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#im here! you can be here too!!! join me!!!
neo-kosmos · 1 day
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hi all, shelby here! sorry for the total lack of activity on this blog for the past few years. we have been working diligently behind the scenes on our discord server as we wrote the drafts of the novels
if you haven’t heard, danny broke up with me and brian. we are getting neokosmos in the divorce as it has always been my baby and brainchild and brian has done virtually all of the prose writing since 2020. danny has wanted to step away for quite some time, and we are super proud of him for following his own path in life. the two of us will always be best friends but our time as partners and creative partners has come to an end.
we will be changing the name of neokosmos because danny is no longer working on and it is just not the same project that it was back in 2015. its a lot more adult, its a novel, the story and world is so much more developed and honestly we need a fresh start. as soon as we can we will be relaunching everything with the new name and posting the first five chapters for free for everyone to read to see if you wanna join us and make it happen. both brian and i are too disabled to work normal jobs so we need to make writing and selling artwork as our main gigs or we will be kind of fucked.
thank you to everyone who has believed in us over the years and especially our loyal patrons. its been hundreds of thousands of words and concept art and prep over the last 9 years and im so stoked to finally share what we have been cooking with more people. i started this project as a 23 year old recent grad with no idea what i was doing in life, and now at 32 i finally feel confident enough that what i am making is ACTUALLY GOOD????
so yeah, stay tuned, the whole project is about to enter Phase 3. love y’all
-shelby
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literaila · 1 day
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Need more gojo reader smoochfest
“remember this one?”
you’re a little bit dizzy, by now. you can’t remember how long, or when all of this started—but the end result isn’t necessarily unpleasant.
you hadn’t wanted to join nanami and shoko (and gojo whoever that is) for a drink—after a long day, three too many outfit changes, and a bed that you missed like an old childhood friend.
but your complaints are only partially heard, and satoru tends to drag you along wherever he goes, like a doll.
currently, though, you don’t really mind that.
gojo is not drunk, but you definitely are.
that’s why, mind you, when satoru spins you around again on the sticky linoleum floor, in this shitty bar that is definitely too small for dancing—you stumble a little.
but satoru’s hand is right there on your waist, keeping you steady and making sure that you don’t run into anyone that could be passing by.
usually he would let you trip and fall and spill someone’s drink down their shirt—because that would be hilarious—but you’re drunk, and he’s not and…
he enjoys taking care of you, when he gets the chance.
“no,” you say, giggling, when you’re spun back to him. “but i don’t think you should do it again.”
he’s grinning down at you. “why not?”
“because i might puke.”
satoru snorts, slowing his dancing down a little bit—because you really are swaying. “cute.”
“i know. aren’t you glad you married me?”
his eyes are covered but they’re sparkling (or you’re hallucinating). “very glad,” he says, with all the swagger that his seventeen year old self had.
that is to say, absolutely none.
but you lean in anyway, drunk and giddy and sweet, and brush your nose against his.
and satoru complies, like he always does, so his breath tickles your mouth and one of his hand finds its way to your jaw.
you kiss him once, just a slight peck, and pull back. you’ve always been a tease, but you usually reserve it for at home.
not now, though, when he’s so focused on only you, and so close that he could swallow you whole.
dancing always reminds you of satoru proposing, of letting him guide you wherever he wants to go in some sick metaphor about love and torture, the cure and the curse.
and, goddamnit, you’ve always been a sappy drunk. you’re going to regret this in the morning—especially because satoru has the upper hand here.
you told him you loved him for the first time because you were drunk.
and so, “i think im in love you,” you say now, again, just to get him to smile.
“then don’t tease me,” his tone is stern, a bit whiny, but you can see his dimples now.
“it’s so fun, though.”
“everything’s fun when you’re drunk.”
“tipsy.”
“okay, baby.”
“and everything’s fun with you.”
satoru’s mouth opens, his canines glittering in the dim light of the bar, and then he scoffs, “you—“ but he never finishes the sentence because his hand moves to the back of your head and he’s kissing you again.
you settle on your tip toes to reach him, sighing as he pulls you closer.
and you’re not moving now, nonetheless dancing, but who the hell cares?
satoru bites at your bottom lip, as punishment for being in love with him, and allows you to wrap your hands around his neck, drawing circles with your fingertips.
your body is so heavy and uneven, but it’s easy to kiss him like this. you’re not self conscious about the other people because satoru will keep them away from you both, and you’re not worried about breathing because why would you need to breathe when you could be kissing him?
still, eventually he pushes you back, setting his hands on your shoulders so you don’t fall. and he grins at you again, cheeky. “i think i love you, too.”
