#idk how graphic i can get on here but i remember the rotting so so vividly

[feeling-kinda-sad-ngl]

i woke up from a nightmare and i javent remembered anyvdream for a pretty good while now but omg i can see the ending so perfectly

i think what ended up waking me was the scared noise i made in real life lol it was like a whimper crying scared loud noise and it woke me up right before i saw the bodys face turning to look at me

[crystalstar8]

Knights of the Night (ch 12)

Chapter 12

Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5, ch 6, ch 7, ch 8, ch 9, ch 10, ch 11, ch 12

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139240/chapters/71536491

pairing: Jungkook x oc

genre: vampire au, college au, twilight, romance

word count: 1,568

warnings: blood (obviously), kidnapping, child kidnapping, needles, France

notes: vampires, vampire au, college, college au, so many twilight references, blood, needles, kidnapping, children, homelessness, dance, ballet, flashbacks, romance, slow burn, probably no smut, idk yet tho, France, French things, attempted genocide, inaccurate French history, bisexual main character, @strawberriewithchocolate-blog @mozy-j  @daechwitad-2​ @zobadak​​

summary: Catalina starts college in a small town all the way across the country. She doesn’t know anyone and isn’t exactly looking for friends. She just wants to focus on dance. But when she meets fellow dance major, Jimin, and adventurous, fellow freshman, Jungkook, Catalina ends up discovering a whole new side to the small college town; one that is dangerous but oh so enticing…

tw: graphic depictions of violence, death, mentions of suicide, possession

                “Where to start?” he asked. “I was…the son of a king. My life was pretty strict but I had this group of friends. We were all scholars, but when we met in secret, we liked to play with things like witchcraft and necromancy. We wanted to summon something, I don’t even remember what we wanted to summon, maybe someone who had power to give us something. Anyway, we planned it for a long time, and then we went to the woods and did this elaborate ritual. We made a human sacrifice, a woman who served in the palace. I remember her, she was terrified. I didn’t feel bad about it though. I was… cold and apathetic back then, but I still remember her face. After we slit her throat and drained her blood, we set fire to her and all the other ingredients. And then a woman came from…”

               Yoongi narrowed his eyes and looked to the ceiling, as if struggling to remember.

               “She came from the woods? Or…No, she was standing in our circle. But I think she came from the woods. She was a demon. Her eyes were bright and hard to look at, and the way her body moved seemed unnatural.”

               “She was probably just some kind of witch,” said Namjoon. “Demons aren’t real.”

               “I know what witches are like, my friends and I were witches,” said Yoongi. “She was definitely not human. Not a vampire either. She was not like anything I’ve ever encountered since – I’m getting off track, we’re not having this conversation, Joon-ah!”

               Namjoon chuckled and held up his hands. “Fine, fine.”

               “Anyway, she asked who our leader was and they all pointed to me,” Yoongi continued. “Then she asked me what I wanted, or what I most desired, or something like that. I said I wanted eternal life. She just smiled and said that my wish was granted. A day or so later, I started feeling this thirst, this painful, painful thirst. I tried everything, then I realized what I wanted. I started taking blood from the servants in the palace, and my family hid me from the public. They all hid my secret because I needed to take the throne when my father died. But my family was scared because they thought it was a curse. That it might be bad for the kingdom once I took over. I didn’t even really care about taking the throne anymore, or maybe humanity in general stopped being interesting to me, but whatever it was, I left my city and started travelling and living on my own. I might have been trying to find the demon again, I knew she was still wandering around, but it took me several years to find her. It was when I came back to my city and found out that she had taken over the body of my sister, killing the rest of my family and taking the throne. I knew it was her because her eyes were the same and she moved the way she did in the woods that day, but it was unnerving to see it on my sister’s body. It was… difficult to see my family the way they were. She had left them in the palace to rot. There was no staff, just her. I never felt close with my family, but I was alone without them.

               “I asked her what she did to me and she told me that she gave me a great gift, that she gave me eternal life. I told her to take it back but she just laughed. I ran away again and was living in the wilderness for years, feeding off of travelers. I was just wandering for so long and it was miserable. I wanted to die, but nothing I tried would work. A few years passed and then I went over to America for a change of scenery. Then I met Namjoon and Taehyung and I moved in. I even checked on my old palace to see if my stuff was still there. It was, so I had it shipped here. I’d say it’s still in pretty good shape after all this time.”

               “And by ‘a few years’, he means one thousand years,” said Hoseok. “When were you born? Two-hundred B.C.?”

               Yoongi shrugged. “I have no idea. Something like that.”

               Despite how disturbed Catalina was by his story, she found it incredibly fascinating. Yoongi must have seen the disturbed faces of the humans in the room because he sat up and said, “I’m not like that anymore. These guys taught me humanity and empathy or whatever.”

               “Okay, Hoseok. Your turn,” Jimin said with a grin.

               “Me? I already told you everything there is to know!” he said. “Born in the 70s, turned in the 90s, I was a broke college student, but then I had to drop out.”

               “This is all we know too,” said Namjoon with a wave of his hand. “He doesn’t like talking about it.”

               “Yeah, we can talk about something else,” said Hoseok. “Like, you guys. What do you all plan on doing after school?”

               “I want to work L.A.,” said Jimin. “I want to dance in movies and music videos. Maybe be a choreographer for stuff like that.”

               “Ooohh,” Hoseok exclaimed. “That would a lot of fun! I would do that.”

               “We can both dance in L.A.!” said Jimin.

               “Gukkie, what about you? What do you want to do after you graduate?” Catalina asked.

               “I have no idea,” he said, laughing. “I like film, but I’ve already changed my major three times, so who knows what will happen with that.”

               “What were your previous majors?” she asked.

               “Dance, fine arts, political science, and now film,” he said, listing them off of his fingers. Catalina’s eyebrows raised.

               “Political science?” she asked.

               “Heh, yeah, it was too hard though,” he said. “I don’t like school enough for something like that. I kept failing my classes that semester. What about you? Do you have plans after school?”

