#im going to put them in shadowboxes

[pastelsailorr]

My clown collection exponentially today

[doebt]

btw if you guys ever find any like feathers u dont wanna keep (outside or from a pet bird or anything long as theyre real feathers) if u mail them to me ill send u a postcard or a little drawing or something...i need them for my collection

[mekammin]

i just got this gorgeous new red leather jewelry box with like 10 or 12 compartments/drawers and lots of little boxes and pouches and shit and i was so excited to fill it all up and use it and then i realized i literally wont be able to use it until im living on my own?? anyway this is a weird kinda roundabout way of me saying that i’ve finally realized that a lot of my problems with my organization skills and inability to commit to certain routines is probably because ive never been able to exist solely in one place and that i have to make sure that all of my Important Belongings can fit into a backpack. my parents will get my caddies and boxes and stuff “for you to organize uwu!!” as if i wont have to empty it into a different bag every 3 days or how i dont like to put away clothed because otherwise ill forget to take them with me and wont have clean jeans to wear for half the week!! or fucking shoes suck!! out of my closet i only wear one pair of boots and one pair of sneakers. like i know its dumb and shallow but like also im really tired of compartmentalizing my whole life into one place or another and i literally cannot wait to have my own place with all my books and soap and clothes right where i decide theyre going to be and i won’t have to forsake routines in the name of convenience!!

[sfjn]

k but we need to talk about sufjan's sexy music, bc he avoids writing about sexuality in explicit terms but will hide it in big poetic ideas like god and mercy. Ursa Major, Landslide, all over AOA, you can't tell me even The Avalanche isn't about gay sex in a ski cabin.

he just values subtlety!!!! i mean. the beat is what really sells the heat in this album. but it’s that storytelling he’s aiming for. lyrically he goes for glancing mentions of sexuality, like discussing desire in parts rather than the whole picture, and i love that. esp bc for me raw sexual energy needs to be processed & communicated somehow, not just acted on. one of his sexiest songs is all of me wants of you (esp the live version, that BEAT) bc it’s desire discussed as a distant yearning, or as a plea... all of me pressed onto you... tracing someone’s shadow with your shoe rather than touching them. the impressions of the unmade bed in all for myself. a hand under a shirt in rhythm of devotion. the request for touch, if touching’s no sin, in venus. i just wanna makeout in my car. it’s lovely

part of it is def his foundation in folk as opposed to other genres that are aiming for the shock value of certain lyrics

i understand his motivation to use this kind of bodily shadowboxing bc i think sex, explicitly, is a messy thing, something both sacred and profane, and it’s only going to be a story that works when it’s about more than the immediate sensory feeling of it. like how sex scenes function well when they’re acting out something a little bit more complicated than chasing pleasure. like how a crush is built up in you, rather than an immediate attraction

on this topic i feel that planetarium is chockfull of that kind of sensory feel...i think he feels freer to discuss these things when it’s not putting his own self in the spotlight. relatable

also im CTFU AT AVALANCHE WOW never thought about it like that... your interpretation is valid and hilarious. i think that the avalanche is a chevy avalanche (bc of the t shirt he released) but...hm...maybe...truck sex...dfhjskgahlruejfnbed what a beautiful song

ok final note URSA MAJOR IS ONE OF THE MOST SENSUAL

[gaysie]

im sorry to ask this, i know you have posted about it before but what julien baker songs do you associate with each spn character (or the ones you know at least)?

please never apologize for giving me the chance to be more annoying about my absolute favorite topic anyway!

there could be some overlap but okay so starting off with dean songs:

go home. maybe this is more specific to the self-indulgent fic im writing but “i wanna go home but im sick / more whiskey than blood in my veins, more tar than air in my lungs" “and i know my body is just dirty clothes im tired of washing my hands god i wanna go home” like it’s about the unhealthy coping mechanisms... it’s about not trusting yourself to snap one day and just say fuck it i need to put something in me to stop this feeling... it’s about continuous longing for a home that never really existed... 

turn out the lights. “there’s a hole in the drywall still not fixed / i just haven’t gotten around to it / im starting to get used to the gaps” “when i turn out the lights there’s no one left between myself and me” IT’S about not dealing with things and bottling shit up because that’s how you cope! and always surrounding yourself with your brother or a job or a girl from the bar or anyone because god forbid yu’re left to confront yourself literally when there’s no one left between myself and me...