“oh, good. or this would be awkward.”
he kisses you again, a bit softer, but it’s not even a kiss, really.
because you’re both just laughing into each other, and everything seems so funny for a moment that you just let it happen. if you could rank the moments in time, kissing satoru like this would be very close to the top.
and someone probably shouts at you to get a room—but who cares anyway?
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crazylittlejester · 8 hours
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i'd love to hear all your head canons on Warriors! and the others too if you have any. :)
i'm trying to get into writing fanfiction but its difficult when the canon version of Link is just "blank stare and sometimes arson" /j. Warriors is one of the Links i have the most difficulty with characterization lol (Legend, Hyrule, and Four or also giving me trouble /lh)
aight this is definitely gonna be so much more than you asked for but im not havin a great day and you asked about my special guy and gave me permission to yap about him, so here are a lot of headcanons + the way that I write/characterize him in my own fics! (my bad for spelling errors or if this is incoherent)
- I hc he came from a rather large family out in the country, so he had a lot of sisters growing up and a lot more space than the city but he moved to the city and has stayed there since he joined the army at 15/16
- I know most people hc all the Link’s parents are dead but NOT ME, Wars still has his mom, but he hasn’t been home since he left. I hc he hasn’t been able to bring himself to go home because he feels like the war changed him so much as a person that he won’t belong there and nothing will be the same, and that his family won’t take him back because they’re expecting the same kid who left and he just isnt that person anymore
- I will die on the hill that this man is a fake blond (and that he also straightens his hair). I hc he started dying his hair because he was so desperate to fit in and also to look like the other heroes because his image is incredibly important to him. A whole war was started over him because Cia wanted him, he feels like he needs to at least LOOK like that classic image of the hero. Tied in with this i think he has a lot of insecurity about himself and how he looks because he forces himself to look such a particular way and he’s created this character of himself and acts it out so thoroughly he’s forgotten who HE actually is
- This is a popular hc for him because in his game soldiers turn against him, and you have to fight them in game so a lot of people hc there have been assassination attempts against him and that these include poison. So I hc he has a very intense fear of food that sometimes prevents him from being able to eat all together because he can’t trust where it comes from. Some days he has to watch it be made, some days he has to make it himself, and rarely he just can’t do it. This is all based on my own food allergies and fear of cross contamination, and I also gave him a safe food: oranges! My thinking behind this is that when I get like this eating prepackaged foods are the most comforting to me because it makes me feel like it couldn’t have touched something I’m allergic to, and oranges have a peel which is just a barrier between them and the world. Can they still be poisoned? Absolutely, and Wars knows this, but he’s irrationally dependent on them because in his mind they’re safe because he NEEDS them to be, otherwise he just can’t eat. Like deep down he knows it’s stupid and they’re not guaranteed safe for him, but when he’s panicking he’ll grab those because he’s convinced himself they’re safe and he’s yet to be wrong
- Purely self indulgent hc but I also gave him my blood sugar issues, which is truly just an angst source for me because he’s caught in a trap of having an issue where he HAS to eat semi frequently or bad things will happen but his deep rooted fear of all his food being contaminated makes it really really hard for him to do so
- I hc he’s got a journal that has so so much in it that’s a mix between a diary, battle plans, history book in the making, sketchbook, and more. To me he’s got such a big big brain and a thirst for knowledge and he absorbs history like a SPONGE. He met all these people from other eras during the war and he learned so much about them and their cultures and times, and now he’s going through time to some of these places??? He’s writing that shit DOWN. He’s absolutely the first one to figure out where everyone is on the timeline. He also got used to observing soldiers during battle and noting their strengths and weaknesses so he could plan where to put them in battle and thats just somethin he cannot turn off, so he analyzes the chain and all his notes on them are in this book too. He TELLS them these things, with the intent to help them grow stronger, and he absolutely offers to help them work things out and because of this the group has really become a solid unit. Also the whole thing is written in his native language that NONE of the others can read (I hc he’s brazilian/scottish and his native language is the equivalent of portuguese)
- He’s a very touch oriented person, though the war and his trust issues kinda messed that up for him, but he IS getting better with it. He does much better if he’s the one initiating contact, and he’s definitely a shoulder to lean on for the others and his hugs are very nice
- I hc he HATES shit rubbing against his neck, which is one of the reasons why that scarf is so thoroughly pinned down
- I also hc he came from a family of tailors, so he’s definitely one of the people the chain goes to if they need sewing help
- He’s the one who gives the others haircuts, and he taught Wind how to properly care for his curly hair
- I hc he has temperature regulation issues because of the severe burn scarring Volga left him with, so he and Wild are ALWAYS the first two to overheat
i have more, i could talk about him for hours, but my brain is getting fuzzy so i’ll stop here for now lmao sorry for yapping so much 😭
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awrkive · 1 day
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r we getting tlp3 anytime soon 😖😖😖
anon asked: Could you please give us a little tiny spoiler about tlp pt.3?🥹🫶🏻
hi first anon! no i dont think i can give u guys a date yet. im actually currently joining an architectural competition at uni so thats keeping me a bit busier than usual, but i am writing tlp 3 during my breaks so ... thats that. ANYWHO. i will make sure to update u guys when its ready to be out!
