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hydemind · 3 years

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Your thoughts on Isaac, William, Frankie an Jack 🎤?

OHHHHHH CROW I COULD GO ON ABOUT THEM FOR HOURS.

this post is SUPER FUCKING LONG so for the first time in my life im using a read more link.

I'm gonna start out with Will, who, a little fun fact, isn't actually named William! His full name is Willis Grossman. His parents thought it'd be funny. Will doesn't know his full name.

Here are some other fun facts about me and @functionentropy 's Will (along with other characters below) (he is also the one who has been making this entire creepypasta interp with me! Go check out their art or else /lh):

Will was born in the late 1800s early 1900s!

His parents were a lot like a Bonnie and Clyde duo, and they cared and loved for Will very, very much.

Will always looked up to Isaac! He wanted to be exactly like his grandpa when he grew up. Isaac was also a wonderful grandfather as well.

Will, on his 13th birthday, got Isaac's mask as a gift. When he got it, Isaac said to him: "keep it safe. It's a family heirloom.", Will uses that excuse as to why he still wears it to this day.

Speaking of Isaac, he's the underrealm equivalent to a tumblr sexyman. Everyone thinks he's hot shit, but that also goes for a lot of serial killers residing in the underrealm. Will unfortunately had to see his grandfather on magazine covers talking about the underrealm's HOTTEST NEW KILLER. He hates it.

Will ran away from home after Isaac died at around the age of 20 to 21, and considering he was a legal adult, his parents couldn't do much. They're still looking for him. (How, you may ask? Well, a little thing about the underrealm is that it stunts growth. You're essentially unable to die of old age down there. Think shitty immortality. His parents are looking for him, and they know he's in the underrealm- so that's how they are still around!)

Will had the worst time in the underrealm for the first few years he was down there. He wasn't immediately enrolled in the institution and he had a hard time holding down a job. Eventually he met Frankie! They live(d) in an apartment together. The first time Frankie met Will he thought he was Isaac and told his landlord and him HELL NO. Frankie does not like Isaac. Cue [will's offended gasp] and him saying he's his GRANDSON, and WHY IS HE ACTING LIKE ISAAC SUCKED? Cue Frankie making fun of him for being a grandpa's boy.

Frankie and Will had a bumpy relationship for a while. Will wasn't always a good person. Not really bad, just a fucking dumbass.

Speaking of Frankie...

Here's stuff about Frankie!

Frankie's origin story is essentially the same in this interp. Except for the fact that Frankie very much HAD A PAST. (which. If u wanna know more........I would love to talk about it......but this is about CURRENT Frankie so if u wanna know more bro just pop up in my dms or send another ask im feeling wild tonight)

After Amy passed (which was NOT due in part to the operator in this universe. The operator just found her like that) he was found by Bell (prince beelzebub, ruler of the underrealm at that point). You should know Frankie wasn't always an adjusted and normal fuckin person. He was like a rabid dog for a good while there.

While Frankie was unhinged he fucking death rolled Daisy the first time they met. (Daisy is an oc! I'm willing to talk more about him if you want the deets. He's interesting :]) because of this Daisy is the only one allowed to openly make fun of Frankie. (Playfully, of course.)

Daisy and Bell both basically helped Frankie adjust to society.

Frankie is autistic! So is Will. And Isaac. All. Everyone. Everyone has autism. (Shhhh. i'm projecting.)

Frankie can see souls! He's a very good judge of character because of it. However Frankie doesn't know what he's seeing is people's souls.

Frankie goes specifically after bad people. He'll take jobs from bad people, but he'll kill them, too. He says "he's sending them back to where they belong".

Frankie was the first to really show Will killing isn't just something you do. It's more than that. Will had never really processed death and murder of his fellow man like that before. He has a hard time even processing people as people sometimes, outside those of whom he cares for. This is because of Isaac. Isaac taught Will that people are bad- all of them. And that killing them is preventing them from hurting others, even if they haven't yet.

Frankie is a good guy and honestly a softie deep down. He worries and cares for all those who are close to him, even if he doesn't act like it sometimes.

Frankie says Toby "kidnapped him" and "made him diseased". 1. Frankie can very much leave the household at any time and 2. Frankie is referring to the operator sickness. Speaking of that-

Frankie was dragged through the operator's own personal hell! (Aka the realm they reside in more often than not, aka the place that Tim gets tossed around in near the end of marble hornets.) Reason being was because he threatened Toby's life. The operator is very protective of Toby.

Speaking of that, someone else was around when Toby met Frankie...

ONTO LAUGHING JACK!

ohhh man. Oh man. Oh baby. This clown is FULL of illness. Alright. So let's start off simple:

Lj was of course, made for Isaac. That's still a consistency. What isn't is that lj was around Isaac for a lot longer than in the original story. They developed a very close bond over the years they knew eachother, but, all good things must come to an end.

Lj returned to his box when Isaac left for boarding school. However, unlike the original story....Isaac didn't really come back to open the box. In fact, the most Isaac did was...well, I'll wait to spill that for Isaac's part later.

However! Eventually the house got passed off to another family. Years, and it mean YEARS later someone found lj's box in the attic! They were an unfortunate casualty.

After this, lj went and hunted Isaac down. Cue gore filled murder scene.

Things to note: LJ feels HORRIBLE about what he did to Isaac. He regrets it everyday. He wishes he had never done that to him.

But, time skip a bit.. we're further in the future now. LJ has his carnival set up and hidden away in an empty spot in the forest. He eventually comes across a wandering spirit because of this. This wanderer just so happens to be Sally!

LJ takes her in and swears to protect her with his life. In a way, you could say he sees her as a chance of redemption.

Sally was a wandering spirit, meaning she never really was stuck to one spot in particular- also meaning she wasn't very strong. Because of this, LJ gave her some of his own angelic essence. This boosted Sally and essentially made her a poltergeist!

(Note: Sally doesn't know how she died. Also, none of the things in her og story happened to her in this one. Fuck mishimishi. All my homies hate mishimishi.)

A little while after this they actually meet Toby and Jeffery! But this is getting long and to explain THAT entire debacle would make it even longer. but again I fully invite you to send more asks or just straight up dm me if you wanna know!

Now, last, but certainly not least..

ISAAC GROSSMAN.

OH MAN. Isaac is a DOOZY. Just like LJ, this baby is chocked FULL of illnesses! *slaps the top of his head like the roof of a car* but also, fair warning here: im gonna be talking about some heavy stuff. Abuse, physical and mental, gore, just. Death in general. Cannibalism, and EXTREME MENTAL ILLNESS *loud airhorn* so if any of that stuff gets to you steer clear of this part!

Anyways, let's start out simple!

Isaac was born in victorian England.

Isaac's mother was terrible towards him. I'm talking mental and physical abuse. She was a horrible, horrible woman.

Isaac's father...he wasn't a good person either, but he didn't beat Isaac. Nor did he really mentally abuse him either. He just...let it happen. He didn't even hurt his mother like he did in the original story. Isaac's mother was just plain bad for no good reason.

Isaac was sort of. Born having mental illness. They didn't just develop for him due to the abuse he experienced, though they certainly DID make it worse. There were other mental issues he has now that developed due to the abuse, however.

LJ was quite literally a godsend for Isaac. Metaphorically and not Metaphorically. LJ made Isaac happy, gave him comfort, and was basically like the mom he never had.

that's why it was so hard on Isaac when he had to leave lj behind. For a while he even had hallucinations of lj while in boarding school (which only furthered his future belief that lj was a hallucination brought on by the need to cope).

