#if I could make a game y’all’d be COOKED

[bugbuzzbugbuzz]

Like I’m. SO unbelievably mad about Zoochosis it’s not even funny. Parasites and diseases have been a special interest of mine since I was a kid and the trailers were so promising.

Also they showed their hand with Doc too fucking early, but that can be attributed to “you needed more than one day” in this game. The twist of him being an evil bastard would’ve worked better if you didn’t immediately show him pulling out the main characters call to a suicide hotline OR him killing the main character for taking too long to sign an NDA. The rush to get to the meat of it ruins any anticipation or tension for the ultimate reveal.

Multiple days would also give you a chance to get attached to the animals, as just naming them doesn’t really do much, yeah they have cutesy names but they don’t have PERSONALITY. Make one of them approach the player for pets, thus making it easier to do check ups on them. Make one of them run from the player forcing you to utilize your tranqs or even have treats to bribe them, giving more reasons to having those tools in the first place. Having them transform on a set timer immediately also kind of sucks because BOTH playthroughs I watched didn’t use the UV light at all, which having multiple days would fix because the transformations would take longer.

They also fucked up with the “human meat” thing. Yeah ohhhh so scary they’re eating people 🙄🙄🙄 it’s been done to actual death at this point and I feel it’d be much more horrifying to use the carcasses of the infected animals creating a never ending cycle if they aren’t truly cured. Feeding infected carcasses to other animals is LITERALLY how mad cow disease started!!!!

It could’ve been a critique on the greed found in some Zoos as well as fake animal rescues, where they claim to help animals but only do it for profit, but instead we got a boring story about some evil guy who???? Feeds a monster for an undisclosed reason the devs probably didn’t fully consider.

“The parasites didn’t attack you because you were infected uwu” LAME!! BORING!!! I don’t care that they didn’t insta kill you but they should at least MAUL you a little!!! Change how the player got the parasite from doc giving it to you to you eating infected food!! Maybe doc even purposefully infected the food!! The game also explained there were some variants of the parasites that would attack and kill any competition! They could still keep their “parasites don’t attack and kill you” thing but limit it! Maybe only the tutorial one doesn’t kill you but the others are the more aggressive kind due to evolution!!

There are so many better ways the parasites could’ve been handled but it feels like the devs truly had no love towards the subject matter? Maybe they did at some point but too many people got involved and the love and care was lost in translation.

It’s just so disappointing as somebody who actually enjoys reading and learning about parasites, fictional or otherwise. We got no real story, lore, or information about them. Would a sequel fix it? Maybe! Only if they cut half the team out of the writing room and focused on actually caring a little about story and lore beyond “discount colonel sanders wants to feed alien mommy”

ALSO HOW CAN YOU HAVE A GAME CALLED ZOOCHOSIS WITHOUT ACTUALLY SHOWING THE ANIMALS SUFFERING FROM ZOOCHOSIS

[wheres-everyone-going-bingo]

Could I request first date with sweet home, would they planned to go out or would it be a home date.

First Dates With Them

(Pyeon Sang-Wook, Jung Jae-Heon, Lee Eun-Hyuk, Yoon Ji-Su)

Pyeon Sang-Wook

- I feel like Sang-Wook would plan to the very last detail

-He doesn’t have a lot of people in his life so he makes everything special for you

-Afterall he’s so scared of losing you

-Would take you to the Green Home Apartments rooftop, a little picnic laid out for you two

-The food is store bought cause this man can’t cook so it’s for the best

-Would give you his jacket, wrapping his arm around you and holding you close

-Honestly might even play some music in the background, eventually y’all start dancing to it

-He’s planned this for so so long and he’s so happy you like it

-He’s not good with verbal or physical affection so doing stuff like this is how he shows how much he loves you

-Please tell him he did a good job

-Expect very loving and soft touches, things like tucking hair behind your ear, caressing your cheeks, ect

-He’s never rough with you (unless you ask) because he’s been told what a monster he is all his life, so he’ll do anything to avoid you thinking that too

