#im disappointed. im jst disappointed by it honestly

[sadlazzle]

eh maybe i’ll calm down n enjoy the rest of ds3 tomorrow. i FUCKING doubt it tho L M A O

[yumiis]

i’m in desperate need of reader having feelings for alastor but instead of telling him she completely distances herself (idk why but im obsessed w this concept)

I JST READ SOMETHING VERY SIMILAR TO THIS so i'll definitely be basing this piece off of this by @princekeerys !

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 away from you ; alastor x reader

　 ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

genre/type: fluff/comfort, blurb

Over the course of the several months you'd been in hell, a few things have happened. The literal Radio Demon was the one who found you when you arrived in hell, and upon seeing how scared you were, offered for you to stay at the Hazbin Hotel. You've learned a lot about Alastor, you even became one of his closest friends. Or, more so, someone whose presence he didn't hate.

Among these few months, you also happened to learn that Alastor is on the aroace spectrum. Which means, in layman's terms, he doesn't regularly feel romantic or sexual attraction. Which was terrible news for you. After learning that, you started distancing yourself from Alastor. He'll admit, it left him confused. He was actually starting to miss your company.

You took lengths like staying on the complete opposite side of the room he'd be in, not making eye contact with him, and you also stopped giving him his daily 'Good morning!'. It made him a little sad. You were going to do everything in your power to put your silly crush on the back burner, just to make him comfortable.

Eventually, a couple weeks passed, and Alastor was pretty upset that he basically hadn't seen you at all. He showed up at your bedroom door, almost knocking it down. You scrambled out of bed, opening the door. "Hi! Uhm, oh! Alastor!.." You weakly smiled, not looking him in the eyes.

He sighed, his eyes showing a bit of disappointment. "You can look me in the eyes, you know. Have I done something wrong, my dear?" He questioned, walking into your room. You shook your head, "No.."

"Then what ever is the matter? Why is it you're avoiding my every move?" He tilted his head, leaning on his staff. You groaned, might as well rip the bandaid off. "I know you don't romantically like people! I don't wanna bother you with my stupid crush on you!"

Alastor was honestly stunned for a moment, his eyes blankly staring at the top of your head. "If you're mad, you can just say that." You spoke, turning your back to him.

"Oh, sweetheart, why would I ever be mad? Your presence is quite literally the only one I enjoy in the hotel! I've grown to be a touch sad without you around, actually." He spoke honestly, putting a hand on your shoulder. "We can talk more details later, but for now, please stop distancing yourself. I miss you, sha."

[aachria]

omg new chapter jst dropped im still reading i jst finishdd read coins letter and man i already love him sm

Like (spoiler alert ig if anyone's on tumblr before reaching the chapter???))

Hes so so so so funny and and :(( hes so dad figure coded

"Not even the great pirate era smh 😕" so real for that boo

ALSO ALSO ED AND COIN SPENDING THE TIMESKIP TOGETHER IS ALSO SOMETHING I PREDICTED Ed is gonna be such a badass. Also the line that goes "wherever you are, ill find you" makes me feel like you might legit make ed have both the coin training arc and be on the execution stand and i have never been more excited for something because i feel like if you do that we might get a luffy pov 🤭🤭🤭

Him going around calling ed his kid made me so happy. Guess ed wont have to worry abt getting too close to whitebeard now that they have their own found family dad "You’re probably something to brag about so I wanted a head start." Ed deserves to be bragged about 🗣‼️‼️‼️

him immediately saying that if rayleigh says his name is a dick joke hes lying is so sibling coded (and rlly zoro and ed coded i feel)

"And no matter what — what you’re fighting for right now, what your morals are, how shit you think your personality is, any of that bullshit — you couldn’t possibly disappoint me. " i cried, i sobbed, i shoved my head in my pillow and screamed.

And and "Just remember you’re everything, everything is going to be fine, and I’m gonna help you anyway I’m capable." :((( hes so cool i love him fr

"PLEASE do not prove me wrong on that one oml. I mean make your own choices slay queen pussy boss" hes the best. Friendship ended with Ed, Coin is my favorite self insert oc now.

"Pick you up later kiddo" FATHER??? bro is not only ed's dad hes my dad too now. Jst. *takes him and runs away*

I read the letter so many times i should probably get to the rest of the chapter this is gonna get long im srry in advance for yapping sm 😔

Glad we might have a reasonable explanation for teach knowing ed because that shit was worrying

The more i learn abt coin the more i want him as my father :/

The crew thinking ed might leave them makes me even more worried abt the timeskip. Eds so relatable hitting a lil too close to home w the attachment issues codependency line

ik i probs said this before but goddamn do i love the way you portray the strawhats and their dynamics

They're finally talking abt the convo ed and luffy had and the new world and im honestly hopeful abt this, without ace at the execution stand and, again im jst assuming atp, ed taking his place marineford might go way differently. Honestly them still being able to somewhat joke around makes me feel better. At least when they get separated it'll play into what they wanted to happen and what they were planning to do

OMG OMG OMG SABO SABOOOOO MY BABY OMG WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED WHEN I READ THAT HOLY SHIT

Thank you once again for blessing us with this amazing chapter, i will be off to reread it a dozen times now.

Coin is my specialist of guys and so sweet and lovely I just ADORE that parental figure-shaped man.

The way writing a Luffy POV would kill me. My man has no internal dialogue what the hell would I write for his silly goofy ass???? (I say this but I absolutely will write Luffy POV at some point, oneshot or not.)

I wonder if Coin works like an anti-Whitebeard shield. Like does his cool dad/uncle energy cancel out the daddy issues aura????

Tfw your kid is SO MUCH to brag about you gotta start before they even exist just to even hope of reaching an adequate amount of bragging. My man has that unconditional love in him where the dog should be.

The fear of abandonment came free with your SSSBMTY subscription.

[simbience]

are you still doing sim requests?

Nope! :o(

Just slowly working on old requests! Sorry! You can check here in the future and it'll tell you whether or not I'm taking any!!!

[clvmtines]

welcome aboard, clementine martinez, student #2. we are excited to set sail with you !  has anyone told you that you look like alexa demie? according to our records, you hail from florida, usa, prefer she / her pronouns, are a cis woman, and are here to study creative writing. we also see you received a spot on the ss university because of your online lottery win — we won’t tell anyone. during your first few weeks here, other students said you were + charming, + free-spirited, but also - restive. it sounds like you spend most of your time at the billiards room. upon checking your luggage, we noticed you packed a casino chip carried around for luck from home. hopefully your roommates don’t steal it!

hi friends! i’m very excited to be here. i’m jay (est, she/her) n i used to play astrid nyland a few months ago if anyone remembers bt i had to leave for personal reasons. i’m so glad to be back now that i hve life sorted and some free time for summer break <3 read on for some details abt this new muse of mine, clementine. 

01. biography !

so ! clementine was born in florida. & yes, her real name is clementine. her mom thot it was the cutest name idea ever. clementine mostly goes by clem. she comes from the town [redacted] in florida bcoz i am too lazy to look up a specific town <3 but alas ! it was swampy and humid and she lived in a trailer park. 

her parents got knocked up at nineteen. clem was born nine months after a particularly wild 1999 fourth of july. her birthday is march 26th and she’s an aries. 

