#is lie in bed under my weighted blanket. it is so frustrating. im so tired. not helped that pain is fucking me up in new ways

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[hey-there-buddy-pal]

Can I get UT, UF Sans + US, SF Papyrus reacting to a close friend texting them and asking if they've eaten dinner, the skelly hasn't eaten in a while and replies with something like "nah, i'm already too fat/i'm tryna lose the weight of my problems" and the friend never replies back. Five minutes later the door to their house bursts open and the friend is there with bags of food and aggressively yells "I SPRINTED THROUGH MULTIPLE BLOCKS AND YOU'RE GONNA F'KIN EAT, YA HEAR ME!?"

Okay so sorry for all the texting in this, but I can’t explain how much I love domestic texting between friends. This turned into small drabbles btw and sorry if they didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to, I got carried away. 

I also put a keep reading on this, I think I’m going to start doing that on the very long posts. Tell me if it doesn’t work on mobile and I’ll remove it or try and work around it.

UT!Sans: -When he gets the first message he just thinks you’re looking to invite him out for some grub, but he’s honestly not feeling like heading to Grillby’s right now. Still, he doesn’t see any reason to lie to you. So he sends a quick message back.

5:21 pm - nah, but my bones are big enough already. dont need extra weight on them.

He waits for a few minutes. Nothing happens. Did you just forget to reply back? It says that you read it… He figures that you probably just forgot though, or you headed out for dinner by yourself. He’s content with this reasoning as he turns back to the TV, sinking deep into the couch cushions. He gets two more minutes of TV watching before the front door is slammed open, and for a second he’s sure that Undyne is here, until you step into his line of vision. Your face is red and you’re trying to catch your breath. You also have a slight manic look on your face that is making him question if it’d be wise to ask why you’re here.

‘’Um… Y/N?’’ he says trying to make sense of your messy form.

You’re still panting as you set two delicious smelling bags on the coffee table in front of him. You bend over and put your hands on your knees, breathing almost normally now.

‘’What are you doing here?’’ he asks again.

You look up at him, takes a deep breath while you straighten yourself and then from nowhere you yell at him.

‘’I JUST SPRINTED THROUGH MULTIPLE BLOCKS AFTER GETTING THIS FOOD AND YOU ARE GOING TO EAT IT OR SO HELP ME!’’ you yell angrily with a fierce look in your eyes.

Normally he’d say a joke, or argue just for the fun of it. But your eyes are showing genuine concern, and you did go out of your way to make sure he’d eat. So instead he moves over on the couch and pats the seat next to him.

‘’Jeez, kid. Talk about home delivery,’’ he laughs while looking away from you.

You make your way over to him and plop down on the couch with a sigh. Leaning back and stretching out your limbs you make a grabby gesture for the bags, which are still sitting on the table. He smiles wryly and gestures with his hand making the bags float towards you. You grab one of them with a contented smile and then rips it open, digging in on whatever is inside. Handing him the left over ketchup packets, which he stores in his pocket for later use. He does the same and you both turn to face the TV. When you’ve finished the meals, you both sit in a comfortable silence. Enjoying each other’s presence while watching one stupid show after the other.

He can’t help but feel like this is the kind of friendship he’s always wanted.

UF!Sans: - An annoying electronic chime woke him up from his sleep. He grunted and fumbled around in complete darkness until his hand felt something hard on his bed. Reaching out he grabbed ahold of his phone and tried to find the home screen button. He winced when the bright light blinded him, trying to cover his eye sockets. Swearing, he turned the brightness down and opened his new text message. Your contact named showed up as the phone loaded your recent conversation, you’d sent him a couple of texts while he’d been asleep and he read through them carefully.

6:34 pm - Yo Red, what’d you eat for dinner today?

6:44 pm - RED

6:46 pm - Red answer me I need to know

6:47 pm - Did you fall asleep again?

6:58 pm - Okay that’s it, I’m coming over and I’m bringing food. You better be up and ready or I am dragging your bony butt out of bed

Wait you were doing what? He looked at the time. 7:00 pm. Shit you’d be here soon. He threw himself off the bed, but his legs got tangled in the bed sheets and instead of standing up, he fell on the floor face first. Grunting he tried to get up, when he heard someone knock on the front door. Panicking he flailed around even more, managing to get the sheets stuck between his fibula and tibula. He stood up on one leg, and hopped around while trying to untangle himself from his prison of bedsheets and blankets. Just as he was standing there bent forward and hopping on one leg, the door opened. He looked up like a deer in headlights and saw you standing in his door opening. Flushed face, panting and desperately trying to hold back a grin.

