#if it remembers its old masters it doesnt get sad it sees these memories with warmth

[windmill-ghost]

The heroes of Mazelord are frankly lucky that the power of love has little metaphysical power in their universe because it means Steward would mop the floor with them even harder than it already is.

It's a shock for them, since that makes it seem pretty unlikely that they would've been able to defeat the previous Mazelord if it had fought alongside him. It's not necessarily supposed to fight the battles of those its subservient to, for one-- it does so for Rubus because he's so new and weak. And, despite having a sense of deep unconditional love for its masters being programmed into it, it didn't necessarily... get along with the last guy, who found Steward beneath notice and himself beyond needing its help. With these incredibly conflicting feelings, it resolved to obey its master's orders to the letter, letting him be killed with his dignity as its final act of love.

Fortunately, it wasn't created with feelings of grief that are proportional to its sense of love, and was flooded with an inconsolable storm of sorrow and guilt for about a minute before noticing Rubus was alive and falling madly in love again.

[99adelheid99]

cool so since I’m procrastinating anyways on my school work im just going to write a character study on beast! dazai

because I re read it and im sad and asagiri just loves to make everyone suffer

so spoilers for the beast au

((BTW IM SO SORRY TUMBLR MOBILE ISN’T LETTING ME CUT THE POST TO A READ MORE SO IM GOING TO TRY TO DO IT ON MY PC AND HOPE IT WORKS IF IT DOESNT IM SO SORRY;;;; ))

asagiri has already decided to make dazai a tragic character and break our hearts once, but he decided to also rip them out and spit on it.

in the canon world, we see dazai struggle through depression. ever since he was young he found there was no value in living as he says to mori in the fifteen arc. he tries throughout his life desperately to understand just why humans strive to live, why they fight so hard for their lives and work hard to live life to the fullest.

it’s no different in the many other worlds The Book had created, and that lonely hole in his chest is probably much bigger.

as explained by dazai in the light novel, the power of The Book does not effect him because of his ability, since The Book itself is an ability, dazai naturally cancels it out. because of this, dazai can practically “read his own memories” from the canon world. so he knows everything that happens in the original universe, that goes for every single dazai in every single au. every single one.

this in itself is probably one of the saddest things. if people not understanding dazai didn’t hurt enough in the canon world, imagine how horrible it is that the beast! dazai had suffer with this knowledge alone, because as mentioned, it’s not wise for a lot of people to know about The Book since the world they reside in will become unstable, and have a chance of disappearing.

at the end of the light novel we also learn of dazai’s plan. why he captured gin, and why he wanted to bring akutagawa and atsushi together.

it was for odasaku.

because dazai has the memories from his “original” self, he remember odasaku. he remembers how he died, he remembers that they were best friends, he remembers how odasaku was the only person who understood dazai to his core, he remember how much odasaku means to him.

but odasaku of this world doesn’t remember it at all. because to him it never happened. there is only the beast world and the beast world alone.

this is where the angst hits (harder lol)

dazai figures out (at some time idk when) that this is the only universe that odasaku survives (im not sure how exactly, im assuming he can read the memories of the other dazais? Idk)

he remembers odasakus passionate of becoming a writer, he remembers odasakus determination not to kill just so he could write his own novel.

and because I really do believe dazai has a heart shrouded in all that darkness, dazai wants the best for odasaku, dazai wants to make it so odasaku can continue to survive and write his novel.

so dazai being dazai makes this extremely elaborate extra ass plan to make sure it happens.

dazai knows that this world has a chance of disappearing since every time something is written down in The Book in any other au (I think? I believe it can be any one of them not just the canon one) The Book doesn’t create it out of nothing exactly, but borrows from other worlds to create what is written in the book to reality.

dazai’s afraid that this world might cease to exist, and if it does odasaku won’t get to write his novel in this only universe he survives in, odasaku won’t he happy and dazai doesnt want that.

now extra ass osamu here uses a lot of cruel tactics to get to his end goal, and it isn’t right at all, but I still have to sympathize because its just so painful lmao

during akutagawa and atsushi’s final battle, dazai goes to the lupin bar where he meets odasaku for the first time in this world. I feel like dazai fought with himself a lot not to visit odasaku during this time, probably wanting to do nothing else but to run to his old friend that he missed so damn much. and I think he couldnt resist in the end, I think he desperately wanted to see him one last time because from the very beginning he knew his own fate.

one of the many (lol) things that hurts me during this meeting is how dazai immediately jumps happily into conversation with odasaku when he sees him, how he invites him quickly to sit down with him (in which odasaku does but doesn’t sit right next to him, which seemingly hurts dazai, ouch my heart) and how he picks up conversation that dazai would normally have with odasaku in the real world, asking him if anything interesting happened to him that day or telling him about new suicide methods he tried, which leaves odasaku heavily confused as he kind of awkwardly replies to each question.

now because the pov during this scene is in oda’s, we don’t get know exactly what dazai is thinking, but oda describes his posture and reactions well for us to take a guess of how hard it is for dazai to not have probably the most important person in his life not know or care about him.

dazai tightening his grip around his glass, or dazai looking like a happy child in one second to trying to compose his emotion with a small smile in the next, these reactions happen when odasaku keeps bringing up how he doesn’t know dazai and how confused he is. and dazai trying to hold onto something, someone, who made him so happy. trying to ignore the pain he feels and grasp on to the good memories he has but odasaku doesn’t.

and then there’s the part in the bar that asagiri decided to write because he’s a writer and like all authors, lowkey likes to see his audience suffer.

when dazai calls oda by his nickname odasaku once again trying to get him to understand him, the man replies:

“Don’t call me Odasaku. There is no reason of an enemy to call me that.”

yeah I cried

I cried a lot

dazai’s reaction didn’t help either.

