#ig i took the 'sleep is for the weak' thing very seriously

[dokidokidemons]

Most beloved guys, gals, gremlins, and gentlefolk of the tumblr demon smooching fandom, help me.

You remember when Barb lamb of sleep'd satan to stop him rampaging? Perhaps in the vampire event.... i dunno. I just remember my wife performing go to sleep spell.

can you please manifest that upon me? it's been 36 hours and I'm no longer capable of finding the insomnia funny.

[sincerecinnamon]

Before I go to sleep, here’s what I have to say.

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead, murdered by my brother-in-law Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, Hank came to me with a rather, shocking proposition. He asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world. Connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded, I... I always thought that Hank was a very moral man and I was... thrown, confused, but I was also particularly vulnerable at the time, something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me on a ride along, and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin so I agreed. Every day, I think back at that moment with regret. I quickly realized that I was in way over my head, and Hank had a partner, a man named Gustavo Fring, a businessman. Hank essentially sold me into servitude to this man, and when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling out. From what I can gather, Hank was always pushing for a greater share of the business, to which Fring flatly refused to give him, and things escalated. Fring was able to arrange, uh I guess I guess you call it a "hit" on my brother-in-law, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured, and I wound up paying his medical bills which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge, working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring, and did so. In fact, the bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen in the ranks to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA, and about that time, to keep me in line, he took my children from me. For 3 months he kept them. My wife, who up until that point, had no idea of my criminal activities, was horrified to learn what I had done, why Hank had taken our children. We were scared. I was in Hell, I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, to end this nightmare, and in response, he gave me this. I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. I... All I could think to do was to make this video in hope that the world will finally see this man, for what he really is.

Goodnight.

Expect another ask from me at around 7:20 AM EST. It’s going to be the Walter White confession.

Oh my goodness.

Goodnight ig 😭

[ithoughtthiswastwitterbutfr]

Wanda vision thoughts of episode 6 spoliers ofc

It’s startttttinggg I’m so excited I’ve heard good things.

I love the new into im trying to think of what show it’s related too it’s defiantly familiar.

The way it’s filmed like a show with the talks to the camera is making be very happy.

I LOVE WANDAS SCARLETT WITCH COSTUME. Visions too

“I don’t remember it like that,”

“Probably because you suppressed a lot of the trauma,” Now they’re saying it like it is.

“Mom and Dad have been not fighting just different?” Vision is still on edge as he should be honestly

AWW TOMMY IS A MINI QUICKSLIVER THATS SO CUTE.

Ugh now the sword agents are here with the plane and nasty Hayward.

Hayward is trying to pin the whole thing on Wanda again.

“We can’t outgun her and clearly antagonizing isn’t only making things worse,”

He brought up Monica’s mother then quicked the trio off the mission ig.

They took out the sword agents escorting them.

It’s back to the trick or treating and Peter/Pietro said “Raise hell demon spawn,” I may be reading too deep into this but that made me kind of suspicious.

“Do you remember we were in the orphanage after mom and dad died what was the name of that kid who was always trying to steal your boots. He had the... He had the skin thing?” Wanda to Peter/Pietro

“You’re testing me,” Peter/Pietro

“No I’m not,” Wanda

“Hey it’s cool. I know I look different,”

“Why do you... look different?”

Wanda knows this Pietro is different and doesn’t have the same knowledge as the other one which is why she was testing them she just doesn’t know where this version of him came from she’s still clueless to (the multiverse) that world.

This has to be like Uncle Jesse a bit he keeps calling himself Uncle P

“Say it again now all the candy has dissapeared?” Herb then cuts to all the kids looking down cause their candy is gone.

“And now all the jack-o-lanterns have been smashed?” Product of Quicksilver and the twins they’re using powers very openly this episode.

She just found out Vision wasn’t on duty

“Is there something I can do for you Wanda? Do you want something changed?” Herb

She seems caught off by the question I’m assuming that’s her subconscious trying to make up for the fact that vision lied to her and she wants to fix it.

Now she’s confused again.

He sees this woman who is glitching and crying she is trying to put a ghost decoration up over and over again. The she pain she is in is seeping through and I guess the control over her isn’t allowing her to do anything else but struggle to put up the decorations.

“I’m so hungry I’d eat anything,” Commercial snacked on Yo-Magic the kid is too weak to open it and they died. Yo-magic the snack for survivors. Still trying to figure out this commercial

“I got shot like a chump on the street for no reason and the next thing I know I heard you calling me. I knew you needed me,” Pietro/Peter very suspicious it’s a different multiverse Pietro but he definitely has bad intentions. He also brought up “isn’t that what you wanted?” Hinting to Wanda calling the shots.

Tommy had super speed now great now he’s running everywhere after Wanda told him to take it slow because she can’t control him.

“Do go past Ellis Lane,” I’m assuming that’s where that’s where hex cuts off.

The people near the edge are barely moving because they’re out of Wanda magic reach I think.

Also where’d Wanda get all those kids from there were none before.

Monica and the Jimmy and Darcy trio found out Hayward is tracking vision so now they can find out how sus be really is.

Vision is flying up to see everything and he here’s Halloween phrases and he sees a parked car

Should be Agnes from the trailer.

“ Town square scare. Where is it?” Agnes

“Oh, well the Town square I expect,” Vision

Agnes let out a creepy laugh.

“Took a wrong turn got lost,” there are tears in her eyes.

“In the town you grew up in?”

Vision pulls her out of the control.

“You... you’re one of the avengers youre vision are you here to help us?”

“I am Visuon. I do want to help. What’s an Avenger?” I guess Wanda does have some control over him if she was able to make him forget about everything before hand or maybe because he doesn’t have the mind stone he doesn’t have the memories but Shuri said without the mind stone there were so much vision still there. I’m gonna assume it’s Wanda

“What why don’t you remember?” Agnes “Am I dead?”

“No why would you think that?”

“Cause you are?”

“I am what?”

“Dead,” She confines to shout that she is dead.

She has brought up how no one leaves Wanda won’t even let them think about it. Her witch laugh is definitely a sign on Agatha she’s even wearing a witch costume and Peter Wanda and Vision all have their comic costumes on. 

AHHH THATS WHY THEY CANT GO PAST ELLIS LANE BECAUSE THATS WHERE EVERYONE STOPS MOVING. They can’t move and it’s almost like they’re dead. There stuck in a cloud of Wanda grief.

I think Monica‘s powers are coming in because Darcy is talking about how her Energy in her cells on A molecular level is being rewritten and it’s unsafe too go back in the hex. In the comics Monica can turn herself into any form of energy I believe she can turn herself into pure energy.

“It’s changing you,” Darcy to Monica

Monica wants to stop Wanda’s grief.

Darcy is trying to breakthrough the into what Hayward is hiding which is the fact they’re trying to weaponize Vision.

“Where were you hiding all these kids up until now?” Pietro/Peter.

"What?” Wanda

“ I assumd they were all sleeping peacefully in their beds no need to traumatize beyond the occasional Holiday episode cameo, am I right?”

“No I dont-”

“You were always the empathic twin. hey don’t get me wrong you’ve handled the ethical considerations of this scenario as best as you could, families and couples stay together, most personalities aren’t far off from what’s underneath, people got better jobs, better haircuts for sure”

“You don’t think it’s wrong?” Wanda

“What, are you kidding? I am impressed seriously it’s a pretty big leap from giving people nightmares and shooting red wiggly-woos out of your hands” Like in age of ultron reaching into the Avengers biggest fears. On the other hand the phrase wiggly-woos is very cute.

He’s telling her how he can’t talk to her. And she said she doesn’t know how she did it she only remembers feeling completely alone and empty. So she was grieving and depressed. She just saw the gunshot wound and the white eyes on Pietro like she did to Vision with his head crushed earlier on. She’s losing touch to this made up world and is now getting glimpses of reality.

Darcy is almost at my into Hayward’s stuff.

Idk if these names are important but they’re in Hayward’s email so I’m gonna write them down.

James D. Gadd,

James J. Alexander 

James X-ND Seckler.

James woo wasn’t listed in his contact either. He’s either been blocked or was never there.

Vision is at the edge of the hex HES breaking through now. He’s halfway out. Now he’s all the way out. The hex is pulling him back in and now he’s falling apart because he’s exciting.

THE BILLY CAN HEAR VISION SCREAMING

Hayward doesn’t want to help Vision so he’s handcuffing Darcy too a car.

Y’all really made Vision die again.

“It’s not like your dead husband can die twice,” Peter/Pietro she flung him backwards at that.

He can also see the soldiers and could hear Hayward. The hex is expanding outward to reach Vision and it swallowed Darcy and many other soldiers turning them into Circus performers and clowns. All the cars and shops it swallows turn into things to fit the aesthetic of her town.

I’m not sure if the hex is still moving outwards she opened her eyes so I think that was a signal that it stopped when her eyes went back from red to normal. Guess I gotta wait till next week.



[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #443

“it’s not a life sentence, but a death dream for you”

When was the last time you were in the hospital? Me personally, uhhh sometime in 2017? Why were you there? I had a cyst removal surgery. Do you like Cheez-Its or Cheese Nips better? Cheez-Its. Have you worn headphones at all today? Yeah, I pretty much always do because YouTube is always open and on a video. When was the last time you had blood drawn? A few months ago or something? I'll be getting some drawn shortly though for genetic testing; due to my mom having some dysfunctional cancer prevention gene, all her children are getting tests to see if we inherited it. The last time you got blood drawn, what was the reason? I want to say I was tested for anemia most recently. What color eyes does/did your father have? Brown. What do you daydream most about? Things I wish I didn't daydream about. What is your relation to the last child you spoke to? They're my niece and nephew. Do you believe the Holocaust happened? No fucking shit? Do you prefer zebra stripes, tiger stripes, or leopard spots? Tiger stripes, ig. When did you last see a dog? At my nephew's b-day party a couple weeks ago. Nicole brought her dog Zeke over. Have you ever been in the mountains when the moon and stars were up? No, but omg I wish!!!!!!!!!! Do you know anyone from Canada? Yep. Has a cat ever licked you? Yeah. Roman especially loves to give kisses. Where would you most like to go in your state, etc. that you haven’t been? The Wizard of Oz park, probs. Are you scared to look at your own organs on x-ray or ultrasound? No, that shit's rad. o: Have you ever walked on a frozen lake/river? No, that sketches me out. I'd be afraid of the ice breaking and me falling in. Have you ever seen a volcano? No. Have you ever met an Alaskan? Met in-person, no. But I do have an online friend who's from Alaska. Or may still live there? Idk. Have you ever mowed the lawn (even a little bit)? No. Have any unpleasant public transit stories to tell? Nah. Do you know any German words? Seeing as I took four semesters of the language in high school, I know a good deal. However, my skill has definitely atrophied with time and lack of application. Do you have a passport? No. Are your teeth straight? I mean, mostly. I had braces for too long, but I didn't wear my retainer, so they've moved back some. Would you mind dating someone significantly shorter than you? Yeah, sure. I've never understood why height is an issue for some people. Can you quote the movie Mean Girls? No. I personally never got the craze. Have you ever swam in the Atlantic Ocean? I have. The Pacific? No. Can you make yourself cry? No. Have you ever held a starfish? Not a live one. What would you do if you found out your ex was pregnant/fathered a child? Faint or vomit. Wail. All three. Are you very close to your siblings? No. :/ Can you do CPR? No. Favorite sport to watch in the summer Olympics? I don't care. Ever flushed a fish? Yes. Ever been paid for sex or a sexual favor? No. I wouldn't agree to that. Last friend you talked to online? Sara. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? No. What is the best ice cream flavor? Vanilla. You have so many topping options. What’s your favorite thing to do outside? Photograph nature, especially wild animals. What would you spend $1,000 on? A big, really pro tattoo. What was the best (non-romantic) night you’ve had? Hm. I don't know. Who did you last lay in a bed/couch/recliner with? Mom and I sat together on the couch some time ago. Do you keep a planner? No. What are you craving right now? I've got a seriously random craving for shell pasta with a nice, meaty tomato sauce. Do you want kids anytime soon? DEFINITELY not soon, but also never. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? No. Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? Yeah. What’s the best feeling in the world? Knowing you're in love and really feeling it. What’s something you really want right now, be honest. There's a lot of things. Who in your family do you act like the most? I don't know, really. Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? My mom, 100%. Do you believe that your first true love can be your only love in life? Of course not. Have you ever kissed under water? Yes. Is there that one guy that you’ll always have feelings for no matter what? Suuuure is. Wish it wasn't like that, but I don't see it ever changing, to be real... Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? 100%? No, I can't say I am entirely. Have your parents ever caught you kissing a guy? "Caught me?" How old is this question meant for? Yes, they've seen me kiss a guy before. If you mean like, seriously kiss-kissing, no. Which one of your exes hates you the most? Probably Jason. Are you named after anyone? No. Well, my middle name has been passed down, but "Brittany" wasn't from anybody else in specific. What reminds you the most of your last relationship? The song "The Only Exception" by Paramore. Have you ever rejected someone but they still wouldn’t give up on you? In elementary school, yes. When growing up, did your family always eat at the dinner table together? Usually, yes, at least when growing up. Sometimes we'd use little tables to eat in the living room though while watching TV. What is the greatest source of happiness in your life? My mom, best friend, and pets. What was the last charity/cause you donated to? I'm unsure, actually. Who was the last person you got a handwritten letter from? Sara! :') Did your parents read bedtime stories to you when you were little? Mom did. Have any of your worst fears ever come true? Yes. The greatest fear I've ever had was losing Jason, and that happened. Is anyone in your family divorced? My parents, for one. My older half-sister has also be divorced because her ex is an absolute piece of manipulative horse shit. Has anyone in your family gotten pregnant as a teenager? I think my mom? No, maybe not... Idk. I ain't doing the math. What’s your greatest talent? If you want a serious answer and not something self-depracating, I suppose writing. Would you ever want to get a master’s degree? It'd be cool, but I've never *actually* wanted to pursue that. Have you ever worn revealing clothing in order to get attention? No. Have you ever been falsely accused of being racist? I've never been accused of being racist, because I'm not. To you, is sex just about physical pleasure, or do you see it as an expression of love and commitment? Absolutely the latter. I could never engage in sex without deep emotional commitment. How many times have you been drunk in the past 6 months? Zero. What’s your favorite French food? I have no idea. What’s the most elaborate recipe you know how to cook? Nothing. Which rooms of your house have doors that lead outside? The living room and kitchen. Best purchase you ever made? My snake. :') Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? I haven't seen him a long time, but boy did I have a thing for James Hetfield in high school. There are defs others, but no one else immediately comes to mind. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? No, because I've never tried to. How many Facebooks have you had? Just the one I still use. Have you ever been punched in the face? No. When was the last time you talked to the first person you kissed? The beginning of February, 2017. What is the latest you have ever slept in? Past 5. Do you have to watch yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth? No. Do you text when you drive? Fuck no. You couldn't pay me to. What movie do you really want to see that’s out? I don't even know what movies are out right now. Did America really put a man on the moon? Eventually, yes. Call me crazy, but I do believe the supposed first one was faked, though, to "beat" Russia in the space race. Do some research and it's pretty shocking. Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you? Idc. Do you turn your phone off at night when you go to sleep? No, but I turn the brightness down for if I wake up in the middle of the night and want to check the time. Have you slept in a bed with the last person you kissed? Yeah. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you didn’t say it back? Yes. Has anyone ever played a prank on you? What happened? I don't believe so. Do you like tattoos and piercings? Helllll yes. :') What are you really into? Animals, art, some weird Korean guy on the Internet... Do your parents like your best friends? Yes. Have you ever taken a nap with a member of the opposite sex? Yeah. Do you have weak upper body strength? Yes. What color was the last cup you drank from? It's just clear glass. How old is your oldest sibling? I actually don't know her exact age. 30-something. What was the last thing you ate that had nuts in it? A Nature Valley cashew bar I had earlier today. How many pieces did the last puzzle you completed have? I have no idea. Who did you last shake hands with? uhhhhhhhh Has anybody asked you out on a date recently? Nah. When was the last time somebody asked you to be their girlfriend? When Girt asked me out a few years ago. Name something you’re picky about: Food. Who did you last ask for help? My mom. Do you like corn? Yeah. If you were offered to smoke some weed right now, would you accept? Right now I honestly probably would, believe it or not. Honestly, who is the last person to tell you that they love you? My mum. Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? Yeah. How do you earn money? The only occasions where I ever and very rarely earn money is if someone (non-family, of course) pays me to take pictures for them. Where were you raised? All you need to know is a crappy town in eastern NC. Are your ears gauged? No, but I want the first holes in my earlobes to be, but only with very small gauges. I just can't figure out how to do it myself, at least with the gauges I have. I think I'm missing something. Explain what triggered your last kiss? We were saying goodbye. Could you go a month without talking to your best friend? I mean I could, but it'd seriously fucking suck. Have you ever made out in a park? No, because I don't do that in public. What are you listening to? "Paint You With My Love" by Marilyn Manson. I wasn't big on the album when it came out, but this is one of the songs that's aight to me. Last thing you said out loud? I gave Venus a little wave and said "hey babe" or something like that like I do sometimes when she's slithering around and looks out towards me. Are you sad? Always at least a little bit. I have been kinda down this evening. Where is your dad? I would hope at home. He's probably watching TV, or maybe in bed.

