#idk if i will actually add a ST muse here

[lncarnon]

im slowly watching ST with @heavenscales & @givethemhellfire so prepare for something maybe?

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 2x9: so dreaded, so exciting, 'Sword!' (yeah, I went there, I've been thinking about this scene - you know the one - since yesterday for some reason)

After two computer malfunctions and a very tough, very sleepless night, here I am with a third attempt to write this post. The universe is against me today. Is Mercury in retrograde or something? Ugh, I just want to get this over with already. And I haven't even managed to see half the episode yet. You better like this cursed post because it's taken me two hours at this point, and will probably take another to finish - and that is if nothing goes wrong this time. Please bear with me. This is my reaction to HSMTMTS 2x9, take 3. Let's hope and pray it's the last one.

I'm normally [unpopular opinion alert] a very spoiler-positive person (it's the combination of anxiety and ADHD and a bunch of other stuff, I suppose), but for this one I've been refraining from looking at the tag all morning, so by now I'm simply bursting with impatience. But before we dive in, I need to get some stuff off my chest.

Some pre-watch thoughts and feelings (let's see how well they will have aged by the end of the episode):

Seriously, what is with whoever writes this show? I know it's impossible, but I feel like they've been toying with my emotions specifically all season. Like:

Ah, so you were a Rini shipper last season? Great, now we'll make them obnoxious and borderline toxic to the point where you actually want them to break up, but then their old chemistry will be back just for the breakup scene so that you can cry your eyes out over the one couple you couldn't stand - even though you can't seem to relate to a single song from Sour, we'll make you feel like you do for a hot second. At least it will remind you that you loved Ricky.

So you say Redlyn own your heart and soul? Great, we'll make you dread something going wrong with them for a week straight, and mess up your sleep schedule beyond repair over it. You're welcome!

We heard you said Rodfini give you life? Perfect, how about a big Seblos fight? And would you like a side of questioning your choice to stan Carlos with that? Because what is life without a little anxiety, a bit of doubt of your ability to read people, and a pinch of existential dread, right?

Ah, so you claimed not to ship Portwell romantically, is that right? Brilliant, we'll make you ship them and then we'll use that to torture you, too.

You've been excited about ABF and Asher Angel guest-starring ever since they were announced? Magnificent! We'll make you hate ABF's character to the point where you can't even look at him, and we'll make you call him names you thought yourself incapable of uttering. And as for Asher, you'll be left waiting for him until the last third of the season, and then you'll dread the possibility of hating his character, too. Do you love us yet?

Oof! Right then, I've got that out of my system. Time to dive in.

Miss Jenn playing around with the backgrounds is, like, 90% of the people who had online school this year, and honestly, I love that for her.

Wait, why is Nini first on this call? Are they going through with the Rose thing? Cos like, the song is nice and all (and, might I add, much more to my taste than nearly all of Sour, don't @ me), but if they use it, it will get them disqualified. They’ve been told that! Gosh, please let me be wrong about this.

We get it, Carlito, rich and fancy and over-the-top is kind of your thing, but have you stopped for a second to think about how others will feel about this? Especially Seb, whom you claim to care about. Seriously, though, I love Carlos and would not hesitate to die for him, but I’m getting the feeling that, unlike my other favourite (you know the one), he wouldn’t do the same for me. Oh well, he’ll figure it out. He’s just a kid. Give him time.

Wait, Milky White? Is that an Into the Woods reference I smell? Cool! If I had a cow, I’d totally name her Milky White (or Gertrude, but don’t ask me why). I just hope they don’t have to, like, take her to the market and exchange her for magic beans, if you catch my drift.

Ahhhhh, Caswell cousins content! We love to see it!

‘You guys are watching, like, old old movies’ WTH, Nini (or is it Nina)? Scary Movie is literally younger than me. But what do you know about it, you 21st-century baby! Ugh, I don’t know why I’m being so hostile today... must be the lack of sleep. Hope it doesn’t influence my reactions to the episode so dramatically as to make me forget how much I love this series. Because I do.

Yay! Big Red is here! I can finally smile. And did Ash just say they’re soulmates? Because yes they are! Ahhh my heart is going to explode.

‘Nini, have you heard from [Ricky]?’ Yikes, awkward... but of course, Big Red can be counted on to save the day here, too.

Ok, so that was a cool cold open. Time for some nice in-person scenes, though. I did not spend all of three semesters doing online school just to have the characters of my favourite series do the same.