(TW: addiction, child injury) clem’s dad was a gambling addict and petty criminal—he wld steal credit cards n whatnot. he wld gamble away diaper money n it would cause constant fighting until her dad finally left. her mom took this very hard n began drinking a bit too often, leaving clem to to make cereal for dinner n fend for herself. once clem tried to make hot dogs on the stove and spilled boiling water on herself. got a p bad burn on her arm/shoulder and still has a big scar.

the soundtrack of her childhood was cicadas buzzing and stray dogs barking. the sizzle and pop of natty light cans. turning up her ipod to max volume to drown out the sounds of her mother fighting with her new boyfriend.

throughout her upbringing, clem’s dad was always in and out of the picture. he’d blow into town when he hit it big. he’d take her on these little “adventures” like staying in a motel 6 n renting movies at block buster n ordering good pizza nt the dominos shit she ate with her mom lol. ofc he was charging it all to someone’s stolen credit card. he’d always promise to, like, take clem away. n clem was a daddy’s girl so she believed him. the last time it happened was her h.s. graduation. her mom didn’t show ( "overslept” after a bender ) but her dad did and surprised her n said everything wld be different. bt then he bailed on their plans for the next day n when she called his cell, the number was disconnected. tht was the defining “i’m done” moment. clem promised to never be disappointed by her father again.

(TW: racism) her mother has mexican ancestry and clem’s always been called her twin. but clem was raised in a predominately white area and honestly ?? it was really hard without her even realizing it. she’s still unpacking a lot of things today abt her youth that jst weren’t okay bt she thought were normal. like microaggressions, stereotypes, being fetishized by boys in high school. gross shit.

as a kid, clem was rumored to be really poor bc she wore tattered clothes n got free lunch at school. once she invited a friend to her house & the next day they told everyone it’s in a trailer park. that reputation—the “trailer park girl”—was really hard to shake. and clem got almost desperate to shake it. she was endlessly trying to set her old self on fire and emerge from the ashes like a phoenix.

eventually clem became more “popular”. in school she was, like, a straight b student. very average although super creative and quick-thinking. she always had street smarts. problem solving skills. independence. more of, like, practical intelligence as opposed to book smarts because academia bores her tbh. she was like why am i reading these overrated boring books by dead white men or learning abt polynomials when i know nothing abt how to pay a mortage or do taxes. like...she saw the american education system as bullshit and put in modest effort because she didn’t believe it deserved her sweat and tears. 

however, she entered the online lottery for the seas program on a whim and got in. so she’s studying creative writing now.

02. personality !

first thing you shld know abt clem is that she’s a compulsive liar essentially—she tells various stories to make her life seem better than what it was. to one person, she’s an heiress to a real estate company and grew up wealthy. to the next she was raised by nomadic hippies. some of her lies are small fibs while others are grandiose tales. she rarely talks about her actual upbringing. she hates talking abt her family or the v real trauma of growing up in a household where both parents struggled w/ addiction; the uncertainty, the broken promises, the fact that she had to grow up so soon and deal w/ so much. it wasn’t fair, and if she thinks about it too much, she feels this anger. anger at the universe. anger at her circumstances. she doesn’t know where to put this anger. she doesn’t know how to shrink it. so she avoids it.

despite her rough upbringing, though, clem is actually really sweet and kind. she’s adventurous, fun-loving, free-spirited, and bold. 

bt ! she can also be closed-off, competitive and restive. 

she’s seemingly tight with everyone? like she’s jst that girl who can get along with anyone tbh. 

in her spare time you can catch her tanning by the pool, hanging at the bar, playing pool ( which she learned from her dad ), and socializing. she’ll never say no to hanging out with people. 

she learned a lot from her little “adventures” with her dad, who was very good at conning others and often involved her in his dumb little scams. clem is suuuper good at pulling the ‘im baby 🥺’ card to get what she wants.

she can be a little selfish, because she grew up looking out for herself. 

stubborn and dogmatic as hell !!!

she doesn’t do too many relationships but when she does fall, i imagine she falls hard and fast. she refuses to be made a fool of, tho. when she gets vulnerable she flashes back to being a kid, waiting all day for her dad to show up only to have him bail on her. again. she hates that feeling. so if she, like, senses a shift in someone’s energy she’ll b like, “i’ll break up with u before u can do it to me” and the person wasn’t even tryna dump her lmao.

has a lot of sex. too much ?? sex?? mayb. but she’s v sex positive.

her personal style is v late 90s. hair clips, big scrunchies, neon, fur trim, crop and tube tops, hoop earrings, chokers, patterns, platform shoes, biodegradable glitter cuz it’s good fr the earth *winks*. clothes from o-mighty.......actually jst google o mighty, pull up the images and That is clem. she dresses like a bratz doll. she’s dedicated to the aesthetic.

03. headcanons !

her item brought from home is a hot pink poker chip from a casino. her dad gave it to her. he said it reminded him of her because of the color; he got it during one of his winning streaks and said it was lucky. she has a complicated relationship w/ her dad n doesn’t even speak to him anymore, bt she will never go anywhere without it.

she’s a smol bean—only 5′4

an astrology girl and she reads palms ! she absolutely makes astrology tik toks that people only watch because she’s hot. her flirting technique is to ask you to read your palm.

she doesn’t typically drink to get drunk. but she does love a good sugary cocktail. to her, a drink is like an accessory. a blue fishbowl by the pool, a jack and coke as she stands around a bar. usually she'll nurse the same beverage for a while. if you see her wasted it usually means she’s going thru it emotionally lol. the one thing she does do is drugs tho 

pretty much listens to exclusively female artists.

a bit of an activist. environmentalism, feminism and the like, she’s v outspoken. vegan for ethical reasons (TW: drugs) bt still does cocaine. she wears shirts with ‘my pussy my choice’ bedazzled on the front.

loves to rollerblade ! back home she didn’t have a car so she’d bike or rollerblade. now she still has her blades and she’ll use them when the ship docks. 

03. wanted connections !

Friends, bffs, ride or dies, friends who are like siblings to her, maybe a friend with an unrequited crush on either side ??

an ex she dumped/cheated on/otherwise self sabotaged their relationship because she was afraid of vulnerability.

an ex friend who realized she lies a lot abt herself n felt betrayed. OH ! ESP if they opened up to her on many occasions abt intimate, personal stuff. imagine the betrayal they felt when they found that everything they thought they knew abt clem is a lie.

someone who she actually opens up to. a confidant. or, maybe, like, a stranger she drunkenly spilled her soul to and now she avoids them like the plague.

a rival. clem can be competitive.

her drug dealer 

someone she knows she shouldn’t hook up with and… does it anyways. like a friend’s ex or smthing. spicy <3

i welcome anything !

