#ikau headcanons

[starcchild]

when needing time alone but not up for being cooped up inside or leaving the compound, Carter will go up onto the roof to try and clear her head. It was a habit that started when she was young, back when Tony would bring her up onto the roof of the Malibu mansion to stargaze, and something she hasn't shaken. At the tower, she'd either sit out on the landing pad or the walkway, and has a hiding spot at the compound she'll retreat to if overwhelmed. She usually goes out at night so she can stargaze, although will go out during the day if weather permits.

[lilcheeseburgerbirb]

Carter's reactor

resposted from starcchild-archived cw/tw: dying/death, car accident, coma, surgery, human experimentation

Perhaps a small part of him truly had cared about her. Perhaps it was done out of guilt, or perhaps he had more sinister plans in mind from the beginning, but no matter the reason, it had been done under Obadiah's direction that Carter was kept alive. Under his direction that the precursor to the centipede serum came to life as well.

After emergency services arrived to the accident, Carter was rushed to the hospital, and died along the way. She was revived, but was barely clinging to life by the time she was rushed into the ER - she wasn't stabilizing, and her heart kept stopping. When Obadiah arrived, he was warned he would have to make a decision: to give permission for the medical team to continue fighting for her to stay alive if her heart gave out again, or to call it if her body failed. He ordered them to not give up on her, and made a second call.

With enough money and enough pushing, he had Carter transferred to a private facility under AIM as soon as she was stabilized, where she was treated by a team of AIM scientists, doctors, and nurses. At the time, Extremis was still too unstable - too much of a risk to be used on her, despite success with AIM's very own founder. Instead, the team worked on a new serum with Extremis in hopes of diluting it into a stable mixture, and after a long process of trial and error, it worked. They mixed Extremis with their attempt at recreating the Super Soldier Serum, which settled Extremis's explosive nature, and slowly introduced it into Carter's body through an IV. It was enough to keep her alive, although she remained in a coma, and enough for her body to begin to heal without medical intervention. But... even the small amount worked too well, and began to attack the metal plates in her right arm, and in AIM's panic, they attempted to remove the plates and made things worse. The serum would almost instantly begin to close any incision made, and they were forced to flush it from her system for them to remove it successfully, but not after they nearly mutilated her arm in the process. The repeated incisions to access the plates with the serum still in her system left her arm heavily scarred, and resulted in permanent nerve damage - leaving her to experience occasional numbness or extreme pain in her arm, and leaving it weaker than it had been before.

With the plates removed and the serum reintroduced back into her body, AIM quickly realized they needed something more. Something permanent. They turned to Tony's notes on his arc reactor, and soon came up with a solution. They mimicked the build of it, and after flushing the serum from her system once more, they surgically implanted the reactor into her chest, and it took. The bone and tissue that had been connected to it fully healed in place, although extensive scarring remained around the reactor, and was connected to her heart, so the serum could be continuously pumped throughout her body and filtered before it returned to her heart and reactor. That allowed the serum to be reused without needing replacement or additional injections. It... was also enough to wake her, enough to keep her alive, and enough to kill her if damaged or removed.

Although the serum was diluted, it was enough to increase Carter's stamina and strength, and gave her regenerative abilities. Not enough to heal her scars, but enough to keep her alive - enough to heal any nonfatal wound, but not enough to allow her to regrow a limb if it came to it. Like with Extremis, it would glow beneath her skin when activated, forcing her to be careful to hide anytime she was wounded, to prevent anyone from noticing. It was permanently stable, all while keeping her mortal. And adjusting to it was a challenge all of its own.

Aside from Carter and Obadiah, only Killian and the select team involved knew of the reactor and the serum. Extremis's creator and Carter's mother, Maya Hansen, was left in the dark of the diluted serum, and of the fact her daughter and fallen under Killian's control. Carter saw the team frequently once she was released from their care so they could continue testing - so they could see how her body was handling it, and Carter quickly learned she was no more than an experiment to them. That they no longer saw her as human. And for that thought to mingle with her fear of no longer having a heart, since the reactor effectively was a replacement for her actual organ, she began to see herself more as a machine - a thought that would only grow worse as time went on, and as she took the mantle of Iron Man. She was forbidden from speaking of it to anyone outside of the team and Obadiah, and she followed it strictly - hiding it beneath thick clothing or layers, and refusing to acknowledge it even to them unless asked. Yet, she would later reveal it to Quentin on her own volition, but was left regretting her decision - hating herself for doing so, and paranoid that if anyone else learned of it, they would stop seeing her as a person, too. That, like AIM, they would see her as an experiment, or like Quentin, they would see her as a result - as proof that something incredible could come from the serum. Or, like herself, they would see her as nothing more than a heartless machine.

