#if nothing else this should keep you occupied for some time 😅

[lemonandpie]

@b0nes-mcgee asked me for an angsty yaoi reclist, and oh boy am I willing to oblige. A lot of these I read a long time ago, so I don't rememvber all of the content warnings, but when reading yaoi it's a good idea to just assume sexual assault will turn up. I also can't swear by the quality for all of them, but they are all very angsty.

(And yes, I am using yaoi as a catchall term here, even though not all of them are sexual or even canonically gay, just very heavily implied. Also yaoi is a Japanese term and some of the works are Korean).

The Classics

Viewfinder (CW for all kinds of sexual assault between love interests and others; typical mafia stuff). Photographer gets some snaps of the mafia, and mob boss decides to get him to stay quiet via. Well. See content warnings. Last time I looked, it was still unfinished, sadly.

Maiden Rose (CW for sexual assault between love interests. And I'm sure other things that I don't remember considering it's set in an AU WW2). Imperial Prince who is Not Allowed To Be Touched Ever and his bodyguard who decides to ignore that. Basically sent my purity kink into overdrive, RIP baby Lemon. Also potentially unfinished.

Mada Koi Towa Shirazu ni (CW sexual assault, suicidal ideation). Young samurai in training is assaulted by his jealous peers, so he seeks out an older samurai who can teach him how to commit Seppuku. They end up falling in love instead. Most erotic discussions of suicide I have ever seen and yes that is as insane as it sounds.

Ai no Kusabi (CW for sexual slavery). Highly recommend if you enjoy a brattier sub.

Black Butler (CW for... everything?) Not technically a BL, but definitely has the angst. If you cannot deal with any form of underage stay very clear (I'd struggle if I hadn't started it younger than Ciel and prior to developing that particular squick. Nothing is explicit, but Ciel ends up in a lot of sexual situations). I personally gave up on it because the manga has developed gone-on-too-long-itis, where the author has just thrown in any soap opera plot twist they can think of. Others may be fine with that, but if not then I'd say watch season 1 of the anime and then the OVAs.

Newer Works

Ten Count (CW sexual assault between love interests, graphic depiction of OCD, and an incestuous sexual situation involving a child). Office worker with severe contamination OCD ends up in a bet with a psychology student that the student can 'cure' his OCD. With dubcon sex! Messy, but I adore the MC and his backstory fully triggered me.

Obey Me (CW sexual assault, kidnapping, stalking, child abuse, bullying, suicide, homophobia, transphobia... it's a lot). Isolated loner gets kidnapped and held captive by his stalker, and slowly learns the truth of his amnesia. This is super fucked up, and it hit the level of dark where I wasn't sure how good it is but god did it scratch the angst spot in my brain.

Dangerous Drug of Sex (CW sexual assault between love interests, suicide). Suicidal man is kidnapped mid-suicide attempt by a doctor whose partner died by suicide, so now he's determined to keep this guy alive by any means necessary. Noncon BDSM as therapy, my favorite. I've only seen the film so far, which was really good but part of that is in the way it leaned into the horror elements as well as the romantic ones. A sex scene with horror chords and loud screams was too much for a lot of people, so if that sounds like you, maybe read the manga.

Eclipse of the Celestial Heart (CW sexual assault and so much murder omg). Just minutes after their first kiss, main guy sees his new boyfriend be brutally murdered and then just... get up like it's nothing. Then it happens over, and over, and over. A pretty good thriller that gets increasingly horrifying, with lots of betrayal and pain.

Kiraide Isasete (CW sexual assault). This is definitely the sweetest work on this list. MC is an omega who was raped and impregnated by his alpha classmates. It focuses on his healing from that trauma and learning to open himself up to alphas after being hurt so poorly by them. Still ongoing I think.

General Mangaka Recs

Kaori Yuki is made for Anne Rice fans. Gothic horror, romance with debatable morals, and incest coming out the wazoo. If there was ever a manga version of TVA, she'd be perfect. Boy's Next Door might be the only one that is officially yaoi, but they're all good.

CLAMP's older stuff is very heavy on bother angst and queerness, but while it gets very sexy there's no sex.

Harada is the current superstar of kinky angsty manga. All of the trigger warnings, all of the kinks, and so much angst.

I haven't read, but heard good things

Killing Stalking. Sounds kind of like the homoerotic version of You, and I think Obey Me took a lot if inspo from it. Very dark, very angsty. There's a lot of debate whether it counts as a BL because the romance is in one direction, but that's the same logic as people who claim Marimand never had sex because there's no penetration.