Wow, Gina is really embracing that French accent thing! And I really don’t want to think about, erm, ‘Napoleon over here’ right now, but I really think the fact that she’s doing it better than him will be another piece of evidence towards my theory of fake-French!Antoine... ugh, I said his name. Oh well. Back to Gina. Too bad the French thing didn’t work out for her.

Ahhhh, Portwell with Ash in the background! And Ash is going to paint EJ’s nails! I feel like he’s going to end up loving that, despite what he says right now. But seriously, I just love how comfortable these two are with each other. Can you blame me now for shipping them as friends? Well, I mean, it’s obvious they will be more than friends, and somehow, despite the amatonormativity of it all, I’m here for it.

Wait, was that Asher? That was Asher, I’m 100% sure of it. And Gina said ‘a sign’ and then looked at him, even from the back... what am I supposed to think and feel here? I’m confused. Moving on.

Ahh, poor Ricky being a burrito... good thing that breakup scene last time reminded me that I love him, because the entirety of the season before that was very good at making me forget that.

Wait, did she say ‘the Bean’? As in, that Bean? The infamous Bean? LOL.

‘So the only time you two talk to each other is to gossip about me’ Boy, did I feel that. I once got my hands on my dad’s mobile and I... kind of went through his texts with mum. Yep, all about me and my brother. At this point I feel like they’re only together because of us. But this is getting too personal. I’m here about the episode, not to rant about my family. Moving on.

Yikes, looks like Nini’s got writer’s block all over again. Am I supposed to feel sorry for her? Because I kind of don’t. I mean, no hate towards her, none at all, but that entire scene just felt awkward and unnecessary. And not just because it’s her first time going live. That I can understand. What I don’t understand is why the writers can’t seem to do anything creative and interesting with Nini. Olivia is being wasted there. Idk, that’s just how I feel. Again, no hate.

Ahhhhh it’s Asher! And well, he’s not Jonah, but I kind of really like him as Jack. I wonder if that will last.

So is it just me, or is anyone else not quite sure how to feel about Ricky’s mum? I mean, their interactions seem kind of awkward and strained, but that’s how it’s supposed to be given their recent history, and yet something just doesn’t sit quite right with me.

‘You there, Muse? It’s me, Nini!’ Ah, so it’s Nini again? I didn’t get the memo. Gosh, this episode is kind of really underwhelming. The most exciting thing so far (but not nearly as exciting in practice as it was in theory) – Asher and Sofia’s on-screen reunion. The second most exciting thing? The thought of Ash painting EJ’s nails. Everything else? Kind of ‘whatever’. Is this what I tossed and turned about all night? Totally not worth it. This episode better get, like, 300% better right this instant. It’s just not worth all the frustration and excitement and dread so far.

Looks like my prayers from just now have been heard! That improv scene was hilarious! Guess it was lucky that Miss Jenn had them do improv before this moment. But I need to know more of Jack’s backstory now.

Ok, so that was awkward! So Kourtney is talking to Howie again, I guess. And I guess I know now what Carlos did that was all public and no subtle. Still, what’s wrong with posting photos from your holiday? Guess I don’t exactly know yet what Carlos did to piss the others off so much.

Great, now I’m tempted to google butterfly faces. Good thing I’m not eating anymore. *** Ughhhhh this was a mistake! Please don’t ever look a butterfly in the face if you want to stay sane. Don’t be like me.

Ahhh the Duke sweater! ‘Is that your boyfriend’s?’ Well, not quite yet, it’s not... *screams in Portwell*

Oh, now we’re talking! But seriously, Ricky? The ‘my friends think’ card? Why don’t you just say ‘I think’? It’s clearly something you’ve thought about a lot. I feel like I’m going to love this scene or cry over it or both.

Ooh, therapy. It’s not just... basically the entire fandom... who says it now. Please tell me that means Ricky will be going to therapy at some point. Says the girl who is currently firmly refusing to go to therapy in favour of hyperfixating on HSMTMTS and getting back into the good old practice of having imaginary friends... yeah, I’m one to talk.

My, my, my! Seb has really had it now. I mean, it was about time, but... not quite like this. My heart is starting to do some weird stuff, I can feel it. I might need to lie down.

Ok, so as much as I envy North High for getting to see so many shows on BWay – basically living out my dream – stalking East High on Instagram and being shady about them taking a well-deserved break... just goes beyond all limits. I mean, if you’re so into Broadway shows, you should know as well as I do what happened the last time a certain founding father did not take a break. Maybe you’re the ones in need of a break here.