[davidsonhq]

You say that you're no good for me 'Cause I'm always tugging at your sleeve And I swear I hate you when you leave I like it anyway.

Date: 29th July, 2021. 

Location: Pete’s apartment, Staten Island.

Notes: After three years, Ariana and Pete finally get some closure in a very Ariana and Pete fashion.

@trulyari

Pete: Nothing about this whole meet-up sounded like a good idea to Pete. In fact, he could hardly hear himself think over all the alarm bells going off in his head, though they were always drowned out by the incessant need to have and own Ariana's attention, in any way, shape, or form. You would've thought that spending so long apart would've done wonders for his self control, yet it took barely more than five texts from his ex to fall right back into the same swing of things that came so naturally to him from before. He liked to think his reliance on her boiled completely down to his BPD, though if that were true, then why wasn't he pulling the same stunts to get replies from Carly, Cazzie, Kate, Margaret or even Kaia? It was like he craved the reckless, impulsive passion that had always engulfed them both and would take it whether it was positive or negative - which, as things stood, they currently were. Call it blind optimism or just knowing their dynamic too damn well, but he had a feeling it was the same reasoning that had brought her to him this evening, a personalized Imperial March doorbell - how fitting - sounding throughout the apartment, signalling her arrival. She'd never seen his new place on the waterfront, never even hung out since their very public breakup, so it seemed kind of trippy opening the new door to a very familiar sight, even three years later. "Yeah, no girl scout cookies, thanks". He spoke abruptly, re-closing the door immediately after opening it and very seriously considering just not opening it again until his body betrayed him by pulling back on the handle. "You actually came. I was right. Dope".

Ariana: This was such a bad excuse. Ariana knew it, Pete had to have known it, and if anyone had the chance to see their texts, they would know it as well. No one goes out of their way to visit someone just to keep the insults going in person. This was a chance to be near the other that things hadn't ended so well with, especially when it wasn't exactly their fault that it went this way. Ariana would never admit to it, but it's obvious. Sure, she tried to be friends with her exes before, sometimes hanging out with Ricky, but maybe the way she had such strong feelings for Pete kept her from seeing him again. At risk of being upset over it again, she kept distance but now it's as of she craved his company. Even if he got under her skin and made her eyes roll on the daily now. Ariana's mind did it's best not to think of anything other than her annoyances as she walked up to Pete's door, but suddenly it's as if they melted when she saw him again. "You-" Her eyes immediately narrowed as the door was shut in her face after the comment, her arms crossing as she waited for him to open it again. "I fucking hate you." The words mumbled out of her mouth. "Surprised you didn't lie about the address."

Pete: If he were being completely honest with himself, Pete wasn’t sure that he’d ever see Ariana again. Her face plastered all over the streets of New York and her voice finding its way onto his radio, sure, but in person? He had promised himself he’d never let that happen again. He knew all it’d take for her to dominate his thoughts again was one moment in person, which currently had him hating himself for being so weak-willed. Three years of resistance, boiling down to nothing. “I know you do” he responded, an all knowing smile on his face. And he really meant it. He felt all that frustration that she must’ve felt too for even making her way there. “Feeling’s mutual”. And yet, he opened the door wider, inviting her in with a side step. “Fuck. A’ight, now you’ve got me hating myself. I should’ve thought of that sooner. Could’ve had you wandering around Staten Island then enjoyed watching the Netflix documentary about your disappearance by the end of the month”. And she really thought he wouldn’t keep up this hateful facade to her face. Now came the awkward part. Normally, he’d greet his visitors with a hug or a fist bump, but what exactly was the right thing to do in this situation? “So, you uh…want a beer? A  joint? A gag?”

Ariana: What a stupid smile. Ariana hated Pete's smile. More so, she hated the way it made her want to smile. Seeing stupid videos pop up on her IG or Twitter of the comedian being funny, fuck him. It wasn't right that she couldn't just ignore all of it. Luckily enough for now, she was able to ignore it in order to not smile back at him. "You wish you could hate me." With her arms dropping from her chest, Ariana made her way past him, making sure not to bump her shoulders into him as she stepped by. "So nice that you know Netflix would make another documentary about me." A shitty grin spread across her face before her eyes were narrowing. "Normally I'd accept but I don't know what I would catch from your gags."

Pete: The way Ariana breezed past him into his home was reminiscent of times beforehand, though the vibe between them was obviously vastly different. Usually she would’ve bounded straight into his arms and this reception would’ve felt more familiar if they had actually had a slow breakdown of their relationship rather than having it come to a screeching halt. The whole thing had been turned on it’s head, and having her here now under such different circumstances was definitely a shock to the system. Sticking to what he knew best, Pete continued to rally with her, the pair exchanging dig after dig. “It actually hasn’t been used in I’d say…about three years? Not everyone moans like they’re used to projecting their voice across an entire stadium”. He turned on his heel back to her, holding up his palms as if in surrender. “And I’m not shitting on you with that, I actually miss hearing it”. Throwing out bold comments like that and acting like he hadn’t was sort of his specialty, and today was no different as he followed it up with pointing towards the human-sized-alien-toy that sat proudly on the couch, as always. “You remember my boy, Kev?”

Ariana: Memories of whenever Ariana would walk into the same room as Pete years ago flooded her mind, causing her to remember how she would hold onto him as if he were the only thing keeping her grounded. She still remembered the last time they were like that, the scent of him surrounding her like his tattoo littered arms would when holding her body close. The fact that she was thinking of this alone made her want to hate him even more. With her mouth opening to return an insult, it quickly closed again when Pete mentioned what he had missed. Now she was stuck thinking about how loud he was capable of making her when they were together like that. "I'm sure your neighbors were more than thrilled with us splitting up, finally got some fuckin' sleep." The fact alone that the toy had moved from a corner to sitting on a couch like a genuine part of the household caused Ariana to smile in it's direction but she immediately wiped it away to hide emotion. "I remember his perverted watching. Still bring him along whenever you fuck? It'd explain you not having a girl staying here."

Pete: Feeling somewhat accomplished that he’d managed to cause her to think back to at least some of the memories that had plagued his mind since being back in her presence, Pete smiled smugly as he rounded the couch and patted Kevin on the head, wishing he could’ve seen their long nights through his eyes at least once. “Fuckin’ damn right I do, he’s my G. The girls may change, but Kev stays the same. And anyway, who says I don’t have one staying here tonight?”  Raising his eyebrows, Pete looked over in Ariana’s direction, unsure of just where his confidence always managed to come from considering in reality he considered himself extremely insecure.  Luckily, he’d just gotten good at faking it. “Last time I checked, you identified as a female, and if I were you I’d advise against getting the ferry back to the city late at night, there’s weirder people than me that come out of Staten Island”. Digging around in the pockets of his basketball shorts for a pre-rolled joint, Pete stuck it between his lips, talking without moving them too much to prevent it falling. She hadn’t exactly answered his question about whether or not she wanted to partake, but since when would that ever stop him? Ironically, he needed smoke in his lungs just as much as he needed oxygen in them. “You mind? I kinda need it. I can feel my blood pressure doubling just from having you in the same room as me”. Without so much as waiting for a response, as if he were actually grumpy that she’d decided to come and was eager to already get away, Pete slid open the doors that led to the balcony - New York City, the place they’d met, lighting the horizon, just over the water. Raising the lighter to his mouth and sparking his joint, Pete took a long drag before glancing back inside to see where his visitor was at, despite him not being overly inviting.“You coming or what?”

Ariana: There was a softness that spread over Ariana whenever she could see Pete's smile, knowing that it's all he had to do in her direction to cause the feeling of melting to occur. It was terrible. Disgusting. She loved it. "I come over here to see you be an asshole to my face and you're thinking I should stay the night?" Her eyebrow raised in his direction before her sight dropped back down on Kev. A certain night of stopping mid sex to call the Alien out popped up in her head, her mental smile forcing it's way out physically down at the fake creature. "You're a fuckin' mess. Do you want the Netflix doc or what?" Against her own judgement, one of her whispy laughs left her throat just like the way she would laugh around him years before. "Have at it. Just don't ask me to marry you while high again." With that, Ariana followed the other out onto the balcony, her hands gripping onto the edge for a moment to collect herself. The scent of weed lingering around as she admired the city transported her back to a special type of memory, often the kind that lead to her and Pete rushing off to the bedroom. "I'm not gonna let you live down for missing my voice now that you've said it, by the way."

Pete: “We both know one of the worst possible things to come out of tonight would be you staying over, so by encouraging it, can’t you just pretend it’s my entire intention to be an asshole?” In reality, it really was just because he wanted to keep her safe, but he’d be damned if he let her believe that. Leaning back against the railing, Pete opted to face inwards, towards the sight that he never thought he’d see in person again rather than out at the waterfront which he witnessed every day. “Why? You afraid you’ll say yes again?” He teased, knowing just how impulsive they both could be. I mean, fuck, he wasn’t sure that they’d been talking even a day before Pete had thrown out the whole “I’d marry you tomorrow” comment that caused a rapid spiral of them falling for eachother way faster than the average couple would. Taking a drag, the comedian narrowed his eyes through a cloud of smoke, “is that something I said? I don’t recall. I hear your voice every fuckin’ day on some radio station or some other shit. I’m pretty sure I said I missed hearing you the way not many other people get to. Or…maybe even anyone else, ever. Depends how good you’re getting it. I mean, there has to be a reason the guy you started seeing after me looked like a literal clone, right? Trying to replicate anything there?"

Ariana: The way Pete's logic sounded as ass backwards as their dynamic now was gave Ariana more signals that the other was full of shit, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't enjoy it. "Sounds like you're being an asshole to yourself more than to me. I know how difficult it must be to have my presence around without wanting to jump my bones." She teased before the feeling of his eyes on her began to make her uneasy. It'd been so long since they had this type of proximity but she felt her body betray her as it welcomed the sensation. "That's right, it's entirely impossible to deny such an offer." Her eyes rolled before they were back to making contact with Pete's, her head tilted back so she could actually see them. "First of all.. I bet you don't change the station when I come on either, but still.. you missing the way I sound in bed is what I meant anyway." A sigh left her lips as she turned away to face the city again as if she could ignore how nice it was when Pete looked at her. "Well.. he might have looked like you, but he certainly couldn't hold up in the same way.. don't let that get to your head, though. I don't need to fuel any ego."

Pete: He couldn't deny that this /was/ some form of self-torture, and he pursed his lips together, nodding in agreement. "No. No, you're right in some respect...this definitely was some whack idea that could be considered self destructive. Luckily for you, that's right on brand for me, so you get one free night of my company before I come to my senses. What /I'm/ more interested in, is knowing what's in it for you? Why did you actually come?". He could sense his gaze, that hadn't shifted from Ariana once, was making her feel uneasy, and he had to admit that he enjoyed still having some sort of power over the way he could make her feel. "Or maybe that's just it. Here I am thinking you low-key miss me but are too stubborn to admit it, but maybe you just miss a part of me. And shit, if that's the case, I'm not offended. You won't see me crying about it. Consider my ego already inflated". Letting another smile creep back onto his features as he continued to wind her up, Pete relaxed back against the railing and cocked his head. "I'm right, aren't I? You don't need to say it. Blink once for yes and not at all for no".29 June 2021

Ariana: There was no denying the fact that Ariana might be just as equally as destructive as Pete could be. This wasn't the first time she found herself sharing time with someone she used to be with, Bill being able to contest to that fact. That was a whole other story of its own, but this felt even more. She wasn't ever engaged to Bill. "A part of me genuinely thought you couldn't be an asshole to my face. Which I'm right. Sure, you're an ass, but you're not a dick to me." The other part too it was too hard for Ariana to admit to, especially cause it was ultimately her own life that made it impossible for their relationship to work out. That alone made it feel like Ariana shouldn't miss him. "Oh my god.. you know, you're far more confident about yourself than you think," Ariana paused as she turned her body back towards him so they could look at one another yet again. "Really suggesting that I came over here because I missed your dick." A scoff left her lips that wasn't nearly as serious as she had meant for it. Just for that, though, Ariana continued to stare at Pete, doing her best not to blink for as long as possible until it was impossible. "I get no benefit from agreeing with you, so I refuse it.. but so what that he looked like you. Just accept that I have a /type/."

Pete: “Oh, I’m not doing a good job? I can kick it up a notch, if you want-“ Pete offered, sticking with the facade that anyone would want to come round just to be annoyed by someone. Personally, he thought he was being pretty intolerable, but he supposed that spoke volumes about how much Ariana was willing to put up with just to be in his company. If only she had held the same perseverance during the breakdown of what they had. She had to have known he wasn’t actually this confident and it was all just an act, sort of like the one where he moved on with an almost 50 year old woman and engaged in heavy make out sessions in highly papped areas. To him, the acts were all pretty obvious, but as long as they worked. Waving a hand in front of her stoney stare, Pete chuckled to himself as he amused himself with trying to make her blink until he caught one and pointed at it with an “a-ha!”. “Sure, I get that. We all have our types. Just a little suspicious how yours changed after a certain someone, but I mean, that’s enough calling you out for now. I know you already know it, deep down. You don’t need to say it out loud”.7 July 2021

Ariana: With her own confidence standing at high levels, Ariana took the possibly regretful move to stand closer to Pete, her head tilting back as she gave a harsh stare eye to eye. "Really pay attention to me being this close to you and give it your best shot to be as much of an asshole as you can be. Just give me all the reason to walk out of this place now and possibly get kidnapped off the streets." At this point, it was just embarrassing how obvious it was that Ariana secretly craved to be in Pete's presence. No matter what she said and how hard she tried to act like she couldn't stand him - though sometimes it was true but only to a certain extent - she never really gave herself the closure of ending things with Pete more properly. Only an abrupt break up like theirs could leave a part of her missing him like this. "Not all of us can go off the rails and date women from all ends of the spectrum, Pete. Can't tell if you're into moms or the barely legal at this point. Think I'm out on top with this battle."

Pete: Without Ariana even needing to instruct him to pay attention, all of Pete's senses suddenly went into overdrive, they hadn't been this close since that one day where she flew to New York after finding out he'd been struggling, but even so, this was under completely different circumstances, and as much as he tried to fight off all the overwhelming feelings that consumed him when she was near, he couldn't, and he fucking hated that. He fucking hated her for still having such a hold on him. "I literally wish I never met you". He spoke abruptly, knowing the same words from her mouth would've probably crushed him, but voicing them anyway. Well, she'd asked him to be an asshole, hadn't she? And he still wasn't quite sure if that was because she lowkey got off on it, or if it was because she was looking for a reason to walk away and never look back. Either way, he'd give it to her, and there was no time like the present, not now they were finally back face-to-face with one another. "You knew how much I loved you," he pointed the joint-sandwiched-fingers in her direction. "You knew how easy it was for me to get completely caught up in that whole fairytale without a fucking care in the world. I fucked over...so many people-" starting with Cazzie, his girlfriend that he dropped at the first sign of Ariana showing interest, despite that relationship already being on it's last legs. Her father, Larry David, the comedian, who had always been like a mentor to him who now probably couldn't be in the same room without his stomach turning. Not to mention all the people who seemingly hated him straight off the bat for the whirlwind nature of how they got together, without them actually knowing a fucking thing about how much the pair actually cared for each other. Even his mom, his therapist, his SNL co-stars and his neighbors cat reprimanded him for getting into such a public, full-on relationship. But the truth was - neither of them could help it. When you loved someone that much, all you want to do is shout it from the rooftops, which is exactly what they did. Just...more of a 21st century version. "And don't get me wrong. I'm not blaming you for shit. I know neither of us could've known how it was going to end, and it was the most awful fuckin' thing we could've had to go through - so for /both/ of our sake, I wish you never would've waltzed into the writers room that day. Or at least, I wish you would've left it at that. Why try and get in contact with me years later as if I hadn't already been trying to get you out of my head all that time? That's just cruel. I think you're cruel".