Painter in the Night. I don't know a lot about this one, except that it's steamy and angsty and historical.

Ennead. I know, I disgust myself. Inspired by Egyptian mythology, with all of the incest, sexual assault, and general messiness that comes with it.

Kaze to Ki no Uta. Again, I disgust myself. This is considered the original shounen-ai, and basically all of the standard tropes of the genre come from this series. Which means it's angsty af and deals with sexual assault.

[lymtw]

Hi ! This is my first time requesting something on Tumblr and I don't know if your requests are open, but if they are could you please write something about Toji where f!reader is his girlfriend (long term) and she gets in a small argument with young megumi in which he says she's not his mom (which she isn't, but she still kinda raised him with Toji). She gets sad and Toji comforts her and maybe scolds megumi and it's fluffy at the end ?

I hope it's not too confusing 😅 and if you don't want to do it it's completely okay ! I really like the way you write Toji and your works are so good !

A/N: Ngl I actually kinda teared up a little when I was thinking out the scenario for this. Don't judge me, it was like 2am-ish lol. This prompt is so good 😭🫶🏼

Thank you for sending in this request 💙

Toji could hear bickering coming from outside your shared bedroom, familiar voices going back and forth over who knows what in the room next door. He tried to roll over and go back to sleep, because he trusted that it would be over soon. You're an adult talking to a kid. Your logic is sharper than Megumi's, so things should be resolved quickly. His eyes shut again, but the arguing wouldn't cease. Who knows how long this has gone on for.

He sighs and blinks his tired eyes open, before getting out of bed to see what all the commotion is about at eight in the morning. He grabs his shirt from the end of the bed and slips it on, over his head, as he walks over Megumi's room. Your voices are much clearer to Toji, now, as he nears the door. He stands by to listen in on what's going on.

"I just organized your room, Megumi. All i'm asking you to do is to put your toys back where they belong when you're not playing with them."

"I am playing with them," the boy says, holding two dinosaur figures. "I'm playing with all of them. I'm gonna go back to the ones over there, right now."

You sigh. The argument has been looping this way for too long. It feels pointless to argue with a child, yet you're still doing it because deep down, it irks you to have put in so much effort to keep his space clean, just for him to trash it the second he occupies the room, again.

"Let's see." You start looking around the floor for toys you know for certain he hasn't been playing with. "You're not playing with this plushie or this car. This slinky isn't being used either and it's gonna get tangled if you don't put it somewhere safe."

The boy groans, tired of hearing you list off things you see out of place on the floor. He goes back to playing with the dinosaurs in his hands, blocking out your voice.

"Megumi, are you even listening to me?" You ask, setting some of the smaller toys you collected off the floor onto the top of his dresser.

"I don't want to and I don't have to," he utters, carelessly, not even sparing you a glance. "You're not my mom, so I don't have to listen to you. Just my dad."

You're stunned by this sudden revelation of his feelings towards you. The argument is over. Megumi was the winner because he got you to back off, but at what cost? Your heart weighed a ton after what he said. You had nothing else to say to him in that moment, so you let go of your end of the tug of war rope.

Toji hears your footsteps nearing the door and makes himself known by appearing as you're heading out.

"Hey." He attempts to grab your attention, but you don't even look at him. You pat his chest twice and leave the room. He takes a step out of the room, calling for you once more as you get farther away from him. "Ma." All he gets is a thumbs up from you as you keep walking, an indication of how you're not emotionally stable enough to respond verbally.

Toji sighs, briefly watching Megumi, who still hasn't stopped playing with his toys. He's completely unaware of what just went down.

He steps further into the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed, next to his mini.

"Megs, that wasn't cool." He receives a hum in response. "Why would you say something like that?"

Megumi's hands still. He briefly looks at his dad before resuming what he was doing. "Like what? I was just in here, playing with my toys," he says, feigning innocence, not knowing that Toji had been listening.

"I heard what you said and it wasn't nice at all. She's always been good to you."

"But what I said is true," he exclaims, his expressive, green eyes widening, defensively.

"Okay, let's calm down. I'm not raising my voice, am I?"

Megumi slowly shakes his head. He puts down the dinosaur toys and crosses his legs, folding his hands in his lap.