               Jungkook played with the end of her braid as he asked.

               “Um, long term plans, I don’t really know,” said Catalina. “But my dream is to perform in a ballet in France. I hope I can go there and audition after I graduate.”

               “You will, you’re really good,” said Jungkook. Catalina blushed and looked away before she did something crazy, like jumping him in front of everyone.

               “Thank you,” she said.

               “Why did you come all the way out here for college though?” Jimin asked. “You have huge schools in Michigan, and really good performing arts schools in Chicago.”

               “Ah, I think I just needed a change,” said Catalina. “I needed to get away. I miss my mom, but I didn’t like my friends there, I didn’t like my town, and ever since I came out as bisexual, my mom had been acting weird-“

               “No wonder you, Jungkook and Jimin all get along!” Jin interrupted. “Birds of a feather!”

               “Whoa, Jin! So, we’re just outing everyone now?” Jungkook exclaimed. Jimin sighed and rolled his eyes.

               “It’s fine, I already knew about you,” Catalina said, patting Jungkook’s thigh.

               “I never told you though,” he said.

               “Jungkook, what was the first thing you noticed about Namjoon?” Catalina asked.

              Jungkook blushed and said, “Thighs.”

              Catalina raised an eyebrow. Namjoon looked up with wide eyes.

              “Plus, I know you knew it was gonna rain during the baseball game. That’s why you had everyone wear white shirts,” said Catalina.

               “That was for you too,” he said with a smirk.

               “It was definitely for both of us,” said Catalina, making him laugh. “I appreciate it though.”            

               “I know,” he said, slipping an arm around her waist. “I saw the way you were looking at me.”

               “Okay, I’m about to puke,” said Jimin. “Jimmy K, hurry up and talk about yourself before these two get out of hand.”

               Jimmy K chuckled and said, “Well, I’m working on my Masters in Astrophysics, and after grad school, I hope to work for NASA.”

               “Jungkook said you were a ‘former bad boy’?” Catalina asked, laughing. “What did that mean?”

               “During high school, I used to cause a lot of trouble in this town I guess,” said Jimmy K. “The police chief was my arch nemesis, but now I work with him.”

               “Wow, so cool,” Catalina said, sighing dreamily. Jungkook snorted beside her. Jimmy K threw her a wink.

               “I already know what Jin is gonna do after college so no need to share-“ Jungkook began.

               “Jungkook, you brat! I know what you’re gonna say!” Jin said, pointing a finger at him.

               “What?”

               “You were gonna say that I’m gonna be a housewife and stay-at-home mom,” Jin said.

               “Hey, you said it, not me,” said Jungkook. Jin took off his slipper, got up, walked over, and swatted Jungkook over the head with it. Jungkook leapt to his feet and chased after him.

               “He’s getting his teacher’s license,” said Jimmy K.

               “You want to be a teacher?” Namjoon asked. Jin shoved Jungkook off of him and sat back down. Jungkook dropped back into his spot next to Catalina.

               “Yeah, I want to teach elementary,” said Jin.

               “Oh god, good luck,” Yoongi mumbled.

               “Well, you better hurry up,” said Jungkook. “Your youth is fading away quickly.”

               Jin grabbed a nearby pillow and threw it at him. Jungkook retaliated and soon, the whole room erupted into a pillow fight.

[strangeandforlornbooks]

best books with morally ambiguous narrators!

all y’all’s problematic faves and villains! :) also included are third person narrators but in books with morally ambiguous leads/themes 

Sci-fi

Scythe by Neal Shusterman: in a future free from pain, disease, and war, people can live forever. ‘scythes’ are given the power to decide who lives and who dies to preserve the balance. sad and kinda gives of hunger games vibes, if you like that.

Neuromancer by William Gibson: basically invented the cyberpunk genre. strange and removed protagonists. (a team of computer hackers have to face off against an evil AI). you kind of dislike everyone and suddenly you’re crying over them. one of those trippy sci-fi classics.

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut: very beautiful and very very sad (same author as slaughterhouse five). the richest man in america has to face a martian invasion. more about free will and bad people doing good things than a plot that makes any kind of sense.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick: set in an alternate universe where the germans and japanese won world war two. not really like the tv show at all- it’s not an action story, and there’s not really the hope to somehow fix the world that drives a lot of dystopia stories. instead its about how people survive and connect to one another in a hopeless society.

The Scorpion Rules by Erin Bow: a supercomputer convinces the leaders of the world to keep the peace for hundreds of years by taking their children hostage and obliterating any city that disobeys. what happens to the hostage protagonists when war seems inevitable? lots of morally fraught decisions and characters slowly losing their identity. (plus a fun lesbian romance)

Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson: a brilliant mathematician and a dedicated marine fight to keep the ultra secret in world war two. fifty years later,  a tech company discovers what remains of their story. one of the most memorable sequences in the book is a japanese soldier slowly becoming disillusioned with his nation and horrified by the war even as he continues to fight.

Blade Runner by Philip K. Dick: another one of those sci-fi classics that’s not at all like the movie. there is a bounty hunter for robots, though, as well as a weird religion that probably is referencing catholicism and a decaying society with a shortage of pets. kind of a trip.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power: girls trapped in a boarding school on an isolated island must face a creeping rot that affects the animals and plants on the island as well as their own bodies. the protagonists will do anything to survive and keep each other safe. very tense (and bonus lesbian romance whoo)

The Fifth Season by N K Jemisin: three women are gifted with the ability to control the earth’s energy in a world where those who can do so are forced into hiding or slavery. some veryyyy dark choices here but lots of strong female characters.

Historical Fiction

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters: two victorian lesbians fall in love as they plot to betray each other in horrific ways. lots of plot twists, plucky thieves, gothic settings, and a great romance.

Quo Vadis by Henryk Sienkiwicz: a powerful roman soldier in the time of Nero plots to kidnap a young woman after he falls in love with her, only to learn more about the mysterious christian religion she follows. very melodramatic but some terrific prose. 