Jung Jae-Heon

- He’d be the classic dinner date kinda guy

-Not as much planning as Sang-Wook, but would book in advance

-Would buy you flowers

-He wears a suit to the date and everything, his hair all neat

-The restaurant isn’t the top of the top as he’s only a teacher after all, but he does the best with what he can afford

-When y’all get home he’ll read you a book, both of you falling asleep on the couch in your clothes

-This man has so many compliments and they are ALL for you

-Is quite poetic with his declarations of love

-Would open the car door for you, pull out your chair, ect, he’s a gentleman at heart

-Listens to you talk about your day over dinner, head in his palm, and hearts in his eyes

-This man just loves to listen to you, doesn’t matter what you’re talking about, he loves your voice

Lee Eun-Hyuk

-He would love to plan every detail but he doesn’t have a forgiving schedule

-Expect Eun-Hyuk to just walk up to you and ask if you’d like a date

-He’s never sure how long studying will take, if work will ask for a shift, ect, so it’s very spur of the moment

-He wishes he could plan a perfect date, one that he believes you deserve

-However you love the dates anyways, I mean it’s time with him

-It’s mostly things like going for late night walks, or going to the shops just to look around, pointing out all the things you’d buy if you could

-He’d have his hands in his pockets, your arms wrapped around one of his

-Despite it being a city, there are really pretty places if you know where to look

-He’ll take you to the park, arm around your shoulder, your head resting on his chest

-You’d talk about whatever came to mind

-The highlight of the date is when he laughs, the way his face brightens, as he looks at you, completely in love

Yoon Ji-Su

-Plans? Don’t know her

-Doesn’t even ask, just shows up and tells you that you’re going on a date

-Would be the kind to go to carnivals, her face scrunching up in determination as she NEEDS to get you one of those prizes

-Eventually she’ll give up, yelling at the employee about how their game is rigged anyways

-If there’s no carnival, she’d do karaoke dates

-Lots and lots of meme songs

-Expect to be yelling the lyrics to “dont mine at night” alongside her, both of you dramatically reenacting the lyrics

-She WILL serenade you, you don’t get a choice

-Y’all’d get take out too

-You’d tell her how cute she is when she sings and she’d get all embarrassed, telling you to shut up

-Then you’d kiss her, her stern face melting away to a pure beam of sunshine

-You two would fall asleep on the couch together, too tired to go to the bedroom

[dandelion-tufts]

Tag Game

rules: bold what applies to you

tagged by @sadienita I’m honestly just gonna do this now

APPEARANCE:

I’m over 5’5” // I wear glasses/contacts // I have blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have blue eyes // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backward

HOBBIES AND TALENTS:

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during school or work breaks // I can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIPS:

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend I have known for ten years // my parents are together // I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

AESTHETICS:

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favorite season

ETC:

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick-shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least three dogs

Okay so I tag @popechangbin @bwoctopus-basil @gumballgays @psychedelic-getaway just because I think y’all’d have the most fun with it. (I think I just showed my southern upbringing with that contraction.)

[nerdiests]

So I’m participating in Kaminari Appreciation week, and. Yeah. 

Check it out on ao3!

prompt: past/present/future

It’d been a long while since Denki had the opportunity to visit his hometown. Considering his full schedule with heroics, he didn’t have much of a reason to take a flight over to Houston, Texas, for sentimental reasons. He’d told himself, however, that he would try and visit again before he turned twenty five and see what had changed. So here he was, walking out of George Bush Intercontinental with a messenger bag on his shoulder and a suitcase in hand. For a moment, he paused. All he could hear around him was English, a sound he’d missed back in Japan. Even though he’d lived in Japan for the past twelve years, Denki still found himself more comfortable speaking in English.

“C’mon, Denki, we’ve got a hotel to get to,” Denki muttered to himself, tightening his grip on his suitcase and heading towards the car rental so he could drive to the Marriott he’d booked for the duration of his stay. He’d stayed at this particular hotel before his family had moved back to Japan. It was thrilling, he’d get to order room service again, and he could have orange juice in a wine glass!! Ohhhhh, Iida would be jealous!