‘’The fuck you lookin’ at,’’ he grunted as he once again fought to get free.

‘’Oh nothing-’’ you said, leaning against the doorframe -’’just enjoying the performance.’’

He muttered something that sounded like a quiet fuck you, and then finally got his leg free and stood up straight. Stretching, he managed to pop his back in a few places and he grunted in satisfaction. He walked past you and into his living room. Turning to look as you followed him out.

‘’Did ya bring food?’’ he asked.

‘’Yes,’’ you replied simply. ‘’And you are going to eat it’’

‘’I don’t need any more food, I’m heavy enough as it is.’’

You turned around and gave him a dangerously calm look.

‘’I just sprinted through a lot of blocks to get you this food,’’ you said walking closer to him. ‘’And you are going to eat every. last. fucking. bit. You hear me?’’ Your voice was low and almost threatening, and your eyes gleamed of determination.

He never thought that he’d call his small human friend scary, but that look you were giving him chilled him to the bones. And the smell of the food broke his will down, you bought him food for hells sake. He wasn’t about to turn that down.

‘’Fine,’’ he muttered and sat down on the couch.

You smiled and joined him, tossing him one of the bags while opening your own. You ate in silence, the only sounds coming from the TV playing in front of you both. It wasn’t until you had both finished your food and was sat quietly watching the show that a thought entered his head. He never gave you a key to his flat…

‘’How the hell did you get in here??’’

US!Papyrus: Papyrus sucks at looking after himself. And he never pays attention to when he should be sleeping or eating. Meaning that when he’s up playing video games in the middle of the night, it’s safe to presume that he has not been eating anything other than a few snacks for the past hours. This night was one of those nights.

He just never bothered to keep track of time.

He did know that it was late, though. Way too late for anyone to be texting him. Which is why he jumped when his phone went off next to him on the floor.

He glanced at it quickly but then looked back at the TV, doing his best not to die before the event had been completed. About five seconds from pulling through, someone shot him from behind and he fought the urge to yell in frustration as his characters sank down on the ground. He flopped backwards with a sigh and lifted his phone to read the message. Smiling slightly when he saw your name on the screen.

12:54 am - Heyyy you up?

Were you drunk or bored? Scientists can’t tell he thought and snorted at his own joke. He typed out a lazy text and waited a few seconds on your reply.

1:01 am - yea im up

1:02 am - Can’t sleep?

1:02 am - wasnt tryin, you?

1:03 am - Me neither, what’d you eat today?

1:04 am - I dont think i ate anything tbh, why

No reply. Did you fall asleep or just ditch him? He should probably go to bed then. But he can’t be bothered to get off the floor. And he’s not feeling tired enough to fall asleep where he is. Maybe he should just stay there for a while. Meditate or something.

His phone chimed again and he unlocked it as he lifted it to his face

1:09 am - Open your door

1:10 am - what ?

1:10 am - I am outside your house, open the front door or I’m climbing through your window

There was no way you were outside his house. And he didn’t feel like getting up and walking into the prank willingly

1:11 am - i call bluff on this

He waited for your comeback, where you’d desperately try and get him to go out and check the front of his house. But he wasn’t going to do that. He wasn’t about to let you own him like that, he’s not stupid.

A knock on the window made him jump and scramble to his feet. You sat on the roof under his window in a crouch. When you saw that you had grabbed his attention you started frantically gesturing for the lock. He stared at you for a while, to your obvious irritation, until he walked forwards and opened the window. You jumped in and opened your backpack on the floor, pulling out two bags of take out food. You checked the content of them both, and then handed him one while you started eating from yours. He took it from you but continued staring at you.

‘’Are you going to open it?’’ you asked with your mouth full of food.

‘’It’s the middle of the night,’’ he said. ‘’What are you doing here?’’

‘’I wanted take out food. And I wanted to eat it with you. And since you’re so stupid that you can’t even get your own food, I decided to bring it to you,’’ you said simply, still munching away on your food.

He sat down in front of you, but still didn’t touch his bag. You looked up at him, and this time you looked even more irritated then before.

