#im internally like ''okay but can i just drive it until monday...'' but i trust that if they say it's dangerous it's dangerous

[bunnyb34r]

Well maybe me destroying my tire (again...) was for the best bc I need new tire rods and apparently they're VERY loose :/ still sucks

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Eccentricity [Chapter 2: You Can Run Around Infinite In My Head]

Series Summary: Joe Mazzello is a nice guy with a weird family. A VERY weird family. They have a secret, and you have a choice to make. 

Potentially a better love story than Twilight (we’ll let @killer-queen-xo​ decide when it’s all said and done 😉).

Chapter Title Is A Lyric From: Rome by Dermot Kennedy.

Chapter Warnings: Language, mentions of violence. 

Other Chapters (And All My Writing) Available: HERE

Tagging: @queen-turtle-boiii​ @bramblesforbreakfast​​  @killer-queen-xo​​ @maggieroseevans​​ @culturefiendtrashqueen​​ @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark​​ @escabell​​ @im-an-adult-ish​​ ​ @queenlover05​​ @someforeigntragedy​​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​​ ​ @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​​ @deacyblues​​ ​ @tensecondvacation​​ ​ @brianssixpence​​ 

Please yell at me if I forget to tag you! 💜

Missing In Action

I wish she would stop staring at me.

Lucille sat at the Lees’ usual table and apathetically picked through a heaping salad. (Friday was salad bar day, which I appreciated considerably more than the chicken finger obsession that marred Mondays at Calawah University.) Every once in a while, Rami nudged her and Lucille would spear a cherry tomato with her fork and bite it in half with perfectly even, white teeth. But her large blue-green eyes—they reminded me of webs of seaweed tumbling in the cold, frothing La Push waves—always found their way back to me, strangely focused, inquisitive, perhaps accusatory.

Ben probably told them how much he hates me for whatever nebulous reason and now they all hate me too and I’m going to spend the next two years being death-glared by five ridiculously attractive and somewhat incestuous foster kids.

Chemistry was a three times a week class. Ben hadn’t shown on Wednesday, and I was 99% sure he would skip again today. I spotted him around campus periodically, always from a distance: dropping quarters into a vending machine, clandestinely vaping behind dorm buildings (what self-respecting pre-med student VAPES?!!), browsing YouTube videos in the library next to a tower of unopened textbooks, biology and chem and physics and calculus. He wasn’t home, he wasn’t sick; there was no attempt made to construct any sort of pretext. He was patently avoiding me.

I stabbed moodily at the serrated disks of cucumber in my salad. Jessica was blathering away about the latest season of The Bachelor and ranking the contestants’ eyebrows from best to worst. “...Like seriously, has she never heard of microblading?!”

“For real,” Angela offered, not especially invested but forever a good sport.

Lucille’s eyes settled on me again as she sipped a cup of steaming tea, staring until her forehead crinkled with the effort, staring hard, almost leering.

“What’s her problem?” I muttered.

Jessica shot a glance towards the Lee table and slurped her Sprite. The great mystery surrounding her potential Mormon-ness persisted. “Who? Lucy?”

Only Lucille’s friends called her Lucy. Jessica, a shameless aspiring socialite, presumed she was everybody’s friend unless they explicitly informed her otherwise, which of course no one ever did.

“Yeah,” I answered glumly.

“Maybe it’s your dress.”

“My dress? What’s wrong with my dress?”

Jessica wrinkled her nose and surveyed me as if I were a bug, and not a cute bug like a roly-poly bug or The Very Hungry Caterpillar or whatever. Like a really hideous bug. Like one of those spider-cricket hybrid things that hopped straight out of a hell dimension and into the dark, drippy corners of your basement. “It’s, like, very 1960s. But not in a sexy Woodstock way. In a ‘I’m about to join a hippie murder cult’ way.”

“I got it at TJ Maxx. It was on sale.”

Jessica snorted. “Probably for a reason.”

“That’s it. I’m giving all the hippies in my new murder cult your address.”

She and Angela laughed. Mike and Eric, the missing pieces of our daily lunch puzzle, were preoccupied with a campus protest to convert fried fish day (Thursdays) into tacos day. I sympathized with their efforts, but didn’t feel that my one-week tenure as a Calawah University student gave me much right to go around overhauling the dining hall schedule.

“I doubt she’s actually offended by a dress,” Angela said, nibbling on French fries that shed grains of salt like snowflakes.

Jessica sighed dreamily. “But Lucy’s just so fashionable...and that accent...” She drifted off into some daydream which began—I could only assume—with Lucy’s invitation to go shopping together and concluded with marrying Ben on some lush tropical island in the South Pacific.

Lucille was definitely fashionable, especially today: short black dress with sheer sleeves that ran to her fragile wrists, black polka dot tights, black heeled oxfords, dangling ruby earrings like beads of blood. She would have blended in perfectly at Paris Fashion Week. Rami was wearing a cardigan and khakis, per usual; Joe was in dark fitted jeans and a roomy U Chicago hoodie despite the fact that Forks was at minimum a thirty-four hour drive from the Windy City. What did Angela say his major was? Finance? No, Mathematical Economics. So he’s probably aiming at Chicago for an MBA or Econ PhD someday. Angela had told me that Joe was wicked smart. He better be if he’s entertaining fantasies of grad school at the University of Chicago.