Ariana: It was stupid of her to think things weren't going to be in this direction. After the pain she put him through, the pain she suffered herself, there was no way it'd just be a snappy back and forth with annoyance. It was clear things lead straight to a place of hurting, opening old wounds that she helplessly hoped would have healed. Her own couldn't even heal, why should his? Hearing his words practically spit at her face caused that same old ache to return to her heart, the feeling as if she was shrinking in front of him consuming her entirely. This wasn't him being an asshole, this was him being honest and that hurt more than any terrible joke he could make at her expense. "Pete.." Her voice broke, something it practically never did due to how strong she kept it, but this pain was something else. It's like she could feel Pete's pain just from how heavy it was on him. With shaky hands, Ariana began to lift them to press to his cheeks but they hesitated, knowing they had no right to touch. "I know what I am.. I am cruel," with eyes shiny from watering up, Ariana's throat grew tighter as she tried finding the words to say, "I know I am, 'cause if I wouldn't, I would be doing everything I could to make you forget about me. I just can't forget about you. I can't forget about how in love I was with you. How hard it hit so fast.." Ariana looked down for a brief moment to let her tears fall when it became too much to hold back, wiping them away quickly before looking at him again. "I don't have a reason that could justify doing this to you again, Pete. It's selfish, that's all it is. I've been cruel, I've been selfish, and I've been missing you and the way it was to be near you. Being in the same room as you again gives me more of a high than anything you have in this place. I should have helped it and stayed away, but I.. I just couldn't. I'm sorry, Pete. I'm so fucking sorry for all of it. For this. For your sake, I wish you never had to meet me either."

Pete: It took only moments after his rant for Pete to regret every single word of it - the front that he’d spent so long putting up in order to seem completely fine without her in his life had massive gaping holes in it now, and it only took a matter of a few seconds. But mainly, he hated seeing her cry. He’d seen far too much of it in the last few weeks than he’d ever wanted to, and this time it’d been him that caused them. “Fuck…” he let out, dropping the joint that had long gone out to the ground as he ran his hands over his face in exasperation. “No. No, that wasn’t fair of me, I didn’t mean it-“ he backtracked, though she had to have known deep down he kind of did. “Well, fuck it, I did. But I’m just as selfish as you. We /both/ knew nothing good could come from this, and we both wanted it anyway. I’d be completely embarrassed by it if I didn’t think we were in the exact same position right now..” he admitted, gaze practically burning a hole into her as he dipped his head to her level, adrenaline coursing through his veins the closer he got. “I just fucking miss you, and I’d take anything at this point…”. He spoke lowly, giving into every urge in his entire body right now by letting his lips catch her bottom one as he enunciated each word with a slow, tentative lingering kiss, each one feeling like an ex junkie taking another hit after years of abstaining. “I miss you so…” there was one hit. “Fucking” and another. “Much”.

Ariana: Ariana wouldn't have allowed Pete to take back what he had said. Of course she wouldn't hold it against him because she knew it to be true, but she certainly didn't want Pete to feel like he had to take it back for her own sake. She deserved to hear it and she was glad when Pete confirmed that he meant to say it. They needed to say this to each other, clearly pushing it back was the worst thing they could do. With the singer's head tilted back so she could look up at him in the eyes, any tears left pooled to the outer corners of her eyes and slowly streamed down while she tried to collect her mind and thoughts together. "I didn't want the way things ended to be the last time I was near you.. it still feels too open, too raw..-" her voice slowly cut off as she noticed exactly how Pete was now looking at her, his words causing her heart to beat faster, the pounding practically settling in her throat until the tension finally broke and she felt his lips on her own. Unlike before, her hands came up without any hesitation to hold onto his jaw while kissing him back, the small space between them now becoming as little as possible. "Pete," Ariana muttered against her ex-fiance's lips before becoming caught up in each kiss over and over. "I don't want," her hands slipped to hold the back of his neck to keep him there, "just don't want to miss you anymore."

Pete: Even as he pulled partially away from each kiss, Petes eyes remained shut, afraid to meet her own and face the reality that he’d fucked up by taking the plunge and misjudging the situation, but with each new time their lips met, it struck him over and over again that she was /actually/ kissing him back. Once again, his impulsive thoughts were not just his own, yet he still couldn’t help apologising for them. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, hands going into the back of her hair as they both held onto eachother like something that could easily be pried away. “I just can’t…be around you and not…” want to kiss her, obviously. But he wasn’t about to even get started on the encyclopaedia of other things he’d do to her right now if she just said the word. Shaking his head in frustration, their foreheads balancing against one another’s, he tried to consider a time where they could be in eachothers lives without him wanting to be hers, but it seemed impossible at this moment in time, when there was so much built up tension from over the years just ready to burst. “I cant bare it”.

Ariana: Maybe these feelings that consumed every inch of her body while kissing Pete were a reminder that they never had closure like this. For a relationship that ended as quickly as it had began, Ariana didn't end things the way she would have truly wanted. The way that would have kept the both of them from hurting so much, but everything felt impossible back then. Now that she was kissing and feeling him again and being held by his hands, everything that she had missed with him, maybe it wouldn't have to be as painful the next day. "Then don't, Pete.." She instinctively went back in for another kiss despite trying to talk to him, her arms dropping down to hold onto his slim torso, hands pressed to his back to keep him from pulling off. "Don't stop yourself from doing what you want.. I'm here.. I want it." With their foreheads together, Ariana took the moment to bask in the air they were currently sharing as they breathed. "I want what you want."

Pete: With the verbal confirmation that he needed coming from Ariana, Pete smiled the first genuine smile that he’d actually cracked in her presence in a matter of years, an exhale of disbelief passing through his lips before he rapidly pressed them back to hers, scooping her petite frame off the floor and spinning them so she was propped up against the balcony railing. The whole thing would’ve felt pretty precarious yet there was no way Ariana’s body would’ve gone anywhere with how tightly he clung onto it, his hands winding her legs around his slim frame as if he’d happily be crushed between her thighs like the victim of a boa constrictor. And besides, nothing could’ve been more dangerous than getting involved with her again, but he’d risk it all in that moment. “God I’ve never been so grateful for your stubborn ass for bringing you round here-“ he added breathlessly, apparently neither of them knowing whether they wanted to make up for lost time through kissing or voicing the thoughts that were racing through his mind at a million miles a minute.

Ariana: No feeling could ever compare to the one that consumed Ariana the very second she saw the one person smile because of her that she feared she'd never make smile again. Especially when his smile had always been one of her favorites. With her arms and legs quickly wrapping around his body as if nothing else could ever make her feel as steady, Ariana let a soft gasp leave her lips at how quick he was to handle her like that. And there it was. The kind of comment that would make Ariana laugh, primarily shown through videos uploaded to Instagram. The airy giggle that he would do easily pull out of her now leaving her lips again. "So convinced this couldn't be a good idea, but had to do it anyway." With her arms letting go, but legs remaining tight around him, Ariana brought her hands up to comb through his hair and make a grip in order to pull him in more determinedly, putting pure energy into their kiss as if they'd only see another day on this earth as long as they kept their lips together like this. "Needed to do it.. now I just.. I need you."

[sorchawrites-blog]

Hey Sugar

FANDOM: Supernatural PAIRING: Meg 2.0 x Reader WORD COUNT: 1672 SUMMARY: “Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.” You whipped around as a strong hand squeezed your backside, mouth already open to tear them a new one and stopped short at their grin. Meg’s head was cocked to one side, her hand still firmly planted on your ass. AN: This was my first writing challenge and I’m actually really proud of how this turned out. It’s for @sparklingcas‘s Valentine’s Day Pick-Up Line challenge and I had so much fun writing this! There’s a light mention of smut but it’s all pretty 14A and a healthy dose of angst. 

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“Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.” 

You whipped around as a strong hand squeezed your backside, mouth already open to tear them a new one and stopped short at their grin. Meg’s head was cocked to one side, her hand still firmly planted on your ass. 

“Meg.” Your voice was much too happy for your liking and you immediately forced a smile away. Last time you’d seen her, she had whisked away your only lead without so much as a thank you. Just left you standing in the chilly warehouse with a wink and empty chains. Definitely not your idea of a great night. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have a demon to rescue or a hunter to screw over?” 

Meg sneered halfheartedly before giving your ass one last squeeze. Bringing her arms up, she shook them in a gesture of peace. “Can’t a girl go out for a drink without an agenda?” 

Rolling your eyes, you followed her to the bar and leaned against the dark wood. “Sure, but you aren’t any normal girl, now are you?” Your eyes hardened and watched as she ordered her whisky. 

“Look sugar, relax. I come in peace. And with an offering.” One sharp snap later and your drink was replaced with the head of the witch you were previously hunting. 

“Jesus Christ Meg!” Shoving the head underneath the bar, you shrugged off your sweater and covered it the best you could. Now it looked like you were carrying a soccer ball - so much less suspicious. “You can’t just do that. What if someone saw?” Gesturing wildly, her eyes followed your erratic movement, one eyebrow cocked in amusement. Anyone near the bar was far too absorbed by the drinks in front of them to notice your agitation - everyone else was either playing pool or playing hard to get. 

You could feel your face flush as she brought her gaze round to yours once again. “I think we’re safe Oakley. You can put down your gun.” The familiar snark should have put you more on edge; instead you felt yourself begin to relax incrementally.

It had been a couple of months since you’d been able to just let go and hang out with Meg and you had missed the freedom more than you realised. Not that you were going to tell her that. Especially not with that smug look in her eyes.

Balancing the witch’s head in your lap, you gestured for another drink and watched as Meg threw back her first finger of whiskey, her fingers immediately tapping the empty glass in a clear request for more. 

 “So,” you started, your voice abandoning you before you could even get the question out. So where have you been? Are you avoiding me? Did last time - did any of our previous times mean anything? And if it didn’t, why am I suddenly holding this head? 

I missed you. 

And there they were, the words you’ve desperately trying to hold back for months, trying to forget that you even knew them. This wasn’t that kind of relationship. Hell, it wasn’t even a relationship. Lifting your glass, you drained the dark liquid in one swig, the sudden burn cutting through your thoughts. 

Meg was unusually quiet, taking a smaller sip of her refilled drink instead of making a smartass quip. 

“Where did you find her?” you finally asked, glancing down at your lap. 

Meg hesitated - clearly this wasn’t the question she had expected - and turned to face you head on. “Little Green here was sequestered away in an old mausoleum a few states over. Looked like she was planning on raising herself a nice little army of forgotten soldiers - not a half bad plan when you think about it.” 

“You know, if you hadn’t taken away my only lead I could have figured that out too,” you muttered, pouting behind your empty glass. 

That drew a dark chuckle from Meg. “Sure Annie, whatever you say.” 

Her dismissive attitude triggered some sort of switch and suddenly it was all too much. The noise, the people, the way you couldn’t look away any time you locked gazes. The way she treated you like a child. The way your heart sped up whenever she tilted her head and smirked. You needed some air. 

Tossing a few bills onto the counter, you grabbed your severed, sweater covered head and practically ran outside. If she could disappear at will then so could you. Your legs didn’t stop until you were outside your motel door - the chipped, off green colour of the wooden door assaulting your senses. 

Swiping the card key, you tossed the head somewhere into the darkness, your gun suddenly in hand when an affronted “ouch” rang out. 

Reaching out for the light switch, you groaned as the yellow light flickered on to reveal Meg laying on your neatly made bed. “Seriously Meg, what the hell? Don’t you have someone else to torture?” 

Clicking the safety back on, you re-holstered your gun and closed the door behind you. She shrugged and tossed the offending head into the air where it disappeared to God knows where. In that moment, you didn’t care. “Oh, but you’re just so much fun.” 

Shifting on your bed, she sat up on the edge and looked away, a mild look of disgust on her face. “Besides, you seemed off Oakley. And I just couldn’t bear the thought of my favourite cowgirl all mopey and shit.” Despite her mocking tone, you could have sworn that there was a thread of genuine worry underlying her words. 

You stood there for a few seconds, swaying between tears and anger, until you were sure it wouldn’t be the former. And then suddenly, it wasn’t the latter either. “You left. You promised that it wasn’t a dream and then you were gone. And then you show up three months later to steal my prey?” 

Her dark, cool eyes searched your face, her brows furrowing in a very unfamiliar way. “I was unexpectedly called away. And when the Devil calls...well, it’s not exactly something you say no to.” 

A lump appeared in your throat and you gave her a quick nod. “Of course.” Walking over to the small bathroom, you calmly closed the door and began running the shower taps. It was only when steam began to fill the small room that you braced yourself against the sink and let the tears fall. 

You couldn’t believe how stupid you were, to continue to believe promises whispered in the dark. And yet even now, you couldn’t forget the brush of her fingertips against your bare skin nor the way she gasped as you took of her breasts into your mouth. Or the way she melted into your arms once you were both satiated, her chest heaving and brow shiny with sweat. 

And as moonlight spilled through the blinds and across your entwined bodies, she had placed a gentle kiss against your heart and promised to stay with her cowgirl forever. You had fallen asleep after that, falling into sweet dreams that had you smiling in your sleep. You should have known they were just words. They couldn’t mean anything to a demon like her. 

Strong arms encircled your waist, drawing you from your thoughts with a jerk of surprise. “Meg?” you stuttered, voice shaky from the grief wracking your body and you attempt to turn in her embrace. “What - are you okay? Is something wrong?” 

She shushes you and leans her head against your shoulder, stopping your movement. “Look, I’m really not good with this mushy shit so just - shut up and let me say something. I shouldn’t have stayed away after that morning. I should have - no,” she corrected. “I wanted to come back. But with the sudden influx of the walking dead and then some of the more putrid meatsuits gaining life, human interactions outside of deals and killings had become frowned upon and I’ve been busy.” 

The hunter in you tucked away that particular piece of information to examine later. Now wasn’t the time to reinforce the lines. Reaching up to wipe at your damp cheeks, you turned in her embrace and ignored her weak attempt to keep you facing away from her. 

Looking into her eyes, you saw that they were hardened with resolve and fear and something that could almost resemble love. Almost. And then she began to retreat behind her all too familiar walls and you did the only thing you could think of, the one thing you’ve been wanting to do these past lonely months. 

Before she could take back any of her words, you moved her against the wall and pressed your lips together. She didn’t fight back and instead leaned into the kiss, one hand pulling you closer by your neck while the other worked to undo your braid, tossing the iron spike somewhere onto the counter. It sounded like something shattered but you were too distracted to care. 

Twining one hand within her hair, you pulled down sharply and grinned as her eyes went completely black, a deep moan escaping her throat. 

“Bed. Now.” 

She obliged with a quick snap and suddenly the two of you were falling against the surprisingly soft bed. Before you regain your sense of direction, she was pressing open mouthed kisses down your throat, pausing to suckle at your pulse point. Your mouth opened and a low keening noise came out instead of words, you hips bucking up against Meg’s thigh. 

She pulled away, your body chasing the movement before your mind caught up. Clothes disappeared and then you couldn’t move, her demonic influence pressing down against you to stop your movements. 

Leaning over, Meg kissed you hard before moving down your torso, eyes never leaving yours. When she reached her target, she grinned and you were suddenly struck with the realisation that she was right. When the Devil called, you didn’t say no. 

“Happy Valentine’s day Y/N.”