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr: a blind girl in France and a brilliant German boy recruited by the military struggle through the chaos of the second world war. ends with a bang (iykyk.) very sad, reads like poetry.

Boxers by Gene Luen Yang: graphic novel reveals the story of a young boy fighting in the boxer rebellion in early twentieth century china. the sequel, saints, is also excellent. beautifully and sympathetically shows the protagonist’s descent into evil- the reader really understands each step along the way.

Fantasy

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake: three triplets separated at birth, each with their own magical powers, have to fight to the death to gain the throne. lots of fun honestly

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo: everyone in these books is highly problematic but you love them all anyway. a ragtag game of criminals plan a heist on a magical fortress. some terrific tragic back stories, repressed feelings, and revenge schemes.

The Dark Tower series by Stephen King: idk how to describe these frankly but if you can put up with King’s appalling writing of female characters they’re pretty interesting. fantasy epic about saving the world/universe, sort of. cowboys and prophecies and overlapping dimensions and drug addicts galore.

The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud: lots of fun! a twelve year old decides to summon a demon for his cute lil revenge scheme. sarcastic demon narrator. lighthearted until s*** gets real suddenly.

Elegy and Swansong by Vale Aida: fantasy epic with machiavellian lesbians and enemies to lovers to enemies to ??? to lovers. charming and exciting and lovely characters.

The False Prince by Jennifer Nielsen: an orphan boy must compete with a few others for the chance to impersonate a dead prince. really dark but very tense and exciting and good twists.

The Grace of Kings by Ken Liu: fantasy epic. heroes overthrow an evil empire and then struggle as the revolution dissolves into warring factions. interesting world building and three dimensional characters, even if they only have a small part.

Circe by Madeline Miller: the story behind the witch who turns men into pigs in the odyssey. madeline miller really said, i just used my classics degree to write a beautiful gay love story and now im going to write a powerful feminist retelling because i can. queen. an amazing and satisfying book that kills me a lil bit because of the two lines referencing the song of achilles.

Heartless by Marissa Meyer: the tragic backstory for the queen of hearts in alice in wonderland. a little predictable but very fun with a compelling protagonist

A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) by George RR Martin: ok I know we all hate GRRM and rightfully so but admittedly these books do have some great characters and great scenes. they deserve better than GRRM though. also he will probably never finish the books anyway....

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket: not really fantasy but not really anything else either. plucky, intelligent, and kind children fight off evil plots for thirteen books until suddenly you realize the world is not nearly as black and white as you thought. 

Classics

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier: gothic romance!! a new wife is curious about the mysterious death of her predecessor in a creepy old house in the British countryside...good twists and lovely prose.

A Separate Peace by John Knowles: not really morally ambiguous but one awful decision suddenly has awful consequences and certain people are haunted by guilt forever.... really really really beautiful and really really really sad. boys in a boarding school grow up together under the shadow of world war two.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy: while imperial russia slowly decays a beautiful young woman begins a destructive affair. a long book. very russian. the ending is incredibly tense and well written.

Lord of the Flies by William Golding: I think you know the plot to this one. the prose is better than you remember and the last scene is always exciting.

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie: one by one, the guests on an island are slowly picked off. one of Christie’s darkest mysteries- no happy ending here! very tense and great twists.

Contemporary

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: inspired the whole dark academia aesthetic. college students get a little too into ancient greece and it does not end very well. lovely prose but I found the characters unlikable.

Honorable Mentions

The Dublin Saga by Edward Rutherford: has literally a billion protagonists, but some of them are morally ambiguous ig? follows a few families stories’ from the 400s ad to irish independence in the 20s. beautifully captures the weight and movement of irish history.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer: how morally ambiguous can you be if you’re, like, eleven? a lot if you’re a criminal genius who wants to kidnap a fairy for your evil-ish plan apparently!

Redemption by Leon Uris: literally my favorite novel ever. the sequel to Trinity but can stand alone. various irish families struggle through the horrors of world war one. the hero isn’t really morally ambiguous, but the main theme of the novel is extremely bad people suddenly questioning their choices and eventually redeeming themselves. sweeping themes of love, screwed up families, redemption, and patriotism.

The Lymond Chronicles and House of Niccolo by Dorothy Dunnett: heroes redeem themselves/try to get rich/try to save their country in early renaissance Europe. if I actually knew what happened in these books I'm sure it would be morally ambiguous but its too confusing for me. in each book you spend at least a third convinced the protagonist is evil, though. lots of exciting sword fights, tragic romances, plot twists, and kicking english butt.

Bonus: Protagonist is less morally ambiguous and more very screwed up and sad all the time

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt: you know this one bc its quoted in all those quote compilations. basically the story of how one horrible event traumatizes a young man and how he develops a connection to a painting. really really really good.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro: hard to describe but strange... not an action novel or a dystopia really but sort of along those lines. very hopeless.

[pumpkin-lith]

Clone Wars Saved...ish

What the hell did I just watch ?

Let’s start by saying that 1) spoilers alert, not necessarily coherent but definitely there, I’ll put on a read more, but unspoiled mobile users, just in case it fails, scroll by and 2) @norcumii had warned me. And yet I didn’t quite expect that because, how could more clones ever be bad !

Oh boy.

Thanks to @shadow-spires for being my emotional support watchbuddy. I needed it more than I thought I would and we’re only three episodes in.

Some context : I’ve watched... only a few episodes of the show before, despite probably being able to give you the plot of all 6 seasons and quote lines and scenes, thanks tumblr and my own love for clones. And I hadn’t really looked at the bad batch half-rendered episodes because I still had trouble with the graphics of the actually finished show, so...

But I was ready for this, for feels, for finding Echo again and, finally, get 66 and murdered by Dave Filoni. Set up a meeting time to watch some eps with shadowspires, fun when there is a twelve hours diff between us and here we go.

Let me tell you, there was a lot of yelling in all caps in the chat side bar...