The hotel was wonderful, the food was even better, and Denki was ready to go around and check out all his old haunts. Like the Houston Natural Science Museum, and the Downtown Aquarium, and the Memorial City Mall with the Cheesecake Factory. He made a lot of money as a pro hero, and he was going to use it! ...Plus he wanted to have some souvenirs from Houston back in Japan he could show his friends - specifically Hanta, Mina, and Eijirou - once he went back.

It was probably a good idea that Denki hadn’t gone during spring break, because he wouldn’t have been able to visit any places he’d enjoyed in his childhood. Even the ones he’d checked out were slightly different. Denki couldn’t ride the ferris wheel because it was getting fixed and the white tiger was gone, the meteorology exhibit at the museum had been taken down, and the mall layout had changed! Along with those changes, he couldn’t even remember his old neighborhood and couldn’t go and visit and see how it had changed in twelve years, and he couldn’t ask his parents about it either. At least he could go and check out the Baskin Robbins he used to go to with his parents when they still lived there! Hopefully.

The Baskin Robbins was gone. Treasured and cherished childhood memories were also gone. How wonderful. This trip was going absolutely swimmingly. He’d spent two hours in traffic getting out here, because he remembered this place’s existence at 4:39 in the afternoon and everyone was getting off work. It was a surprise he’d remembered how to get here without a GPS. But the Baskin Robbins was no more, and all remained was a crafts store. Denki might know how to knit, but saying he made a sweater because he couldn’t remember his old neighborhood was so lame!!

“Oh you’ve gotta be shitting me. Denki Kaminari?” Denki whirled around at his name and was met with a slightly familiar face.

“Wait wait wait… Madeline Versailles? You still live here?” Denki blinked at the sight of his old childhood… Rival? Is that even the right word? They’d just tried to do better than the other in school, so rival was fitting, he guessed.

“Yeah, went to college at U of H. What’re you doing back here? Thought you’d moved to Japan to stay twelve years ago,” Madeline replied, shifting her shopping bag from one hand to the other. Denki shrugged.

“Decided that I’d come back before I turned 25, and being a pro hero makes a ton of money, not at all surprisingly,” Denki said, putting his hands in his hoodie pockets. Madeline raised an eyebrow.

“So you did go on to pro heroics, then? It’s probably a lot easier in Japan, yeah?” she asked. Denki nodded, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He turned it so the phone case was facing Madeline.

“Dunno if you’ve heard of the Stun Gun hero Chargebolt, but that’s me,” Denki said, slipping his phone back into his hoodie pocket. Madeline paused, before walking over to Denki quickly.

“No shit, really? My fiancée loves Japanese heroes, and her favorites are Cellophane, Red Riot, Suneater, and Chargebolt! Hanako’s always talking about when she could interact with heroes on the street back in Japan when she still lived with her mom, and she kept up with Japanese heroics once she moved in with her dad,” Madeline replied, pulling her phone out. Denki noticed the familiar pattern on the phone case.

“I’m more partial to Earphone Jack,” Madeline said, small smile on her face. Denki grinned.

“Well, I happen to know Cellophane, Red Riot, and Earphone Jack. Plus Red Riot knows Suneater, has since first year of high school, so I could… Hook you up?” Denki said, tilting his head sideways. Never let it be said that Denki wasn’t a generous man.

“Oh my god that’d be a literal blessing,” Madeline grinned, tapping something on her phone and handing it to Denki.

“I’ve been trying to get a good anniversary present for Hanako for our three year anniversary next month, but this would take the cake,” Madeline explained. Denki looked down and saw a contact open. He blinked, before giving Madeline a look.

“I trust you won’t give this number out to anyone? This is my personal number and it’d be fairly difficult to get it replaced again,” Denki said. Madeline nodded, and Denki plugged his number in.