Isaac's first technical "murder" you could say was at boarding school. He pushed a shitty teacher down the stairs when there was no one around and they died. It wasn't even premeditated- more like it just sort of..happened.

Eventually Isaac graduated. When he did, he promptly returned home and killed his parents, as you do. /s

Isaac killed his mom in a rather violent fashion in comparison to his father- he whiplashed her so hard she fucking died.

Not long after this Isaac started his..well. I guess you could call it career.

Basically you know what happens after that. human skin chair, yadda yadda yadda, underrealm's sexiest killer, you know the drill.

Isaac did more than the human skin chair though! In fact, he uh. He. He did a lot. He did. SO much. But that was because Isaac believed in not wasting any part of the body. Which means Isaac not only made human skin chairs, but he was an avid cannibal, as well. (Fun fact, this very much extended to Will's father, mother, and Will as well. Will didn't know they were eating human for a long time. He had to realize that on his own.)

Eventually, Isaac punched his ticket because of LJ. But..I'd be a liar to say he really died.

No, our wonderful boy Isaac didn't die. He became a ghoul. Which, by the way, only further fucked with Isaac mentally! He's so ill. Some other things happened which I won't say here because they're spoilers for the fanfic I'm working on (Oh yeah the hyperfixation is that bad, but if you wanna know, again, I fully invite you to ask), but basically Isaac eventually gets taxidermied by, drumroll please..TOBY!!!! yeah. Toby does taxidermy as a job. He invited a new type of it for taxidermying Isaac. It was to repay daisy for something he did for the group.

But to say, again, that THAT was Isaac's end, would be another lie! No no no. Isaac was alive during the entire process! The good news is that he's never looked better after he escaped daisy's house when it got exploded by Frankie. Which..that's uh..another story for another day. This post is already insanely long and I am NOT putting it in the main tags.

So yeah! Im absolutely crazy for these dudes and I love all of them. By the way if you couldn't guess before Frankie and Will very much get together and are so so gay. Another little thing: Isaac is gay too, he had a past relationship with a man by the name of Dr. Locklear! Locklear is French German and his accent shows it. They were very close but fell out because of Locklear being involved with the institution and...a certain foundation.

I'll leave it to you to ponder on that one.

#if you have any specific questions about them feel totally free to ask!!!! im so insane and i WILL talk about all of them for hours given #the chance #asks #shut up murphy #ALSO please dont reb/lo/g this im a little afraid of me and tropy's ideas being stolen sgjndfk #th ank

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thewaitinggamesblog · 4 years

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After we collided was worse than After don’t @me

I have thoughts on this movie and Id like to share. Read if you want or don’t. This is a rant, so if you don’t want to hear any negative thoughts on this movie, this is your warning!

You may or may not agree what I have to say, and thats okay. Im just sharing personal thoughts

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After We Collided, in my opinion, was a fucking dumpster fire, I honestly wonder how and why this franchise can still produce movies. I know I'm going to get some heat from this, but in all seriousness, I have no hope for the other films. I think I lost all hope for the franchise after watching this movie.

I read After in conjunction with the first movie. I was interested in how a fanfiction on Wattpad turned into a best selling book and eventually became a major motion picture. That's what sparked my interest in the franchise. Because I in my "teenage youth" read fanfiction and had heard of this particular fanfiction a few times, I wanted to finally see what it was all about. Not surprisingly, it was exactly what I thought it was, a fanfiction.

I did not like the books personally. There were many problems in content/ subject matter and execution of that content that I felt was poorly handled and sent out the wrong message to people at times, but that's for another post.

So going into After we collided, I didn't know what to expect, id watched After, id read the book, and seen promo and trailers and interviews; I knew that the rating had changed. After was rated pg-13 and After we collided is rated R. I knew, along with that, that there were talks about bringing in more book character elements like making movie Hardin more like book Hardin. I was skeptical about that because:

1. That specific change seemed really hard to pull off, especially when you've already introduced the character with different behaviors. I think the transition would have been better if they were more developmental and progressed over time instead of just happening.

and

2. I didn't like book Hardin, I much rather preferred 1st movie Hardin, and his character in the books is a lot, and I was skeptical of the actor to be able to step into that role; after having watched the first movie, which was a watered-down, version of Hardin

In my opinion, it wasn't his acting ability that was lacking in character presence. It was the way his character was written in the script. Book to movie adaptations are really hard, but they're even harder when you have to go back and undo and exchange parts/ feelings/ emotions of a character. The actor who played Hardin (who I'm not naming on purpose) seemed like he was not vibing with this version of his character whatsoever, making the movie so hard to watch. This extends to Tessa as well. Her character development changed, ill say, drastically, and I would have liked to see a smoother transition to that character that we started the movie off with. As an audience member, I was so disconnected from her character and anything that she did because I just didn't believe her character would do that. Being late and cussing in the lobby of her new job, and acting frantic, especially coming off of the first movie where her character acted completely different. I would have never expected her character to do any of that. What's worse about it is that it just happens. There is no explanation as to why it happens and why she does these things, or why she's become more aggressive, she just is, and that bothered me.

Another thing that bothered me to no end was this movie's lack of plot. The book series is very episodic and goes around in circles. I can accept that about the series because knowing the series's backstory that made sense to me. However, a movie should never be like that. There was no overall arching storyline. It was just a bunch of scenes from the book put together to get to the end, which is the "big" but not so big reveal. I felt like there was really no purpose to drive the movie; the goal was just to get from start to finish. This was really sad as a viewer

because there were moments where I felt like the writers could have capitalized on the storyline and made some more diverse and complex scenes that could have given the movie some color. The scenes really do go from one to the other with little to no connection, and they make absolutely no sense.

I think the worst thing for me in the movie is when Tessa goes home. Noah accidentally tells her that her Dad is looking for her. Tessa has this very curt conversation with her mother, and then it's never really talked about after that. Tessa's Dad becomes a vital part of Tessa's story. And I ask, why was that not capitalized on more in this movie? They kind of waited to put back in at the end of the film, which I felt was such a mistake. Like, I know they're saving it for the next movie. Still, I saw no reason not to capitalize on it while they were already setting up for the storyline in this movie.

The writers were trying to capitalize on it being sexier and more like the book that they forget to add a plot. There was so much material to work with. The writers could have easily written and rewritten the scenes to fit the movie's storyline. In return, I felt like that would help push the story along instead of it feeling like this needless pack of scenes.

In addition to that, as the audience, we are missing crucial information that would have helped make sense of the movie. Like we're missing the aftermath of the bet. Like they just scathe over that. The info on Tessa's father, which I see what they were trying to do, but I felt like no one really took the bait.

From a viewer's pov, assuming id never read the books, you start to wonder how this even came to be starting with the first shot.

1.Why is Hardin just asleep in his car?

2. How long has it been since the reveal of the bet?

3. Why and how is Vance able to whisk Tessa away to Seattle to a business deal that we only hear about after she's there?

That last one might be reaching, but still.....

And that's only within the first 15 minutes of the movie.

I also had pacing issues; this was a lot to unpack in such a short amount of time. Yeah, so......

Something I did like!

1. The exchanges between Trevor and Tessa seemed genuine. I liked the chemistry and how they're written together.

And that's pretty much it.