"I want you to look at it this way," Toji starts, looking around at the room you were once so proud of for returning to a pristine state, now cluttered with various toys and clothes. "She's always been here for you. She takes care of you when I have to go to work, she reads to you before bed, she wakes up to make you breakfast. You like when she makes breakfast, right?"

The boy nods. "I like when she makes dog shaped pancakes."

"Yeah, me too. You think she's gonna wanna be around and make dog shaped pancakes for us if you talk to her like that?"

Megumi shakes his head. "No, but she wouldn't stop telling me to clean up my toys when I told her that i'm still playing with them."

"Well, I only see you playing with this little pool of toys, here on the bed. Everything else is just scattered all over the place. You know she worked hard to clean this place up, right?"

"Mm... yeah," he responds, coyly.

"You're like a tornado, Megs," he says, causing the fluffy-haired boy to laugh. "Yeah, it's pretty funny, huh?" Megumi keeps laughing while nodding which makes Toji crack a grin.

"I'm sorry," Megumi mumbles, once he settles down. He looks down at the palm of his hand, tracing the lines on it with his thumb.

"That's not for me to hear, kid," Toji says, setting a hand on his head.

"But, i'm scared to tell her. What if she's mad at me?" He turns his head to look at his dad, eyes darting between matching green eyes and the scar that mars his lips.

"Nah, she loves you too much to ever get mad at you. How 'bout I go see what she's doing, and you draw something to give to her? When you're ready to give her your drawing, you can come out, yeah?"

"Okay." Megumi nods. "I'll go out there when i'm ready."

"Alright. See you in a bit. Love you."

"Love you, too, dad," he responds, a slight tint of red on his cheeks.

Toji leaves him to it, leaving the door slightly ajar when he exits the room. He immediately directs himself towards you. You didn't hide or hole up in the room, instead you went to the couch. Toji sits next to you, watching you scroll through your phone.

"Hey, you good?" He asks, watching your face as you turn your screen off and shift your attention to him.

You sigh. "Yeah, it's fine. It's not like he lied."

"Don't say that. You know he's wrong." He puts a hand on your knee, squeezing comfortingly. "He's still a brat that doesn't know the weight of his words. Thinks he can just fire out things like that and move on like it's nothing. As long as i'm here, he won't get away with saying ridiculous things like that to you."

"Yeah," you say, still sounding disheartened.

"I talked to him about it. The kid was just pissed that you called him out for the mess he made. He just wanted to be right, with zero logical thoughts in that head."

You nod, not wanting to say anything more about it. Everything Toji said was correct, but you still felt like you were tossed aside, in that moment. Like you were a puzzle piece that didn't fit into their family.

"Don't be bummed about it, baby. You know he loves you, and remember, he has called you 'mom' before."

That brings a smile to your face. You remember how shy he got after realizing what he said. The word slipped out so naturally. You treated him like you normally do, but on the inside you were all giddy and proud to be considered a maternal figure by him.

"There you go. There's that pretty smile," Toji says, grinning as he pulls you close.

"Stop," you say, blushing when he starts peppering your face with kisses. You giggle when he starts chasing your lips, eventually giving you the warm, comforting kisses he wanted to give you.

You push his face away when you hear the door to Megumi's room creak, followed by Megumi himself. He takes slow steps out of the hallway and when he sees you and Toji staring at him, he gets nervous. All the attention is on him so he diverts his gaze and looks down at the floor until he's standing in front of you two. His face is red and his hands are behind his back. Toji knows what he's hiding and he smiles.

"What's up, Megs?" You ask, when he just stands there, silently.

He shifts on his feet, looking at you and then at his dad, before looking at you once more. His arms come forward and his hands shakily extend a folded piece of paper towards you.

"For me?" You ask, enthusiastically, to which he nods before looking down at his feet, again. You unfold the paper and take in the whole page of bright colors. Toji looks at it over your shoulder, a soft smile resting on his face when he sees the genuine effort that was put into the page. The first thing you notice is the big 'I'm sorry' written in his jagged and uneven handwriting, followed by a heart that you can tell he redrew multiple times based on the faded outlines behind it. There's a drawing of two simplistic dogs and what looks like the flowers you put on the dinner table. There are three stick figures that resemble you, Toji, and Megumi. You smile when you see that he didn't miss Toji's scar. He used the top corner of the page to draw the sun and there are different colored stars all over the place.

"Aw, I love it! Can I keep it forever?" You ask, smiling when you look at his adorable blush-y expression.

