#ik i didnt think so all day but. i dont actually remember those parts. thats. thats pretty neat

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

hello hello hello i just remembered that my english teacher told me a week ago that she's interested in my writing and sent her my two (currently) best short stories with a very polite unnecessarily elaborate message i just Did that i did do that are you proud of me

[smengus]

favorite kpop songs of 2017 from a fan who got into kpop the beginning of this year

aye!! 2018 is almost here, and i have been DYING to make a favorite songs/mvs in kpop of this year thing. it has been a fucking ride let me tell you.... first things first, just to celebrate this year and give myself some leeway, there will be 17 songs!! and they are in no particular order!! i am not a favorites person, i have too much love in my pitiful heart.... anyway, lets start!!

17. movie - btob (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42A-rFdralM)     there are many things i love about this song. i got into kpop quite literally the very beginning of this year, and thats wild, but this song was one of the first of many i had heard, and didnt know much about then but love now. i specifically remember going through that one hot 100 kpop song playlist on youtube and finding this one, and instantly love it. its one of the classics of this years, and def opened my mind to a lot more. 

love’s like a movie~

16. really really - winner (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tBnF46ybZk)    ohhhhh my god i could go on and on about this song. out of all the wonderful kpop songs weve been blessed with this year, this is the one that’s consistently stuck, and everyone knows it. its just that song. the music video is gorgeous and diverse but so simplistic with the black and white. dare i say its iconic; all of it.

널 좋아해~

15. rookie/red flavor/peek-a-boo - red velvet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0h8-OTC38I) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyiIGEHQP8o) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uJf2IT2Zh8)    ok, so yall are gonna hate me for literally putting all of their 2017 title tracks but oh my god... every single comeback they had this year was amazing, and id feel like id be playing someone if i just chose one or the other. like most sm groups, its not hard to absolutely love all of their songs. but in terms of aesthetic, sound, and all around look, red velvet killed it this year. so there. hope yall are satisfied with this.

peek a booooo~

14. fine - taeyeon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHXUM-6a3dU)    to keep this b/b/g/g pattern going, im choosing this one next and dear lord. this is another song id heard in the very beginning, and i was... frankly i was shocked. like, btob was surprising, but it was what i expected it be: boy group, fun, catchy, etc., but with taeyeon... god, her voice and the whole video... i was tearing up, not gonna lie. the lyrics especially got to me. its been in most of my playlists consistently this year, and i cant say the rest of the album isnt a must listen, just a recommendation from me personally.

its not fine~

13. dramarama - monsta x (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1afdZk0qcI)

 ok, i had a hard time on this one. its common knowledge they went through 3 major comebacks this year, all of which were amazing, but originally, beautiful is what stuck with me. i love the heck out of that song. then dramarama dropped a little over a month ago and... lets just say thats what convinced me to finally start stanning them for real. i have a thing for story driven music videos (bonus points if the story is actually mad good), so combine that with the absolutely amazing song and choreography, and you get their best comeback yet. honestly, it was so good, i urge yall to check it out if you havent.

dramama ramama ramama hey~

12. cherry bomb - nct 127 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkuHLzMMTZM)

 this song... THIS SONG... oh my god. i dont have an in depth discussion over the music video or the song or any of it but good lord... if youve heard it you know what im talking about. its another one of THOSE songs. its too bad it was generally slept on, but god... can i add i also love the choreography??? like a lot???? im the biggest hit on this stage~

11. palette - iu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9IxdwEFk1c)

 yall KNOW i wasnt gonna put this one off any longer. this is also the song that got me to start stanning this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, spectacularly awesome woman. she’s great. and this comeback?? ive easily listened to the whole album about 50+ times. i was going to put ending scene instead since i adore that one too, but this is the one that really stuck out to everyone. aesthetics?? on point. lyrics?? poetic. voice?? like an angel. lmao, i really love iu...

i like it, im 25~

10. as if its your last - blackpink (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Amq-qlqbjYA)

 ok the best part about this one was... since i was a new baby fan, at the time, the only group i really like, stanned, was bts. but i wasnt shut off from the rest of the music community tho, ofc. thats what im truly into kpop for: the music. so duh, i knew about blackpink and their bops (whistle was a personal favorite of mine). but for some reason, over time, they casually just became another group i was into? like, i knew the names, voices, roles, songs, etc.. so when i heard they were having a summer comeback, while i was free from school no less, i was ecstatic. i rewatched the teaser several times, stayed up and hyped with people online. and it finally dropped and instantly became my favorite song by them. its so goooood. my wife lisa, like, yas baby slay that rap while looking cute af. i love it very much, and im sure other blinks do too.

blackpink in your area~

9. dont wanna cry - seventeen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97cx53Tpp6g)

 yeahhh, im not gonna choose their most recent comeback for this one, sorry guys... its a good song, dont get me wrong but! this one is the one lmao. its so fucking beautiful. when i watched the mv for the first time, i was in awe cause the choreo was so good, and so different from what i had seen before, but it went with the song so well. its a very good listen.

울고 싶지 않아~

8. move - taemin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcEyUNeZqmY)

 yes. yes. yes. this song??? yes. oh my god. so, this next bit is gonna be a bit sad (to read and to write), but just because an explanation is needed for each of these... im a shawol. i was the second i watched 1 of 1. and god, it still hurts so much to think of what happened? but, this explanation is taemin. so, i was into shinee, period. i knew taemin was a solo artist. i dont know why i wasnt paying close attention to it, but one day move just like, dropped. out of nowhere. and i went ‘where tf...?’ and watched it and OH MY GOD. i cant convey on here well enough, but bitch, i rewatched that shit repeatedly. the song was constantly replayed, and it finally pushed me to take the step and go back and listen to all his other stuff (which i love). its just so... androgynous and he dont give a flying fuck how he looks, dances, or sounds, and i adore it. definitely another THAT song of this year, dear lord.

youve got got the rhythm~

7. 1+1=0 - suran (ft. dean) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA6G74gk6R8)

 ok, i was torn over this one. i bet everyone and their mother knows her for her “collab” with my boy suga, if i get drunk today. and YES!! THAT IS AN AMAZING SONG AND IM STILL SO PROUD OF BOTH OF THEM. but bitch, this had dropped sometime whenever, idk when since i dont stan and her, and i saw it on youtube and thought  ‘shes the suga girl, i wonder if thisll be good’. i was so surprised when i listened to it. the music video?? snatched. the song?? snatched. wig?? bitch its gone. lets just say, first listen, i had already loved it way more than the song i originally knew her by. 

