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#idk whether it's work stressing me oit long term but right now any change to what im expecting from my routine is making me
steampoweredskeleton
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5 months
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Ignore
#delete later
#god i wish i was neurotypical
#found out my flatmate is going to be away for a few days after they left and bc id had no warning my anxiety spiked so hard
#that i had such a wave of nausea i had to lie down
#idk why that fucking happened. ridiculous. irs not like it really affects that much. just the thing of my home being changed in any way
#without warning freaks me the fuck out. couldnt do any work til id laid under my weighted blanket at lunch
#and like obvs this is an entirely me thing. i dont expect my flatmates to tell me every detail of what they're doing
#not sure how to keep myself from freaking over it though. will think on it
#but yeah. if i was neurotypical id be fine. i also want to play ky video games after work but im akways so exhausted that all i can do
#is lie in bed under my weighted blanket. it is so frustrating. im so tired. not helped that pain is fucking me up in new ways
#so im also upset aboit that. and that christmas is approaching abd that changes the routine completely
#and is always overwhelming
#but this year im staying home so i will be able to keep it quiet and low key and it'll be just me so i dont have to think about
#masking in any way which is kind of nice as even the vibe of Christmas takes a lot oit of me
#i enjoy the thought of it and always hate the day. same as my birthday. fun in theory. incredibly stressful actually
#idk whether it's work stressing me oit long term but right now any change to what im expecting from my routine is making me
#so so so frustrated and upset
#i had to go get meds after work on tiesday and became so upset by it that i was awake until 1am and was super nauseous
#not enjoying that as a primary symptom of anxiety rn. i find eating hard enough as it is
#the hair washing routine has given ne sone stability this week which was very nice abd made me feel calm. abd mt physio routine
#the energy it takes to do it is outweighed by the relief i get when ive done that part of my routine and then go to bed
#work is hard. working full time is so hard. im coping but not well. defo think i need to try getting regular therapy sessions if only
#to help me plan for what i need to do and work through coping strategies bc im really hitting a wall. i need to problem solve all
#these things but im so exhausted that i can't. so they just keep piling up
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