[deansleather]

In Love With You

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Prompt: Can’t Help Falling in Love- Haley Reinhart for @wildfirewinchester ‘s Birthday Challenge!

Summary: After being saved on a rogue demon hunt, you feel a sense of comfort residing with Sam at the bunker. As your feelings start to strengthen, you can’t help but wonder; can something real be built off all your lies?

If you’d like to join any of my tag lists please message/ ask or add yourself to my google doc tag list! Whatever is easiest for you!

Word Count: 2888

Warnings: fluff and angst, tragic past and dark thoughts of reader (inferred thoughts by actions, could be triggering for some), despite all that still v lovey

A/N: I’ve missed my Sammy! This fic definitely has some angst, but I do feel it’s quite romantic all the same. I hope you enjoy! And, of course, FEEDBACK IS SOOO VERY NEEDED AND APPRECIATED! EVEN JUST A LIKE MEANS THE WORLD!

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“No one ever fell in love gracefully.” ― Connie Brockway, The Bridal Season 

           With labored breath, Sam finally managed to spit out the exorcism chant. The demon had picked one hell of a vessel, seeing as both the highly skilled Winchesters were exhausted by the end of their fight. Halfway through, they were tempted to just kill the damn demon, vessel or no vessel, and call it a day. Sam was quickly thankful that was not their decision. The black of the demon quickly flowed out, pouring into the ground with a sense of finality. Sam looked to Dean uncertainly when a smirk came over your features, as opposed to the usual look of terror after an exorcism was successfully completed.

           “I figured someday I’d come across the Winchesters,” you teased. “Yet somehow this wasn’t how I’d imagined it.”

           Sam’s head swiveled from you to Dean, completely thrown off. “You’re a hunter?”

           You shrugged. “Part-time. I’m obviously not serious enough to get an anti-possession tattoo.”

           “…But you’re serious enough to be in the midst of a demon brothel take down?” Dean shot back, his arms crossed.

           “More like bored enough, but essentially yes.” Both the brothers just stared at you. “Look, this place is like ten minutes away from my family. I’m just in the hunting world enough to know about the happenings. Trust me, I would have loved to have been able to ignore this. Ignorance is bliss and all. I know you two understand.”

           There was silence for a moment, before Dean let out an impressed laugh, looking to Sam.

           “Well, damn,” Dean snorted, looking you up and down. “Aren’t you something.”

           You smiled, but were quickly distracted by the pang in your stomach. Being possessed was hardly a pleasant thing, but it was definitely memorable. You remembered the demon entering you, the feeling of its damned “soul” bumping into yours, the stress as you watched the Winchesters struggle by the actions of your own hands. Blood soaked through your shirt from your fight with Sam and Dean, the cut deep enough to make you weary, but not enough to keep you down.

           “She’s hurt,” Sam whispered to himself, rushing to you just in time to save you from your own weak knees. Your faces were mere inches apart, and you prayed to whatever higher being there was that you didn’t faint.  

           “Hmm,” you purred, feeling as your eyes drooped. “You must be the pretty one everyone always talks about.”

           Sam laughed, gathering you entirely in his arms with ease. “That’s probably Dean, but I’ll take it.”

           You looked to the shorter brother and back to your current knight, feeling a resounding injustice in that fact. “I don’t know about that.”

           “Ouch,” Dean huffed, trailing behind Sam and you. “If you weren’t obviously delirious, I might be offended.”

           You smiled softly, your vision blackening more and more. “I just have a thing for hair, is all.”

           The words just escaped your lips before your vision went entirely black, your body going limp in Sam’s arms. The last thing you heard was Sam’s panicked tone before going into a deep sleep.

__

           You woke up in a simple bedroom, the blankets tucked around you softly, the open door letting a very dim light in from the hallway. You tried to sit up, but immediately gave up that plan. Your head was swimming, your entire body weak. Fighting monsters wasn’t new to you, but there was something seriously disconcerting about being possessed. The feeling of hopelessness, the complete lack of control, the disgust at what your own body was doing; it was a lot to just brush off. Then your mind wandered to what it usually does when you think of hunting; the Winchesters. They had been possessed and beaten and sent to hell, and were still standing. If they could do it, so could you.

           The thought comforted you, until you remembered that they were the last people you’d seen before blacking out. Confused, you rubbed at your eyes with a slight moan, reaching one arm out in hopes of finding a light. Your hand felt up a night stand, reaching until finally you clicked on the table side lamp. You blinked at the sudden influx of bright, turning your head away to recover. You were hurt more than you had thought. Gentle footsteps sounded down the hall, but you were much too weak to care.

           “Oh,” the voice said, stopping at the door frame. “You’re awake. How’re you feeling?”

           His voice was unbelievably gentle, his expression one of complete concern. You blinked, attempting to clear your vision. He held a tray in his hands, the flannel of his shirt rolled up his arms and his hair wildly pulled back. He was disheveled and worried, yet entirely beautiful. You mustered what you could of a smile.

           “I’m alright. Glad to see you instead of some demon.”

           Sam laughed softly, placing the tray on the stand beside you. “At least I’m a bit better than those.”

           Looking at him strangely, you began to question him, but he cut you off before you could.

           “I brought you some soup. It’s just the canned stuff, but it’s all we had and I didn’t want to leave you here to go get something better.” He shuffled slightly, tugging his hair out of its ponytail nervously. “You’re at our bunker. We have some…connections that, uh, can help heal you.”

           “The angel, I’m guessing?” You raised an eyebrow. He nodded, that lovely smile of his shining at you.

           “Yeah, Castiel.” He sat down at the foot of the bed as you scooted to a sitting position, placing the tray on your lap. Gently and slowly, you placed a spoonful of chicken noodle to your lips. Sam cleared his throat.

“Well, I guess we should properly introduce ourselves. I’m Sam, and that was my brother Dean you saw before. Him and Cas are out looking into the source of the brothel.”

You nodded, taking in another spoonful before responding. “I’m Y/n.”

Sam took out his cellphone, quickly placing it on your tray as well. “I’m sure you’ll want to call your family and let them know you’re okay.”

You looked at it for a moment, a feeling of dread in your gut. “Uh… well they didn’t know I was going to hunt, so it’s probably for the best I don’t make them worry. I don’t live with them anyway, so they won’t notice for a while.” The words left a bitter taste in your mouth, making you push the entire tray away for fear of getting sick. Or, even sicker, that is.

“Alright,” Sam said, that note of worry returning. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

You shook your head, but panicked as he started to leave, tray in hand.

“Wait!” you called out. He stopped without thought, turning back on his heel to face you. “I…Can you stay? Please? I just really can’t be alone right now.”

Sam’s eyebrows crinkled at your words, yet he placed the tray back down returned to his place at the foot of the bed. You shook your head, patting the area beside you.

“C’mon,” you smiled. “If you’re going to be stuck in here with me, you might as well get comfortable.”

He smiled back, again obeying your request.

“Hey Sam,” you murmured as he finally relaxed.

“Yeah Y/n?”

“Thank you so much for helping me. I…I really need it right now.”

He rested his head against the bedframe gently, stretching out his legs beside yours. “No worries. It’s not bad for me to get some rest either.”

           You looked around the room, noticing very little of Sam within it. There was the closet filled with flannel, and the gun resting on top of a dresser, but other than that it could have been any average hotel room. The bed was comfortable, but hardly lived in. You wondered if the Winchesters ever really got to sleep.

           “Is this where you live, or do you just pass through here?” you asked softly, afraid to entirely disturb the peaceful silence.

           “We hardly stay at any place long, but this is the closest thing to a home base besides the Impala,” he responded, his tone hushed, mimicking yours.

           “Don’t you ever feel…lonely?”

           Sam was silent for a moment, nothing but the sounds of breathing filling the room. After a bit, he finally responded, still in that soft tone.

           “Yes and no. I mean, I have Dean and Cas, and they’re family and always will be. But sometimes…I don’t know. I just wonder sometimes if there’s more out there, you know?”

           You nodded, your eyes tearing up slightly. ”Yeah, I get it Sam.”

           “What about you? I mean, by the sounds of it, you seem to have people to go back to.” His question was sincere, he could have no idea how much it stung.

           “I suppose,” you finally muttered, letting your eyes close. “I think I’m gonna nap. Would you just stay till I’m asleep?”

           He nodded, patting your leg gently. “I’ll stay as long as you want me.”

           You opened your eyes long enough just to see him blush at his forward statement, before letting yourself drift off, with a strangely content smile on your face.

__

��          Weeks passed quickly in the bunker, Sam leaving your side only when a hunt called. You healed without incident with Castiel aiding you, though you still felt the resounding discomfort of having a demon once inside you. You bonded with all the boys, began to care for all of them individually, in different ways. You felt for Dean, understood his mindset, wanted him to find some peace someday. You doted over Cas, feeling a strange sense of motherly instincts over the sometimes-naïve angel. Most of all though, you bonded with Sam.

           You learned how he liked his coffee in the morning, watched how he would gently flick each page of the book he was reading, listened to his off-key humming that he thought no one could hear. He was sweet and soft and warm and the closest thing to sunshine you would ever be able to touch. You wanted his safety at all costs, prayed he could find happiness, and most of all…you loved him.

           It felt strange ever thinking it, but it was true. Somehow, within a matter of a few months, he had become your main reason for living. In that way more than anything, you could relate to Dean. Strange as it may be, you had become a part of the backwards family, yet could never fully let yourself belong with them. It felt so wrong to add yourself in with these people who completely opened their arms to you, when you had never offered up any true information about yourself. It was a crime and a sin, yet the thought of leaving was unbearable.

           The same thoughts swam through your mind on repeat, but you brushed them off as you made breakfast. The boys had just gotten home from a four-day hunt, and were particularly exhausted. You decided they deserved a little pampering; besides, if you were going to live there rent free, you might as well help them out.

           You made up Sam’s coffee in his favorite way, copious cream and scant sugar, and began your way towards his room. You finally managed to convince him to take his bedroom back, seeing as you were no longer in need of a comfortable bed to get well in. It took a lot of back and forth and stubborn statements, but finally you were able to get your way.

           You stopped just outside his door as you heard a soft conversation going on. Ever-so-quietly, you peeked in. Sam lied in bed with Dean sitting near his feet, mirroring you and Sam on your first night at the bunker. Sam rubbed his eyes, shaking his head at whatever Dean had just said. You knew you shouldn’t be creeping, yet you couldn’t pull away.

           “Sam, it’s not like you’re forcing her to be here. She’s choosing to stay. Is that not enough of a hint?”

           “I don’t know, Dean,” Sam refuted. “We’re definitely not ‘part-time’ hunters. I don’t want to drag her deeper into this if it’s not what she wants.”

           “That’s what comes with being with us. She’s heard the stories, she knows.” Dean shook his head, sipping the pure black coffee he had gotten himself earlier. “I say you go for it. I gag each time you look at each other, which is a good sign for you.”

           “You think she feels the same?” Sam asked genuinely, his eyes wide and hopeful.

           “Jesus, you’re dense,” Dean muttered. “Obviously, she does.”

           Your stomach was filled with both knots and butterflies. Finally, you could take it no longer, and knocked lightly at the door. Both the boys startled at your sudden presence.

           “I brought you coffee.” You held up the cup, giving a half-hearted smile. “Hey, Dean, you mind giving us a second?”

           “No problem, sweetheart,” Dean consented, grunting as he stood up. “I think I’m going to spend a little time in bed myself.”

           You smiled sympathetically at Dean as he passed you, the hunt taking a larger toll on him than he was willing to admit. Once he was gone, you entered into Sam’s room silently, shutting the door behind you. You placed the coffee on the stand beside him. Gingerly, you spread out next to him.

           “Thank you,” Sam said shyly. You nodded. “Listen, Y/n, I don’t know what you heard but if anything made you even slightly comfortable I’m so sorry-“

           “No, no, no,” you assured, placing your hand over his mouth before he could continue. “It’s just… I need to tell you something Sam.”

           Sam looked at you seriously, his brow furrowing in the typical Sam manner. “What is it, Y/n? Is everything okay?”

           You swallowed. “Do you remember the night we met, when I said I was there to protect my family?”

           Sam nodded.

           “I was lying. It was all a lie. And so was the whole ‘part-time’ hunter thing. I’m more like a wannabe-retired-hunter.” You sighed, rubbing your face roughly, garnering as much strength as you could to continue. “My family died a few years ago in a hunt. It was demons, a whole bunch of them. I don’t know if they just didn’t notice me or what, but I was the only one who lived.”

           “Y/n,” Sam’s voice was thick with emotion. “I’m sorry-“

           “I’ve done everything these past few years to get the same fate as my family did, even burning off my god-forsaken anti-possession tattoo. So, when I went out that night to ‘protect my family’ against those demons, I wasn’t protecting anybody. I didn’t even want to protect myself, at the time. I wanted to leave my house that night and never come back.” You chuckled to yourself. “In a way, I guess I got what I wanted, just not how I planned.”

           The room was heavy with silence as you both digested what you had said. You felt a huge weight off with the secret revealed, yet your stomach was sick with the thought of what may come next.

           “I guess what I’m saying is, there’s no way you could ruin my life Sam. There’s no way you could drag me into the world of hunting, because I’m about as deep into it as one can get. The only thing you can do is make my life better, less lonely, and you have done that more than I will ever be able to express or thank you for.”

           “Y/n,” Sam finally murmured.

           “Yeah Sam?”

           “Can I tell you something?”

           You closed your eyes, bracing for the worst. “Yeah, whatever you need to say.”

           “I’m in love with you.”

           You remained tense for a moment, before the words finally sunk in.

           “What? Sam, I’ve been lying to you for the entirety of our time together. I don’t deserve love, and certainly not from you.”

           “We were strangers, how could I expect you to tell me your whole life story on the first night? Y/n, I don’t care what skeletons are in your closet or what past you’ve had. All I know is I’m falling in love with you, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I can’t help it.”

           You grinned slowly at him, a shocked laugh erupting from your lips as the words finally began to hit home.

           “Oh, Sam,” you whispered, wrapping your legs gently around his waist until you were straddling him. “I love you.”

           With a feeling of joy completely foreign to you, you grabbed Sam’s face in yours and brought your lips together, his warmth sending shivers through your body. You let yourself drown in the moment, forgetting the secrets and the hurt and the past, letting the safety and comfort of Sam’s arms around you and lips on yours be the only thing on your mind. After a few moments, you pulled a way, your breathing slightly efforted.