"Yeah, I made it for you," he mumbles, shiny eyes looking back at you.

You fold the paper, carefully, making sure to follow along the crease he already made, and set it down beside you.

"Can I have a hug?" You ask, reaching your arms out. He nods and makes his way over to you, his small arms coming up short as they wrap around you. Your embrace envelops him entirely. He's nonexistent in your hold because of how small he is. You squeeze him a little tighter, causing him to giggle at the gesture. "Love you soooo much, Megs." Before you release him, you give him a small peck on the cheek. "How about some pancakes for breakfast?"

"Can you make them in the shapes of dogs, again?" He asks, tapping his foot, excitedly.

"Of course, I can," you respond, and he gets even more excited.

"Dad! D-Dad! Dad! She's gonna make dog shaped pancakes, dad!"

"Yeah, I heard," Toji responds, a dumb grin on his face. "You should help her out, today."

"Okay," Megumi says, before sprinting to the kitchen.

"I should go help him before he gets the kitchen messy, too," you say, rising from the couch when the boy quickly vanishes.

"Hey, come here," Toji says, pulling you back by your wrist. You're pulled down for some quick kisses, a continuation of the session that was interrupted earlier.

"Love you, doll," he says, his eyes flitting between your starry ones and that smile that makes him weak.

"Love you." He doesn't let go of your hand until the link breaks, once you're out of his reach.

[ihrthoney]

you know me

pairings: arkham knight!jason todd x f!reader

warnings: fluff! some mentions of what happened to him in the asylum

word count: 1.9k

an: i hope you guys like it 😅 part 1

Jason had told you he would disappear for a few days, he said he would explain when he came back and until then to quit your job and not leave your house. Before leaving, he gave you a device and told you he would beep it three times to signal you that he was outside of your apartment. 

The night he held you was the only time he had let you so close to him. When you parted to wash your face, he made it clear he wanted to keep a distance between you two. Whenever you walked towards him he would take a step backwards, it stung but you can understand why, the mark on his face was a sign that whatever happened to him was bad. 

The last thing he told you before returning to the shadows was to start packing. Your mind told you he wasn’t the same and that you should be asking questions instead of blindly following him. Yet, the only thing you’ve ever wanted for the past few years was him. Nothing was going to stop you from following him, not even him. 

-

Meanwhile, Jason was at a loss on what to do. Seeing you brought back fond and awful memories. His memory was tainted with the bad things that have happened to him, his childhood, the in-between and the after. But you, you were like a firefly in the quiet meadow, a temporary relief before the world burned around him.

He had been questioning what he should do with you, where his feelings for you still lie. As of right now, he just wants to keep you safe. There’s a battle in his mind, he can’t decide whether he’s happy that you stayed and waited for him or if he should call you foolish for not getting out of Gotham, for putting yourself in danger. The former thought is winning, his heart thumps at the thought of still being remembered as Jason and not the failed robin.

Memories of your time together flash in his mind as he makes his way back to your place; he recognizes the apartment, it’s the one you two planned to move into. You were the one thing he wouldn’t let anyone touch, not then and definitely not now. He can’t ever be the person you so wholly loved but he wants to be someone you can learn to love. 

There are a lot of risks with that, you’d be a constant target, he’d have to either go with you anytime you went in public or simply have whatever you wanted delivered by someone else. The life you had before will be no more, he’s selfish but he hopes you don’t mind.

-

It’s about 3am in the morning when you hear the device beep, you respond back with the code he gave you then go to your window to open it for him (you have a feeling he could open it just fine.)

The night he was in your apartment, he was in all black clothes, now he’s in front of you covered head to toe in thick armor. The suit makes your window seem so fragile, the living room looks much smaller too. 

He clicks his helmet off and gently sets it on the floor, “Are you ready to go?” You can’t tell whether it’s a question or a statement but by the way he’s looking at you, you’re going to guess he’s telling you. 

“Am I allowed to ask where?” He follows you as you check the place for any belongings you may have missed, his heavy footsteps follow you, even in the armor he’s quiet. “A safehouse. Somewhere outside of the city.” After making your rounds, sad you two couldn’t occupy the space, you turn to face him, “Will you be there too?”

The question catches him off-guard, unused to being thought of. Despite the hardness to his eyes, how tense his posture is, the way he speaks to you was like before, gentle and soft. Under all the pain, he was a sweet boy.

To you, he will always be your sweet boy.

“Of course.”