‘’Listen dude, I worked hard for that food, so you better fucking eat it,’’ you said in an angry voice.

‘’Listen dude,’’ he said mimicking your voice. ‘’I’m trying to loose the weight of my problems here.’’ He tried giving you the food back.

Your eyes widened a little, and your face softened. You leaned forward and pushed the bag back into his hands.

‘’Please eat, Papy,’’ you said in a much softer voice, your eyes almost pleading.

Deciding to give up he sat beside you and picked at the contents of his bag. For take out food, it looked surprisingly non greasy. Still good though. He picked it up and started eating, while reaching for his TV remote to put on some night tv. You ate in silence for a while, until you stood up and flopped down on his bed. He did the same and crawled over you so he was laying facing the wall. Saying your goodnights, you slowly drifted off to sleep.

He woke up the next day to an empty bed and an open window.

SF!Papyrus: When Rus gets in a low mood, taking care of himself doesn’t seem all that important. He’s not lazy, really. More apathetic. Doing chores and errands for his brother and superior keeps his mind busy and his hands occupied, letting him get through the day a little easier. But when he’s alone at night, everything becomes a little harder. And self care turns into a chore he’s not motivated enough to do.

He’d rather just wrap himself in a blanket and quietly suffer in silence, waiting it out. Hoping to feel a little better soon.

Alone…

He’s drifted off to sleep without even noticing, dreamless and exhausted despite it not even being 5 pm yet. When he slowly drifts back to conscousness he feels like he could sleep for a week more. But something woke him up, and he should probably see what that was.

His phone lights up with a soft ding. Showing two text notification and several others from social media. Grunting softly, he flipped over and reached out for it. Fumbling before his fingers got a good grip. He brought the phone closer to him, trying to unlock it while rubbing the sleep off his face. He got the passcode wrong three times before he managed to steady his hand enough to tap it in. Insisting on doing it with his thumb instead of holding the thing with both hands.

Your name shows up on the screen, along with the many emojis you’d used when you added yourself as a contact on his phone. He feels like smiling at the thought, but he’s too tired to move his face. So he starts reading the messages you sent him instead.

5:07 pm - Hey Papyrus

5:07 pm - What’d you have for dinner today?

He wants to type out some made up bullshit and go back to sleep. But you don’t deserve lies when you’re showing concern. This thought actually makes him smile, you’re so sweet.

5:10 pm - Haven’t eaten yet

Good, that wasn’t a lie. But he still wouldn’t worry you enough for you to take action. Meaning he could go back to sleep again.

5:10 pm - Papyrus you have to eat!!!!

Or not…

5:11 pm - I’m on a diet, it’s called ‘’how to loose the weight of your problems by not eating’’

That probably wasn’t the smartest thing to send you he thought. Shit he didn’t want to worry you before, why would he send you that. Like this wasn’t going to make you worry. God that was so stupid.

His phone made another sound, you’d sent him another message.

5:13 pm - Ok that’s it

Wait what

5:13 pm - what

What the hell were you doing? He flopped down onto the bed and put a hand over his eye sockets. Whatever it was he’d started now, he wasn’t feeling up for it. He honestly just wanted to go back to sleep. But instead he waited for your message, where you would explain what was going on. It never came. And eventually he felt his eyes slowly start creeping together. And his hand slid away from his face, coming to a rest on his pillow as he turned his body sideway. A minute later and he was sound asleep, snoring softly while curled around himself.

A sound woke him up, much louder than the first time. He sat up as he heard footsteps approaching. Expecting it to be his brother, he started to frantically straighten his clothing, intending to appear as if he hadn’t been asleep for the last god knows how long.

The footsteps were even closer now.

Suddenly his door flew open, slamming into his wall and most likely leaving a mark in the drywall. You stormed in, closed the door just as hard as you’d pushed it open, and then stormed over to him.

‘’I-’’ you started while still marching towards him-’’just ran like a hundred blocks to get you this food, so you are going to eat every last bit!’’ Your voice was loud and you sounded close to angry.

He blinked at you for a few seconds. ‘’I didn’t need food,’’ he said finally. His quiet voice a contrast to your own.