Despite my dislike of the movie, I can appreciate it for what it is a cringe romance fanfiction movie.

I will say overall, some stories should just not be made into movies. In my opinion, I believe the book lost a lot of value when you start adding real-life elements to it. Of course, everyone will have a preconceived idea of what the movie is going to look like. Still, I think expectations fall short when you can't execute the idea properly, which is what I believe happened with After we collided.

So that's my opinion. Just thoughts, like I said you can disagree with me and thats okay, but this this is just my opinion.

signed,

someone with thoughts

#after #after we collided [2020]#movie review #books #after series #hardin scott #tessa young #movie reaction #movienight #after we fell #before #after ever happy #fanfiction #wattpad

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bellanope-blog · 6 years

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hey all! i'm ellie and i’ll be writing my lil sad comp sci nerd, bella! i haven’t been in the rp community for... awhile... so i apologize if i'm a little rusty. also a quick disclaimer... i’m not very knowledgeable when it comes to computer science. i’m fairly decent with html but know nOTHING when it comes to java, python and anything else. but i'm going to do my best! you can read below if you wanna get to know her a little better. i LOVE plotting so plEASE im so we can get our little babs writing together! you can also like this post and i’ll message you. i'm going to start reading everyone else intro posts now. can't wait to get to know all of you!

disclaimer: bella is very very loosely based on abigail from stardew valley. TLDR:

bella grew up primarily in stardew valley. she left the city for four years during her undergrad and graduated with a comp sci degree three years ago.

she’s a programmer ( hit her up fix your printer :-) she’ll only be somewhat annoyed. ) and doesn’t have a lot of professional experience. this basically means she’s a little worker monkey for software developers.

she has depression but he refuses to acknowledge it.

she’s pretty pessimistic and definitely isn't the easiest to get along with it. 54% of the time she’s sad. 54% of the time she’s angry and about 2% of the time she’s content.

MORE INFO:

bella was born to carol & philip romana in the city.

bella’s mother and father separated when she was just five years old.

bella father is CTO ( chief of technology ) of an oil & gas company in the city and after a three year affair her mother eventually learned that her father’s business trips were actually visits to see his second family, his girlfriend and the child they now had together.

bella’s parents tried to work things out but after 6 short months bella and her mother left. they moved back in with bella’s widowed grandmother in stardew valley.

despite having an empty resume since her wedding day, bella’s mother managed to get a job at jojomarket.

rather than being educated by the local tutor, bella was home schooled online. despite being primarily raised in the valley she felt like an outsider. she hated the small town she was bound to.

despite only living an hour away, bella didn’t have much contact with her father. he was always consistent when it came to material things though and never once did he forget to send her a gift for christmas or her birthday. sadly, no card was to be found in the wrapping paper and honestly, all bella wanted to read was an “i love you” from her father.

fitting to a CTO, many of these gifts were the latest tech and this what began her deep interest in coding.

bella has always blamed her father’s leaving for the reason her personality is so sad. she hates her father. sadly, she and her father are eerily similar. though she will never know this.

when bella was eighteen years old she left stardew valley for the first time since her childhood. the reason for this departure? university.

bella attended university in the city and majored in computer science. her education was paid for by her estranged father.

in the city she lived with five roommates in a home that was meant to hold only three.

after just her first year of university, bella had planned on staying in the city. sure, living in the city was expensive even with five roommates but her naivety and greed for more than just a small town life outweighed the reality of her situation.

only a few days after celebrating the completion of her last class. her grandmother passed.

bella had known that her grandmother was sick but the death crept up on the small family and left her mother distraught. unable to handle the pain bella’s mother decided she would stay in the city for a couple weeks with a friend and bella would stay in stardew valley to look over the house. a funeral would be held once her mother was in a better place.

months went by and bella started to realize how much she enjoyed the independence of living alone. no roommates. no family. alone.

finally, a funeral was held. it was a small service and considering her grandmother was only survived by a single child and was not close with her other family members it was mainly towns people that came to say their goodbyes.

after the funeral bella’s mother told her that she would not be returning to stardew valley and gave her two choices: bella could move back to the city if she so chose or she could stay in stardew valley, rent free and they would sell her grandmothers home at a later date.

bella chose the ladder. she told herself that she would only be staying in stardew valley for a year at the most but three years have now passed and she still lives rent free in the home of her late grandmother. her four walls feel deafening lonely but the fear of failing in the city are keeping her from making the big move.

since bella was a child her mother had been her best friend. bella’s mother is currently rebuilding her life in the city and due to this has been very busy over the past few years. bella hasn’t spoken to her mother in half a year and the last time they spoke they got into a fight over cardboard boxes.

currently bella is working as a freelance programmer and building up her portfolio. she hates stardew valley. she wants more. but she can’t work up the courage to be brave and achieve it.

for work bella mainly writes codes for apps that will inventible fail and accidentally spends a lot of time helping out the other towns people with mundane tech problems.

due to bella’s shy nature and sorrow filled soul, she doesn’t have many friends and is seen as quite pessimistic when compared to others.

after the death of her grandmother and the quick departure of her mother bella has developed major depressive disorder. actually, her lack of courage to move on from stardew valley has nothing to do with courage at all. her depression has left with a lack of motivation and is also the reason she spends most of her time indoors either playing games, listening to music or studying code.

bella is anything but self aware and hasn’t realized she’s her depression is more than just her personality. it’s a mental illness. being a crestfallen individual she passes her sorrow off as just being a part of who she is.

#stardewintro #catch me only using gifs of courtney eaton smiling when i'm posting ooc #: - )

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acabloe · 6 years

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Soon Goodbye, Now Love: chapter six

new ppl who r just seeing this it’s a guardian angel A/U

find all the parts here ☟

Ao3 ff.net

tw’s: swearing, mentions of depression and anxiety, loss of memory

still based on this song lol

here is the moodboard for ambience purposes if you’re that kind of kid

a/n: its been very long yada yada please just tell me if you want the next chapter because im stuck in au land, if you would prefer a Jane Austin au literally ill drop everything

once the lights go out

Higher City, Angel Habitat/Complex - 2:45 AM

Half an hour post-transportation and five hours after Chloe’s accident.

Beca stumbled on her footing as she grasped around the edge of the doorframe, looking for a switch or a pull to shed light into the pitch-black space that expanded beyond the doors of her residence for the next who-knew-how-long.

Her neck whined in an aggravating crick from sitting hunched over Chloe’s bedside for so long and her mind was mushed from the weight of stress, overtiredness, excessive adrenaline usage and above all else, of course--grief. The only thing keeping her from collapsing on the ground in the doorway of this small concrete hallway and weeping herself to sleep was the sentence she continued to recite to herself repetitively under her breath: “Chloe’s alive, everyone’s safe, you’ll be okay.”

She far from even entertained the possibility that the last part was rest assured, but the act of mouthing it repetitively had a numbing effect on her currently fragile mental stamina.

After fumbling for a few seconds, she huffed in exasperation and gave up trying to find a switch. Sleep was the only thing she had the brains to carry out. Deliberation over everything else that had transpired in the past four hours would be performed when her brain was a just little further away from falling apart.

The man at the front desk of the grey building had given her a small but heavy and lumpy grey drawstring rucksack before dropping her off alone in the dingy hall of her new quarters. She set it down by her feet now, using it to prop open the thick black door to let as much light into the room as possible.

