#idk im tired but i said i'd write one today SO HERE U GO

[munamania]

kk i’m torn between am i ever gonna say anything like. fr to her. or just let this go. i don’t think i can let it go ik you don’t need to closure in every situation but like. i do this time. but im in no rush to have the feelings talk. actually i am it’d be nice to just get it out

[leclerking]

max x reader (you)

enemies to lovers slow burn or fast burn idk idc

write a self indulgent fic when you're drunk

slayyyyyy im drink rn girlie lets write some fan fictionnnn

do i make this aesthetic? ok maybe i make it aesthrtic

MV01 | ★ BRO WHATS YOUR NAEM?

so its a clubbing scene. im drinking as usual. i want to dance but my friends arent dancers. they're also tired. a man comes up to me and i instantly want to rail him.

he says " you wannt to dance?? ' i said " Yeah dude all night' . so we're on teh dance floor and we're dancing and my friends are at a distance somehwer in the club

then i fall tired so i left to ge t a drink and join my friends, just as i sit down with them, this man. built like a tree. same one from earlier comes back and says lets dance again come on. i was tired but he was handsome so i wen back to dance. then again i was tired so i came bk. and so did he. "come onnn the night is young lets go back" he pleads with a huggee smile. as if he slept with a hanger in his mouth

"dude WHO EEVN ARE YOU AND HOW DO YOU STILL HAVE THE ENERGY??' i asked as i was close to passing out. (just like rite now while i amm typing this)

but he just smiles and takes my hand and i follow him and we're again having fun on the dance floor. soon enough i couldnt do tjis anymore so i tell my friends that we can leave. and we'er sitting on a bemch outside waiting for our uber AND GUESS WHO SHOWS UP!

"you want to catch a drink later someday again?"

i only stare at him. what does he even mean?? " i dont live in this city, i'm here for like 5 days. also WHO ARE YOU i still domtknow your name yet!! how will i even find you??'

'so u do want to find me? " he smirks " if we have one last dance left togther, maybe we will find eachother " and with that he left.

------------------------- im so tired im going to continue this when im drunk mext time i hop e i dont forget the storu--------------------------

HI I DDI NOT FORGET WE ARE BACK HELLO!

OKAY so now this is probably the next day or the day before we leave the city (i dont know which citty)

im in the lobby with my friends, just back from a whole tiresome day of site watching ? seeing?? the city. im waiting to get something frm the recption and i hear his voice.

" you're here??" "omg dude are you stalking me ?????" i ask with a smile! LIKE WHY AM I SMILING ??!!

" nope. my friend actually lives hre. i came to drop her off "

" you have a girlfriend?" "would not you like to know??"

" nvm i dont, bye"

"okay wait, shes just a friend, and besides i came to drop her AND her boyfriend." and idk what to say, i wanna ask him out but whats the point ill leave tomorrow...

" would you like to go out today? i know this really really great place that has a great salsa night..." not like the dip like the dance!

"sure i'd love that" why am i brushing like an idiot. i told him i'd meet him down in just a few minutes. and sooner than later we were at this beautiful place, you could see the coast. so many people were dacing through tje entire street.

and then so were we. one mimosa after another. one song after another and we were both super drunk and laughing anf giggling and dancing and just having the greatest time ever.

and we continued to have a great time even after we got back to my room. im sure we had great sex. and we wer arguing about something i dont remmbr and having a roast contest. thats all i remembr.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

because when i woke up, he was gone. not a single trace. no note, nothing... AND I STILL DIDNT KNOW HIS NAME. was he just a ghost? perhaps my drunk imagination or halusination...

went down for breakfast and met my friends. and they asked me about last night. AND I ASKED THEM FOR CONFIRMATION " SO I WASNT THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD SEE HIM??"

maybe he was real.. but i had to leave in a few hours. maybe he would just have to remain a core memmory to me in this city. and it sucks because he has the cutest smile, and the best energy when it came to dancing.

the whole time, in the taxi, the airport , the flight.. okay maybe no tthe flight because i usually fall asleeep. i thought about him and waht a wonderful time we had.

would i ever see him again??

------------------------

I want to take this time annd appretiate some of my friends or moods as they say on thos web site. It is 3 am her

@crimsonicarus @lesharl-eclair @sebsore @sebscore @jelloecat @hellocat? @jelliecatz @scuderia-leclerc starcentral @strkctrl @stqrsctrl @deadaydreams @fhumingrace you guys salllaayyyyyyy 💗🤍💕❤️💔💌❤️‍🩹💟❤️‍🔥🫦💋

OH WAIT AND @KRIKRISYERR I for the lyf of me caaannot spell this useeename but they give me the best f1 fic recs

This account has lit rally Turner into my safe space 😭😭😭😭😭💗💗💗💗

[bullshit-bulltrue]

so science lab was fucking insane today bc we had a substitute .

