#idk if I should wait for her mv to come out before listening to her songs and the vd help

[kotoal1011]

MY FUCKING GODDDD KOTO.KO SOUNDS SO GOOD I'M NOT OKAY

[jumpluffdrifting]

Milgram Mahiru Song Breakdown/Theory/Discussion

After waking up at 6 AM to listen to the new song I couldn’t help feel a little disappointed by how black and white the murder was. Like, a yandere but the kind that exists in our world. But was that really all there was to it? I hope not! 

Let’s start with the things we know about Mahiru Shiina. She’s 22, in college, new in town, and desperately in love with some guy, who she kills in some way. I also like her hair

Her song chronicles 16 days out of her life, and within like two weeks she meets her boyfriend and then kills him so like, speed run I guess. What I find interesting is all of the still pictures of her life are shot like posts on social media with accompanying text, as if we’re reading a blog, but all of them would have to had been shot by someone other than her who we’ll assume doesn’t exist. But either way it gives a strong sense of perfomativeness and artificiality to her life and by extension her love.

The Japanese text in the images also provide a lot of context for Mahiru but since my Japanese isn’t good I’ll summarize it up so hard instead of translating. Basically it starts with her self care routine as she believes any day she’ll meet the person of her dreams. And three days later she makes eye contact with someone at her college campus and she instantly becomes infatuated. Then after she (purposefully or not) runs into her crush several different times they begin dating and she is all for it, as expected. He invites her over to his house and then they... idk what feelings does this face convey to you

AFTER THAT the color of the texts on her “blog posts” become bright pink, and the words are placed in an erratic order, probably to convey that she’s kind of losing her grip on reality a bit with her all consuming love of this guy. We only ever see his hand btw but I guess he’s attractive enough. The 16th picture is her waiting for her boyfriend to come over so she can surprise him with her homemade food, and then it cuts to the birdcage like in the above image. 

I didn’t notice it the first few times I watched this MV, but the clothes she’s wearing on day 16 are the same as in the birdcage segments, so this is presumably the last day before the “murder” happens. This is also interesting because with this direct tie to her blog posts and the birdcage, the earlier scenes in the birdcage can take on a whole different meaning if you choose to interpret it that way: if all of those scenes took place during one day.

On the topic of the birdcage, though, there’s a few noteworthy things going on. Throughout the video we see Mahiru chasing after, jumping in, and looking at blue feathers floating around inside the birdcage. The feathers seem to represent her boyfriend, and even though birdcages are usually meant for birds, Mahiru was probably the only one in the birdcage originally before being visited by the blue bird, or at least traces of it.

If you haven’t played the Zero Escape trilogy you should. These feathers are almost certainly alluding to the bluebird of happiness, which usually means like “happiness is fleeting but can always return” or whatever, I can’t read. The real kicker here though is that Mahiru, like the other prisoners, is strongly associated with a color, orange. Orange and blue are complementary colors and as such are on different sides of the (traditional RYB) color scale, so they don’t have any colors in common with each other and will cancel each other out if mixed together.

The choice to have Mahiru chase after the bluebird but also associate her with the color orange could imply that happiness is completely removed from Mahiru’s life, and added with the birdcage imagery she seems to be trapped in a deeply unhappy life. maybe that’s why she came to tokyo?

All we’re left with at the end of the video is this rather haunting picture of Mahiru realizing that he’s dead, or realizing that he, the bluebird, flew the coop. The implications are left to the viewer to decide.

In terms of the actual murder I have far less clues so I can’t really go into detail. It’s possible that she killed him directly out of desperation to keep him with her but that kinda just feels very... predictable and also counterintuitive to lasting happiness. It’s also possible that the constant attention she put on him, morning and night phone calls, breakup “rituals” drove him to kill himself but that’s also a little weird. He only met her two weeks ago so I think it odd that he, a man presumably in college with a job and his own apartment, would feel so much pressure that he’s pushed to suicide to escape from it. 

My theory, and this is just speculation–this is for fun, is that the constant pressure and stress building up led to something like the incident that led to Kawakami from Persona 5 being blackmailed the way she was. As in, the stressed out boyfriend acted recklessly and ended up in a fatal accident that Mahiru may blame herself for, the details of which could be anything. This theory also has holes though, because if the “murder” is too “oh so it wasn’t her fault” then it loses all nuance of whether or not we should forgive her for it, so it’s unlikely that the MILGRAM team is going for that angle here.

Welp, thanks for reading this. This may have been the most interested I’ve been in one of the trial songs despite the initial disappointment I felt, but let me know what your theories are because I’m probably so wrong! and if anyone managed to get useful information from the voice drama don’t keep it to yourself lol.