“You’ve got an international plan, yeah?” Denki asked, getting another nod. Then Madeline tapped something else in, before putting it up. Denki felt his phone buzz, but left it alone.

“So, how long’re you in Houston?” Madeline asked, and Denki shrugged.

“I was planning on two weeks, since that’s how long I booked my hotel stay for and my plane tickets are scheduled for the same day I’m checking out of my hotel, so. Enough time that I’ll suffer when I head back over,” Denki replied. Madeline chuckled, before looking at the crafts store.

“If you ever need something to fill your time with, Hanako and I are typically free most days. Except Tuesday afternoons and Saturday evenings. Tuesday is couples ballroom dancing and Saturday is my cooking class and Hanako’s book club. So any days that aren’t those,” Madeline said, and Denki shrugged.

“I’m about 45 minutes away with minimal traffic, so I’d be down,” Denki said. Madeline grinned, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

“Brilliant!! You free tomorrow? Hanako wanted to head down to the zoo,” Madeline replied. Denki nodded.

“Don’t have any plans, though I am gonna go on one of the exclusive tours at Johnson and check out the Astros game next week. Can probably grab some extra tickets if y’all’d want to join me at the Astros game? Fun is always better with company, after all,” Denki said. Madeline waved a hand.

“Nah, Hanako’s dad has a box. Some of the best seats in the house. We can probably get you in there, if you’d want?” Madeline offered. Denki paused for a moment.

“If you’re gonna get me into some of the “best seats in the house” then let me get those zoo tickets tomorrow. It’s only fair,” Denki replied. Madeline opened her mouth, but closed it shortly after. She looked pensive for a moment.

“It’s only fair,” she replied. Denki nodded, before glancing over his shoulder at the crafts store.

“You know what? I’ve got yarn to buy and a sweater to knit,” Denki said, turning around.

“Text me later with what time you and Hanako are planning on going to the zoo, and I’ll meet y’all there,” Denki said, waving over his shoulder as he walked inside. He had a plan for this sweater.

The rest of Denki’s trip was absolutely phenomenal. The zoo was wonderful, though he couldn’t look at the meerkat exhibit as he once had. He saw the Johnson Space Center through new eyes, and had a bird’s eye view of an Astros game for the first time in his life. Not only that, but he got a new perspective on his “rivalry” with Madeline. Apparently the both of them had made botched attempts at being friends with the other. Good thing they cleared that up, because apparently the two of them got on like a house on fire.

Madeline and Hanako had decided to see him off at the airport, since that was what friends did. He knew that was what friends did, since half of 1-A did when he took his plane flight over here in the first place. At least it was a direct flight back to Japan, he could nap the whole way over. Or work on his sweater, he was almost done. Plane rides were the perfect opportunity to work on knitting. Plus he could finish that custom hat he was making for Kyouka… Yeah, he’d probably do some knitting too.

“You keep in contact, now,” Madeline said, slight grin on her face. Denki nodded, grip on his suitcase tightening slightly. Hanako smiled as well.

“It was a pleasure getting to meet you, Kaminari-san,” Hanako said happily, and Denki sighed.

“Hanako, how many times have I said this? You can call me Denki, it’s fine,” Denki replied, with a somewhat joking tone. Hanako giggled, slightly nervous.

“I’m sorry Kaaaaaaaaa… Denki. It’s. A bit hard to call a hero you’ve looked up to by their first name so suddenly,” Hanako said, fiddling with the hem of her dress. Denki grinned, reaching over and patting her on the shoulder.

“Really, Hanako, it’s fine,” he said, before looking back at Madeline.

“Expect those things I’m getting you in a few weeks,” Denki said. Madeline nodded, while Hanako looked confused.

“What things? Madeline, Denki, what are you two conspiring over?” Hanako asked, looking between the two. Madeline only grinned, while Denki pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time. He blinked when he saw the time, processing for a moment.

“Oh hell I’ve gotta go through customs, I’ll talk with y’all later!!” Denki said, rushing off towards customs.