[albatris]

hi hello im NERVOUS to come off anon bt i feel u shld know tht i am IN LOVE with ur story!!! its so interesting n cool n i cannot WAIT to see where it goes n how things change n god im jst. the cast is so interesting!!!! thy all own my Literal Physical Heart!!!!!!! tris n noa r so!!!!! n KAI!!!!!!! i dnt have enough charas left to tell u why i love thm sm but Man i rlly do im going to buy tf out of ths book n get vry1 else to too!!!! get rdy fr me singlehandedly building a fandom w my bare hands

dfgjhdsfkhgkjhfhk SHH no I can’t handle this, this message is so sweet, this is so nice of you, you have Stabbed me straight through my heart and rendered me momentarily incapacitated, I am on the floor, I am dying

thank you so much???!?! I’m so happy you like it so much and that you’re excited about it?!?! n especially that you like the characters!!!! honestly this message made my entire month and probably life you have no idea, thank you so much for the love and enthusiasm, oh man, I’m gonna try not to disappoint, I gotta bring my real writing game now

you are so nice and so wonderful and kind with your words and thank you so much I am going to go cry now

[lookwhatilost]

i had a very strange conversation w justin last night/early this morning technically. he was wasted and i got very angry w him

basically he finally confronted me abt the intimacy issues that we’ve been having, like, “why does that happen so often” and I answered him honestly – im very inexperienced and this stuff still makes me feel very tense and nervous and then this just... happens

he asked me a very strange, intrusive question abt my body which i dnt even want to repeat bc of the absurdity of it and it infuriated me. i asked him why on earth he would jump to such a bizarre conclusion when there are plenty of other explanations for what’s happening, that I didn’t even understand how the two things were connected

he told me he wasn’t sure what was going on, that im distant and blank a lot of the time, that my mannerisms reminded him of julian, his close friend/old roommate w schizophrenia, and asked if i was diagnosed with it, if there was any possibility. i told him no and that I was offended that he’d chalk my idiosyncraticies to being symptomatic of a mental illness that I was hiding from him, when I’ve been very honest w him abt my lack of social calibration and how im worried it affects my behavior

basically jst was like... why are you jumping to these conclusions that im hiding shit from you, that there’s a deep dark secret that explains our difficulties sexually and my behaviors instead of jst accepting what I’ve told you abt these things and asking me questions abt anything that you find confusing?

i told him that he rly needed to look at his behavior – he’s paranoid, his windows are covered in newspaper, he’s clearly breaking under work stress and lack of an outlet, he’s drunk alone even more often that i am. i told him again that he needs to seriously start considering looking into counseling. and he didn’t say anything

i said i was disappointed that i wasn’t the person he thought I was, but it’s on him for making assumptions. and it was left at that

i plan on continuing this conversation w him when he’s sober. and I know he’s partially concerned abt me but his words and actions are getting increasingly distressing and I’m starting to... worry

[justpar]

lyriform replied to your post: i think its unfair that my therapist initially...

sounds like a bad therapist

honestly it’s hard for me to even tell. i know she’s not the best fit for me but i also want to make progress and feel like i have been making progress, whether if its bc of her or bc of me or if im actually jst breaking my brain over it. i know that i have a tendency to evidence-gather to justify distrust and also am able to pull forward and spin narratives to be sympathetic to me. i feel like there are a thousand ways every person doesn’t communicate well and that im always gonna find ways to feel disappointed and hurt and that i need to figure out what i need from the other person and how to only ask for that. I dont know how much a therapist is allowed to be a person who operates on their own wavelength like everyone else and how much they should be “good at their job” at trying to find my wavelength and that if she were a good therapist she would do that for me and i would feel heard and understood and safe, or if she’s trying to tell me that im safe and im not hearing it bc how she talks isnt how i want her to talk and bc we’re dealing w delving into really negative energied feelings that i always have a reaction to and this is my brain saying “you never really felt a connection w her anyway, here’s all the reasons she’s a bad fit, let’s pull the escape hatch” in order to protect itself from doing the painful work i need to.

[sadlazzle]

i ..... im not sure how i feel abt diamond and pearl remakes after watching tht trailer thing ..... idk y it’s in this chibi style it feels.. idk but it doesn’t feel right. liking pkmn legends arceus tho that looks pretty fuckin cool ngl

[shotbyafool]

@transpierre said: i havent even started karamazov and i have no intention to, my partner is just super in love with it

i trust dostoevsky. i have faith in him. The Brother KAramazov Will Not Disappoint Me. 

@sofiarostova  said: i'm jst on a russian lit Kick rn tbqh ..... im reading tbk , crime and punishment (& i might reread anna karenina bc it's been a While)

ME TOO– ive bought the brothers karamazov, young chekhov, and uncle vanya in the past week and i still need to get further in w&p. honestly? i say go for it. reread anna karenina. relive the pain. 

@bellejolras said: me too, romance languages are all so similar, it's the best 😂 but yeah I still can't remember the difference between like у and ч and there are some others that are still kind of a mystery/seem to disappear from the keyboard (ц is never where I need it to be) and I couldn't read you the alphabet but even like, the wiki page for Russian that has letter pronunciations helped with a bunch of others. also I need to get on duolingo today, thanks for the reminder

i’m struggling so much with where things are in the keyboard too. everything is ruining me. i know i need to suffer thru it but me? dying. 

[femaleidols]

im curious on the admins opinions on the whole mamamoo blackface situation... im really having a hard time bc mamamoo was one of my ult groups but it's been so hard for me to move past that as a black woman and it hurts bc i can feel myself not having the joy i had before for this comeback :( im just curious about how the admins felt and how they worked past it

see our honest opinions below the cut!

sullflower: To be honest, I can’t say much about their scandal because I didn’t follow it nor am I a Moomoo. But you have every right to be disappointed. It’s totally okay if you don’t feel like enjoying them anymore, really. I know I wasn’t much help, but I hope you’ll find a way you’re comfortable with.

iyokans: (hiatus)

heonies: I don’t want to share any opinion on the matter since I don’t really follow mamamoo and only recently heard of the events. It is incredibly disappointing though, and you have every right to be upset. All I can say is, if something hurts you, don’t invest your time and effort into it. You do you, and don’t feel bad about it.

jiaerrs: dude i totally get it if you’re having a hard time. one of my ubs fucked up in a similar way last week and blatantly ignored black fans who were sending him messages to educate him. while i can’t understand how painful it is firsthand as an asian woman, i understand completely if you’re feeling conflicted/upset/etc. over what mamamoo did. ngl, i was very disappointed when i saw them do blackface again after i was starting to get over their last incident. even with rbw stepping up and issuing apologies for multiple instances, it doesn’t seem genuine because it keeps happening. seeing the amount of people justifying it because bruno mars wasn’t black and bringing up sexist double standards to absolve the girls from their fuckups is a headache to deal with. whatever you feel is totally valid, and it’s fine if you’re not excited or maybe you are. i just hope no one gives you a hard time for doing either or!

katypery: i don’t know the details on how this scandal unfolded since i haven’t been following it but when i heard it i was extremely disappointed with them. i’m not a moomoo myself so i don’t follow their activities but i do hope they learn from their mistakes regardless. i believe you have the right to be hurt since this situation affected you directly and probably most of their black fans as well so it’s totally understandable if you don’t feel like enjoying this comeback! i personally don’t see anything wrong with you feeling that way so don’t go hard on yourself and support them only if you feel comfortable.