vessels. “pull of my armor, knees bruised and naked / peel back my skin, call out my name / vessel of brightness, come make me blind / this present darkness is swallowed by light” yes this song is about being saved by the holy spirit yes im making it be deancas because im sexy and my meat is huge

SHADOWBOXING. fuck i forgot how brutal this song is anyway “born cutting teeth on the curb / summoning ghosts up from the concrete” literally. dean. “when you tell me you love me i wanted so bad to believe it...” it’s about dean living his whole life thinking deep down that he’s unloveable and everyone will leave him HAHAHAHA

appointments. MORE ON THAT THEME. “won’t stop you from leaving i know that i’m not what you wanted (am i?)” “i think if i ruin this then i know i can live with it” LITERALLY. it’s about dean sabotaging all his relationships for the sake of control and knowing that they’re not going to stay anyway like if i ruin this then i know i can live with it DESCRIBES everything he’s done to sam like risking their whole relationship in often misguided attempts to keep him safe. we.

okay now for some sam songs:

happy to be here. fuckkkk man “a different me would be inhabiting this body/ have two cars a garage a job and i would go to church on sunday” “a diagram of faulty circuitry explains how i was made” “i know i should be being optimistic but im doubtful i can change grit my teeth and try to act deserving when i know there is nowhere i can hide from your humilating grace” literallllly it’s about thinking your cursed and evil for being born the way you are and trying to have faith nonetheless eye.

televangelist. “am i a masochist / screaming televangelist / clutching my crucifix of white noise and static / all my prayers are just apologies / do i turn into light if i burn alive” like s 2/3/4 he wants to be holy soooo bad but feels like he’s evil and thinks the best way to make up for it is sacrifice himself... turn into light if i burn alive... dude.

even. of course. “i know you were right i can’t be fixed so help me” “it’s not that i think im good i know that im evil i guess i was trying to even it out” LITERALLY S4 SAM CONVINCED HE’S EVIL BUT AT LEAST HE CAN USE IT FOR SOMETHING.

rejoice. “but i think there’s a god and he hears either way” “somebody’s listening at night with the ghosts of my friends when i pray asking why did you let them leave and then make me stay know my name and all my hideous mistakes” literally dean gets dragged to hell and sam cant stop it why did you let him leave and make ME stay... hideous mistakes... i think there’s a god/....

and finally a sam&dean brothers song!

hurt less. “and i know its a bad time but theres no one left for me to call” “damnit we are gonna figure something out if it takes us all night” “leave the car running im not ready to go it doesn’t matter where i just don’t want to be alone” “this year i started wearing safety belts when im driving because when im with you i dont have to think about myself and it hurts less” the season 1/2 vibes... bro dean was SO GODDAMN LONELY BEFORE SAM CAME BACK. crying. dont anyone dare think of this in a w*nc*st capacity or i will pickle your nuts 

[historicalfightingguide]

loved your recent posts about structuring classes, however as a fairly new fencer with no teaching experience im having trouble applying the same concepts to my solo practice. would you have any advice for solo drills, especially to someone who has never self taught? im guessing this is a common trouble in these times, with the quarantine and all.. thank you for all your posts!

First of all I’d be delighted to help but do consider I will be able to give out only fairly general advice here if I don’t know your specific focus in terms of weapons and systems you study. Feel free to message me unanonymously if that feels ok to you, or here again with such details and I can send you a follow up that’s more specific if this post doesn’t cover your questions well enough. Second of all there’s a fair bunch of footwork drilling that can be done solo that’s highly useful to beginners and advanced fencers alike. It may require more or less space and conditions to train in but realistically you don’t need an entire hall to train footwork solo, a semi-small room with a bit of space to move forwards and backwards can do the trick in a pinch.

And while different systems emphasize different types of footwork even if you were to only do solo training that focused on olympic fencing or boxing like footwork you could still apply a fair bit to historical fencing generally. That being said if you do have a specific source or weapon you’re studying do try and find the bits in the manuscripts or manuals you’re focusing on that mention footwork or general movement and try and apply that. It can be via set drills that do specific things, it may talk about principles you can try to apply with a number of different attacks or defenses you can drill with a sword, it may be good to do a sort of ‘shadowboxing’ footwork where you imagine an opponent and keeping distance. Hell if you have a wii or a VR of some sort you may even try and apply purely distance management with super basic footwork to games(bonus points if you try to use only that and not any actual combat mechanics to try and survive longer within a game). If that’s still too confusing try picking a few footwork movements that are the most basic(step forward/backwards,lunge,passing step for example) and try doing them only, without a sword or anything. At most just extend your arm before you as if you were holding a sword when lunging/doing a passing step but don’t focus on the arms technique. Then try doing them+a few movements that are related to or special versions of those movements alongside them. Then try doing the same at different stance levels,with your knees bent more or less-a deeper stance is harder on your legs but can be more stable and once your muscles adapt also a bit more explosive, tends to work better for linear movement, while a shallower stance allows some more options for direction changing and is easier on the legs but you’re less stable and generally a bit less explosive. Ideally you want to be able to use both. Which brings me to my next point - you can then try doing all those movements and every now and then switching the depth of your stance. Then you may try adding on forward/backward weighted stances(often called ‘offensive’ vs ‘defensive’ but they may also map more specifically to particular stances of a specific system you study) and doing the footwork moves in one, then in the other, and then switching from one to the other.