The young man suddenly seemed to have trouble breathing…He fought against something invisible.

in this world, dazai probably mastered concealing his emotions (he does in like every world, but he’s much more grim in this one so) he put up this wall and put on a mask for everyone but odasaku, he let his wall down and odasaku didn’t acknowledge it, didn’t bring him some sort of comfort like he did in the canon universe. not intentionally of course, not because odasaku was cruel, but odasaku didn’t know dazai as anything else but his enemy. for all he knows, dazai could be trying to manipulate him.

theyre enemies. they could never be friends in this world. but dazai seems to still try, even a little.

in the end, they part ways. dazai putting on that mask once again, and acting like this whole meeting didn’t just destroy him. because it would be worth it in the end, odasaku would live, be happy, write his novel.

dazai would suffer, but that’s okay. odasaku hates dazai, but that’s okay.

because odasaku is alive. odasaku is happy. and to dazai that’s enough.

we get to the ending that no one wants to read because we’re already in pain and we know asagiri is waiting there with a shotgun to deliver the final blow.

dazai arrives after akutagawa and atsushi’s fight to reveal his reasoning behind his plan. how atsushi and aku have to work together protect The Book to make sure this world doesn’t disappear just for oda, and he mentions how no more then two people can know about the existence of The Book also for the protection and stability of their world.

atsushi decides to so some quick maths then, and realizes in horror that dazai has slowly made his way to the edge of the building.

he pleads with dazai to not do it, but theres obviously no stopping him.

and in that moment I believe for the first time in a long time dazai is truly content.

the hatred towards him is heavy, but it doesn’t matter to dazai because odasaku is safe. he completed his mission.

dazai planned all of this from the very beginning up to his death. now, arguably, despite dazai’s heartwarming end goal he was still an awful person. he was abusive and manipulate. he hurt and killed others to get what he wanted. he was not a good person

but he suffered so much for the sake of one person, he knew his ending wasn’t going to happy, but the end goal was enough. the end goal made it worth it.

osamu could never tell anyone about his pain, not even his best friend. he had to instead put on the mask of the cruel boss of the port mafia. people either had to hate him or fear him. no one could ever love him, no one could ever care for him. and osamu knew that. from the very beginning. asagiri truly wrote a tragic but beautiful character.

now if you’ll excuse me im going to go cry :)))

[ahgaru]

Happy Days // Day6 fic; Days Gone By inspired

Pairing: Young K x Reader, and secret :P Word count: 1,269 Characters: Young K, Reader, minor mentions of other Day6 members, Eric Nam, Park Jimin/Jamie, Baek Ayeon

Past and present, reminiscing, happy days to happier days.

Did not proofread, excuse the mistakes

Younghyun looks at his side and meets your eyes. You smile at him as you continue to walk down the aisle. That small curve of lips you show him reaches his heart and he can’t help but smile back.

As you fix your eyes in front again, he lets out a soft breath. He moistens his lips as he puts a hand in his pocket.

As your feet stride forward, his mind runs back down his memory lane.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

You flipped your head towards him because of his sudden query. You gripped the railing and straightened up before shaking your head. You darted your eyes back on the sunset.

“I was just wondering how many sunsets we’ll be able to watch together,” her eyes traced the reflection of the sun on the surface of the sea. “A thousand more?”

Younghyun’s lips stretched into a smile. He drew you closer to him, causing him to side-hug you. “A million more. Or a billion more? We have eternity together so I’m sure we would lose count.”

“Eternity,” you nodded. “Let’s ask someone to put our bodies together when our time here on earth ends,” you chuckled. “So that even if our souls are elsewhere--still together--our remains here on earth would also be still together. Now that’s eternity,” you laughed loudly.

Younghyun almost shook his head. He bites his lower lip to curb himself from chuckling.

Now you’re walking to the path of your eternity. He looks up once again and his gaze shifts a little bit towards the right, and it lands on Eric and Jimin (both your and Younghyun’s good friends) standing, holding a mic, and singing. There’s also Wonpil who’s accompanying them with the piano.

As he looks back to Eric and Jimin, who are now facing each other, still singing, another series of images flash in his mind.

“What do you want to be in the future?” You quizzed right after you plopped on your seat across him.

He was reading a book, probably reviewing for exams tomorrow. He stared at you blankly, trying to figure out why you asked the question out of the blue.

