gonna be a sight to see babe.” He says with a wink as we heard back out to the ice.

We have a minute left and coach pulled Freddie. Marchand has the puck and I was hot on his heels as he headed for our end of the ice. I saw him get ready to shoot the puck and I made a rash decision, I dove in front of the goal, trying to stop the puck like it’d do anything for us to win. I hit the ice with an oomph as the goal horn went off and then the buzzer for the time. The cheering of the Boston’s fans was a blow to the heart, causing tears to spill out of my eyes and onto the cold ice underneath me. I could’ve stopped the goal, I could’ve shown up today and actually played but I didn’t and we lost, all because of me. I hear the sound of skates making their way down the ice to my position, splayed across the blue of the goal.

“(Y/N) you’ve gotta get up, we have to shake hands still.” Auston says “it’s all my fault” I yell into the ice, making it slightly muffled. “No it’s not, we’re a team” he says helping me up now seeing the tears on my face. “Don’t touch them, leave them, I don’t fucking care anymore.” I say skating away from him and to the line up to shake hands. I’m bitter till the end but say good game to every player and the coaches congratulating them on the win. Marchand pulls me aside.

“Good game kid, you’re a heck of a player ya know?.” He says “thanks man.” I say putting on a fake smile “don’t let the losses get to you, you’ll get the dream you’re looking for one day. I promise.” He says and skates away. I head towards the locker room, letting out a scream of defeat on the way. I clean up and head for media.

“So (Y/N) how did you feel out there tonight?” A reporter asks. I don’t have a filter when I’m upset so everything is about to be filterless. “I felt like I didn’t show, I feel like I was sitting on the couch at home. I played pretty bad but the rest of the boys played great.” I say “are you blaming this game on yourself?” Another asks “yeah I am because we at least could’ve lost with some dignity when I slid across the goal mouth but I wasn’t fast enough, we lost without dignity because I didn’t hit the ice fast enough.” I say glumly. “You still beat the odds of making it to the NHL, do you have high hopes for next season?” I’m asked “yeah I do have high hopes for next season because that’s all I’m made of. But for now it’s off to Tampa to watch my brother.” I say as the reporters thank me for my time. I get up and walk back into the locker room, Auston, Freddie, Willy and Mitch all sit in their lockers, they’re the only four there besides me. “Ya know Stammer we didn’t know what to think when you joined the team.” Freddie says “but what you did today to save some dignity for us is First star worthy.” He says as he pats me on the shoulder and leaves. “You remind me of my brother and sisters. Strong willed and not willing to give anything up.” Willy says following what Freddie did “but we’re a team we aren’t letting you take this all yourself.” He finishes and leaves the room. “We got your back Stam you know we do. We’re with you till the end of the line each season.” Mitch says hugging me and leaving me just Auston in the locker room. He comes towards me, wrapping me in a hug, arms around my waist, my head buried in his chest and the sobs start again. “I just wanted to prove that I could win a cup” I say through the sobs “you will.” He says rubbing my back. “I looked like a fool sliding across the ice, I wouldn’t have stopped that puck and if I did I would’ve broken a rib or two.” I sob into his chest. “Eh who cares if you looked like a fool, you have the second fastest shot in the NHL and I’ve done some pretty foolish things. I bet your brother will do something foolish sometime this post season too.” He laughs as he plays with the ends of my braids then goes to speak again, “It doesn’t matter whether you looked like a fool, played bad or didn’t play at all I still have high hopes for you and I always will.”

#hockey #nhl #tampa bay lightning #toronto maple leafs #auston matthews #auston matthew imagine #steven stamkos #hockey imagines #nhl imagines #panic! at the disco #high hopes #this is a great concept #thundersstruck masterlist

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themisfitthrone · 6 years

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i was tagged in 3 tag games in the last day or so and instead of making 3 separate posts in which i tag much of the same people, i decided to consolidate. i love you all who tagged me.

uh....idk if i have anyone to tag? you guys kind of covered everyone i WOULD tag. i guess @flowerparrish, @colormekorrasami, @jordanetalaredead, @megayest, @twin-ace, @lakesandquarries, @peachy-shrimp, and @hotdamnlookatthispan.... if any of these look interesting, you should totally do them!

okay everything under the cuuuuut

tag game number one: tagged by the sweetest human, @carrie-frances

what’s your favourite song(s) to sing/hum? this is a tough one? currently i’ve been singing You by Keaton Henson a lot and also Ophelia by The Lumineers. Let Her Go by Passenger is another goodie for singing lately. Oh and Lost Boy!!!! by Ruth B.