1 plus 1은 0~

6. ddd - exid (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axVvZrDz60k)

 i put this one off long enough too. and this is obviously a very split opinion. they also dropped night rather than day which i am also 100% over the moon for. but god, i love sexy exid. and that is exactly what this comeback was. sexy, powerful, and aesthetically catchy as hell. (btw, exid is another group i actually stan, so i had been anticipating this one; i watched it while i was at school dusbgukg). so sad solji couldnt physically make it this comeback, but she was in the album, and that was enough for us. still wishing her the best recovery!

덜덜덜덜~

5. dont recall - kard (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41Dp7Q-SM1Y)

 oh kard. the group that had millions of fans before they even debuted... they gave us many tasty treats this year, all of which were total bops, but dont recall... bruh, its just stuck with me. i still know all the others, but when i think kard i immdiately think the of the legendary beat drop tied with the beautiful mv of dont recall. also another THAT song, no doubt. sorry i dont have much for this one, i dont know much about kard, but this song has personally been a go to of mine for the past many months. 

그만해 i dont recall~

4. ko ko bop - exo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdssuxDdqKk)

 lmao, you will not catch me in a 10 mile radius even THINKING about power. i drink to forget. its cute and all but... mmmm.... ANYWAY. im gonna be totally honest, i really love their 2016 year in terms of music more than i did this one (lotto, lucky one, monster, etc., etc., etc.,) BUT! out of the comebacks they had this year, i am 100% 10x more into ko ko bop. not gonna lie, i didnt dig it at first listen. but a little later, i tried it again and... hooo boy, what a good song. i dont know anything knowledge based about music or music production, but i know that ko ko bop is a good song. very good.

shimmy shimmy ko ko bop~

3. gashina - sunmi (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur0hCdne2-s)

 ok. OK! so... yall gonna hate me, but i intentionally put off listening to this for the longest time. why?? i have no clue, its a great song. but i did. so by the time mama 2017 (IK THAT LATE) came around and i found out my boy taemin would be doing a collab stage with sunmi i was like... ‘ok i need to know who this girl is...’ i FINALLY sat my butt down and watched it and BITCH. okokokok, scroll back up, skim that taemin one, and imagine all those feelings, except like, gay. like, instead of thinking it was inspiring, i was just thirsting and being absolutely in love because holy shit everything about the song and the video are perfect????? THE LYRICS THOUGH TOO??? absolute women power i was 100% there for jesus christ.  왜 예쁜 날 두고 가시나~ 2. snow - zion.t (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiGSDywrX1Y)    this song made me cry :( straight up, when i first watched it, i cried so much. it got even worse the second go round when i knew the lyrics. its so.... beautiful. im a big fan of zion.t as well, so this was no disappoint for me. i luv it... and fun fact, its my favorite music video ever, kpop or not. im very into cinematography and photography so it was such a treat to watch it. youd have to watch it for yourself to know what i was talking about. 

눈이 올까요~

1. anything from bts this year (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBdVXkSdhwU << this is dna just cause i dont wanna post 3 songs lol)

 yall honest to god probably hate me. ‘we just read this whole list to get a biased, lazy ass answer?!?!’ but hear me out... lmao thats all i got. bts is my ult group, but ult group or not, every single thing they dropped this year was spectacular. truly honest to god, its probably been their best year yet. jk, idk about that, 2015 and 2016 were pretty good. BUT STILL. spring day, not today, dna (lots of ayes), ALL OF IT SO FUCKING GOOD. gosh, i love them...

 dna~

well, thats all of them! keep in mind, this is a personal opinion thing, and there many, many, MANY songs of this year i loved, but this is a list and its gotta end somewhere, so i chose the ones that really stood out to ME. this was probably a waste of time, and bet this gets no notes, but in my heart, it was worth it. i love writing and ranting out my thoughts. this was my first year in kpop, and while yes, there were a few devastating and heart breaking moments that im still not fine about, it was good. my friends are gonna hate me, but this is just one of many years to come of me being into this shit. hope next year delivers as good as this one did. happy new years kpop fans!

[zofias]

tod spoliers 

ever since i finished tower of dawn i’ve been wanting to write down my thoughts about it so here goes nothing lmao feel free to ignore this 

ok so tod started off pretty nicely sjm laid out the southern continent very descriptively and i was thoroughly invested bc well i was totally excited to read tod from the start and when i finally got my hands on it i was ready but not ready lol my emotions about it are just all over the place basically 

anyways i really enjoyed the aspects of the southern continent and the history of it the story of the khagans and how they are chosen was interesting the whole khagan gets to choose which child he/she wants as his/her heir was smth i got truly interested in bc its always the first born child who gets to take the crown or w/e so that was a nice change and the siblings that were introduced in tod were all dissimilar they all had such strengths to be heirs since they all specialized/lead different things like hasar had armadas and lead them sartaq had his aerial army kashin was a solider and controlled the armies on land arghun had his network of spies like i enjoyed that they all were individually so powerful i guess like thru each chapter you’d think the khagan would choose a different sibling but i was really happy that sartaq was chosen tho i did kinda feel like he would end up being heir like it became a bit obvious bc he seemed to be the one who took a stand and was like imma leave if you dont help aelin and co. 