‘’I don’t care,’’ you answered. ‘’Knowing you, you probably haven’t eaten all day. And even if you have, you’re still eating dinner. Now move over and make some room for me’’

You hopped up in his bed before he got a chance to follow orders. And then you threw one of the bags in his direction, before you opened your own. He caught his bag midair and held it in his hands for a few moments. Then he resigned. Leaning over he grabbed his laptop and set it up on his nightstand, putting on his recently watched show on netflix. He figured that he’d have to right to choose the entertainment after you practically broke into his apartment. Besides, he knew that you had seen the show already.

You both ate in a comfortable silence, caught up in the show. Every now and then, he would glance back at you. Study you. He knew humans could be loyal, a trait that had mostly been lost by monsters. And he didn’t doubt that your concerns were genuine. But in his quiet curiosity one question always came back to him.

Why did you care so much?

[ecotone99]

[MF] Sunday Scaries

The conversation formatting doesnt hold on reddit copy paste, so its much better read thru link

Linking at Top to not spoil the end - hope thats OK!

https://www.casualblasphemy.com/blog/sundayscaries

​

------------------------------------------

Jesus Christ and Other Swear words

Volume II: Anxiety Rainbow

A Slower Burn to Fiery Finish. About 10-15 minutes

Chapter 2, 3 or 7, not sure yet.

​

​

Chapter III: Sunday Night Scream Into the Void

I lie (awake) to myself

A feeling of impending doom. So many emails. Existential dread and the Sunday Scaries.

I cannot sleep, it is nearly midnight. I have so much to do this week.

I lie awake and try to think of all the embarrassing things other people have done.

I can't think of any, so I go back to remembering my own social failings.

The time I tripped in front of my Crush age 14. My disastrous bangs of just last year. The time I mispronounced Worcheschertshishire in front of my cute coworker. The 23 blocks I walked with toilet paper stuck to my foot and that afternoon tanning in the park with a tampon string dangling from my bikini bottoms. Everyone remembers. I am sure of it. I farted once on a conference call.

Monday is only a few hours away. So many emails and the dishes sit soaking for a third day. I shouldn't have slept in today. I have so much to do tomorrow. I think about every time i've fucked up in my past 30 years.

My anxiety builds and I try again to refocus my attention. I try to remember all the embarrassing things other people have done, but I literally cannot think of any. I sort of remember one of my friends shitting his pants. Was that the day I walked into the sliding glass door. Do you think he remembers? Oh god, was it me that poped my pants? Oh jeez, i said poped, not pooped. Im talking out loud to myself.

Thank god no one is here.

I feel lonely.

----

I eat a CBD chocolate and feel the anxiety of impending doom. So many emails.

I remember. I remember every embarrassing thing I have done in my entire life. I have so much to do this week. So many emails. I have a meeting tomorrow and I don't feel prepared. That time I was left hanging for a high five with my hand in the air. I looked like Hitler with no friends. It is Sunday and life is Scary. So much to do this week. Were they laughing at me? I feel lonely. No one talked to me today. I feel like the Pluto of my friend group.

I decide to crowdsource some self esteem and climb on Tinder.

Left

Left

Right

Match!

Left

Left

Oh damn this guy is hot.

Damn, 5’10

Left

Right

Match!

Left

Left

Right

Match!

Right

Match!

Right

Match!

Every time I swipe right it's a Match. I feel attractive and desirable

Left

Left

ew

Left

Left

Double ew!

Left

Right

Right

Nothing. What!?

I lower my standards

Right

Right

Right

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing

Sunday Feels Scary Again. I have so much to do tomorrow. I don't want to play the game anymore. I fear rejection from strangers. Kinda horny tho. I survey my matches and read messages:

“Hey”

“Wanna Fuck?”

“Nice weather Today”

“Show me your bobs?”

“Nice Feet”

A profile stands out

Blake

6”2’ “Ive never shoed a horse, but I told a Cow to go home once”

I don't really get it, but he's HOT. That fish he caught is HUGE! I climb out of my comfort zone and message first. I've never done this before

“Hey” she wrote with butterflies

….

…….

………..

18 minutes pass. Nothing.

I go back to swiping unenthusiastically

Right

Right

Nothing.

I feel like a Moth in a world of Butterflies. Undesirable.

OH GOD. I research gravity blankets and take a xanax. I think of Cocoons.