After that try switching your stance both up and down, forwards and backwards, first in place, then while moving trying to stay fluid. Then repeat the entire process while holding a sword. Try to go through it all with both a left leg forward as well as a right leg forward stance. You may go through it all with all the guards that exist in the system you study. First do it while standing in that one guard that’s easiest for you to hold or the most ‘basic’  one, then go through the entire set of movements within another guard, and then another etc. Then try switching between two or three guards while going through all the movements. Then try switching between all the guards while going through all the movements.

If the system you study has a lot of guards merely moving from one to another while standing in place first may also be a good idea. Doing it fairly slow at first, focusing on just moving and getting the grasp of the mechanics of it, keeping good form is good. Then slowly from session to session start always slow but during the session amp up the speed bit by bit. Basically what you’re doing in this example you’re taking a super basic set of moves and then building on from there with related concepts. You can do this within one session or you may spread it out over several training sessions if you feel a part of this feels too off. Don’t be afraid to go through it all unless you have some specific injuries that would prevent you from doing so.

The idea is basic step-step variants-stance variants-combining it all. You can apply this to cuts, thrusts, winding, etc.  You may want to go basic-a bit less basic-a bit less basic-complex etc. You may want to go basic-more basic options-a bit less basic-a few more a bit less basic options etc. You may want to combine the two approaches after a bit. You may want to focus on a set of cuts, thrusts and windings that may use similar mechanics within a set of drills,  working on one then the other etc. and then giving yourself options to pick between them. Or you may want to do the same with things that may be different mechanically but same or similar tactically. Important bits to keep in mind are not trying to do big jumps in complexity of movement, or duration of exercise, or intensity of doing so. Generally speaking you want to slowly increase it, one by one. Sometimes the sources give us exactly this approach, sometimes they don’t. If you can use at least bits from the manuals and manuscripts we study to apply to the specific workout session you’re planning that’s awesome, if not that’s ok. It may have to do  with the principles of the systems you study being trained through the exercises you picked, it can be about the specific motions and tactics described in the text, it can be about a specific detail of a movement you’re trying to get down. Many flourishes  do focus on basically giving you that option.

There’s more ways to do it obviously but that’s one of the ways I’ve found easiest. Another thing that’s easy to forget or that can feel weird when we’re on our own is time management. You don’t have to have a preset amount of time you train for but if you have the energy to plan stuff out I suggest you do so. Carving out a general idea of how much time you want to spend on what as well as the breaks to catch your breath in between can be very useful. Personally I like doing several minutes of training then a small break of a couple of minutes and so on for an hour or two. If you’re just starting out that sort of time table may not work for you and you may want to work just a couple of minutes, rest for a minute etc. and go on like that for half an hour. There’s no one absolute rule there but try to find a rhythm that works for you where whenever you’re training you’re actually training your fencing skillset, you are able to primarily(if not exclusively, these are hard times after all) focus on your goal, where you’re not primarily training endurance or some other form of physical capability( you can cross train and physical exercise generally is great but trying to mix it all into one thing can be counterproductive), and give yourself good rest times that don’t take too long either so that your body doesnt cool off and your mind stays on track without being overworked.

