#idk i use art to digest myself and my feelings and sharing my digestions seems rude to whoever comes across them

[voidmagika]

mm maybe I shld post here lol

[aahsoka]

So having been on tiktok for a bit I wanna talk a little about it.

What I like

It’s actually rather entertaining to scroll through up to 30 second videos one after the other. Sometimes the humor falls flat or it’s not your taste, but the algorithim is quite good at recommending the kind of content you will like.

I joined right when there was a big trend going around about sharing your culture, and soon after a Blackout trend where non-Black creators stopped posting for a day & spread/supported videos by Black creators. So I ended up with a fairly diverse fyp or “for you page”. It also quickly gathered that I am bisexual, so I get plenty of lgbt+ content. There’s some art mixed in there, some cosplay, some historical costuming/seamstresses, lots of avatar jokes lately, musical theatre content, fashion, girls in bikinis on rollerskates (in outer space), commentary on political issues, body positivity, all the kinds of stuff I like. To get a feed that caters to your interests you just have to watch & like videos you’re interested in & eventually it gets a feel for what you’ll watch and what you won’t.

Theres a trend where people say which ‘side’ of tiktok they’re on and I get ‘science side of tumblr’ flashbacks but I’ve mostly avoided the “straight” and conservative sides of tiktok. I would be considered a part of “woke”, “alt” (as in alternative) and lgbt+ tiktok (there are separate ones for each letter of the acronym). Possibly also “theatre” and “cosplay” tiktok. These categories are nebulous and you’re usually part of multiple communities; its just as arbitray as ‘science side of tumblr’ was.

The format reminds me of snapchat a little, and I love to talk to myself on video & post dumb thirst traps for my friends (none of which I’m attracted to so idk what my goal is there) and make stupid jokes. So this app is kinda perfect for my attention seeking side & hyperactive tendencies. Its very easy to consume on a short attention span, though not as easy as vine was.

Being in quarantine, its a way for a lot of people to engage in hobbies that involve community. Cosplay is pretty popular, as its a fun way to show off a costume & dress up & have fun without having to attend a convention. I enjoy the way lip synced audios can be used to emulate the character someone is dressed as; that’s something you couldn’t really do unless you were really good at impressions. Its a nice succinct way to show the process of creating a cosplay as well.

Those who enjoy theatre, but cannot perform in shows at this time, are able to create mini-monologues & sketches as well as sing parts of their favorite songs. Its an avenue through which to perform without putting anyone at risk of the virus. It’s also an easy way to show off your talents without having to go through the audition process & actually get cast in a show as a prominent enough role that someone will notice it.

It’s a convenient format for discourse and educational videos. Nice, short, easily digestible tidbits that stay in your mind. This extremely catchy song, for example: “Black neighborhoods are overpoliced, so of course they have higher rates of crime, and white perpetrators are undercharged, so of course they have lower rates of crime. And all of those stupid stats you keep using are operating off a small sample size. So, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up”.

As well as other videos where people take the time to explain historical events, satirize racist arguments to demonstrate why they are wrong, talk about prevalent tropes in movies, teach a few signs in ASL, share facts about their culture, etc, etc. I have found there are quite a lot of people there from unique and fairly unknown cultures and backgrounds- and this is a place where they’re able to share their culture & existence with people all over the world. There are a thousand different viewpoints. Their videos are doing far more for diverse representation than any other platform, I’d argue, as everyone is extremely visible on the app. (‘Their’ as in the creators, not the app itself).

I also have enjoyed coming across new artists on the app. It’s really fun to watch the process they go through, as most art videos deal with the whole creation of a piece. It’s inspiring. I have also come across a painter who’s work I’m in love with, and a woman who makes and sells the CUTEST ceramic mugs, and I need to purchase some stuff from them both.

Now onto the bad:

Unfortunately, the app doesn’t have much in the way of a filtering or warning system. I talked about that tiktok of the kids coming across human remains? That was just on people’s fyp. Just popped up. No warning. No reason for it to still be up. Traumatizing.

You can click on a video and say ‘not interested’ (I do this to literally every video I get where some girl is thirsting after kylo ren 🤮..... like I want the star wars videos just not THOSE videos). However, it doesn’t seem to know exactly why you weren’t interested, because I still get those videos from time to time. There’s no content filter where I can blacklist the kylo ren or any other hashtag.