“Bye Denki!” Madeline called, and Denki glanced over his shoulder to spot both Madeline and Hanako waving. Denki only grinned and waved back, before continuing the walk to customs. That’d be a hassle and a half to go through.

[rockin-llama]

92 (I think it was 92???)

tagged by @fxvixen​ ayyyyye pretty ladayyy

rules: fuck the rules (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

LAST…

[1] drink: water

[2] phone call: this solicitor that won’t leave me alone. Really, I need to get on a do-not-call list

[3] text message: “xo”from my Mom

[4] song you listened to: “Waving Through a Window”

[5] time you cried: ummm, maybe a few nights ago while reading? I don’t really keep track, I get emotional over books.

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: as in, date the same person twice (no) or date two or more people (yes)?

[7] been cheated on: yes

[8] kissed someone and regretted it: not really. There was this really drunk kiss with my half-aunts husbands nephew. Which even though that’s far enough away from being incest it still weirded me out when I sobered up. Plus I can’t remember his name for the life of me.

[9] lost someone special: yeee

[10] been depressed: ah, haha, hahaha

[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: gotten drunk, yes. Never to the point of throwing up though. I’ve felt pretty sick the next day though.

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

[12] Blue. Like, a deep blue. Not so dark that it looks black, but, like, deeeep.

[13] I’ve always liked dark greens, but they don’t really look too good on me.

[14] Rolanberry Red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: yep

[16] fallen out of love: not really

[17] laughed until you cried: oh yeah

[18] found out someone was talking about you? Bitch, who wouldn’t talk about me.

[19] met someone who changed you: maybe??

[20] found out who your true friends are: What constitutes as a “true friend”? I’ve always been perplexed by that notion. A friend is a friend. I just talk about different things with different people.

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: Bet y’all’d like to know who ;) (that was me channeling inner middle-school Marina)

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Now, this is something that I have to pick over. “in real life”. Like, if I have you on facebook I’m considering you as a part of my life (does that make sense??) And a lot of my facebook friends I have met through playing online games. So, no, I haven’t met them in real life (yet, someday I will take a massive road trip) but I consider us friends outside of playing games. So my answer is yes, all of my facebook friends I know in real life.

[23] do you have any pets: Jellicle (Jelli for short) is my kitty cat at my parents house. Unfortunately I can’t have free-roaming pets in the house I’m renting so I only have a beta fish, Hemingay, a bonsai tree (Groot 2.0, the first one was stolen off my porch), and a philodendron named Phil.

[24] do you want to change your name: Nada

[25] what did you do for your last birthday: uh, pretty sure I was playing video-games

[26] what time did you wake up: 10ish

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: reading

[28] name something you cannot wait for: to move to the mountains and have a horde of huskies

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: about 4 days ago

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish i had a little more motivation??

[31] what are you listening to right now: my fan running in the background

[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes, I know a lot of toms. What the fuck is up with this question?

[33] something that is getting on your nerves: people who don’t hit “reply all” in a group email. For real peeps, we’re all seniors in college. You should know this by now.

[34] most visited website: uhhhh, I’m honestly not sure. Tumblr is definitely up there, but even though I hardly ever post stuff I open facebook out of habit.

[35] elementary: what about elementary? Are you asking what school I attended? Who my teachers were? If I ever pulled the fire alarm? WEll, I didn’t pull the fire alarm, but I did like to flood the bathroom sinks and report to the teacher that “someone clogged the sinks again”. I was a weird child.

[37] college: comme ci, comme ca. I’m pretty much only taking online classes this semester.

[38] hair colour:  so up until I was around 12 my hair was white blonde. When i hit puberty though it slowly started changing color. I now have light brown hair, but in the summer it has blonde highlights.

[39] long or short hair: shoooooooort. I have an undercut that leads to one side being shaved.

[40] do you have a crush on someone: ehh. I’m attracted to a lot of people but i’m not interested in starting a relationship at this point in my life.