Trying to keep mostly in order of the episodes :

- WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO KIX’S HAIR ? Why ? Why hair and no more tattoo ??? Is this supposed to be red corsair continuity ? But then WHY IS HE HERE AND NOT ALREADY ABDUCTED ? Is this merch reasons ?

- Two seconds in and WOW I hate the Bad Batch. And this does NOT get better. I’m really tired of the Muscle is Dumb trope, Tech is like a human C3PO which urgh but fine but then KEEP CONSTANT (this is going to be a major point of my yelling), if Hunter says you chatter all the time THEN DO but no, we won’t here a single random fact ever again for three episodes, and Crosshairs chats and snarks a LOT for someone ‘not talkative’. 

- Regs. FUCKING REGS, urgh, I hated that word the INSTANT it was said. Canon isn’t as heavily into the Vode An fanon loves, but WOW fuck that. Strike team or not, you’re not supermen, you have to rely on intel, be supplied, you’re not a bunch of mercenaries, you’re a MILITARY STRIKE TEAM, you must interact with regs a lot so it means you’re a bunch of condescending assholes ALL THE TIME.

-Also fuck 1) that team’s dynamics and 2) the “two teams do not get along” trope, fuck it with a SHOVEL.  1) You’re a Commando Team. In an army three years deep into war. You’re comrades and probably have save each other asses hundred of times. So why can’t you behave ? And I know people do not always get along, or even best friends sometimes irk each other, but, look, consistency, if you think you’re with lesser people because regs (can you tell I’m not over that either), you present a united front and you don’t bitch at your teammates in front of them. 2) YOU ARE MILITARY. Trained for 10+ years, there’s DISCIPLINE there, even a maverick strike team, when Cody is down, you OBEY THE SECOND IN COMMAND. I don’t care if you have a better plan, you TELL the officer, you don’t just tell him to shut up and watch. AND YOU DON’T GET AT EACH OTHER’S THROATS.

-Did I mention I hate everything about Dumb Violent Muscles unable to control himself or follow a plan ?

-Of course the one time we could see Cody in charge, he’s hurt and useless.

-WHY. IS. THE MEDIC. GOSSIPING. INSTEAD OF KEEPING WATCH OVER THE WOUNDED BROTHER ???

AND WHY DOES HE HAVE HAIR DAMMIT

-The tactics Mess out of order :  Why is nobody blowing stuff up, a group able to single handedly take on 100+ droids is getting pushed back by thirty later on, why not trap the outpost to blow up the incoming droids, the analytical droid cannot comprehend why the clones would leave the outpost while in full view of the cyber center and it has to be pointed out to him, WHY DID NOBODY TRAP THE FUCKING OUTPOST TO BLOW, why does the tech guy LITERALLY NAMED TECH doesn’t hide/erase what they did to the computer, why if he didn’t have time DIDN’T HE BLOW UP THE COMPUTER. 

-And for a plot point being “droids analyzes our tactics so we always have to change them”, it means that no one ever attacked a front door and drew all the droids there for a second team to sneak by the back door. Somehow.

Ep2 & 3 :

- Why is “this may or may not be Echo” matters on a tactical PoV ? I get the emotional one, of course, but having the Bad Batch question it at the beginning and later on starting a fight over it has no other reason than to go for another round of We Do Not Get Along Trope. The Seps have either a PoW or an Algorhythm allowing them to win battle, no matter what it is, you have to go and rescue/take it. WHY ARE YOU ARGUING.

- I know this is the funny part of ‘Anakin and Padmé are the less subtle ever’ and it was funny (I didn’t hate ALL of the episodes, see ?), but why is she explaining to Anakin why he fights three years into the war other than reminding the public, this is the LEAST EFFECTIVE PLAN ever to hide from Obi-Wan with Rex obviously standing guard.

-Not a critic, just fucking amused : if someone isn’t aware that Padmé and Anakin are a thing, there is a lot of subtext to thing Anakin and Rex have a hidden fling. I don’t even ship it and I could see it x)

- Tell Padmé I say hello. TELL PADME I SAY HELLO. Obi-Wan fucking KNOWS, maybe not the whole “married and pregnant” but hellooooo that was blantant cue that he’s aware they’re together, at the very least so very close friends that they sneak private calls during a siege if Anakin is really dense, we have ONSCREEN PROOF that Obi-Wan SAID OUT LOUD something about it and it makes Anakin thinking Obi-Wan doesn’t know and couldn’t understand in RotS even STUPIDER. Good job Anakin.

- This Galaxy has the most efficient Google Translate ever. Either it’s a known language of the planet you’re going to, and then by doing research amidst the prep to go to the planet everyone or at least Rex as Captain would put the translator to the spoken languages there on his helmet, or it’s an unknown one and yet with two sentences, Tech’s tech (urgh) is able to translate and analyses it well enough to speak it back to them. Wow. 

- WHY. IS. THE. JEDI. NOT. USING. THE. FORCE. You’ve worked with Echo before but there’s no mention or even trying to feel him, fine, better have another fight of whether or not he’s truly here, two droids manage to get the drop on you, two droids manage to get the drop on you AND SOMEHOW AREN’T IMMEDIATELY BISECTED, Two droids manage to get the drop on you, survive, AND GIVE YOU ENOUGH TROUBLE YOU NEED SOMEONE TO SHOOT ONE TO GET OUT OF IT. 

- Echo, my poor baby TnT I knew this was going to hurt, and it does, it does so much. 

-And we’re RIGHT BACK to full on rage rather fast. We go from “he’s so weak he can’t walk, he doesn’t remember anything after the Citadel, he’s so out of it he doesn’t know where he is and ‘notices’ Rex being here two or three times” to “He can walk, he can be yeeted into a vent, he can tightpole walk, he can shoot while standing, he knows the whole base’s blueprints and also all the Separatist’s database.” in like. Five minutes. CONSITENCY FOR FUCK’S SAKE. Why is no one carrying him, why don’t we even get a fucking HUG ?