There’s some very shitty content. There are racist conservatives. Misogynistic teen white boys. Really weird thirst traps. Videos where people lip sync to something with a straight face and tag it with #acting. Harmful body image trends. I thankfully stay very clear of this, but this kind of content makes me worry for the minors on the app. The one’s who don’t have enough of a concept of self yet to realize they don’t need to be able to do the newest pointless beauty trend to be beautiful, to realize it’s ok for them to be gay, to realize how predatory some adults can be, etc etc.

It is extremely easy to come across minors on the app who don’t look like teens. One time I went to a girl’s page and it said she was FIFTEEN. I’m usually good at guessing ages but something about this app messes that up. I wish there was a way to separate people under 18 and adults. Where I don’t have minor’s thirst traps popping up on my fyp. Where pedophiles don’t get a chance to curate that fyp intentionally. If anyone reading this has kids, I highly recommend they make their tiktok private or only viewable to friends.

Just like any site, there are plenty of bigots. Lots of racist comments. Plenty of transphobia. Any hatred you’ve seen elsewhere, of course it exists on tiktok. I have actually zero clue if you can report people & if it works. Most people seem to send a video commentary to their haters or duet a video of a racist pointing out their racism. I’ve heard of creators blocking people, however. I remember a tiktok of a Black woman who’s video somehow went fairly viral in Poland and now she gets a lot of racist comments from this large group of random racisf Polish followers she has and its extremely time consuming to block them all, as there’s no mass block feature.

The rumors about what works with the algorithm and doesn’t abound. I’ve heard well lit videos get more views. Many people suspect they have been shadowbanned for speaking out about current events. TikTok will remove the audio from videos sometimes if they deem it controversial enough. Most of us know they were criticized recently for intentionally keeping Black creator’s videos from being seen (a catalyst for the Blackout, actually). Or you may also recall when it was criticized for widely removing lgbt+ content. Those creators are fighting to be seen the same amount as straight cis white creators are allowed to be seen with no effort.

The effects some trends could have on teen girls. So many of them are already so uncomfortable in their own skin simply because of societal standards, but the absolutely meaningless challenges people come up with on tiktok make it so much worse. One trend was based around whether your finger touched your lips when you put it in your nose. Or if you could get your clasped hands around the back of your legs and over your butt (if they get passed, you have a flat ass, if they get stuck, its big). These completely arbitrary signifiers of the things you need to have in order to be pretty, are far more ridiculous that anything I have seen yet in my life. I worry about little girls taking these ideas to heart. There is a very kind body positive community on the app & I hope more people can find that.

There’s also that thing where they steal your data. Like most apps. But apparently they got a lot more invasive than usual, so I would look into it before making an account; if you want to do that.

I think the apps users can be great & its a pretty intuitive set up. It certainly deserves its popularity solely as a creative form of social media. That being said, its owners are so so insidious & do the worst things. Just like all other social media, its controlled by the worst kind of people. Who can never figure out how to effectively get rid of nazis or keep kids safe from adult content.

These are my less serious gripes with the app:

1) Lip syncing

When people lip sync and don’t do any kind of skit, joke, etc, just look as if they’re saying what someone else said; I hate that. I have to go back and find the original tiktok so I can like it instead. You literally did nothing interesting by ripping off someones audio and moving your lips along to it. So many people on this app are creative and so many others lack any semblance of creativity.

Also people are too easily impressed by lip syncing to kinda-fast songs. I lip synced to like....10 seconds of the devil went down to georgia and two people praised my lip syncing abilities. Like, I can also sing and talk fast, out loud, isn’t that more impressive? more skillful? The fiddle playing in that song is impressive, not the fact I can lip sync ‘the devil went down to georgia, he was lookin for a soul to steal, he was in a bind, cause he was way behind.’ Have you ever seen someone play Johnny’s fiddle solo????? It’s insane!!!

Rather than see someone lip sync to the verse in Stressed Out 2x faster than normal (which is, extremely simple and the song was overplayed and ingrained into our collective consciousness) and go WOW what about someone.....doing the verse out loud. You can litterally just mouth random words and look like you’re saying the right ones. It’s driving me crazy lmao. I’m set to become a God of tiktok because I have a repertoire of fast songs and rap verses memorized. It’s not even an uncommon skill to speak or sing quickly, people literally make rap music for a living! Listen to it maybe.