[jimimn]

HI ITS ME WHO'S NOT OVER JJK BLONDE SELFIE AND WILL NEVER BE -💫

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <33333333

HONESTLY ITS THE WAY YOH SAY SUCH NICE THINGS AND I DISAPPEAR FOR DAYS ON END BECAUSE INCONSISTENCY BLEEDS INTO EVERY CORNER OF MY LIFE FNEKALKD BUT I'M GETTING DONE WITH MY FIRST LEG OF EXAMS ON MONDAY SO YAY TO THAT!! OKAY I THINK WE'LL MOVE SLOWLY WITH BABY STEPS JUNGKOOK DROPPED SOME SELCAS JIMIN DROPPED SOME SELCAS IN THE WORDS OF THE LEGENDARY JEON JUNGKOOK ALL WE NEED NOW IS "together..BAM!" (THAT'S LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS EVER THE WAY HE SAYS IT 🤧)

YES IN THIS HOUSE WE SCREAM OVER JIMIN'S DISRESPECT HE IS THE PARAGON OF A MULTI-FACETED MAN THAT HAS US WRAPPED AROUND HIS FINGER. THE AUDACITY 😤

CHANEL X JIMIN LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN AND OMG THAT SELFIE THAT DROPPED?? SIR???? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?? I MEAN YES BH SAID LET'S DROP SELFIES IN BULK BUT THAT ONE PICTURE OF HIM IN BLACK(GREY? I DONT KNOW FHSKKAJF) WITH THE SHIRTS UNBUTTONED!!! THEM COLLARBONES ARE FREE AND THEY'RE THRIVING IN THE OPEN IN THAT ONE. ALSO HIS LIPS ARE SO PRETTY. OH GOD LITERALLY HE HAS THAT COCKY SMIRK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE KNOWS HE DOES HOT BOY SHIT LIKE SHUT UP OK YOU CANT DO THAT JAIL FOR U NDNSLSKAJJW

SUCH A FUCKING TEASE THATS RIGHT!! EVEN STRAIGHT MEN?? BRO LIKE HOW DO YOU HAVE ALL GENDERS JUST TRIPPING OVER THEMSELVES FOR YOU IT'S INSANE AND OMG MISS SHIVI HAVE YOU SEEN THAT ONE CLIP IN WHICH JIMIN HOLDS HIS GAZE WITH THESE MEN WHO LOOK AT HIM (i think it was bon voyage?) and when they cross each other he JUST SMIRKS AND RUNS HIS HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR LIKE YEAH OK ALEXA PLAY I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT. AND YES I'LL LISTEN TO EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY ANYTIME 💗💗

12PM KST IS THE HOLY HOUR I TELL YOU ALTHOUGH I REMEMBER WAITING THE NIGHT BEFORE BE CAME OUT WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO COME AND BH WAS JUST LIKE "yea...no" OMG THAT'S AWESOME YOUR COUSIN'S VISITING YOU

HHFJDOSO YEAH IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THEY DID THE JUMP ALTHOUGHHHH I'M POSITIVE THEY'LL DO SMTH COOL LIKE THAT IN THEIR CONCERTS BECAUSE THEIR PERFORMANCE QUALITY IS JUST.. THROUGH THE ROOF IT'S CRAZY!! WHEN THE PERFORM WINGS?? LIKE HOLY SHIT NO CHOREO NO POSITIONS JUST BTS RUNNING AROUND THE STAGE MAKING THE CROWD GO FERAL I LOVE EVERY WINGS PERFORMANCE SO MUCH MY SEROTONIN LEVELS ARE ALWAYS AT A HIGH THEN. OOHH MY GODDD BS&T IS REALLY THAT BITCH!!!! WHO'S DOING IT LIKE HER TODAY NO ONE IS EXACTLY. AND NOOOO I TOTALLY GET IT WE THINK ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH THAT ACCIDENT HAS THE SAME EFFECT ON ME. IF ONLY YOU'D TOLD ME THEN IN 2016 THAT THAT ACCIDENT WAS THE START OF SO MANY I'D BE PREPARED FOR EVERYTHING THAT FOLLOWED (see: him basically stripping himself that one serendipity performance. holy shit.)

FOR REAL THO CHRISTMAS LOVE DROPPED OUT OF NOWHERE AND DO YOU REMEMBER JIMIN SAYINF uUH iM nOt wORkInG oN a SoLo SoNg aT ThE mOmEnT heHe LIKE ALL MEN DO IS LIE OK AT THIS POINT. BYE. YES TAEHYUNG DID WARN US BUT ARMYS (LIKE MYSELF) PUT THEIR CLOWN WIGS ON AND THOUGHT IT WAS KTH1 LMAO. OMG I HOPE YOU DON'T SLEEP THROUGH ANY OF THEIR UPCOMING SONG RELEASES BUT I'M SURE IT'S THE BEST FEELING TO WAKE UP TO CHECK YOUR NOTIFS AND SEE "Big Hit Labels" BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE FIREEE. DUDE SERIOUSLY I NEED JIMIN TO GO LIVE AGAIN (although we've been well fed by namjoon for now🤧😌💗) LIKE THAT ONE YT LIVE WHERE HE SAID "O...M...G" SHUT UP STOP BEING SO CUTE I'M DHJSWLIFJWKALS