Nini on the call with the Caswell cousins, though... ‘I’m obsessed with both of you’ – first relatable thing she’s said or done all season. And EJ playing with old toys is pure gold.

Oh, so Jack’s dad is a pilot. Makes sense, I guess. I’m kind of intrigued by this guy. Just as long as he doesn’t try to come between Portwell before they’ve had the chance to happen, you know...

Ashlyn might need to stop swooning over Nini’s songwriting or Big Red might get jealous... I mean, I would not have pinned him as the jealous type before 2x7, but ever since then... I guess insecure + dating a girl like Ash = the jealous type. And although that looks good on him, I’d bet anything it doesn’t feel particularly pleasant on his side. So... wait, why am I talking about Big Red? He hasn’t even got anything to do with the scene at hand. But then again, there’s been so little Big Red content in this episode that I seem to be trying to make up for it. Still. Stay focused.

Ooh, so Big Red did edit that video! Is there anything my boy can’t do? Ok, now I feel like he’s even more criminally underappreciated than he was before. But let’s look at the video. I’m curious to see the whole thing because that sneak peek from yesterday simply hasn’t been enough.

That was... really, really cool! I love how they took the ‘when they go low, we go high’ line from last time and run with it. Now if only they were putting as much effort into BATB... North High wouldn’t know what hit them.

Hmmmm... I guess Gina and Jack could be what I originally wanted Portwell to be... really cool friends. Unless it’s one of those ‘airport magic’ things. Oh well. It probably is. Was that all we’re seeing of Asher here? I did not wait 2/3 of the season for this. Though it was nice.

Ooh, Ricky’s solo song... why is there more Rini chemistry in this song than there was in all the season? Not counting the breakup scene, of course. Also, I feel like it’s just as much about him and his mum as it is about Nini. Some say music is the best therapy. I think they might be right. And no, I’m not crying. You are.

The granola bar, though... this episode might have been very underwhelming in the first half, but... it delivered in the Portwell front, and the music was *chef’s kiss*, so I’m willing to let it slide that the advertised Seblos ‘big fight’ was not touched upon nearly enough. Maybe next week...

Ok, now that we’re done watching the episode, let’s see how my feelings from the beginning have aged:

The Rini breakup: apparently, along with reminding me that I love Ricky, it has rendered me unable to look at Nini. What’s up with that? If this is some sort of tactic along the lines of ‘Olivia might be leaving the show so we’re making you hate her character so that you won’t miss her’, it’s not really working. Because I don’t want to hate Nini. Believe me, I don’t.

Redlyn: ok, so there’s nothing wrong with them whatsoever - we even got a ‘soulmates’, which I loved - but first they’re being swept under the rug, and then the antis come at us with that ‘their relationship is underdeveloped’ nonsense. Individually, though, I liked them in this episode (even if there was a significant shortage of Big Red), and Ashlyn collaborating with Nini again was cool, but... what I really wanted to see was her painting EJ’s nails. Did she even get the chance to actually do it? Maybe next week.

Seblos: I’m still failing to understand exactly what Seb thinks Carlos did wrong (please enlighten me if you did catch that, I’m kind of slow), but he (Seb) does have reasons to be mad at him (Carlos)... and at other people, too. Still, if you want to have a fight between two people in a relationship, you could do much better than whatever this episode was. Maybe next week. I notice I’m saying that a lot. Guess I’m putting a lot of hopes on 2x10. I just pray it doesn’t disappoint.

Portwell: boy, am I happy that my frustration on this front did not age well! What I mean is, apparently they’ve decided to bless us, not torture us for once. Even a rather disappointing episode like this one had to have some sort of silver lining. And Portwell is it.

Asher as Jack: well, luckily I didn’t hate him, but... it’s kind of the opposite problem. I loved him and now they’re taking him away from me. Guess I just can’t win here. Oh well. At least he didn’t have the screen time to get in between Portwell...

All in all: 2x10, my hopes and prayers are with you!