2) “Acting”

I am begging you to stop making me sit through those horrible POVs. I cannot take another girl not quite fake crying towards the camera as she lip syncs the words from a song that apply to the random situation she decided she was in. I cannot take another boy who thinks its sexy to stare into a camera and smirk in every single situation he creates.

Back to lip syncing, making facial expressions along to words isn’t really acting. Try saying the words out loud perhaps? The inflection you use with your lines is a pretty big part of acting. Like you can lip sync all you want, just stop tagging it with #acting.

3) Comedic timing, or lack thereof

You don’t need the entire intro to sit there looking at the camera waiting until the first line starts and you can lip sync to the part that’s the joke. You could cut off at least 15 seconds. Brevity is the soul of wit.

When your joke involves both reading text on screen and listening to the song for the punchline, if it isn’t done prefectly, its so difficult to follow. I can’t read a paragraph in 5 seconds. Paraphrase.

4) self deprecating artist audio

the audio thats like ‘this wont get views’ ‘I suck’ ‘you probably won’t see this anyway’ LOVE YOURSELF

It sucks when people dont enagage with your art but it sucks worse when your value in yourself and you art is based solely on receiving that validation. Please find a healthy medium.

Also you’re asking for pity, and you don’t want that. You want people who genuinely love your art for what it is.

5) editing videos is really hard how do you make such cool & smooth transitions????

please help me I don’t understand

Finally

here’s my account if you’re interested

[cordofcommunion]

when u wanna share writing but ur having issues bleeding out for the internet like every other gotdamn week..... ofc writing is for me and always has been (even when i used to struggle w validation and feeling like i needed it to write way Back when) but i rly fear the idea that in order to make it in this weird world as a creator i have to oversaturate the internet w my constant accessibility and my every thought. sometimes u just wanna write a 12 page long poem abt the fact that all u care abt lately is experiencing life and dropping that Too Cool to Care facade but u don’t feel like ur being productive after doing that bc it’s not digestable for ur online bleedfest of a blog... idk i like having this space & i lov that ppl even bother to read my words and are cool w my disappearing acts lol but having a blog where sometimes i’m banking on exposure instead of just existing is draining and makes me hate the idea of being around here idk if that makes sense.... but at the same time i dont want to exist in a void im happy to be here and read thru poems and share mines when i can. it’s not as dramatic as i’m making it out to be in the end. i guess i’m just struggling w how little this all matters and how much living and writing for myself matters in this destructive climate of a world we’re in living in yk i go thru bouts of wanting to disappear from the internet forever like every six months, this is the longest i’ve kept a blog that wasn’t actively abt anything but me and my fragile ass heart and even then i’m not exactly on here baring my ass every sec so i shouldn’t let it get to me...... but it does. i don’t check my notes and reblogs obsessively but i Do feel good when my numbers are up and i Do worry abt posting things that are different (sometimes different bad and sometimes different good bc that’s what growing and experimenting is Abt) and i Do worry abt not being here baring my soul all the time bc i’m not an oversharer. yet even this is a weird performance in a sense, but for who?? me?? no one’s asking for it... on a related note insta poetry scares me bc it’s sometimes so , connected to ppl’s livelihoods number-wise and it seems like u can’t make any sort of life as writer without having a big following backing u up but i’m also getting to a point where like , i wanna Fully not care if i can live off my art and just make it for me... is that naive? where’s the middle ground here bc i thought i was on it but i’m still feeling guilty for wanting to Hole up in a pile of poems and paintings that don’t matter to anyone but me and just go on walks and leave poems under trees and forget abt the value of anything but my heart. idk 2k18 is going to be the year i care so fucking much abt myself and the Process of creating and care none abt things&ppl that don’t matter that’s it

[fwancus]

Untitled

(A short fic based on Day 1 of the Writer’s Digest Two Weeks of Daily Prompts e-book. yes, judge me.)

Pairing: USxUK (Not in any order)

Tags: Divorce mention, not very sad though, idk

Alfred slowly sat up from his shared mattress, looking over at the sleeping blonde man beside him. Arthur was normally someone who would bring a smile to his face no matter what, but as of recent times, enjoyment was something that Alfred was having difficulty finding with his husband.