anyways, to second anon. a tiny spoiler under the cut proceed if u wanna.. 🤓
You’re pretty much drained the moment you arrive at your place.
Sighing heavily, you punch in the passcode and almost feel your knees buckling at the sight of the interior of your apartment when the door opens.
It feels like it’s been so long since you’ve been here, and coupled with the discussion that you had with Doyeon two days ago, everything suddenly feels overstimulating and there’s a certain burn at the sides of your eyes that urges you to cry. 
Swallowing the lump in your throat, you breathe in and out as you enter the threshold, noting the fact that anybody is not home. Or Jungkook isn’t present anywhere in the living room. You’re a bit grateful for that if you have to be honest to yourself – after all, the last time that you talked to him, it did not exactly go as well as you’d like. 
He could be in his room, though. That’s what you assume as you go straight over to the kitchen in hopes to heat up the take-out that you bought at the driveway. But the to-go container from Chipotle at the island catches your attention, as well as the laptop that is left open beside it. 
So Jungkook is home. 
The question is, where could he possibly be, leaving out his stuff here in the kitchen? Might be in his bedroom to grab something real quick? 
You don’t mean to do the next thing that comes to your mind, but your feet – your stupid feet – track back from the microwave to the island, and your eyes betray you as they go look and read the words on Jungkook’s macbook. 
The tab that's left open shows an apartment listing website, and the following tabs beside it are some familiar real-estate names you’ve come to visit on the internet before when you were looking for a place yourself.
It makes you freeze in your spot, eyes glued to the daunting images of the apartment layout that Jungkook must’ve clicked on awhile ago, and you take note that he’s seemingly, specifically, looking for one-bedroom and studio apartments. 
Your mind goes into a sudden haywire at the sight. 
What does this mean? 
“Oh, hey,”
The embodied voice makes your head snap to its direction, and you see Jungkook standing in front of you in his sweats and shirt – his usual home clothes – with a charger in his hand. 
“Jungkook.” You say, or more like, breathe out. There's a heavy feeling that sits in your heart when you look at his face – but most of all, it beats a little above normal.
But Jungkook looks just as surprised as you. 
“I… I didn’t know you’re coming ho– back.” He says, and you feel a sudden twinge inside that you ignore when you caught him pointedly avoiding the word home when pertaining to your place. Somehow, it felt intentional.
But you give him a smile. Probably a weak one. Probably doesn’t really look like a smile at all and more like a grimace.
If Jungkook notices, he doesn’t say anything. Just goes straight to the direction of the high chairs on the island and plug in his charger on his laptop. 
Then, he turns to look at you. “Uh.. you just got off from your shift?” 
“Uhm, yeah. You too?” You say, nibbling your bottom lip with your teeth. A nervous habit. 
“Nah, got off a few hours ago.” 
“Oh. Okay.” 
“Yeah.” 
You nod your head. You stand there for a while, letting the silence that’s admittedly awkward hang in the air. 
It’s weird, really. Jungkook and you usually have a lot to say to each other – but right now, there doesn’t seem to be a single thing that you can bring up.