i had to be mean to someone, almost got hit with a chancla, found out a guy i liked in elementary has a crush on me, and i ended up falling asleep in the midst of it all

and bc i wanna type the rest in a weird format, here u go:

me: *leaves at the end of class* *goes to locker bc holy shit i just found out a guy likes me* *gets pissed bc shit don't be adding up* *contemplates why he would like me* lowkey gets mad 💀* *screeches + punches my locker and leaves a small dent* (...oopsie) *closes my locker and takes a deep breath*

ben: *pops up outta nowhere* (awoop jumpscare) (but in a good way) hey! *does a lil wave*

me: hi!

ben: yo your class was REALLY loud. we could hear you guys all the way from our room.

me: yeah it was ten times louder inside.

ben: damn

*pauses for a minute bc we kept bumping into each other since everyone else is fucking bumping into us*

me: hey did Mr e. play the gummy bear song for you guys and make you all dance?

ben: yeah *kinda embarrassed*

me: i figured, i heard it playing from the hallways lol

ben: well you guys were way louder lol

me: yeah its bc we had a sub

ben: ohhh that makes sense

me: everyone went crazy i swear. people running everywhere, almost got hit with a chancla

ben: wait what?!

me: yeah someone took aaron's slipper and threw it over my head. that was fun.

ben: oh wow

me: surprised i got out of class in time

ben: why's that?

me: oh i fell asleep and barely woke up before the bell

ben: you can fall asleep in there??? it was fucking loud

me: yeah, i can fall asleep if im tired enough

ben: wow

*we walk out the building doors and head toward the front of the school*

ben: hey did you finish the english essay?

me: i haven't even started it

ben: oh i finished it already

ben: ah..

me: yeah its due tonight so i'm just gonna scrape smth together

me: that was a joke. um, a bad one. it's not that hard, so i'll finish it up in no time. besides, we only have to write like 2 paragraphs minimum

ben: uhh yeah i *might* have written a more than two paragraphs..

me: what, like four?

ben: um.. more

me: seven? six?

ben: one less

me: five? omg, good job

ben: and i'm thinking of coloring in the drawing too. aiming for that extra credit 😎 but idk yet (he was joking. our school doesn't allow extra credit)

me: thats good! and hey as long as you have some pretty solid writing, i wouldn't worry too much about the drawing.

ben: yeah. oh and uhm i'll show you my writing tomorrow (we have english Okay!

me: okay! *about to leave*

ben: wait a minute! i actually have a picture of it saved, because i sent it to [insert persons name i dont remember]. *shows me the picture of the writing and drawing* me: wow, that's really good!

ben: yeah i actually don't know how many paragraphs that is lol (he didn't use indentations) and i still don't know about coloring it in

me: i'd say that's about 4-5. and, as i said, don't worry too much about coloring it in. you have a good amount written, so you should get a solid grade on that. and the diagram for your drawing looks good. if anything, maybe highlight the main parts. so it's bold you know?

ben: okay, thanks!

me: yeah, anytime! ever need help, just ask.

ben: okay!

me: see ya later!

ben: yeah, bye!

so yeah <3

also i figured out what was different abt him

so yk that part where ur hairline ends? yeah he got it. it was bugging me all day bc I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was different lol

[shurisneakers]

Are we gonna get a drabble/additional scene of the laser tag game mentioned in ch 17?

UNEDITED GARBAGE SHIT DRABBLE ON THE HOUSE BC IT’S VALENTINES DAY AND IM RUSTY BUT I MISSED THEM

it’s not exactly that specific game but one of the lazer tag games in the future!

Catch up with the rest of the series here!

“Alright. Look at me.” Clint drags his fingers towards his eyes. “Grandpa Frisbee. I’m talkin’ to you.”

Steve doesn’t look too impressed.

“We got one shot,” he continues. “Don’t fuck it up.”

“Applies to you all too,” Sam repeats to his group. Clint glares at him as if he’s stolen strategies hidden deep in his archive. Having Sam’s nonchalance balanced out Clint’s annoying competitiveness, but only to a certain degree.

“You heard him Bucky,” you pipe up. “Don’t fuck it up for us.”

Bucky’s nose twitches but he doesn’t give you attention, knowing fully well it’d fuel you further.

“We’re not on the same team,” he replies instinctively, voice robotic.

“We literally are.” Not that he could help it. It’s not his fault that the team didn’t have any other friends to balance out the number of members needed. Losers.

“Not my choice,” Bucky grumbles.

“Shut up, the both of you,” Clint barks. Bucky can’t wait for the game to start because he’s about two seconds away from beating him over the head with the laser gun. “Alright, team. Let’s get their ass.”

“Please don’t break anything,” the guy from the reception says timidly. “Again.”

____

Bucky doesn’t bother flexing how good he is at the game because everyone knows. Decades worth of stealth training leaded up to this moment in his life.