Hands outstretched, she shuffled inside and waited until her eyes adapted to the murky black interior. It took a few seconds but eventually the slight outlines of shapes faded into view and she finally spotted what she assumed was a thin standing-lamp in the corner. She stepped blindly towards it and jumped backwards a little when it suddenly flickered on, sensing her hand in the air a few inches before it.

The space was little more than a closet. Beca had little mind to care, too exhausted to be grumpy. Besides, it was pretty comfortable considering her own size. The walls and ceiling were simply white-washed cement and there was a foot by foot square to serve as a window at the farthest wall from the door, though it had little to no effect at this time of the night. She wondered briefly about the concept of daylight here and if there even was sun or moonlight. The sparse furniture was a bed, an old wooden sea-trunk, and a tiny porcelain sink in the corner. Beca placed her rucksack in the trunk and sank onto the stiff but not wholly uncomfortable pallet, lacking any sufficient drive in her to take anything off, including her shoes, or even get under the soft linen sheets. Her eyes fell shut and the relief of deep sleep ebbed impending in her mind’s eye.

Yet her head pounded and her heart still fluttered at a sickening pace under her ribs. She found it increasingly difficult to keep her eyes closed; the image of Chloe, pale and fragile in such a battered state after the accident, had etched itself clearly behind her eyelids. Her breathing was difficult to regulate (she was unsure if this was due to her thinking so deeply on the act of regulating it, or an actual physical anxious reaction) and the room was uncomfortably cold.

She brought her knees to her chest and hugged them tightly. Everything was gone. Everything she and those she loved had worked so hard to build from so little was over and erased without trace. She had trudged heavily from wholly miserable to the happiest she had ever been without ease and certainly not in good time. All of that happiness. Up and gone like passing something eye-catching for its possible beauty in the sand on the beach, but upon running back to find it, its existence is nothing more than imagined.

A distinct memory faded into view. It was more of a moving image (a gif, so to speak) than a memory, but she could hear distant and muffled voices as if she were standing outside the door of a closed cinema to a movie she wasn’t familiar with.

The image was of her and Chloe in their late teens resting under a filter of broken apricot sunset through a canopy of birch leaves shimmering above their heads. Chloe’s head rested on Beca’s shoulder as she ripped up the grass beneath her, spreading it over Beca’s legs like dirty confetti.

She didn’t remember the scene as such. She only knew that it felt real. And that it ached her chest and throat and burned her eyes with the threat of tears.

Now she could no longer withhold the prickling tears and shuddering sobs and resolved that if tiring herself out would be the only route she would be able to take towards a somewhat restful night, she would charge down its’ course at a thousand miles per hour, foot stomped on the gas pedal.

She stretched and bided in the memory as deeply as she could.

Her sobs reverberated softly in the small stone room.

Underneath this, a soft irregular ticking noise sounded from above and outside her window. She ignored it. As it got louder she recognized it to be rain, heavy and sheeted. This prodded her curiosity just enough; still shaking, she stood from the bed and wobbled over to the hand-sized window. Sure enough, though it was dark outside, blue light from a nearby pathway lamp lit up tiny cascading waterfalls down the thick pane.

“How fucking ironic,” she whispered.

Chloe called in sick the next day to work. She wasn’t positive why, she simply knew that the exasperation of her most mundane course of existence would eventually wear whatever mere being she had left into the shell of a personality akin to that of a tired old cat.

The events of the past two days had stirred in her a sort of awakening for what it felt like to experience happenstances outside of her citadel of repetitive routine and emotional hibernation. Though it was not the most merry or enjoyable topics to mull over, she found herself wrapped in reflection often and began finding a need to force herself not to dwell on it so much as not to overthink to the point of obsession.

The urge to constantly check in on her odd rescue-project was difficult to quash but necessary. Chloe reminded herself that her relationship was barely visible with this human being--all she had done was let her stay the night and drive her into the city. They had barely even conversed. Still, the event had shaken her, and she had little else to think about. She convinced herself to only inquire into Beca’s situation in two days time when she was sure Beca had become a little more settled. She was confident that Flo was good hands and that she would care for her guest appropriately, especially since now she would be living above the cafe.

Except that Chloe found a bracelet resting on the coffee table by her couch that wasn’t hers. So she kind of had to go back to the cafe. Kind of.

It had taken the entire remainder of the day and most of the next to finally situate Beca into a somewhat habitable situation. After Chloe had left, Flo closed up early and she and her new employee spent several hours behind the counter and in the bakery as she showed her the ropes. Beca was happy to see how surprised and pleased Flo was at Beca’s natural agility and skill around the oven and the baked goods. Flo easily taught her to bake the four most popular pastries, specific to her family’s recipes, and how to make four of the simplest drinks on the menu to start out, as well as her way around the cash register. As the day came to a close, they left the cafe to rush their way through several more monotonous but still critical errands like setting up both a bank account and a small, temporary mobile phone. They stopped at Flo’s apartment a few doors down from the cafe before calling it a night and Flo piled Beca’s arms with enough food to last for a week or so. The following morning, Beca set out on her own to blunder her way through a T.J.Maxx and a shopping center to find some clothes that were--well, some clothes. Once she returned to the cafe they worked a little past 6:00 which came oddly fast (her orientation of time and its passing were still muddled and the work at Flo’s came naturally to her.)

Succeeding the whirlwind of toil they had conducted over the past two days, Flo expeditiously suggested that a trip downtown was in order and after twenty minutes of walking briskly through the chill of the celebratory evening, the pair dropped into two rotating stools in a colorfully-lit bar home to some very happy and boisterous company. It had been so long since Beca had had any alcohol, so she ordered the most obnoxious drink on the menu and four jello shots to split between them.

“So, first real day back! How are you feeling?”

Beca sipped her syrupy cocktail and grimaced at the unaccustomed flavor of alcohol.

“I don’t know. Everything’s kinda’ blurry right now, but my brain is sort of slacking off a little in the staying-awake-during-the-regular-daytime department. The time difference is so much more insane than when you swap from different time zones on earth ‘cause there are an extra four hours of daytime and an extra two of night. There aren’t sunsets either, the sky just goes black for a while which is actually really depressing.”

“Wait, so, do you have, like, powers or anything? Can you fly? You don’t have a halo, right?” Beca again decided to refrain from divulging her distressing ordeal concerning her glowing appendages. She had blissfully forgotten about that situation until Flo had mentioned powers, which threw her in a temporary whirlpool of apprehensive unease.

“Not really, and no, I can’t fly. I mean, I can kinda’ tell when something is wrong with whoever I’m guarding, and I can slow down time by a couple of seconds, but that takes so much energy and I can only use it in emergencies. And you know about bringing the memories back, but that’s only if the memories have been taken away by heaven. They mostly spent time training us how to deal with any situation; so like, CPR, difficult-situation negotiation tactics, advanced martial arts and stuff.”

“Oh. That is boring.”

“Yeah, kind of.” Beca sipped her drink again which was less foul the second round, but still jarring.

“So how does this-” She gesticulated vaguely at Beca’s body which she understood as metaphorical- “work anyways?”