And while the serum saved her and kept her alive, the placement of it proved to be a heavy strain on her chest. Although it was secured in her body, it felt heavy to her, and for the first two years following its placement, Carter struggled with breathing problems. Due to both the trauma from the car accident and the operation, she developed shortness of breath, and struggled to breathe without it hurting. She never felt she could get enough air into her lungs, and her breathing came out raspy and shallow. The scarred tissue around it grew inflamed and made things worse, but... as time went on, her body adjusted, and her breathing returned to normal. And, to help with that, she began to sing again, but... in private. Away from Obadiah and everyone else, but it allowed her to strengthen her lungs and diaphragm, and was enough to help. However, the damage was still done, and Carter still deals with flare-ups. She's prone to wheezing and coughing fits, usually if she suffered from thoracic trauma, but struggles with her breathing when coming out of a panic attack, or even if she slept wrong. It's enough to grab attention if she's not careful, but she is quick to play it off, and will always refuse treatment if asked.

Another problem she faces is the reactor itself, and not just keeping it hidden. If she pushes herself too far, gets sick, or is freezing, the reactor will aggravate her chest - causing her breathing to become painful, regardless of if she's having a breathing fit or not, and her heartbeat can become irregular and rapid. It can inflame the scar tissue surrounding it, and the reactor itself can become warm to the touch. Not enough to burn her or anything else, but enough to be noticeable, and enough to be uncomfortable. If she sleeps in the wrong position or moves wrong, it will steal the breath from her lungs and leave her gasping and choking for air before her body is able to function again. It pains her when aggravated, and pains her even when healing her. She feels as though she's burning when wounds are being healed, and the pain is almost intolerable. And, if overworked or aggravated enough, Carter suffers from nosebleeds and dizzying spells, which forces her to remain down until it can settle, which can range from a few minutes to a few hours.

Overall... it's something she resents. It changed her life completely, but makes her feel trapped in a situation she never had a say in to begin with. That she never wanted to be in. It's a permanent reminder of Obadiah she can't shake, and a burden she is terrified to share with anyone else.

[ironxkid]

no matter what verse she’s in or what she goes through, Carter’s heart will always be too big for her body. She may not always wear it on her sleeve, but she cares so much for other people that she’ll willingly sacrifice herself to save them, even if she believes they don’t care about her, like she does in the ikau. And while that is a strong point for Carter, it’s also a double-edged sword, and is her fatal flaw

she’ll do almost anything for those she loves, and will almost always prioritize their needs and wellbeing above her own, even if it ends up hurting her. This is especially apparent in the ikau, because she loved Obadiah - he was a father to her after Tony’s death, and for years, he was literally all she had. Even despite his abuse, she still loved him and convinced herself that he loved her like he claimed, and that it was her fault he was hurting her, so she sucked it up and made herself deal with it, because she couldn’t afford to lose him as well. But had he directed his anger at someone else she cared about, then she would’ve turned on him, because even though she loved him, she wouldn’t allow him to hurt anyone else. And, in any verse, she would do the same - no matter who it was or what they did, she will always defend someone else over protecting herself

while it’s far more obvious in her main verse when Carter loves someone, whether it be romantically or platonically, she still loves deeply even when it’s not obvious, such as in the ikau. In the ikau, she comes across as hotheaded and aggressive, and often acts like she doesn’t care about other people when she does care so much. She’s scared of letting people in, scared they’ll hate her or hurt her or abandon her, but she still loves deeply, and has a hard time letting herself express that. And she’ll sometimes let it show through small gestures, such as checking in on someone to see if they’re okay, or doing something for them or getting something they need without them asking, but it can come across as awkward or even forced, because... she doesn’t really know how to show she cares. And, in any verse, it doesn’t matter how much she’s hurting, because she’ll shut a part of herself off to take care of those around her, because it’s easier for her to focus on helping others than it is for her to deal with whatever is bothering her

she can absolutely benefit from learning from the quote of “don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm”, but it’d be a slow process of her coming to understand and accept that. She means well. She doesn’t mean to hurt herself by caring for others, but... she does. She’d ruin herself if it would benefit those she loves, and she won’t let herself acknowledge how dangerous that is

[starcchild]

Every father’s day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve (as well as his birthday), Carter lights a candle in memory of her father. She never makes a fuss of it, nor does she do it where it’d be seen by everyone, but... when she’s alone, either in her room or her workshop, just to remember him. As a way to celebrate with him, despite Tony no longer being there, and despite her having given up celebrating at all.