 He stood up firmly from the bed, his toes curling from the cold hardwood floor, and reached over to pull his shirt off. He walked slowly over to the bathroom, sighing along with the creak of the shower faucet as he ran the water. Stepping inside, he allowed himself to stand beneath the stream, his head hanging low. The water was much too hot, but he didn’t mind to lower it. Nothing could sting his skin as much as what he was about to do.

 He cleaned himself, the washcloth leaving raised red scratches over his skin as he tried to scrub the regret from his skin. Tears streamed from Alfred’s eyes, he knew that Arthur would not take this well. After six years of marriage, Arthur would not take this well at all.

 He turned, twisting the faucet handle down and sighing as the pounding water reduced to a stream, growing thinner and thinner until only crystalline droplets fell from the rainwater shower head. When he stepped out of the bathroom, Arthur was still sleeping, but his change of position was indication that he’d be up soon. Instead of nudging him to consciousness, Alfred dressed himself quickly in a loose white t-shirt, smoothing out the v-neck before stepping into black jeans. He kicked on a pair of shoes, grabbing his phone and glasses and stepping out of the bedroom.

 Downstairs, he leaned against the kitchen counter, looking at the cookware around them. They had built the kitchen together, quite literally from the ground up. It was an outer addition to the house, they had raised the walls together. There were arguments, but they were silly fights that the couple laughed about now. It was a beautiful outcome, despite their differing opinions on interior design. He shook the thoughts from his head, knowing from experience that hesitation would only make this worse. He grabs a muffin from the microwave, walking out the front door and down to his car.

 He drove to his work at a local coffee parlor, sighing as he tilts his head back as he waits in the rear staff parking lot. He unlocks his phone, sighing as he sees a text from Arthur. 

“Hey. You left early for work, everything okay?”

 Alfred halted slightly as he thought of a response. His options were to lie, and say that he was fine, only to surprise Arthur with the breakup text during lunch break because he simply can’t bring himself to do it in person; Or, he could send aforementioned breakup text now. He decided on the latter.

 “Arthur. I’m not sure if you’ve been able to tell, but lately it’s been really difficult for me to enjoy time spent with you.” Alfred read over the message, sighing and backspacing until only ‘Arthur’ was left. Too harsh.

 “Arthur, I love you. But I can’t do this anymore.”

 No, too cliche.

 “Arthur, I want to breakup. It’s not you, it’s me.”

 Way too cliche.

 Alfred began to think. Lord knows thinking is not a good thing to do at this hour of the morning. Nevertheless, he was thinking that if it was so hard to think of a way to breakup with Arthur, should he be breaking up with him in the first place? Alfred shook his head, pounding the thought away immediately. He had known he wanted this for several months, nearly a year, and hesitating would only lead to more misery and a much more violent outcome.

“Arthur, we’ve known each other for almost seventeen years. We met in high school, and for how much we fucked with each other, I think we both expected it to end in marriage. But what neither of us could have expected on the day we signed our vows six years ago, is what I am about to say.” There we go, that was sounding better. “I value you as a person, you have a sense of humor, no matter how hard it is to believe that; you have a lot of tact, and you can sense when I’m a bit down; and if I didn’t say you were hot as hell, I would be lying. Because you are hot. You have one of the most gorgeous bodies and personalities that any man could ever ask for, and I thank you for sharing it with me for the time that you did.” He sighs, and tears began to bead at his waterline.

“But I don’t think marriage was the right choice. I think we rushed it. We were engaged at fifteen, way too young, and the second we turned eighteen we began to finalize things. Neither of us ever really stopped to think about the commitment that marriage is. I thank god in these recent days that all of the conversations we had about adopting kids ended in ‘no’, because I’m breaking up with you. I’m not leaving, god no, I want to continue knowing you for the rest of my life. But I can’t be in a romantic situation with you anymore. And I know texting this to you is a sucky, douche thing to do, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you up-front. We can talk more when I get home.”