“Oh, well after you die, you can request to be a guardian and they put you through this huge crash course for protecting a human. After training you’re assigned one person to guard on earth for their whole life, starting whenever heaven thinks that person needs the most guidance. Sometimes that means bumping into them and becoming best friends with them or marrying and growing old with them. Sometimes you never even meet them in person, just help them from afar. You do what heaven dictates is best for them, so no complicated attachments. When they die, your memory is replaced in the mind of everyone you’ve ever met as someone else, so no one will recognize you when you go back to earth and you get sent back to heaven and reverted to the age you died to start with another assignment. You can never, um, retire or whatever, and apparently you can only stop once you’ve worn out your brain. And then they, you, know, cease you ‘cause you’re no good to them anymore.”

“Shit.” Flo had sat through staring at the dark brick wall behind the bar with a blank expression enunciating her contemplation of what Beca had revealed.

“‘Shit’ is right. I guess it sounds kind of cool when I describe it, but when I thought I was actually going to have to do it for, like, thousands of years, I was really fuckin’ bummed, dude.”

“Understandable. But you hacked the heaven system, how does that work?”

“Yeah, hacked, or something. I don’t even know if they’ll be able to tell. They’re supposed to be able to connect with their angels but I severed that attachment when I changed my assignment. I think they-” Flo brought Beca’s expatiations to an abrupt halt, holding up her palm to signify silence and raising her phone to her ear, an apologetic glance tossed in Beca’ direction.

“Chloe! Hi! What’s up?” Speak of the devil. Beca squirmed a little on her stool at the sound of Chloe’s voice on the other end. She couldn’t quite make out what she was saying, but she didn’t sound particularly troubled. Even so...

“Oh, okay. We’re at a bar downtown right now…uh huh. Yeah, she is all settled, we finished a few hours ago.”

Flo removed her phone from her ear and hid it under her chin to bring her attention to Beca. “She says she has a bracelet of yours?”

“Oh, um. I guess? I don’t really remember having one but-”

“She says it is not hers.”

“No, Flo, I said it might be.”

“Okay...it is hers. You can drop it off at the café. Anything else?”

Beca seized Flo’s phone from her grasp. “Will you give us a sec’ Chloe?” She placed it on mute.

“Hey! What?!” Flo scrambled and stretched, trying desperately to reclaim her confused friend on the other end of the line, but Beca held it out of her reach, exasperated.

“Flo, why are you being like this?!”

Flo sighed heavily off of an exaggerated voiced inhale and rested her hands on Beca’s arm. Beca grew uncomfortable with the sudden sincerity in her voice.

“Okay, listen. Beca, I know you did not come back for the Bellas. I know you just came back for Chloe. I think you really need some time to adjust on earth before you do anything rash. I don’t think you should be getting too close to her and I think that you are idealizing your situation. Por el amor de Dios, Chloe doesn’t even know who you are! You need to slow your ass down, girl! We have the Bella reunion soon. You can wait that long at least.”

Beca chewed on her lip thoughtfully. This was the first vocal confirmation of what she had been refraining from thinking over fully past the whispered voice of reason behind a closet door barely ajar in the very recesses of her mind. For the thousandth time that day she swallowed the reflection of how careless and hasty her actions had been.

Beca had never dwelled so long and hard over someone or something as she had over Chloe whilst in heaven. Only her mother’s death came as remotely close a subject to how ruthlessly Beca obsessed (Obsess - used very much in the dictionary sense; not lightly. See also; beset, consume, haunt, etc.) over Chloe and her accident. Considering this, a complete and detailed plan would definitely make sense in this context; however, obsession to this point considers little factual influence in a non-idealized, material world. Hence, Beca’s rash behavior and her reactions to Chloe in palpable physical situations.

“Okay... maybe you’re right. I guess I was really weighing everything on Chloe liking me for me, and not all the stuff we shared in the past, you know? Sorry about not saying anything about it, and I really am so happy to see you. I love you so much. All of you. Please don’t think I didn’t come back for you guys. You mean everything to me, we’re family. I just, you know... Please schedule the reunion soon?”

“Yes. Fine, I will.” Beca slowly retracted her arm and placed the phone in Flo’s expectant (but now softened and more sympathetic) outstretched palm. She unmuted the call.

“Hi, Chloe, sorry about that, drunk asshole was bothering us. You can bring the bracelet to the reunion. By the way, do we have some dates for that yet? Aubrey should be here this month, right? Yes. No, uh-huh. Okay great, perfect, text the group-chat about it? Okay, bye!” She hung up and grinned at Beca. “Two weeks, as long as everyone is free!”

“Ugh, dude what am I gonna’ do in the meantime?”

“Well, I know that you only came back for-,” Beca threw her a glare and Flo surrendered, hands in the air. “Sorry, right, a couple reasons, and it is all you have got your heart set on, but you need to take a few steps back. I have to say Beca, you really didn’t plan this very well. You need to establish a solid base here because this is your life now. You may be an angel, but if you think about it, I am, like, definitely a saint for doing all this for you.”

Beca flipped her off and returned to wincing down the copious amounts of fluid she had spent an annoying amount of cash on.

“For real though, you’re right. And I really... appreciate everything you’re doing for me Flo, it means a lot.” Flo smiled and nodded.

Perhaps if Chloe hadn’t felt so out of place, she would have asked Flo to let her join the girls at the bar. But for some reason, something about the phone call and the whole situation whispered a sense of exclusion -- well intentioned or not, she couldn’t tell. She hadn’t felt this socially anxious in a while. Her mental health was not even anything she had thought about in depth for a few years and she had long ago passively accepted the concept that with age came dampened emotions, and that such was a perfectly natural sequence. If nothing would ever give her real pleasure again, so be it.

Another walk. Another achingly familiar song. Another foot in front of the other. Another fifteen minutes later and she stood in front of a deep, deep dark pond, rocky banks powdered with grey-blue frost. The water reflected with the perfection of a mirror the nothingness of the ashy sky.

Chloe now stared into this nothingness -- the sort of staring where everything at once is what those who are staring can see, but they aren’t looking, just seeing and thinking. She stood, leaning slightly in a gentle trance as she remembered the time she had dived into this same water. She had choked and snorted through her nose as she had come up for air and swallowed some accidentally. A friend on the bank had been slumped over in hysterics at her fruitless efforts to cease wheezing and laughing and coughing and yelling at her friend to stop. In her mind she imagined that it was Beca who sat beside the water giggling at her. Stupid and weird that you’d think of her, she thought, but she couldn’t properly remember who it had really been, and the image of Beca fit comfortably well in the situation.

She closed her eyes and settled deeper into the memory, in place but outside of time. In vein, she tried to remember who had actually been there to witness the moment. She couldn’t even remember when it had happened. This was not a memory she had thought about in...well, truthfully, she had completely forgotten about it since it had happened. The age of the memory prevented her from remembering details. Only present, was the sweet feeling of the moment, a honey-like residue, resting delicately in her conscious.

She was now fully trying to convince herself, however, that Beca had not been there. She finally shook her head as if to dislodge the memory and sharply inhaled cold air, opening her eyes to see, hunched over on the side of the banks with chin rested on knees, none other than the subject of her specious nostalgia. Chloe blinked several times and recognized the figure to be but a log, dark and rubbed to clump from weather and wear. Now freaking herself out she rose swiftly and promptly speed walked for her home, holding herself firmly from looking around for fear of misreading another inanimate object.

She wasn’t there, obviously she wasn’t there. Just someone who reminds me of her, or looks like her. Obviously.