Always factor in some time for a warm up before working out - it can help put you in the right mindset and help relax and is good for injury prevention. And similarly it’s useful to consider a cool down period afterwords, a useful way to do so is to stretch. Do keep in mind that static stretching before active exercise is not good for you and may potentially be bad for you  That being said a warm up comprised of mobility routines and the like can be great, and using stretching after a work out can help sort of ‘finalize’ the session and help our body cool off slowly. It can also be a useful time to work on flexibility as well. Folks may worry about flexibility a bit too often compared to how useful it is in practice but it’s not irrelevant in martial arts and combat sports generally and the same applies to historical fencing. One can achieve the necessary flexibility through purely drilling fencing movements of various sorts however at such times we want to focus on doing the moves right and at the right time etc. so focusing on flexibility simoultaniously can be a bother. Working that bit out separately can help us in our regular practice that way. Also aside from getting books/pdfs of whatever system you study something that can be quite useful is Understanding Fencing by Czajkowski that focuses on olympic/sport fencing but gives you a framework that you can apply to create all sorts of drills(primarily but not only partnered ones) for basically any fencing system out there even though you may have to adapts parts of it. Remember to check out  A Guide to Starting a Liberation Martial Arts Gym

Also here’s a few pride-themed things to check out getting as well as a few related topics

And stay safe

And if you can consider donating to any of these causes.

Consider getting this rashguard or this one or something from here

We need change and justice for all.

This may be a useful link as well.

For anyone unclear on this Black Lives Matter.

Good luck everyone.

[losersclub3000]

Stenbrough playlist??🥺(if you like the ship, if not then maybe just a Bill playlist??)

i love stenbrough!! we all good bb 🧡

1. always by panic! at the disco

okay first of all this song is just So soft. takes me apart every time. like “when the world gets too heavy/put it on my back/ill be your levy” just them supporting each other without expectation/hesitation... theyve been friends so long they Know what the other needs without words... also “im the light blinking at the end of the road/blink back to let me know” maybe not them Talking about it cause theyre young and scared and not good with words but they both Know. i need to lie down its just so soft

2. the anchor by bastille

this song makes me hhhh okay so. “you’re the anchor that i tie to my brain/’cause when it feels like im lost as sea/youre the song i sing again and again” bill feeling lost at sea in his grief and guilt for georgie and stan grounding him and bringing him back to reality... stan getting lost in his fear and trauma and thinking of bill even in his last moments...... hhhhhhh also “let the years roll on till the static comes/cause you cut through all the noise”

3. talk me down by troye sivan

just!!!!!! so sweet and soft!!!! feels very Them im tender

4. foot of your bed by shakey graves

okay this is like. both of them kind of Know that something is going to be happening when they leave derry (theyve seen it with bev and ben; neither of them write or call like they promised they would) and they just. are trying to ignore it while knowing its coming up fast anyway. “nothing’s forever/love’s light as a feather/or so it’s been said/seeing is believing/the heart is deceiving/ or so i have read” also it just has a really dreamy sort of creepy kind of feel which i think fucks

5. shadowboxing by julien baker

this one isn’t quite a ship song but i think it applies rly well to either bill or stan... “singin’ too loud in church/screamin’ my fear into speakers/i collapse or burst/whichever comes first/i know you were tryin to help/but youre only makin it worse” just,,, after it and Not Coping Well and isolating themselves bc they feel alone and no one knows how to help.. i am upset

send me a ship or a character for a playlist + analysis! ♡

[cloneslugs]

oh fuck u sent me multiple so demo/engie/medic/scout and also u can do the one i already sent

ty i love you

Demo

favorite thing about them

he’s super fun!!! but also really smart and caring and just an all around cool dude he’s like B) !

least favorite thing about them

this isnt about him personally lol but like official stuff(comics) lighten the fuck out of his skin and its like. dont

favorite line

i didnt even see this question when i first did this wtf but uh all his “i love you” esque lines are really excellent

brOTP

exclusing soldier lol!!! probably sniper or engie!!

OTP

soldier :’)

nOTP

besides scout & pyro & just like. looking at just the mercs no one really demo deserves love

random headcanon

he likes turtles a lot & just reptiles/amphibians in general just in a kinda neat/favorite animal type way nothing special, he gets around with engie and sniper and they all get drunk and they talk about cryptids, he has a super big heart he loves love, outside of the battlefield he’s pretty apprehensive and cautious moreso than lots of the others at least, he doesnt push himself to be it often just bc he doesnt like leaderly positions but he defo has one of the more valid voices of reason amongst all of them, he loves to help and just listen to people he’s always ready to offer you a drink and take a load off and just talk things out & he’s super chill and easy to talk to anyway, he comes off as really lazy but he can jump up and make do when he needs to

unpopular opinion

idk whats considered popular or not on here lol but like!! he’s not just stupid silly drunk man he’s actually got heart and is pretty intelligent & like probably one of the better off mercs if he wanted himself to be

song i associate with them (this is literally the worst question im so bad at this if i dont have lots n lots of searching time and also i forget all music ever)

cheap thrills - sia

favorite picture of them (sorry 4 bg edits im doing what i have on hand lol)

hes so fucking happy i love you!!!