“A billionaire?” You chortled. “A singer? You’re good at singing! Or perhaps a musician! You and Eric could be a duo!”

Younghyun creased his forehead. “Eric is old.”

Your jaw dropped and you threw him an accusing look before playfully slapping his arm. “He’s not old. And he doesn’t really look like older than you.”

“You’re saying we look like we’re at the same age? Do I look old?”

You laughed and threw him a piece of crumpled paper that was on the table. “I was saying that Eric just looks young. It’s just 6 years.”

“Yeah, and by the time I’d be on my mid-twenties, he’d already be on his early thirties.”

“That doesn’t matter. Now back to the question, what would you want to be?” you leaned forward and pierced your eyes on his.

He thought for a bit before a playful smile started to form. “I want to be a father of a soccer team.”

You furrowed your forehead and it was his time to laugh.

“Only a soccer team?” You challenged. “Do you want to add a basketball team?”

His laughter halted and he gazed at you mirthfully. He leaned forward. “I’m really so lucky to have you.”

You grinned as you drew your face closer to his. “I know,” you let out a soft chuckle before planting a peck on his lips.

Remembering those days fills his heart with warmth. He’s satisfied. He scans the faces of the crowd. They’re overwhelmed. Most are all smiles and few are in tears. He looks ahead and sees Jae and Dowoon, looking more handsome and in their suit and tie, and with their hairs done. Dowoon, the one whom you think of as a little brother, is almost as red as the carpet you walked on. Jae, your childhood friend, is showing a tight smile, preventing his tears from falling.

Everything is almost a blur. Younghyun can’t really comprehend what people are saying or the solemniser in the center since the beginning of the ceremony. But he hears every word that leaves your mouth when you say your vow--loud and clear--while holding the hand of the man you love the most, your eternity.

You’re so beautiful in your white long dress that is hugging you, showing your curves. You aren’t really the sexy type, yet you look so perfect in it. You’re the most beautiful today--not just in one’s eyes, but to everyone in the place.

You’re beautiful like your memories together. You had little quarrels but there were really no sad days. There was comfort in silent conversations. There was security with each other’s gaze.

"Ah, what happy days. It was like a dream. Now though there won’t be more I’m going to leave them in the past... " Younghyun thinks and smiles silently as he lets his gaze linger on you.

“You may now seal your union with a kiss,” the vow master pronounces as the crowd gets excited.

“Go get it, Park Sungjin!” someone cheers and everyone laughs.

The groom, Sungjin, shakes his head. He bites his lips and brushes his palm on his shaved head before sealing the marriage.

Younghyun smiles at the sight. There’s no regret. Sure, the period after your break up was hard. It was a very rough road. He missed you a lot. Pain and sadness engulfed him. But it’s been long. And he has accepted it for quite a while now, too.

Delicate fingers grasp Younghun’s hand. He looks at his side and his eyes meet hers.

“You okay?”

“I’m okay, Ayeon,” he smiles at her as he intertwines their fingers. “I’ve always been okay since you found me.”

He was lost. He kept on walking in circles, trying to forget you yet always find himself trying to get back to you. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know which way to go. He was trapped in a maze and he would always find himself at the starting point. But she found him and led him out of that maze.

He told her everything. She knew about you. He told her how much he loved you. She knows how much he loves him now.

Yes, there’s no regret.

Younghyun looks at her intently. He can’t believe how blessed he is to have Ayeon by his side. She saw how broken he was yet he accepted him. Now he’s whole again. She knew the risk she was going to take, the uncertainties that would haunt her, the doubts that will keep knocking on her mind, yet she opened her heart. When Younghyun entered her heart, the fear slowly faded.

She has learned how to believe in what he feels for her. She came to believe in what they both have.

Younghyun’s thumb caresses the back of Ayeon’s hand before he lifts it close to his mouth and plant a kiss on it. “I love you,” he whispers.

Ayeon nods and shows a soft smile. “I know. I love you, too.”

Younghyun squeezes her hand softly yet firmly before looking at the newly wed couple again. You sure had happy days together--days gone by. Now both of you are in a different journey for happier days you’ll have in your lives.

“Someday,” Younghyun utters softly, almost whispering. He doesn’t intend for Ayeon to hear it, but she hears it still. “It will be the two of us standing in front, sealing the vow of our journey-to-be to never ending happy days.”

--

I didn't put YoungK/Ayeon and Sungjin/Reader in the relationship/pairing because tadaaaa~! Surprise surprise! Sorry for those who were disappointed bc of YoungK/Reader expectation till the end but ended up with different people.

Also, I changed the usual "You may now kiss the bride" line.

Anyway, thoughts?

scream at me on twitter (@kohiiby) or curiouscat (daelisix) thankies FIC MASTERLIST

[mass-effect-a-companions-react]

The team reacts to Ryder knitting something for them

Jaal: Oh! He is so excited to get a gifts from his friend/darling one! He's gushing at the thought of how much Ryder must like him to give him a gift. Ryder knitted him a poncho with a hood and buttons and everything. He will wear it occasionaly if he and Ryder are just friends, but if romanced he wears it all the time. Sometimes over or under his roff-jinn and sometimes just by itself. He cant wait to show his true mother his gift. Romaced or not, he gives them a roff-jinn tailored to them in thier favorite color in turn.