There's a certain kind of melancholy in the case. 
“Well, uhm. That’s Zillow.” You say, pointing to his laptop. The moment the words left your lips you swear you could have slapped yourself. 
How stupid to ask him about it. How incredibly stupid for that thing to be your choice of topic after weeks of no proper communication with him. 
Jungkook seems just as taken aback by this, though, turning his head immediately to look at his laptop. There’s a slight jerk in his movements when he glides his fingers across the trackpad that closes the entire window of the internet and shows his PC wallpaper instead. 
“Oh. Yeah. That was… Zillow.” 
Stupid, stupid you makes everything even more awkward when you say, “You’re looking for a place?” 
Jungkook stares at you for awhile. There’s a pregnant pause, and then he nods his head. A bit hesitant. But his voice is full when he speaks. 
“Yeah.” 
So he’s moving out. That’s what you think as you avoid looking at his face, letting your gaze fall back on his laptop.
You give him a small smile. 
“Ah. Good luck with the search, then.”
Your hope you hide the way your heart completely breaks when you say the words. 
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blusandbirds · 1 month
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eli moskowitz - "am i making you feel sick?"
#blu edits#cobra kai#eli hawk moskowitz#demetri alexopoulos#hawkmetri#binary boyfriends#binary brothers#sorry randomly got bonkers about their dynamic in my head again#i love when demetri is spiteful give him edge give him that streak of pettiness he's always been secretly proud of#hes 17 his only sources of true joy are schadenfreude and free food#he humiliated eli at that party and he enjoyed it and yea they make up but he gets his licks now bc he's owed and eli lets him bc he's owed#and eli's approach to redemption is all roll over puppy eyes im sorry i'll do anything 'just tell me im yours' like thatll make it better#like thats productive. but he cant build demetri a sparring deck out of this so if demetri says jump... if demetri says join my dojo...#and so demetri will run him through his paces ragged for penance but it doesnt make it better and he looks at hawk and still feels sick#(and yes he loves him ofc he loves eli but that just adds to his turning stomach every time he sees those eyes looking up at him like that)#(its worse bc its eli making him feel this. not hawk doing something evil but eli trying to do something good and demetri still feels sick)#(because who does that shit and then comes back belly up like letting demetri claw his guts out makes them even)#(because who can claim to love someone and still get a kick of satisfaction out of making eli bleed <- verbally emotionally metaphorically)#(not physically. never physically. obviously. that's eli's thing. and so demetri's a leg up on him.)#^ im promise im a fan of interpreting them where theyre happy too#this derailed from the edit#if ur for some reason reading this then however you first interpreted this is prolly correct. i went a little rogue here in the tags#anyways please affirm my font choice in the notes or ill cry#jkjk#but lemme tell u i struggled i fought i serifed italicized bolded olbiqued until my head spun
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cosmicdenro · 1 year
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i got thsc birthday art cooking i have just been very late this year :p but i was going insane with friends on aggie last night so here's a bit of that :3 and here's the full canvas if u wanna see others' arts too
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good-beans · 2 months
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My @milgramcf Zine came in last week and I just wanted to say thank you for all the hard work the mods and creators put into it!! I've never been a part of anything like this before -- it was such a fun and coordinated project, and the final book came out stunning 🤩 It's exciting to participate in a charity project, and I love my little items haha!
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moeblob · 4 months
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Anyway they can change between being tiny and human sized. And when they're tinier they can only be seen by the other fae or their selected humans. So if you just passed Noll on the street while Shavuli was perched on his shoulder chatting away you wouldn't see or hear her.