I fall asleep lonely horny disappointed anxious and 8% numb. So many emails. Maybe I can do the dishes tomorrow after work, the gym, and picking up my prescriptions. I shouldn't have messaged him. I need groceries. That time I tripped on the bleachers and Becky laughed at me. I run through the grocery list in my head. Eggs, avocados, kombucha, spinach, Shame, paper towels, CBD chocolates. I feel weird.

------

I survive another week with espresso and antidepressants. It was hard. I am so tired. I am so tired all the time. Its sunday night and I feel The Doom coming again. I batten the hatches and prepare to wait out the emotional storm under the weight of my new Gravity Blanket. Its heavy and sweaty and I regret buying it. My anxiety rises to new highs and I feel like an idiot. Thank god no one is here. I feel lonely.

Ping!

Blake: :Me

“Hey ;) still up?”

I think about unmatching to teach him a lesson for not replying to me last week, but digital or not, I really need this distracting attention.

“Maybe ;) whatcha doing?”

Trying not to think about Monday LOL

LOLOL Same Same. Sunday Scaries :o

LOL I KNOW! Just gotta get through this week,

I am getting a puppy on Friday!

Puppy! What kind!?

A Frenchi :) her name is Luna

OMG NEED!

You have any pets?

Nooooo :(

You can come play with mine!

Cats or Dogs?

YES PLZ! I grew up with dogs :)

What was the name of your first pet?

Daisy :) she was so sweet

Awww, where did you grow up?

Seattle, just moved for a new job

It's hard being in a new city!

Well I can show you around!

What is your job?

Never been to Seattle, were you born there?

Born in Suburbia, lol

a little town nearby called Auburn

I work for a company that has meetings

I have a friend from Auburn!

LoL what do you meet about?

No way!

We meet about other meetings

Yea, did you got to Westside Elementary?

Eastside

Oh nice, her mom was a teacher there

Did you have Mrs. Ellison for 1st grade English?

I don't remember a Mrs. Ellison?

I had a Mr. Gardner

Oh lol. U like cars?

Sort of

I just got a new one :)

What was the make and model of your first car?

Wow! You are having quite the year!

Lol 1994 black honda civic. The dream

You sound like a Capricorn

Virgo!

Oh nice, when is your birthday?

August 24th, 1990

Just got a pic of my puppy, wanna see?

OMG YES

206-390-0345

I like Capricorns ;)

Oh god that sounded desperate

Texted you

Didn't get it!

Tried again

Nothing :(

Lol new phone too, I think its fucked tho

Whats your email, I wanna show you my bb pup!

Lol look at you Mr. New

[VeganJessica3@gmail.com](mailto:VeganJessica3@gmail.com)

….

……

……..

Did you send it?

…..

Hello?

Fal Asleep? lol

Ping!

An email arrives to my racing heart. He's so inquisitive! New car and a puppy! I wonder what he does for a living? Such a Gentleman, that was a whole hour of texting and he didn't even ask for nudes. I click the notification but my email won't open.

Please login to continue. I type my password “Daisy123”

Incorrect password/email combination

Please try again

Oh, is it lowercase?

******3

Please Try Again

*****3

Please Try Again

******3

Please Try Again

Ugh im so tired, I can't even type right. I'll leave it for morning

--------

MondayVegan Jessica III sleeps well in dreams of Blake, Frenchi’s and Avocados under the weight of her anti-anxiety gravity blanket. She wakes with a smile and grabs her phone eagerly.

Please Try Again

Please Try Again

Vegan Jessica III eats her last free-range Avocado on a piece of whole-wheat gluten-free non-cruelty noGMO carboloaf. Num!

Please Try Again

Fucking Annoying!

I switch over to my work email and begin responding to CC threads as I walk to the train. I meet with my team and we plan our next meeting. We have a great plan to plan.

I get home exhausted. I am so tired. We met for three hours and planned for three more days of planning meetings about meeting plans. I log in to tinder and check my messages. Nothing. I take a xanax and go to sleep. The dishes are molding and i'm out of avocados.

Tuesday

I wake stressed and skip breakfast. I head into work and drink espresso. We meet again to discuss our plan to plan. Everything goes as planned and we adjourn. I get out of work 15 minutes early and swing by CVS Pharmacy for LaCroix and drugs.

Some freak in a fedora oggles my breasts through my oversized sweater. What is he even looking at?