-Why was everyone yeeted by Dumb Muscles WHEN WE HAVE A JEDI HERE. WHY STILL NO FORCE ??? Clone-yeeting is like Anakin’s favorite pastime, he should have thought of it FIRST, My Moment Has Come.

- Oh FUCK NO. WHY did you even GO BACK TO THE NATIVES’ VILLAGE ? You got dragons, you fly back to your ship that wasn’t damaged in anyway, you evac fast and clean, DONE ! Why go back ? Anakin even says that the Techno Union will strike for helping them BUT UNTIL YOU WENT BACK THEY DIDN’T KNOW THE NATIVES HELPED YOU ! They had no problems until now ! DON’T INVOLVE CIVILIANS ! If they had gone with the plot point of having the natives pick a side and be the ones to save them from that pole by flying to get them, then yes, totally, stay and help and defend them against the retaliation massacre ! But since they didin’t, do NOT go there and draw to them a retaliation massacre.

-FUCK that speech. Sorry Rex, but FUCK THAT. Again, civilians. You are supposed to be the GOOD GUYS trying to STOP THE WAR, not draw innocents into it when it could be avoided. AND THEN LEAVE WHEN YOU JUST TOOK DOWN ONE ATTACK AND THE TECHNO UNION WILL SURELY COME WIPE OUT THAT VILLAGE FOR HELPING YOU AND THERE’LL BE NO JEDI TO SAVE THE DAY.

-Why is everyone suddenly dumb.

-Fuck that “good old days” bullshit. I’m sure there were good times, but your good old days are three years of war and losses. Gimme “now everything will be alright”, because for once someone survived, for once the future is looking hopeful, give me them hoping that it’ll be okay and then gut me with the sheer irony of it all because I know 66 is looming. AND FUCKING HUG HIM DAMMIT, he was almost catatonic thirty minutes ago, at least HELP HIM into the ship rather than leave him standing here alone.

-And no mention of Fives, of course. Idk it may be in episode 4, it BETTER be in Episode 4, otherwise this is “it be like the good old days, yay, btw Fives’ dead”.

I am SO ready for the damn Bad Batch arc to be over and hoping the actual original content is way better. I wished they had scrapped that disaster of an idea full of bad clichés. You want a strike team to go with Rex ? I’ve got a strike team for you : Jesse is an ARC, Kix is both a medic and seen many times with a rifle (AND THE COOLEST HAIRCUT, get us Bly there and give him a tracking speciality with the many ‘primitive’ planets he was on, and we have Aayla for the muscle. That would be badass.

[no-one-hears-me]

Tell me more about Korn :0 i MUST HEAR UR THOUGHTS

oh boy do I have thoughts!!! and I'm bad at organizing them. I tend to get carried away while writing so this will probably be a long post. also I'm in a very foolish mood 😎

ahhhhh so I don't know what exactly you wanna know or if you like Korn??? also my phone always changes Korn to Morn so I apologize if that happens 😔 okay let's get started!!! so obviously Korn is the greatest band to ever exist - no arguments there whatsoever. The first song I heard was Falling Away From Me and I was interested but lowkey didn't like it a whole lot at first. now, I was very wrong about that, but that's just how I am - it sometimes takes a few listens for me to like a song. In conclusion, Falling Away From Me slaps but I was a fool and missed it initially. but when did I actually like the song?

One summer night, I had fallen asleep while listening to music and woke up in the middle of the night bc it was hot. at the time I woke up, a song had just started and I'm sure you can guess what song it was!!! so I was lying in bed with my blankets now thrown to the side, staring at the ceiling and was like "wow this song is pretty good actually. think I'm gonna play it again" and I knew I should have been asleep but? good song. Now, was it actually hot in my room that night, or is it just that Korn is fire and the heat from their music was radiating onto me? 

so at some point, I heard some other songs. Freak On A Leash, Coming Undone, Blind, you know, the popular ones. and they're popular for a reason. But then! I don't remember how, but I heard that there's a Korn song about csa. and, csa victim that I am, what did I do? listened to it, of course! knowing damn well I probably shouldn't lol. I'm posting this on a trauma blog. My followers have also been abused. I don't recommend listening to the song, okay? It's not poetic and filled with metaphors about abuse. It's very direct and straightforward, and also somewhat graphic (especially compared to other songs about abuse, as the other ones I've heard are more poetic about it.) I know that some of my traumatized homies will be negatively affected by the song, so I'm not telling anyone to listen to it. 

anyways. Another thing. Korn is a group of men. The song is about male sexual abuse. The other songs I've heard are written about girls and most are written by women as well. which is fine. but I think that male abuse/rape should be talked about more. anyways. I didn't mention it yet but the song is written about the singer's own experiences, it's not a general story or anything. ANYWAYS. Now. Csa victim that I am, I have an unbreakable emotional connection with Korn's music. All csa buddies do. That's just how it works. Also, all of their songs are #relatable bc of it. (no I'm not making any generalizations at all lmao) 

one of their songs (Here To Stay) has a line that's like "so I take my face and bash it into a mirror" and you see, when I hear that I'm like "haha yeah same" but other people hear that and are like "WHAT did he just say???" so yeah. childhood trauma allows you understand their music properly 😶 if it's not clear, I say all this jokingly but I am somewhat serious too lol

I have no idea where I'm going with this post. a few months ago (early summer maybe?) I decided to listen to The Serenity of Suffering on repeat for like 2 weeks or something. this is amusing bc the album was released in 2016 but I didn't listen to it on repeat then. Idk why I did so in 2019 either, I was just Feeling It I guess. 

I don't know what you wanted me to write asghikhgdaygv and this response is a mess, my bad!!! um. So some of my favorite songs (I'll forget many because I am Stupid) are Falling Away From Me, Coming Undone, Insane, Rotting In Vain, Here To Stay, Somebody Someone, Pretty, Thoughtless, Take Me, Black Is The Soul, Lies, others I'm forgetting idk. Also!!! Their lyrics can be triggering to some people 😬 Korn is kinda known for talking about suicide a lot. and there's definitely more than that. sorry that this response is so unorganized lol, idk what you were asking for so I apologize if this isn't at all what you were hoping to see 😓

[she-who-the-river-could-not-hold]

100 Questions!

Tagged by the wonderful @janes-mike, @caseyk112, and @el-and-hop! Thank you!!