           “Guess this means we don’t have to fight over the bedroom anymore,” you teased. Sam rolled his eyes, laughing as he pulled you back in for another kiss. For the rest of the night and every night after, his arms never ceased from wrapping around you, his love always there, even in your darkest moments.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Forever Tags:  @jarnesbrnes @spnashley @aprofoundbondwithdean @mrswhozeewhatsis @mysupernaturalfics @waywardlullabies @teamfreewill-imagine  @lucifer-in-leather @sunkissedsam @chaos-and-the-calm67 @purgatoan @stardustsam @secret-stashes @supernatural-jackles @peppermintbisexual @winvhesters @nerdwholikesword @frenchybell @feelmyroarrrr @obsessedwithmisha @thinkwriteexpress @wanderingcas @diestiel @kittenofdoomage @fandommaniacx @trinityjadec @hanny-banannyyy  @nothingtoworryaboat @growningupgeek @d-s-winchester @mysteriouslyme81 @jensen-jarpad @deathtonormalcy56 @jpadjackles @mogaruke @satans666thdaughter @bobbysingerismybaby @keepcalmandcarryondean

Sam Tags:    @captain-princess-rose @ophcelia @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

Michelle’s Sam Tags: @mrswhozeewhatsis @vintagevalentinexx @theficlibrarium @blushingsamgirl @bowtiesandapplepie @itsemmyb @ezauraemmaline @matteson-crazed @castielspahdehrah @beriala @charliesbackbitches @crzcorgi @ellen-reincarnated1967 @gryffindorable713 @gryffindorable713 @deerlululucy @walkingencyclopediaoffandom @mrsjohnsmith @manawhaat @growleytria @thegleegeneration @samtomydeanwinchester @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki @i-never-said-a-pilot @thewinchestielboys @supermoonpanda  @sis-tafics @amaranthinecastiel @fandommaniacx @meganwinchester1999 @kittenofdoomage @samanddeanwinchester67 @prettyxwickedxthings @ferferelli @lilyoflothlorien @myfand0msandm0re @olitzisbae @iridianuniverse @the-morning-star-falls  @shortandlongstories @strange-inhumanity-blog @ackleslaugh @noisilyyoungpuppy @fangirling-instead-of-working @hellbentcrowley @eyes-of-a-disney-princess @roxy-davenport @chrisatplay @kayteonline @spnsimpleman @faith-in-dean @kreborn17 @mamaimpala @for-the-love-of-dean @winchesterfiesta @zanthiasplace @sleep-silent-angel @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @gadreelsforbiddenfruit @trenchcoats-and-bees @curliesallovertheplace @jencharlan @not-so-natural-spn @skybinx-blog @thebunkerismyhome @feelmyroarrrr @winchesters-princess @beachy2014 @fandom-book-nerd @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @tia58 @sunriserose1023 @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @jotink78 @everyday-supernatural-af @notnaturalanahi @howmanytuesdaysdidyouhave @supernatural-jackles @babypieandwhiskey @mysaintsasinner @chelsea-winchester @spn-fan-girl-173 @wheresthekillswitch @shelovesallthethings @iamreadinginsecret @revwinchester @klaineaholic @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @supernaturalismalife @pinknerdpanda @inmysparetime0 @hexparker 

Pond’s Sam Tags:  @manawhaat @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @blushingsamgirl @notnaturalanahi @bkwrm523 @whispersandwhiskerburn  @impala-dreamer @deathtonormalcy56 @samsgoddess @wildfirewinchester @frenchybell @scorpiongirl1 @for-the-love-of-dean @mysupernaturalfics @spn-fan-girl-173 @deandoesthingstome @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @fiveleaf @deansleather @curliesallovertheplace @whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname @waywardjoy @mrswhozeewhatsis @captain-princess-rose @imadeangirl-butimsamcurious @kayteonline @supernatural-jackles @idreamofhazel @wevegotworktodo @ilovedean-spn2 @babypieandwhiskey @wi-deangirl77 @deantbh @supermoonpanda @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @chaos-and-the-calm67 @memariana91 @teamfreewill-imagine @chelsea-winchester @fandommaniacx @revwinchester @ageekchiclife @your-average-distracted-waffle @drarina1737 @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell @castieltrash1 @supernaturalyobessed @mysaintsasinner @ohwritever @ruined-by-destiel @winchester-writes @deals-with-demons @maraisabellegrey @faith-in-dean @winchestersmolder @bohowitchysoul @clueless-gold @melbelle45 @winchester-family-business @writingbeautifulmen

[thefemalehustler]

#MANAGEMENTMONDAY INTERVIEW: BROOKE HOLLADAY (NO MERCY GLOBAL FOUNDER)

Hey Brooke! Thanks for agreeing to be apart of ‘The Female Hustler’, I can’t wait to hear your story so far!

You are originally from St Louis, what was it like growing up there and is that where your journey in the music industry began?

Yes I'm from STL! Growing up in St Louis for me was a pretty diverse life! I grew up in the Nation of Islam which was a strict lifestyle but yet with my granny raising me in the hood I was able to get around some of her strict rules, I was a little fast, one minute I'm in tap and Jazz class the next I'm selling drugs in the hood at my God sister’s house.  I was very cultured but a little hustler at a young age! My grandfather was a famous Jazz musician so I was introduced to music early and my mother was a radio personality! So I had music and the industry all around me.

You are now based in Atlanta, when did you move there and what made you decide to make that move?

Yes I'm based in ATL! I moved to Atlanta in 2009 with Debra Antney whose Waka Flocka’s mother for the first month! She said that she could manage the group June 5th I was in from ST Louis! We was looking for an opportunity for the group and Deb had just blown Nicki Minaj & Gucci Mane up so I gave her a call and we drove down for the meeting then the next week we was living with her and signed.

Was it difficult adjusting to living / building a career in Atlanta compared to St Louis?

It was very difficult living in Atlanta compared to STL because we was royalty in STL and we all had our own nice houses there, but the living arrangements were very different in ATL so it was the ultimate sacrifice! Adjusting to the night life was easy because we fitted right in, we were fly, we attracted the same dope people we would back home! We ran around with the top promoters in Atlanta but it was a struggle making money, that was the only issue because we was really dedicated to our music so we couldn't get a job.

What made you decide to get into the music industry and what was your first role within it?

Lil Kim’s music is when I fell in love with Hip Hop and I wanted a piece of it so I started rapping and I took my word play and delivery serious and I joined a group.

Your Cousin Tiffany Foxx is also your artist that you manage, what made you two decide to work so closely together and is it ever challenging working with family or do you think it works better?

Well Tiff and I was in a group together, things got crazy with Deb so we was going our separate ways and everybody wanted Tiffany to go solo out of the three girls in the group anyway and she basically knew I was dope behind the scenes because I ultimately did everything for us anyway so we was like if she go solo I'll manage her! It's not hard for us as family, it's better it's us against them! Them is whoever not us.

The legendary Queen Bee, Lil Kim took Tiffany under her wing as her artist and they have featured on a couple of tracks together how did the two of them come to work together?

Yes the legendary Lil Kim co-signed Tiffany! Kim’s brother (Chris Bo Jones) was flirting with me at Lil Kim’s concert in STL, mind you we already met Lil Kim before when we sent her a Rolls Royce phantom and a chef to show her we respected her as the Queen Bee in our city so she remembered that but her brother made it official! He called me when he and Kim was in Atlanta, we came over to the house they was staying at and Kim came down in the basement heard Tiffany’s song Jay Z and the rest was history or should I say Herstory! She said “Tiff that's you spitting like that?”  and we partnered up that week! Thanks to Chris, he and I never really hit it off in terms of dating but we became business partners.

Was artist management something you always saw yourself getting into?

I never thought about being a manager but my personality since a kid was connecting the dots and taking on people's problems as well as being a good listener and the best negotiator! So the transition was easy as I already was managing things, my ex of 10 years said “your calling is management B” lol he said “you negotiate about making a sandwich for me shit!” Lol it was so easy!

What has been your proudest achievement as a manager so far?

My greatest high was partnering up with my female rap idol Lil Kim I couldn't believe that I did that! That was huge.

You also manage Swift, another very talented artist famous for his hit single 'Pull Up', how did working with him come about?

Yes I manage Swift! Chubbie Baby and I worked on a few things, that's my brother we fight, we argue but he came and got me for Swift and said “here is your first signed to a label act!” He said “Brooke I believe in you, you can be the next Sylvia Rhone” the rest was history or should I say Herstory.

For those not familiar with Swift what can they expect from his sound and what has he got coming up?

Swift is very dope and well- rounded, he does every type of genre of music! He went to the school of arts; he is really coming with R&B and Hip Hop.

You recently launched your artist booking agency, No Mercy Global, tell us a bit about that and the services you provide / clients you currently have.

Yes I went through a pretty dark time in my life last year and I was watching Queen of the South and she told her protégée that you can’t show No Mercy to men in this industry because they will take you for weak! That stuck with me!

So I'm dating this guy that came around in this very dark moment and on our first date we’re furniture shopping for him but, I spent the whole time on the phone booking artists! He didn't find it rude, he actually liked it and every day we spent together it was the same thing, me on my phone booking, negotiating and one day after 6months of that he said “B you need your own office and you need to start a booking agency! You need to take it to the next level, let people pull up on you and take it seriously” next he said “I got you, go find the office” and the rest was history/ or should I say Herstory. I asked him should I call it Mini Mogul or NoMercy and he said “No motherfucking Mercy that's powerful B”!

As for as clients I can book anybody if they available!

What challenges did you face launching a new company whilst juggling managing two artists?

The challenges I juggled are focusing on me real quick to even get in the mode of sitting down,  going there but I'm all over the place, I pay rent for an office I'm barley at because I'm moving around! But I'm getting a team to focus on all the areas of the company and my artists.

For anybody wanting to start their own company what advise would you give them?

Make sure it's your passion, be business savvy and make sure you study what you are into.

Are there any other artists on your radar you would love to work with?

I want to work with the Goat Jay Z and I will work with him not sure how but I will so you remember I told you that!

You call yourself the 'mini mogul' how did that name come about?

Mini Mogul came from my long-time friend Johnnie Cabell he said “Brooke I'm Big Deal and you Lil Big Deal” and then he said “you like the Mini mogul they don't see you coming you 4"11 and don't pose as a threat”.

The music industry is still a very male dominated industry, what advice would you give to any young females coming up that aim to get to high position within the music business?

Yes the industry will forever be male dominated so you have to keep your legs closed! No man in the industry can ever say he slept with me, not one! I pride myself on that! That's why they respect me! They try though all the time and it has caused some bad vibes and has taken me longer because I will not sell my soul.

As you know the site is called 'The Female Hustler' which we definitely see you as! What is your definition of a 'female hustler' ?

My definition of a female hustler is one that bares humility and does what it takes to eat without compromising her integrity! I'm always able to sleep at night with my decisions.

Finally let us know what you have coming up that people should look out for and any key events / shows your artists have that people should go check out!

I'm building my own label, I’m also excited about Tiffany Foxx’s overseas tour and taking NoMercy Global to the next level! What I'm happy about most I can't speak on but it was inspired from watching The Defiant Ones so you have to stay tuned!

Make sure you follow Brooke on IG: @brookedabrand

NoMercy Global: @nomercyglobal

Follower her artists too: @1tiffanyfoxx / @swift

[mumuonmission]

Joyce

Because she’s extra, I’m extra, & I don’t want to wait for a memorial service to share what Joyce means to me.

Spring 2016 me: what was your name again? I only remember your IG, Barbie or something.

Joyce: my name is Joyce but you can call me Barbie, people call me that!

Eventually I found out that nobody actually calls her that. LOL

I first remember meeting Joyce at Resurrection Houston in the middle of our #lifetøgether series. But to really break down what Joyce means to me, I must reflect on who I was before I got to know her.

The #lifetøgether series went over the importance of Christian fellowship with the slogan, “Everything in Jesus is better together.” I was very comfortable with my close small group of friends, but I’m a very social person, so I was always around lots of people. I was complacent in how I was living in community, because I equated going to events with living life with one another. The #lifetøgether series changed my life. It showed me what it was like to love, forgive, and bear with one another. It showed me how uncomfortable but how necessary it was to speak truth to one another. It showed me the joy & power of singing to one another. It showed me what it meant to serve my family. #lifetøgether showed me what Gospel-centered community is supposed to look like. God was pushing me to make friends and build authentic community, but it was hard. I didn’t know how to make friends. I can be very loud and talkative. I can be very inviting and fun to be around. I can be relatively transparent. I can be all things loud, fun, rude, awkward, and annoying, but I couldn’t tolerate the discomfort of conflict resolution or hearing correction. I didn’t hang around people who didn’t accept me. It was simple. lol My friends accepted me, loved me, and corrected me (sometimes). But to branch off and build deeper-than-the-surface relationships and face people having an issue with me made me uncomfortable. God was showing me what it was like to build relationships and I was so confused and annoyed at God like, “Why do you want me to be around these people who are trying me? They don’t know me. They’re disrespectful. They need to get to know me before they come at me like this. This is why I don’t care to make friends. I’m good.” & of course the sovereign & loving God we serve, convicted me & brought me to humility on what this Christian fellowship was about, while sanctifying me into the image of His son.

That’s my brief testimony of how the Gospel transforms through life together. It’s important for me to share that because Joyce used to always tell me I was one of the nicest people at RH, when for a while I didn’t even care to meet new people. lol We were in cross train together. I would see her at family time with my missional community and at our summer Hebrews Bible study, but we were still very hi-bye-ish. lol It wasn’t until Courtney, Joyce, Yewande & I started going over Christianity Explained that I really got to know Joyce.

Joyce taught me how to be a nice person. She is seriously one of the nicest, happiest people I know. The kinda of joy that makes you wonder if she understands life. LOL. She has this weird, self-proclaimed, bubbly, personality with the heart to serve others. Her personality is so strong. I know how much she loves to eat, sleep, and all things fashion, but it never compromised her love for people. Of course this is my perspective and from what I’ve witnessed. This girl thought a lot of herself, but I’ve never been around Joyce to where she thought of herself more than others.

“God did not make this person as I would have made him. He did not give him to me as a brother for me to dominate and control, but in order that I might find above him the Creator.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Joyce showed me how to see God deeper. I’ve had several conversations with random people about my faith. I’ve taught a couple of people Christianity Explained. Nobody has ever challenged me to see God deeper like this girl. We would meet up for our weekly lessons. I would usually spend half of the time on the lesson, half of the time socializing and eating. Joyce would spend the majority, if not all of the time talking about either the lesson, random questions about God, or sharing her life in hopes that all things would be reconciled to the Gospel. She would read and hear things and ask, “why?” & most of the time I would think, “Idk because the Bible says so?!” But reply, “oh I don’t know. I’ll look that up for you & get back to you.” After a while I started to wonder why didn’t I ask these things. I admire her desire to know the truth, not only to believe but to share. I started reading my Bible more. One because I knew I had to get ahead of her and these questions! Lol. Two, because I desired to see God deeper than a lesson.

I’ve known Joyce for less than a year & she’s seriously one of the best friends I never asked for. Her love for God & desire for mission encourages me like crazy. We started off learning how to share the Gospel, and end up sharing our lives. Every time we got together we would talk for hours about life. She allowed me to be me. She allowed me to be a teacher with all respect, grace, and love. She never judged me or made me feel unqualified. She allowed me to share the ugliness in my life with no fear. She never allowed me to stay in my sin and always asked the challenging questions in gentleness and love to understand why. She loved me for me.

“It is not experience of life but experience of the Cross that makes one a worthy hearer of confessions. The most experienced psychologist or observer of human nature knows infinitely less of the human heart than the simplest Christian who lives beneath the Cross of Jesus.  The greatest psychological insight, ability, and experience cannot grasp this one thing: what sin is.  Worldly wisdom knows what distress and weakness and failure are, but it does not know the godlessness of men.  And so it also does not know that man is destroyed only by his sin and can be healed only by forgiveness. In the presence of a psychiatrist I can only be a sick man; in the presence of a Christian brother [or sister] I can dare to be a sinner.  The psychiatrist must first search my heart and yet he never plumbs its ultimate depth.  The Christian brother knows when I come to him: here is a sinner like myself, a godless man who wants to confess and yearns for God’s forgiveness.  The psychiatrist views me as if there were no God.  The brother views me as I am before the judging and merciful God in the Cross of Jesus Christ.” - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Joyce had all of the right qualities in a disciple. She was faithful. She understood what kinda commitment discipleship took. She was available. She made the sacrifices needed to learn, study, and teach. She was teachable. Joyce loves to learn. I’ve never met someone so humble and so hungry to want to share the Gospel and make disciples. Even this past Tuesday, we were meeting for our last brunch and she thought we were going to discuss Chapter 2 of Mike Breen’s Building a Discipleship Culture. I was like “Joyce, you’re leaving. Let’s talk about life!” She wanted to learn as much as she could before leaving, so that she could be equipped to make disciples. She was my partner for the advancement of the Gospel. We would tag team in our weekly discipleship classes. I’ve watched her teach and share the Gospel. I’ve watched her serve her brothers and sisters in humility. I had all these dreams about how we would serve side by side reaching all these ladies in Houston and just like that she’s gone.

I’ve shared a lot about Joyce and her impact on my life, but I understand that this is only the grace of God. Joyce is clear evidence to me of the power of the Gospel. If this was about us, then I would be upset and discouraged. This goodbye of course is bittersweet, but the Gospel makes it beautiful. I thank God for Joyce’s life and all of the ways He has used her to sanctify me. I thank God for the boldness He has given her to be on mission where her life exists. Paul says it so beautifully in Philippians. Of course this letter was to the church in Philippi, but with a few alterations it is my prayer, gratitude, and hope for sister’s life.

“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, 4 always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. 6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. 7 It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. 8 For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. 9 And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, 10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”

Love you so much Joyce! Can’t wait to hear about how God is challenging you and molding you into His image. He will be your strength and comfort.  He will be your joy as you pursue this next chapter. He will be your hope when the distance, the classes, and life overwhelms you. In Jesus name. 