#soon goodbye now love #bechloe #bechloe fanfic #bechloe fanfiction #beca mitchel #chloe beale #Pitch Perfect #pitch perfect au

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arohawe · 7 years

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12 days too late

ummmmm hello folks she’s back 12 days later than intended to talk about how i’ve officially reached 1 year with this blog~~~~ ! so keep reading if u wanna see a gal be emo and soft and sentimental abt her blog and her friends !!!!!

im super emo now i actually can’t collect my thoughts at how much has happened in the past year, on AND off this blog.

i’ve grown so much as a person and grown so much on this blog i? i started out with about 2 followers and an extreme fear of talking to literally ANYONE !! for probably a few months i just reblogged and liked astro content and stayed up to date with them, since that’s how my blog started out: as a means of keeping up with and loving astro of course! i made my twitter in february, about a month before i started stanning seventeen. still more loyal to astro than anything tbh lol

then in may,,, i saw a post about this super groupchat?? an aroha chat?? took me like 4 days to get over my hesitation and join but lord... i made some of the best friends i had ever had in that chat and im sad to say i havent been there for months.. if you were a member or are still a member of aroha central (as I still am!) and you see this please know that I love you and miss you all and im so sorry for how distant ive been.... i hope to return soon <3.. the point being, it was the first time i’d broken out of my shell on here and tried to make some other aroha friends and it was honestly the best decision ive ever made. i really felt like a part of this giant loving family and it still makes me feel ecstatic

THAT WAS IN MAY!!!! and then ‘Baby’ came out and hoo boy we were all mESSES !!! what a good ass time holy crap, one of the best times of my life was being in that chat and all of us screaming over the music video and how astro almost got their first win ! such a memorable time, and on here, i was still growing and starting to branch out and talk to people which was so nic and eventually got me into another groupchat.........

THE STRONG BERRY CHAT !!! literally, wow, um, i can not explain how fucking scared i was to join lol. i heard, very close to their debut, about weki meki and was hooked. i wanted to know more but the lack of weme content on here was Astounding so i was just finding what i could until i saw a post (bless u MK if ur reading this) about a weme chat that was going to form! again, took me like a week to join i was TERRIFIED because it was, yet again, new and scary having to talk to people i had never met !

welp i finally joined it and !!!! lo and behold some of the actual best people ive ever met i would die for all of them thats the truth !!!! all u strong berry members out there if ur reading this i love the Heck outta u. i consider them my best friends ive laughed so much with them, ive cried with them, we went through periods of time where all we sent were weird ass voice notes to each other !! yall never fail to put a smile on my face it was seriously the best. i continue to have so much fun with all of them and now i realize i havent been back to the chat until literally Tonight. you guys have helped me and supported me so much and this chat is a place i consider a home. yall are so important to me i want you to know that.

!!!! then came literally another group chat lmao. at this point i seriously,, i just loved the friendships i made and i saw an opportunity to not only help me but help others and thats when i became a part of the aroha study group (MORE NEW FRIENDS!!!! ) which tbh isn’t much of a study group but they have DEFINITELY helped me with my math homework on plenty of occasions and im GRATEFUL. to yall: u guys make me so happy im sorry i havent been back in a while,, u guys have recommended so many great books and helped me with my homework and talking to all of you actually seriously makes my day i miss yall ill be back soon <3 i love u all to the MOON.

and then,,,,,,,,, i hit 1k. this was one of the biggest shockers, and im still wondering how tf 1k people followed me but i love every single one of you, yall make me happy EVERY DAY !!!! so here i am, at 1k with like 8 sideblogs it seems like this is more than i had ever imagined doing, i didn’t expect this blog to become such an integral piece of myself.

seriously back on january 8th, the birth of this blog, i never would have imagined meeting the wonderful people that ive had a pleasure to talk to and become frineds with and just, overall feel so welcome in this community and i love you all so muhc. you guys have made my tumblr experience completely worthwhile and i cant wait to spend another year with you all. thank you for one of the best years ever, simply because you were all a part of it <3 <3 <3

~~ jamie

#tl;dr : happy late 1 year anniversary to my blog so many things happened i made so many new friends and i love u all unconditionally !!!!!!#edit: i posted this on desktop but the keep reading drop down is not on mobile so im ssorry if u have to scroll all the way through it !!! :#can u see why i said this was soft and emo ??#bless u if u read the whole thing i started rambling but im so happy and i love u all so much this was completely necessary for me to do #bless u all !!#me being thankful for every single one of u and for astro #soft sessions with jamie

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survivor-themyscira-blog · 7 years

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My tribe SEEMS nice so far, but it's weird how there are so many meninists here instead of women fighters. When I win, it's gonna be funny because I'll literally ruin Wonder Woman's legacy

I AM SO PUMPED TO BE PLAYING! I really like a lot of the people I'm playing with and I really want to get to know people I don't know already and if merge DOES happen I really want to work closely with Emily and make her my number one! I'm so excited, I can't wait for this to be another great season, woohoo! <3

okay, my number one on my tribe as of right now is going to be JACK! we played in another game together and I didn't speak to him until like right before I got booted, and I tried to flirt with him to keep me so this time we're going to work with one another FROM THE BEGINNING! But believe me, when it's time to merge or tribe swap?? EMILY is gonna be my number one! Also... talking to JG is like talking to a wall look- [10/11/17, 10:55:41 PM] JG Carse (SirDragon) 🐉: Heyyyy [10/11/17, 10:56:00 PM] Ruthie: hey! how are you? [10/11/17, 10:56:18 PM] JG Carse (SirDragon) 🐉: Great [10/11/17, 10:56:41 PM] Ruthie: that’s good! i’m so excited for this season! I HATE ONE WORD ANSWERS MORE THAN ANYTHING UGH. also I doubt I'll ever write this many confessionals so...... i'm also looking forward to working with logan he is one of my FAVES! but i don't want to rely on people I've known before so I really hope I get to know everyone better.

Oh GROSS did I really flirt with a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD in that other game, why did I think Jack was like 22 or something, EW. anyway he's still going to be my number one this season! why am I still making confessionals

There Charlotte. Now you have something to read. How could you put me on the same tribe as Kai and Andreas?

It's been an hour and I still don't know what the fuck is going on.

Holy shit, I was hoping this would be a nice return to TS and it did not disappoint! I mean, sure, I was only gone for a short while, but still. So far, my tribe looks amazing, and I really wanna get to talk with some of them more. I'm excited to meet with Billy and Jack once we merge or swap, and it'd be nice to play a game with Madison for once! There's one weird thing, though. Jordan Pines volunteered to be my goat. Yes, you read that right.