Cora: She's surprised to see a knitted dress in her quaters thrown across her bed. In a little box next to it were knitted earings and a braclet. She pickes up a note and what it says will vary depending on her relationship. If unromanced or F!Ryder the note will say "An outfit for future girls night out"If romanced it will say "An outfit for for dates.Ps: I know its not exactly the roses you planed for, but who knows maybe they will be"She looks over on her desk to find a vase of knitted roses with a packes of rose seeds next to it labled "for the future."She thanks Ryder for the gifts and also kinda jokes about them for being a knitting dork. She totally wears the dress and keeps the roses next to her bed.

PeeBee: She honestly couldn't help but to laugh. The great pathfinder likes to knit like an old person. But by the goddess if that snatchel Ryder handed her didn't look great. She'd take it only use half of the old jokes she came up with and uses it all the time. It's got alot of pockets for her to store any remnant tech pieces and knick-knacks she may pick up on her adventures. As a thank-you PeeBee snags something she thinks Ryder would like and they find it on thier bed in crudely knitted pouch.

Liam: He cracked the dorkiest grin when he received a present box from Ryder and it only got wider when he open it to find a knitted jacket. Although, part of it could just be from him resisting the urge to laugh at the thought of Ryder knitting. He tries it on, and it fits him perfectly. Nice and soft too. He buried his face in the collar of it before giving them a bear hug. If romanced he'll kiss Sara, though putting on the jacket is a waist because it just ends up discarded with the rest of thier clothes in the heat of the moment.

Drack: Nakmor Drack is not a softy. He did not get a little happy when he saw Ryder's note ontop of the knitted pillows and blanket on his bed.He did not get reminiscent of when Kesh would give him little gifts all crumpled in her little chubby hands and he did not smile at the fact that Ryder hand made a gift for him. Nakmor Drack is not a softy. He does not enjoy the pyjack and varren patten. Nor did he change his bed sheets to the new set. Nakmor Drack is not a softy. He did not get Ryder that new gun they were eyeing because of the gift, and did not smile or feel pride when he saw how excited they were to have it. Nakmor Drack is not a softy.

Lexi: She was pleasantly surprised when Ryder presented knitted baskets for her. "You always did say you needed more storage space." They say with a shrug as Lexi thanks them. She asks them how to make make them so that she could create her own in the future. The next time Ryder visits the lab, the baskets are on display in various places full of little medical items and catalogs. A few weeks later Lexi gives Ryder a very shabby looking basket, but they keep it anyway and put all thier knitting stuff in it, much to her enjoyment.

Vetra: Ryder gives her a bright purple scarf, and she purrs in appreciation. Her mandibles clicked pleasantly as she felt how smooth and soft the scarf is. She will switch back and forth from her normal scarf and Ryder's scarf, but if romanced she will wear the purple scarf more often. Regardless of romance status, Vetra will use her connections to get Ryder what ever they want. Sid makes fun of her for it.

Kallo: He honestly almost doesnt register the new slip cover or cushion at first. The chair feels..different some how and the seat is softer and more comfortable. After a hot second he hopped up to find the knitted slip and cushion in his favorite color, followed by a giggle from Suvi, who was obviously in on it (Thats how Ryder learns his favorite color) He doesn't really do anything about it right away, but he will thank them and makes an unscheduled stop on Aya for a quick 1 day shore leave and a good portion of credits.

Suvi: She all but squealed when Ryder gave her red knitted boots, and thanked them profusely as she slipped off her shoes to try the new ones on. If romanced she will kiss Sara then and there, causing Kallo to make a remark about them getting a room and washing his eyes. As a thank you, Suvi (who is a master knitter) will give them a hand made Cardigan with their 2 favorite animals on it. They now have weekly knitting sessions, and the team joins in eventually, even Lexi and Drack. But Vetra is now banned because she got angry becuase she couldnt purl right and almost took out Gil's eye when she threw the needle across the room

.Gil: Gil was a hard person to knit for. What would he even like? Ryder was stumped and just knitted him a sweater, tossing it over his work table with a quciky scribbled note. He thanks them, but didnt do anything drastic.He does like wear it around the ship. Its a bit too big and went loose around the shoulders but he loves it, especially if Ryder is romanced because it kind of smells like him. He also goes just a little bit easier on them at Poker. But, one day Ryder recives a mini cake in their quaters with a bit of it eaten off and a note in Gil's hand writing that says "Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Reyes: Ryder had already left when he found his gift. A little black box with a note next to it on the table. He opens it to find a little knitted ring with a button threaded in the center for the jewl. He smirked as he slipped the ring on already having plans for the next time he saw them. The next time Ryder arives on Kadara port, Reyes imediantly wisked away across the port for a day of drinks and adventure. He flaunts the ring, especially if romances ( he jokes about Ryder proposing to him with string) The day ends with the with the two relaxing in the bar room of Tartarus drinking over a personal bottle of wine. They joke about what ever they did that day, however if romanced Reyes presents them with thier own ring carved and smoothed out of stone, though the pants are lost soon. They left with an unopened bottle (and a kiss if romanced) and memories that they probably won't remember.