sunjis: first of all, i’m not black. honestly when a situation like this happens i don’t even get surprised anymore, which is sad, i always expect the worst to happen sooner or later but when it does i still get disappointed. regardless of being an idol i like, my relatives, someone from work/school, i just hope the person learns from their mistakes and keep an open mind when they hear critics. i got really surprised by rbw apology, but what saddened me the most were some fans reactions, defending them and therefore proving themselves of being completely ignorant. if what happened made you sad and you don’t feel excited anymore, it’s fine, really. it’s not worthy giving more chances to something that makes you feel bad and it’s not your or any fans obligation to educate them, sometimes we just have to get away and do what is the best for ourselves.

lauxrent:I think that generally when you fave fucks up you need to understand that if you can’t move on past what they did it’s perfectly fine and you don’t have to overcome it? Like if they don’t bring you joy anymore you shouldn’t force yourself into it. Maybe it will pass with time maybe it won’t. I know that it must be sad and disappointing when your fave group fucks up and looses its magic for you because of that, but if it really bothers you shouldn’t feel obliged to accept it. I know that there is a certain pressure in kpop fandom to accept idols’ mistakes and that some fandoms are really nasty to people that can’t forgive their faves but this fandom culture is toxic and you primarily should focus on what makes you happy. Myself I was never really a fan of mamamoo and I won’t become one now.

sooyulti:it’s really disappointing and there’s no excuse for racism, all this bullshit that fans say when trying to explain it like “their culture is different”, i believe it makes the situation even worse… and i know they apologized but it’s hard to accept it, especially when they have a big international fanbase, they should’ve educated themselves by searching through internet, i’m sure they have access to it. anyways, idk how i could help you to move past that bc i’m still very disappointed and i can’t move past that either, i just hope the girls will learn from this and won’t make the same mistake again.

wonhosoks: i was pretty surprised that they did that tbh but im not into them like as a “fan” so my only opinion probably it was disappointing coming from them? idk but i totally get that you would feel hurt cus they are ur ult group too :(  im so sorry I dont think i helped much at all :(

24kool: i’d rather not share my opinion on it, however i do hope you manage to find the right solution for you 💜

1krystaljung:when mamamoo first did it i was rly dissapointed and upset of course… but then they apologized so soon after which was really surprising and i wanted to forgive them & believe they had really learned from their mistakes. like i don’t think i’ve seen many idols apologize when they’re in situations like this, so i thought it was great they were aplogizing and i believed it to be genuine and that they were really gonna grow and learn from it! but then… they jst went and did blackface again so shortly after lmao… like i really thought they had learned and listened to what people had to say but i guess the apology was just to save face and wasn’t really genuine at all lol?? so the whole thing is really upsetting to me and i lost a lot of respect for them, especially now that they’re caught up in the controversy of them wearing bindis… like……. do they not learn??? it feels like they don’t really care like at all lmao. aaaand that’s my opinion on that. sorry, but i don’t really have much to say on “working past it” because i was never really a mamamoo stan, i just listen to some songs here and there. if you decide to work past it, good luck, i know it can be kind of hard to work past something like that, especially since it wasn’t just a one time thing :/ and if you decide to drop them that’s totally understandable and i wouldn’t blame you

seuhgi:that was disappointing for sure.

prkchaeyoung: i was never really a mamamoo fan, but what mamamoo did was extremely ignorant and it hurt a lot of people. if you believe that letting go of them is the best thing for you, then go for it!

yoonbomis: i’m sorry that the situation has made u feel this way :( the situation did make me upset and quite shocked?? (since i’m not a big fan of mmm, i didn’t really expect it) and i’m glad that fans’ rightfully upset/offended/perhaps betrayed? feelings to it was able to get a least, an apologetic response out of mamamoo and their agency (if i remember right, they said things along the lines that they were going to aim to educate themselves on it?) but it is still something that is constantly in my thoughts whenever i think of or see mamamoo, so it did hinder my opinion of them. however, i still listen to their music, although not with the same enthusiasm as before. i’m sorry if i’m not too much help or comfort ;; (also because i am not a black woman) but i hope u are able to find a way to ease ur pain in a way that makes u comfortable and happy ^^

monoka: as a nonfan & someone who was never interested in them i have to say i avoid them as much as possible, because i got tired of their problematic antics. They have done so many things multiple times and still NOT learn. Their ignorance is amazing.

seulge: what bothers me the most is that mamamoo fans are quick to pretend that these girls did absolutely nothing wrong - or most of them at least. i will never forget seeing on twitter this one moomoo who was giving out false translations to protect mamamoo’s reputation or some bs. i do not like mamamoo as people anymore, and the fandom is equally toxic imo, so i stepped away a long time ago. i might check out the mv when it’s out and if the song is good, so be it. i’ll listen to it if it’s catchy.

[houseofkooks]

WINGS IN NEWARK <3

OK SO TODAY WAS THE BTS CONCERT YES TODAY WAS D DAY THIS WAS IT THIS WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY FUCKIGN LIFE AND OMG OMOGMOGMOMG I HAVE SO MANY FUKING FEELS RIGHT NOW I MUST WRITE OK SO 

first of all the pre-concert period was a shitshow ok bt SO WORTH IT FASTFORWARD OK SO

ok when we first sat down it was just like so overwhelming and beautiful to see so many people who love bts sitting together in the same space

spring day mv was playing and everyone was singing along and it was so beautiful

and then the intro started to play and it was just the boys and honestly i don’t really remember what it’s about now i just know i teared up rly bad because i was sosososoososso EMO. like thankful i think? to be able to stand there and to be able to actually see the boys up close

lke i was just so overwhelmed fjljalgkjLKJDFKA and then they came out like they actually appeared behind the screen and then omg all hell broke loose like ya girl and everyone else did not understand the meaning of chill and self control ok. NOT TODAY was first and it was so fucking lit and my first impression was that omg. THEY WERE! CLOSE!!!!!!!

SO CLOSE I COULD SEE JUNGKOOK’S THIGH MUSCLES AND I WAS LIKE OMGOGOGOGOGMOG like i felt bad for always keepign my eyes of jungkook but i just can’t NOT. pretty sure i screamed JUNGKOOOOK JUNGKOOKIEEEEEE like 5293509159 times today

but then it’s good because they also did solo songs that allowed me to really appreciate each member!!!!!!!

begin was first and lemme tell u ya girl almost lost it like legit screamed my fucking throat out “JUNGKOOK!!!!!! JUNGKOOOOOOOK MY BABYYYYY MY BAAAAABY” and he’s just so good like he was SOOO GOOD like his dancing was amazing and likeit started with him spinning on the circle and im so glad i got to watch it live because you could really feel the emotion in his voice like this song is emotional and about how he loves his hyungs so much but in the fancams, you could really just see how good the dancing is. BUT LIVE!!!!! HE IS SUCH AN EMOTIONAL SINGER I LOVE HIM SO MUCH and he did the dance so well and he’s just so perfect and beautiful and wonderful in every way

lie was next and omgOMGOMGO ok jimin killed it like he really really did. like it was just so amazing the dancing the singing. lik the dance is just good already but it was so good with the whole stage and the whole choreo and also THE BLINDFOLD!!!!!!! HE PUT ON THE BLINDFOLD like thats jst such good art directing? choreo? idk it’s just like IMPACT ok it was so great

i dont rly remember who’s next

i think they did group songs and then it was yoongi’s?