My name is Jaiden Hantz and I have something to say...! So I found the Ares Helmet, a super hidden immunity idol. The catch is, it can only be played at the first tribal!!! Damn! As shitty as it is, I don't really want to go to the first tribal. I want Jordan Pines to go home first more than anything, so I'll pray for the best possible outcome. This kind of power falling into my hands is SUCH a fun twist because I'm the only player that would actually use it at the first tribal council if given the opportunity. While not quite at Bahamas level of record time to find an advantage, I'll take what I can get here. I TRULY want to win this game because I need some redemption from Bahamas, so let's do what I can to get there. I don't need to play Athena eleven times to win (my main seasons are SHAKING). Let's get it done.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2epIBobywQ&feature=youtu.be

Welcome to Themyscira! We have NO FREAKING IDOLS

I swear to god I'm going to rip my hair out I did that gosh darn puzzle it took me half an hour (probably why I didn't find it) and I discover that it is... not there. On 10/11/17, at 11:43 PM, charlotte (themyscira host) wrote: > Unfortunately there is nothing left to find. Sorry! Nothing hurts my heart more. Anyways, other than knowing that the idol is already in play and that I don't have it, things are going well. I know Rhone, Jordan, and Toph (three men... ew) so I already have connections with them. They have all come to me separately talking about working together and I'm like nut sure but if they ask me to vote out a girl then I'm cutting them lol This season like I'm only looking out for me and my girls ya know what I'm saying I love women I like Madeline she seems fun and I want to be her friend and I also like Nicholas. Kai has yet to respond to me but I love inactives because they're an easy vote jfdkfaslka I'm just hoping we win this first immunity so we don't have to go to tribal and... risk being the first boot. I'd cry. Also this is ICONIC I was playing in a game with Jordan at like 10:30, got voted out (5 [me] to 2 [Madison, who I believe is on the other tribe fjlskdfklas]), and now I'm on another tribe with him at like 10:35. He voted me out like five minutes ago and then HAHAHAHA I'M BACK I HOPE YOU MISSED ME! I love selfie scavenger hunts because like omg I love selfies and I love scavenger hunts so like it's a major nut. I also see that the hosts want us to lip sync to a song... they're most definitely going to put all our videos together so like I'm going all out I gotta look cute and I gotta get er done well. Oh just a reminder that Lily, Madeline, and I are making merge 100% and if people try to vote us out I'm literally gonna be like remember when this was supposed to be an all female season yeah let us have it and um they gotta! It's just the tea! I'm a little grossed out at how many boys there are but I am just letting it be known that merge will be all girls and that's that on that. Okay I'm ending this with a quote from Toph: Me: I'm going to be PG in this confession. I'm going to replace my curse words with more appropriate words Toph: Like moist? This game is so freaking moist!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHgjh-NrLSU&feature=youtu.be

Okay but like Lily is already speaking my language: On 10/12/17, at 12:33 AM, Emily wrote: > are we like 2/3 girls on this tribe On 10/12/17, at 12:33 AM, Lily M-seq (Sunda Islands Host) wrote: > i think we are On 10/12/17, at 12:33 AM, Emily wrote: > wow gross On 10/12/17, at 12:33 AM, Lily M-seq (Sunda Islands Host) wrote: > gross indeed On 10/12/17, at 12:34 AM, Emily wrote: > hopefully one day there’ll be all girls On 10/12/17, at 12:34 AM, Lily M-seq (Sunda Islands Host) wrote: > tru! > how would u feel about an all girls alliance > or at least a Hippolyta girls alliance On 10/12/17, at 12:36 AM, Emily wrote: > I would nut Lily can like... get it! And SO CAN MADELINE I LOV HER TOO SHE'S SO NICE WTF i just want to be her best friend like wow I love the 2 other girls on this tribe and no doubt about it I'm making an all girls alliance with them at some point. I love women this whole confession is dedicated to how much I love Lily and Madeline ALREADY

Ughhhh i just got the worst advantage ever. The lasso of truth. It reveals who voted who in a tribal of my choice. I guess if i use it efficiently it would work well but Kai is not a strategic bunny so. Everyone on my tribe seems great so far but theyre asleep so im gonna assume theyre great arent i. I know a few people too so hopefully.those relationships carry me.

Logan

aaaaaa ill make a real confessional soon but aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I hate jordan pines

MADELINO AND KAILET FOR THE WIN.

For me the challenge is going alright, I'm about to upload a few more picture and a couple videos. I'm not much concerned with how everyone else has been handling it, it seems pretty straight forward. I hope we win cause I don't want to risk being first boot and that becoming my worst placement ever after going 1st then 5th in my two other games. As far as tribe interactions go, Nicholas and I seem to have similar academic pursuits, that could be a bonding thing or turn each other against ourselves in a late game scenario(not even close to that so I won't worry to much, just keep it in the back of my mind for now.) Toph has talked a little to me, but I'm hesitant to try to push for more at this stage, Emily is a sweetheart, Madeline seems chill, JORDAN PINES I've heard a lot about him and would rather him be with me than against me. Lily has said much to me, and it looks like there will be no chance of a Kuang Si Alliance as Andreas and Kai have given me the cold shoulder.

Alright!!! Hello everyone and welcome to The Mascara. That wasn't funny and so won't be anything you'll be reading from here on out, but that is okay because I say so. Soooo, I wasn't here at the first day but I am here now and I am happy to see that I am teamed with Ian! I love the guy, even if he's a powerhouse and will be a threat later on. But why care about that now... right? Besides Ian, I've only been able to chat with Emily and Jordan Pines so far and I think I've given them a glance into the abyss of my personality. I'm also excited to eventually meet up with JG again. Please mind that I am still very new to ORG's, so I still need to learn a lot. :-* ---- The first challenge sounds amazing but I don't think I can get a lot done, but I'll do as many as I can do today. I want to carry my own burden, so nobody can say I am not trying. That'll be all for now, thanks for watching the Andreas Show! Cheers!

I am the only one that has turned any of my selfie things in and it is SO frustrating, COME ON TRIBE, get your shit together!

Andreas is a lil weird but I like it he’s like teaching me how to cook pasta like #thankyou and he also told me I’m doing well on the challenge and I’m happy! He said the people that aren’t doing the challenge will like first boot so that’s reassuring that ya know won’t go home first woooo. Also like I just love Madeline so much and I want to be her best friend she’s so nice and wow. Like she already is like telling me she loves me and I’m like https://tmblrsurvivorextra.tumblr.com/post/166363315731 (credits to duncan for making this gif of me)

I hope Jordan Pines gets 2nd place again!

Let's do a little cast assessment jush. Idgaf about the other tribe but I love this tribe so thank you so much for not fucking me over like Tumblr Survivor loves doing ok: Jordan Pines - I actually want to sincerely work with Jordan this season because I will absolutely stomp him at FTC if I can get him there, and he'll always be targeted before me. So I'm treating him like my ride or die and so far we're making all decisions together. He's a really sweet person but he is so annoying at times it borders on disturbing. Madeline - Ok what a fucking queen, I love that we're the same age and just have similar senses of humor and stuff, plus she's new to the community so she'll want allies and Jordan and I are happy to be that for her. I love ha. Emily - Love ha too, queen of sincerity, queen of me knowing her game inside and out bc I just hosted her for 27 days and she does like SO many confessionals so I know all of her tea lmao. She could be a liability down the line but premerge she's good to have in my camp. Lily - So great and it's been forever since I've last seen her so I'm really happy she's here. Me her and Jordan all worked together in a game once upon a time and that didn't end too great so this can be our REDEMPTION. Nicholas - Nicholas is such a bae and my friend but literally where is he lmfao.

Kai - Really really sweet but we haven't talked a ton yet, probably gonna work with him. Toph - He's nice but we just haven't connected. I can't be promising everyone that I'll work w them if we end up going to TC you know? Which leaves... Andreas - Yeah he hasn't added me back yet yet has done like a ton of the selfies for the challenge so Idk what the deal is there. Survivor is a really difficult game and all I want is to go as far as I can while staying true to myself. My Achilles heel has always been my self-doubt and second-guessing tendencies so I'm trying to nip that in the bud right now and take advantage of a very advantageous premerge situation for me. I'm dreading a swap bc I barely even know who's on the other tribe but we'll just have to wait and see!