Bouns Twin: Ryder walked into the bedbay with a little knitted necklace in thier hands decorated with various beads in the center. "Well bro/sis you always did complain about my knitting abilities. But since you nocked out cold, you cant compalin when I put this on you." You slipped the necklace still half expecting them to complain but wear it for like 3 hours before it mysteriously got stuck underneath a chair. But they didnt and around thier neck it stayed. For some reason every time you saw it around thier neck you couldnt help but to feel a twinge of sadness you spoke to them."The moment I wake up, Im gonna strangle you with this."And for some reason, that made you feel better.

[owlpajamas-archived-blog]

yuu dies au

basic summary: “i thought kagami treated me horribly but then i met you lot” -- mika

“no one is happy and mika is the least happy”

the agenda: - make everyone sad - make ourselves sad

nory: heyyy remember yuu dies au bee: r u about to angst on us nory nory: welll i was thinking about it some more bany: Oh Boy

created by moi, @distressedphilosopher​, @forblazes​, and @celestialshinoa​

GIANT HUGE CONTENT WARNING for: suicide, self harm, fucked up mental shit, fucked up coping methods, disordered eating (kinda??), pain and suffering

Setting: during the Final Battle, yuu goes seraph and sacrifices himself to cleanse the entire world. kinda like what he did at nagoya but on a larger scale

yuu was secretly planning smth like this ever since they started planning the final battle (in sanguinem?? tokyo again???) and he was dropping hints leading up to it and being super duper affectionate and emotional towards everyone and spent a lot of time reassuring them all that he loves them so much etc etc. and insisted on mika drinking from him one last time the day they leave bc that means so much to both of them. n at the end of the battle yuu goes seraph and does the thing and there's this huge explosion/burst of incredibly bright light and a huge shockwave and it lasts for several minutes and when the dust clears yuu is lying at the epicenter of a huge crater

and mika gets to him first and the others just hear him scream with grief/pain and they Know. mika is completely incoherent and refuses to leave yuu's body and doesn't let anyone else get close for a while........maybe that's the first time mika tries to kill himself...this is getting a lot darker than i first intended

ok so it's after the battle right and yuu's body is at the morgue and the shinoa squad is back at their house recovering physically and emotionally from everything

like it's their first day back from staying at hospital overnight

and it's morning and mika drags himself out of bed and downstairs and he's dissociating like whoah; and he opens the fridge and the first thing he sees is the several bottles of blood. and it's yuu's blood that they made before the Final Battle; and mika just falls to the floor sobbing bc yuu is gone, he's dead, and yet a part of him is still here?? and feeding mika was always something special for the two of them, it was calm and safe and bonding time

and after mika drinks this yuu will be gone for Real

he's just hit w all this existentialism and reality of the situation

shinoa runs into the kitchen and finds him and he's totally inconsolable

the remnants of the JIDA become the new human government and they let the shinoa squad, including mika, retire early to a house in the countryside for their service.

t starts off w the squad in their new home and it's up in the mountains and it's nice and quiet and there are fields for them to grow their own food and they have a goat or chickens or smth idk but it's empty and they're all grieving

no one really knows what to do w themselves bc not only is yuu dead but they're all retired indefinitely now

kimizuki tries to distract himself w cooking

mika sleeps All The Time like for days at a time bc of vamp metabolism is weird af. so if u add in severe depression and grief u get....sleeping for 3 days straight. also in attempt to get mika out of bed kimizuki ropes him into House Chores™. picture mika and kimizuki at the sink. mika is robotically peeling onions mika and kimi become the food prep team

 he likes feeding the chickens. shinoa takes up crochet. shinoa gave the chickens all stupid names

everyone struggles to cope and mika is actively suicidal and the squad tries to bring him out of it

mika loses his appetite from grief/depression and refuses to drink for a week+ at a time and gets really weak and sick. it's ironic bc all this time drinking blood has been the thing he hates most about being a vampire but he kept doing it so that he could save yuu/live with yuu. and now yuu's dead and he doesn't even care about blood at all. like under any other circumstances this would be a GOOD thing to not be thirsty but.

it's a struggle to get him to drink anything bc the old solution of "confront him and cut ur arm or show him blood and then he'll give in and drink" doesn't work anymore bc mika just Doesn't Fucking Care.