#my characters#a lot of the fae who are trying to get noll to pick a human take turns joining him as he wanders if he opts to be human sized#if he opts to be small and fly around none of them can actually find him to follow bc he does it precisely to be alone#and makes careful to avoid all of them when he dips#which furthers their friendly obsession with him being their void like where is he we lost him we gotta go bring him back from the abyss!#and hes just off on his own being crippled by anxiety at being a disappointment bc what if he isnt fun enough#absolutely unaware that all his friends are like we gotta go find him hes too good at this#hes going to win the game we have clearly set up to involve humans before he even recruits a human#cause he is TOO GOOD at slipping away ITS NOT FAIR we love him what a weird fae thats our lil guy!#noll really is just out there impressing all of his friends and not knowing hes impressing them bc hes too scared of being abandoned#and i was telling rae but when he does find the human he wants as his for the game#hes like ok so im gonna be honest here i turn into a big sword and you are definitely not going to be strong enough to carry me#and the human just like ok then pick someone else?#and hes like no no i cant you dont get it youre resourceful and im resourceful THEREFORE! i have an idea! just for us!#and then proceeds to shatter himself into shards basically#so that the human can have many smaller easy to control swords rather than one too big sword#and when all of the other fae see it they are absolutely delighted bc they didnt know he could do that! thats so cool! wow! they love him s#and he doesnt tell them that it actually really flippin hurts and being broken is agonizing but he wants to win so badly#anyway hello appreciate the void fae noll and his lil buddy shavuli who can turn into a spear C:#in her human form though she loves to wear hoodies instead of just like .... a skin tight suit with draping fabrics#she does wear biker shorts bc leggy.... she likes to have legs free#but she likes hoodies a lot
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gothcleats this swiftli that but you're missing the bigger picture. *pulls out my Riz Gukgak conspiracy board with all the red string from my crochet ben and hits it with my yard stick* they're a POLYCULE! ALL THREE OF THEM ARE IN LOVE!
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just-null · 1 year
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noritoshi stansism so true
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i love every character in jjk equally, Noritoshi (JR) and not Noritoshis! idk what youre goin on abt
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hauntingblue · 6 months
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Ace...?? they cloned my beautiful wife...
#ace if he was born with his mother's hair but without freckles.......#this 3d intro... damn they spent their coins here but didnt age that well xd#i love how there is nearly a movie for every character that joins since usopp.... sanji got the last one. chopper has one i havent seen#and robin now.... i mean its not their movie but you know what i mean#zoro and nami on the same wavelength i miss you.... my fag and hag sisters....#robin old design i miss you.... her and nami look so different.... not like now....#I MISS CHOPPER OLD DESIGN HE LOOKS SO SILLY!!!#the goofy scenes are too good..... 'luffy what are you doing''nothing just a fight' 'okay dont get lost'#also sanji with robin and nami while the others fight... the girls AND sanji#this guy looks like ace with his kinds long middle part hair and eyes.... and luffy likes seeing hum fight#i am seeing things where there are non but my beautiful not dead yet wife keeps haunting me once again#seeing luffy talk about how if he dies fighting to be pirate king then so be it and like HE DID!!!! AND THAT DIDN'T STOP HIM!!#kids with guns TUN TUN kids with guns TUN TUN#robin made a gigantesco mano.... this was visionary#ROBIN giving back the gun to the child so he shoots luffy and he can bounce it back.... luffy enabler num 1.#nami threatening a child with zoros sword.... i needed this so bad.#shryer.... your drip too hard.... your swag too different.... your smoke too hot.... they will kill you#NOOOOOOO the clone of my beautiful dead wife died just like him.... face down...#the old man is dying and zoro knows....#shryer is alive who woulda thot.....#'be serious' 'im always serious... didnt i get out?' this is him. omg#sanji with the cooking hacks for the fight.... i am sure of it... also sanji spy come back to me....#THE BOY IS THE SISTER??? AND THE OLD MAN AND ACE CLONE ARE BLOWN UP???#it is flour lmao they got their ideas from the fight with crocodile#everyone is alive and well 👍🏻including the hat#that was kinda beautiful with that plot twist and everyone wanting to live and all....#nami strangling zoro!!!! more!!!#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies
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iftitah · 5 months