what’s your favourite flower/tree/plant? I love nature wow. My favorite tree is definitely a Weeping Cherry Tree or Willow. My favorite flowers are sunflowers and roses! Plants in general, I just really love cacti? It’s a product of having family I adore in Arizona haha

what do you always doodle? hm... cats, mostly

how do you take your tea/coffee? With plenty of splenda and some milk

favourite candle scent? Vanilla, mostly. just sweet things

what perfume do you wear? body sprays from bath and bodyworks, usually vanilla or peach

what’s your go-to dance move when you’re alone? i have zero clue haha

favourite quote? i don’t know off of the top of my head! perhaps the one i have tattooed, from star wars. “luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.”

favourite self care routine? putting on good smelling lotions. reading a book. snuggling oliver. calling someone i love.

fuzzy socks or house slippers? both! but mostly fuzzy socks

what colour are your eyes? just plain ole brown

what’s your favourite eye colour on others? idk? i think blue or green but i adore brown eyes on everyone

favourite season? why? autumn, i like the colors and the clothes and the smells

cheek, neck or nose kisses? cheek! but the real MVP are forehead ones

what does your happy place look like? the beach but without all the people. or a quiet forest with light filtering in

favourite breed of dog? i’ve always loved boxers the most, and cavaliers

do you ever want to be married? if so, what colours would you pick for your wedding theme? yes, i think i do? i don’t know what colors, it’s always changing. i think it depends on the person i’m with because their input would matter. i’d want the colors to be whatever colors they think of when they see me and vice versa

cursive or print? it’s a solid mix but mostly print

favourite weather? raining and warm, but not thundering

tag game number two: tagged by the amazing @dancyon

— What was your last…

1. Drink: iced tea

2. Phone call: my aunt calling with some hard news

3. Text message: my aunt with an update

4. Song you listened to: love me by the 1975

5. Time you cried: yesterday and i’m gonna cry later today @ love, simon

6. Dated someone twice: yeah

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: for sure

8. Been cheated on: by two different people, apparently im easy to cheat on

9. Lost someone special: sadly, i’ve lost a few

10. Been depressed: lmao got that good good depression goblin

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: god yeah whoops sorry friends

— Fave colours

12. purple (any shade really)

13. blue (any shade really)

14. soft yellow

— in the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: ahhhh!!!! yes i have ♥

16. Fallen out of love: hhhhhhhhhh

17. Laughed until you cried: probably

18. Found out someone was talking about you: oh yeah

19. Met someone who changed you: yeah, in more ways than one

20. Found out who your friends are: idk???? kinda yeah

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: uh i think i have my ex still

— General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: majority

23. Do you have any pets: my boy @ollycat and then my dogs and cats @ my parents house

24. Do you want to change your name: i actually did but now i’m back to my birthname bc being NB is one big ???? of what do i want��

25. What did you do for your last birthday: oh shit well w my friends i got drunk on rum, dressed up like a pirate, and played d&d. and then fam was the usual cheesecake factory adventure

26. What time did you wake up today: uh around 8 something officially?

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i think i fell asleep before midnight? if not i was watching Critical Role

28. What is something you can’t wait for: my next tattoo!!

30. What are you listening to right now: just the sounds of my grandparents house

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I have an ex named Tom and a Grandpa named Tom

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: just like....everything about this breakup and stuff i guess

33. Most visited website: god uh...tumblr and twitter????

34. Hair colour: naturally a dark brown with some reddish in it. it’s currently died as close as possible to that

35. Long or short hair: medium?

36. Do you have a crush on someone: no currently i’m avoiding all romance like the fucking PLAGUE

37. What do you like about yourself: i’m pretty tenacious

38. Want any piercings: nah, i’m more the tattoo type

39. Blood type: ..............why

40. Nicknames: bird, birb, kbird, kbirb, broseidon

41. Relationship status: single

42. Sign: aries

43. Pronouns: they/them

44. Fave tv show: on air right now it’s b99 and the good place. in general, buffy and gilmore girls

45. Tattoos: i currently have 6 and i want sooooo many more

46. Right or left handed: left!!!!

47: Ever had surgery: tonsils and stomach yeah

48. Piercings: none

49. Sport: none currently but football (soccer) will always have my heart

50. Vacation: currently in arizona!! i’ve been all over though, i miss mexico a lot

51. Trainers: what does this....mean....like.....shoes???????

— More general

52. Eating: currently nothing?

53. Drinking: iced tea currently

54. I’m about to watch: LOVE, SIMON AGAIN BITCH!!!!!!!

55. Waiting for: life to feel right

56. Want: a nap, like always

57. Get married: okay your answer of “if i get past my commitment issues and find someone that loves me, sure” was fucking perfect