-

Given the time, you fell asleep in the car, waking up in your bed but a different room. It takes a bit to remember the events that have happened. Moving the blankets off of you, you make your way around the safehouse. The layout is similar to your old apartment, it’s comforting but makes you question how he was able to find a place with the same format. 

A click of a door makes you turn and you see Jason in the clothes you saw him in the night he visited you, “I got you some food, we should talk.” 

He places down multiple containers with different food’s inside and a large cup of coffee from your favorite cafe. He remembered. Jason makes his way to sit across from you, a breakfast serving only for one so you ask to which he replies that he already ate. 

Still, like before, you offer him a plate of a little bit of everything in case he’s hungry again or lying about his eating habits. You’re careful to not treat him like nothing happened but not as a stranger either, it’s a strange middle you’re still trying to understand.

“We’ll talk after you eat.” He doesn’t touch the food you offered him but you hope the thought reaches him all the same. There’s a part of you that hopes your boyfriend is still there considering that you were tucked in bed in a new change of clothes, but he keeps you more than an arm’s length away. 

It should be uncomfortable, the way he watches you eat, the man before you is bigger, face sharper, still handsome. His eyes never left you even as you moved to put any leftovers away. Grabbing him a glass of water, you sat in front of him once again. 

“What would you like to know first?” As quick as the movement was, you saw the way his gaze flickered to the side then back up, “Anything you’re comfortable with telling me.”

The ache in his chest comes back, you were his sweetness, you still are and it hurts him to be near you. You were all he dreamed about, amongst other things, when he was trapped in that wing. Words can't explain how relieved he was that the Joker could not touch you or taint your image, you were so dear to him. 

“I followed.. him.. to Arkham’s Asylum, specifically an abandoned wing.” His beautiful eyes no longer looked into your own, instead focusing on the way your fingers fidget, “For almost two years I was tortured.. tied to a chair, hung up by the arms.. I know you saw the scar. There are things I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say out loud… I just wanted him to kill me.”

There’s a pause before he continues, “For months I waited for Batman, I refused to believe he forgot about me, that he replaced me but when I saw that picture.” Silence envelopes the room, it’s thick and he doesn’t say anything for a while, you also knew better than to say anything about how bad Batman’s grief actually was.

Your hand moves to hold his, to comfort him in any way but you’re afraid to push him into silence, but your hesitation is for naught as he grabs your hand and interlinks your fingers together, quietly he says, “I dreamt of you.” The words make you move your gaze from your intertwined hands to his eyes. 

“I missed you so much, yn.” His voice cracks and he looks away, Jason tries to pull his hand from yours but you squeeze them tighter together, “I thought about you every single day, Jace. Not a second went by when I wasn’t thinking of you.”

He squeezes his eyes shut, “I’m not the same person.” Quickly you replied, standing up from the chair and moving to his side of the table, “I don’t expect you to be, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.” It seems to be the wrong answer as he stands from the chair and creates space between you two, arms crossing against his chest, “It should! I can’t- We can’t be together, there’s no point!”

It’s a lie, he’s lying, he can’t accept that you love him like it’s easy, like his whole existence isn’t filthy. This was bad, he shouldn't have seen you, “I’m not sorry that I love you, I never will be. I don’t care that you’ve changed, you are still the most important person to me! I will do anything for you.” Your voice is soft but stern, you need him to hear you. 

As much as you want to, you don’t approach him, you’re just happy he opened up to you at all. There’s obviously more than happened to him, more than just physical abuse. You have to be smart and careful not to treat him like he’s fragile because your Jason is anything but. He’s the strongest person you know and you’re here to help him feel loved and supported. 

Blue eyes analyze your body language, watching your chest move, the way your fingers slightly shake, “Why.. Why do you still love me?” His knees give out and he falls to the floor, you’re quick to move towards him in case he falls completely, so you opt to sit just a couple steps away. 

“How can I not love you? Even if you hadn’t come back I would have still loved you. You are my lifeline Jason.” You’ve never been a liar, not once had he ever doubted you, even now, as different as he looks you still followed his every word. Not once did you care to think he would have poisoned your food or this safehouse itself could have been a trap; Yet you followed him anyway. Why?

“You can’t possibly look at me and still love it.” Jason can barely stand to look at his own reflection, it’s starting to frustrate him that you supposedly see past the scars and accept him. It can’t be that easy, it shouldn’t be.