ok lets move onto yrene towers at first i didnt know how to feel about her only bc we didnt get into her character as much yet but when she went to see chaol and nesryn for the first time i was literally laughing also idk why but the dynamic between her chaol in that first meeting made just go yup they gonna fall in love im a sucker for haters to lovers trope ok she literally despised him for a good few chapters lol yrene is freaking amazing and so badass her story was smth i really enjoyed i was really interested in her powers and all about the healers she wanted to make a difference and help her ppl and she got her wish in the end what was really cool about her was that she taught young ppl self defense even tho she knew not so much she wanted to give those girls a change to fight back and when the torre was attacked she knew how frightened that made them and made chaol come teach bc he’d be a good distraction from all the horrors i just really loved the way her mind works she was invested in the art of healing so thoroughly and yrene never backed down she was so determined to find answers like i loved her so much she was amazing slm may have faults but the way she writes female characters is really empowering LISTEN I NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW YRENE PUSHED HASAR INTO THE WATER i legit started laughing so hard like i needed that it was so good yrene is everything if you dont want to read this book bc of chaol read for yrene ok that’s all im going to say yrene was wonderful 

chaol westfall my first thought about him was ‘my baby i hope you heal and get to fight again’ like reading about how much he didnt like it in his chair was really sad i mean i get it chaol was always really determined and he like being ready to fight and then he lost movement in his legs and his world turned upside down like when yrene was healing him and he was feeling all the darkness and remembering what his father did to him when i read that his father literally pushed/threw him out of the house made me tear up chaol hit his head hard and the son of a bitch father didnt even let chaol’s mother come to him and terrin saw and chaol felt guilty for leaving him i just was so hurt reading that and also few guards helped him leave anielle and his damn father banished them to the mountains like i hated chaol’s father and now i just cant the darkness chaol had in him was so much did he hate himself? i think so but he was so angry and things were haunting him it just made my heart hurt i loved tower of dawn bc we got to see everything about chaol what he felt what he realized it was really good throughout he kept thinking about dorian and always was so loyal to him i love it when they reunite i need sjm to have them hug for a good hour or more tbh like its needed what also made my heart shatter was what he felt for aelin in his darkness you can see how he loved her and his hate for her too like i dont know how to explain it it made me feel idk his darkness was terrible and at some parts i had to put the book down to stop feeling too much idk chaol has gone through so much and it was nice to see what he felt he conquered his darkness and realized and accepted himself his journey was rough but he found himself i was so excited to read this book only bc of him he has always been one of my fav book characters and this made me love him so much more 

CHAROENE???? i dont know chaol and yrene’s shipname but imma tell you i love them together their dynamic was wonderful they slowly became friends and trusted one another they had to somewhat quickly open up to one another bc it was the only way chaol was going to heal physically and emotionally i enjoyed seeing how they developed their relationship it was nice chaol deserved to love someone who cared for him so much my favorite part was when they got into a fight and yrene was walking away and chaol wanted to go after so he willed himself to walk ever so slightly and as he was somewhat getting closer to yrene she began teasing him and moving away to make him walk more it was so cute i liked their relationship a lot they both felt equally comfortable to talk to one another and it was like a balance you know what actually my fav part was their day out in the city when they just rode horses and yrene was healing ppl it was sweet and calm and when they went out to eat just the two of them with no agenda they both deserved smth like that i loved it ik most ppl are going to say sjm wanted to just pair everyone off with a love interest but i love these two it was unexpected esp the fact that they are linked to each other and they’re married!! but i love it im a sucker for that bond stuff ok this relationship made me love tod so much 

nesryn faliq when she was first introduced in queen of shadows i was 50/50 on how i felt about her like i liked her but also somewhat didnt but let me tell you tod made me love her chaol was an idiot for using her as he did and she realized it and it seemed she was ok with it but i loved that she got to have her adventure i loved that she got to return to home and see her family she got to explore the lands of antica with sartaq and kadara what made me like her more was that she was didnt let opportunities pass her by she decided to go with sartaq and find her adventure on her own tho i did sort of predict that her and sartaq were going to become a thing after their little flight on kadara in the beginning idk it just seemed like they would be a thing which they did but i liked it she deserved someone like sartaq there was a lot of mutual respect in their relationship which i admired i loved that thru nesryn we got to learn more about antica and the history and everything like its her home and we got to see what she felt and loved about it that was my favorite thing i also loved that she got her own ruk!! AND NESRYN CAN SING that was so amazing like it adds so much more to her i love her 

a few other things one FUCKING MAEVE IS A VALG QUEEN I HATE HER like that made me so mad and now i want to know how everyone will react to this and what they will do i hope aelin NO ROWAN RIPS HER TO SHREDS another thing lysandra and falkan being her uncle was amazing i loved that we got to learn somewhat as to how lysandra got her powers butterfly the horse made this book a million times better again yrene pushing hasar into the water was hilarious hasar deserved it lmao i really wished someone did smth like to arghun kadara deserves appreciation for being an awesome ruk when she got trapped in the spiderweb i was a wreck also again MAEVE IS A VALG QUEEN what on earth and duva being possessed by valg and throwing her younger sister off a balcony i cried and duva was pregnant that was just so sad im so happy that yrene saved her life im happy that one else died i mean chaol came close obviously again and yrene and him are now linked which is cool but also like terribly dangerous i want to see what sjm is going to do with that the healers were so cool i loved reading about the torre and the origins and everything i hope we get to see more about them yrene is bringing hundreds of them with her so it could be a possibility there was just so much going on in this book lmao

i know i just hit the surface with a lot of this but i really wanted to get my view on the three mains out chaol yrene and nesryn are amazing and you know what i loved that this book was about them finding out where they fit into this war thats booming chaol was uncertain and felt he had nothing to offer bc he was injured but realized that the chair wasnt limiting him but he himself was nesryn found that she can be her own adventure she found that her home country was her place yrene discovered that her powers could save people who are possessed by the valg and that was epic i loved that this book was more about all these characters discovering who they are rather than anything else i loved it so much i was so excited for it and it didnt disappoint me 

if you read my stupid rambling i am so grateful for you haha thank you if you want to leave your opinion go right ahead whether it agrees with mine or not im up for anything lmao also there are probably so many spelling errors im so sorry lol 

~EDIT~ UM I FORGOT TO ADD ABOUT THE FIREHEART CHAPTER I COULDNT HANDLE IT IT RUINED ME OK IM JUST NOT OK AND THE FACT THAT MAEVE HAS AND MAEVE IS VALG MAKES EVERYTHING WORSE I JUST THIS IS TERRIFYING AELIN BETTER BE OKAY I NEED HER TO BE OKAY!!! 

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 90  (Life these days in general..Part 1)

Wow 90! So i don���t usually count every day and all. Usually count the days all over again when I sit to post. I felt like blogging today! nothing about the specific day but just life in general. me blabbering :) 

hmph so lets see what do i have to say.