Engie

favorite thing about them

he’s my fucking husband he makes my heart fucking soar!!! he’s a quiet little sweetheart and he’s just really smart and nice and has morals iusdahui

least favorite thing about them

fucking nothing you animals 

favorite line

all his fucking nerdy engineering lines are so fucking good ;____; he’s so smart and passionate god“i love engines! pinion shafts! flanges. mitigating shock loads. but most of all: i love winnin’!” “they won’t know what hit ‘em! though it’ll likely to be bullets. statistically speaking” theres more but im like ;___; just thinking about him ah

brOTP

medic babey!!!!!! i have a thing for shitty best friends that tire each other out (especially on one side) but love each other at the end of the day and are just ride or diepyro also but for completely different reasons :-)

OTP

spy is fucking excellent -.- dont @ me

nOTP

soldier lol (excluding pyro & scout)

random headcanon

i think all the mercs are autsitic but engie is one of my fucking fav ahhhhh, he and medic info dump for hours especially where their special interests overlap and it gets really boring if youre not one of them lol, he loves learning but he hated school so much ):, he has pretty bad anxiety but only under certain circumstance, he’s kinda jealous that spy gets to automatically be seen as a paternal figure bc of scout and he kinda wishes he could settle in like that but he also doesnt think he’d be very good at it for a very prolonged amount of time, he loves math!!!! he loves numbers a lot he associates it with lots of fun and colors and just !!!!! wow wow!!, he has really really really high empathy when it comes to machines and stuff, he loves dogs especially smaller ones, he really loves to fidget w/ tools and stuff bc he always has one on hand and theres lots you can do with some of them, he’s really lazy and has a hard time applying himself sometimes

unpopular opinion

the comics really brush him aside i need to see him more please for the love of god he’s just as interesting as anyone else also fat engie is the only valid engie & also soldier/engie is fucking forced and weird idk where it comes from except they wear hats lol & also people call engie short but if you dont make him 5′00 give or take 3 inches youre doing it wrong and i cant stand by it

song i associate with them

this is like. also a soldier song for me lol but Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - the decemberists

favorite picture of them

ms pauling and medic!! his buddies :) also i just love the shadowboxers art

his fly costume makes me so ;___; i love you little man

also i hate to default to beard engie but this is literally the sexiest man alive

Medic

favorite thing about them

i have a thing for shitty men with halfway decent hearts but are trying(sometimes) okay like okay he’s so chaotic and bad but ;___; i love you

least favorite thing about them

this mostly applies to his Meet the vid but he comes off as really apathetic and cruel? i think in everything else he comes off as a bit nicer if not absentminded and not too socially aware which is :)

favorite line

bro when he warns heavy about that gun in the comix? gay rights U__U also the like “you can take the brain out of the criminal and put it in a pumpkin, but you cant take the criminal out of the brain in the pumpkin” or whatever shit sir i love you

brOTP

engie baby!!!! i also really like spy & sniper bc im weak for shitty support relationships i think med just works really good w/ everyone really in some way

OTP

heavy baby!!!

nOTP

all of the mercs are fine (excluding the usual lol) but like cHeavymed people are freaks die

random headcanon

he has really poor eating & sleeping habits he almost relies on everyone else to keep him alive, he’s autistic & he’s jewish but not really practicing, he pulls & tugs on things when he’s stressed, he’s actually really smart medically he just doesn’t like showing it/messing w/ people (it makes some of the smarter mercs nervous lol), when he gets bored & has nothing to play with he digs for drama he loves to start unnecessary arguments that have no value whatssoever, he’s scared of dogs, he only trusts sniper & maybe heavy to handle his birds if he were to die, heavy & archimedes are like mega comfort objects(?) for him !!, he’s kinda really bad at showing he likes/cares for people, this goes especially hard on engie ):, he has a really big sweet tooth, he cant cook, he doesnt ever censor himself and can be pretty rude, he’s an open book and has no sense of integrity, he got super attached to heavy right off the bat for seemingly no reason and it was just super awkward lol, he gets distracted really easily and drops projects too often when he gets bored/forgets, his room is a mess he doesnt know how to do chores, he’s trans and hasnt done anything to medically transition but he handles everyone on team who is 

unpopular opinion

he’s not a fucking sociopath lol like he has a heart and cares he just has a hard time differentiating right from wrong and doesnt think things out i love you

song i associate with them

this is my emo music time i keep changing this but im gonna go It Was A Swift Not A Swallow - Crywank

favorite picture of them

i cant pick between these two he’s saving his fucking boyfriends life & also the 2nd he just looks so peaceful and :)

