#maybe its better if i relapse instead so my liver wont croak lmao
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#with someone#i feel like i probably am headed down a not good route w alcohol lateky#but also im just like. i think about it so much still even though i know i shouldnt#like ive had a good 4 shots at least tonight and only 1.5 were and now im just drunk#and sad#i just feel fucking empty and i cant stop thinking about wanting to evaporate?#i looked at my baby photos for a while and just felt so sad#i look so happy in them and now even with a home and loving partner and sweet cats and a studio and i just dont want it#i know its bad but i just like. it feels more and more like it's too much every goddamn fucking day#like im planning to be engaged in a month but im so fucking depressed tbat i just keep thinking ill ruin it.all#and then part of me thinks maybe thats a good thing bc he can have someone and be happy still#and maybe itll hurt but like he will eventually be okay rihjt?#idk what im even saying anymore injust have no one to tell and i dont want to stress out everyone around me#the week was shit and i just am so exhausted#maybe its better if i relapse instead so my liver wont croak lmao#but will he still even want mw if i dk? like who genuinelynwants tbat#and if he comes back to that like itll just hurt him#shes already struggling he doesnt need 2 broken peoppe#but if im.hone then its only one so it could be okay right#i dont wven know anymore im just so fucking tired#i have no way of eloquently speaking into poetry anymore either
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