He fires a quick shot off, getting Tony right in the chest. He whips around wildly, giving a string of curses in perfectly accented Italian before storming off.

Bucky relaxes, partly because he’s already hit each member on the opposite team at least once and his own group members were nowhere to be seen.

He stalks through the arena, dodging shots that come out of seemingly nowhere, just because someone breathes a little too loud or he sees the fraction of a reflection off the plastic.

He’s long given up on trying to find you. He hasn’t seen you since the game started and he’s convinced it because you’ve somehow left the arena to preserve your points.

“Rogers at ten o’clock,” Sam’s disembodied voice calls out from behind a giant foam wall and Bucky whips around, silent as the night as he fires a shot before Steve can even step out. 

The sly smile on his face has Bucky narrowing his eyes.

It’s too late to figure out it’s a set up when someone noisily jumps out from where Bucky was facing just a few seconds ago.

Bucky has his gun raised in defense but in a flash, the lights on Wanda’s suit goes off. She’s been hit. Her face twists into one of annoyance as she stalks past him.

It’s a great plan unfortunately foiled. But not by him.

He waits until everyone clears from the area and a flash of light from the other end of the arena lights up Vision’s face.

“Look how the turn tables.” It’s followed by the sound of you mimicking the cocking of a gun, laser gun falling to lean on your shoulder. “I just saved your life.”

“I had her covered,” he grumbles.

“Sure you did.” You grin at him. “Gold star for you, baby.”

“You hiding there instead of being out on the field?” Bucky does a quick sweep of his eyes around the area to make sure no one else was around. “Didn’t take you for a coward.”

“Cowardice is hardly the same as hardcore strategy, Barnes.” You tsk. “You know, If you’re nice to me, I’ll let you share my super secret vantage point. I’ve been offing people this whole time and no one’s got me even once.”

“Woah, no way,” he says before clearing his throat and calling out loudly. “Hey, guys. Look who I fou-"

You hiss at grab at him, muffling his voice and pulling him to the corner. If he wasn’t dressed in his usual vintage emo attire of all black, he’d probably be visible from half the block.

“If you wanted to be all pressed up against me, you just had to ask, Bucky,” you mock, and he recognizes it from an era that seemed too long ago.

“Y’know, this is a decent point to keep watch,” he mumbles instead.

It’s not to keep his voice down, as he comes to learn, when he realises how close you are to him. Hell, you were right. One arm‘s worth of distance away, he can hear everything in stunning clarity; right from your heart beat to the shifting of your balance to another foot.

“I know.” You beam at him, looking around. “Impressive, right?”

“Wouldn’t go that far.”

“That’s just the jealousy.” Your voice is nearly drowned out by the cacophony of pew pews as Steve curses loudly. 

He’s supposed to be covering someone. It escapes him now, he’s too transfixed on something else entirely.

"Well, would you look at us?" You wiggle your eyebrows. “Dark corner, total privacy.

He’s very aware of Clint screaming in the background but no one cares about that.

"Mhm." He's trying to save up on his words before he loses all of it.

"What if I was double-crossing you, huh?"

"Imagine that," he says, humouring you.

"Hm." You cast a glance over your shoulder. "This is real saintly of you, Barnes."

He snorts. "This was your idea."

"Maybe so." You take a tiny step closer to him, hand finding a place on his chest. "You're not supposed to be going along with it."

"Funny how things work out, ain't it?"

Someone shouts in the background again. He wants to kiss you, hard.

You press the gun into his chest. "I could pull the trigger."

"S'ppose you could." Bucky stares right into your eyes.

"And then what?"

"And then what?" he repeats.

"And then I make a lot of people mad."

"As always."

"Yeah, but these are your friends." You sound conflicted. "What if they hate me afterwards?"

"They like you better than me." He closes the rest of the distance between you, reducing it down to the size of the barrel. "Shitty judgement."

"It's called taste." You can't stop yourself from smiling. "D'you think it's worse to have Clint be mad at me or Sam?"

"I hate both of them."

"That's not what I asked."

Still, he thinks it's important for you to know.

"We gotta go," he whispers, face inches away from yours. "I'm their best marksman."

"That'd be me actually," you contest but shut up when you feel his lips ghost over yours.

You can tell why they consider him a good strategist, because you’re only about two seconds away from just saying fuck you to the game entirely and carding your hand through his hair.

Until there's a zap and the lights on your suit go off.

You look down at where his gun points to your stomach. Shot.

When you look back up he's smiling wide, already a step away.

"Did you-"

"Imagine that."

"I'm on your fuckin' team." Your jaw drops. Motherfucker.

"Eh." He gives you a quick kiss because he just can’t help it, before sauntering off to find Sam. "I like it better when you're not."