“Hi, yes, prescription pickup for Vegan Jessica III. It should have been called in Monday”

“Sure thing, insurance and ID please. Have a seat, it'll be about 15 minutes”

Pharmacists are just drug baristas, change my mind. I wait 45 minutes for the man in the never-dirtied lab coat to grab a prepackaged bottle of prozac from the wall. I hand him my credit card.

“Im sorry Ma’am, your card was declined, do you have another?”

The word ‘Ma’am’ turns three of my pubic hairs grey. It makes me kind of miss that creep in the fedora surveying my body.

Are you sure? Can you try again

Yes ma’am, the card is declined. Do you have another Ma’am?

Ma’am

Can you try calling them? I left my debit at home and don't have any cash.

I glance at my Fitbit. The time is 6:01pm

Its after 6pm Ma’am, you'll have to wait till tomorrow.

I leave the CVS and the pharmacists spends the next 30 minutes placing the bottle of pills back on the shelf.

----

I go home feeling frustrated. I skip the mailbox, dishes, dustbunnies and head straight for my bed. I pull the gravity blanket over my head like a ghost and feel a little better. I eat a half a pound of CBD chocolate and feel much better.

I log into Tinder. Fucking Blake ghosted. Unmatched. Under my blanket I get scared of ghosts and eat another ¼ pound of CBD chocolate.

Wednesday

I wake feeling like shit. I don't know why. I feel stressed. I call in sick to work and take a xanax and go back to bed. I awake to a phonecall from an unknown number. Fucking spamassrobocalls. I scream FUCK YOU to 1s and 0s. There's a panic rising in my throat.

I haven't checked my personal email in days now and try to log back in. I click password recovery and an email is sent to my old college email | [VegetarianJessica@college.edu](mailto:VegetarianJessica@college.edu). Ugh I can't believe I used to eat honey and drink milk with my coffee; I feel ashamed of my former self. It feels like a Sunday, but it's only wednesday.

I try to login to my old college email to recover my password for my post-college email.

I try to remember my old password

Please Try again

I try all my old combinations

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Lockout timer 29:59..

29:58….

29:57….

Ugh I hate this shit.

Trying to recover a password to recover a password. Did I type it wrong? Was it capitalized? Am I just not remembering it right? Was the ‘I’ a “!” ?? Was there 123 at the end, or maybe beginning?

I need to set my passwords to things I can never forget. Maybe take a lesson from Sunday. Shame and Trauma seem to make for fantastic passwords.

MyFatherAbandonedOurFamilyIn1997!

That's not something im likely to forget

I spend the next 29 minutes finally doing the dishes and feel a little better.

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Lockout timer 59:59

FUCK

I hate this shit. I click the password recovery button on my college email and a third is sent to my very first email address. [Jessica1990AuburnWA@aol.com](mailto:Jessica1990AuburnWA@aol.com)

I go to AOL.com and try to login

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

It feels like im opening those Russian Dolls. Every time I open one, another is there. The Russian Nesting Dolls of Digital Frustration. Please Try Again Later.

Recover the password

to recover the password

to recover the password

Please Try Again

I channel my frustration and hit the gym. Pilates class with Pontious. I stop on the way home and Scream into the Void. I feel a little better.

I check the mailbox before the stairs.

I turn the key and an avalanche spills out. Envelope after envelope, it seems unending. They just keep coming. The cascade flow dries to a dribble and I reach inside to scoop the rest of my mail out.

My arms are full of dead trees and I feel sad. Plus its like super heavy after an hour of cross planking. I ascend the stairs and unlock the door with my keys in my mouth. I push the door open with my forehead and dump the heavy mess of envelopes and magazines on the floor.

A Victoria Secret catalogue catches my eye. I make a mental note of my despise for their company message and start perusing the pages. What kind of image are they putting in the heads of young girls. False standards of beauty. Where are the real women! That bra is like super cute tho. I order three in different colors but my card is declined. The bras never come, its ok tho, they wouldn't have fit me anyway.

When my card is declined I think of Blake’s rejection again. Ghosted. What an asshole. Whatever he's probably just another pig who gets off to Victoria Secret models and supports an impossible standard of beauty. I am now convinced Victoria’s real Secret is mainstream distribution of introductory pornography to young boys in suburbia. That's a big mental leap to take from subquality prethought, but I think it's important to note where some of these idolized false standards of beauty start. They start with aging young Mother’s ordering VS products and catalogs to catch renewed interest from their lazily inattentive husbands and trickledown pornoEconomics recycles the catalogs to prepubescent boys. Hidden and stolen, they are a prime middle-school currency. The image of Desire becomes fixed in pubescent development and the path upscycles again.