[lilcheeseburgerbirb]

reposted from starcchild-archived

the layout of her room in the ikau is similar to the layout in her main verse, although it’s bare in comparison.

Carter doesn’t decorate because it’s… not her room. She has no connection to it. It’s a space where she sleeps, though she honestly spends more time down in her workshop and tends to sleep down there more when she gets tired enough, but… that’s really it. She leaves on missions with the mindset she won’t be returning, and has a fear that, one day, the others will get fed up with her and kick her out. To her, there’s no point in making it her own room, because it’s not hers. It’s a temporary place, and she doesn’t see the point in settling in if she won’t be returning. If she’s asked about why she doesn’t do anything with it, she always has an excuse, and usually says she’s too busy, but refuses any help to make it her own - not that she really lets anyone into her room, anyway. She may not have a connection to it, but it is still her space, and she prefers being alone. Frankly, the only thing that shows that her room is even lived in is the fact she rarely makes her bed when she does use it.

[lilcheeseburgerbirb]

original template can be found here

here's a chart of Carter's scars in the ikau! The one around her eye was caused by repeated trauma to the area, both in and out of the Iron Man suit (similar to the wound Tony frequently receives in canon), although it's not easily noticeable due to how faint it is. The small scar on her right knee is from a playground accident. The surgical scars on her right arm were caused mainly when AIM panicked in trying to remove the metal plates that had been implanted to help her radius and ulna mend from a nasty break caused by the car accident, although one of them was from the original surgery to place the plates. The surgical scars on her chest were from AIM placing the reactor into her chest, and the "other" scars around it formed when her body was trying to heal around the reactor. The small "other" circular scar on her left hand was from repeated IV port placement, and the "other" scar on her right calf was caused during the fight against Killian. Most of the "other accidents" scars were caused by the car accident (notably the one on the left side of her chest and right thigh), although a few were caused by various battles throughout the years of her acting as Iron Man, though the ones on her hands were mostly caused by accidents while working on things in her workshop. The burns on her right hand and knee were caused by the car accident, although the rest of them were caused by the fight against Killian.

Unlike the scars in her main/alt main verses, most of these frequently bother her, but rarely enough to debilitate her. The scar around her eye, for example, doesn't bother her at all, but the larger scars (thigh, chest, and burns) do tend to itch or ache. For the most part, she's able to ignore it, but the scarring around her reactor and the scars on her right arm are her biggest aggravators. The scarring around her reactor can become inflamed and tender when her reactor is overworked, and the repeated attempts at surgery on her right arm resulted in permanent nerve damage, which causes numbness or sharp pains that she can control with a compression sleeve.

She's definitely insecure about her scars, and does everything she can to hide them - often getting defensive or agitated if asked about any of them, unless it's with someone she truly trusts.

[lilcheeseburgerbirb]

Every father’s day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve (as well as his birthday), Carter lights a candle in memory of her father. She never makes a fuss of it, nor does she do it where it’d be seen by everyone, but… when she’s alone, either in her room or her workshop, just to remember him. As a way to celebrate with him, despite Tony no longer being there, and despite her having given up celebrating at all.

[lilcheeseburgerbirb]

when needing time alone but not up for being cooped up inside or leaving the compound, Carter will go up onto the roof to try and clear her head. It was a habit that started when she was young, back when Tony would bring her up onto the roof of the Malibu mansion to stargaze, and something she hasn't shaken. At the tower, she'd either sit out on the landing pad or the walkway, and has a hiding spot at the compound she'll retreat to if overwhelmed. She usually goes out at night so she can stargaze, although will go out during the day if weather permits.

[lilcheeseburgerbirb]

((tag drop 2

[starcchild]

((since the rewrite is taking me a hot minute, I figured I'd post these here as well lol - original template can be found here. Explanations under the cut

the first one is for Carter's main/alt main verse! The one on her knee was a playground accident, the larger burn scar on her left hand just below the knuckles was from her not paying attention when pulling something out of the oven, and the smaller knicks on her fingers were from various accidents. The rest of the scars on her hands and the scars on her back all result from her trying to escape Sector 16, and getting hit with shrapnel when Obadiah went after Pepper.

For the most part, her scars don’t bother her, although the larger (green) scar just above her right hip and the one across her spine mid-back tend to bother her the most when it gets cold. Not enough to debilitate her, but enough for her to be uncomfortable. For the most part, they faded with time, but the more serious ones stuck around.