58. Career: teacher!

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs

60. Lips or eyes: eyes

61. Shorter or taller: taller

62. Older or younger: older

63. Nice arms or stomach: arms

64. Hookup or relationships: relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: nope

67. Drank hard liquor: hell yeah

68.Turned someone down: in high school yeah. and like once in college

69. Sex on first date: ........im an ace baby

70: Broken someone’s heart: supposedly

71. Had your heart broken: mhmmmm

72. Been arrested: nah, just brought home by cops

73. Cried when someone died: yeah, i cry at everything but especially death

74. Fallen for a friend: ..........only friends tbh

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: trying to? cullen says my heart’s vibranium

76. Miracles: some days i do

77. Love at first sight: probably not, i used to though

78. Santa Claus: not anymore

79. Angels: i’d like to

— Misc

80. Eye colour: brown!

81. Best friends name: i mean..... jenny, ellie, michelle, and cullen? plus like max and jor, of course

82. Favourite movie: i guess the princess bride is the Most Favorite of All

83. Favourite actor: my MAIN MAN, hugh jackman

84. Favourite cartoon: danny phantom right now

85. Favourite teacher’s name: in HS it was mrs haley and in college it was dr trainor....grad school so far it’s been jen lynady

final tag game: tagged by the cutest, @blurredmxnds

bold the statements that are true

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory (lmao about some things???)

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year (on and off)

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close to my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the United States

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have at least 15 CDs (somewhere in my things)

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now (i JUST ended my thing w this)

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone (just a toe)

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year

#tag games #was uscjean #about the blogger

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ultraviolencced · 6 years

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y’all

i’ve got some shit to say so yeah

so i haven’t been on in a long time bc 1. i got bored and 2. my physical health has been getting a lot worse so i just didn’t care about keeping up with this shit i’ve been more focused on trying to do real life things that make me happy and occupy my time just bc getting so sick has just really changed my perspective on things. my lupus is still bad and other things have been going wrong like i don’t eat ever i literally cant keep anything down, have lost a lot of weight and have been in the hospital a few times and a few weeks ago had emergency surgery, the lupus and the meds are starting to make my hair fall out which is just fanfuckingtastic so my body pretty much hates me and is trying to kill me. so that’s whats going on with my health. my mental health has been a little better tho so thats good.

if you’ve been following me for a while you know what a clusterfuck my blog is there’s no set theme and that’s pretty much gonna stay the same, mostly shit posting with some music stuff but there are gonna be some changes that a lot of people prolly wont like so if you dont like some of the stuff im gonna post more about you can totally unfollow me dont worry about me getting sad about it its okie dokie. im not gonna worry about upsetting people with vegan/animal rights posts anymore, its a huge and important part of my life and who i am and its important for me to talk about it and expose these horrible animal industries. for some reason everyone on this website is all about social justice and equality except when it comes to animal rights specifically veganism. like its worse on here than on facebook where theres a ridiculous amount of trolls and people who work in those industries. fuckers on here always try to attack vegans and justify murdering animals by saying “well you eat produce what about those workers” like assflash newshole you eat produce too PLUS eat murdered animals and completely ignore the humans exploited in animal agriculture specifically (mostly poc). its also ruining our planet and thats kind of an important thing to focus on and people need to be aware of it. so i will probably be posting more and not filtering it to just nice things like cute animal pics. i will always tag all of my vegan posts with vegan stuff and if there is any kind of animal cruelty in the post i will always tag it with animal cruelty.

next thing i will probably post more about is true crime. listen up fucks its not that fucked up bullshit where idiots make flower crown edits of murderers like thats some weird fucked up shit and that is not what this is. I DO NOT CONDONE ANY CRIMES I MIGHT POST ABOUT ESPECIALLY SERIAL KILLERS (the types of crimes i find the most fascinating) but just because it interests me does not mean im ok with it or idolize these people the way some weirdos on here do. i have always been interested in criminology and psychology, and lately i’ve been getting more into it. im even going to add a minor in psychology starting next year. i will try my best to avoid any graphic crime scene photos but i cant guarantee it. all true crime posts will be tagged true crime.