[leeahhtee]

The Game Changer.

I never really got into explaining why I’ve created this Tumblr page. Never jumped into any specifics on who I am or what I’m even doing on this damn social media anyways. I’m pretty sure not everyone comes on here to speak personal details, but me? I’d like to call this a diary or even a “relations page.” Silly, I know, you’re probably wondering “What the heck is this bitch talking about?” But It’s a page where you can read and relate or even see the measures of my oh so exciting life. That was sarcasm guys.

Anyways, enough with the jibber-jabber, I’m going to hop right into how this sexy wonderful relationship came to happen with my amazing girlfriend Mulioaiga and I. Let’s just say it was a clash of mixed feelings, confusion and downright wrong situations. In other words a “series of uneventful events.”

Iga and I knew of each other around the year 2013 or maybe a little after, but never got to speak to one another or anything like that. She was friends with some of my friends and I was friends with some of hers. Time passes by and we finally decide to become friends on social media, with that being Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat. We slowly start to hit one another up, not knowing that we’re intentionally flirting with one another, but never being straight forward about it. Now that we’re dating we always find ourselves asking one another why we never took that leap of faith. My excuse always being that I didn’t want to ruin a great friendship that was blossoming and that I always pushed aside the fact that I might actually really like a GIRL. Her excuse was that she didn’t know if I was just being friendly in a “friend” way.

Time still continues to pass and my niece’s 1st birthday party comes up. Long story short my aunt Egi used to date a guy named Fale who ends up becoming like my older brother, who is also considered an older brother to Iga coming to find out they knew each other longer, but I was closest to Fale’s sister Ruby. Anyways back to the story, Iga’s family all came through and at the time I wasn’t dating anyone but I yearned for love. I guess you can say I was a Romantic or what some would like to call a “Hopeless Romantic.” Always hated that title, made me feel as if I was weak.

The funny thing about that party was that the whole time Iga was trying to get at my youngest sister, I was being cheeky to her older brother that was always trying to game me up. After that night I find out Iga and my sister are talking. It was kinda weird for me because deep down I think I was kind of jealous, I don’t know why the heck I was feeling that way but I always pushed the feelings to the side. I let it be while on the other hand, I was messing around with her brother who I grew so much liking to at the moment just to get treated like nothing in the end, but that’s a whole different segment to talk about.

Things were falling apart for Iga and Rachael later on down the road, so what do I do? I step in and try to play mediator. Always siding with Iga and turning her against Rachaelynn, because Rachael was confused and kept breaking up with Iga just to call her again when she needs someone to fill that empty feeling she needed which was the attention all of us women crave for. One week Rachael left for a college visitation trip at all the big universities in Washington, that’s when I dove straight in and came up with a plan that would mess with Ruby. My dumb ass ended up telling Ruby the plan Iga and I had set up to mess with her head saying that this whole time we’ve been together. I told her because I thought Iga wasn’t going to pull through and show up, but I was so wrong. Iga didn’t know that Ruby knew the whole plan, but Ruby still went with it. We acted like a fresh new couple, but there came a point where Ruby and I couldn’t tell if Iga was taking the role to the extreme and actually acting as if we were together.

She had gotten upset that I mentioned I was going to Homecoming with Maiah as her plus one. She stayed upset from when Ruby went in to make the food and shower baby. I didn’t know she was serious either, then all of a sudden she blew up on me asking me why I was going and what not. I was shocked, so I went with and replied with “I mean I don’t have to if you don’t want me to?” I laugh about it because I was seriously taken back by it. That night went on, we started off on opposites sides of the car making our way closer and closer to one another. I was really waiting for Iga to kiss me, but sadly it never happened that night. We just hugged for a long amount of time, hoping and wishing that I could hold her forever. Well, at least that’s what I was thinking.

Days went by and we took matters into our own hands. I often thought to myself if what I was doing was wrong? Dating my sister’s ex-girlfriend. Hmm... I was so happy and starting to fall in love that nothing else mattered to me. My happiness was key to how we were to become. Rachael was still away at her College visitation thing, but while she was away Iga and I spent almost every night together. Not literally sleeping together, but every chance she would get before going to work she would stop by either at my house or at the Open Gym Night hosted by People's Community Center. Ig was still in the closet to almost all her family, but my thing was that it was so obvious to see that Iga was indeed a “tomboy.” But to be honest it’s hard to accept the fact that your own child might be leaning towards liking the same sex. I started spending less time with friend’s and family and spent more time with Iga. I enjoyed every minute with her.

I’ll never forget our first kiss, it was at the gym by the emergency exit doors. She came with her friends and had to drop them off at home real quick but before she left she wasn’t even trying to give me a kiss goodbye. I roll my eyes at the thought, but what did I do? I took that plunge of action and asked her. Her lips were actually very soft, I wanted more, but she had to go. But best believe I knew I was going to get more one way or another. There would be night’s before work where we would sit in the car, parked in front of our house and listen to music or even try to make out. I thought Iga didn’t know how to make out until one night where she surprised me.

Maiah knew about Iga and me, but I told her not to tell Rachael because I wanted to be the one to tell her. I’d rather it come from her sister than from anyone else. I gave Maiah my phone to take with her when she goes to pick Rachaelynn up, but this bitch told Rachaelynn herself. I should’ve known because Maiah is the type to create drama. She liked getting herself into the melodramatic bullshit, but I was so caught up in spending time with Iga that I didn’t think things through. I came to the car and Rachaelynn was crying. For some odd reason I didn’t feel bad, not one bit. I was happy as hell and wasn’t going to let anyone rob me from that.

Words were exchanged between the both of us, but long story short, she got over it. She knew they weren’t going to last, so she didn’t know why she was crying. Iga and I became official on October 10th, 2014. Everyone in my family calls that month the devil’s month and says that’s my month because I am evil as hell. I mean yeah I can be a bitch, but it’s never intentionally. Again, that’s sarcasm.

My family grew to love Iga so much, I loved that. My siblings grew to love her especially my brother, my mom is very open and out of the box, she cared about my happiness, my dad, on the other hand, was somewhat of a struggle to get through to, but at the end of the day, he cared about my happiness too. For Iga it was hard, she was the baby girl of the family, so for her to come out to her parents was big. They didn’t allow it. We cried so many nights when we weren’t able to see one another because her parents kept her from seeing me. It was hard because her family was very religious, but for her father to make a huge deal out of it was shocking because his very own sister is gay. We spent nights crying on her back up phone together, thinking we’d never get to see one another again.

It’s hard to be accepted in the Samoan community because you can have the parents who are very open and don’t live by the fa’a Samoa way, then you have the ones who do. Nothing wrong with that, but in America, your kids grow up seeing different things around them. Everyone expresses themselves differently. It’s the home of the brave and land of the free, yet you can be bound to expectations of how your family wants you to live. It sometimes blocks you from being who you truly are. There came a time where Iga and I took that leap of faith and decided to be one another officially.

She ran away from home, she came to be with me. That right there was the day I knew what it was like to have someone who would break all the boundaries for you. I saw love whenever I looked into Iga’s eyes. I felt comfort within her arms and knew what it meant to be loved for you, to be loved unconditionally and that Iga would never leave me. It was too quick of a judgment, but I trusted that judgment. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and no one else.

The running away process was simple, but we didn’t think about the outcome of what would happen if her family came searching. We had threats from her sister, but we still didn’t let anything phase us. Months passed us by and finally, her family came around. At first, it was an uncomfortable situation meeting the parents, but at the end of the day, I grew to love them. I will tell you now that yes they do accept of us, but I think only because they think this is just like very other Lesbian Samoan couple, but it’s not. I know it’ll be another trial trying to bring our families together to tell them we’re getting married but that’s something that we’ll just have to wait and see when Iga really pops the question.

Iga and I have been living together ever since May 2015 and yes the journey has been rough. I mean what couple doesn’t have their crazy arguments? We argued like crazy and said things we never meant, but we love each other so much that we can’t live without one another. We have seen our most beautiful to the ugliest moments together. I love spending every second with her, I’m so attached to her that I don’t ever want to let her go.

She became my game changer, the one to change my life around in all the good ways. I look for her when I need a shoulder to cry on, when I need someone to vent to and when I need someone to talk shit with. I learned to braid her so that she would never have to search for another girl to braid her up. I feel butterflies inside when she gives me this certain look, the “I’m so in love” look. She became my knight in shining armor that I always searched for. I searched for someone to love me when come to find out she was always here, SHE was the one. The one who would sweep my off my feet, the one who would see my ugly cry, the one who would be there for EVERY family event and the one to be here to forever hold me down. I plan on marrying her legally, changing my last name to hers and maybe a year from whenever it happens to have children, whether it be adoption or spending money on getting me inseminated and finding a sperm donor. I want my happy ever after with her. Like I said before Iga is my game changer and she’s a blessing to my life. I love her endlessly and can’t wait to spend forever with her. This piece is for you baby.

I love you Mulioaiga S Filimaua.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #296

“reality’s a plague; we’re the medication”