-----

the second one is for the ikau! Here’s a chart of Carter’s scars in the ikau! The one around her eye was caused by repeated trauma to the area, both in and out of the Iron Man suit (similar to the wound Tony frequently receives in canon), although it’s not easily noticeable due to how faint it is. The small scar on her right knee is from a playground accident. The surgical scars on her right arm were caused mainly when AIM panicked in trying to remove the metal plates that had been implanted to help her radius and ulna mend from a nasty break caused by the car accident, although one of them was from the original surgery to place the plates. The surgical scars on her chest were from AIM placing the reactor into her chest, and the “other” scars around it formed when her body was trying to heal around the reactor. The small “other” circular scar on her left hand was from repeated IV port placement, and the “other” scar on her right calf was caused during the fight against Killian. Most of the “other accidents” scars were caused by the car accident (notably the one on the left side of her chest and right thigh), although a few were caused by various battles throughout the years of her acting as Iron Man, though the ones on her hands were mostly caused by accidents while working on things in her workshop. The burns on her right hand and knee were caused by the car accident, although the rest of them were caused by the fight against Killian.

Unlike the scars in her main/alt main verses, most of these frequently bother her, but rarely enough to debilitate her. The scar around her eye, for example, doesn’t bother her at all, but the larger scars (thigh, chest, and burns) do tend to itch or ache. For the most part, she’s able to ignore it, but the scarring around her reactor and the scars on her right arm are her biggest aggravators. The scarring around her reactor can become inflamed and tender when her reactor is overworked, and the repeated attempts at surgery on her right arm resulted in permanent nerve damage, which causes numbness or sharp pains that she can control with a compression sleeve.

She’s definitely insecure about her scars, and does everything she can to hide them - often getting defensive or agitated if asked about any of them, unless it’s with someone she truly trusts.

[starcchild]

What changes do you think would be made between your muse as they exist in your head vs how they would be treated as part of canon?

If your character had a breakout show/film/comic, what would the plot be? Who would be in their supporting cast?

What headcanons/theories do you believe fandom would invent about your character?

Is your character the subject of ‘imagines’ or ‘x reader’ style blogs?

What do you imagine the most popular ship(s) for your character would be?

What is the wildest crackship you can imagine for your character, whether in-universe or in crossover?

META ASKS: If Your OC Was Canon. ((under the cut because I completely rambled sfdgksfd))

What changes do you think would be made between your muse as they exist in your head vs how they would be treated as part of canon?

well, the biggest thing would be that Carter would either get a different mother so she'd still be born in '96, or she would be born in '00, since, in the movies, Tony and Maya meet at the end of '99, while I have them meet a few years earlier at the end of '95/start of '96. I mean, I know... nothing of the comics ahah, so idk if maybe that could work? but yeah! Definitely the biggest change.

the next biggest could easily be who she grows up with. It could be changed so the hansen au is canon, so Carter would grow up with Maya and Tony doesn't learn of her existence until im3 (if it's put together in general), or it could just stay the same where Maya dumped her with Tony, that way im1 picks up with an already established familial relationship with them. Which I think would be the easiest way to go, since I already have her shuffled around between carers (Pepper, Happy, Obadiah, Rhodey) while Tony is off doing Tony things lol, and also it doesn't need any build-up or major explanations. Plus, then getting into im3, it could be revealed then that Maya is Carter's mother, and there could be tension there between Maya and Tony because of that. Especially when getting into Maya's obsession with Extremis, since that was one of the main reasons for her leaving Carter with Tony in my canon to begin with.

other than that... I could see her and Tony keeping their dynamic, the "careful daughter of a careless man", since I have seen that play out before (like in Castle! When the show was still good! but actually I do like the comparison with Carter and Tony to Alexis and Castle), or they could completely change her character and have her be a mini Tony, which... I could see but I don't like sdgkhjsdf

though, they might keep her relatively the same, but throw out most of her trauma by not acknowledging it since we know how much the mcu loves downplaying trauma or outright ignoring it ahah

I think... honestly, Carter would stay relatively the same? I did my best to keep her from wildly changing the plot of everything (in her main verse lol, since the ikau does the opposite and I do tweak eg with my not today au), so she could easily just be shoved into the background and not really. need major adjustments. Like, I really either add to existing plots (her trying to intervene when Obadiah steals Tony's reactor) or alter minor plots (her stepping between Thor and Tony in aou, so Thor doesn't grab Tony in a chokehold), so I feel like it should be easy enough to just. have her exist. She's only the focus because she's my oc and obviously she's going to be the focus because of that, but overall, in the bigger picture, she's just there.