those changes are only gonna be small like i said its gonna pretty much stay the same shitty content it is right now but because of things that have changed in my life im not going to censor my blog or not talk about my interests bc it offends other people, i want to do things that make me happy and that i like regardless of what people on here think and the fact i might lose followers bc of this. i do love each and every one of you and appreciate everything all of you have ever done or said to me and i really mean that, you guys have helped me through some shit. i might change my url so people dont follow expecting a twenty one pilots specific blog but idk yet. and idk how active im gonna be probably still not gonna be a lot but whenever i am on there will be some different content.

also go reblog my last selfie post with colin and kirstin bc we cute af and i love those two people more than anything in the whole world and they have made my life worth living and idk what i would do without them they’ve helped me so much so reblog it and follow kirstin @clearlytyler bc she’s an actual angel

#its pretty much an update on my shitty situation and blog changes #shut up taylor #and u should go reblog my last selfies lmao #was spookyjim-joshua

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incessantcomposition · 6 years

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Tagged by: the homie Chrys ( @infinitestarsinthenightsky)

Nicknames: Sal, Saleelee, SaSa, Lin Lin/Lum Lum Gender: Female Sign: Taurus Height: 5'5~5'6 Time: 8:19 pm Birthday: April 29 Favourite band: At the moment it's Day6 lol Favourite solo artist: Probably Tanya Chua, Hebe Tien, Deserts Chang or Chen Li (ppl that do Indie Pop-Rock) Song stuck in my head: The Black Skirts - Hollywood Last movie I watched: Honestly I don't remember... Last show I watched: Catching up with Legal Mavericks When I created my blog: First year of HS so back in...2010? What I post:A mess of things?? I contemplate whether I should just make sideblogs to filter content but I also think it's too late at this point. Last thing I Googled: Jaebum's soundcloud Do I have any other blogs: main (flower/poems) @amelioratedays, day6 sideblog @cupcakesungjin, soft blog @saturninestars, pastel blog @hiraeth-minds, not my blog but part of @7fics Do I get asks:Yep but lately I've been getting messages more instead of asks, which is great bc I never know if I can publish non-anon asks. Why did I choose my url: Back when I was still a motivated writer :') good days Following: ~120 Followers: ~2k Average hours of sleep: SIKE I DON'T GET ANY (lol probably ~ 3hrs) Lucky number: 2 Instruments I can play: There used to be a time when I played the flute What I’m wearing: Pajama pants and an old tee Dream job: Something with writing I guess but I'm not pursuing it so :/ Dream trip: Food Tour w/ friends!!! Favourite food: Thick Noodles and boiled dumplings I love iT Nationality: Chinese American Favourite song: Currently it's Song of One-Sided Love by Tanya Chua. Last book I read: The Things You Can Only See When You Slow Down by Haemin Sunim Top 3 fictional universes I’d want to live in: Novoland, Chinese Paladin Land (whichever series it maybe), Idk which verse Lost Love In Time was in but that. (magical realism is just my jam i love xianxia verse)

Tagging: @monaut @tearyxz @littlecloverstar @limwoohyuk

#tagged #srry it's late ; o;

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heartbroken-ghost · 4 years

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What the fuck is even the point in trying to get better? My life has really been no better than it was. I quit cutting and starving myself and purging and medications and got a new therapist I like and started talking to friends again and just ended up with the same bullshit I've always experienced. Why even try anymore, seriously?

My therapist doesn't want me working, disability doesn't pay enough for the cost of living here unless I want to live in fucking student housing when I'm not a student and I don't just want a tiny ass room, I don't seem to do better when I live on my own, I can't fucking drive right now or be sure that if I started again that it'd even work out well for me, I don't have friends I can live with, my therapist basically confirmed that my parents are abusive at least sometimes, if I don't move in with them I'm risking being homeless in the fucking brutal ass winter here, shelters are packed in the winter and I have too much stuff to move into one anyways and they only let you stay for a month at a time, my only other option where there isn't a waiting list was my friend's house but her mom is also on assistance so if I move in there she could lose money or both of us could, working could help somewhat but my new therapist is saying she doesn't think I should be working and so are my friends, my mom said she would want me to live with her but she's literally more abusive than my dad and my stepmom and loves to gaslight me constantly, rent continues to rise so I'm fucked, and literally I was at the point of being stable enough to clean fucking dishes and be keeping down my food while still losing weight in a healthy and actually unintentional way, one of my friends that probably would've let me stay with her died on my dad's birthday this year, a mutual friend her and I had is in the fucking hospital unable to even keep her meds down, my mom called me about her will and her dying is one of my worst fears (probably because how she used to threaten to kill herself if I left her house when I was a child) and also I feel like I broke this stupid unrealistic promise I made to myself as a child to fix or help her and I know she'll probably die with her and I being on somewhat shitty terms still, I've asked literally almost everybody I can think of to live with them and I can't, my heart is still broken from a guy I love that went back to his girlfriend and I'm not even sure if things I thought have been true this past year hasn't all just been some huge delusion of mine. Why try to get better when shit just keeps fucking happening? I'm 21, on disability for things my parents think are pretty much not even real or are just me exaggerating, I don't even know my actual limitations, like fuck man. I can't even talk or write without my brain being scattered as fuck and losing what I'm trying to say or my original point... This is just total shit man like I literally have no idea what to do and I don't even really want to post this but I just need to write this down somewhere where people I know won't see it so I can get this shit off my chest and I'm hoping that maybe one day I can just look back at this shit and it won't be an issue and that I'll be able to fucking survive. I just don't even see the point in trying anymore and I feel like I did the best I could or at least almost did. I don't even trust myself anymore or know what to believe.