How are you doing in this time of COVID19? Do you personally know anyone who is not taking COVID19 seriously? Tired of it. Don’t see an end to it. I know a bunch of dumbasses who don’t take it seriously at all. What do you think of TikTok? Have you jumped on it yet? Why or why not? I don’t have an opinion on it. What hobby or interest of your significant other do you have ZERO interest in? What about something you actually think might be fun or something you actually picked up thanks to them? If you don’t have an SO, you can think of a relative or friend as an example instead. No s/o, sooo I’ll use best friend instead. Tbh I can’t say I have ZERO interest in anything she likes… If it makes her happy, I’m thankful for it. To answer the second half, she definitely got me into Wings of Fire. Have you ever felt affected by the death of a celebrity or public figure? If so, who? Do you remember when you found out and what was your reaction to it? Steve Irwin comes to mind very quickly. I remember exactly who told me and where I was. I was heartbroken. He was my childhood hero. Did you ever get called horrible names like whore, skank, bitch? I’ve been called a bitch. I remember one occasion as a kid where I was called fat for breaking a swing, even though I was a normal size. The swing was just old. It affected me though, for sure. Where did you sleep last night? My bed. Ever slow danced with anyone? Yes. Who is the last person to send you a message on Facebook? The woman I took pictures for a few weeks back. She’s a sweetheart. Have you ever been given roses? Yeah. Ever been called babe/baby? Yeah. Who was the last person to smoke something other than a cigarette or weed in front of you? No one’s ever smoked anything else in my presence. Does anything on your body hurt? My knees. They pretty much always do. Who is your favorite family member on your mom’s side? My uncle Rob. Who was the last person you were under a blanket with? Sara. Which of your friends is the most likely to get pregnant right now? I feel like all of them that are “likely” literally are pregnant right now lmao. My Facebook is like a new pregnancy announcement once a week, it seems like. Have you ever been called prince/princess? Ew, no. Have you kissed anyone when you’re single? No. Have you ever kissed someone who was in a relationship? Nooo, I have no interest in being “that person.” What would you call your body type? Let’s not think about this. Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Yeah. Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart? I don’t think I could. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? I don’t believe so. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting or any kind of abuse at home? My parents fought all the time. Separated when I was… 17, I wanna say? Have you ever had any volunteer jobs? Ha. Attempts, anyway. Both were animal-related, and I was so excited to become a regular helper, but my weak-ass body couldn’t handle either. Has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you? I never actually thought of it this way, but yes. Flirting like that was absolutely cheating. Describe how you feel about your life in the past month using one word: Stuck. Are you feeling guilty about anything right now? I always have guilt nowadays. When was the last time you saw someone attractive? In person? Hm. I think a about a month back when I took family pictures for someone. The kids’ dad was pretty cute. Are you okay with the life you live? Nope. What other piercings would you get other than the ones you already have? Fuuuuck dude, I want a lot. Many more in my ears, dermals in my collarbones (the #1, ahhh, but I want to lose weight first so you can see the contrast), it’d be nice to have a nose ring that fucking stayed in, I would LOVE an undereye microdermal if I ever change to contacts again, sometimes I think about an eyebrow piercing if I kept my eyebrows thinner… man, there’s a lot. I just love body mod. Did your last kiss take place on a bed? No. Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? HEEEEEEEEEEEELL NO. Is your present hair color natural? Sadly yes. Do you follow a certain religion? No. Do you listen to any country music? Noooo. It’s so weird remembering that I loved it as a kid. Have you ever lived on a farm? No. Do both of your parents have jobs? Dad does, but Mom is currently on disability due to recovering from cancer. What is something you’ve always wanted a boy to do for you? Ummm. I dunno. What do you wish you had more knowledge about? Politics. Is there anyone you’re not over and feel like you never will be? I doubt I’ll ever be fully over him. But I feel it’s understandable. When’s the last time you were really late to something? Hm. Dunno. Do you sing a lot? I sing veeery rarely. Do you think you have an addictive personality? I have a very addictive personality, yes. What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Pokemon, easily. What are you planning on eating for dinner tonight if you haven’t already? I don’t know. When was the last time someone took your picture? *shrugs* Do you eat chili when you get a hotdog, or do you like it plain? I eat them with ketchup and mustard, not chili. Would you say it’s easy for people to make you smile or laugh? I’m unsure… but I lean towards no. Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? Hell yeah. I’m so for platonic “I love you”s. What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? I'm not sure about "worst," honestly. I've mostly just heard mild inconvenience type things. Have you ever been in a car wreck? Yes. Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? Actually, yes, by maybe my second psychiatrist. She was fucking looney; I could see ADD, but ADHD was ludicrous. Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? I cut off connections with my dad for years after the divorce. Is there anyone out there who has hurt you so much, you wish they’d die? Yeesh, no. How many times have you been drunk in your life? None. Are you a happy person? Not really. Have you cried yourself to sleep? Oh yeah. Have you been in trouble with the law/jail time? No. At what age did you become sexually active? Maybe like, 16 1/2? Have you been in a loving relationship? Yes. Have you been in an abusive/bad relationship? No. Who would you die for? Quite a large handful of people, really. Have you ever been in a gang? Nooooo thanks. Who do you dream about most? Annoyingly, Jason. When are you happiest? When I'm hyperfixated on a new interest. Do you answer the phone by saying anything besides "hello?" Not unless it's family, really. Then I'll just be like "hey" or "what's up?", something along those lines. Do you get mad easily? No. What is your favorite song right now? I'm pretty hooked on "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli. Do you wear glasses or contacts? If you wear both, which do you prefer, and why? I wear glasses. I've worn contacts before, they're just too tedious for me. Would you rather be buried or cremated? Cremated, please. Ever done karaoke? Did you like it? No. Goriest movie you've ever seen? Probably some SAW film. Is anything in your room purposely hidden? No. Have you ever been pranked via hidden camera? No. Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? No, anything with raisins is disgusting. What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? "It depends on the situation." <<<< This. Have you ever loved a boy who was dating some other girl? I certainly still loved Jason when he was with his girlfriend after me. Is your hair all the same color? Yeah, pretty much. When it was longer, I had natural highlights, but now that it's so short, ig it's hard for them to exist. Denim, leather or varsity jacket? I have desperately wanted a leather jacket since middle school. They're just expensive, at least the ones I like. Do you clean things that are already clean when you're bored? Ha, no. I'm not gonna clean without reason. Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No. What TV shows do you keep up with? None. Would you rather have a wiener dog or an Italian greyhound? Absolutely a greyhound, if I wanted a dog and had room for one of those. Do your parents buy you most anything you want? Most definitely not. I'm not even comfortable asking for things at my age. Have you ever tried to jump a fence? I have jumped fences, as a kid. Do you like the movie Zootopia? I do. Do you ever go on Pinterest? Rarely. What's the last kind of chocolate you ate? A sea salt dark chocolate w/ caramel filling Ghiradelli square from Christmas. Can you speak any unusual languages? No. Did you do gymnastics in elementary school? No. Have you ever performed in front of a large audience? Yeah; I was in dance classes for a long time, so we had recitals and went to competitions. I never did a solo, though. I was going to my senior year (senior solos are typical), but I got too nervous to continue with it. It was to "Coma White" by Marilyn Manson. Do you like BBQ sauce? Ugh, I hate it. Last time you wore the opposite sex's clothing? Right now. I always wear men's pj pants. Are you currently fighting with someone? No. Have you ever kept anything wild as a pet? When I was little, I know my sisters and I kept a box turtle that wandered into our yard for a while. We eventually let it go. Then when I would go fishing with Dad, one of my absolute favorite things to do was try to catch the minnows and tadpoles in my hands, and so I had a fishbowl of those. Don't keep wild animals, please. Do you set good examples for little kids? Probably not. Does your house have a pool? No, but I REALLY want one. It would be so helpful in strengthening my legs without sweating my ass off and feeling like I'm going to collapse. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No, but I've actually had very short (I mean like, a second), sudden spasms when lying down that feel like what I assume a seizure to feel like. I think it's a side effect of my nightmare medication. What's the longest hotel stay you've ever had? Not long at all. Just a few days. Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Maybe? What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? Making dark/dangerous jokes. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? I haven't been to nearly enough to know. Have you ever had to wear a school uniform? In middle school. Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? My fat ass ain't getting in the top bunk. Are you close with your cousins? None, really. Are you close to any aunts or uncles? Also not really, but one of my mom's brothers is closest to that. Are you close to your grandparents? They're all dead, but I wasn't very close to any. I never really see my extended family. What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? Go swimming, if they had a pool. If they didn't or it just wasn't up, I liked playing two-player video games. Do you know what you want to do for your next birthday? Probably go to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner and dessert with family and just chill at home for most of the day. What is the last new thing you discovered that was really good? Peanut butter fudge, like holy shit. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? No. What is the best hairstyle you've ever had? What I have now. Do you think you look better with dyed hair or natural hair? DYED. Do you think your look better with curly hair or straight hair? Straight. Have you ever won a contest? Yes. How many drawers does your dresser have? Five. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? N/A What song hit you so hard that you remember where you were the first time you heard it? Oh man, what a question. Music can affect me very deeply, so honestly there's probably a number that fit this criteria if I thought for long enough, but I'm not gonna spend ten minutes trying to pick the best one. "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White will do, I guess because that was probably the most recent. I don't let myself listen to it, even though I love it. It'll only drag me into a trauma pit. What's your "brand" of fictional character, the type you always get attached to (ex., "perky girls with deep-seated mental health issues," "guys who you would want as an older brother," etc.)? Totally the sarcastic and usually well-composed villain. If you use Spotify, share your 2020 Wrapped! What are your overall feelings about it? Is it what you expected? I don't use it. If you’re a ~gamer~, what are your top 3 all-time favorite games? Silent Hill 2, Shadow of the Colossus, and Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs. What’s the biggest red flag you’ve ever ignored? I dunno; I'm pretty good at listening to those. What’s something extremely bizarre you believed as a very young child? It's fucking embarrassing that I went through this many-years-long "I have animal powers given to me by a wolf I made up!!!" thing, holy god. Like, I thought I could "activate" traits of certain animals. Kids are fuckin wild, but I was exceptionally so. What is the biggest conflict in your life right now? With myself. Through a lot of digging with my therapist, she got me to realize that I don't feel that I'm rightfully lovable because I'm not "successful" and "going nowhere." It hit like a ton of fucking bricks when I understood the "why" of feeling like that. Like don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm a bad person that is worthy of being hated, but totally deserving of pure love, no. So my therapist has me tell myself "I am lovable" in the mirror every morning, and I don't believe it. I'm trying to, but every time I'm just like "lol but are you really?" If you could change your current life schedule to incorporate more or less time for certain things, how would you do so? Do you feel like you have a well-structured and well-balanced schedule at the moment? My schedule is embarrassing, truly. I wake up, get on the computer, go to bed, and that's just about it, taking care of bodily needs being sprinkled in there throughout. I want to change it so, so badly, but I'm just... so set in my ways. I want to incorporate at least 30 minutes of daily reading, and I've yet to start my Wii Fit exercising because I'm waiting for Mom to move into her room (she stays and sleeps in the living room rn) because I do NOT like exercising in front of ANYBODY. I don't care if she gave birth to me. I also want to spend less time just hopping between websites on the laptop just because I can't find anything to do. It'd be nice to draw more, too... but for that, I really need to like the idea of what I'm drawing to stay even slightly motivated. There's probably more to this, but yeah, that's enough. What filler words do you find yourself using most often ("um," "you know," etc.)? "Um" or "uh," probably. I fumble over my words so much as well as just total derail on what I'm talking about that filler words are very, very common for me. When was the last time you felt let down? What were your expectations about the given situation that weren't met? Ugh, so apparently when my laptop was fixed, a lot of things were reset, and that included Lightroom, my primary photography editing software. I lost all my presets and I initially thought pictures too, but thank Christ I had a backup dialogue. I'm still pretty annoyed, because I can't find my favorite free LR download site. I didn't at all expect my laptop to be affected as heavily as it was, just getting a new DC port... If you enjoy taking and editing photos, how would you describe your editing style? This greatly depends on the subject matter and composition, but I feel a common theme is I enjoy vibrance. I war with myself a lot if I make them too saturated, but idk. Have you ever been inspired by a celebrity to change something about your appearance (your clothing style, hairstyle, etc.)? Is much of your taste/style inspired by celebrities? If not, what else serves as an inspiration for you? Ha! Guys, I'm not going to bullshit you, when I got into GMM, I loved Link's big, "nerdy" glasses so much that I became very curious as to how they'd look on me. Years later, I still kept the style and think they've looked best on me of all my glasses. I love them. For the second question, no, not really. My personal aesthetics dictate my style selections. When was the last time you felt a friendship was petering out? If a friendship seems to be fizzling, do you go out of your way to try to "save it," or do you accept that it may have just reached its natural conclusion? Ugh. This has happened in so very many of my friendships that I don't even like thinking about it. If we're talking the most recent time, I suppose with Alex. She just started talking to me less and less before vanishing (to clarify, she's an online friend). Considering just how poorly I handle loss, I'm the type to always try to save friendships I still cherish. Who is your favorite contemporary writer, author, poet, thinker? I don't know. What are your thoughts on body positivity vs. body neutrality? I believe in seeing your body and loving it for all it does, considering it's a masterpiece of biology, but, I also feel it is vital to consider its health. In other words, no, I do not think morbidly obese or emaciated individuals should think their body is... I can't think of the right word, really. "Ideal," I suppose? And keep in mind: this is coming from an obese person. I don't want someone to tell me "your body is perfectly fine!" or "you should just accept you the way you are!" when I spend almost every minute of every day thinking to some degree about how much I hate my fucking weight. No, I don't want to be convinced I should settle and neglect the wellbeing of the one body I have, but I in no way support bashing or being rude to people who are unhealthy, either. I feel like my stance on this is kinda hard to explain. Just respect your body as well as others' and their efforts to treat it the best they can. Do you enjoy keeping secrets from people, like having something about yourself that no one else knows? I mean, I don't enjoy it... I'd prefer to have none. If you play video games, what do you usually like to play? If you don't play video games, do you like watching others play? If so, what? I really like horror games, more than any. Fantasy ones with dragons and gods and the like are awesome, too. I don't enjoy a lot of games that are pretty much just movies with player decisions that barely affect the ending (I do like watching these, though), nor do sportsy or action things normally do it for me. It's by serious luck that I'm an avid World of Warcraft player, because I don't tend to like very grindy games, but I suppose WoW is an exception with the absolutely endless options of what you can do. Onto the second part of the question: totally. I wouldn't watch let's plays if I didn't, and I grew up loving to watch my dad and brother play. I'll watch an even wider variety of games than I play, but it more so depends on who the person is versus what they're playing, because whom I watch is controlled by whether or not/how much I enjoy the individual themselves. What are three things you like about nature? Just three? Damn... Well, the easiest I suppose can be summed up in a quote: "As above, so below." All is tied together. I could go on a romantic monologue about the beauty of our connection to the infinite stars we look upon and the ground we stand on, but I'll spare ya that poem. I love, love, love the sounds of nature: birds chirping, zephyrs through the trees, the crunching of fall leaves. All of it. Then, there's the power of nature! I live for those pictures of nature just taking the Earth back: desolate homes eaten by vines, all that. To call nature merely "spectacular" is truly an act of disrespect, pretty much. What do teenagers have right now that you wish you had when you were their age? Hm. I guess better phones.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #295

i’m not listening to music so am blanking on lyrics to put here lol

Who’s your favorite rapper? And your favorite song by this rapper? Eminem. "Cinderella Man" is probably my favorite, or "Space Bound." How about your favorite band? And your favorite song by this band? Ozzy Osbourne, if I had to pick solely one. God, picking a favorite song, though... idk, maybe "Trap Door," but it's almost impossible for me to decide. Have you ever had the cops called on you? For what? No. Would you rather be home alone, or have people with you? Why? I'd rather have people home, but alone in my room. I just feel less lonely. Have you ever dropped a class in school? Which class, and why did it suck? I dropped some class in college that I can't remember the name of... I completely misjudged what it would be like. I had absolutely zero interest. I feel like I've dropped another, too? Have you ever taken someone back, who ended up just hurting you again? No. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nicole. What was the last thing you printed? Is there even ink in your printer? Something for school, I'm sure. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, my driving instructor in HS. Have you ever been in handcuffs? Why, exactly? Yeah, to be transported from the ER to psych hospitals, as well as handcuffs among other restraints when going to court to explain why I was eligible for an earlier discharge from the hospital. That's one of the scariest experiences of my life, feeling like a bound lunatic. Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? Why? Yeah, for two surgeries. Do you actually have a calendar on your wall? What are the pictures of? I have two old meerkat ones that are just for decoration. Have you ever been on a cruise? How many? Where did they go? No. Do you have a favorite author? No. Does your significant other boss you around a lot? I don't have one, but I wouldn't tolerate that shit. Do you know anyone who has overdosed? Me, but I obviously lived. I think I've loosely or distantly known people who weren't so lucky. Are you a fan of PDA (public displays of affection)? As long as it's not too intense, I think it's sweet. It's beautiful to see love expressed. When was the last time you went bowling? A few years ago for Girt and my first date. Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? I do. Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yes, for school essays. I think my longest was about toxic masculinity. I'm actually really proud of it; I think my instructor used it as an example for her next semester's students, given that I was notified of an influx of views on it. Do you have any names picked out for your future children? What are they? Hypothetically speaking, if I had a daughter, Alessandra is her name, period, lol. I would like to name my never-happening son Damien, but I'd be more open to suggestions from my partner. Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? Oh yikes, no thank you. Do you have/want any piercings? I have a good number and seriously want more. What side of the bed do you sleep on? More towards the left. Who is the last person you told a secret to? Nicole, about Misty coming down here for a visit. Have you ever been on an island? Yes, just off the NC coast during a 4th grade school vacation. It was amazing and even had wild horses. What's your favorite job you've ever had? I guess GameStop was the best, since I was actually interested in what I worked with. Do you have any vacations planned? No. Do you enjoy getting manicures/pedicures? How often do you get them? I mean it's nice I guess, but it's not something I'd spend money on. Have you yelled at anyone today, and why? No. Do you own anything with your state or providence's name on it? No. Do you like the Paranormal Activity movies? Yeah. Paranormal is my favorite subgenre of horror. What's your favorite way to eat peanut butter? On waffles, haha. Do you like bows? Yeah, they're cute. Have you ever made a 'haul' YouTube video? No. Has a boyfriend ever made you breakfast? Yeah, that was quite ordinary with Jason since his original intention was to be a chef. What do you gather your change in? My wallet. Do you like to play Angry Birds? I never have. The movie was cute, tho. Do you like Cheez-Its? Oh GOD. I looooove Cheez-Its and they need to be kept away from me to avoid bingeing on them. Have you ever been pulled aside for a random bag search at an airport? I don't think so, no. What’s your favorite flavor of Jell-O? Watermelon, I think? Or strawberry? Do you have any games on your computer? Which ones? On my personal laptop, I have World of Warcraft, Alien: Isolation, Resident Evil 6, and both Amnesia games. I think that's it. What's a musical instrument you think sounds really beautiful? Violins. Do you have a favorite type of pasta? (like a shape of noodles, not dish) I'm not particular about this, really. What's the coolest natural event you've ever witnessed? Maybe the blood moon. Are there any waterfalls near where you live? No, just dams. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I know people who have had smaller works published, but calling them an "author" feels odd since it's not their actual career or anything. Is that rude? Do you own a polaroid camera? No, but that'd be cool. Do you think you’ll ever end up in rehab? No. Who’s your favorite Kardashian sister? I don't have an opinion. Is there someone you absolutely cannot stand but have to tolerate? My sister's husband. "Absolutely cannot stand" might be a bit strong, but... Do you want to go to pregnancy classes? If I was to ever be pregnant, no. My mom would be able to answer all things related to this, haha. Do you ever cringe at the thought of living in a disgusting house? Yes. What color are your bathroom towels? We have a variety. How often do you let cleavage show? I'm not very revealing, but I'm also not self-conscious of allowing some. Does vintage stuff appeal to you? Yes! Where do you want to go? I'd love to visit Sara again, but not so long as Covid hangs around. Have you ever had feelings for two people at the same time? Something like that with Jason and Juan before I chose Jason. I don't even really know if I like-liked Juan versus just being flattered by him. Would you ever throw out or give away something an ex gave you? I mean, what's the item in question? And are we on good terms (not that that would always matter)? What's the biggest annoyance in your life right now? Right now, Covid. I know, surprising I didn't say "not having a job," but so long Covid is an issue, I don't think I would be comfortable having one. I can't bring that shit home to my weak mother. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Mom. What do you want right this second? To actually be skinny again. It's hard to believe in my teens I thought I wasn't. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? I'm actually quite the opposite... It's sad, I know I'd have less trouble losing weight if I could just stop drinking it regularly. Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom? ... No...? Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? I don't believe so, no. Who’d you last see in a tux? Hm. Probably when I shot a wedding. Out of everyone you know, who has the most heart? Uhhhh I dunno. Who’s the bravest person you know? Probably my mom. Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? Again, my mother. Have you ever dated someone who was really sporty? Nah. Are you any good at writing? I think so. What’s your favorite form of writing? I don't know if it counts as a "form" as much as it is a subject, but RP. Writing with characters you yourself have created and actually engaging with other's inventions is very fun. Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? Yes, over things I'd said to Jason following the breakup. It literally took years because I was so convinced it was all justified. What did you dream about last night? I don't remember. Sure feels great though that my nightmares are chilling out. What profession do you admire the most? That's tough, but probably those that put their lives on the line for others, like firefighters. I also have massive respect for people like doctors, given all the time and work they put into their education to become one and help others. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? No. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Well, seeing as I was an initial homophobe that eventually realized I was bisexualllll... Do you have a garden at your house? No. Do you like making puppet figures with your shadow? When I was a kid, sure. Have you ever played strip poker or would you ever? No, but I won't say absolutely never if I was just with my s/o. It's not something I'm actually interested in doing, though. Would you date someone who didn’t want to have sex until they were married? Yep. Would you date someone who went to church on a regular basis? To be totally honest, I don't know if me and a person that actively religious would work out, but I'd try it, ig. What is your favorite curse word? I say "fuck" way too much lmao. It's an intense word and I'm a passionate person, lol. What movie do you know just about every line from? None. Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? Cupcakes. What are the three “nevers” of your life? To name just a few that I'm absolutely certain about, I'd never do hard drugs, commit murder (unless in self-defense, but is that even "murder?"), or abuse somebody. Last board game you played? I think it was "Sorry!" when I was babysitting Ryder. Last card game you played? Christ, Uno. My niece went through a phase of like obsessively playing it with me because I would let her win. Last thing you got for free? Christmas gifts. How long have you been tattooed? If you’re not, do you want to get tattooed? I got my first tat the day I turned 18. Last baby shower? My sister's last year. Last wedding? A repeat photography client's. Her family is lovely. Last funeral? I don't think I've been to a funeral (not wake) since I was maybe a preteen and my childhood babysitter died... It's sad that I didn't go to my grandmother's, but I didn't really have that choice. What is your band’s name? Or fantasy band ;)? Haha, my Rock Band one was "Bullets and Butterflies." How many different strip clubs have you been to? None. Do you have any nieces/nephews? Technically a lot, but only three are regular parts of my life. How many cars have you ever owned? Me personally, none. Can you do math in your head well? ABSOLUTELY not. Who is your favorite Star Wars character? I only care about the Ewoks ok. I'm not a fan of the franchise. Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party? No. Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail? No. Have you ever given someone a fake phone number? No. Do you have any bumper stickers on your car? N/A Have you ever gone golfing? Only mini-golfing as a kid. Well, and on an anniversary date with Jason. Actual golfing doesn't interest me. If you became famous for something, what would it be? To be entirely realistic versus idealistic, probably something I wrote. How many friends do you have that are married? A whole lot. Do you still have your wisdom teeth? Yes. When you were a kid, were you ever afraid of cooties? No, it was just a playful joke. Do you ever go Christmas caroling in December? No. Do you like mango? Mango flavored stuff, oh yes. I don't like actual mangos; they're too mushy. What was the last thing you got falsely accused of? I don't know. Have you ever been kicked out of a store? No. What does caffeine do to you? Nothing, really. I think I'm too accustomed to it being in my system. Would other people describe you as creative? Very. Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? Hm, maybe paint. Names of best friends you've had: Brianna, Kimberly, Jenna, Megan, Mini, Sara... I don't remember them all. Were you one of the smartest in your class? Through most of my school experience, yes. Will you let your kids have a YouTube channel, do you think? If I wanted kids, it would depend on their age and what they were making. Have you ever owned a designer purse? No. Do you like the taste of Tums? Taste, yes. Chalky texture, fuck no. I like the chewy ones, though. Are you currently learning a new language? No. What culture are you most interested in learning about? Maybe Indian? Do you own anything skull print? Oh, loads of stuff. Who are the three people you consider yourself closest to? Mom, Sara, and uh... Dad. Do you like crackers with your soup? Soggy crackers are gross. I don't really like soup, anyway. Which ex of yours means the most to you? Sara. What is something that never fails to make you feel accomplished? Cleaning. Do wooded areas freak you out in the evening or night? No, I love 'em. Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle? No, I'm not comfortable with the idea of riding one. Do you iron any of your clothes? No. Do you think long, straight hair is pretty? Yes, if it's healthy. Do you have a fireplace in your home? Yes. Did you have a class pet in grade school? No. Have you ever owned an aquarium? No. Do you prefer mints or gum? I'd say gum. Popsicles or fudgesicles? Ohhh, fudgesicles. What is your favorite flavor of hot pockets? I only even moderately enjoy the ham and cheese ones. Do you like apple juice? Yeah, but there's definitely better juices.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #260