someone just ends up jamming their arm into his fangs and he hates it but his instincts are screaming at him to eat, eat, survive even if his mind and heart don't want to

like once he starts drinking his body is like Oh Shit wait this is a really good thing u need this to survive

and then theres panic among the person who jammed their arm into his teeth because oh fuck his jaw locked (as vampires do when feeding sometimes. this was completely on accident on mikas part tho)

at one point yoichi is trying to convince him to drink and is getting really really worried bc mika is in a Bad Place and so he kind of yells at mika “yuu would want you to!!” or smth like that. and mika snaps and starts yelling at him and is Really Angry in a scary vampire way. like he just whirls around and yells at yoichi to shut the fuck up, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, he slams his fist into the wall, he’s baring his fangs and his eyes have this dangerous glint. and yoichi starts crying bc he’s just so scared and worried for mika, and he’s also grieving yuu so much, and he can’t help but be scared when mika acts like that

and then mika feels even worse!! >: D

yoichi is sobbing and mika doesn’t kno what to Do he’s so confused and disoriented and he feels so awful and it’s a Mess. the rest of the squad comes running in and intervenes cuz they heard the yelling

bany: also u know how cats will purr when either happy OR distressed as a self-comfort mechanism?yeah. that happens. its not a happy purr sound. its miserable and throaty and stuttered.

yoichi is crying and saying “i’m sorry i’m sorry” and “i miss him too!!” and kimi and shinoa are trying to comfort him and mika is floundering and sad-purring

bany: mika just. gives up and curls into a ball. just him and the squad and the vibrations in his throat

kimi drags yoichi away, who doesn’t want to leave until mika’s ok, and shinoa and narumi stay and try to talk to mika. he caves and drinks from narumi and then falls asleep for like a day and a half after that. depression symptoms become more exaggerated when ur a vampire bc their metabolism is slower. mika becomes the master of the depression nap.

hey hey what if he and yoichi cuddle after the fight as an apology. mika falls asleep and yoichi starts petting his hair and mika starts purring, then yoichi falls asleep too. yoichi Insists that mika drink from him, or at least drink /something/ bc mika’s had no appetite for weeks and is p much starving himself

bany: he feeds so infrequently and in such small portions the squad starts to notice signs of continual starvation (his cheeks are hollow, his spine should not be that pronounced, holy shit ribs) and say okay this has GOT to STOP

permanent dark circles under his eyes and shaky hands, dizzy spells All the time, his skin was always pale but now it’s paler than normal and all the color is washed out or greyed out

bany: vampires have slow heartbeats right? it should not be as fast as it is

nice thing about living w a group of powerful demon users/human experiments is that they all have a pretty good healing factor so they can lose a lot more blood and be fine than a normal human could

after yuu’s death and things settle down a little and the squad resigns from the JIDA and live in a house together in a small town thats being built again. theres a grave and shrine where yuu is buried, its in the woods a little,  and thats where mika spends most of his time. shinoa helped him plant perenials to plant on the gravesite. mika spends most of his time dissociating and remembering and talking to yuu outloud. about how much mika misses yuu and how desperately he wants to be with him, mika cant bear the thought of existing in a world where yuu no longer exits, and that hes so sorry that he could save yuu and that he wants to join yuu in death but he cant bc its impossible. and hes so lonely and he feels like something has been ripped out of him, bc yuu was mika’s life parter and fp.

he tells yuu about all the stuff that happens everyday too, and he also cries a lot. he tells yuu about how his appetite is gone and how ironic it is that something he wanted so bad to happen (to not want to drink blood) was caused by his worst nightmare (yuu’s death)

Melissa: Mika realizes how much he actually appreciated drinking Yuu's blood n stuff and how much he hates that he has no other options now

The squad keep a little schedule without mika knowing and they go and visit him and let him feed from them (or rather, make him)

He doesn't fight back as much as he used to because he just doesn't care about anything

Nory: he reaches a point where he doesnt cry or anything anymore but the only emotion he has is overwhelming grief and self loathing. he talks about how grateful he was that yuu accepted him so enthusiastically and whole-heartedly and always looked out for him even when mika made it difficult; and how much he misses drinking from yuu and how comforting and safe it was because he loved yuu so much and they had so much trust in each other. the first time he drinks directly from one of the squad members he breaks down and is flooded w memories of yuu

also he gets really really furious at the other squad members bc they arent feeling the grief as powerfully as he does. like they still are absolutely grieving for yuu but they start to recover and move through the stages of grief and mika cant

Melissa: Mika thinks it's because humans are fickle and care less and he gets mad at them for being so "shallow"

he takes his grief and angery out on them and yells at them and gets into fights, yelling how they couldnt posssibly understand what hes feeling right now, how dare you, how dare you start to move on….etc..

During one of his angry spurts he just runs into a forest and starts knocking down trees

Nory: someone tries to comfort him and he curls in on himself and hes termbling and sad-purring. kimi tries to stop hm and mika whirls around and snarls “dont touch me” and he looks really feral and its a little scary.