LMAO OKAY YEAH THAT'S VALID YOUR BLOG THEME IS BASICALLY ✨jimin✨ AND I LOVE THAT IT REALLY GRAVITATED ME AND YOUR URL OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD YOUR BRAINNN 💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️

YES YES YES JIMIN IS SO PERFECT AND THE SOCK DOODLESSS 😭😭😭 oooo so when did you get into giffing? how did you start? BROOOOO YOUR URL'S ORIGIN STORY. I LOVE IT WOW YES IT'S DEFINITELY GOT THE REQUIRED ✨pazzaz✨

NOOO OMG THIS URL IS YOUR BRAND LIKE YOU'RE A LEGEND ON ARMYBLR I LOVE IT SO MUCH. BUT STILL!! IT'S YOUR CHOICE AT THE END 💖

OMG QUARANTINE DID IT'S ONE GOOD JOB AND GOT YOU INTO BANGTAN YAY. OMG YOU AND MISS LIFEGOESMON ARE FRIENDSS??? LEGENDS INTERACTING THIS IS SO COOL. LMAO THE PARADIGM SHIFT YOU MUST'VE FELT FROM LISTENING TO STAY GOLD (WHICH BTW THE MV...THE LITERAL CUTEST OH GOD THE LITTLE DOG AND JIMIN'S LITTLE SMILES DHSJAOWO) TO THEN GOING TO BST IN WHICH JIMIN IS BASICALLY STRIPPING AND JUNGKOOK IS UPSIDE DOWN LMAOOO. YES BS&T HAS EVERYONE HOOKED THE POWERRRR. YOU FALLING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE WITH YOUR FRIEND'S ASSISTANCE OH GOD THIS IS SO CUTE 💓 EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM 🥺🥺🥺

AAAAH OKAY MY STORY ISN'T AS INTERESTING AS YOURS IS BUT IN 2016 BASICALLY ALL I KNEW OF KPOP WAS GANGNAM STYLE AND WASNT WILLING TO CUANGE THAT PERCEPTION (FOOL BEHAVIOUR I TELL YOU) AND WAS TOO BUSY OBSESSING OVER ONE DIRECTION'S REUNION AND SO ONE NIGHT (THE NIGHT BEFORE JIMIN'S BIRTHDAY 🤧🤧) I JUST STUMBLED UPON THEIR BS&T TEARS MV AND I HEARD IT AND I WAS LIKE OMG!! THIS IS THAT SUPER ADDICTIVE SONG THAT I'D HEARD SOMEWHERE AND IT JUST SPIRALLED FROM THERE I REMEMBER SEEING JIMIN AND BEING LIKE 👀👀👀👀 WHO IS HE I LIKE HIM AND JUST HIS AURA DREW ME IN SOOO MUCH AND WHEN I WAS GETTING INTO THEM I REMEMBER WRITING THEIR NAMES IN MY NOTES TO SEE IF I COULD REMEMBER 🤧 AND I STILL HAVE THAT NOTE FROM 4+ YEARS AGO 💓 AND YEAH BASICALLY SEEING THEM DO ALL THE MUSIC SHOWS AND STUFF AT THE TIME WAS SO COOOL AND MIND YOU BH DIDN'T HAVE SUBS FOR BANGTAN BOMBS THEN SO WENT ON THESE SKETCHY DAILYMOTION TYPE SITES LOOKING FOR ALL THE CONTENT I COULD CHURN OUT LMAO

AND YES!! COURTESY OF YOU I DID WATCH SOME RUN EPS!! I WATCHED THEIR CANADA ONES SPEAKING OF WHICH I LOOOVE THAT PART WHERE THEY'RE DOING THAT SONG GUESSING THING IN THE MORNING AND JIMIN SAYS "are you cold?" 🥺🥺 TO TAE AND HUGS HIM URRHRHEHSJSJSH AND I ALSO SAW THE ONES WITH THE PUPPIES GODDDDD I LOVE THE PUPPIES ONE SO MUCH LITERALLY JUNGKOOK AND HIS DOG (MIRI?) OH MY GOD THAT LIL FLUFFER AND ADAM IS MY ICON WITH HOW HE JUST DID HIS OWN THING LMAO.