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#the more i stay around people the more i want to become like them out of spite#because i was so surprised these people are at least 24-26 years age some even did a minor bachelor's before coming here#some have completed post grad and then joined#like aren't you all too fucking old to act that immature#i grew so resentful of everyone how they keep on doing the worst low man shit and then victimize themselves#hypocrites full of shit they don't want to hear the truth#i know no one has the audacity to take a fight with me on here because they know im the youngest here#not because im the youngest but because im better#the girls frown upon me because i don't hear their low mindset humorless jokes and pointo out where they fall short#oh [my irl name] youre so stiff hamesha kami kyun nikalti rahti ho hamesha baat kaatne ki aadat hai learn to take a joke#mazaak hi to kar rahe hain kya yaar#ive cried so many times because i feel suffocated here and out of hate i want to act immature selfish hypocrite too so i do#i become self centered and look into my needs#but everyday bcg shows me how one stays firm in mindset even amidst surrounding of shit people#he points out to me all the time when i start acting like them he says why aren't you trying to rise above#i say ham bhi karte hai na unn chutiyon jaisa behave kyunki unhe unhi ki language mei samajh aata hai#achha ban kar honest banne se kuch nahi milta yaha#but he knows his stuff#he never does these things#however much i let evil thoughts take upon i get astounded everyday how he's practicing his rightful his honesty even tho no one's looking#it makes me want to cry#i hope he gets so ahead in life i hope he stands at the podium one day on a stage and deliver speeches where people actually can see him#like he sees the orator that come to attend our unis gatherings and says everytime kuch to baat hoti hai inn logon mei#i hope he achieves whatever he wants i hope he gets ahead of everyone all this fucking corruption#its not that he's done anything that im applauding he tries his best#and maybe teachers see that too all in class they're only looking at him and teaching they know#do you know how fucking hard it is not get corrupted in this uni and become one of those assholes that have done things unimaginable#im inspired everyday ill try my best to be like him#i do not just want to praise him i want to become someone he doesn't have to say fir tum bhi vahi karogi to kya farq reh jaayega#kuch bada nahi hota logon ki roz roz ki choti choti aadaton se pata chal jaata hai vo kaise hain
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crowcryptid · 1 year
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while searching for gabe clips today i mean. working i got 2 maw clips so im putting them here. who give a shit.
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vulcandyke · 9 days
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attention new country artists online: you cannot say you're bringing back "that good old country sound" if you're exclusively posting blake shelton and toby keith covers. good lord
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i hate character design but i drool when i get the chance to do it
i hate character design its so time consuming and its so much effort and it forces me to think and---
hey girlie
wanna design this character?
OMG YES YES YES YES YES PLEASE!!!
........
so
anyways
Nakshatra (नक्षत्र)
and
Yumi (由美)
hmmmm
so naksha tara is star map which is ehhhh close enough. star ->star
yumi is purpose and beauty which is ehhhh
im brainstorming here. not a fan of either of those
........
Chayavati (छायावती)
chaya + vati is like shadows + association suffix = associated with the shadows
so if you stretch your brain enough, it could imply treachery
-1 i hate it
-1.5 you can tell which language it is but not the meaning
-2.5 doesnt start with an S
-3.5 not very thoughtful
kanksa (काङ्क्षा) is like desire and longing. honestly fitting considering the whole plotline about [redacted]
-1 you can tell which language it is and search up the meaning
-2 doesnt start with an S
+1 fits his general themes very well
Saktyasa (शक्त्याशा) is hope for power. so -> desire for power. actually if anyone names their child any of this shit no wonder he went batshit. like--
+1 point because it starts with an S
+2 the spelling makes it almost impossible to tell which language it is and what it means
+3 because i also dont know the language so its even better if i messed up (last i knew of this language was like 10 years ago in meditation school so fuck me)
-1 doesnt encompass as many themes as i like
-2 sounds like exotic gibberish enough to get me cancelled for racism
forget him lets go fuck up some kanji
風刃 kanji for wind + kanji for blade HAHAHA im AAAAAAAAAA
ok so thats a kanji pair so more than likely its onyomi reading right?
so then i think together its read like fujin? is it? on for 風 is fu and for 刃 its jin or nin? in names it seems to be jin
ok so 風刃 is fujin (?)
+1 literally her name
-1 literally her name
善心. 善 is virtuous and onyomi is "zen". 心 is heart/mind and onyomi is shin
zenshin
-1 i dont like it
+1 its true
強志. 強 is strong with onyomi as kyou and gou (i could not tell you which one is to be used). 志 is resolve with onyomi shi
so its either kyoshi or goshi.
+1 i like it
+2 its true
-1 i dont know japanese so i cant tell which reading
back to him
I could name him Sanki
it means strange/eccentric/crazy
+1 starts with an S
+2 captures his entire personality
-1 easy to figure out which language and meaning
ill keep it as his nickname. like screamer was supposed to be derogatory nickname, this is derogatory nickname too.
maybe change the romanization to Sanky
Saktyasa nickname Sanky
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eclarinet · 2 months
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same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
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