[ssincielo]

y’all wanna hear an ooc secret.

it is one in the morning, and while i was doubling back to continuously update her stats, i’ve come to the conclusion that lourdes is, quite literally, loosely based on myself and i tend to write for her the most as a reflection of how i’m feeling. here’s a thesis as to why:

a lot of the locations her story takes place in are based on actual places i grew up in as a kid in new york. (her parents’ apartment is my great-grandfather’s apartment in harlem. the current apartment she lives in now is the apartment my grandparents used to live at in the bronx. i mean, literally basing the rooms and the environment on my memory alone???) and not only that, but certain traits of alonzo / ramone / beatrice / various uncles and aunts are like.......figureheads of my own family members or their family friends. alonzo is very much a loose depiction of my father in his teens and his values. ramone is very much my uncle, but only in personality bc he is doing well, thank u! lucia / beatrice is based off my uncle’s ex girlfriend that me and my sister saw as our aunt. (and apparently st*bbed a guy once???)

and unintentionally, i was putting together a solid foundation regarding lourdes having undiagnosed / unacknowledged PTSD. i mean, she’s a black + brown girl from the hood who grew up around gang activity on a regular basis and dealt with an extremely traumatic personal loss, on top of regularly losing classmates and family members and acquaintances and being subjected to violence for the past five years of her life. it was written subconsciously and i simply decided to acknowledge it fully with this revamp, bc it is very much there and very much apparent in her body language and certain interactions. but i realized after looking through things i’ve written where she has this sort of ‘Everything Is Fine’ dismissive attitude mixed with her hypervigilance, and it sort of slapped me in the face in 4k that i have had this exact dialogue trauma / reactions to trauma with my own dad who will literally say the most Fucked Up, traumatic thing you have ever heard but like....be really chill about it??? and when i’m like ‘what the FUCK were you OKAY’ he was like ‘???? why is my youngest daughter screaming at me to go to therapy. niggas die everyday, what are you talking about? yes someone d*ed in front of me on several occasions but i’m fine’

and that’s pretty much how lourdes operates. very extreme scales of underreacting to violence, to assuming that everything is a set up and panicking and reaching for the nearest weapon if she’s backed into a corner. 

plus, as i’m writing this, it’s made me realize that. i feel like lourdes, in a sense, is what me or my sister would have turned into if my immediate family didn’t leave the state so young. between what i know now and the stories from my mother and father of how they came up and what they’ve seen, it’s this sort of projection of sorts. and yea we all add some razzle dazzle of personal attributes in their muses, but i also tend to write for lourdes and be the most inspired when i’m in a happy place. when i’m questioning myself and my writing and often in depressive episodes, lourdes tends to go quiet while my more ‘put together’ muses come out as i try to recover myself. which is why her absence throughout late 2016 - early 2017 as a muse makes more sense to me despite me going “lol she was boring”. like no girl shes just Me. idk. 

it really do be like that sometimes.

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Dolokhov Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Dolokhov playlist annotations!

A note on the cover photo: I don’t really like this one but I got tired of looking at men on Pinterest so I gave up. The window symbolizes the rum window and the smoking symbolizes uhhhhh habitual bad life choices idk

Drinking game take a shot every time I say “it’s about the vibes”

Wrecking Ball - Mother Mother

“I break it just because I can”

This is THEE ‘I am going to cause problems on purpose’ song and that is like his entire narrative purpose!! Argue with me about this one I dare you

The Good, The Bad, and the Dirty - Panic! At The Disco

“If you wanna start a fight you better throw the first punch, make it a good one”

Partially its just vibes, I won’t lie. But also the consistent spoiling for a fight is very in character

Shoot to Thrill - AC/DC

“I’m like evil, I get under your skin”

It’s got I Am Morally Repulsive But Also I’ll Steal Your Girl energy which really hits all of Dolokhov’s character traits. And of course the added bonus of gun imagery.

Mr. Brightside - The Killers

“It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this”

I added it strictly for vibes, but then I realized the quoted lyric is very much him @ the Kuragins if you take the reading that he refuses to admit he actually like them but grows genuinely fond of them over time even though he initially got to know them with a lot of ulterior motives.

Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

“Mama, I just killed a man”

The amount of songs that are on these playlists just for what are essentially your mom jokes since Dolokhov loves his mom so much is a little pathetic. But I’m not wrong! I can’t really put it into words but something about this song has Dolokhov energy.

Feel It Still - Portugal the Man

“Give in to that easy living, goodbye to your hopes and dreams”

A good deal of what I find interesting about Dolokhov is the internal conflict he has of knowing he’s become rather wicked and problematic but also not really trying very hard to change and almost enjoying it so a lot of the songs on here are about that, including this one. The “I’m a rebel just for kicks now” also very much screams Causing Problems On Purpose.