BUT ANYWAY!! DO YOU HAVE A FAVE ERA?? LIKE DO YOU EVER LOOK AT THEM AND GO "Damn I wish I was a fan then" BECAUSE HONESTLY I WISH I HAD STANNED THEM IN THEIR DOPE ERA BUT I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE SURVIVED JIMIN THEN DHKSOWID-💫

FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME!!!!!!! ITS OKAY!!!!!!!! I TOTALLY TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!!! AND YAYYYYY CONGRATS I HOPE THE FIRST LEG OF EXAMS WENT WELL <333333 AND OH MY GOD you’re gonna make me cry with the together baam goddddddd same one of my fave moments and jimin’s giggles after that 😭😭😭😭 my babies <3 :((((

that..... black suit selca....... that opened button...... like open one more dear sir who’s stopping you... just do it <33333 YEAH he totally needs to shut up with his i know im hot side it just kills me every single time 😭😭😭😭😭

LISTEN THAT BV3 MOMENT  S H O O K  ME OKAY????? THOSE GUYS LOOKED AT HIM AND HE WAS SO FUCKING SMUG ABOUT IT (AND HE SHOULD BE) AND THE WAY HE LICKED HIS LIPS AND RAN HIS HANDS THROUGH HIS HAIR????? LIKE HE KNOWS HE HAS EVERY SINGLE PERSON; NO MATTER WHAT GENDER; WRAPPED AROUND HIS LIL PINKY LIKE THAT???????

OH MY GOD ME TOO I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE THE WINGS STAGE AND WATCHING THEM HAVE SO MUCH FUN IS JUST SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I ALSO ABSOLUTELY LOVVVEEE THEIR ENERGY DURING THE SY TOUR MEDLEY WITH IDOL AND BAEPSAE AND FIRE AND DOPE ZSXDFGFCHGVJBHJN THEY JUST LOSE THEMSELVES IN THE CROWD AND THE MUSIC AND ITS JUST SO FUCKING SURREAL TO WATCH HOW MUCH THEY ENJOY DOING WHAT THEY DO!!!!! kinda makes me want to find that happiness and passion in whatever i do in my professional life <3 and LISTEN jimin said the break the soul commentary THAT HE COULD DO SERENDIPITY SHIRTLESS TOO. THE AUDACITY. HE SAID THAT WITH HIS WHOLE CHEST. 

YOU KNWO WHAT I THINK JIMIN WON’T GIVE US A HINT BEFORE DROPPING PJM1. HE’LL JUST DROP IT ONE FINE DAY OUT OF NOWHERE LIKE HE DROPPED PROMISE AND CHRISTMAS LOVE (i wasn’t here when he dropped promise but i read that on twitter sdfghjkl) AND NO PLS NO I DO N O T WANT TO SLEEP THROUGH JJK1 OR KTH1 OR PJM1 OR KSJ1 OR NAMGI MIXTAPE 3 OR HOBI MIXTAPE 2 OR ANYTHING BASICALLY YOU GET IT i had slept through dynamite cb because i had NO CLUE that they were gonna drop it at 1pm kst rather than 12 am kst. i was under the impression that since they dropped all the teaser pictures and the teaser itself as 12 am kst, the mv will drop at 12 am kst too. and I woke up like two hours after the mv dropped (which was almost noon my time) and i felt like A FUCKING FOOL AND I JUST 😭😭😭😭 NEVER WANT TO FEEL LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN 😭😭😭 

AND YES BABIE NEEDS TO COME LIVE SOON PLS I MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH :((((( AND HIS O...M.....G HAD MADE ME FUCKING SOBBBBBBBBBBB his yt live god he looked sooooooo fluffy with his hair and his tiny hands and his puppy eyes and soft voice im just so 😭😭😭😭😭😭

NO NONNONONONO PLEASE IM NO LEGEND DON’T SAY THAT IM EMBARRASSED im just a normal fangirl who makes okayish gifs 😭😭 and ok yes so i started giffing LONNNGGGGGG time back on a different public fan forum from my country but i never knew the right process and stuff so obviously the gifs were shitty lmao BUT ANYWAY i got into gifmaking PROPERLY this in july last year and obviously struggled a lot in the beginning because i didn’t know shit about colouring and stuff lmao but i kept practicing and even though im not perfect rn i do think that i got better. i love giffing tho. its such a nice creative outlet and whenever i gif the boys it brings me so much happiness :( <33

AND YES ASDFGHJKL ME AND HER ARE FRIENDS SINCE A VERY LONG TIME SDFGHJK LIKE LONG BEFORE BOTH OF US GOT INTO BTS SDFGHJ and ah yes the whiplash lmaooooooo and you’re right god the stay gold mv is SO FUCKING PRETTY THE COLOURS IN THAT ENTIRE MV HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND JIMIN AND TAE AND JOON WITH THE DOGGO JUST EVERYTHING SDFGHJK <3333333 AND BS&T DUDE I GIFFED THE MV YESTERDAY AND IM 💀💀💀💀💀 (like i just giffed jimin from the mv but i did watch the whole thing 5647589 times <333333) AND GUESS WHAT!!!!!! I WAS A LILLY SINGH FAN (IDK IF YOU KNOW HER SHE’S A YOUTUBER) BACK IN 2016 AND PEOPLE BACK THEN HAD REQUESTED HER TO REACT TO BS&T MV AND I HAD WATCHED HER REACTION VIDEO AND (although it didn’t stick with me back then because i was a fucking fool) I DID SOMEHOW REMEMBERED THE JIN AND STATUE KISSING MOMENT AND WHEN IN 2020 I SAW THE MV AND SAW THE KISSING MOMENT MY BRAIN JUST!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT I HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE SOMEWHERE AND THEN I REMEMBERED I HAD SEEN THIS IN THE REACTION VIDEO LMAOOOOO i wish i hadn’t been a fool and gotten into them back then :((((