Okay so um. well ever since Ramadan was over i never really got back to sleeping at night and all, usually stay up till fajr. i did sleep though for like um around 3 nights but anyways that didnt work out. now this went further to me staying up even after fajr um not willingly though but mostly cause i couldnt sleep. like i used to try but i couldnt. and then it was cause i used to work out after fajr. well then i kind of was able to fall asleep after fajr so yeah i mostly stay up till fajr but um till i ‘pray’ fajr i mean and after praying tahajjud i get really lazy and pray fajr a bit late. just a bit. Oh my gosh! i talk so much... all i wanted to say was i go to sleep after praying fajr nowadays Ughhh the end! but today i have to - i repeat - HAVE TO - stay up. its not an option but more like an obligation cause i didnt work out today but i have to or else that “roughly” losing 1 kg per week thing is going to get screwed! 

So yeah you can see. i am SO lazy. that even if i HAVE TO do something, i will delay it till the last moment - a perfect procrastinator :) 

Oh also today was so ()*$&Q%(&%)(*@()$)W($. I had an appointment in the morning so had to get up, turns out i have some mild UTI ._. but the doctor doesnt think that is the reason why my labs say bacterial infection. so now i have to see a hematologist. like UGH i really am sick and tired of going to docs -_- 

Oh what else about my days. Oh ya! So Idk I get really scared when i think of studies. Its kinda like i feel really useless and worthless. like i dont know anything, i dont remember anything and all that. SO theres this fear and for that i decided to revise everything this summer and well also i need to start doing it anyways cause of the international exams ill be having to give. Ill talk about those in another post some other time when its relevant but for now. its just that. im so worried ill be in a mess when uni starts, cause i dont remember anything i learned in med school. plus feeling low because of it and all. Like i really need to build up a LOT & LOT of confidence and the only way i can is by actually knowing my shit & that is by spending some time studying and all. it would really help me a lot - and by help i dont mean ‘help academically by nailing it when uni starts’ but i mean “mentally”; to boost my confidence and all and since its all in the hospital now, i really need to be confident and have a strong personality and believe in myself and all or else im dooomed. 

ok so yes i try to spend time studying. that makes working out and studying my priorities. working out is something i can not do overnight and that is why im kind of doing it better than the studying. Although im very very lazy about working out too though. What drives me to try my best doing both of these is that if i dont, it will eat me up! make me depressed and feel low and i dont want to knowingly do damage to myself considering the weekly mood swings and episodes of extreme darkness i experience anyways and its out of my hands to control that. 

so yessss, i work out and whenever i do, i make sure its THREE hours. like i said earlier, i prioritise time more than the speed of the treadmill but i try to increase it though a little but not much cause i always keep thinking of last summer when i got diagnose by rheumatoid after i used to do 4.5 hours of treadmill a day at a quite moderate speed, not so low. 

also i dont workout everyday duh, i try my best to do at least 3 days per week, 3 hours each day. and the other times, i study. i use ‘first aid for usmle 2017′ as the main source and ‘pathoma’. and yeah dr google :) 

Other than that, i go outside for shopping. i mean the past month weve been going for shopping a lot, sometimes even 2 or even 3 malls a day cause my brothers going to leave soon and theres so much to buy and all. well now almost have everything pretty much. so i dont go outside every single day since last week but before that id go every single day.

other times i spend with my mom, i mean shes working like 24 7 gosh so like i stand next to her or sit and stuff and just idk do nothing or talk sometimes, and laugh and blabla. 

oh i kind of like staying away from my phone. its peaceful. i mean not like i even so anything on my phone other than go through like 4 social media apps - insta, snapchat, tumblr and twitter. just randomly scroll scroll scroll switch app and repeat scrolling xD but then like when youre literally away from the phone, it feels good :) although idk whenever i sit to study i automatically take the phone, i mean scrolling through apps doing nothing is actually WAY more interesting than even attempting to read a line from the book ._. so i kind of need to turn off my phone sometimes, but mostly i end up scrolling :) :) :) :) 

Aha so thats pretty much what i do entire day. lol ? What is it that i do ? :3 nothing ik :) 

i am not currently really interested in watching any series all day. i only watch series while im on the treadmill! 

GOD I talk so much, i still have so much to write about but i gta go now! :) 

xox

[kaialone]

I’m gonna ramble about Ganon(dorf) for a bit

Proceed if you’re interested (I wrote a lot)

Okay so I don’t even know how to start this, I’ll just go.

(note that I’ll mention the timeline in this, please dont think that I dont know that the timeline could be changed at any moment should nintendo feel ike it, I just like semi-going by currently established canon. Also please note that I got no problem with people who dont feel like following the timeline for any reason, to each their own.)

I kinda really like the fact that Ganondorf is said to be a reincarnation of Demise, because, idk, somehow the idea of powerful demons needing to reincarnate into human form for some reason, and then once they have this form and live that life they start having human feelings and emotions and start struggling with what they want to be and maybe end up becoming good guys, is just somethign I really enjoy.

(If that sounds weirdly specific, Great Demon King Piccolo from Dragonball is one character with that kinda arc that I love.)

And then of course, one of the most interesting things about Ganondorf, imo, is how in the three different timeline branches, you got one incarnation of Ganondorf who turns out very different in each branch.

Something I always like is to just kinda, look at the different “last words” Ganondorf has in each timeline branch, and what they really mean for each of them:

"The wind... it is... blowing."

“I am the Evil King, Ganon...”

“The history of light and shadow will be written in blood!”

(though this gets a bit muddled in the Downfall Timeline, as technically Ganon died in ALttP, but was revived in OoX,´, which I see as his true death for now, but then again we dunno if any Ganons after that where him revived or reborn so *shrug*)

But first we should talk about the guy that “grows up” to be these other three.

I mean, personally I think no matter how you look at it, OoT!Ganondorf did lots of bad stuff, and wasnt a good ruler to the Gerudo (I dont mind different interpretations at all though), but I do think his initial intentions were good like we hear him talk about in WW, but lets not get ahead of ourselves here.

OoT!Ganondorf doesn’t really end up helping the Gerudo once he actually takes over Hyrule (all the Gerudo are still over in the desert, cept for maybe Iron Knuckles) and its heavily implied all the Gerudo were brainwashed to some extent (The carpenters note that the Gerudo seem nicer, post-Twinrova’s defeat), and Nabooru, who was very respected among the Gerudo, was explicitly against Ganondorf, but then brainwashed into submission.