If your character had a breakout show/film/comic, what would the plot be? Who would be in their supporting cast?

oooh, I don't think a breakout film would work for her, but, I think a one-shot comic or her being tossed into a show like aos could work! Now... hmm, I'm not sure about the plot, tbh! Actually, no, I think it would be either a mini-series or one-shot comic dealing with the aftershocks of eg. Maybe her stepping in and being kind of a mentor to Peter?

OR it could be a lil mystery spinoff!! Maybe involving Mysterio? I think that could be fun! Like her trying to figure out what's going on with these drones and why Peter's suddenly involved and all that, and maybe ending up with Happy in England? I feel like a lil mystery with her would be fun sgfdkhjd

but honestly I think it would be better for her to have like. an episode or two in aos revolving around her (kinda like how they did with Sif) than her having her own show/comic, since... in her main verse, while I'm always down to explore any aspect of her background, I don't know if any of it would either generate enough interest with fans across the board or be considered financially feasible. Like, I could see her just getting brushed aside because they don't think it would make any money, y'know, like how they were saying with Natasha in delaying a bw movie for as long as they did, but them actually having a genuinely good point with that for Carter sdfgkhjsgfd

anyway, going back to my aos thing, they could easily have her be involved with them figuring out the centipede serum since extremis was used to create it, especially if her canon became her being raised by Maya instead of Tony. Or even if she somehow took interest in her mother's work! Plus I love the aos cast, so I think it'd be a lot of fun to have her interact with them!

edit: WAIT THE IKAU THEY COULD DO A COMIC RUN FOR THE IKAU I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT SDFGKJSDFHJ

What headcanons/theories do you believe fandom would invent about your character?

*rubs hands together* okay, so if canon were to go the route of it not being known who Carter's mother is until im3, then I absolutely believe there would be a popular hc/theory that her mother is Pepper, and since in Carter's canon she stays at Pepper's place in im2 during Tony's party, I could see that being a decent piece of evidence to back up that claim. Though maybe a theory of her being Maya's daughter could come up before im3? again, I don't know comics, but, I'm sure there could be hints/easter eggs hinting to that that could be thrown in, and anyone who knows Maya from the comics could toss it in as a possibility!

umm... I'm sure the hc/theory that Carter will take Tony's place as Iron Man would crop up, especially in eg since I do have her getting involved in the fight with her own suit, though with my canon that was really a one-time thing that Carter doesn't want to make a habit of using, since that's definitely not something she wants to do

I... honestly don't know if there would be a whole lot of theories that would develop in fanon with Carter? I'm sure there would be a bunch of lil hcs, but otherwise I don't think there would be a lot of major ones! I think the biggest would be her possibly becoming the new Iron Man and who her mother is pre-im3

Is your character the subject of ‘imagines’ or ‘x reader’ style blogs?

yes, I absolutely want to believe she would be because I think that would be both incredible and hilarious sdfgkhjdg

anyway, uh, I think it'd be mostly shippy things, especially with the reader inserts since those seem to lean in that direction? but I could also see imagines popping up with her, maybe more au things? like kinda touching upon the ikau without it being the ikau? I actually don't. really remember how imagines work outside of them being reader inserts sfdgkhjd

but yeah! I want to believe she'd be the subject of those sort of things, but I doubt it would ever be to the extent of a major character like Tony. Probably just a few here and there!

What do you imagine the most popular ship(s) for your character would be?

other than the Maximoff twins, a popular ship would definitely be Steve/Carter, because I know how much the mcu fandom loves pairing Stark ocs with Steve sfdgkjfsgdhkj

I think, though, a ship with Bucky and a ship with Quentin could be close contenders? I feel like I've seen those as ships with Stark ocs enough to be considered a popular pairing, but I think the three above would be the main ones!