AH NO OMG YOUR STORY IS SOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEE ATLEAST YOU WEREN’T A FOOL LIKE ME TO NOT GET ATTRACTED TO BS&T THE FIRST TIME OF SEEING IT!!!! I WANNA HIT MY 2016 SELF LIKE DAMN YOU YOU FOOLISH ASSHOLE AND yes omg how did y’all do the subs thing damnnnnn i can’t imagine

AND YES THE CANADA RUN EPIS ARE LOOOVVVEEEE and that vmin moment plsssssss i cry everytime 😭😭😭😭😭 it is just so soft and innocent and tae’s little smile after jimin just turns around and hugs him 😔😔😔😔 i love soulmates 😔😔😔😔 AND MIRI YES OMG EVERYONE WAS SO IMPRESSED BY THE LITTLE CUTIE AND THE WAY JUNGKOOK JUST KEPT ADORING HER THROUGHOUT MADE ME SO SO SOFTTTT and bro adam is me. i am like that. lazy and un-motivated AF. although if i were a dog and jin were to be my owner i would listen to him so well and jump on him every chance i’d get 😌😌😌

GOD YES RED HAIR DOPE ERA JIMIN 💀 BABIE BUT MAKE IT SEXY 🥵🥵 AND OMG YESDGFHG MY FAVE ERA IS HYYH. ORANGE HAIRED JIMIN. PLS. HE’S EVERYTHING. I WISH I HAD GOTTEN INTO THEM DURING THAT. LIKE THAT ERA IS ..... SOMEHOW SO FUCKING WILD AND STILL SO ASSURING AND CALMING ????? KEEPS ME ROOTED LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN DFGHJKL AND WINGS TOO DAMN I WISH I WAS HERE TO LIVE ALL THOSE AMAZING ERAS. but even though i wish i had gotten into them earlier... i think i found them when i needed them the most. I was going through a very difficult time last year and they somehow they made me feel so fucking safe and at home that the connection was instant. honestly i’ve never stanned or felt a connection with any celebrity as strong as the one i feel with bangtan. its like... they don’t know i exist but they still know EXACTLY what im feeling and what to say or do at that time to make me feel comforted. Its weird god but its true :((( SORRY I GOT EMO I JUST LOVE THEM A LOT SDFGHJKL

[yyxgin]

as quick as love alarm was progressing compared to other dramas i’ve seen (usually wait ten eps for the first kiss and that’s it) it still seemed,, idk important for the story? n e way.

meteor garden is insanely messy like in the final episode daoming si just mentions everything dong shancai did that makes her so amazing and i honestly forgot they even did some of their things 😳 at one point they went to london and filmed in china town and i was just like ‘oh. i know that place’ and didn’t clock after that 😭

I GOT PEN ON THE BACK OF IT IM SO MAD AT MYSELF ✋✋✋✋✋ but come find me anyway lmao i got a changbin & minho film strip 🤪 can’t have anything nice around here and i learned my lesson the hard way.

i went through a phase when whenever i watched english tv i was like ‘why does this make sense without subs..’ and would be like squinting at the screen until it occurred to me that it was in english.

oh bruh i remember making a bank account the second summer bc my employer was like why tf do you not have a bank account ,, yeesh people had been paying by card for meals and stuff and not cash like the year before. so i made one and then she paid me in cash bc people started paying w cash 😐😑😐😑 i waitress so even though i get anxious about other things, i’m comfortable about waitressing so i am super nice to everyone. i am the designated person who orders for everyone (as long as you point at what you want in case i can’t remember everything i will say it). i know how important it is to be articulated to your server bc if they f up you get mad and they get mad bc ur mad and the chef gets mad bc the server f-ed up and the chef has to cook again and it’s a never ending circle of wishing you’d just gone somewhere else and i hate that. i also get mad at my fam when we go out bc the last time we went out (literally like two years ago now bc covid) there was a guy serving at this place we’re fairly frequent at and i was like maybe he’s training don’t be so mad at him for forgetting things just gently remind him! don’t cuss him out behind his back! there’s so much pressure about not pissing off your colleagues bc there’s a groove they’ve got and you’re just there not wanting to ruin it whilst also meeting customers needs!!