The Bidding - Tally Hall

“I like to take advantage of the bourgeoisie”

His whole role in volume one and two is to take advantage of the bourgeoisie! This song also oozes confidence and a sense of superiority that comes from being better than the sellouts in high society, Dolokhov’s not like other girls uwu (he really is, but I don’t think he would admit that).

Say Amen (Saturday Night) - Panic! At The Disco

“I could be better but baby it’s Saturday night”

Embracing his own wickedness! The idea that he knows he could be better than he is but he doesn’t want to take that opportunity...yeah vibes

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy

“I became such a strange shape from trying to fit in”

This is the epitome of the “woe is me I need to be purified” phase he goes through when he’s into Sonya. Also “I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color” reminds me of Comet Dolokhov’s stupid eyeliner <3

Some Nights - fun.

“So what is this? I sold my soul for this?”

There’s a long stretch of this playlist that just boils down to “Woe is me I need to be purified” crisis hours, because Dolokhov’s oscillation between embracing his own cruelty and trying to be a good person is super interesting to me. This song captures the idea that he’s still having fun and there’s some good there, but he’s also aware that he’s losing himself a bit

Roaring 20s - Panic! At The Disco

“I don’t even know me”

“Woe is me i need to be purified” crisis AGAIN. This song gets more to the annoyance with society as a whole and feeling kind of lost in it

Send Them Off! - Bastille

“Help me exorcise my mind”

“Please purify me 16 year old girl! I’m 27 this isnt creepy at all ahahahha”. I do despise Sonyakhov but this has the vibes of a man feeling his own evil and wanting a woman to fix it. Not a great look.

Easy Days (Demo) - Bastille

“I don’t wanna fall back again, back into the easy days”

Near the end of the “woe is me I need to be purified” phase when he’s kind of drifting back to his old ways and he’s like wait no- wait- and then he does anyway because he’s horrible. I also really like the acknowledgment that his horribleness is easy and pleasant for him, and he has to fight against that (and he loses that fight HDJAJJD).

Undisclosed Desires - Muse

“You trick your lovers that you’re wicked and divine”

This is a Dolokhov/Nikolai song I do not take constructive criticism. Undisclosed desires...not being straight...lots to think about! It feels almost like a corruption arc? Nikolai isn’t corrupted nor does their...fling (?) last very long but Nikolai is obviously enamored with Dolokhov despite him being The Worst so I think this fits. I don’t have enough songs for a Nikolai/Dolokhov playlist so I just add those songs to both of their individual playlists

Thnks fr th Mmrs - Fall Out Boy

“Thanks for the memories even though they weren’t so great”

Also mostly a Nikolai/Dolokhov song. This man has never ended a relationship on good terms, huh. Also. Sighs heavily. “He tastes like you only sweeter” never fails to make me laugh when I think about it in the context of Dolokhov post-duel being like oh?? You’re just a stupid WOMAN Hélène your brother and/or Nikolai is hotter than you :/ which is not exactly what I think happened but it makes me laugh to consider. Dolokhov ur bitterrrrr

Dangerous - Royal Deluxe

“I’ll be the last man standing here, I’m not going anywhere”

I feel like this has the vibes of his cruelty, especially in that bit after the Kuragins have died when he and Petya infiltrate the French army.

Another One Bites The Dust - Queen

“There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man”

He will hurt you and kill you so violently :) It’s about the vibes.

White Wedding Pt. 1 - Billy Idol

“It’s a nice day to start again”

In the exact inverse to his “woe is me I need to be purified” phase, he’s like ok yes i will pick up bad habits again and enjoy them because frick you! I read once that this song is about a relapse into drugs, but I’m making it analogous to his relapse into Terrible Person Behavior after Sonya’s rejection. Also the repetition of the phrase little sister does something for my brain idk, after we know he loves his mom and sister it just fits.

Highway to Hell - AC/DC

“I’m on the highway to hell and I’m goin down”

Like White Wedding, it screams acceptance of his problematicness. He knows he’s cruel and evil and he revels in it. This is the phase we see him in most I think.