I was in therapy for years to no avail, then tried healing on my own and got somewhere with it but man. I stopped working 3 years ago because I legitimately couldn't handle it anymore so I basically had a mental breakdown after working for 4 months, ended up in a psychiatric ward for 5 months (at which point my dad and stepmom said they couldn't really handle living with me anymore so:) then I moved into a grouphome, then I had my first manic psychotic episode where I set my fucking clothes on fire and went off a shit ton of meds, I moved in with my mom after then attempted suicide and almost died (sometimes I still just wish I had) and survived that, then started doing drugs because I felt so low I felt like I either had to start doing drugs or kill myself successfully (and I didn't want to risk putting my family and my damn self even through another failed one), I was in group therapy then fucking quit impulsively (at least I don't entirely regret that now), then I got clean after my friends and brother (I think with his ex Baylee as well) gave me an intervention and I quit crack cocaine cold turkey, I stopped cutting minus a small relapse last year when I lived with my mom (living with her always seems to end badly), and purging and meds (which I would intentionally overdose on last year), and I've been clean almost entirely from everything this year with the exception of ocassionally drinking and smoking cigarettes and doing 2 lines of coke once (I don't even remember if that was this year or last year at this point), I moved all the fuck over the place, lost my fucking cat (didn't entirely take proper care of him anyways so I guess it's fine? But I still miss him..), when I lived with my dad and stepmom again early this year after pretty much getting myself kicked out of my mom's for expressing discomfort, I tried to take a medication for aggression and symptoms of something like delirium and became overmedicated/had a negative reaction to the haldol, then moved into the apartment I now have to be out of within 2 months (if not less now) which had 2 fucking huge leaks that caused issues between my landlord and I (who just lost her mother recently and possibly also her father so her last priority is helping me which at this point I don't even really want her to do anyways because she's been pretty damn cool with me seeing as I couldn't pay for any damages), I've also never gotten sick this many times within a fucking year or so, can't seem to move on from a person I'll probably never actually get to be with because they love their current girlfriend too much and have been on and off with them for years and I scare them and might fucking be delusional anyways about them even saying they'd be with me (long story I'm not gonna get into if anybody is even reading this - like I said, I just need to vent).. It's just like fucking endless. What the fuck has 2019 even been other than an awful year AGAIN (love that! .... The passive aggression is real but anyways) like people say it gets better

But does it really?

I'd like to fucking see that happen. I thought it did and maybe I'm just having a negative filter and shit right now but I swear I'm just back in the exact same place I used to be.

I cry a little less at least and have a stable source of income and if I'm not delusional then at least I'm cared for (idk about loved but who knows anymore), and at least I lost weight and have a therapist I like a lot better than my previous ones

But like... man. I really don't blame myself at this point for still smoking cigarettes and at least I haven't been back to a psychiatric ward since last year. There's still improvement, just with all the fucking curveballs I've been thrown this year I'm not exactly steady by any means. When people have asked for the past couple of months how I'm doing I just say "could be better, could be worse" or "I don't know" and it still applies.

I just don't know or seem to understand almost anything anymore. Like how did it even get like this? All I've been fucking wanting is to heal and maybe it's just that it's not linear and I need to be more grateful but god damn, again I really don't blame myself.

I'm just at one of those points where recovery feels pointless and I feel hopeless.