What is the wildest crackship you can imagine for your character, whether in-universe or in crossover?

uhh... idk?? I feel like her with one of the gotg characters? like Drax? But honestly I,,, have no idea sdfghjsdf - I'm drawing a huge blank on this one

I'm not gonna even think about crossovers because that's gonna hurt my brain sfdgkjhdf

[starcchild]

after Carter realized she was allowed to have interests and wants outside of her work, one of the first things she bought herself was a left-handed guitar. She played in private, partly because a part of her still afraid she would be berated for indulging in something “useless”, but also because she was rusty after not having played in years. The last time she had, she’d been a child, but she soon fell into a rhythm again, and picked up playing as a regular habit to help cope

[starcchild]

because Carter was manipulated into believing everything she did had to benefit the Avengers in some way by Obadiah, she lost any and all genuine interest in her projects. She was careful to make sure everything she created was up to standard, whether it be a weapon or code, but... she never had any heart in what she was doing. However, when she came up with the multilingual program for the Iron Legion, she was genuinely ecstatic. It was useful for the team, and it was something she was genuinely interested in doing - she wanted to make things easier for them when they had to clear out an area, and she knew they couldn’t rely on English. It was an arrogant assumption to believe that everyone would understand what was being said, and it wasn’t fair to expect people to understand what was happening, especially in the face of an emergency.

but, after she had to shut down the Iron Legion following the events with Ultron, Carter was genuinely devastated that that meant shutting down her multilingual program as well. She couldn’t implement it in her suit, as the programming as all wrong, and... there was nothing else to use it for. The one thing she had been excited about was gone, and it truly hurt her, even though she did well to hide it from the others. 

[starcchild]

in her main verse, Carter doesn’t mind doctors. That’s not to say she hasn’t encountered a few who didn’t listen to her, but... overall, she has no issue with going to the doctor when needed, or seeing one if she feels something is wrong. But, she does know basic first aid - not really something she had to learn for herself, but... something she wanted to learn so she could help her father, and, later, the other Avengers, if she could.

however, in the ikau, Carter hates doctors. The doctors at AIM are to blame - she quickly learned that, while in their care, she was more of a science experiment than a patient. They didn’t care about her, they just cared about how her body reacted to the reactor. And with Obadiah pushing her to keep her problems private, telling her she was a burden otherwise and that was how she would lose those around her, she quickly learned how to treat her own wounds. When she gets sick, she pushes herself instead of resting, but when it’s too much for her to keep going, she hides away. When she’s injured, she nurses herself back to health - hiding her wounds away from the others, and doing everything she can to pretend everything is fine. Otherwise, the only time she’ll seek medical attention is if her wounds are too grievous for her to treat by herself, or someone forces her to see a professional. 

[starcchild]

carter & her arc reactor

cw/tw: dying/death, car accident, body insecurity

reposted from ironxkid

Perhaps a small part of him truly had cared about her. Perhaps it was done out of guilt, or perhaps he had a more sinister plan in mind from the beginning, but no matter the reason, it had been under Obadiah’s direction that Carter was saved by having an arc reactor placed in her chest.

Although she had died once on her way to the emergency room and was barely clinging to life upon arrival, a private team of doctors and nurses hired by Obadiah from AIM managed to save Carter’s life - inserting a backup reactor her father had created after rediscovering the needed element to replace the palladium. It was something that remained a secret between the team, Obadiah, and Carter, and any documentation surrounding the procedure was later destroyed. The only information that stayed were Tony’s notes, and it would go unknown that his daughter now carried the very thing that had saved his life in Afghanistan.

Carter’s fiercely protective of it, and it would take a lot of trust for her to tell someone about it, let alone even show them. She hides it well beneath layers and/or thicker clothing, just to be sure that the glow from it can’t even be visible. For her, it’s… basically her heart - she’s painfully aware of how vulnerable it is, how vulnerable it makes her, and it scares her. She doesn’t want it, but at the same time, she knows she can’t get it removed without it potentially killing her - it’s a hole in her chest, and living with that is more terrifying than living with the reactor. How her father had been so comfortable showing it off is something she doesn’t understand, and she doubts she ever will. Though, she does have a habit of wanting to rest her hand over it, and is constantly catching herself before she can do so - but, if she is caught, she can easily brush it off as an ache caused by scars and a healed injury caused by the car accident.

She’s also rather… paranoid about it. While she knows her father had successfully replaced the palladium originally used in his reactor with the element he rediscovered, Carter still fears that it may poison her, if not kill her. Her reactor uses the same element, given that it had been a backup created by her father, but it’s still something that worries her. And she knows that, if that were to ever be the case, she’s trapped herself in a corner - after all, she hasn’t told anyone about it, Obadiah’s dead, and she has no way to contact the team that had saved her life to begin with. If it were to start poisoning her, she wouldn’t be able to reach out to anyone to help her, and even if she did, there’s… really nothing they could do, and it’d be the worst way for her to reveal such a thing. Thankfully, the element is safe and stable, but her fears still persist.

While her suits can connect to her reactor as an energy source, she actually creates them with their own reactors - hers can be connected only as emergency backup power. And it gives her a reason as to why she creates the smaller reactors - it’s easier for her to brush it aside as her messing around with the Iron Man tech versus her trying to come up with a reason that doesn’t reveal her own.