Back in Black - AC/DC

“It’s been too long, I’m glad to be back”

I think this plays every time he gets reinstated to an army position he lost by being reckless earlier. Just kidding sort of but listen to this song and tell me it doesn’t have Dolokhov vibes. If you do, you’re wrong <3

Poet - Bastille

“I have written you down now, you will live forever”

This is just here cause he ghostwrote Anatole’s love letters and I think it’s funny. It’s MY playlist and I get to choose the barely relevant Bastille songs

St. Jude - Florence + The Machine

“Maybe I’ve always been more comfortable in chaos”

This one’s more scattered lyrics than an overall vibe. “Each side is a loser so who cares who fired the gun” has duel energy also.

Hey Look Ma, I Made It - Panic! At The Disco

Confession: I hate this song. However, it’s about the about the MOM R U PROUD OF ME vibes (she is. Should she be? Probably not).

Rich Kids - Bea Miller

“It’s never enough for the stuck up types”

The not coming from wealth and having to almost scam your way into being part of the aristocratic scene is very Dolokhov. Also in my mind the rich kid he’s roasting is specifically Nikolai.

Money, Money, Money - ABBA

“It’s a rich man’s world”

I’m not SAYING the wealthy man they talk about is Anatole but - [i am shot]. Scheming and clawing your way up to wealth is Dolokhovcore.

This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco

I literally have no justification for this other than that i think modern AU Dolokhov would vibe with it. Look at the amount of eyeliner he wears in Comet and tell me he didn’t have an emo band phase. You can’t.

Trouble’s Coming - Royal Blood

This is not about the words at all, it’s more about the vibes. It just sounds Dolokhovish to me, don’t ask me to explain.

Sleep Alone - Two Door Cinema Club

“They’re just ghosts and they can’t hurt him if he can’t see them”

This gives me post-Kuragins’ death vibes, and I can’t pin down exactly why? I think it’s the idea of being very alone and closed off.

Golden Days - Panic! At The Disco

I can’t put a specific lyric to it but it’s the vibes of looking back on your hedonistic youths with nostalgia and rose-colored glasses. Post-Kuragins’ death vibes again.

Go Get Your Gun - The Dear Hunter

“One foot in the grave, the other one’s kickin’ its way right down to hell”

All we see of him after the Kuragins’ death is just him being particularly cruel and reckless, almost careless. This feels like it encapsulates that energy.

The Fallen - Franz Ferdinand

“They say you’re a troubled boy just because you like to destroy”

I’m aware that a good portion of this song is about a Christ figure but I’m going to respectfully ask you to ignore that bit and just focus on all the Sketchy Things the guy does instead. Thank you. He does in fact like to destroy things! Señor Cause Problems On Purpose back at it again at krispy kreme, huh.

[ohcxssidy]

HI babies i’m kristin and i’m so excited to be BACK bc i love veritas w my whole entire heart and?????? wow. i’m sick and got sent home early from work because of it so i’m a tired binch but i’m here and ready 2 party. i meant to have an insta graphic and playlist done but,,,,,, yikes. so maybe i’ll post those later. if you’d like to plot (or keep with the old plots we had for old members) give this a LIKE or give me a message on here or discord!!!!

stats page // connections page // pinterest board

the basics!

full name: cassidy turner skeleton: the influencer age: 21 major: musical theatre clubs: theatre, campus media (photographer), campus radio job: waitress at giovanni’s

the rest

tw: mentions of death, depression, alcohol

sO cassidy is the oldest of five kiddos. she’s got a twin brother that she’s older than by ten minutes, a half brother (13), and two half sisters (15 and 11)

cass and her twin brother were born in ashmont, ct to rebecca turner and an unknown man (to the twins anyway). their mom always claims it was a fling. he was a musician, and he had left before she found out she was pregnant.

so here you have a 20 year old suddenly now raising twins on her own. she actually did pretty well for the most part and raised her kids to be gr8

cassidy doesn’t ever TRY to be bitter abt it but sometimes it just,,,, happens??? and she hates herself for it bc he didn’t know but how do u leave a pregnant lady on her own idk

when the twins were four, their mom met a  man and eventually married him!! they had three kids over the next few years, which now upped the kiddo count to 5 and they were one big happy family!!!

tbh cass saw him as her father, since he was around from when she was really young, and he was a big part of her life growing up

around this time she met daisey and the two became fast friends!! they spent basically every day together throughout their childhood (more on that later)

but THEN, tragedy struck (bc why would i let my muses be happy who do u think i am)

when cassidy was 15, her step father unexpectedly passed away, and the family was left without any direction. they didn’t have a lot of money to begin with, but now one income to feed six people was not an easy task.