My therapist said before that it's just depression clouding my judgement but man don't I have a right to feel like this after all of that? I think so. She'd (my therapist) probably agree but anyways I don't even really know what my point was. I'm just stressed, sad again and it feels lately like I'm exactly where I used to be. This is probably why I used to live according to the motto "hope for the best but expect the worst".

I just want to do and feel and be better.

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floofyeol · 7 years

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WIP Tag

I was tagged by the lovely @vonseok!!

I have so many unfinished drafts in google docs tbh..and Idk if i’m going to continue them all. So I’m gonna post some stuff that I think I might post someday?? Idk man I’m so undecisive...

how to kill a man

genre: au, fluff, angst

summary: how do you kill a man, you ask? give him the one person he could love more than anyone or anything, and tell him he can’t love them.

I’ve never hated anything before. But now I know I’ll never hate anything else as much as I hate what life has made us to be. Ever since that day we were on the beach—the sand in your hair, waves washing between your feet, and my fingers filling the space between your fingers my hands are meant to hold yours, I’ve never been more sure of anything else and the sunset as our witness.

I was 22 and in love.

You were 19 when you told me you were too.

But now you’re 21 without me by your side.

I’m 24 and slowly dying inside.

— Not a day goes by where I stopped thinking of you. I am incomplete and lost and scared, and gosh I really need you but I can’t stay with you Kim Taehyung

the crack of a door

genre: neighbor!au, fluff, slight angst

summary: [Name] can’t stand summer, or its heat. when she opens her door in hopes to make her apartment cooler, she didn’t think the neighbor adjacent to her will do too. and so, their opened doors became the stepping stone as they got to know each other. he’s loud and funny, with a really cute dog and great taste in music. that’s all that he is, she says. that is, until his door closes on her.

Now, it all began on the first week of this year’s summer. The sweltering heat created a rather stuffy atmosphere that neither apartment neighbor can bear. She was the first to think of opening the door and inviting the fresh air in her apartment.

Chanyeol just happened to pass by one day while her door was open, stinky and sticky after a day outside with his friends. He too desired fresh air, and as one door open, so did the other just across from it. Pretty soon, they could hear each other’s music and little hums playing from across them, then the small exchange of quips and comments started, quickly followed by shy flirting and jokes. And now, entering the first month of summer, they have established themselves as more than just neighbors.

“Sure thing, Chanyeol.” She smiles, playing along with his little game.

Though there’s a distance between them as they filter through each other’s lives in their respective apartments, Chanyeol can still spot the smile she’s trying to hide. His one eyebrow is drawn up, confused, but in a pleasant way, at the way she smiles.

“Well, someone’s in an awfully good mood. And as I recall it, it’s summer, so something must be up for you to be smiling like that at—” he glances at the clock hanging on his wall, “10 AM? Wow.” He chuckles when she turns to him with a less than pleased frown.

Though he’s right, [Name] doesn’t need to further inflate his ego or make her growing crush on him more apparent. So she can only flip him off with a stick of his tongue.

the bones beneath your skin

genre: bodyguard!au, fluff, angst

summary: do kyungsoo is cursed with never being able to feel someone else’s skin under his touch without decreasing their life span. it’s not a surprise that he’s distant, cold, and has an odd taste for thick and black clothing which he always wear (even in summer). when he got a job as an actress’ bodyguard, he realizes his mistake too late when she began harboring an obvious crush on him, and his lonely heart inevitably reciprocates her.

“Hey, Kyungsoo.” As he raises an eyebrow in response, [Name] thinks.

He is comparable to the many other actors she’s had the pleasure of working with: plump heart shaped lips, a set of stone cold gaze under undeniably gorgeous eyes, distinctive facial features that while not perfect, still is to die for, and a voice that entails all the good dreams she’s ever had.

She’s being dramatic, yes, but it’s not as if none of it are true.

“You’re staring.”

His eyes are still on the magazine pages. But the way his adam’s apple bob and his fingers fidget as he pinches the corner of the page makes her wonder if he’s really been reading or just looking for a reason not to look at her.

“So? I’m not invading your space, though.” She reasons with a smile that’s so amused at how awkward he seems, reading in the corner of the room, pinned by her stare.

Kyungsoo’s shoulders are drawn back and stiff, his fingers crumple the pages he was pinching before finally he lands his half-hearted glare on her.

Still have so much to do for school..so Idk if any of these will be posted soon..haha...

I’m going to tag @jeonseok @zephyoongist @taesthetes (cat we haven’t talked in forever omg, idek if i deserve to tag you..) @jngukie

#larants #tags

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