#ilu dad drag anon

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: OKAY, SO. without going off on a huge tangent of Backstory™, someone i’m in a discord server with said that i should “bully a congress member” like, on the internet. and i told my mom about the “bully a congressperson” idea, and she was all like “oMg, YoU’rE gOnNa GeT iN tRoUbLe FoR tHaT!” and i said, “pshhht, only if i threaten ‘em! it’s not illegal to just straight-up insult ‘em! as long as i don’t say i’m gonna do anything, then legally i’m in the clear - like, if i just call mitch mcconnell stinky there’s nothing they can do about it.” and my mom said “oh, yeah. alright, i’ll allow it” so, yeah, i went on twitter and called mitch mcconnell stinky lmao

happy fourth of july to a true American hero

[theringers]

V-card anon: hi sorry about that first ask i kinda went into a fugue state (spelling?) altered state of reality maybe when i wrote that and damn near outlined a fic in your inbox

The way we played hot seat was either part of a larger drinking game when a certain card was pulled from a deck, or just on it's own. You sit in a circle, everyone has a drink, usually a beer or cider. In the card pull version, the one who pulls the card gets asked a question by every person playing and if they refuse to answer they drink from their drink. In the standalone, you do that but everyone gets a turn being asked until people get bored and leave. Fun way to find out shit about people. Usually the unwritten rule is that you can't lie. I imagine everyone sitting on shitty chouches and chairs in a semi circle around a table full of cups and bottles playing it

Questions i have been asked: are you a top or bottom? Do you like anal? Wheres the weirdest place you've fucked? Body count? Favorite position (sexual)? Fuck marry kill/ignore people in this room (EVERY TIME I PLAYED I GOT THIS QUESTION)? Tits or ass or other? Favorite non sexual body part ex. Thigh? Ideal fuck buddy? Sex regrets? Etc

Also more weird details i have head cannoned out for some drivers and most likely does not fit with irl personalities, do with this what you will, use it or don't i just have feelings. Also everyone is like compressed in age to like 20-27ish except for some of the grid who i will just think of as younger alumns who come back:

Danny R: social chair, owns a jeep he takes the doors off of in the summer, walks girls home at night to make sure they're ok, tries to DJ house events and is rebuffed by literally everyone, has like 30 pairs of vans you trip over in his room, stolen roadsigns everywhere, masters in something arigcultural or physiological, cutoff frat shirts for days, fuckboy but nice, a bit cringe, will drive around with you at night so you can scream, met reader bc she had a band tee on and wanted to talk to her about it (no gatekeeping)

Charles: some kind of engineering or math degree but no one has any idea how the fuck he's gotten so far, 4.0 never studies, games with other house members, will show up at events randomly you will have no idea how he gets on your couch but he is there, the best and worst taste in clothes, is the only one allowed to play the piano in the house, sweet, cannot help you with studies but is always down for helping you out after, has to be reminded to clean stuff, disaster bi, reader met his gf first and they probably met through that

Pierre: good fashion and music taste, shirt is gone halfway through the night, also fuckboy but wholesome, actually studies, plays a sport for sure probably soccer in some way either club or Division he's too good for rec, will hold your hair back so you can throw up, will tell you your outfit sucks, good at math, also part of the squad that games, econ major, workout buddies with reader anday have taken a math class together

Max: is part of the hockey team he will go pro, also actually studies, got into gaming because of Charles, has the nicest car, is serious until he gets a couple drinks in him, he and Daniel are close and roomed together at some point, owns like 30 sets of the same outfit a white tee and jeans, knows reader through Dan and they get dragged by him to some of the same stuff

Lando: is a pledge or new member his big is Carlos, undeclared major, just happy to be here, gaming squad, used to play lacrosse or something equally obscure, king of knowing where the good snacks are, weirdly good at beer pong, growing into a fuckboy wholesomeness level tbd, probably sweet with reader as she helped him through a blackout or something, met her because she's basically house mom for some of the new boys (the kind of mom who will teach you to do laundry or iron ONCE)

Carlos: hockey flow but does not play hockey, actually studies and is smarter than what people give him credit for, came from a private high school and uni really opened his horizons, also good study buddy, gets along with most people, goes to office hours the most out of the actually studies gang, fun at parties, owns the frat dogs, he and reader met at Office hours (they were the only students) and found they had mutual friends too

Lewis: is/was president of frat, great grades greater bod, did full evolution from fuckboy to good man, has the back tests and the moral support, up for late noght talks about life, definitely was a D1 athlete, best fashion game, implemented no hazing policy, fits into notable alum or PhD category