Scarlett had come straight from Fencing Club and was wearing bright pink yoga pants and a t-shirt with the sleeves cut out, sprinkling Hot Cheetos into her open mouth, her blonde hair secured in a tight French braid. You know those girls who are so irrationally, gluttonously, unfairly beautiful that it doesn’t seem possible the genetic lottery could spit out so many winning numbers at once, and you comfort yourself with the certainty that there must be some set of circumstances that would level the playing field—I bet she looks like anyone else without all that makeup, she just has a really good sense of style and knows how to maximize her assets, there are definitely some goofy oversized ears hiding beneath that hair and that’s why she always wears it down—and then one day you run into them wearing sweatpants and a ponytail in the tampon aisle at Walmart and they’re still so perfect it stings you, baffles you, makes you feel like there must have been some divergence in the evolutionary chain because there’s no freaking way you’re the same species? Yeah, Scarlett was one of those girls. Scarlett was the queen of those girls.  

Ben was conspicuously absent from the table.

Scarlett’s pink leopard-print iPhone rang and she answered. “Hello?” She turned to Joe. “Dad says you left your phone at home. Do you need it?”

Joe was gnawing his way through his third slice of pepperoni pizza. “No, I’m good, thanks though.”

Scarlett relayed the message. “Dad says he’s going to bring it by just in case.”

“Oh my god, ScarJo, I’m fine! Tell him not to!”

“Dad says he doesn’t trust you and he’s going to be here in fifteen minutes. He’s also bringing the Game Theory homework you left by the hot tub.”

Joe groaned and rolled his lively dark eyes as Rami grinned at him; Lucille was still watching me and entirely oblivious.

“Isn’t it weird that Ben and Lucille have accents?” I asked Jessica. “That they’re from the U.K.? I didn’t think fostering kids was an international thing.”

“It’s not that weird. Dr. Lee is British too. Maybe there’s some kind of exchange system, I don’t know. But you know what I do know?”

“What?” Now my interest was piqued.

She smiled. “That the British accents are hot.”

“Ugh,” I exhaled involuntarily.

“Please get a hobby,” Angela begged Jessica. “Start a YouTube channel. Make care packages for orphans. Grow marijuana. Adopt a cat. I have a shift at the animal shelter this Sunday morning, you want to come with me?”

“Sorry, can’t. I have a temple thing.”

Temple on Sunday. The mystery is solved. She’s a Mormon for sure. I mentally resolved not to let her set me up with anyone unless I was still single on Valentine’s Day. Which, obviously, assuming I’m not dead in a ditch somewhere, I will be.

I gathered up my trash and slung my backpack over my shoulder. “Okay, well this has been a bizarre lunch to be completely honest, and now I have to go to Chemistry so I’ll see you later and hopefully we can brainstorm some more alternatives to Jessica’s current life trajectory on Monday. Because I am not looking forward to being a bridesmaid in these impending Lee nuptials.”

“Oh please!” Jessica lamented. “He doesn’t even know I exist. You, on the other hand...”

I scoffed. “Yeah, he wants to kill me. I truly have a gift.”

They waved as I left. I could feel Lucille’s eyes on me until I reached the door.

Sure enough, Ben wasn’t in Chemistry. I tried not to notice. I drew my atoms, wrote my equations, took my notes diligently and in my favorite sky blue ink. But I felt the emptiness in the chair next to me like a black hole, like an immense and dragging weight, like a snag in the fabric of all those interwoven strands of physics that orchestrate the universe like an immortal puppeteer. Why can’t I forget this guy? Why do I still feel like I’ve met him before?

Halfway through class, I hauled my emergency sweatshirt out of my backpack and pulled it on over my dress, floral and flowing and golden yellow like the sun, the sun that never shines here in Forks. I had liked it plenty under the florescent lights of the fitting room at TJ Maxx, and I had still liked it this morning; but Jessica’s words hummed around in my skull like wasps. The zipper of the sweatshirt was broken, but it accomplished the task of obscuring my dress well enough.

After Chemistry, I journeyed to the campus library to find a book I was supposed to read and present for a different class. I looked it up in the computer catalogue, spent an embarrassingly long time trying to figure out how the Dewey Decimal System works, eventually wound up finding the book on the highest floor of the library...and, to add a little extra peril to the mission, on the highest shelf. The book mocked me from its lofty, unattainable stronghold. The title was embossed in gold letters down the crimson spine. The Walruses And Me: A Transformative Experience. Idiotic title, I’m aware. It’s about some marine biologist who spent months alone in the Arctic studying the lifecycles of walruses. A noble pursuit, sure, but still a terrible title.

There wasn’t a chair or stepstool in sight. I tested my weight by stepping up onto the second-lowest shelf. The metal immediately squealed and shifted in protest. I retreated back down to the carpet, defeated by gravity. I scowled up at the book and sighed melodramatically. Ugh.