Scout

favorite thing about them

he’s a sweet boy!!! he just wants friends and he’s stuck with a bunch of middle aged men we have to love his endurance also he’s a little baby faced menace i love you

least favorite thing about them

in the canon i ignore lol.. too straight we cant have that

favorite line

all his lines talking about how the group of them are all best friends and stuff??? i love that

brOTP

sniper !!!! also spy also everyone

OTP

no one really lol pyro is like. the only one im comfy w/

nOTP

sniper lol if we’re talking popular things & all the rest of the mercs really

random headcanon

he’s a super sweet boy who loves everyone on the team, he warmed up the fastest out of all of them and became super attached!!, he really wants a base dog, he really likes to spend time with everyone and listen to them talk like he loves sitting with engie and having him explain nerdy engineering nonsense that he’ll never get but he tries to but its just fun seeing how excited the other person is!!!, he became super close to sniper right off the bat for some reason which is weird bc scout can talk forever and sniper doesn’t know how to hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes but they like hanging out even if it gets tiring, he lives off of sugary drinks medic keeps telling him to stop, he loves to hang out w/ spy and they get on each others nerves but really enjoy it at the end of the day, he has little to no sense of boundaries, he loves to give hugs!!, he really tries to engage with everyone’s interests like i said he just loves making/seeing other people happy, he loves being part of big groups it always just feels like a big family to him

unpopular opinion

he gay :)

song i associate with them

the calculation - regina spektor

favorite picture of them

trans rights!!!

Soldier

favorite thing about them

he is a sweetheart he is my big stupid husband and we both love raccoons =.=

least favorite thing about them

the patriotism……  we arent having that

favorite line

he’s literally so fucking funny especially all his things w/ merasmus and just. everything

brOTP

excluding demo uh !!! SPY!!!! :D

OTP

demo :)

nOTP

engie x.x

random headcanon

he’s super sweet !!! he loves his friends so much, he loves to show off his raccoons to everyone :), he bonds w/ sniper over wildlife(raccoons), everyone has a lot of patience w/ him bc he struggles to communicate things a lot and kinda needs his time to get points across, he’s actually really observant and it would be really good if he just didnt jump to wild conclusions based off of it all the time, he’s really conscious of his actions and how they affect others like he’s kinda violent impulsively but hes taken note of who is and isnt okay with it or who’s okay w/ him saying what in front of them, he’s really protective of his friends!!! he knows theyre capable but he loves looking out for them, he loves to drag them off on fitness expeditions/training but he tires out before a good number of them/gets bored, he wakes up the earlies he loves the mornings, he can cook but nobody knows it, like scout he loves to indulge in what other people like but he’s more handson he loves to screw in screws for engie or hand medic tools or read out loud to spy or heavy or show sniper things he catches/turn over rocks with him, he loves medics birds but doc wont let him touch them ):, he wants to get a base dog too, he has no volume or tone control, probably the best hugger, he’s kinda shy about personal things like himself in general or being trans & liking guys he’s actually pretty decent at keeping personal things to himself not that he wouldnt share it just feels weird, 

unpopular opinion

he’s not just like shouty mean stupid man,,, he’s actually really sweet 

song i associate with them

rejoice- AJJ 

favorite picture of them

i have worse naked honey pics but this is fucking it lads gay rights

[lousylvrefiction]

Hello readers! To my chagrin, I realize we Authors Speak writers posted not one single post in the month of July. I, for one, didn’t realize I’d missed my day to post until it was long gone. Some of us were more on the ball than that, but just had a crazy calendar and didn’t make it. I hope this month is better, and I’m going to kick off August by posting on time. But… (isn’t there always a but?) because my calendar has gone crazy this month, I’m recycling. Don’t get me wrong! This post is completely right for the day!

Let me explain.

As you may have realized, I like to talk about other authors’ books. A few years ago, on my sylvre.com blog, I did that by featuring “lessons” at Gay Romance University. In 2014, I made a lesson about Anne Barwell’s book, Shadowboxing, the first book in her World War II historical Echoes Rising series. Read on to revisit that day in class!

Why is this the right post to republish today?

Because today, the final book in the series has been launched at DSP Publications! Happy release day, Anne, and congrats on creating a series truly worth the read.