He doesn’t realize he said the last thing out loud, “Loving you is the easiest thing in the world, Jaybee.” A scoff falls from his lips at the nickname, and if you didn’t know him any better you would’ve missed the teeny tiny smile that appeared on his lips. 

“Whatever is running through that head of yours, I’m going to need you to tell me, okay? Maybe not now, or tomorrow or even the day after that but I’m always going to be here for you in any way that I can. I have all the time in the world with you around, I promised you then and I promise you now, I will always be right by your side.” 

The ache in his chest is back, he feels his heart beating so fast, without thinking much he reaches towards you and holds you to his chest like the night he first saw you again. Only this time he cradled your body so close to his own, you were sideways which meant you got to hear the pounding of his heart. His hands weaved through your hair and if you felt his tears drip onto your hair you ignored it. 

You can learn to love him just as you did before. 

© ihrthoney. reblogs & feedback are greatly appreciated𑁤

taglist for those who commented :) @fanficwritersworld @jasonsbaby @princessesgarden @anime-potato-san @ravensandmysterae

[tractorbeamofwoe]

A slightly late birthday fic for Bondy

A/N: I swear down this fic is cursed like...I started writing it before his birthday, just making up the idea of a surprise party. What happens? They throw him a surprise party. So I guess this is loosely based on true events? Also as I was writing the speech Bondy literally posted and I went to check it then I came back and it didn’t save so I had to re write it (that’s why it’s kinda shit sorry 😅). This mayyyy be my last fic for a hot minute because I start all my courses n band rehearsals and stuff again next week but I shall try my best to write in my spare time for you all ❤️

Word Count: 1605

***

"Okay, cover your eyes and keep them closed." you grinned, leading Johnny into the car and closing the door behind him. It was his birthday, and the year before he'd promised to let you surprise him next time. So August 22nd rolled around again and here you were.

"I don't know if I trust you to drive me." He smirked from the passenger seat. You rolled your eyes and started the engine, just narrowly missing the fence as you pulled out of the driveway. You didn't want to admit it, but he was right when he joked about your poor driving abilities. Nothing was going to stop you from getting you where you needed to be today though, so you carried on, albeit at a slow pace.

The plan was that you'd booked out Johnny's favourite restaurant for the afternoon and evening, and you'd pulled some strings to have his previously busy band mates in attendance as well as his mates from back home. You remembered how he'd been in a strop over the fact that Lou had bought tickets to an ice hockey game but hadn't invited him along. Little did he know though, that there wasn't a game to go to at all and it was all part of your surprise.

Any time he tried to make plans throughout the week, you had to occupy him with something else. Suspicion was high, though he wasn't quite sure what he was suspicious of, he just knew that you'd never watched so many films together in the whole of your three year relationship.

You managed to park outside the restaurant without any problems and with a few minutes to spare. Johnny kept his promise and his eyes remained tightly shut until you tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey, you're not falling asleep on me are you?" You giggled, watching as he blinked and adjusted to the light.

"You booked us a table? No way!" His face lit up with genuine joy as he saw the familiar grey walls and he took one of your hands in his, placing a kiss to the back. Just as he was doing so, you noticed a mop of brown hair walking in your direction. Your eyes widened as you caught Van's and gestured for him to move before Bond saw him. He noticed the way you were staring though, and you had to think fast if you were gonna save this surprise.

"Oh, I think you've got something on your cheek let me get it." You said, licking your thumb and swiping at his face to try and remove an imaginary smudge. "Got it." You finished, once Van was safely out of sight inside the building. Another glance at the digital clock told you that everyone should be seated and waiting.

As you walked together across the car park to the main entrance, you noticed a pair of eyes peeking around the curtains and watching you both from the window, followed by another, and another. Benji, Van and Larry were pressed up against the window and standing in plain sight.

"John, look at the flowers! I've been wanting to get some like those for the garden..." you started, steering Bondy off the pavement and over to a line of potted plants on display just outside the front doors. Thankfully, the distraction worked and while his back was turned you shooed the lads away from the glass.

It was quiet inside, aside from a few murmurs which you knew were coming from your table. Another thing you hadn't mentioned to Johnny was that you'd have it all to yourselves. The waiter took your names and encouraged you to order drinks while you waited for your table to be ready. Everything was going smoothly and you let out a quiet sigh of relief when you sat down at the bar.