[41] what do you like about yourself? So it’s very cliche, but I fucking love my eyes. They range from green to gray to blue. And I have abnormally large pupils so they really accent them. People in high school just assumed I was high all the time.

[42] piercings: dude, guys, peeps, I love piercings. And I am majorly attracted to people with piercings. I have my double lobes done and an industrial bar on my left ear. If I didn’t bite my lips so much I would consider getting a lip ring because I fucking love them.

[43] blood type: AB- , yeah, I’m one of those people

[44] nickname: Mina/ Mina Bina, Rina, MooMoo (thanks Final Fantasy)

[45] relationship status: pining for dogs

[46] zodiac sign: virgo

[47] pronouns: she/her

[48] fav tv show: hmmmm, D. Gray-Man (does that count as a tv show? I don’t watch tv)

[49] tattoos: I have so many tattoo plans. I want the fuckign white tree of Gondor on my back.

[50] right or left handed: right, but I eat properly with my fork in my left hand.

FIRST…

[51] surgery: I had seven stitches in my chin when I was seven years old. Buuuuuut, I’m having major surgery this summer to reduce the size of my boobs. It’s gonna be a grand ol’ time. (hellooooo pretty bras)

[52] piercing: first lobes when I was 7

[53] best friend: I mean, I always call Staci my best friend. And we’ve known each other for our entire lives.

[54] sport: Technically I played soccer in kindergarten, but I wasn’t good at it.

[55] vacation: there’s pictures of toddler-me running naked towards the ocean in Florida with my mom chasing after me with my swimsuit.

[56] pair of trainers: oh fuck if i know, they were most likely blue and from JCpenney’s

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: cough drops

[58] drinking: coffee (I know, it’s a disgusting mix with cough drops)

[59] i’m about to: pretend the college didn’t just call me to pay my bill, lol too bad my voicemail inbox is full  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[60] listening to: “Wildfire” - Keston Cobblers Club (it’s incredibly catchy, I strongly recommend)

[61] waiting for: the day I live in the mountains with dogs.

[62] want: for me to decide what I want for dinner

[63] get married: I guess I’d like to be married someday. But I often like to disappear and just be by myself, so, someone very understanding and able to give space would be needed.

[64] career: right now I work full-time as a Kitchen and Transportation Manager at a daycare. It’s amazing. So, I’m basically a fancy lunch-lady. But i’m also a full-time student. One day I will be a famous author and able to support myself through writing (hah_)

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: So I really love hugs. Probably because you don’t get judged by hugging people platonically. And i’m always cold, so body contact is a major thumbsup imo. Buuuuut, I do also like kissing. But kissing kind of involves a hug (at least, most of the time?) In short, hugs are better just because they’re involved in both.

[66] lips or eyes: eyes

[67] shorter or taller: I like my fruity drinks tall, but since I am also a fan of a Manhattan I’m used to short cups as well.

[68] older or younger: I like how many of these questions aren’t even questions, they’re just assuming you know what they’re asking. And I’m a little peeved that I know exactly what the assumption is. idc

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: I like necks. Like, damn, especially since chokers are back in fashion now allllll of my attention is drawn to the neck.

[71] sensitive or loud: are you insinuating that loud people can’t be sensitive?

[72] hook up or relationship: neither here nor there

[73] troublemaker or hesitant: ???

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger? kinda

[75] drank hard liquor? yeeeeees (see earlier comment about Manhattans)

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses? kinda? I misplace my glasses all the time when I’m cooking

[77] turned someone down: yes

[78] sex on first date? ehh, there’s a lot of “depends” that can go into this

[79] broken someone’s heart? *shrugs*

[80] had your own heart broken? *shrugs* you’re assuming I have a heart to begin with

[81] been arrested? ;) ... no

[82] cried when someone died? yes

[83] fallen for a friend: muahahaha

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself? yeah, most of the time

[85] miracles? I’m not a firm believer in praying your worries away, so if that’s the type of miracle you’re asking my answer is “no”. However there have been some major moments of coincidence. I’m putting my money on aliens getting bored.