“better think twice; your train of thought will be altered.”

Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before? I believe Nicole and I did as kids sometimes? Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Always. Wear your goddamn seatbelt, folks. Do you prefer to spend your time indoors or outdoors? Generally indoors, but it does depend on what I can do outside as well as the weather. How many people have you kissed? Three or four. I really can't remember if *I* ever kissed Girt. Do you just feel awkward when you dance? YIKES YUP, even when I was a dancer. Has the person you have feelings for ever told you that you’re attractive? Yes. Can you get over people easily? MOTHER OF FUCK, NO. Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay? No. Do you like to have long hair or short hair? SHORT. Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep? Ugggghhhh, yes. Especially cuddling while falling sleep in the rain is everything. Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? Many times. Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents or someone else? Well, to a degree. I have artwork in here that I'm just self-conscious of others seeing, but I wouldn't DIE if my mom found them. They're not even really "hidden," just covered. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? Strawberry. Do you like hot-dogs? I wish I didn't. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? A fuckin hot leather, spiked choker with chains draped across it. It's just a bit tight on me now. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I skinned the shit out of my knees on the road as a kid, wound up with cuts near the bones. It was not, NOOOOOT pretty and took literally years for the scars to totally vanish. What song do you want played at your funeral? Probably "Life is Beautiful" by Sixx AM. How many keys are on your key chain? What do they go to? Just the one to the house. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? Not in the traditional sense. Before surgery, they obviously had to be sure via a urine sample, but otherwise, no. Would you rather live in a mansion or a small cozy home? Whew, the latter, easily. If you were offered to smoke some weed right now, would you accept? Nah. Do you get your eyebrows waxed, or do you pluck them? Neither, really. I just don't care; mine aren't awful, and it's too time-consuming and "required" too frequently for me to bother. They're just eyebrows. Do you and your last ex hate each other? Not at all. Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? Well yeah, we're best friends. Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? I was literally a madly in love teenager, you can guess. How do you handle people who are overly enthusiastic all the time? "I don’t 'handle' them, they’re actually pretty cool to be around. I appreciate having that kind of energy around me because I don’t generate a whole lot of it myself and I want it to rub off." <<<< Exactly this. Do people say you look like a certain celebrity? Nah. Who do you think you look like? No one I know of. Ever loved someone who didn’t love you back? hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGALS;KDJFA;LKJEW Ever done karaoke? Did you like it? Nooooo sir. Ever seen a pregnant woman smoking/drinking? Yep. It was an occasion where I had to practice serious self-discipline to keep my mouth shut. :x What was the last piece of candy you ate? Miss Tobey brought me a Reese's yesterday morning so that. Nice breakfast lmao. Do you curse a lot? A real fucking lot. It's not intentional, it's just so ingrained in me as normal diction after being at Jason's so much when his mother is the definition of an Italian New Yorker and thus her son has a mouth too lmao. Personally, I don't believe in "profanity" in the traditional sense so it doesn't bother me in the way of "oh I'm saying too many bad words," I just know my dictionary is wider than "fuck" and "shit" oof. If you could be a Disney character for a day, who would you be? Probably like Kiara. Be a hot princess lion with a hot lion boyfriend and chill lion parents WOW am I a furry yet. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? Yeah, my friendship ring with Sara, a bracelet from her as well, and an ovarian cancer bracelet for my mom. Then tattoos, if you consider myself as "wearing" them. To you, what is especially distracting? The sound of TV when you're trying to sleep. What are some things that are important in your life right now? My mom's health, my mental health, job searching to at least get ideas for when transportation is easier, keeping the house clean, keeping up with Sara's health. When was the last time you did some major cleaning? A couple weeks back when I detail cleaned out both my shelves. Who challenges you the most? In what way?  My psychiatrist, but not in a bad way. He pushes me to keep improving with things. What was the last opportunity that you passed up, and why? I should know this, but I don't. Have you ever contemplated cheating on anyone? Oh no, I couldn't live with the guilt. Who do you know that gives very sound advice? Sara is great at that. What do you think makes a person weak? The will to drag someone down just because you're feeling that way. What makes a person strong? The determination to not give up. Who do you go to when you need comfort? Mom more than anyone. Where is your favorite place to get fries? BOJANGLE'S. You cannot live to your fullest potential until you've received the seasoned blessing of Bojangle's fries. What is the most recent article of clothing you’ve purchased? I think underwear. Have you ever made your own pie from scratch? No. Are there any waterfalls nearby? Definitely no big ones. Hell, maybe even no natural ones. There are lots of dams, but I don't think they count. What are your earliest memories of going to see a doctor? My first time getting my blood drawn and consciously understanding what was about to happen. Freaked the FUCK out, bolted from the room, and clinged like a monkey to a column while sobbing. It literally took multiple adults to get me off of it, and I was very little. And then when I actually got poked, apparently I just said, "... That's it?" Oh, little me, you'd take needles for hours later on in life in the name of art lol. What is your favorite condiment? Maybe ketchup. Do you know anyone who has been to rehab? Well, all the mental hospitals I've been to included addicts seeking recovery, and I befriended a few. For people more in my personal life, I think so. Would you consider yourself to be a picky eater? I am ridiculously picky. Have you ever slept in a car overnight? I'm quite sure no, not a full night. Has someone close to you died of murder? No, thankfully. Does your school offer driver’s ed? My high school did, which is where I took it. Have you ever done volunteering work abroad? No. Do you have a shower stall or a bath tub? A tub. Why do you do these surveys? I'm bored most of the time with absolutely nothing better to do. Sometimes it helps me contemplate some things about myself. Do you like shopping? Eh, depends on what I'm shopping for. What’s a show you wish that was still on air? MM IS COMIN BACK, FUCKERS. Do you like hip hop? Nooo. Do you like pretzels? I do, especially soft ones. You want your next pet to be what? It's probably going to be a tarantula. I'm not being sarcastic lmao. It just depends on if I can convince my mom. Do you like coconut scents? Sure. Would you spend 20 dollars on a candle? Hell no. What is a dessert that you DON’T like? Pie. And one that you love? mmmmmmmmMMMMMMMM ice cream. Would you rather be a vampire or a mermaid? Vampire, ig. Being a mermaid genuinely sounds boring. Where the fuck's the WiFi. Are you happy with your physical features? Bitch no. When you doodle, what are you usually doodling? Meerkats. Do you eat salads? Not enough, but I like them w/ regular lettuce and I'm open to different dressings. Favorite thing to do on your phone? Play Pokemon if I'm actually in a spot to get fckn balls. What magazines do you like? I don't read any. What is your favorite thing about Christmas? The feeling of really being a family. Do you prefer white or black electronics? Black. Firm pillow or soft pillow? S O F T Who was the last person you rode in a car with? Mom. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? Thank fuck no. Are there any people you don’t like for your significant other/crush to talk to? I’m single and don't have like... an "active" crush ig? What was the last alcoholic beverage you drank? I had a bombin' sangria for my birthday @ Olive Garden. Has one of your boyfriend’s best friends ever tried to get with you? Again, single, but for previous ones, no anyway. Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? No. Have any of your friends ever overdosed? I think so, but none died, thankfully. The last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Ummmm probably something for school. How many friends on Facebook do you have? 118. What age is the oldest you would date at the moment? It'd take me seriously liking someone to go slightly beyond 30. Do you want to be single? I don't know. I don't really know if I'm "fit" to be in a relationship right now, like I know I gotta figure shit out, but I think it's natural to want that companionship some days. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Well, I guess it depends on the emotion, but honestly, I don't think so, in most cases. Who did you last share a bed with? Sara. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? Not in an ambulance, no. What are you listening to right now? An '80s-ish/synthwave cover of "Disturbia" by Rihanna. I've been on a total binge of this kinda stuff lately. Ever been on a golf cart? Ye. Do you have trust issues? Yep. Do you own something from Hot Topic? I think most of my shirts are from there. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? No. Do you have a little sister? Damn, not so little anymore. Turned 22 a few days ago. Have you ever been to New York? The state, yes. City, no. Do you actually read privacy policies when signing up for new things? Nope. Did you have a lot of birthday parties when you were younger? If so, did you invite everyone in the class? I mean, define "a lot?" I did once every year... and no. I was selective. Have you ever participated in one of those “guess how many jelly beans, mints, etc. are in this jar!” contest? If so, have you ever won? PTSD is fuckin weird. I have, and I get anxious and uncomfortable just seeing them. The very last time I hung out w/ Jason was at his brother's wife's baby shower, and something like that was there. Shitty fuckin day. Can you juggle? No. Do you live on an avenue, road, drive or something else? Road. What are your school colors? N/A Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little? Yeah, I think my sisters and I did that every year? What is the population of the city you live in? Google says around 5.5k. Do you like Nerds candy? Yeah man. What’s your favourite flavour of soda, pop or whatever else you call it? Blue raspberry. What level of brightness do you usually keep your phone at? It's on about 70% during the day, and I lower it to about 20% when I'm about to go to bed. Have you ever attended a religious or private school? My previous school was a private & religious college. Do you have any pets and are they cuddly? My cat is STUPID cuddly. Absolute attention hog. My snake seems to enjoy attention, though I wouldn't define snakes as "cuddly;" their brains don't know what affection really is, which I think is mandatory in that definition. She does love to lie against me on the bed, though, when I take her out to let her wander. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? All three of my jobs have sucked, but considering I lasted in a deli not even two hours, probs that. How many cars does your household own? One. Are there any cracks or scuffs on your phone? No. This shit is literally a Tracphone yet is incredible man, I've dropped it a good few times and it's a great phone. What’s your favourite meat? Out of most forms, probably pork, which I really wish wasn't true. I adore pigs. Or maybe chicken. Which I still feel bad about. Do you need glasses to read or drive or need them all the time? I always need them. Is the internet fast where you live? It's fine. What is your favourite meal of the day and why? Breakfast has the best options and makes me look forward to the morning lmao. Do you like long surveys or short surveys better? Ha ha, obviously long, seeing as I compile shorts ones into these larger ones. I do it because I feel individually posting with EVERY one I pick out would get annoying. Have you ever been to a cocktail bar? No. What’s the best amusement park you’ve ever visited? Disney World. Do you keep the cabinets in your kitchen and bathroom organized? More so in the kitchen. Have you ever had a romantic fling? No. Are you a very forgetful person? To a frightening point. Are your parents married or divorced? They're divorced. Do you believe in Heaven? Not the Christian one, but I do lean towards there being some peaceful existence after death. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? That's obviously the best part. Do you read blogs? No. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? I pretty much have before? Worn guy's pants and unisex or men's shirts before, I'm sure. Ever been involved with the police? No. What's your favorite shampoo/conditioner and soap? Idk, I'm just very used to Suave. Their body wash smells amazing. Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? HELL NO. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl it. Favorite restaurant? Olive Garden is GOOD SHIT. Have you watched Tiger King yet? Christ, no, and I sure am tired of seeing it everywhere online. Do you try to do something significant and meaningful every day? It's quite clear I don't, even though I really, really want to. What is your favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni. What was the name of the first pet that you loved? Chance. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown. Does anyone know who your first crush was? yeah. Who was your first celebrity crush? Whew, Jesse McCartney, lads. Have you ever had to use an epi pen? No, thankfully. What color was your first phone? Navy, I think. Do you know anyone with Down’s syndrome? Not anyone personally. How much do you weigh (only answer if comfortable)? I'm not comfortable. Have you ever been overweight? I have been since 2016. What color is your Christmas tree? Green. What color Christmas tree do you want to have in your house someday? UGGGGHHHHHHH give me a black one with fake snow on it. Omg. What color house did you grow up in? Uhhhh... I think it was white? I should know this. Have you ever been baptized? If so, how and where? Yes, when I was a baby at the Catholic church I grew up going to. What type of wedding do you want? Give it a gothic vibe ok. Are you taller or shorter or the same height as your mom? We're the same height. What is your heritage? German, Irish, and Polish. Are you excited for the upcoming summer season? Ugh, no. Not at all. At. All. Do you like crackers with your soup? No. Which ex of yours means the most to you? Depending on which way you mean, Jason or Sara. What is something that never fails to make you feel accomplished? Do a decent amount of cleaning. How do you feel about nudity, in person? Uh???? What exactly do you mean by "in person"???? I guess it depends on who, the situation, and location??? Have you taken prescription medications that didn't belong to you? Pain medicine, yes. Do wooded areas freak you out in the evening or night? I mean, to a reasonable degree, I guess. Obviously being in the wild in the dark is dangerous. Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle? No. Do you iron any of your clothes? No. Can you sleep in an unmade bed? Yeah. Did the house you grew up in have a big yard? It was p good. What has been the most difficult class you’ve ever taken? Probably Latin. What was the last website you were on, before this one? I was on Facebook. Is your hometown famous for anything? No. What are some things a house would need to have for you to purchase it? I'm personally very serious about a dishwasher and laundry room. Other than that I'm... kinda blanking? Like I'm not that picky as for what the house HASSSSSS to have, besides those. Well, two bathrooms would be great. What was the last thing you heated up in your microwave? A pancake+sausage on a stick thing for breakfast. When was the last time your internet stopped working? It was having a temper yesterday. Did you ever watch Phil of the Future? Not very much, and never really by choice. Nicole would watch it sometimes though. Were you born somewhere other than a hospital? No. What was the last flavor of ice cream you had? Vanilla. Do you have an online game that you play often? None at the very moment because my personal gaming laptop has been kaput for well over a month now. Maybe close to even two. Is there a trash can near you? No. Have you ever shared sleeping accommodations with someone of the opposite sex without anything steamy happening? No. Is there a fan going in the room you’re in? Yeah, beside me.