Like even if you think Twinrova did all that without him knowing, not noticing your parents brainwashing your people doesnt exactly make you a good leader.

Adding to that, if A Link to the Past’s backstory is to be believed (and the timeline is not said to split until Link falls in the final battle) then, Ganondorf entered the hiding place of the Triforce alongside fellow thieves of his, and ended up killing them all so he could have the Triforce for himself.

Buuut before you think I’m just gonna talk about how bad OoT!Ganondorf is, like, I still think he genuinely wanted to help his people (at first) and that everything WW!Ganondorf says does represent his true feelings, and that at some point, he just really wanted to do something good.

I think its interesting to think about why that presumably changed for a while, wether you think its the usual getting mad with power, getting to close to the “dark side” or whatever with all the dark magic going on, or being groomed into this role by Twinrova, or all of that, or something else entirely.

I mean, he definitely did some bad stuff before that too, but in the context of Ganondorf being a reincarnation of Demise, I wonder if it could be possible that either seeing Link and/or Zelda or laying eyes on the Triforce ended up having some effect on him, like awakening some part of Demise within him so to speak, contributing to him losing sight of his initial goals and getting more about power in general.

Notably post timeskip Ganondorf seems to use a lot more monsters/dmemons to do his bidding than before, but this could easily just be the difficulty spike for the player.

Idk if this sounds cheap to people somehow, but I remember a popular theory being that the Triforce of Power turned him evil so, its not that different imo.

Of course, in the final battle we see OoT!Ganondorf become Ganon, presumably for the very first time, but honestly? The transformation itself isn’t that important to me, as it just feels like a visual representation of the downfall Ganondorf had undergone already anyway.

And then, when he is defeated, he infamously curses Link, and ZELDA, and THE SAGES, vowing to kill their descendants once he breaks free from the seal and all...

...which leads into who is everyone’s favorite Ganondorf, and rightfully so, WW!Ganondorf.

Before going into the present day of WW, there is its backstory, which is very interesting to me, cause you just gotta think, how do we go from a guy like OoT!Ganon to WW!Ganon?

At some point after OoT but before WW, Ganondorf’s threat became reality, he broke out of the seal and tried taking over Hyrule once more.

But I cant help but wonder how it mustve felt for him. I picture him for years, decades, centuries maybe, sealed away, picturing his revenge, imagining how great it’ll feel to get free and eradicate the descendants of Link and Zelda, and finally making Hyrule his.

But when he was freed, he likely found a Hyrule that was different from how he remembered it. Notably, there would be no hero, nor descendants of his for him to exact revenge upon. And while we know that a princess seems to have had existed at the time, who knows if she was “a Zelda”, if you wanna call them that.

I just imagine it wouldve felt a lot less satisfying that he imagined, heck, probably wouldve felt more like he was robbed if his chance to take revenge.

And who knows what even happened to the Gerudo by that point? I know lack of them in Wind Waker doesnt mean they are extinct, but for all we know they couldve left hyrule altogether? (Like they seem to have done between OoT and TP, and mightve done post OoT in the Downfall timeline, if you dont think they went extinct)

Overall I could see what Ganondorf mightve pictured/wanted to be his most glorious moment, his long awaited return, mightve just ended up feeling kinda empty.

Not that I think he wouldve done a complete 180 already because of that, but I could see it leaving him in a bit of a shock.

Adding to that, now just as he is about to conquer Hyrule for real, the gods decide to destroy it, essentially. Or at least, thats how Ganondorf felt about the situation, given how he speaks of it in the game. Its like the gods are playing with him, everytime Hyrule is just within his graps, they take it from him.

The flood mustve felt especially terrible for him, cause the way he saw it, it mustve been something like the goddesses saying “we’d rather just end hyrule and kill all its people than have you be its ruler”. What a slap in the face, to put it lightly.

After that, getting sealed away again, and all the stuff I mentioned above, probably gave him time and opportunity to reflect upon his life so far, and the future too.

I dont think that in WW, Ganondorf was just “going through the motions”, and just trying to finish what he started because he had no choice at this point. I do think he still genuinely wanted to try and conquer Hyrule, its just that he has had some time to think about it, a bit more about why he wanted it, and about what he did wrong before, and regretting those mistakes.

Like for example, he really doesnt seem like he wants to harm Link and Zelda anymore, if he can help it. He could be hating them, still furious for what happened during OoT, but he doesnt seem to be.

One of these days I wanna talk about all the contrasts and parallels WW seems to draw to Zelda games that came before it, especially OoT, but for this bit I just wanna mention this one thing.

How in OoT you confront Ganondorf, who smugly plays his leitmotif on the organ, the sound of which growing louder the further you approach his chamber. His back pointed at the entrance which he knows the hero will emerge from. Zelda, encase in a crytal, hangs above him like a trophy, like the hero bait she is to him at this point.

And then in WW, his leitmotif plays in his final dungeon, but actually grow more quiet the closer you get to him. That already makes you feel like, while it invokes OoTs atmoosphere, it actually turns it on its head. And then, when you do cofront him, “Zelda” is instead peacefully sleeping in a bed, (presumably Ganondorfs bed?) with him calmly sitting by her side, watching over her. He doesn’t face Link directly as he enters, but isnt completely turned away from his either.

Of course this scene still has some creepy atmosphere to it, especially when he starts reading her mind, but maaaan, the contrast to OoT (and games that came before it) just GETS ME everytime I just think about it.

Ahhh, I could go on and on like, you all know this stuff, you all thought about him in this game so much, didnt you?

I really hope nintendo will choose to give another Ganondorf this kinda depth, and maybe even just play with the idea of Ganondorf taking on a different role than “final boss” in a Zelda title. I would love that.

Now, let’s turn the clock wayyy back to when Ganon fought Link, and talk about the timeline that occurs when Link is actually killed by him.

To me, this is kinda of the “original” timeline, for various reasons, but I don’t wanna distract from our main man here too long.