Melissa: He does the neck grab attack thing on someone then looks down on them as tears fall from his face into theirs then he gets off and turns his back toward them and just says "...I'm sorry" then flies away

Nory: he doesnt come back for a day or 2 and he comes back really exhausted and dissociating and bleeding a lot

Melissa: he stabs himself a lot (cue nory sobbing)

he hasnt had any blood in over a weak and he just makes it to the front porch before he faints, his injuries arent healing bc hes so weak. And everyone is like "how do we feed him if he's unconscious???" he wakes up a little when they get him inside and immediately throws up from internal bleeding. (I LOVE SUFFERING)

And they just like try to stop his bleeding enough to get him to be conscious enough not to choke on it.

he drinks from kimizuki then bc his body is running on autopilot at this point and hes to tired to fight the impulses anymore, and after he gets enough in his system he watches his wounds start to heal and he's like "damn it" and is mad and embarrassed w himself later for causing a scene and being an inconvenience.

he was also so drained and out of it he wasnt even thinking about dying he was just in pain and his instincts took over completely

he was dissociating and he didnt even remember going back to the house or fainting, he just wakes up in his bed not knowing what happened or where he is

after a while mika starts sleeping in yoichis room bc its comforting and it lets him forget about anything and just pretend hes a normal teenager

Sleep deprived angst talks are the best kind

yoichi + mika have late night talk sessions that usually involve at least 1 of the crying

mika comforting yoichi tho?? good shit……..in a very quite, subdued way, lots of hugs involved, purring, crying. they finally fall asleep at like 3 am and dont get up till past noon. mika is clinging to yoichi like an octopus.

Mika: holds yoichi

Yoichi: is held

yoi always wakes up earlier than mika but he stays in bed and falls into a doze and hugs mika instead of getting up

bc its so nice to have companionship and also he knows that mika will get really anxious if he wakes up and yoi isnt there

oooooh maybe the first time they sleep in the same bed yoichi gets up in the morning to have breakfast and mika’s still asleep (he needs his rest). and then mika wakes up and panics bc yoichi is gone, and he immediately thinks someting bad happened

mika rushes downstairs bc Gotta FInd YOichi and sees everyone in the kitchen eating breakfast and everythings fine, but he still hugs yoi and checks him over for injuries and doesnt want to let him go. vampire instincts say Gotta Protect Yoichi

and hes like trembling a little bc what if something had happened to yoichi or any of the others??

scenario: mika spends days at a time at yuu's shrine and it's pouring rain and getting to be nighttime so yoichi goes to look for him and he's bleeding from his wrists and not healing bc he hasn't had blood in a week. and yoichi eventually persuades him to come inside. (bany: this kills the man). and basically half carries mika back to the house, and the other squad members are anxiously waiting in the kitchen, mika is basically incoherent but he's just so. miserable. and everyone hurts. he’s dripping blood and cold water and hes a Mess™

yoichi and shinoa get him upstairs and into the bath and mika doesn't even care bc he's just. done.

(also there's mikayoi going on bc i'm lov that shit)

mika says that his life his worthless if yuu is dead and that he's failed his only purpose - to keep yuu safe. and yoichi and shinoa talk about how they need him too bc he's their family now too. and there are nice tender moments with yoichi washing mika's hair

bany: good because his hair would be Nasty and prob needs a good brush

 afterwards mika drinks from yoichi bc he's too exhausted to even protest and they have another Tender Moment™

anyway imagine mika and yoichi hugging each other quietly remembering yuu 

:" )

the squad ovs ends up sleeping in the same room/mattress pile (comfort among others, ect.) but they have like. babysitting mika shifts. they take turns wedging him into the corner of the pile so 1. he can get some fucking sleep and 2. he won't get up and try anything self destructive at tnight.  lot of times he can't even sleep OR he sleeps for days at a time

thats it for now :3 thank u for reading so far and also im sorry

[hielorei]

Tri Loss Reaction/Review *SPOILERS*

Okay I watched Tri Loss, and here is my Review/Reaction if I have to call it something. so. SPOILERS

lets start with the poster elements 

Edit: I forgot to add the “read more”, Sorry D:

Sora/Yamato/Taichi: I was so worried this was going to be fanservice and fuel to the shipping war, but it wasnt. I loved what they did to this relationships, they showcased how close they are, and how strong they friendship is. This is why I like about Sora and Taichi, their frienship, I must say im a sorato shipper, and I love that while Yamato is clearly her romantic interest, and while she and Taichi tried, they still friends, and the Taiora friendship is important to me because no many times you can see a male female friendship in media that doesnt involve them having romantic feelings.

Hououmon and Biyomon/Sora: this was so sad, seeing how their bond was gone and the impact of it had on Sora. And then add that practically the other digimon stay the same was really hurtful to watch. All I can think about was the parallel with Sora and her mom in adventure, and how her mother must have felt. and finally, her evolving into her mega, and kinda understanding the meaning of partner was nice.

Bakumon/Himekawa and the Original Digidestined: HOLY SHIT. She and Daigo were part of the ORIGINAL DIGIDESTINED! THE ONES EVERYONE WAS WONDERING ABOUT! (This totally destroy the theory that the Frontier kids were the original digidestined, im kinda sad because I liked the idea) AND THEY FAIL? I dont know, yeah, Bakumon was killed, but somehow never made back to the Village of the Beginnings?? maybe because he was used to seal the Dark Masters? and when she finally gets to meet Bakumon again after the reboot he doesnt recognize her, and the reaction was so sad. and yes, I do still believe that she isnt a bad person, she just wanted to see her partner again and worked all her life to get to it, on a side note, Daigo asking Maki out was so damn cute! and BTW, Was Daigo the Gogglehead????