Alfred’s thumb faltered over the ‘send’ button, and he reread the message nearly ten times. He tried to imagine how Arthur’s face would twist when he read it, trying to comfort himself, but he quickly found that the image was causing adverse effects. He sighs, pressing his finger down, watching the message pop up into the chat and a small ‘D’ appear next to it for ‘delivered’. And he also watched as that ‘D’ turned into an ‘R’ for ‘read’, and he immediately shoved his phone into his pocket to avoid Arthur’s immediate response. But it was too late.

 “Come home. Now. I need to see you, please.”

Alfred sighed, looking at his dashboard for an excuse. Maybe he would tell Arthur he didn’t have enough gas to go back and forth, but his tank was over 3/4 full. He could say his boss gave him strict hours today, but Arthur knew his boss and he also knew that he was way too relaxed to be strict on his employees. His mind scrambled for reason, anything - anything - to avoid Arthur’s tearful eyes. But he couldn’t.

 “Okay. On my way.”

Alfred was silent as he drove, trying to think of what he would say to calm Arthur. But he didn’t need to. When he got home, Arthur wasn’t bawling on the couch as he had expected. Arthur was sitting, looking at a photo album for sentiments, one leg folded over the other. He looked fine.

“Arthur?”

 The man looked up, smiling, but with a sad undertone. “You know, I can’t say I wasn’t expecting this. You really don’t hide your feelings very well.”

 Alfred paused. “What?”

 Arthur rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Come on, what am I supposed to think when you turn off the TV during breakup scenes in movies, or change the conversation when I joke about it at dinner? It was obvious that you were feeling this way, especially when I asked you about adopting and you almost screamed at me not to. That’s not what you would normally do.” He sighs, looking down, “I’ll admit, I did think you’d be mature enough to talk to me about this face-to-face, but I can understand why you didn’t.”

 Alfred frowned, rubbing the back of his neck. “Art, I’m sorry. I really am, but whenever I thought about saying it in person, I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it and it would only further my silence and make things worse. I’m sorry.” He looks up with a bit of bittersweet hope, “Are you saying that…you’re okay with this?”

 “Oh, lord no.” Arthur sighed, “I’m devastated. No matter how much I knew it was coming, I couldn’t brace my heart for the impact those words had on me. I’m scared, I am, of living alone after all we’ve been through. I’m not okay with this at all, but I can’t force you to be with me.”  Alfred frowned. There it was. “Well, you know, this doesn’t mean that we’ll, like, never talk to each other again. I told you that I still want to be friends. I don’t want either of us to be completely alone in life.”  Arthur slowly nods, sighing. “Who gets to stay here?”

 The question was abrupt, and Alfred wasn’t expecting it. “Uh, to be honest, I really like it here. It’s not that far from my work, so I don’t waste a lot of gas. And to be fair, you work from home, so…” Alfred trailed off, knowing that Arthur understood what he was asking.

 “Alright. If I can’t find some place by the end of the week, I’ll rent the couch in my brother’s house for a few nights. He’ll just have to deal with it.” Arthur sighs, “But that nice complex opened just around the corner last month, I’m sure they must have a vacancy or two. I can find a flat there.”

Alfred minded to correct ‘flat’ to ‘apartment’, but knew it would do no good in the situation. “Yeah..If you want any furniture, you can have the love seat and one of the coffee tables. You can also have your desk, obviously, and I’ll buy you a new dining table. And I’ll move it all. It’s the least I can do to apologize…”

 Arthur smiles a bit. “That’s a hard offer to accept, but I think I deserve it. You ended six years of marriage with a text, and then kicked me out of a house that I helped build.”

Alfred laughed, knowing that Arthur wasn’t seriously upset and meant the statement as a joke in the first place, shaking his head. “Yeah, I’m kicking you out. Fuck the end of the week, I want you out by 2 o’clock this afternoon.”

Arthur smiles, shrugging his shoulders and looking to meet Alfred’s eyes. “I’d say I’m going to miss you, but for one I know you won’t leave me alone for the next few months, and two, your humor isn’t something to miss.” Arthur grinned, and Alfred pouted and crossed his arms.

 “Heyyy, that wasn’t a very nice thing to say.” Alfred waved his finger back and forth in a mocking manner, and Arthur smiled.

 “I’ve said a lot of not-very-nice things, and you’ve never seemed to mind. Don’t give me that bullshit.”

  Alfred only smiled, “Well, I’ll miss you, even if it’s not requited.”