with the combination of grieving, money stress, and probably fear,  her mother fell into a deep depression, finding a coping mechanism through booze. she lost her job along the way, and slowly the money that was left was fading fast.

cass and her twin brother basically took that as a sign that they needed to take responsibility to keep their family alive, so they immediately took up any jobs they could find, just to keep money coming in.

most of their paychecks went into a bank account that would help the kids get by, since their mother didn’t do much of anything to help anymore.

this situation really tore up cassidy’s relationship with her mom, and most of what she feels is resentment and anger towards her mother, even though her brother doesn’t have that same opinion.

around this same time, her friendship with daisey started to fall apart, quicker than she would have imagined. it was a natural drift, coming apart due to daisey’s increasing popularity and cassidy’s lackthereof. nothing was malicious, which made it even tougher. she still misses that friendship sometimes, despite what others say about the girl.

throughout high school, cassidy worked her hardest to get high grades, because she knew that without a scholarship she wouldn’t be able to afford college otherwise.

she hardly got anything below an A, was involved in everything club that she could, and graduated as the salutatorian. she worked hard enough to receive enough scholarship money to cover most of her cost in school.

she’s currently in her final year as a musical theatre major!!!! she’s a nerd abt it too don’t open up a conversation about theatre unless u wanna lose a few hours

(here’s where i start pulling things directly from  my app so they’re getting longer)

cassidy has been involved in so many creative arts let me tell u. she discovered her first love in theatre at seven years old, which was soon followed by singing and dance lessons within the year. throughout the next decade, her love for the performing and the visual arts only grew over time, and some new passions were also discovered.

she also found that she had a talent in photography and writing when she was in high school after a friend convinced her to sign up for the yearbook. what started as just a way to gain another credit and add to her college applications turned into a passion that she would continuously want to pursue. it wouldn’t be her career, but she’d always find a way to keep doing it.

because of these passions, it was no surprise that cassidy would take to social media as another creative outlet. what started out as just posting videos from theatre performances on youtube began to grow into something more, and before she knew it, she was a recognizable name on the platform. she hadn’t planned on becoming an internet personality, but  now that she has, she wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

cassidy has been actively posting videos on youtube for about three years now (essentially since starting college), and her channel currently has about 120 thousand subscribers. her channel mainly focuses on theatre related content, vlogs, advice, and a handful of videos related to bullet journaling and challenges.

a lil hc- cass’ channel is basically a  mix of katherine steele and jenna marbles

she also has a pretty strong following on instagram, so she’s all abt aesthetics and making her page always look neat and pretty

cassidy can be described as a walking advice column disguised as a mom friend. she is incredibly warm and welcoming, (which can even be seen in the clothes she chooses to wear), and she always has a kind word or smile to give anyone that crosses her path on a day to day basis.

she has been known in the past to strike up a conversation with a stranger, just because she liked their shirt, or they share the same coffee order. if someone comes up to her on the street needing advice, she’ll give it to them in a heartbeat, even it’s a simple “dump him”. she’d probably give you the shirt off her back if you asked her nicely (pls ask nicely)

she doesn’t like to make a habit of sharing some of the deep dark past things that were mentioned earlier, mainly because of how many of her classmates come from money. because of this, she’s never truly felt like she fit in amongst the wealthy community that attends and surrounds the university. she’s always trying to fit in with her peers, but nothing ever seems to be enough.

ever since the news of daisey’s disappearance, cassidy has truly been at a loss for words, or even thoughts. for almost fifteen years of her life, there had hardly been a day where cassidy  wouldn’t see daisey’s face, even in passing between classes after their friendship ended. since then, she still looks for her as she walks around campus, as if the whole thing was a dream, and daisey rutherford is still around and running st. etienne university.

okAY now its time for some lil fun facts and hcs!!

stans john mulaney don’t @ me

cries all the time bc a bitch is fuLL of emotions lskfjsldk. soft commercial? tears. she’s happy? crying. she saw a dog on the street?? grab the tissues. she’s a mess

her style varies but she always keeps a jacket or sweatshirt in her bag bc she’s cold a lot but also comfort™

started working in campus radio her freshman year just to try it out but now she rlly loves it!!!!!

has been in a ton of shows throughout her childhood. if you feel like looking at a mild shitpost i made for her, check out cassidy’s theatre resume (which is normal until the bottom)

honestly? just wants to give everyone hugs

this is so long im tired the end