Okay, then! Let’s go to school!

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(Get your textbook, and the rest of the series at this DSP Pubications link.)

here: Please take your seats people, we want to get started…. What’s that? Boxer shorts? Certainly they’re allowed…. Yes, sir, briefs, certainly. Sure, speedos are not only allowed but encouraged. Be comfortable, but do pay attention in class.

Even though Kristopher Lehrer’s last name means ‘teacher,’ as we examine the early pages of our textbook, Anne Barwell’s novel Shadowboxing, it is Kristopher who is most in need of schooling. Oh, he is a learned man, it’s true—a physicist working on an important, possibly world-altering project. Unfortunately Very Important Projects often become the clouds where a scientist’s head is most comfortable. Kristopher’s attitude, as the novel opens, is reminiscent of the fearless forward motion of a horse with blinders.

To illustrate, consider this: Kristopher’s friend—the man that could have been his first true love if Kristopher had been honest—is Jewish, and in World War II Germany the yellow Star of David he must wear means that he is in danger every time he steps out in public. And, though David is a respected physician, he can no longer practice medicine for the same reason. Yet when Kristopher meets him for coffee he has no clue why his friend is upset, or scared. Read along in your text (or look over your neighbor’s shoulder if you haven’t yet picked up your text). We look at what happens when David challenges Kristopher’s naivety, beginning on page eight.

“Have you any idea what kind of people you are working for?” David spoke quietly, as always, but there was an underlying tone of fear in his voice that Kristopher didn’t remember hearing before. David’s emotions were always controlled; it was something that Kristopher had envied. “Have you any idea of their real agenda?”

Kristopher snatched his hand away, trying to ignore how fast his heart was beating. Why had David come to him? Surely he couldn’t have presumed to use the closeness they’d once had to further whatever agenda he had? “I’m a scientist, David, trying to make the world a better place, just as you are. We are working for the advancement of science and for the good of the Fatherland.” The last sentence came out sounding like the mantra it was. Any doubts that Kristopher had were always dealt with efficiently when he repeated those words. While he knew the potential danger of the device they were working on, the chances of anyone considering utilizing the catastrophic component of it were remote.

“You always were naïve, Lehrer.” David raked a hand through his hair and replaced his glasses, adjusting them when they slipped down his nose. “Wake up and take a look at what’s going on around you before it’s too late.” An edge of desperation and fear sharpened his voice as he lowered it to almost a whisper; it sounded as though he was talking about the end of the world.

“Too late? Too late for what?” His earlier fears of being used vanished at David’s tone. Kristopher’s voice rose in pitch, all attempts of hiding his conflicting emotions lost as he tried to desperately work through his rapidly escalating confusion.

David shook his head, unwilling to say more, his eyes darting nervously around the small Kaffeehaus before his gaze settled on the man who had entered several minutes earlier. “I have to go. I’ve said too much already.”

“Wait!” David was already halfway out the door before the word was out of Kristopher’s mouth. He pushed his chair back, ready to follow his friend, then hesitated, suddenly unsure as to what had just happened.

A week later, dining at home with his sister Clara (whom he loves and depends on) and his father (with whom he has a strained relationship), he is shocked to hear that David has disappeared, and clueless as to why such a thing had happened. What’s more, he is just as dumbfounded when Clara says (on page 11)…

“Poor Kristopher.” Clara rolled her eyes. “You’re so involved in your work that you haven’t noticed what’s going on around you.” There was no teasing in her voice now. Whatever this was about, it was something very serious. “It’s because he’s Jewish, of course.”

… as he is when his father says…

“They are Jewish, Kristopher. What other reason is needed? Better that they are rounded up and sent somewhere more suited for their place in the scheme of things. We must not lose sight of the fact that the Jews are nothing more than parasites interested in taking control of the economy for themselves.”

We, the readers can take our first lesson from this, and the downhill spiral of father-son relations that follow. Please take this down in your notebooks. It will be on the test:

The longer you keep your head stuck in the clouds of denial (about anything, really), the more it hurts to pull it out.

Our next unit of study follows Kristopher as he goes about his work the next day. The clouds around his head have been disturbed, but not quite dislodged. Feeling cranky and a little wooly due to a poor night’s sleep, he enters his boss’s office when the boss is out, and rather clumsily knocks a pile of papers on the floor, and reads this sentence on one of them:

Cue ominous music.

We look forward to putting these plans into reality. Such a device will ensure the continued success of the Fatherland during this war against our enemies.