1. What is your nickname? People call me Kat and Kath usually! The Kath originally was just an online nickname but then my boyfriend’s coworker called me it this weekend so it’s an official one now! I just let people decide if they want to use a nickname I always go by my full name otherwise

2. How old are you? 23! I turn 24 in less than a month though yikes

3. What is your birth month? July!

4. What is your zodiac sign? sun sign: cancer, moon sign: aries

5. What is your favorite color? black

6. What’s your lucky number? eh I don't really have one

7. Do you have any pets? sadly no, but my parents have a cat and a dog back home!

8. Where are you from? Idaho

9. How tall are you? 5' 6"

10. What shoe size are you? 9

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I don't even know it's a lot lol

12. Are you random? I am such a creature of habit it's actually absurd

13. Last person you texted? my parents!

14. Are you psychic in any way? the closest I've gotten was having a dream about my teeth rotting only to go to the dentist to find out I was having issues with my gums

15. Last TV show watched? idk if I watched TV this past week? probably Altered Carbon or the 100

16. Favorite movie? IMPOSSIBLE. Potential answers are Mad Max: Fury Road or Gone Girl

17. Favorite show from your childhood? Idk the name of it but there was a show hosted by Michelle Trachtenberg where she talked about haunted places? or one called "Endurance"

18. Do you want children? yes! probably no more than two though

19. Do you want a church wedding? ehhhhh not sure. Not really but also it seems stressful to get married outside. Maybe I'll say fuck it and elope at the Taco Bell Cantina in Vegas where you can get married.

20. What is your religion? theistic agnostic with interest in wicca (and witchcraft but I know that’s not considered a religion usually but more of a spirituality?)

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? not since being born!

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? closest I got was running a stop sign in college but I just got a warning

23. How is life? life is good right now!! really thankful

24. Baths or showers? showers but only because I live in an apartment. My bath tub is tiny af

25. What color socks are you wearing? I'm wearing those footie sock thingies for when you wear slides so like a tan color

26. Have you ever been famous? I guess getting voted to homecoming court in high school counts? pretty sure it was a fluke though I didn't like many people hahah

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? only for the money but so much else of it suckkkkss

28. What type of music do you like? everything pretty much? I suppose I don't listen to country music much but as a whole I listen to a wide variety

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nope not really my thing

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? I have four on my bed but usually use two

31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my side

32. How big is your house? my apartment is a pretty good size I think for being in the city, it’s a two bedroom/two bath condo 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? a protein bar or toast!

34. Have you ever left the country? yes!

35. Have you ever tried archery? I might have at church camp once but I don’t really remember if I was good at it, I’d love to do it at a renaissance fair sometime!

36. Do you like anyone? I do and luckily he likes me too! three years and strong

37. Favorite swear word? fuck, it works for so many things. ass clown. bastards.

38. When do you fall asleep? usually around 11-11:30, I’d love to make that earlier

39. Do you have any scars? a couple leftover from the chicken pox!

40. Sexual orientation? straight

41. Are you a good liar? depends on what I’m trying to lie about

42. What languages would you like to learn? I used to be able to speak German so I’d love to get back into that! And then Spanish since I think that’s important as a person in the United States and I hate how bad I am at it

43. Top 10 songs? REFUSING TO ANSWER THIS

44. Do you like your country? Hmmmmmmmmmm. Yes and no. Currently our worst aspects are hella on display and I hate a lot of it. But I also enjoy living here since it’s where I’ve grown up and I’m interested in helping improve it. But obviously thanks to current politics I’m pretty angry about the state of things.

45. Do you have friends from the web? Oh man I’ve made so many friends on Tumblr in the last year! so yes I do!

46. What is your personality type? creative, type A

47. Hogwarts House? Slytherin

48. Can you curl your tongue? yep! just the hot dog style though not the clover thing

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? Hermione Granger 100%

50. Left or right handed? right, though I can sorta write with my left hand since I tried to train myself how to do it in high school

51. Are you scared of spiders? oh my god yes

52. Favorite food? ahhhhh. Maybe BBQ (South Carolina style) or Tex-Mex

53. Favorite foreign food? Probably Italian followed by German

54. Are you a clean or messy person? v messy but I’m really really really trying to get better

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? go out at night and not be afraid. enjoy having pockets.

56. What color underwear? uhh blue? I think?

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? if it’s a normal morning, Usually an hour. I’ll start showering around 7:30ish and then I’m usually dressed and ready by 8:30-40ish.

58. Do you have much of an ego? In some regards yes, in some no. I’m extremely confident in my work and what I put out there, but when it comes to myself as a person I have zero ego hahaha. Very far from it.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I wait to bite until it’s nearly gone!

60. Do you talk to yourself? I mean internally yeah? but that’s just thinking right? so yes?

61. Do you sing to yourself? mmm not really. I’ll drunkenly sing but not a lot no

62. Are you a good singer? NOPE LOLOLOLOL

63. Biggest Fears? failure, not accomplishing my goals

64. Are you a gossip? I try not to be but I’m susceptible to it

65. Are you a grammar nazi? I used to be a lot worse but for the most part I’ve relaxed, unless it’s at work

66. Do you have long or short hair? I have medium length hair on the shorter end!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? it took me ages to find a quiz that didn’t have a map with it but I was able to get 41/50 from memory in 4 minutes!

68. Favorite school subject? always was Art and English which has worked out pretty well!

69. Extrovert or Introvert? extrovert! to the fullest of the definition 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? nope! probably won’t because that shit sounds terrifying to me

71. What makes you nervous? the idea of failing, disappointing people I love

72. Are you scared of the dark? kinda? a bit of the unknown aspect of it

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? yessssss 

74. Are you ticklish? terribly so but I’ve found the older you get the less people try to tickle you THANK GOD I will fight anyone that touches me

75. Have you ever started a rumor? not to my knowledge

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? yes!