I throw the catalog away disgusted and pick up my copy of the much more realistic Vogue. I eat more CBD chocolate and forget to call my credit card company. I fall asleep with fragrant advertisements and two miles of photoshop-smoothed Gigi Hadid legs on my face.

Friday

It's a beautiful morning and i'm feeling rested. I don't know what happened to Thursday. We have a brief meeting about next week's meeting and are dismissed early. Summer Fridays are the best! I meet up with my besties and we dress up to impossible standards of beauty.

Thin pink straps patterned with “VS VS VS” loop my shoulders out of my strapless black dress. Clash is in. I think it looks cute even tho the bra doesn't fit well. I lace up my gladiator platform cork wedges and we head out for a night of dancing.

I dance next to my ugliest friend and bask in double attention.

Buy you a Drink?

Wanna Dance?

Ever Ride a Motorcycle?

All eyes on me. I dance and twirl and snort the night away. This cocaine is fantastic. My credit card still doesn't work so I have boys buy me drinks. I black out a bit and wake up in my Uber home. Its light out and the birds won't shut up about the stupid sun. My heart is beating arhythmically and I feel weird. A feeling of impending doom is brewing and it makes me feel weirder - it's not even Sunday.

I sober up a bit, but can't sleep. I decide to finish the vial of cocaine I took from that boy and do some housekeeping.

I take the trash out and open my computer. I feel inspired to clean and conquer.

I will recover my password!

I see a button for ‘alternate recovery options’ on my ancient @aol email and click

A series of questions challenge my identity

“Date of Birth”

August 24th, 1990

“What was the name of your first Pet?”

Daisy

“What was the name of your 1st grade English Teacher?

Mr. Gardner

“What City Were you Born in?”

Auburn

“What was the Make and Model of your First Car?”

1994 Black Honda Civic

And just like that I'm in! I recover my password and recover my password and recover my password.

The russian dolls reassemble and my anxiety plummets

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Until I open Gmail to a Nightmare

The realization grips me. The Saturday Scaries are Real. I spring to the 4 foot foyer of my apartment where the non-fashion-catalog remainder of my mail avalanche sits piled like rubble.

I rifle through envelopes and cut my finger. It really stings. I suckle a droplet of blood and read the envelopes

Chase | Amex | Credit Karma | MasterCard | Kohls Discover Card | ATT | SPRINT | T-Mobile

Bills. Bills of all kinds. Bills of all shapes and sizes. Bills Not mine, but mine. An acre of rainforest in bills.

My iphone rings and my phone wont open. Panic Panic Panic. Saturday Scaries. I pull my bleeding finger from my mouth and the iphone recognizes my face. I answer the call

“Ma’am i'm calling from TransUnion Credit Reporting, we've seen some unusual activity on your report this week, can you confirm opening the following 227 Credit Cards on Sunday between the hours of 11pm and 4am Monday Morning?”

(This phone call 97% actually happened)

My vision spots and I hit the floor.

___

I awake Sunday. My head is throbbing and my finger hurts. I look at the papercut and it stares back with green eyes. It smells like Almond Butter, but the gross GMO kind. I put CBD oil on it and leave the house.

I head to the hospital, but my credit card is declined. My finger is green to the knuckle and it definitely feels like a Sunday.

I head home and curl up in my bed. With my green arm I pull the gravity blanket over my head and cry. I fall asleep feeling scared and not safe.

I wake to pain. The green has spread throughout my whole body. I feel weak. I need to go to work. So many emails.

I feel The DOOM

I try to lift the gravity blanket, but I am weak and it is too heavy.

The longer I stay, the weaker I become. Days pass and I miss meeting after meeting. I sweat profusely trapped inside a cocoon of anxiety. Unseen emails pile up and add to the weight. My phone is out of battery and I can't reach past the blanket for my charger. I need water. I really need water.

I feel The DOOM

I think of blood poisoning and my plummeting credit scoreThe Chrysalis hardens to reject the outside world

It becomes my Tomb. I feel safe here.

Immune to Anxiety

No emails, no meetings.

The DOOM fades to black and so do I.

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