ive been waiting to pass my drivers test for over a year now bc covid has pushed it back and back and back again 😐 i finally get my next test date and i have to ask a different instructor for their car bc my instructor is on annual leave when my test is scheduled. i’m holding it together so i can ask an instructor, buy a car and yeet. the bus is okay but i need my own space sometimes.

i am good w my money im the jungkook of the working class. if there are pots and pans on the go i will take them. free food? count me in. i do have that broke b*tch mindset. although i don’t buy $300 white tshirts i will spend $200 on a day out 😃 and sis,, buy whichever one you like bc of the concept!! it’s always fun seeing the posters (personally i don’t put them up bc how am i gonna have sir johnny suh STARING at me while i get changed,, no THANK YOU) i’ll cry if i ever pull a yuta card bc he looks ✨spicy✨ in all of them.

i think i get what you’re saying about gg’s! boy groups have a wider range. eg, haechan hits those high notes and jeno/mark rap/sing quite low but girl groups can’t. unfortunately i feel like they rely on visuals heavier bc they don’t have the same range bg’s do. itzy are good!! i personally haven’t listen to a lot/watched a lot of their mv’s. i’m more into red velvet for their mv’s. im terrible at watching content so i am slowly working through bts’ content, monsta x’s content and ocassionally nct’s content. im gonna work on mamamoo next 🤞fake fans unite 😔✊✨

it’s so easy to feel invisible here. don’t worry. i’m here to brighten your day! much like a sunflower ~ 🌻

I cant really speak about the importance of the kiss in love alarm since i didnt watch more than the first ep, but i will trust you if you really say so ?? 😳 I WANNA WATCH METEOR GARDEN JUST FOR THE DRAMA DHSNSK

dude dont fucking test me i WILL find your address and i WILL visit you in your sleep and steal all your kpop stuff. MINHO FILM STRIP ??????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

i still watch english things w eng subtitles sometimes bc my first language isn't english so just in case i dont hear something i can always read it you know djsksk

this is my first job so i didnt have to have bank account before but now that i have it i feel very adult😩✋i am so old. i dont like it.

oh no i hate people that arent polite to waitresses like they are just doing their job and its so hard and stressful and i dont want to make their life harder so im just really anxious abt everything in my life ever.

i'm rooting for you on your driving test !! lets hope you make it after such a long time <3

JUNGKOOK OF THE WORKING CLASS NO- thats actually me. also free samples. give me all of them. also i think its completely justified to spend so much on a night out since its for the memories !! #yolo am i right

I AM SO TEMPTED TO ORDER THE ALBUM NOW 😭💔😭 i actually have my posters on my closet and i change inside the actual closet at all times bc me and my brother share a room, so no one's looking at me thankfully haha. well, i do have bts pics on the warderobe next to my bed as well so they watch me sleep every night but we dont talk about that. YUTA CARD i would cry. he for sure does look spicy half the time of his life.

i dont know that many rv songs (the audacity, i know) but seulgi... ah. i watched the sm new years concert and when she appeared i couldnt keep my eyes off her. i should really listen to more of their songs so if u have any recs i am all ears

thank you for brightening up my day sunflower ily mwah😔❤

[subjisoo]

Check In chapter 8

Words: 2k

Genre: ??? idk drama? angst? not sure yet lol

Synopsis: Seungcheol and his best friend Wonwoo have been running a small drug dealing business for the past two years, along with Wonwoo’s boyfriend Mingyu on the books and new recruit Hansol to manage the second hand shop they use as a cover story.

This Chapter: Mingyu goes back to The Shop and sorts things out with Wonwoo. Hansol and Seungcheol r supportive friends god mbless. A lot of hurt n comfort in this one folks

Warnings: n/a

Author’s Note: based on the MV for Check In which I edited into a kind of trailer for this fic and u can watch it here.

Check In: chapter one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / read on ao3

Hansol talked in his sleep. Not enough to disturb Mingyu or to have conversations with, but every so often he would mumble something about “avocadoes are expensive these days” or “I’m not a cow”. When he woke up for a final time, Mingyu was face to face with Hansol, whose eyes were closed as he spoke.

“Seungcheol if you bring that thing anywhere near me I’m going to throw it out the window.”

Mingyu laughed, startling Hansol as his eyes blinked open.

“What, why are you laughing?” Hansol rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hand.

“You sleep talk.”

“Oh shit yeah, sorry I should’ve warned you.” Hansol put his arms over the covers and rested them on his torso. “What did I say?”

“You told Seungcheol that if he brought ‘that thing’ anywhere near you you’d throw it out the window.”

“Oh, that one.”

“What one?”

Hansol turned back onto his side to face Mingyu. “I have this recurring dream about the china cow in The Shop.”

“The creamer?”

Hansol’s eyes went wide. “That’s what it’s for?”