77. Have you ever drank underage? Yep! though only a year or so off from the legal age

78. Have you ever done drugs? nope! I don’t think briefly smoking a cigarette, cigar, and hookah thing once each really count. Smoking is even a dramatic way to described it. Puffed a couple times and passed it off because meh.

79. What do you fantasize about? having enough money to be able to live in the place I want and have it furnished like I want, be able to travel everywhere, pay back my parents for everything they’ve helped me with, spoil the shit out of people, being able to donate to as many charities and creators that I can

80. How many piercings do you have? none! closed up my earlobes in middle school

81. Can you roll your R’s? I’m so hilariously bad at this it’s impossible for me

82. How fast can you type? I think last time I tested myself I did 90 wpm and 76 if I was typing on my phone

83. How fast can you run? not fast at all but I’m working on it

84. What color is your hair? brown

85. What color are your eyes? brown

86. What are you allergic to? nothing! unless it’s bullshit

87. Do you keep a journal? Tumblr count? otherwise nope

88. Are you depressed about anything? If I think too long about how we’re not doing anything about this planet, the lack of interest in gun control from our legislators, or the deaths in the Middle East that are at the fault of the US (intentionally or by us ignoring those who need help) I feel really helpless and sad. But nah not really. 

89. Do you like your age? 23 is... chill. I think I’ve got until 25 to panic.

90. What makes you angry? EVERYTHING. Incompetent coworkers who don’t respect my job or process. Republicans across the board and a shit ton of establishment Democrats. That our Earth is dying. How people in this city don’t hold doors open for anyone. Wars that we support or won’t get out of or turn our cheeks to (as a nation). My inability to actually take care of myself/my laziness.

91. Do you like your own name? Yeah it’s cool! I like it more now I think. I also like old-fashioned sounding names.

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? I can’t speak for my very younger self but not that I can remember

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I’d be fine with either! I’d have to scramble if I had only boys though I have infinitely more “girl” names that I like

94. What talents do you have? graphic design, art, writing, photography, badass houses in the sims (jk I’m okay at it), terrible puns

95. Sun or moon? MOON always

96. How did you get your name? it’s my late grandmother’s name!

97. Are you religious? Not massively, I grew up Lutheran and then went to a couple of different churches. Went through a hard atheist phase in middle school. Now I’m most comfortable identifying with the term agnostic theistic since long story short I’m not against the concept of a higher being, I believe things happen for a reason, I’ve always believed in energies, which can be connected to meditation and praying. I’m currently researching wicca and witchcraft though I’m probably far off from identifying with either of those. Oops that was long I have a lot of thoughts.

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? I haven’t actually, though considered one in high school for a brief amount of time.

99. Color of your bedspread? white with black flowers and green petals!

100. Color of your room? white walls since I’m renting

Tagging: @thezoomermax, @dustinhendrsn, @jane-el-hopper, @littledancersun, @sweet-sugar-sunsets, and @the-most-beautiful-broom!

[cookinguptales]

You know, I rarely have nightmares, but when I do they are usually doozies. I had two last night. I woke up, was too freaked out to go back to sleep for a bit, then went back to sleep -- and had a literal sequel dream, I’m so mad???

So the first dream was...now that I think about it, the first dream was definitely something I was being forced to watch. Like I remember hearing a “warning” that I was about to see very graphic deaths and they were real people. Like I’d found the uncensored version of tapes that were usually censored. When I get into the plot, that’ll make more sense. Anyway, I wasn’t actually a character in these dreams (I rarely am), but I guess that I was consciously being placed in the position of viewer.

Anyway, at its most basic, it was kind of a survivor-sque reality tv show, except it was really more Hunger Games than anything because all the people really did have to kill each other. There really was a giant cash reward, but also people just weren’t allowed to leave. For a while, they all thought they could. Like they didn’t really know what kind of reality tv show it was, and they were led around this creepy mood setting cavern, and they saw this giant treasure that was going to be theirs. And they were told that they were straight up going to need to kill people, and were given the option to leave then. Some people did, but most didn’t. (More on that detail in the sequel, apparently.) Anyway, most of the rest of the dream was people dying in really horrible ways, sometimes killed by other contestants, sometimes dying because of the people in charge. Like there wasn’t a “week  1, X died!” kind of vibe. They just knew the “game” would keep going on until they were all dead, and it just happened to go on for weeks and weeks. And some people decided they wanted out, that they couldn’t do this anymore and it wasn’t worth the constant fear. So they had the leader of this little posse go talk to the head guy and ask to be let out (like they’d been told they could) and he was like oh sure, you can definitely leave! (Definitely resembled Michael from The Good Place.) And then the guy trying to leave was snatched up by goons, had metal poles strapped to his body horizontally (on both sides of the body, but not parallel to each other on each side), then they grabbed the poles and pushed them apart and together and up and down and such to break like EVERY bone in this guy’s body and reduce him to pulp, then they just kind of let him slowly die in agony and that was basically...the general tone of the dream... Well, that really freaked them all out, and it was when they all realized that they were all going to die, no matter what, except the winner. Uh. And then I woke up shortly after that?? But right before I woke up, it was like -- the feeling was like zooming backward through all the places they’d lived and camped and shit, almost rewinding but no time was passing, the “camera” was physically going through those places backward, and it zoomed backward through all the caverns and instead of going out again, the “camera” paused and went into a side cavern they hadn’t been in and I hadn’t seen yet, and there was just a woman sitting at the table there (who was one of the contestants but I didn’t remember which one, like she’d died early or wasn’t a very memorable living-when-I-woke-up one idk) and she looked at me, the viewer, and said “I hear they’re making a season 2 soon” and then I actually woke up.