In this version of the events, Ganon manages to actually aquire the full Triforce in the final battle of OoT, and causes quite a bit of misery before the Sages finally manage to seal him away in this version, too. But because he is so powerful with the Triforce and all that, it ends up costing a lot more lives to finally get to that point.

Now from that point on, this Ganon seems to just kinda rule the Dark World, a twisted “evil” version of Hyrule of his own creation. And of course most notably, either because of this worlds properties, or his general state of being, this Ganon seemingly always stays in beast form from that point on.

Sadly this one doesnt talk too much (though he is very much capable of doing so), so we dont get much of a grasp on his character.

To me, ALttP!Ganon feels like somewhere in the middle when it comes to Ganons. Despite his bestial appearance, he doesnt seem as blind with power and rage as TP!Ganondorf, maybe cause he doesnt call himself a god or something. But he of course is nowhere near WW!Ganondorf in terms of reasons and having reflecting upon his past.

Either way, it is clear that he is not happy with just ruling his very own personal Hyrule, filled with damned people that have become monsters like him, as in ALttP he does attempt to break his seal and go back to the World of Light

This might just be out of greed, but you could also imagine he might simply be unhappy in this demonic world, or even scared? Given how we see that some inhabitants of this land lose their humanity to such an extent that they’re turning into things like trees, maybe even completely losing their sense of self?

One of the more curious things about ALttP!Ganon is his relationship to Agahnim. No one is entirely sure what they are to one another.

In some of the mangas, Agahnim is portrayed as a human who gets possessed or turned by Ganon in some shape or form, and this portrayal is popular from what I’ve seen.

But in the actual game, Agahnim is described as being Ganon’s alter-ego. The term used in the japanese version is “bunshin”, which can mean a lot of things, including alter-ego or even reincarnation, but in the context of the Zelda franchise, there is another part in the series where it is used. In Phantom Hourglass, Oshus is described as being the “bunshin” of the Ocean King. So, if we assume Agahnim works the same way, his consiusness would have to be exactly Ganon’s, right? Of course that doesn’t mean other interpretations can’t exist, I myself am not even sure what to think.

The usage of the word bunshin does imply that to some extent, Agahnim literally was a part, or offshot of Ganon. So froma  certain point of view, we could add his character to Ganons, if we wanted to.

Something that intrigues me though is that in the Downfall Timeline, we never see Ganon in human form again. Could this be related to Agahnim? Maybe not exactly literally but symbolIcally?

Did Ganon split the humanity he had left off of himself, because that was the only part of him that could exit the Dark World before the seal was lifted?

If so, did Agahnim dying have any effect on him? Or did whatever Agahnim was in the end just return to him?

So much to think about here, ahh.

Of cours, ALttP!Ganon then gets killed by Link in their battle. Not sealed away, just flat out killed.

Normally this would probably be the end, but of course OoX happened, in which Twinrova tried to revive him, but didnt quite succeed.

Ganon is revived as a seemingly mindless beast, only actualy talking in his final moments, which is the quote from earlier.

In the japanese version, this quote is written entirely in katakana, which can indicate that its pronounced weirdly somehow, in cases like this likely because he had a hard time forming the words at all.

He also refers to himself as a Demon King in japanese, but that term hadn’t caught on in the english versions of the games yet.

Okay so, as I kinda mentioned above, this Ganon’s story gets a bit muddled from this point on.

Sometime after ALttP, but before ALbW, ALbW’s backstory (which is not ALttP) occurs, during which a hero fights a Ganon, who is then sealed away by him, the princess and the sages, but we dont know if this Ganon is the same, just revived again, or an entirely new incarnation.

But you could argue that it hardly matters, cause he barely does anything in the game, essentially acting as a power boost for Yuga...

However, there is a theory that he might do more than that actually.

So, according to this theory, Yuga actually was completely loyal to Hilda, and its only by fusing with Ganon that he starts wanting to betray, due to Ganons influence. The theory is nice in the sense that it makes Yuga more of an opposite of Ganon than he seems if you take the game at face value, and gives Ganon more to do. Depending on your interpretation, Yuga might just be influenced by Ganon, or they literally fuse into a being that is just as much Ganon as it is Yuga.

But of course that is just a minor theory, and you dont have to like it, naturally.

After that we get HF and AoL!Ganon, who is said to be more of a mindless beast as this point, no trace left of the human he used to be.

A rather sad fate.

Again it is unclear if this is the same Ganon, revived yet again, or maybe (anotehr) reincarnation.

But if its the former, you can only assume that, even if you dont think Agahnim dying had any effect on Ganon, just forcing him to ressurect over and over instead of letting him reincarnate properly, must’ve done quite the number on Ganon.

Somehow thinking about this version of Ganon in particular makes me think about the cursed boars in Princess Mononoke, who where lost to their anger. Especially the moment when the Wolf faces the Old Boar, who we have seen slowly lose his self at this point, and she almost pitifully says “Can’t you even speak anymore?” to him.

It almost feels like Downfall Timeline!Ganon is cursed by fate, in a sense. Not really in-universe either, but out of universe too!

History is already written (the first two games are already out) and thus Ganon has to follow the path that is already set for him, become what he will be in the future (what he is in the first two games), a frightening monster that terrorizes this kingdom of Hyrule for the sake of power, with no humanity in him (him having been human wasnt part of his character at the time the first two games where released)

I wonder if the demons failing to get Links blood in 2 will mark the end of this Ganon? (I hope not)

It was kinda nice to see BotW seemingly do somewhat of a modern take on this kinda idea of Ganon, something that has become little more than destruction of Hyrule in pyhsical form. I could see people place BotW as post- AoL for that reason, even.

And well, rolling back time yet again, we go to the last way OoT!Ganondorf turned out, which is TP!Ganondorf...

....who, compared to the others, actually has a bit more of a complicated “set-up” that kickstarts his character.

When Link gets send back in time at the end of OoT, his Tiforce of Courage breaks apart into the pieces we find in WW, presumably because Link was literally removed from that reality as he possessed it?

Then upon his arrival in the new Child Timeline, Link immediately gets the Triforce of Courage of THAT timeline, presumably cause he is in a state of being where he is meant to have a Triforce Piece of Courage?

Well, regardless of what you believe to be the cause, this is what happens, and as a result, the other two Triforce pieces choose Zelda and Ganondorf to bear them and end up residing in them. Thats how the pieces ended up with the three without the Sacred Realm being entered in this version of the events.