[86] love at first sight? Does my cat count? I saw her and knew immediately that I wanted to adopt her.

[87] santa claus? only if I can live in the North Pole

[88] kiss on the first date? yeeeee, most likely

[89] angels? Coming from a scientific point of view, I know for certain that the probability of humans being the only advanced race out there is practically nil. Therefore, I have no right to say whether or not angels exist somewhere. I know my late-grandma always did, she prayed to them every morning.

OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: Staci! I said it earlier, probably, but I’ve been working on this for a few days and don’t feel like scrolling all the way up.

[91] eye color: I thiiiink I also said this. But blue, gray, greenish

[92] favorite movie: Princess Mononoke

i’m tagging No one! Ha!

[robertcrokerstories]

Party in Athens, GA

I usually throw a party (which I call a “mixer,” just to be quaint) each school term. (UGA is on a quarter system, so this means four a year.) The Fall Mixer is on or about St. Crispin’s Day (“He who lives this day and comes safe home…”), the winter one on my birthday, which is also Jim Herbert’s (which shoots astrology squarely in the head), the spring version springs (as it were) unplanned from the brow of Zeus, and the summer one is on the anniversary of 1969’s Great Big Gasoline Tank Explosion and Fire (which event accounts for the slightly off-square configuration of my ‘68 Dodge van) on the site of what has since become T.K. Harty’s Saloon.

I start by inviting everybody I know. Sometimes I make hand-drawn invitations and maps and post them around the Art Department. Then everybody I know invites everybody they know, and they, in turn, invite everybody they know. (Some restrictions may apply.)

Then, on the day of, I bribe (with some combination of beer and food – heavy on one, light on the other) a few impecunious (hence easily-bribed) undergraduates to come out and help me square the place away and a couple more to drive the Dudge around to a beer distributor and the seafood joint for oysters, while someone else (no names, no pack drill) goes with me in Das Ding an Sich (my Volkswagen Thing – I’m a two-car family) to the grocery store to help me figure out which one’s the eggplant and which one’s the zucchini, and another person takes charge of the music and maybe the bottle-rockets, depending. 

As people start to show up, we mill around for a little while until somebody taps the keg or thinks up something else to do, like fill a wading pool or set up a DJ station, and I wander idly about, loosing off a few bottle-rockets just to get things stirred up until Karen’s rumbustious, promiscuously affectionate dog Zak arrives (slightly in advance of his putative owner) and begins to impose social order according to his genetic code of conduct. The electronic musicians set up in the studio, the DJ in the living room, and the acoustic contingent forms up on the lawn. Then whatever happens, happens until evening falls, when throwing cooked spaghetti at the kitchen wall becomes an artform, an ever-growing performance piece, title to be determined. About midnight or so, I take a little time out from my host duties (or perform them) to disarm Joe Capshaw and dissuade him and Robert Rivers from stomping Legs McNeil to death, by which act I conceivably (I won’t push this too far) save Punk Magazine – and possibly the whole genre -- from collapse, then go back to watching for the cops….

Things start to get murky right about the time the ‘possum family looks in on the meatsauce and Rivers takes a break from the football game in the living room (it fails to occur to me to ask why the game isn’t on the lawn…) to escort them out to the garden, where they seem pretty happy sniffing about in the vegetables – oh – jeez, I hope they’re vegetables – that my tenant farmers (aka my independent study group) have planted, and that my pet goat, Vincent, has studiously ignored in pursuit of my neighbor’s peach trees – Oley’s diagramming Cézanne compositions on the window shades and there are a coupla’ places I don’t dare look, and I’m by this time praying for the cops to come, praying for them, and there’s some guy from the math department wandering around looking for his daughter, who (thankfully) isn’t there, and the telephone rings and thank god it’s the sheriff; maybe he’ll take me to a nice, safe, friendly jail cell, but all he sez is “Ah, ‘fesser Croker, probly yore neighbors’d ‘preciate it ‘f y’all’d desist shootin’ off far’works? ‘N’ maybe switch th’ music over to Bluegrayiss? Shorly do thank’ee…. Y’all have a good time, now, y’heah? Be safe…” By this time the bars have closed, and fresh reinforcements arrive….