And I was like shit tho. It’s not actually the first time a dream character had a parting shot for me when I was just about to wake up because my brain is a fucking asshole but ugh. It’s not as bad as the time I had a dream where I kept waking up in the dream into increasingly bizarre lives -- like, I’d be in a girl scout camp, then I’d wake up and realize that was just a dream and go back to my life in an office building, then I’d wake up and realize that was just a dream and go back to --- etc. etc. until I was in some kind of nightmare Seussian dreamland and I was literally crawling out a hole to “waking life” and a character turned to me RIGHT BEFORE I GOT OUT like “you’ll never know whether you’re really awake again” and that is officially the shittiest thing my brain has ever done to me.

BUT BACK TO THIS DREAM. So I was freaked out because I’d just watched a lot of really fucked up deaths and people slowly realizing they had no way out of their situation, so I didn’t go back to sleep for a bit. But then I did. AND HAD A SEQUEL??? (slash prequel??? idk.)

So this was an even weirder dream. Like the first one was relatively straightforward. I was watching the unedited tapes from a (n implied to be popular) reality show where people died. Maybe the implication was that IRL people thought it was fictional, like a fictional horror tv show where the plot was that it was a reality show? But I was being unequivocally told that it was real, these were real people, and I was about to see their vivid and gory deaths. (Or maybe that was a dig about me dreaming, I never know with my subconscious.) The second dream was about the girl I’d seen at the end, in the room. She was one of the contestants, like I’d known the first time -- and I still don’t know how far she got in the first dream, the second dream completely fucked the plot so -- and she somehow woke up again. Like she died in the game but woke up back in her regular life right after she got the letter asking her to come to these caverns to be on a reality show. But she had all her memories of this! So she was freaked out. And the dream was about her repeated attempts to get out of her grisly fate, and every time she failed and died anyway, she’d wake up again before she died but usually too late to really get out of it. And one of the times, things had gone wrong enough that her very pretty girlfriend (who she’d told all this) had gone with her to try and help her get out of it. At the very beginning, when contestants were given the chance to leave, she took her girlfriend and firmly said they were leaving. (They were not the only ones who did this over the course of all the “lives”, but they were the only ones this time.) And they tried to argue her out of it, tried to block her way, but they got out! Out into real sunshine! Or so they thought. This is when shit got really weird. They thought they’d just be able to leave, but there were guards everywhere on this big, sort of manor home-esque estate. Think creepy hedge mazes in the gardens and fountains and shit. So they eventually realize they’re still meant to die here, they were dead the second they walked on property, they were probably dead the second the protag girl had been chosen. (It was never said how or why they were chosen, but I suppose they were aiming for physically strong people who were the kind of greedy narcissists who’d drop everything to be on a deadly reality tv show.) So they both just start RUNNING, the protag has seen and experienced unspeakable things, so she’s just DRAGGING her girlfriend. All the while, there are all these kind of intercom announcements trying to get them to come back that just get increasingly nasty and mocking when they realize there’s no reasoning with them. They eventually end up in these underground waterways that they’d crawled into through like a drain pipe or something. They were kind of like sewers without the sewage, and they eventually opened up to like large cavern-esque rooms underground that had all these little maze-like man-made tributaries they had to swim through. Lots of right angles. And the protag got separated from her girlfriend at once point, but what could she do? She kept swimming. And she hated water, was terrified of swimming (which the intercom voice repeatedly reminded her about; they’d apparently done their research before inviting her) but she kept going until she finally came to this room, and it was so weird. The tributaries opened up into this shallow pool that she could climb out of, and there were all of these like shallow, square wells in the room that contained these brightly colored crystals. And she was like??? And her GIRLFRIEND walked in, which was even more ??? And her girlfriend who’d been in on it the whole time was like “wow congratulations, you got really far! much farther than we thought! won’t help you but wow, congrats.” and proceeded to tell her that all of the people here were young and beautiful because they were bodysnatchers. And they could technically just take anyone, but they’d lived a really long time. They were rich and young and healthy and beautiful but they were bored. So they came up with this reality tv show idea so they could pick new hosts (who were basically the strongest of the lot, and would be so emotionally broken that it would be easy to overtake their minds) and that was literally the whole point of this. Finding the best bodies to be hosts to these magical bodysnatchers. (More secret society than alien.) And the protag was like fuck!? and her gf was just like “I hoped you’d win!! I do like you” and she showed the protag this body that was like. In stasis. And it turns out they don’t like LITERALLY take over the body. They keep the body and once they have this like psychic connection to it, they can put the snatched body in stasis and it works sort of like that portrait in Dorian Grey’s attic. The body they have in stasis gets old and damaged and rots while their normal body is okay. And the body that’s in stasis, the body her gf is connected to, is almost completely rotted away. It’s time for a new one. AND THEN FADE TO BLACK, AS THE PROTAGONIST GETS CONSUMED BY HER GIRLFRIEND VIA MAGICAL BODYSNATCHING CRYSTALS.

But then it did the zooming thing and showed me the exact same clip of the girl talking about season two, like, to tie it all together I guess, and I was like. Okay, see here, that doesn’t make sense. She’s dead now, how is she being cryptic here?

Every so often in repeats of dreams I will have the capability to critique them. I remember there was this one dream I had more than once about a girl who thought her giant creepy house in the woods was haunted but her parents wouldn’t listen and this little girl kept leading her to a wall and pointing and the girl eventually found a HIDDEN ROOM and it turned out it was the ghost of her dead twiin sister, her sister had died when they were tiny and her parents were so griefstricken that they’d like walled up the room and pretended like her sister never existed, and the ghost just wanted to be acknowledged again and for her sister to know that she’d existed -- pretty interesting dream, actually, but the SECOND time I’ve had it, my brain was like I’ve seen this one and proceeded to admire the cinematography like my dreams are just a wasteland of weird. But this one did have an old man harrumphing at the tv feel and that at least made me laugh. Even if I’d just had to suffer through another nightmare.

LONG STORY SHORT, I DIDN’T SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT. :(