Mingyu laughed, patting Hansol’s shoulder. “Yeah, you put cream in it.”

Hansol nodded, then made a slightly disgusted face. “That’s fucking weird. I think you just made it worse.”

Mingyu laughed again, reaching over to get his phone and seeing he had three missed calls and seven texts from Seungcheol.

“You might want to check your phone,” he told Hansol as he started reading through the texts. They were mostly just asking if he knew where Wonwoo was, then saying that he had found him.

Mingyu was about to call him back when he heard Hansol greet him on his own phone.

“What happened last night?” he looked at Mingyu who was trying to listen. “Hold on, I’ll put you on speaker.”

The start of his sentence was cut off before Hansol put him on speaker. “– Gyu still with you?”

“Yeah I’m here. What’s up, is he okay?”

“More or less. Got back about two hours ago freezing his ass off and trashed. I think he got into a fight.”

“How bad?” Mingyu’s heart started beating hard against his ribcage and he felt an overwhelming wave of guilt.

“He’s been worse, just a black eye. Pretty sure he won.”

“Where is he now?”

“I am currently,” Seungcheol’s voice strained a little as he sounded like he was stepping over or around something. “Standing over him. He’s asleep. He also smells like shit, so there’s that.”

“I should’ve seen him last night. Shit, I fucked up.”

“Did he call you?”

Mingyu felt bad for Hansol, who was completely out of the conversation.

“Yeah, he said you two got into a fight.”

“Oh, that was nothing.” He lowered his voice. “It’s mostly his mum that’s the problem here. He was just pissed ‘cause I cockblocked him.”

Mingyu’s heart dropped into his stomach. “What.”

“Oh shit, no I mean,” Seungcheol sighed and Hansol took Mingyu’s hand in his. “Listen you know how he is, he gets upset and he needs to have sex. So he tried to with Hyejin but I sent her home before anything could happen, so no worries there. Then I was talking him down after his mum went to bed and he,” he paused. “Wait, is Hansol still here?”

“Yeah I’m here.” Hansol squeezed Mingyu’s hand.

“Fuck, sorry about this next part babe.”

“This isn’t about me.”

“Yeah, but I still –”

“Cheol, get on with it.”

“Okay, um. So I was talking him down and he kinda tried to get me in bed with him.”

“Shit,” Mingyu felt his eyes prickling and tried to blink the tears back into his tear ducts. This backfired however, and they ran sideways across his face and down onto the pillow.

Hansol saw and let go of his hand, moving it to his hair and playing with it. Mingyu felt his stress and anxiety dissipate instantly, but the vast devastation he felt behind his sternum was still there.

“He didn’t mean it, Mingyu. You weren’t there and me and Hyejin were, that’s all it was.” He stopped when Mingyu’s throat failed to stifle a sob. “Are you crying?”

Mingyu was relieved when Hansol took over. “Yeah, he is.”

“Shit. Look, I know it’s useless for me to say but I really don’t think you should jump to conclusions until you talk to him. The kid loves you, Mingyu, so so much. He’d never actually go through with anything, even if I hadn’t stopped him.”

“I think he needs to just have a moment to calm down first, then I can walk him over.”

“Okay, thanks babe. I’ll try to distract Mikyung; take her out to lunch or something so you two can have some time together.”

“What about deals? It’s a Saturday so people will be coming in.”

They talked back and forth about the business while Mingyu’s entire body was rocked by wave after wave of grief. He tried to tell himself he couldn’t jump to conclusions, that he needed to talk to Wonwoo, that he needed to just see him and everything would be alright.

He focused back on his surroundings when Hansol stopped rubbing his hair to put his phone back on the desk. Hansol wrapped his arms around Mingyu’s shoulders and pulled him into his chest, one hand on his back and the other back in his hair. Mingyu stopped trying to stay quiet, his sobs muffled instead by Hansol’s chest.

When his crying settled a little, Hansol let him shuffle back again.

“Cheol was right, you need to talk to him.”

“I feel stupid,” Mingyu said, because he did. “Nothing even happened why am I so upset?”

Hansol got out of bed and disappeared into his small bathroom, returning with a toilet roll. He sat on the edge of his bed and tore off a few sheets, passing them to Mingyu.

“Thanks.”

“You’re upset because something almost did happen, that’s not stupid. This is a normal, reasonable reaction to something like that.”

Mingyu sat up, the duvet falling away from him as he blew his nose. “I’m sure I’ll get there and I’ll talk to him and it’ll be fine.”

“But right now, it feels like shit.”

Mingyu laughed wetly. “It’s fucking awful.”

Hansol reached out a hand and Mingyu gripped it like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the earth.

Once Seungcheol gave them the all clear, Hansol walked with Mingyu to The Shop. They paused outside so Mingyu could take a breath before unlocking the door and stepping inside.