"Hey, I got you something else," You whispered, pulling out an envelope from your handbag and placing it on the counter. He opened it carefully, so as not to rip the card inside, eyeing you suspiciously as if it was going to blow up in his face or something. He slid the card out and inspected it, chuckling at the drunken picture of himself on the front that you'd taken on a night out around when you'd first started dating.

You hadn't written anything in the card, you'd already said everything to him that morning, just a cheesy 'I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 32' right across the middle. Two slips of paper fell into Johnny's lap and at first he thought it might've been money, but upon closer inspection they were tickets.

"I know you were pretty bummed out about not going to that ice hockey game. Lou didn't have tickets, I did. And it's not today, it's next week." You grinned, steadying yourself on the bar stool as he pulled you into one of his tight hugs.

"Y/N, darlin' you didn't have to!" He mumbled into your neck before placing a big sloppy kiss on your cheek which left you blushing awkwardly. You both quickly downed the rest of your drinks and the nervous butterflies got worse as it soon approached the time for the big reveal.

"One last thing..." You smirked, placing your hands on Johnny's shoulders to spin him around. Tucked away right at the back of the restaurant was a large table of all your friends, who were cheering and clapping and raising their glasses.

"Fuck..." He gasped under his breath, you'd never seen him speechless before and you mentally high fived yourself for managing to pull off this crazy little plan of yours.

"Come here, mate it's good to see ya!" Van beckoned his friend over, flinging his arm around Johnny's shoulders. You took your seat in between Larry and Van, helping yourself to the bottle of champagne that was already half empty.

"Who's already downed the champagne?" You grumbled, laughing when Van looked at you guiltily and raised his hand from Bondy's shoulder "Thought you weren't a big champagne drinker?"

"What can I say, it's good stuff!" He shrugged, making his way back over to you. It wasn't long before food was served, Larry rubbing his hands together hungrily as he stared down the plate of pizza in front of him. You and Van had opted for a classic roast, the rest of the table either tucking into a steak or stealing a slice of Larry's pizza. Johnny was sat opposite you, wedged in between Benji and Lou who were throwing gravy soaked peas at each other, while Ed was making some sort of nasty cocktail with said peas, champagne, mince sauce and pizza crust.

"Sorry about the mess" Bob apologised, leaning over Larry to pass you a napkin.

"Wouldn't have it any other way." You grinned, wiping a drink spillage out of your dress. You noticed Van staring for a moment, about to ask him what he was doing when he plucked a pea right out of your hair. Despite the chaos, this was the most carefree you'd seen your boyfriend in months, and though not all of his friends were in attendance (they were playing a gig back home) he couldn't have asked for a better present.

As the afternoon turned to evening and everyone was getting tipsier, you'd completely forgotten about the cake you'd bought for dessert. You lied and said you were going to the bathroom, when in reality you were sneaking away to light the candles.

When you returned, you began to sing the first line of happy birthday, the rest of the lads joining in. "Happy birthday to John- bon- nondyyyy..." they slurred, all out of time and tune. "Happy birthday toooo yooouuuUUUUUUUU WHEYYYYYY" they roared, chucking drink on themselves and patting their friend on the back.

All of the cake was consumed, even the crumbs which Van was dared to snort by Larry. Once your cleverly crafted "John's favourite songs" playlist started to play, everyone was up on tables having the time of their lives. There was even an opportunity for some karaoke, which was dreadful to say the least, but at least yours and Van's half arsed cover of Let's Groove went down a hit with the restaurant staff.

Benji tried to follow it up with a rendition of Toxic by Britney Spears which was interrupted halfway through by Larry screeching the lyrics of Wonderwall, making for an odd but hilarious mashup. Once it was over and you'd all tired out a bit, Bondy tapped on his glass to get your attention and make one of his infamous speeches.

"Thank you to everyone for coming...err all my mates and that," He started, waving his hands around and making all sorts of gestures as he spoke "thank you to Y/N, you're like my best friend apart from my dog I had when I was 7 and Van and Larry and you guys are all awesome too. This is actually like...one of the best birthdays I've had and I'm not lying I'm so gone right now. Thank you for the tickets I shall display them on my fridge machine for safe keeping. Feliz navidad or whatever."

Everyone cheered and clapped, drumming their fists on the table in agreement. None of it really made any sense, and you were sure you wouldn't remember any of it in the morning, but it was a banger of a party that had been immortalised in blurry photographs and videos that you were sure would come back to haunt you eventually.

You couldn't wait to do it all again next year...