[notmuchofarolemodel]

It's 4 a.m

I'm still awake

Thinking of all the

shit

I've done

I've been told to meditate

ican'tican'tican't

it's called 'loving kindness'

the practice.

I was supposed to start by saying kind things to myself

but it became clear that I couldn't do that

either.

I tried sending love to other people.

but I couldn't decide who

so many people deserve

more

Than I've given them.

does laying

out

these words

d

i

f make me cool? quirky?

f I'm a shallow self-absorbed kid.

e

r i play ukulele ffs

e

n

t

l

y

I HATE PEOPLE

i hate me

i read three books today. people think im so clever. they're dissapointed when they find out the truth

SMART PEOPLE SLEEP DAMNIT

i have two running commanteries

in my brain

One is where The other is a web

It's like I'm of confusion but

Being constantly. blindingly clear

Watched or Thoughts.

Interviewed

.

noise

Is it better to have no noise?

when i put the headphones on, i hear nothing. Is it nice? no. my head is echoing. Ah, early morning paranoia. WHO'S CALLING MY NAME? I rip them off. No noise. My clock ticks.

I breathe. Something Hits my window. (under no circumstances look up) but the space between the noise is

a g o n i z i n g l y SILENT.

I don't listen for the noise that could shatter the void. but they're invading my ears like caterpillars, if they liked inhabiting ears. someone's downstairs. Footsteps. They're going to kill us all. "WHO'S THERE?!" I scream. silently. nobody. I'm crazy.

I try to block out the thoughts, and memories of what I've said to hurt people.

OK WHY AREN'T I TIRED?

I'm too tired to get up

though. Not uncommon. still.

I CAN'T SLEEP

I wish I could write songs.

but I can only do whatever the hell these are.

you know when the teacher falls silent and you know you're in trouble? I hate that.

I hate answering teacher questions

I hate being scared

I DON'T LIKE VERY MUCH NOWADAYS

I have to do the things I hate though

mY hoMeWoRK lOOmS in front of me. like something stuck in a door hinge. I can't shut the damn door on it and enjoy myself.

because i 'NEED' to do the stupid stuff(not what a need is defined as in business studies) but I don't.

hypocrite

adj. (1)/ me

i dislike people

I'm not unhinged but I'm desperate for someone to view me as normal

c a n' t y o u s e e

I act like this as a defense?

If the weirdo does something weird it's because she's weird so it's not questioned, but if other people do the same thing, they're judged ad ridiculed and pitied and Hurt and i don't want that

how can I so crave attention from other people but want to be left alone at the same time?

I don't want to sleep

I don't like the

lying sTILL LIKE a log

thing. Too much thinking.

I can't channel them into anything

When I was little I loved dressing up girly and fixing things. Pretending to build bookshelves with my plastic power tools. building bookshelves with my dad. I'm not asked to help with that stuff anymore. then I'm called lazy? I wonder why?? Hypocrites. I wonder where I get it from.

I gained like [lots of] kilos in a year. Yes growing, and yes hips and shit, yes I was really skinny but still

f a t t y ✓

hm. I need a shower.

It's 5:05 a.m

my parents think I don't get enough sleep anyway. shit.

Last time this happened, they didn't believe me so it's fine.

I'm a tad dizzy.

bystander

The world is too awake

For me to sleep

but yet I can only watch it go by.

the moon. How bright

For a ball of cheese.

C O M E D Y

lockdown is more busy than non lockdown

I feel numb

Indifferent

numb

OW. I dislike emotions.

huh.

I wish people would stop commenting.

"you're eating too loud"

*Insert laugh here*

"stupid"

*pitying look*

ok maybe it's not just comments.

the little ones hurt the most

when they didn't expect you to care about something stupid. About you.

I really wanted this jumper (profile pic) but they're sold out and were limited edition. FB said there was one left.

This started as a poem thing.

funny.

My pencil is running out.

I wrote it originally in watercolor pencil.

A bit of water and "all gone"

they were my first words .

my logical thought takes over and tells me my irrational thoughts are stupid. And me. I can't tell them apart anymore.

h

P i L os OPHY

gotta make it into a joke as per usual

hehe I'm nocturnal. ♪

WOULDIWAS SHOOKSPEARED

i want my phone back now. It's 7 minutes past 5:05 a.m. I'm sick of thinking.

I need a haircut

I don't like acting anymore because I dislike thinking about my emotions and acting is trying to harness these emotions that I've got locked away

[NOTE: my organs could implode somehow for some reason somehow]

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Emotion layered leftovers

1+2 constantly refreshed, not deep, happy sad angry etc.

They're the ones ppl see

3. Stuff. If I trust u, u get this mess

4. Lol idk

5+6 stagnant sad shit. Fermenting.

Haha my therapist would like my emotion kombucha. Yum. I'd like a therapist. Y O M

I'M DONE WRITING NOW

〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