The Shop felt different, even thought Mingyu knew it shouldn’t have. It felt cold and stale, and he walked to the stairs without meaning to.

Hansol sat down at the till and started sorting things out, looking over to Mingyu as he still stood staring up the stairs.

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“No, I should do it alone.”

Hansol nodded. “Well I’ll be down here if you need me.”

“Thanks.”

He took another moment to collect himself before he actually went upstairs, unlocking the door at the top and going straight to his room. Wonwoo was asleep on the bed, cocooned in the duvet. Seungcheol’s mattress on the floor was unmade and Mingyu stood on it to get closer to Wonwoo. He sat on the edge of the bed and lightly shook Wonwoo’s shoulder. Wonwoo groaned in response and pulled the duvet tighter around him.

“Wonwoo, it’s me.”

This woke him up, and he turned gingerly onto his back to look up at Mingyu. His left eye was bruised and his eyes were bloodshot. “Hi.”

“You look like shit.”

“Mm. You look beautiful.”

Mingyu smiled down at him. “Have you showered?” Wonwoo shook his head. “Okay, you need to.”

Mingyu stood up and helped push the duvet down Wonwoo’s body, then helping him stand and walking him across the hall to the bathroom. When he stepped into the shower, Wonwoo collapsed down onto the tiles, sliding down the wall. Mingyu caught him well enough that he didn’t hit his head, but he figured he wouldn’t be able to get him back up again.

With a sigh, he undressed him, taking the adjustable showerhead down and pointing it directly at the drain while it warmed up. Wonwoo watched him with hooded eyelids.

Once the water was warm enough, Mingyu took off his own shirt to stop it from getting wet and helped Wonwoo lean forward. He ran the water over his head, down his back, then over his chest and legs. With his free hand, he reached for the shampoo, then handed the showerhead to Wonwoo.

“Can you hold this?”

Wonwoo nodded, holding it with two hands in a fist. Mingyu squeezed some shampoo onto his hands and worked it into Wonwoo’s hair, trying to mimic the way Seungcheol and Hansol had played with his hair. Wonwoo made a sound that was somewhere between a moan and a groan in response. When his fingers got tired, Mingyu took the showerhead from Wonwoo and tipped his head back. With one hand, he supported Wonwoo’s head so it didn’t go back too far, and with the other he ran the water through his hair, rinsing the lather out and down the drain.

Once all the bubbles were gone, Mingyu passed the showerhead back and got a bar of soap, working it into a lather between his hands and distributing it over Wonwoo’s body. Once he was finished with that, he applied a bit more pressure and gently massaged Wonwoo’s arms, back, chest and legs. Wonwoo hummed and smiled a little as Mingyu went. Mingyu took the showerhead from him again and gently rinsed away the soap, turning off the water once he was done and standing to return the showerhead to its holder. He sat down on the step at the edge of the shower and looked down at Wonwoo who looked back up at him.

“Seungcheol told me what happened.”

Wonwoo sighed. “Yeah.”

“I’m upset, Wonwoo.”

“Yeah.”

“Have,” Mingyu had to pause as he felt a lump in his throat. “Have you slept with anyone else since I moved in?”

“No.”

“But how can I trust you? You didn’t even know we were dating until a few days ago, and after last night how.” He inwardly kicked himself for crying.  “How am I supposed to trust you.”

“Because I almost did. But I could never follow through.”

“I know this is hard for you but I need more than that.”

Wonwoo pushed himself up off the tiles with difficulty as Mingyu broke down again. Mingyu hid his face in his hands and felt Wonwoo wrap his arms around him, pulling him into the shower with him and onto his lap.

“Every time I got close to doing anything with anyone else I started to feel gross. I started sweating and my stomach felt bad and like I was going to throw up. A few times I did throw up. When I talked to Seungcheol about it he told me it was guilt. So I stopped.”

“Until last night.”

“Eomeoni is here. Things are different.”

Mingyu let out a long, wet sigh. “I’m sorry I left last night. I should’ve been here for you.”

Wonwoo kissed the top of Mingyu’s head. “It’s okay. It’s a lot to take in.”

“I still should’ve been here to support you.”

Wonwoo hushed him, hugging him tighter. “I’m okay and you’re okay and nothing bad happened.”

Mingyu laughed. “You have a black eye.”

“Do I?”

Mingyu pulled himself up so that he was sitting sideways in Wonwoo’s lap, winding his arms around his neck. “Yeah, it’s not too bad but it’s there.”

Wonwoo frowned. “I think I got into a fight with a bin man.”

Mingyu laughed again, leaning in and kissing Wonwoo. His heart felt lighter and he felt relieved and comfortable, even though his clothes were starting to get wet and the angle was a little awkward.

Before things escalated, Mingyu pulled away, standing up and hooking his arms under Wonwoo’s to hoist him up.

“Come on, you need to get dressed. I’ll make you some coffee.”