the yoongi solo was soo. EMOTIONAL. I SWEAR OMG I LOVE THE ORCHESTRA AND THE FACT THAT HE WAS SITTING IN FRONT OF A PIANO SINGING HIS LOVE FOR PIANO AND MUSIC AND THE WHOLE PERFORMANCE. FDJSAKGJ;LAKJGLKAJ ; like honestly it’s oen of my favorite songs from the album because it’s so well written and he does it sosososososo well like the emotion is so palpable and raw even in the track, especially the last verse. so it was so good to just hear it live and it was just that much more stunning and impactful and just SUCH AN EXPERIENCE. i love the song so much

ok and then namjoon was next and his intro really fucked me up because it took me a lil bit to realize but it’s their “road” song with the heya heya and it’s mixed with whalien 52 for a little bit and idk why but it made me so emo. like the road song is about their hard journey and how they’ll work their hardest to try to reach the end of the road and i lovelovelove how namjoon used that in his intro because i think it’s so beautiful and sobering to know that the song means a lot to him? because thinking about it, he probably was under so much pressure not only for his own success but also for his teammates and it must’ve been hard on him as a young boy who’s really just been the “smart guy” who decided to follow his dream but then ended up having to be responsible for a whole group of boys who are like family to him, and their collective success. and i love that he included whalien 52 because he wrote it and it’s still to this date one of my favorite songs because it’s so cute but sad and real at the same time, which is kinda like namjoon’s embodiment? the song fits him so well like it’s just how he’s like the lonely whale that people don’t seem to understand because he’s on his own wavelength. i’ve always felt this vibe that ofc bangtan are all close but namjoon’s thoughts are so deep and abstract and mature sometimes that the rest of the boys don’t relate very well? like lol especially the maknae line BUT OK ANYWAY I DIGRESS. i really appreciated namjoon’s song because it was like a nice chill break which is what it was like in the album too. BUT MY FAVE PART OFC IS WHEN AT THE END HE KEEPS REPEATING “I WISH I COULD LOVE MYSELF” AND EVERYONE REPEATED TO HIM, “WE LOVE YOU” omg i’m getting emo just typign this out i really really wanna see how he reacted when he first heard it. omg ok anyway the end IT WS GREAT

taetae was next and omg his high notes were literally like wowowowowowoww like wow i’m so proud of him but TBH i couldn’t really hear bc the screams were unreal during his high notes BUT STILL HIS STAGE PRESENCE WAS GR8 and like idk it was just so good and he was so passionate and im so proud of him for all those high notes and also CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT HOW. CUTE. HE IS. LIKE HE’S LITERALLY SOSOSOSOSOS HANDSOME LIKE HE’S SO BEAUTIFUL. ALSO HE KEPT COMING OVER TO OUR SIDE AND SMILING AT US AND I’M NOT SURE WHETHER HE SAW US BUT IT ALMOST LOOKED LIKE WE MADE EYE CONTACT?!?!?!?!?! IDK?!?!?!?!?! BUT OK ANYWAY IT WAS GR8 HE WAS SO GREAT 

OMG im falling asleep ok i’ll quickly write the rest

BUT OMG OK HOBI’S WAS SO GOOD. LITERALLY. MAMA WAS EASILY THE BEST PERFORMANCE OUT OF ALL THE SOLOS AND I’M NOT EVEN A HOBI STAN LIKE OMG?!?!?!!! it was just so energetic and upbeat and exciting at first but then there’s all these pictures of hobi from when he was little and they were the cuuuutest. but also!! then there’s this part where he pauses everything and it’s just him sing-rapping and it was just so EMOTIONAL AND TUGGED AT MY HEARTSTRINGS AND JUST SO POWERFUL AND MEANINGFUL like you could really tell he was singing with his whole heart for his mom and it was just the best THE BEST LEMME TELL U ok moving on im fallin asleep

JIN yes ok it was just good bc his song is good and i don’t really remember but i made sure to scream loud yes good ok moving on WAI TIT’S SO SHORT UGHHGHGHGH ok anyway not the point

THE POINT IS!!!!!!!!!

namjoon is the best i love him so much like during the ment he was talking aobut the rainbow army and then he said that he thinks music transcends anything like language and race and he said “i don’t care if you’re red or blue or orange (referring to the balloon colors” and i thought that was so clever because it was like a metaphor for real life races and i think it’s so fitting given the current political climate in the us and i’m so proud of him for bringing this up!!!!!! also the part where everyone sang together and they all thanked us and i was just like TTTTTTTTT bc I REALLY WANT TO THANK THEM because namjoon was like, as long as we love each other, you’ll never walk alone and YOU KNOW WHAT. IT’S TRUE. IT’S SOSOSOSOSO TRUE. at one of the concert i just looked at them and got emo because no matter what happens in life next, no matter how sad or angry or frustrated or disappointed or tired i get, they’ll always be there to cheer me up. i’m so happy that i foudn them and that i love them so much because it’s so nice to have them with me :) they always make me laugh and i respect them so much. what i confirmed today is that they really are so sososos hardworking and sososos talented and definitely deserving of all the love they receive. i’m so proud of where they are now. I REALLY AM. during 2,3 there was a video of just their growth from the beginning and it made me SO EMO OK. like i haven’t been a fan since the beginning and i wish i have but the fact that they made it from being a literal NUGU to being so so big that they filled up prudential center. they’re SO GOOD LIVE. aside from talent, they’ve also improved so much and that just shows how hard they work. i’m so appreciative of their hard work and the fact that they were able to make it this big because of their hardwork and talent. they really are an amazing group of individuals!!!!!! like such a wonderful group of boys that are incredibly talented but also have such big kind hearts and are so funny and entertaining but also relatable and down to earth and friendly and inspirational. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH FJDKLAJG;KJ!!!!!!!! so yes the whole time i was just marveling at the fact that they’re thanking us when I WANT TO THANK THEM SO MUCH. i know it sounds stupid but they really do encourage me and make life better for me fjsklajg I LOVE THEM. 

ok quick ranking after the show

1. jungkook bc how can i ever leave him i am already committed for life like i wanted him to f me in the closet after the concert ok. like i just love him so much there’s no contest 

2. namjoon still because he’s literally PERFECT so talented so deep so beautiful so smart so inspirational like he’d be the perfect boyfriend to talk to my worries with and he’s also really cute and funny and dorky and he just makes me laugh MY BABS

2.5. NOW --> hoseok HIS STAGE PRESENCE IS LITERALY NO. JOKE. he was sososos good during boy meets evil also and like he just COMMANDS THE STAGE and he enjoys it so much and i love him he’s so happy and so easily excitable and also such a sweetheart like there are videos of him picking up pokemon plushies on the stage and then he also noticed jre and pointed at him like he’s SO DOWN TO EARTH AND FRIENDLY AND RELATABLE AND JUST SUCH A CUTIE i luv him