Mick: undergrad like Lando, also plays soccer or something, too sweet, also walks girls home/holds your hair back etc, cleans parts of the house that aren't his responsibility, higher alcohol tolerance than you expect, everyone is bizarrely protective of him, legacy member (his dad was a legend), drives a motorbike around campus and can't decide between law and psychology, actually studies, met reader through the frat and she would die for him, brings her to class on the bike sometimes because the bike is faster

George: business major, frat treasurer, three ring binder business casual in class kind of guy, nice enough, shirt comes off when drunk, runs marathons and a podcast about investments, best notes in the game and great study partner, actually studies, is drinking monster at 6AM but not because he stayed up late, he and reader met through the frat and sometimes drink wine and bitch together

Lance: hockey player, legacy member, studies sometimes, sarcasm on point, great at stack cup, very chill, knows every good nap spot on campus, also has high alcohol tolerance, is the kind of person who does well in the cold but does not like it, wears headphones so people don't talk to him, great one on one but not in crowds, business major and minor in computer science, probably also met thru Lance's gf but vibe as more introverted people and will cover for each other if one does not want to go out

Nicky: a good boy, part of the walks people home squad, sets up designated drivers for parties, good snack game, future in medical field, good listener, pretty good study buddy, midnight snack enabler, met reader through frat and his gf he and reader are on babysitting duty together sometimes when others get too drunk/high

Yuki: also a pledge or new, majoring in games or computer science as they gave me the same energy as him, games squad, bit of a mad lad, has several stolen street signs, good, met reader through frat and Yuki is the only one patient enough to explain some games to reader, they cuss people out on mic

Esteban: good man, has a full ride scholarship, actually studies, also good study buddy, Dan's little, plays soccer but maybe on a rec team because he prioritizes school, very sweet guy as well, probably chose a really practical major/dual major, met reader through Dan and are also dragged similar places by him

Antonio: manbun, philosophy or classics major possibly business dual, generally good natured but can be seen supplying his own wine at parties, used to be really into metal but kept the hair, does not know that people find him attractive, soccer boi, met reader through frat and she's the only one who will (pretend) to listen to him rant about philosophy

Alex Albon: another full scholarship guy, somehow gets along with everyone, switched majors due to an asshole professor, electrical engineering or computer engineering, actually studies, helps with frat pets,will show you pictures of his cats at home, sweetie, another contender for will hold your hair or walk you home, probably met reader through a class or club and found they had mutual friends and that reader is friends with his gf

Notable alums:

Checo - dad, successful in finance somehow (he looks like an really successful accountant of CFO to me idk why)

Kimi - dad but people forget he is, holds the record for most drinks in 24 hours that will never be come close to by anyone else, shows up on random alum weekends with 2 kegs, legally cannot tell you what he does or he would actually have to murder you

Valterri - was good at a sport when he was there, now a very effective lead engineer at an architectural firm

Seb - environmental or mechanical engineering, all around good guy with someone the best grades in frat history

Alonso - legendary for sexual exploits (consensual)

Anyone I put as actually studies is probably the type reader would hang around for more serious stuff/schoolwork and would probably be closer to, with the exception of Dan bc I feel like he'd be like we're friends now :)) we shall hang or Charles bc he will just show up. I also imagine she has a pretty good friendship with any existing gf, however if a driver does have a gf and he is the love interest sorry bb girl u gotta go for the purposes of this fic

Sorry this is so long hahaaaaaaa glad you liked my Charles thoughts ilu

i honestly wasn’t going to share this like the rest of the anon asks i’ve gotten that i keep close to my heart but this was just too good to keep to myself.

LOOK! AT! THIS!

f1 drivers as frat bros/college students headcannon

i’m writing a series - each “chapter” will be a smut with a different frat bro and i’m hoping to post a sneak peek this week some time but here’s something to hold you over and give you some ideas

to my vcard anon - i appreciate this so much. my inbox is always open for ur thoughts bc they are SO GOOD !! can’t wait for you to read the first part of the series bby

PS if some of this doesn’t make sense to u feel free to send in asks (i know a lot of this is focused on american college culture so if u don’t get it i’m happy to explain)