With all that said, it does cause her physical problems at times. When she pushes herself too far, gets sick, or is freezing, the reactor will aggravate her chest, given where it’s located and how it’s situated. It makes her chest feel tight and pained, which can affect her breathing in turn - causing it to actually hurt with each breath, and causing her breathing to sound raspy. She does well to hide it, and has learned to pin the blame for her breathing problems on the car accident as well.

Carter does feel a level of insecurity with her appearance because of it. She doesn’t feel it makes her any less attractive, but… it’s something so startling to see, that she worries it would turn anyone away if she were to reveal it, and not just in regards to a partner. She already struggles with her appearance given the scars left behind from the car accident, but with the reactor and the gnarled scarring around it, it just makes it worse. She doesn’t feel comfortable in her own body at times, which just furthers her need to hide it, and it can feel heavy in her chest, which… only makes things worse on a bad day.

Overall, it’s… something she resents. It changed her life completely, and it makes her feel trapped in a situation she never wanted to be in. It reminds her too much of Obadiah, and when she discovers he had been the one responsible for the accident that resulted in her needing it in the first place, it only makes her feelings towards it all the more negative. There is a part of her that wants to share her secret with someone else, just so she doesn’t feel so alone, but… she’s far too afraid of what the others would think to say anything. Unwilling to discuss anything surrounding it, and unwilling to discuss the reasons why she won’t find someone to remove it.

------

For almost two years, Carter struggled with breathing problems after receiving the arc reactor. Due to both the trauma from the car crash and the operation itself, she developed shortness of breath, and it would hurt to breathe. She never felt like she could get enough air into her lungs, and her breaths often sounded raspy and shallow. The tissue around her reactor remained inflamed for a good while after she received it, which did little to help her breathing problems, but eventually went away as her body adjusted to it.

Although done in private when Obadiah was away, Carter began to practice singing after her lungs began to recover. It strengthened her diaphragm and allowed her to take deeper and slower breaths, and helped ease the pain that still lingered. It couldn’t fix everything, leaving her with the problems mentioned above, but it definitely improved her condition overall.

She continued to sing in private, reluctant and protective of a hobby that helped her in the fear of someone ridiculing her much in the same way Obadiah did with her interest in astronomy, but could be swayed to sing to someone if it meant helping them in some way or another. Carter actually did so once while on a mission, when she sang to a frightened child until they calmed down, and she was able to reunite them with their parents. However, she can be caught humming occasionally to herself, though is easily flustered when it’s pointed out or mentioned in general.

[starcchild]

Did Maya ever try to reach out to Carter in the IKAU? I know you said in Carter's main verse her mother mails her a necklace so is that the same for the IKAU? And did she ever try to reach out to her in the main verse outside of that one package?

((this is something I wanna add as a hc for the ikau rewrite, but yes! Maya did try to reach out to Carter in the ikau! She actually tried to reach out to Carter multiple times following Tony’s death but, surprise surprise, Obadiah refused each attempt, and threatened to get authorities involved, citing that Maya had legally/willfully abandoned Carter years prior, and claimed that Carter wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. Maya was absolutely pissed at that, but she did back off at the threat, since he was correct on the abandonment bit, and knew she absolutely had nothing to back her case if he did try to take things in a legal matter, although it honestly did break her heart. And, legal matters aside, if Carter wanted nothing to do with her, she wasn’t going to push to be in her life, because she knew damn well she had hurt her. Maya’s a lot of things, but she did truly care about Carter, and she was genuinely worried about her after everything that had happened. She wanted to be there if Carter would let her be, but that... never got to happen, because Carter had no idea that Maya tried reaching out to her in the first place since Obadiah kept that hush-hush.

now, Obadiah prevented Maya from seeing Carter for three reasons. One) he hated her. It had nothing to do with trying to protect Carter or whatever, he just never liked Maya, and the feeling was very mutual. Like, he always thought Carter was a distraction to Tony, so he blamed Maya for that, but also they never got along from the few times they interacted whenever Obadiah had to meet with Killian, since I do plan on having him be involved with AIM following his retirement from SI. Maya thought he was an arrogant asshole from the beginning, but unfortunately didn’t realize the extent of his behavior, and even if she did, there really wasn’t anything she could do, considering he had power and money and she didn’t. Two) Carter’s reactor is fueled with the precursor to the centipede serum, which included extremis, something that Maya had absolutely had no knowledge about. She was left in the dark about Killian’s side-project with centipede, and left in the dark that Carter was subject zero for that experimentation - had she known, she would’ve flipped. And, three) it just goes back to Obadiah wanting to keep Carter isolated. Although Carter has a lot of mixed feelings about her mother, there was a part of her that wanted to have a relationship with her, or at least be able to talk to her about why she left, and he couldn’t risk them actually bonding, and her having someone she could go to other than him. And it was easier just to keep Maya away in the guise that Carter wanted nothing to do with her, instead of trying to drive them apart later on like how he had to do with Carter and Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy.