Link ends up warning Zelda and the king of the events that will transpire in the future, and thus Ganondorf loses the trust of the king and is unable to set his plan from OoT into motion.

Its a bit vague, but sometime after that Ganondorf starts a direct attack towards Hyrule, but gets captured and put on trial.

And as you know, as he was about to be executed, the Triforce of Power activated and saved him from death.

Now I am not sure if this is true, but I think up until that point, Ganondorf didn’t even know he had it.

But wether he discovered he had it now, or the moment it fist came to him, one thing I am sure of, he mustve felt so great for it. Cause he has no idea that a time travelling Link caused this to happen, right? From his perspective, the power of the gods just came to him like that because he is that great! And then, he cant even die as a result of this? He is literally immortal? Well, he must be the dang chosen one, right?

No wonder he got all god complex in this one!

Something I´m kinda interested in is how this guy spend years, likely centuries, in the Twillight Realm, and if his form in there is any indication, not exactly in physical form either, I mean isnt it implied he HAD to mae use of Zant like that in order to be able to have a physical form like that?

Ultimately TP!Ganondorf just is a lot like OoT!Ganondorf if you think about it, just kinda taken to a more extreme. He is no longer just human, but has transcended humanity much further than OoT!Ganondorf has, and feels superior to everyone because of it.

He is absolute in his own eyes, he is a god, his eventual victory is certain, his battle with the hero just a formality at this point.

And he sticks to that mindset until the very end, even as he is stabbed and fatally wounded by Link. It only makes sense, he couldnt be stopped by this before, why would it stop him now?

Of course the events that follow are rather vague, and people argue about what it means to this day, but I think it ultimately boils down to Ganondorf biting of more than he can chew, overestimating his own power. Or rather, what he thinks is his own power, cause its not even his.

From the moment he was impaled by the sword of the sage, Ganondorf has been a dead man.

He has only been kept alive afterwards through the power of others, the gods, and Zant as well.

This power was not his, and thus it could just leave him just as quick as it came to him.

The imagine of Zant snapping his neck, to me, either just refers to the fact that with Zant dead, who acted as Ganondorf anchor of sorts, Ganondorf himself dies as well, or it refers to the fact that Ganondorf, who saw himself as a god and superior to everything, was ultimately just as much of a mortal and simple being than the very person who worshipped him as a deity the most.

Yes, you could call Zant the very person that made Ganondorf a god in the first place, in more ways than one, so without him, Ganondorf is a god no more. And he dies just like any mortal would.

Ultimately this Ganondorf story feels like a story of hubris.

Simple, but neat.

(Its interesting like, its almost like, TP!Ganondorf was a human who longed to be a god, and WW!Ganondorf was like a god who longed to be human?)

But, do not think it ends here...

We’ve looked at all the people that OoT!Ganondorf grew up to be, but that isn’t all the Ganons there is, the story of Ganon actually continues further down the Child Timeline.

Yes, this brings us to FSA!Ganon, or as I sometimes like to call him, Ganon II.

I understand that most probably never played this game, and I probably won’t blow your minds if I tell you Ganon doesn’t actually do much in this game but, I still like to think about him.

He’s actually a proper reincarnation of TP!Ganondorf, folowing the latter’s death at the end of TP.

From some dialouge in-game we know a little bit about his past. Like his past life, he was a boy born to the Gerudo people, and was named Ganondorf.

Interestingly, in this game, the Gerdudo dont actually say that every 100 years a male child is born, they that every 100 years a “special” child is born, and of course Ganondorf was that special child. They still mention the “only man” part, but it doesnt come up with the “every 100 years” line.

Notably it also doesnt seem that Ganondorf was supposed to be their king, and it doesnt seem like they ever treated him like a king, they only mention he was supposed to be the protector of the Gerudo people and the desert.

This is just speculation, but perhaps, after what happened to the first Ganondorf, the Gerudo people decided it wasnt a good idea to treat the sole male like a king just because.

The Gerudo in the game tell you that the older Ganndorf became, the more twisted and obsessed with power he became, and eventually he started breaking their laws, too.

When he entered the forbidden pyramid, the Gerudo basically considered him banished from their tribe, but also didnt think he would ever survive in there and presumed him to be dead.

The Gerudo in this game really only talk badly about Ganondorf, which probably makes sense if he really just did bad stuff to them, but its a very stark contrast to OoT where the Gerudo seemed to just let Ganondorf get away with everything, kinda.

Something I wonder about if maybe like, Ganondorf wasn’t exactly treated well by the Gerudo, out of fear of him turning out like the old Ganondorf, or if Ganondorf just turned bad all on his own. Or maybe a mixture of both?

What is sorta interesting is the story of how this one came to be Ganon, which is that within the pyramid, he found a certain Trident, which is implied to have caused him to “awake as Ganon”, so to speak, as he picked it up. This is the inscription found with the Trident:

“Seek...you...the world? Seek you...power? Does your...soul...despise peace and...thirst for... more? Does your soul...cry... for...destruction and... conquest? We...grant you...power to ...ruin...the world. The power of...darkness. Evil...spirit of magic trident. You are...the... King of Darkness.“

The trident feels like it has more out of universe meaning than in-universe (though I do headcanon it to be a reincarnated ghirahim somehow, because I can). The trident being a weapon that franchise-wise is heavily associated with Ganon, and notably Ganon only, as Ganondorf is never really seen wielding a literal trident.

This Ganondorf picks up the trident, and with it the legacy of the interpretations of Ganons that came in the games before this one, so to speak.

I´m sorry for this part being so unstructured, but interestingly, Ganondorf is this game is referred to as “ancient demon reborn”, or something like “instrument of evil reborn” in japanese, hinting that even at the time of the game’s release, this Ganon was probably intended to be the reincarnation of a previous evil, likely a previous Ganon, of course.

What I wonder about is how much this Ganon is aware of that, though. When he grew up, becoming more and more twisted, did he know? Did he know he was the reincarnation of a villain that had previously plagued Hyrule? Did he feel his hatred? Did he know whose it was, or did he consider it his own? Or was it simply his own?

