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#idk why i keep clinging to the notion that i am male . what's all this for?
hypnowave
·
1 year
Text
.
#mmm. mmmmm.
#sometimes u wake up and shower and look in the mirror at your wide hips and narrow shoulders and u think
#''damn this trans stuff is really delusional isn't it'' because no matter how hard you try you're never going to pass
#because you can't get top surgery and can't get hormone therapy and can't safely learn to lower your voice
#and you have a couple irls who know about your actual identity but you're certain they don't actually see you as male
#except your sister and your best friend
#you have a woman's body and a woman's voice and are living a woman's life and nothing you do seems to ever change that
#it all feels so fucking pointless sometimes.
#figures. one of my classmates presented her essay draft today and it was about whether or not being queer was nature or nurture
#and it really hit a nerve. because people don't actually care which one it is. if it's nature then they will find this hypothetical gene
#and they will purge it.
#if it's nurture then they will do anything to stop the ''gay agenda'' because lgbtq+ behavior is deviant behavior and is therefore immoral
#they would do anything to prevent us. we are an illness
#i'm so tired. so fucking tired. i know i'm not male and i know i'll never be male and i wish i could just accept that
#idk why i keep clinging to the notion that i am male . what's all this for?
#i choose to carry this burden as if i'll get anything out of it. as if my time and energy wasn't needed elsewhere
#my work. my final paper. my health. i'm so tired
#i just wish i could stop caring.
#jun.log
#negative
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