so, for the necklace, I gotta,,, figure that out dsfgjhfd - Carter’s still gonna have it! But I think I’m gonna change it to where Maya left it with Tony when she gave him full custody of Carter, although Carter wouldn’t have started wearing it until she was older, since it doesn’t,,, seem like a great idea to give a four-year-old a necklace lol - but! that would mean Carter would have it in the ikau as well as her main verse! Though, she could still have the necklace in the ikau as is, although she would’ve gotten it much later down the line. Maya would’ve still mailed her the package when she turned sixteen as a birthday gift, but because she wouldn’t have known where Carter was, she would’ve mailed it to Tony’s Malibu address in the hopes it’d still get to Carter. The package would’ve been picked up by Pepper, Happy, or Rhodey, however, since, y’know, Tony’s dead and Carter doesn’t live at the mansion (although it is still Stark property, as it would become Carter’s when she turned 20), so Carter wouldn’t have known about it until after Obadiah’s death and her being told she has the Malibu property, as well as a lot more money and other assets. And while that’d work, I want Carter to have the necklace earlier than her twenties? which is why I’m thinking about writing it so she had it when she was young, and Maya sending her something else when she turned sixteen. Idk for certain, I still gotta figure all that out dshkjgsdjh

now, for Maya reaching out to Carter in the main verse outside of that package, I’m gonna say probably not. While Maya did still love her despite leaving her, Maya was definitely married to her work, and she still believed it was in Carter’s best interest she stayed away, not just because of the hurt she caused by leaving her, but also because Maya never fully trusted Killian. That was the reason why she left Carter with Tony in the first place - she feared Carter would somehow get caught in her work, but was far too prideful/determined to make extremis work to give it up, and made another poor decision in a field of many poor decisions. So, for Carter’s safety, she kept her distance, but also because she honestly believed Carter was in a better situation she could’ve given her had she kept her, and definitely believed Carter was better off with Tony than she was in foster care. Because, in her mind, even if Tony was distant as a father, Carter would at least have a very comfortable lifestyle growing up, and would’ve had people taking care of her someway or another. That doesn’t mean Maya didn’t worry about her, and she definitely thought about reaching out to Tony and Carter often, but... thought it was better she continued to keep her distance for the both of them. The main reason she sent the package in the first place was because, a) turning sixteen is a big deal and she wanted to do something for Carter; and b) wanted to let her know she did still love her but it was in her best interest she wasn’t in her life, although Maya never went into exact detail as to why she said that, and it wasn’t even something Carter knew to begin with since Carter tossed her letter instead of reading it. 

though... I gotta figure it out, but maybe Maya tried reaching out to Carter when Tony disappeared during im1? But, with that, since Obadiah was Carter’s legal guardian at that point in time as well, I think he would’ve just kept Maya away, although on the sole reason that Maya abandoned Carter and Obadiah wanted nothing to do with her. They wouldn’t have known each other then since Obadiah didn’t get involved with AIM in Carter’s main verse, so he just didn’t want to deal with any potential drama by letting Maya into Carter’s life, and not because of him trying to keep Carter isolated. But that’d probably really be the only time Maya tried reaching out to Carter in the main verse outside of her sixteenth birthday, ahah.

if Maya had lived in either verse, I... honestly think her relationship with Carter would be cordial at best and, while Carter would acknowledge her as her mother (though Carter does that anyway in her main verse and the ikau as is), I don’t think it’d ever really be what it could’ve been as a mother and daughter, if that makes sense? Maya lost that and she knows it, and would never force Carter to have a relationship with her, but Carter would want to know her mother, but she wouldn’t... really connect with her, or see her as true family, in a sense. Like, sure, she’s her blood family, but Carter doesn’t hold much in that regard - for her, family is very much so who she wants in her life, regardless if they’re related to her or not. Her friends are her family, and so are the Avengers, because she cares for them and they care for her, and she’s happy with that. She knows blood isn’t everything, and that’s a belief that wouldn’t change even if Maya came back.