3. FOR NOW --> JIMIN wow wat a surprise but he’s LITERALLY SO CUTE LIKE OK HE LITERALLY WALKED IN FRNT OF US?!??!! LIKE HE WAS SO CLOSE I COULD ALMOST TOUCH HIM!?!? AND HE WAS JUST SO CUTE!!! LIKE SO. CUTE. i’ve been reading posts about how he looks scary and intimidating like cold city man in “real life” BUT HE’S SO CUTE. HE’S SO CUDDLY AND SMILEY AND JUST SO CUTE LIKE HE RADIATES SOFTNESS nd he was so close to us and he waved at us and he’s so nice i luv him also ALSO his dancing is seriously so good like every time someone’s dance move catches my eye i’m like ooh who’s that and it would turn out to be jimin LIKE WOW FDJALKGJ; he really is so good at dancing

3.2. FOR NOW --> TAETAE!!!!!! HE’S SO CUTE HE’S SO CUTE HE LOOKED OVER TO US SO MANY TIMES TODAY AND HE’S JUST LITERAL FANSERVICE KING LIKE I DON’T REALLY WATCH HIS FANCAMS BUT HE’S LITERALLY always ALWAYS interacting with the audience and he’s so cute and he keeps winking or giving out hearts or just watching the audience and it’s just soft and nice and beautiful and it makes me feel important and loved and i love LOVE KTH HE’S SUCH A SOFT SMOL BALL like i love how he really does make an effort to make the fans feel loved and important <3 3 <3

4. yoongi!!!!!!!! yoongi is always good his performance is always ON FIYAHHHHHHH but i didn’t really get the chance to watch him closely LOLOL but i love him as always

5. mama jin my dearest oppa he’s so cute and has the cutest personality and is so funny so he really shines through in vlive or bombs or whatever and i always love him always but i think he gets shadowed over during concerts :(( bc he doesn’t have a lotta parts? and he doesn’t really have like the best stage presence (lolol i find it kinda funny that he frowns so much when he sings fjdkfljalkjg) BUT I REALLY DO LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM A LOT FJDKLAJ;GLK I LOVE ALL OF THEM

conclusion: i love bangtan so much i love every single one of them i am so thankful they are in my life and i can’t wait to continue stanning them forever because WE NEVER WALK ALONE and i can’t wait to see grow bigger and better so i can keep attending more and more concerts fjdksajglk I LOVE BTS BANGTAN SONYEONDAN I LOVE! KIM NAMJOON! KIM SEOKJIN! MIN YOONGI! JUNG HOSEOK! PARK JIMIN! KIM TAEHYUNG! JEON JUNGKOOK! BTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thebinaryjesus]

hi im back to tell you the truth

1. ive been a sadboi for as long as i can remember. dunno if maarte/mahirap iplease lang ako, tamad na ayusin sarili, or im just broken as a person. im in this constant search for happiness pero aware akona what is happiness nga ba diba. either way di ko lam kung selfrighteousness or ego lang to pero gusto ko tlagang nagpapasaya/nagiimpress ng iba. i want to take care of someone and be taken care of. dunno what’s the ratio between those 2 things. dami kong gusto no haha. i hate myself for being this incompetent. this is the truth.

2. im not doing well in my job. i hate it pero im still staying because kahit ganon sobrang ayos ng mga kasama ko. tho kailangan ko paring magmake face and iadjst behavior koaround them, theyre great people. pero actually i want to quit and pursue arts. halos lahat ng naipundar ko as of now is for arts kase im trying to reachmy childhood dream of being an animator/illustrator. nagbibigay na ko ng hints on everyone abt this and im hearing mixed opinions pero what the hell. let’s do this.

3. nagtatampo ako sa tropa ko kase parang nagddrift apart na kami or parang nagiging left out na ko. either way im sad. i miss them. kase i dont have a lot of friends. jst ‘acquaintances’. i mostly rely on them to not feel lonely. iwish na mas approachable ako and more trustworthy na pagsabihan ng mga issues nila. tingin ko medyo capable nman akofor giving advice. sana in the future kami kami parin magtotropa. i wish them all the best of luck on everything they do and about to do. suportado ko parin sila no matter what happens coz theyre my homies. pero sana mas niyayaya nila ako sa mga gala tho im not from where they are or di ako masyadong align sa mga interest nila.

4. bobo ako sa romance. masyadong twisted yung reasoning ko. last time ended up with me cheating and i got caught red-handed. deserved ko yon. binigyan non ng lamat lhat ng relationship na binuildup ko with others. guilty parin ako hanggang ngyon and probably for the rest of my life. pero minsn naiisip ko na it must be nice to be in a relationship ulit. kakapanood ko ata to ng romantic anime and series. maybe. jst maybe. itry ko ulit inthe future. pero that time will be the last. or baka di rin mangyare yon who knows

5. i love my family so much. even if i cant express it to them. im investing almost everything i had for them. sadly im not as straightforward as other people. aware ako sa age nila. everytime napapaisip ako on how to repay them for everything. i wish na sana di ako napalaking ganto gusto ko pa sila makasama nang matagal. sobrang guilty ako for not being that capable firstborn na alam ko ineexpect nila up until now. nakakainggit ung mga nakikita ko sa fb na showy sa love nila for their parents. honestly i think im a disappointment pero because of their love for me never nilang sasabihn saken yon. i love them so much

6. nung una tlaga i considered myself atheist pero ngyon mas gsto ko na ung term na ‘non-conformist’ because it applies to everything. not jst religion. i like to do things my own way. be it pagiging edgy or indie or normie whatsoever. i think whatever floats my boat, g ko agad. siguro isa to sa mga good things na i like abt myself. in a non-narcissistic manner ofc

7. insecure person ako. for example i actually hate my surname. it’s one of my insecurities and i think forever will be. it’s like everytime na banggitin sya ng iba lage na ieexpect na pinagtatawanan ako ng tao na to deep inside. there’s a lot of my insecurities na pwede ko ishare pero common na yung mga yon

8. ive considered suicide pero im afraid of dying. yes takot ako mamatay even with my nihilistic pov. and practically bat ka papakamatay dba magiging pabigat lang burol mo sa parents mo and tingin ko talaga sobrang selfish way out ng suicide. nadidisappoint ako sa ganyan

9. awkward person ako. hirap akong sumingit sa usapan even if my mind is full of ideas. takot ako ipakilala sarili ko. takot akong lakasan ang sarili ako takot akong maglead ng group. this involves when im having chat with my friends or while im at work.

10. i can get this emotional tuwing madaling araw while listening to music. listening to music really soothes my mind pag ganitong troubled ako for no apparent reason. i wish na whoever u may be na binabasa to. kung meron mang bumasa, na pls have a wonderful day and salamat sa pagbasa nito na humaba na pala masyado to sorry na. out na ko sir!

[fragiilexa]

all the even numbers

100 questions 

OH MY GOD. that was a lot of questions lmao

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?

already answered.

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?

already answered.

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex? 

already answered.

8. What are your current goals?

already answered.

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?

already answered.