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: all things considered, my parents’ divorce is going about as well as can be expected, and by that i mean anyone who’s new to the blog is about to learn why my nom de plume is “dad drag anon” because THIS MAN!!! is getting on my last nerve! i got woken up at 8am this morning by my poor mother calling me in tears to make sure i was doing okay because my dad tried to make her feel guilty for leaving him (YET AGAIN) by saying he was worried about me not handling the divorce well because i don’t ever come out of my room anymore. first of all, i never really come out of my room that often at all unless i have a reason to because all (or at least most) of my stuff is in my room and i’m simply just vibing, my dude! i have both adhd AND autism—neither of which he’s made a real effort to understand or accommodate, ever, and i was diagnosed in my preteens/early teens—i will sit in this room and hyperfocus on something for hours and be happy as a fucking clam! second, he wouldn’t actually know whether or not i’ve been handling the divorce well because he doesn’t fucking talk to me about it either, unless he’s blaming or badmouthing my mom, which i of course immediately shut down and change the subject on because No™, so then he uses that interaction as the basis for his claim that i’m not handling the divorce well. third, i don’t think it’s ever occurred to him that maybe, just fucking maybe, the reason i stay in my room all the time and don’t talk to him about stuff is because he’s a manipulative asshole who does shit like make mom feel guilty for no reason instead of examining his own behavior and taking responsibility for it like a grown adult.

i'm so sorry, living with an overgrown child is not what you or your mom deserve. i'm glad you have a safe place in your house---i wish you didn't need it and i wish your dad had some basic understanding of the house dynamics and that he's driving his own kid away, but i'm so glad you're vibing and having a good time.

you start school soon, right? i'm sorry that i can't keep track, but is this your last year?

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: boy HOWDY have i got an update for you. so my parents are FINALLY finally finally officially actually going through the process of getting their divorce. finally. whew. dad is being… Dad™ about it and doesn’t seem to realize that his life does not simply happen to him and that sometimes his experiences are the consequences of his own actions, so he’s having a bit of a difficult time adjusting, but the day either right before or right after my mom told him she was filing for divorce, he pulled me into a (one-sided) discussion in which he started badmouthing my mom and my late maternal grandmother and i immediately called him out and shut him down, and he hasn’t done that ever since, so i think he’s beginning to come around. and a couple weeks before all of that, i FINALLY got an official diagnosis for the tendon issue i have in my right leg and my orthopedist confirmed i was right all along, in front of my mom, who’d been skeptical about the whole thing, so i’m obviously never letting her live that one down (/j) but i did physical therapy to rehab my knee and i feel GREAT!

wow, i’m pretty sure you brought up the divorce the very first time you messaged me, which was….idk, before the pandemic. congratulations and condolences to all involved, but mostly congrats because i know you’ve been waiting for it for a long time. and i’m so proud of you for standing up to your dad and shutting him down.

by now they should really have a category of cards for congratulating people on diagnoses because i feel like i’m doing it all the time. so, so glad that you got vindication for your pain and that you can start feeling better!

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: whew. i have no idea if my last message even went through, but needless to say it’s been a ROUGH week. in retrospect, it was kinda a lot to dump on someone’s lap all at once - sorry about that. i’m doing better now, at least, so there’s that

tw: death mention

dad drag anon: oh man. ohhh man, today has SUCKED absolute ass. i just found out THIS MORNING that my aunt was diagnosed with cancer, i texted her to wish her luck with her chemotherapy appointment today (apparently she needs a fairly aggressive course of treatments), and a couple hours later she got home from chemo and went to go talk to my uncle and fucking found him dead. we don’t even know how/why it happened, he wasn’t sick or anything as far as anyone in our family knew, he just died with no fucking warning. and they don’t live near the rest of my mom’s side of the family (my mom and my uncles, i.e. my aunt’s siblings, and our families) they had to relocate to another state for my uncle’s job a few years ago, so they don’t have like, deep/long-standing connections with anyone else in that area. so now my aunt is sick and she’s devastated and she’s all alone, and my uncle is… gone.

and i go back to college in like two weeks! ✌️😗

I'M SORRY, the issue was not your message, just that i've been very busy and having some meds issues.

i'm so sorry about your aunt and uncle. i really wish i had been able to respond sooner because that's a lot of awful news all at once. i hope you're able to reach out to your family (the ones you're on good terms with at least) and support each other