I go out in the yard, sit in the (miraculously unoccupied) swing, take a few deep breaths. The football game having collapsed under its own weight, the living room has now become a mosh-pit. The house is literally rocking. This is not a chemically induced hallucination: the walls are actually shaking, the roof pulsating….

The roof. There. Are. People. On. The roof. How in blue-eyed, ever-lovin’ cotton-pickin' hayull did they get there, forget why? What are they doing!? How, for the luvva mike, will they get down…? Well, there are more people inside the house than the laws of physics would seem to admit; maybe Werner Heisenberg could explain it…. I’ll hafta ask next time I see him -- I could swear he was here a few minutes ago, but I’m not certain -- he and Oley were discussing the existential implications of the Split-T Formation…. A shadowy figure in the pecan tree – is he naked? – could it possibly be… nonononono, certainly not – awww, it is! -- delivers an absolutely cogent lecture, worthy of a Columbia PhD., to an audience he can see and I can’t, illustrated with slides that they can see and I can’t, but which nearly convinces me that Pieter Bruegel and Hieronymus Bosch were the same person, but I know for sure that if either of them (or him) were here right now, he (or they) would be hard at work in familiar territory….

By three, everybody’s starting to fade: so they’re receptive to my patented public reading of “The Miller’s Tale.” The audience, most of whom may safely be supposed not to understand Middle English, somehow knows to laugh at the all the right places. Alternatively, sometimes I read the Disgusting British Candy Drill from Gravity’s Rainbow.

By dawn's early light, only Janice, Bob, Sean, Suzy, KatzenDebbie and Joe, along with a person I’ve never seen before and will never see again, are left standing. (Joe isn’t actually standing – it’s a figure of speech--) Rivers is peacefully asleep under the bathroom sink. There are two or three others scattered around the proppity in places I haven't looked yet, like the culvert under Cherokee Road and the back seat of the abandoned ‘65 Chevy haphazardly parked more-or-less in the driveway, keys (whew!) in the ignition. The living-room floor is strewn with peanut and oyster shells and some other stuff that eludes identification. There is blood on my shirt.

I gently implore the kittens, Celui-ci and Celui-lá, to please for the love of God quit stamping their feet. Somebody, I think Janice or Suzy, could be Sean -- hard to tell (I think he's the one with the beard) -- starts some coffee (ah!) and eggs that had some-miraculously-how avoided being used as projectiles or mural elements. Bob, God bless him, in an act of stone (or stoned) courage, begins to scrape the revolting oleaginous glutinate mess of reeking oyster residue from the kitchen sink. (“Does anybody want any more of this before I throw it out?”)

It's raining: a slow, grey drizzle. The lawn looks, somewhat appropriately, like the aftermath of Agincourt. I sing, quietly, so as not to arouse -Ci and -Lá, (or the newly-discovered recumbent form behind the couch – is it the mathematician’s daughter?) "Orwe king dyd go forth to Normandie...." After breakfast, we form a police line (assholes 'n' elbows, people) at the road and, as my neighbors get ready for church, pick up the first of thirty-odd bags of detritus – the very cans that did affright the air of Winterville -- that we will later -- much later – put in the Dudge and take (in two sorties) to the dump. By then, the legends – including but not limited to this one -- are already taking shape, to be remember’d with advantages (if a tad vaguely) by the happy few who come safe home. -RLC, 2013

Footnote: My first formal “mixer” took place in 1974 at my house (the “Murder House”) at 1308 Timothy Road. Janice Stanland, then registrar at GMOA, ordered the oysters and prepared cole slaw. There was a head of lettuce left unused after the party that I kept in the refrigerator and took with me when I moved to Winterville. I exhibited it (despite some resistance) in the Edible Art exhibition of 1978. It has followed me through all my peregrinations since. It is now 42 years old.