Kristopher’s head falls from the clouds with a mighty thud, which hurts and can’t be ignored even by a dreamy physicist.

Gott im himmel, as my very German mother would have said. Here Kristopher had been, believing he was working on nuclear fission for peaceful purposes, and suddenly he realized he’d been living in a lollipop world.

For a number of minutes, our scientist is unable to think straight. He knows what he saw, but he’s unsure of what he might do about it, or even how to keep from getting in trouble for standing in his boss’s office with his pants down (figuratively of course, because that would be far too weird).

But a guard comes along, Obergefreiter (Sargent) Schmitz, and helps him organize his brain and move his body, thank goodness. Of course, at first, Kristoffer is afraid that Schmitz will actually contribute to his danger, but he soon realizes he was lucky the Obergefrieter came along. He leaves the office that day still waffling about what to do. Like most ordinary Germans of the day, he loves his country and has some significant blind spots about it—a phenomenon not unknown at any age of the world in just about any country, including all of those where readers of this blog might be living today. But you don’t become a leading physicist if you are slow-witted. Once Kristopher’s sight is forcibly cleared, he cannot escape the truth about the leaders of the Nazi regime and what their intentions are.

After much soul-searching, presumably some hand-wringing, and a few horrid nightmares, Kristopher Lehrer confronts his boss… and is told in no uncertain way to mind his own business. The encounter goes from bad to worse. (You can read about this in home study, chapter three of the text.) When he is discovered in the room with his dead boss by the same Obergefreiter Schmitz, he figures his number is up.

Thank heaven for pleasant surprises, large and small. When Schmitz asks Kristopher if, as smart as he is, he can come up with no better plan than to threaten the guard with broken glass, here’s what happens (at the beginning of chapter four).

“My plan? […] I don’t have a plan. […] Do you honestly think I would be standing here waving a piece of broken glass if I had a plan.”

“Good point,” Schmitz admitted.

[Text elided by blogger… er, I mean university professor Lou Sylvre. Kristopher says:]

“Have you come to hand me over to the Nazis?” Whatever happened he didn’t intend to go easily.

The corner of Schmitz’s mouth turned up in a half smile before he shook his head. “I’m here to help you, Herr Dr. Lehrer.”

“You expect me to believe you?” Kristopher wished the desk behind him would disappear into thin air, although it still wouldn’t be of much help as Schmitz was blocking the path to the only door. “I know you’ve followed me for the past week.” He noticed the slight look of surprise on Schmitz’s face with a degree of satisfaction.

“You need to trust me, Dr. Lehrer.”

You may guess that Kristopher isn’t so sure that’s the best course of action, but like people everywhere when they’re in danger and want to trust someone, he looks for a way to do so.

“Give me one good reason.”

“The Nazis will be here in, Schmitz said, consulting his watch, approximately ten minutes. Either you trust me, or you tell them what you’ve just told me. I doubt they will believe your story.”

His voice softened. “I do.”

Now, students, you may have guessed that the Obergefreiter isn’t really the Obergefreiter. His real name is Michel, and he’s not even German. And his interest in Kristopher, like Kristopher’s trust of Michel, soon weaves into a whole new feeling. After negotiating much hell and highwater together, Michel soothes a startled, overwhelmed Kristopher in his own native tongue.

“A l’aise, Kit. Je suis ici… Ssh, tout est bien.”

Yes, Michel is there and all is well for the moment. There’s a whole lot more trouble to face, more evil to evade, more heroes to meet—all kinds, German, foreign, soldiers, everyday people. But Michel does whatever he needs to do to keep Kristopher alive. And since this is Gay Romance University, it isn’t giving away secrets to let you know, that once Michel has seen to the matter of Kristopher’s continued existence, he gets the opportunity to use a little French term of endearment.

“It’s all right, mon cher. I love you. I’m not letting you go.”

That is the end of our lesson, today. If you are interested in learning more on the subject, click the cover image above for a link to the blurb and purchase links. (And while you’re there, check out the continuation of this beautiful story in book two of the Echoes of War series, Winter Duet.

I thank Anne Barwell, Kristopher, and Michel for the privilege of treating the serious story of one of the world’s most painful times with a bit of irreverence. Truthfully, the heroes in this story are a reflection of all the real life heroes on every side of that war and every other, especially the quiet ones not lauded in headlines. They all deserve our gratitude, and I take no such service or sacrifice lightly.

Thanks for reading, everybody! If you’d like to check out or revisit the rest of the GRU posts, just go to