i'm glad you're doing better, and i'm here if you need to talk

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: ANOTHER SCHOOL YEAR DONE! I MADE IT!!! also, figured you’d enjoy hearing this story because it’s about cute baby animals, or at least one cute baby animal in particular—my best friend recently adopted a rescue kitten! her name is mochi; her interests include napping, yelling, and Being A Very Small Baby™, and she’s not a fan of plastic garbage bags. she’s younger than most kittens typically are when they get adopted, but then again, she’s a bit of a special case. mochi and her siblings were found in a box without their mother by my best friend’s therapist’s sister after someone left them outside of herrrrrrrrr… workplace, I believe it was? (which I think is somewhere that specializes in animal care, but I’m not 100% sure) anyway, so, someone left these kittens in a box, hoping that they would be found and subsequently cared for by the employees at wherever this place is, which isn’t… good, given that they were too young to be weaned and left without their mother, but at least whoever gave them up kinda-sorta tried to do the right thing, a little bit. but at some point, some heartless asshole came along and decided to nail the box shut to trap the kittens in there ON PURPOSE!!! who does that shit??? heartless assholes, that’s fucking who!!!!!!!!! so my best friend’s therapist’s sister (and i think some of her coworkers were also there) found the box and pried it open bc they could hear meowing coming from inside and that’s how mochi and her siblings were discovered, and my best friend mentioned during an appointment with their therapist that they really wanted to get and were looking for a cat, and so their therapist put them in contact with her sister to discuss adopting one of the kittens, and now my best friend has mochi, who is incredibly spoiled and also 100% Certified The Babiest Baby To Ever Baby. also, apparently wherever this box was left does have a security system, so my best friend’s therapist’s sister did put in a request with the appropriate people to pull the recordings between the last time before anyone saw the box there and the time the kittens were found to see if the cameras caught the person who nailed the box shut. (i decided that last bit was an important detail to share because when bestie brought mochi in for a cursory-checkup-slash-get-to-know-us vet visit and shared mochi’s origin story, the doctor was ready to Commit Crimes on her behalf and was subsequently placated by the knowledge that efforts were already being made to locate the responsible party)

🥺🥺🥺🥺 i’m so glad Mochi and her siblings ended up safe and cared for!!! those poor babs!

Mochi sounds like a terrible little gremlin child (as all good cats are), and i’m so happy for your friend! feel free to send some photos if you want ;)

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: AAAAAAAAA i’m late but happy birthdaaay! mine was yesterday and my best friend’s is today

thank you!!! happy birthday to you too!!!!!:)

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: in response to your question, i’m starting my 3rd year of college this fall. on an unrelated note, i took my dog to petsmart yesterday because i realized she’d never actually been INSIDE of a pet store before, and she made me buy her a bee costume—i swear it was like something possessed her, she would not stop sniffing that costume until i pulled it off the rack for her, and that was the ONLY thing in the entire store that she just gravitated to like that. i thought she must’ve picked it out because the color or texture made her think it was a big toy or something and she was gonna hate it once i actually put it on her, but nope! she loves the bee costume, and when i took it off of her last night long enough to let her outside to use the bathroom, she stomped one of her paws at me and gave me a Look™️ about it! i picked it back up this morning, and she immediately ran over and started sniffing it again with her ears perked up and she did her little tippy taps thing she does with her paws (like, she’s so excited and interested in the thing that she WANTS to jump for it but she knows that it’s not polite to jump on/at people) to show that she was excited about it, so i put it back on her and now she’s just napping in her bee costume.

🥺🥺 that’s adorable! please tell her i love her and that she’s a very good bee

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM ABOUT TO COMMIT A FELONY. okay so, fucking,,, that lab report i had, which was a group assignment??? yeah, so three out of the four of us (me and two others) got our shit done and added it to the report in a timely (or at least relatively timely) fashion. the one guy who didn’t pull his fucking weight, had no idea what was going on, and didn’t get the section of the report he was in charge of to us until like 10am the morning that it was due at noon. there were other issues with his work ethic or lack thereof on this assignment, but that’s the gist of the problem here. yeah, so, we got that report today - TURNS OUT THE GROUPMATE WHO DIDN’T PULL HIS FUCKING WEIGHT THE ENTIRE TIME PLAGIARIZED THE ENTIRE SECTION OF THE REPORT THAT HE WAS IN CHARGE OF WRITING! SO WE DIDN’T GET ANY OF THE POINTS FOR THAT SECTION, WHICH PUTS OUR GROUP’S OVERALL GRADE FOR THE REPORT AT A WHOPPING SEVENTY-FUCKING-THREE PERCENT, AND WE’RE EXTREMELY LUCKY THAT OUR GA DIDN’T GIVE ALL FOUR OF US ZEROES FOR THE ENTIRE ASSIGNMENT. FUCK. so the other three of us who actually did the work got together, talked to our ga, explained everything that happened leading up to us submitting the report last week, and we arranged a time to meet with the instructor of record (who is the lab manager for the course but not the person who actually teaches it, which would be our ga) the day after tomorrow to discuss it with her and make sure that we’re not facing any sanctions from the university for our groupmate’s actions (which we had no knowledge of)

I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T RESPOND TO YOUR LAST TWO MESSAGES, i briefly passed away and am still mostly dead.