And when he picked up the trident, and transformed into a demon beast, did he understand what this meant? What he was? Did he ever obtain any memories of his past self, even?

Something that hints that this /might/ be the case is Shadow Link.

Now Shadow Link is not actually created by the dark mirror from the evil part of Link’s heart as the english localization suggest. Instead its created from the evil part of Ganon’s heart, using the dark mirror. It is said that through the mirror,the hatred and evil of Ganondorf, throughout time, took on the shape of Link. Likely because the hero is a major subject of Ganondorf’s hatred.

The fact that this happened when FSA!Ganon used the mirror, despite himself never having met Link up until that point, hints that he might, at least subconsiously, harbor the memories of his past incarnations?

But really, as usual there is a lot open to interpretation.

I´m just so intrigued, like in this timeline there is a “second Ganon”, a Ganon that came “after”, someone who had to take on this cruel legacy.

And, with that we have now talked about all the Ganon(dorf)s that have existed in the franchise to this day, not counting stuff like BS Zelda and the CDI-Games.

If you stuck around until this point, thank you so much, you’re too kind!

But also thanks to everyone that just skimmed this or looked it over briefly, I hope this wall of text did something for you. 

(Sorry for any typos I... type too fast when I get excited about a topic.)

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 78

Almost 8 years back, when I used to have a HUUUGEE crush on him, we didnt used to talk yet & then we did a litttle - well but like I always used to talk to myself - hold on - no, you must be thinking im crazy - no no - i used to pretend like he was in front of me and i just used to pour my heart out! It used to feel really good. And thennnnn, after we started going out, there were nuuuuumerooouuuus times i got grounded! I used to do the saaaame all those times. Just talk to myself, whatever i want to, whatever comes in my head & & dont get the wrong idea - i didnt use to speak my heart out and it didnt used to feel so good cause i was talking to “myself” BUT i used to do it because i used to imagine HIM in front of me. And yes, i would really pour my heart out to him & yes, it would really feel so good. 

Okay so why I am mentioning it today is because now i caught myself doing the same again! i talk to myself like im talking to him & he’s right here. And i just keep going on and on and on. Lol yeah yeah im a weirdo so here comes the fun and weird - or weirderrrr - part. I sometimes repeat the whole crap i just spoke out all over again. like the whole bunch of crap i just blabbered. I mean idk. Maybe partly cause ik that im just pretending like he is here but he is not, i kind of try to remember what im saying cause im not actually talking to him. and then after im done talking maybe i feel lonely and aware of the fact he is not here and then i try to feel like he is though all over again and then i try hard to remember everything i just said and say it all over again. Lol. idk maybe this is simply the definition of pure madness!

But. It means something to me. It keeps me going! 

Oh about yesterday. I missed out a tiny part of me being happy shopping! I had dad’s credit card to myself lol. So i just had to go to a shop get my stuff and go to the cashier, enter pin and beep beep dad gets a text message of the money he just spent!!!! Haha! Dad was around though, outside the shops

So last night i just couldnt sleep. like i slept an hour and then i woke up and couldnt get back to sleep until like 6am wth. FALLING asleep can be such a struggle. NOT FALLING asleep can be a truggle too which i am really aware of. but like FALLING asleep? Wth? it shouldve been a piece of cake man. LIFE Ugh! 

So i was kinda tired the whole day

I ate real food today. Most days i only live on apples and almonds and tea. Today I had a grilled fish and lettuce salad and then has a falafel sandwich. I dont feel THAT bad or bad at all i guess cause it was a healthy choice but then still, it was ‘food’ so yeah! Tomorrow i need to go back to apple & almonds. 

I think about him all the time. With time, it keeps getting harder & harder, staying away from him. Also, I just cant get myself to picture a happy face of him. Like an actual happy face, one where ik he is actually happy... And that just kills me..

I guess its not supposed to be easy duh. but like. idk what im trying to say. idk. Its just that. Ugh.. Ya Allah make this easy for both of us & please give us sabr. 

Oh i just remembered. So i dont feel like doing stuff. Idk. simple stuff. Any stuff. Like open something new i bought WHICHHH btw is really “something” to me! I mean, i mean this will pass and obviously he is not there next to me & even before he didnt used to be there but then id still idk send him a pic or idk tell him about it and idk it would just make me happy but now i just have to do something and i wont be able to share it with him and ikkkkkk inshaAllah one day He will give us the chance to have moment like that but but but. I still have this thing. Like i go like - yeah, but this ones just gna goo.. - hmph. Idk if that makes me greedy.. I guess I kinda am.. 

And yeah its not something as stupid as opening stuff or showing him stuff i bought but like each and everything in my life... hehh

I never wanted to admit it even to “MYSELF” but i died a million times the day he went to bd. I dont ‘really’ understand why. I mean, yeah kinddddaaa feeling bad is ok but i felt ‘really’ bad - that i had been lying to myself tryingt o make myself believe that it was just a coincident i felt really depressed right the day he went to bd and the next maybe >.> no but the next days one wasnt bd, it was life. but ugh im not THAT depressed now, i mean i think i suffer from depression - maybe really mild not to severe or maybe more than mild idk. But to say ive got no problem at all and im completely fine? WHO AM I KIDDING??? lmao 

The thing is - these days - are better than the really bad days. Thats all im gna say! But. Alhamdulillah <3 I really cant say I can be ungrateful any single day of my life but.. Its really not that simple.. I am grateful, I always am, Even when i am tired - so. damn. tired. - of life but - i just cant explain it! 

Ok so the thing is, yeah i felt bad when he went to bd, cause yeah it felt like he went far. and that means it still feels like before when we used to talk and id feel bad cause he went far. So i guess it doesnt matter whether we talk or not, when hes far, hes far, and i feel it.. Also today i came to know he will come back after Eid! Thats pretty long! But i really hope he enjoys inshaAllah! 

I kinda realized i write a lot about him - but tbh - thats basically me! He is a.l.w.a.y.s.s.s.s. there. And Always Will Be.. InshaAllah

And now i will work out UGH - I want to hire someone whod point a gun at me every single day to get me on the treadmill that would be REALLY HELPFUL CAUSE I JUST CANT MAKE ME! )(*&^@#$^%^&#*@(&*&^#*&^#*$()*(@))*)($*)($

Ok bye :) xox