Honestly I’m pretty happy with the tribe so far even tho I’ve made no connections and my flop ass will probably be first boot

Not to be rude or anything but we have two hours where the fuck are Lily, Nicholas, and Rhone

RIP JG. Sucks to have to quit the game early, and it doubly sucks what he's going through. Obviously I'm a bit relieved to be safe after contributing a lot to the team's score and watching us get demolished, but it's certainly not a good omen for things to come.

Jordan is really nice I’m just reluctant to work with him. But like ya know I think I’m gonna anyway because I hate myself. But also um I need to talk to Madeline and Lily about that all girls thing lol I can’t not make an all girls alliance this game u know like. I just can’t not

I also told Jordan about the idol being missing when I completed the idol puzzle and he seemed surprised but ... he also could be lying. He said he didn’t even know we could search yet. And I don’t know if I believe it but hmm I’ll consider it

It’s just kinda annoying that Jack is being rude to me about us losing. Like I could’ve either done nothing or get us another 20 points - tops. Sorry that we lost but we don’t actually have to go to tribal council, SO check your attitude mister! I take full responsibility for not submitting. I don’t know what I was thinking, I KNEW it was due today but it just didn’t occur to me that it was actually due I guess. I’m shaken up. I feel terrible that JG had to leave but I hope he’s doing okay :( I kinda want to see what would happen if we DID lose a challenge though. Tribal council is an interesting place to be, I wouldn’t mind going there myself..

Imagine being spared as first boot by a med-evac? Truly a miracle! But I feel like even if JG hadn't left, Raymond/Jaiden would've been bigger targets to leave since they didn't do the challenge. Right now I'm hoping that the relationships i have with Logan and Dan from before this game can keep me afloat. Tbh I would rather be with the other tribe. They seem cuter to me.

OH ALSO WE WON SJSBSJSNS I FORGOT TO CONFESS ABOUT THAT AND I GOT THE MOST POINTS OUT OF EVERYONE AND J GET A SPECIAL THING but there was nothing in my matches #rig

I'm really digging this game so far. My tribe is super active and nice. I feel bad that I'm not around much, but I'm hoping once things calm down I'll be able to hang out more.

#whatidoisnotuptoyou #athena11 #episodes

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mystery-snail · 7 years

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hello it’s time for Whine Time ™ (kind of private maybe dont read, its just me bitching about some stuff but if you have dealt with the gross/ugly sides of depression or anxiety and you genuinely feel you have advice that might help go ahead. but i promise this isn’t anything juicy or interesting, it just felt good to vent while i waited for my homework to upload)

so ive been having some shitty fallouts after i came home and returned to school after surgery. i had tried to plan ahead (i did all my homework ahead of time, made sure i stayed in touch with teachers, got extensions, etc). but the recovery was a whole week more than it was supposed to be and i spent that week lazing around and playing games when i could have been catching up

ive been so freaked out about everything that ive completely fallen off the radar. i feel like im faking all of this and everyones going to find out that im not smart or organized or happy when they see me fail. im supposed to graduate in may and my mom wants to have a party, and she said she’d do all the planning, but every ten minutes is an email or a text demanding i drop everything and help. i tried saying i cant and she didnt even adknowledge it. i have so many projects due and appointments with doctors and i have already made a commitment to return to work tomorrow. i cant leave work again (i was gone for 2 weeks and theyre slammed, understaffed, its only a 2 hour shift etc)

my life has fallen apart and im doing stuff ive never done when im depressed. my room is full of food garbage and its starting to smell. my bed is covered in clothes but i dont even know whats clean or dirty. i dont sleep because i get so anxious and guilty that im not doing homework or working on something. my floor is a mess and i cant even make myself take care of my body. i havent brushed my hair in almost 3 days. i wear the same jeans, hoodie, and shoes every day because i cant take time to care. i cant even eat. i have been drinking meal replacement shakes and eating toast. sometimes i can eat small things or soft things, like nuts and jello. my body feels terrible but taking time to cook or even sit down and eat feels like im being lazy

my boyfriend says to just chill out and everything will be okay. but if i relax i feel worse - chilling out wont help. ill be so freaked out the whole time that i wont actually be relaxing or taking a break, just laying still and mentally planning all the ways i can cram all my obligations into my long day. i do it every night until i fall asleep, if i even manage to. then im so tired the next day that im afraid people will notice im not happy or confident or put together like they all say i am, and im gonna let them all down and make them all mad when they find out im not good at anything at all

i dont even know where to start. cleaning my room takes time i could spend on homework. eating takes too much time also, and i dont even feel hungry anyway. my stomach hurts but i dont care enough to pay attention and eventually it goes away. my homework isnt stuff i can bang out in quick succession, but ive been trying. i do a response during my break instead of eating. i read when i walk between classes. i stay up late until i cant think right and then when i try to sleep i just cant relax, so i stay up later and try to get progress done.

i feel like i set myself up months ago with all these obligations and now im just being torn in every direction by all the expectations around me. 2 semester-long projects due in a few weeks. one semester long paper, and the next section is due tuesday. a semester long 2 day lesson plan that must be completed in extreme detail, due soon. two group projects coming up, but none of us have talked about anything, read anything, or even contacted each other. i had a group teach tonight - i had to make the whole lesson plan (and we were still late to turn it in) all night last night and didnt sleep until 5 something, and then woke up at 630 cause my mom texted me with party stuff again. now i have weekly essays to do, weekly responses, weekly online posts (and now those arne’t just single posts, they’re groups of 11 threads i have to watch videos in, analyze, and respond to. this week it took 6 hours to do them all and i have to do it all again next week). i have to read all of a book on teaching ethic so i can present that in ANOTHER group project in a few weeks. I have to distribute my big fiction piece tomorrow and i already printed it (13 copies, 300 pages total) but i realized i forgot to update it with a title and cant spare the time before class to print new first pages, so i have to stay up tonight and annotate the actual title, cross out the untitled label, and then sit through the critique on monday when everyone says it was unprofressional i didnt have a title and i get marked down

ive missed so much class and work and i can say no to anyone. i feel guilty for everything and i recognize im falling apart and this isnt okay but i cant ask for help, i dont want to, i cant make it happen. i feel like i dont deserve anything and i did this to myself, i chose this. its all gonna fall apart and im the only one to blame.

i dont even know where to start in getting control back. ive never had this kind of breakdown before. everyone keeps saying ‘oh well you had major surgery you have to relax and take it slow’ but they dont understand. they feel bad for me cause they think im someone who deserves a break, but i got 2 weeks to be lazy and do nothing. they all think im on top of everything and that i can manage more time off, but i cant. i cant just step away because if i do i fail everything. i got all A’s last semester and now everyone expects me to do it again, but ill be lucky to graduate. i have a’s right now but its all gonna fall apart soon. stuff is falling through the cracks and im trying to compensate by ignoring other stuff, like food and sleep. but im so afraid ill fumble and lose something more important and ill fail a class and not graduate. i already forgot my advising appointment yesterday because im fucking stupid and was distracted with playing on tumblr between classes

i just cant get the control back. i deserve this and i dont know how to fix it. its my fault and i have to deal with it all

my depression doesnt manifest like this. its always binge-eating and changing my life positively to fight back. but i cant fight this time. i cant eat and i cant sleep. i cant focus and i cant even prioritize all the stuff im juggling

i just dont know what to do any more.

#maybe dont read #its kind of personal #its really just me complaining #but if you feel you have solid advice on coping let me know

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