😠😠😠 i'm ready to fight this guy. who the hell is stupid enough to plagiarize in college? i hope you don't face any sanctions and can maybe get some points back. the whole thing sounds incredibly stupid and stressful. let me know how it goes and try to relax in the meantime!

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: so i have my roku tv theme set to the star trek theme and i fall asleep with my youtube sleep playlist going, and sometimes the videos will auto-pause while i’m asleep for no discernible reason at all and so i’ll wake up to my tv’s screensaver, which is a tos slideshow, and i’m like “oh! delightful surprise! the ENTERprise, even!”

:) what a lovely way to wake up, you clearly have this life thing figured out

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: I RETURN FROM THE LAND OF ASSIGNMENT HELL! not only that, i come bearing complaints—if the people who ordered their food in line ahead of me could just WAIT a couple of seconds until an employee was free to answer their questions and/or indicate which bag is theirs instead of reaching around the plastic divider to open up the bags of people’s prepared orders on the counter to look inside and putting their hands on everybody else’s food in the process, that’d be great

and even worse, TAKING YOUR FOOD. even if they bring it back, i have to wait for it to be remade because there's still a pandemic going on!

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: GOOD MORNING! i have made a very important discovery, and that discovery is that driving on deserted roads in the dark while playing creepy music in your car is a fun spooky season activity BUT stick to roads you’re familiar with or you’re just going to end up scaring yourself! and YES i did make this discovery today at like 5am, what of it, and YES i did just end up going in a giant circle so i ended back up on roads i recognized soon enough and i am now safely back in my apartment and everything is fine! ^_^

ooh, that sounds like an A+ October activity, thanks for the tip!

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: i don’t know what i’m gonna do with myself when i finish rewatching csi: miami. well, re-rewatching. well, technically, re-re-rewatching. because i already finished csi: ny, and paramount+ only has seasons 1, 2, and 15 of the original csi, and it would feel Brain Weird™️ for me to binge-watch the csi reboot BEFORE binge-watching the original series so csi: vegas is out too, and csi: cyber didn’t do as well as the other csis so they only ever made two seasons of it, neither of which are even on paramount+ anyway so i can’t watch them regardless. BUT, i’m not ready to be done with my csi hyperfixation for the time being, but i ALSO don’t wanna look up fanfiction for any of the csis because (a) i am EXTREMELY picky about characterization and (b) any media that i may ostensibly partake in with my mom as a Together Activity™️ is media that i usually avoid consuming fanwork content for because then it becomes a whole Thing™️ with her sometimes if i’m not careful and that’s exhausting. hhhhhhhhh, brain why can’t you just let me watch things in a normal way, this is exhausting

me, pulling up IMDb: i love csi! the way they just *clenches fist* investigate those crime scenes

sorry, i've had the same compulsion to watch things in the "correct" order and it's not fun. it usually gets easier to ignore those made up rules as you get older; in the meantime, try asking yourself what you feel like doing. what sounds like the most fun right now if you're not overthinking it?

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: I SURVIVED MIDTERM HELL! also i pulled yanfei in genshin impact over the weekend, which was an unexpected but very much welcome treat, because the only other pyro user i have unlocked is amber and she’s an archer, so being limited to ranged-only pyro attacks was super limiting and i’m REALLY happy to have a pyro caster on hand!

i am making sure that i’m pacing myself with the gacha pulls on genshin though, since the whole gacha/lootbox system in pretty much any game that has one is more or less designed to foster and/or exacerbate gambling addictions in people - i’m not predisposed to addiction/have no family history of addiction, at least not as far as i’m aware, but i feel like it’s better to be safe than sorry, so i’m limiting myself to only doing wishes if i’ve earned them in-game without spending any money OR if someone’s given me an itunes gift card, like, for a holiday or something.

congrats on your midterm survival!

video games are a huge cultural blind spot for me, so i have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, but i'm so glad you're having fun! and looking after yourself! feel free to keep me updated on your progress!

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: i have three back-to-back-to-back classes on mon/wed/fri days and ALL THREE PROFESSORS have pushed their midterms back to this friday. send help

good luck!!!! and make sure to treat yourself afterward!

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: i started rewatching csi: miami and spotted a younger chris pine in an episode last night! i immediately thought of you and your blog as soon as i spotted him 😂 oh also, @ doc anon - congrats on your baby!!! i remember you saying previously that your due date was december and i was just wondering the other day about how y’all were doing! i hope you guys are doing well, rude neighbors aside 💓

🥰🥰 thank you for thinking of me, i can just imagine the baby face

@ doc anon: we all hope you're dong well!!!!!