Gennai: HOLY SHIT, the tonge thing was so great, disgusting and great, I can only hope the kids save him and he is so embarassed of that. I really hope we can get to see him being a good guy again.

Yggdrasill: I wasnt expecting this, I dont think Yggdrasill is a bad thing, it is doing what it thinks its better for the digital world, but with Yggdrasill in play. where the Royal Knight fits into? and Hackmon? Why is he working for the Homeostasis?

Homeostasis: Im glad this thing is back, the Homeostasis remind me of the Truth from Fullmetal Alchemist. lets see who is the true god of this digital world, Yggdrasill or The Homeostasis.

Meiko and Meicoomon: oh god, why? really, what is the point of them being here? I dont care about them, I waited and waited for them to have more backstory, but nope, Willis have more backstory than them. I was waiting for one of them to be killed, that would be interesting to see, a human dying, I mean, Oikawa died, what we didnt get to see the impact on the kids... partially because was at the end and because most of the story he was a bad guy. but think about this, Meiko dying, when she is considered by the others as one of them, and then, Meicoomon loosing all control at her partner death.

The others kids/partners: I love it, a fresh start, something knew but still feeling familiar, I love how, even when the digimon didnt had any memories, they felt the connection to the kids, I have to talk specially about Izzy/Tentomon and Joe/Gomamon

“Maybe this is for the better”: I loved when Hikari said that. because with Gatomon losing her memories, how she was abused by Myotismon, how she felt empty her whole life untill she met Hikari, and most importantly, her memories of her best friend, Wizarmon, even when I think its really sad she doesnt remember having him in her life, I think its better for her not having the scars of his death, I think Wizardmon would have loved it.

“Am I Pretty?”: this line, this line killed me, I cried at this line. Because it was what Lilimon asked Mimi right after she evolved, and Mimi answered, something alond the lines of “you always were”. This was a strong moment back then, because this meant that Palmon always believed her to be ugly, to be less than Mimi, and maybe unworthy of being her partner, after all, Mimi was pretty. and now, Mimi having the oportunity to start all over, her making sure Palmon never feel that way in this new life, speak a lot of her, and how much she grown from adventure.

Our War Game Parallel: this was when Yamato and Taichi were drowning, like when Wargreymon and Metalgarurumon were “dying” in Our War Game, Taichi and Yamato jump in to save their partners. this time Taichi and Yamato were the ones dying and Gabumon and Agumon jumped to save them, even when their bond wasnt strong, but deep inside them they knew, and that act was what trigger the warp evolution to WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon.

Seraphimon: I was glad to see him again, BUT! I was waiting for Takeru’s reaction to Seraphimon. Why? because Hurracain Touchdown, If Takeru woud have been suprised to this evolution would have mean that he never did see it before, making Hurracain Touchdown not canon, so making Willis (one of my favorites) not canon to the Adventure world. but he didnt react to it at all. Izzy did react, but he wasnt there when Patamon evolved before so of course it was the first time of his seeing Seraphimon. 

Now the next poster leak for Tri Symbiosis/Union. It shows Meiko and Hikari, what seems to be Meicoomon’s mega and Ophanimon Falldown Mode, I dont know what the fandom thinks about it because once im done writing this i will go into the tag, Im doing this because I want to have my own opinion and not being modified with others, so lets put this first, I always were pro Ophanimon for Gatomon’s mega. Why? Because it fits the story better, Takeru and Hikari were always treated as a pair, for better or for worse they did. Angemon and Angewomon were the angels that allowed the mega evolution in the first place, their crest are special and kinda mean the same. they armor evolution are Pegasusmon and Nefertimon (and btw, are we gonna see them in tri? or the 02 kids?) they are pretty similar and have a team attack. and then having their mega not following this, seems really odd. and you can see Magnadramon evolution in two ways, Gatomon didnt had her Holy Ring, so she evolve into Magnadramon instead of Ophanimon. and the second, at the time of the movie, Ophanimon wasnt even a thing (Ophanimon was introduced in 2001 and Hurricane Touchdown aired in 2000), so they went with what they had, Im pretty sure if Ophanimon was already introduced by that time, we would have had her instead of Magnadramon. And no, Im not against Magnadramon at all. but, when the movie that proved Gatomon’s mega seems to not be canon at all (see Seraphimon above), well... IDK, and dont came with the games, because how many times the games do not follow the anime?. and for what we know, Ophanimon Falldown mode only evolve from Ophanimon. and if Ophanimon is a side evolution, I want to see Goldramon as Sephimon side evolution. and what could trigger this dark evolution? the dark ocean? Myotismon? I CANT WAIT TO KNOW jfkbfjdkbfkd

WELL, I have to said I really liked this movie, It answered some really old questions the fandom had (The original digidestined) but open new ones. 

I cant wait to september (?). and now, I can go into the tag, and read others opinions, and maybe I will read something that changes my mind, and you are more than welcome to chat with me about digimon, I love talking to others about digimon and discuss theories. so please, go ahead and talk digimon to me, I need someone to talk to ;D