#idk what im even saying anymore injust have no one to tell and i dont want to stress out everyone around me

[fleimkepagriffin]

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[xxatinyminionxx]

Hi! Btw I'm the anon that asked if we could rant on here.. I don't know how to explain it but I just don't feel good.. last year it all started in june-end right when july was coming along and the night of my birthday everything just clicked on why I was acting the way I was and rhoight I was depressed... I took a couple online tests and stuff even thought sometimes advised not to and at first it kept saying I just had minor depression so I just thought I was overthinking it or something but then each month it would just get worse.. Like once I'd finally get used to the pattern set in August.. it got 10 times worse the month after. So then maybe during November I took the online test once again and mow it said I had major depression and i just sorta freaked out.. i told my 2 of my best friends and they sorta just brushed it off and like jokingly told me to just not die and I couldn't tell them anything after.. so later on i talked to my cousin about it and she kept forcing me to tell my mom and I wasn't ready so aftr a lot of hell I finally blurted it all out to my mom and she idk.. seemed weird after that.. like shed be almost sarcastically too careful like she was taunting me about being so fragile and when I told her how I didn't feel like studying shed say im just using this as an excuse... ive been trying to hint at how ive been feeling for as long as i can remember but once i told her it just.. wasnt what i imagined.. i told her all i want is to get chkd up by a doctor so i atleast know wether this is a actual mental issue or if im just being moody.. but nothing happened n she kept using it against me so 2 days later i brushed it off again asking her to forget about it and well she just did.. like no questions asked she just said okay.. December came and that's when we got a dog.. though ever since we got him i hvnt been feeling as upset in a while tho i do get weekly blues and this month its like ive gone back to how it used to be.. I keep pushing myself telling myself how it'll get better like it did last time and that injust have to wait but its already been two weeks of constantly feeling shitty about myself and i dont really know how long i can hold up anymore and i just had to get this off my chest.. like it never really stopped but it used to happen just for a day or two until it was back to normal but now injust dont know.. i stopped crying last yr cuz i thought I didnt deserve to which is something I still believe n i just feel so guilty all the time that no matter what i just cant cry. I can't sleep at night and it just feels like im going back downhill so fast that it seems as tho the past 4-5 months were nothing and now im back to how i used to be.. for the longest of time after i got better it just felt so weird to me as if it was the first time i could feel what "happy" feels like so i took a really long time to actually get used to it.. like not necessarily "happiness" but just feeling anything other than hate and guilt and just wanting to die all the time.. im sorry this turned into a much longer rant than i intended it to be.. and thankyou for listening. And i just wanted to say that.. youre doing great. Thankyou :)

Post | Well you’re doing great too, for speaking up about something that you have been dealing with. It’s hard when no one around you cares enough to give mental health the attention it needs. If you ever feel completely hopeless, remember there are hotlines and online counselors to turn to. Sometimes you have to do things for yourself and that’s okay. Not everyone is going to understand your struggles, so acting on them yourself is the only option. You can continue using my inbox as an outlet too and I’m sure my lovely followers will show nothing but support alongside myself. I hope that you can smile even a little bit more to get back to that happiness too, even if it means turning to kpop and watching a silly crack video or listening to your favorite songs ❤️