12. Can you keep a diet?

I don’t really do diets? They’re always usually unhealthy & detrimental to your health so I just try to portion food & stuff, pick healthier choices, I don’t like… do weird diets or anything.

14. Do you work?

Not currently no, I don’t.

16. Would you get a tattoo?

Yes, I would love to get a tattoo, I really want one that says Think Positive but the T in positive is a cross? I’ve seen it somewhere before & I’d love that, then also I want one that says ‘I can’t hear hate when I got so much love.’ I also had this really cute idea for getting a tattoo for each of my pets but idk how that one would pan out yet.

18. Can you drive?

No. Not yet I cant. 

20. What was the last thing you cried for?

I cried watching some youtube videos a few days ago, lmao that was fun…

22. Is life fun?

Yeah. It is kiddo it IS fun, it’s like a fun lil’ roller coaster u know? Sometimes it feels like it’s not fun & you get scared but things are all okay in the end, you know?

24. What’s your dream car?

Mini Coop Countryman. It’s just? Super cute? I mean I’m not really into cars, realistically I’d probably get a jeep ‘cause I’m a lot more comfortable with them but, yanno. 

26. Describe your crush.

Super fuckin’ smart, like doesn’t realize it but incredibly smart & determined. Super strong in every single possible way, also one of the kindest people I have ever met & u know also super attractive & jst cute ndngjodeo i luf and u know i jsut amsuper emoitional aobut it ok byre.

28. What was your last lie?

Probably that I did something that I forgot to do? I can’t remember.

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?

Yep. I mean at least for me, less embarrassing with friends though, honestly. With family it’s worse & I feel worse but it’s easier with friends I guess.

32. What’s your favourite cocktail?

I don’t drink so….

34. Do you like small kids?

Yes! I love little kids? They’re adorable & I’m smitten, I mean some of them can be annoying u feel but 90% of the time I’m smitten with little kids ‘cause they’re like human puppies u kno?

36. What would you name your daughter/son?

If I have a son I’m gonna name him Benjamin. I haven’t thought about if I have a girl? I mean honestly I want a girl really bad when the time comes but I have no names planned out besides maybe Lila but that might be a little odd if I get the book written, I dunno. We shall see.

38. Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?

Uh, no? Not that I can think of lmao?

40. What was the last gift you gave?

Pretty sure I gave my Mom something but I can’t remember what it was.

42. Favourite place to shop at?

Shop for what? I dunno Target?

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?

I have yet to get drunk yet. I’ll let u kno when it happens tho ok fam?

46. How old were you when you first had sex?

I MIGHT NOT UPDATE U ON THIS but also I share too much so I probably will. hasn’t happened yet tho lmao

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year?

Have fun? Idk.

50. Post a selfie.

No.

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.

U kno the usual ole’ demons & abandonment.

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self?

People are gonna leave and it’s going to hurt really bad. You’re not gonna know why it was you or what you did, but it’s okay ‘cause it’ll make you smarter & kinder than them.

56. Any bad habits you have?

I’m a nervous eater? Lmao I guess that’s a bad habit.

58. What was the last thing you cried for?

Those youtube videos.

60. Are you in love?

Wot is love ( baby don’t huRT me donT huRT ME NO MORE )

62. How long was your longest relationship?

whAT RELATIONSHIP? My friendships barely last, lmao, relationship lmoa dsgdfre

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

Hm, sometimes guy’s can be really pretentious, also they seem to think periods aren’t a big deal that bothers me & probably just the superiority complex thing. Bothers me. 

66. How would you describe your bad side?

Super closed off bitch who really just doesn’t like people & can like, probably hurt a lot of people emotionally if she wanted too. Sort of terrifies me, sort of hate that bit of myself. I try to be nice but yeah it’s hard to not be super bitter sometimes.

68. What are you living for?

jeSUS FAM. I live for Jesus & all the amazing people He’s put into my life who mean the world to me.

70. Do you like your body?

It’s a love / dislike relationship. I’m constantly trying to appreciate it & love it but I also know I could physically be more fit so I wanna work on that & sometimes being like out of shape makes me self conscious but I mean I don’t hate my body I just… dislike it sometimes. 

72. Ever sent nudes?

llokeodgebhrth no. I have no fun ok gtg.

74. Favourite candy?

Pixy sticks or like, sour punch straws? I don’t know.

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?

Sims. I played WoW for a… while when I was younger & maybe I might get back into that when I have a new computer or something but Sims is my favorite game ‘cause it? It just is??? It’s the best.

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?

I am & He does. He’s gotten me through…. everything, like I don’t think I’d be here without him and I have been in a very rough patch with things lately with him but it’s 100% just me & like, yeah. But it’s not a pretentious thing though, I don’t believe that I’m somehow BETTER than everyone else. I 100% believe God exists, I love Him & He loves me & He loves all of you so it’s okay, you know? 

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?

To each his own. I mean personally I love chicken too much? Lmao, but like if you’re an adult & you wanna do that feel free. I’m a little iffy when it comes to like, making your kids be vegan just because they’re growing & it’s sometimes hard to supplement the nutrients & stuff that meat would give your kids unless you really know what you’re doing & I’m 100% against it when people make their animals vegan ( like dogs who are not meant to be leaf eaters ) dogs need meat. But like I said, to each his own, as long as you’re maintaining a healthy lifestyle & aren’t depriving yourself of the right nutrients than I’m okay with it.

82. Do you like Chineese food?

No…. I’m super picky fam.. it just, doesn’t appeal to me I guess.

84. Vodka or whiskey?

Someone send me both & let me choose?

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country?

I’ve been out of state a few times but never out of the country.

88. What are you scared of?

Spiders? People leavin’ me? Dyin’? Big bugs? Suffocating? Getting burnt? Car crashes? Driving? There are a lot of things. Trust me.

90. Most traumatic experience ?

I mean… I don’t know, there’s not like a set thing or anything that’s really happened besides like, one of my best friends kind of like, dumping me when I was a kid & that kind of fucked me up but I dunno.

92. Favourite app on your phone?

I don’t have a phone but my favorite app on my ipad is probably weheartit or tumblr.

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?

I don’t watch it as much as I’d like but I love Remi Ashten she’s adorable & one of my favorite Youtubers.

96. What is the meaning of life?

Show people that God loves ‘em no matter what ‘the church’ or ‘religion’ or any one really tells them, like, God loves you & he wants you in his life. It’s really simple. That & like, just trying to make the world better you know? I am a cheese ball but I’m dead serious, I think all of us have a unique way of going through life and the ‘meaning’ of life may be slightly different for each of us but the true meaning of it all is to just show people that despite all of the horrible things in the world that there is good & the good is God and that like, we are not required to be perfect or to fit some kind of mold to be loved or accepted by God. I don’t know I’m just mush and I want everyone to know that God loves them no matter what other people say. That and make a damn good book at some point. That’s the meaning, lmao, I don’t know im 21 why are you asking me this. Ask me in another 21 years.

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?

Sadly yes. Me & My sister found that tumblr post where this kid told his mom that ‘you know there was a point where you picked me up, put me down and never picked me back up again’ and we told that to her, that at one point she’d put us down and never picked us back up again, and she like, instantly started crying and I feLT SO BAD AND I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO IT WAS HORRIBLE. 

100. Can you keep a secret?

Yep. But pinky promises are more solid than just a secret to me, tbh. 

[lookwhatilost]

i finished my second watch of bojack s6 p1 and here’s a predictably massive post of some thoughts/observations abt it

spoilers under the cut obviously

the “fuck” of the season definitely came in a moment that i didn’t expect, but i rly liked how it was used. like, it was a callback to when gina dropped it in the last season –– something that traumatized her vs a reaction to her PTSD symptoms. a lot of people seem unhappy w it but i think it’s more powerful than people are giving it credit for being

the gatsby reference in e3 rly brought to mind that there are, like, a lot of gatsby tie-ins w this show and i never rly pasted them together mentally bc of the ubiquity of the “rich guy is utterly depressed and alone” trope. like, the imagery related to the pool, the shallow parties, the yellow car, the spacious but empty house, the billboards staring him down as he drives when he’s hallucinating in s5. charlotte/daisy being a weak parallel in that he had feelings for her when they were younger, held onto them for years, only for her to be married when they reconnect, but it’s worth mentioning that the glow stick balloons were green.

someone on reddit pointed out that jameson’s baby in e1 had physical traits associated w fetal alcohol syndrome. like, short, upturned nose, eyes that are far apart, and low ears. it’s hard to say if it’s intentional, but he’s drawn w a lot more detail than a lot of the other babies i’ve seen in the show. if it’s purposeful, like, that’s amazing attention to detail

i liked how the season opened on a planetarium flashback, because honestly, the immediate aftermath of sarah lynn’s death is definitely kind of glossed over in s3 when it initially happens. and though i suppose the added information isn’t terribly surprising (like him lying abt the events that lead up to her overdose and minimizing his own role in it as much as possible), it did make me wonder why i hadn’t thought abt it before

bojack rly does show signs of serious growth in the 6th season and it’s cool to finally see him move forward w/o simultaneously backsliding in other ways. a lot of his good actions in previous seasons were only rly things that benefitted him. and there are a lot of examples of it, but i think the one that stuck out to me the most was w his therapist. when he fell off the wagon, it’d have been rly easy for bojack to look the other direction and walk away like we’ve seen him do before. realistically, he has no real incentive to care for doctor champ’s wellbeing if he’s no longer staying at pastiches, but he checks him into rehab anyway, and when doctor champ throws his insecurities in his face to be hurtful, he immediately identifies it for the petty jab it is instead of letting it fuel his negative thoughts and using it as an excuse to dive into self-destructive behavior. honestly e6 was the emotional high water mark of part 1, even though it wasn’t the kind of gut punch that the dramatic, narrative focused episodes of bojack tend to be

i’m glad that the writers finally /did/ something w todd that made him feel like an actual character instead of jst a device for the comedy part of the show. i used to watch this show w a friend and we always used to say that todd had very little depth given the amount of screen time he occupies and seeing them move away from that was refreshing. his struggle w jorge is very relatable as someone whose parents have always pushed me towards things i didn’t sincerely want based on their expectations and desires for me vs my actual opinions of what success and happiness would look like for myself. but, on the other side of the coin, there’s finally a little bit of confrontation of the fact that todd’s erratic behavior and shenanigans are very taxing things for people who care abt him to deal w. and todd is rly the only character who’s somehow defied the show’s formula in that he never faces accountability for the things he does. like, he’s enabled PB’s impulsivity many times and drove him to bankruptcy, care of PB Livin’, and it’s a detail in the show that’s never truly been acknowledged or talked abt at all. he fucked PC over when he wouldn’t follow through w his sham marriage to courtney, and it was met w a cheesy speech from her abt how he needs to follow his heart and do what he thinks is right. it always struck me as a weird oversight, and to finally see someone take him to task for how taxing his behavior can be was refreshing. his only other “depth” was the asexual stuff and honestly? that is stupid and does not actually count for anything

if it didnt warm your heart when PC named her daughter ruthie then you dnt have one. i wasn’t as invested in her narrative as i’d have liked to be, but its good when PC is happy and that’s what everyone wants

IM SO GLAD JUDAH IS BACK. also i still hope he and PC end up together (and maybe she has a viable pregnancy this time w him a la sex and the city charlotte but that’s a little too cornball sappy for this show). generally rly enjoyed how characters from previous seasons were incorporated this time around. but i dnt want them to bring back vincent adultman jst to spite everyone who’s always saying “bring back vincent adultman”

pickles is still my least favorite character even tho the surprise wedding episode was probably the one i found the funniest. realistically i wanna see things work out for PB but his relationship w her is obviously not the move for him, and she’s also the worst

i like diane and guy together, they have rly good chemistry but i also have a bad feeling abt where things are headed w them. he seems ambivalent abt how principled she is and the scene where his son comes to the party and he makes her leave when he could have jst introduced her as a party guest if it even needed to happen at all... there was jst something off abt it. like you can definitely see the cracks in the foundation already and it’s disappointing

the scene btwn PB and bojack where bojack says to him “but i understand that feeling of needing to bottle up your guilt, not burden other people w it. you think you’re protecting them from your toxicity, you convince yourself that you’re being selfless, but it comes out in other ways and it infects everything” hit close to home bc it reminded me of someone i used to bond over this show w and like... whew

i rly love how the dominoes are being set up w the reporters (even tho their his girl friday shtick got old fast) bc the way things are culminating, the story getting out is liable to expose bojack for everything. if they approach penny and she talks to them abt what happened, she’s liable to tell them that bojack and sarah lynn went to ohio to find her in the time before sarah lynn overdosed, and the pictures that her classmates took of them could establish a time frame. he was in new mexico when he was supposed to be filming secretariat, and that knowledge could lead to them finding out that he’d been digitally replaced in the movie. when this information gets out, it’s very likely that gina will dogpile onto it w the truth abt what happened on the set of philbert, since trying to conceal her ptsd is actively hurting her acting career bc of the reputation she’s developing as a problem actress, and even though she dznt *want* to be “that girl that got choked by bojack horseman”, she won’t have a choice if she can’t get jobs otherwise. i guess there’s always a chance that penny and charlotte won’t talk to them, but now that hollyhock knows about what happened in new mexico, either way his personal life will be hurt by this. i’m not sure what’ll happen to him professionally, since there’s a recurring point the series has been making w famous people never being held fully culpable for their negative actions, and it’s a dicey thing for them to approach w a character that many viewers find sympathetic without ending on some myopic note abt cancel culture (whether intentionally or by popular interpretation) but im excited

i also hate how my obsessive watching and rewatching of this show meant that the intended pete repeat reveal (like, you’re not supposed to recognize him until his identity becomes obvious through the prom night story) was sort of compromised for me bc i recognized his voice and the second he introduced himself, i placed him IMMEDIATELY but it was still such a great scene. it’s the most tense i remember feeling when watching and an all around great cliffhanger

the final line of e7 comes off as some rly grim foreshadowing–– “it looks like you found solace in our show. stay if you’d like. in 30 minutes, we start over”. but it’s such an incredible line in context. my god, i fucking love this show, you guys