“Need something?”  

I spun around to see Joe in his University of Chicago hoodie and pale flawless skin and intangible magnetism, that bewildering trademark Lee ethereality. I instinctively crossed my arms, clutching the sleeves of my sweatshirt, shrinking inwards like a startled armadillo in the Arizona desert.

“Are you, uh, anemic...?” he ventured.

“Oh no, I’m not cold. I’m just trying to hide my dress. My friend said it was too hippie-murder-cult 1960s.”

I figured he’d laugh, make a snide comment, maybe just blink in confusion. Instead, he glimpsed down at my dress—what could still be seen of it, anyway—and shook his head. “The neckline isn’t right for the 60s. And you seem like you’ve showered at least once in the past two weeks, so definitely not a hippie.”

I smiled, completely unexpectedly. “I didn’t realize Econ majors knew anything about leftist counterculture.”

“Disparaging it is our favorite pastime. Are you trying to get a book or are you just disrespecting university property for entertainment?”

I pointed. “The big red one.”

“The Walruses And Me...?”

“I know, it’s a horrible title. Not my personal preference. It’s for a class.”

“Bestiality 101?”

“Good guess. Marine Mammals.”

“Ahhh.” He glanced up and down the aisle, tapped his chin with agile fingers, pondered something I wasn’t privy to. “Turn around for a second.”

“What? Why?”

He waved his hand mysteriously in front of his grinning face. “It’s a magic trick. I’m going to make your problem disappear.”

“You can’t climb that,” I warned. “You’ll fall and break your neck. Or you’ll knock the whole shelf over and cause a tragic domino effect and the university will withhold your diploma until you pay them restitution.”

“I’m extremely athletic.”

“Are you sure?” I appraised him with exaggerated skepticism for comedic effect. “My dad refers to you only as the spindly annoying Lee.”

Oh my god, WHY did I say that?

Now he would definitely hate me. Now I’d have two mortal enemies on one campus. I mentally calculated how humiliating it would be to transfer to some Florida college, any Florida college, after only one week at Calawah. Hi mom, yeah I’m coming to live with you and Paul, a gang of hot pasty foster kids wants to slaughter me.

Instead, Joe threw back his head and cackled wildly. A librarian—mid-fifties, angry red hair from out of a box, fuzzy cat sweater—glared into the aisle and shushed him.

“Chief Swan...he actually...he calls me that? Really?!” Joe managed, wiping his leaking eyes. “That’s hilarious. I’m so glad my life is in his hands. Okay seriously, turn around.”

“Why would you help me?” I asked suspiciously.

“That’s just what I do. I’m a friendly guy.”

“This friendliness must not run in the family.”

Again, Joe’s cheerful demeanor didn’t falter. “You mean Ben? Forget about Ben, he hates everyone. Don’t take it personally.” Then he added: “Plus, as I’m sure you know, we’re not biologically related. No overlapping genetic material whatsoever. I didn’t get the male supermodel gene, he didn’t get the irresistibly charming gene, life’s not fair but the world keeps spinning.”

“It sure does,” I agreed softly. Unexpected wisdom from my new favorite Lee. I turned away from him. “Fine, I’m not looking, go ahead and dazzle me with your supernatural friendliness—”

“Done.”

“What?” I whirled around. Joe held The Walruses And Me in his hand. “How...did you...?!”

He passed me the book as I sputtered incoherently. “I told you. Magic trick.”

“I don’t....?!” I gawked up at the top shelf, at Joe, back to the top shelf. Sure enough, the space where The Walruses And Me once lived was now just a vacant slit in the row of dusty books. How could he have climbed up there that quickly? How could I not have heard anything? “The shelves didn’t even creak,” I murmured shakily.

“Yes, well, that’s due to my conveniently spindly physique.” Joe winked. “Any other problems I can help you solve at the moment, Baby Swan?”

“No. And don’t call me Baby Swan, or I’ll push this whole bookshelf over and tell the feisty librarian lady you did it.”

“That’s cold, ma’am.”

I liked that Joe didn’t make me feel like Ben did: unworthy, unloved, infuriating. Joe made me feel something else, something lighthearted, casual, buoyant; like the world didn’t have anything in it worth worrying about, regretting, agonizing over. Like unadulteratedly myself was all I ever needed to be.

I heard a muted buzz and Joe slid his iPhone out of his jeans pocket. Dr. Lee must have successfully delivered it. “Whoops, I forgot that Ordinary Differential Equations existed. Got to go. See ya.”

“Bye,” I replied. And then Joseph Lee was gone, very quickly, a little too quickly, the same way that Ben had vanished on that first afternoon after Chemistry.

Forks is weird. Calawah University is weird. And the Lee kids are super fucking weird.

Long Walks On The Beach

“Can I ask you a random question?”

“You just paid me $100 for an oil change that took fifteen minutes. You can ask me anything you want.” He grinned, flashing bright teeth and deep dimples.

It was Saturday afternoon. I had shoveled down a Chipotle veggie bowl as Archer changed the 1999 Accord’s oil in a small garage with a cracked concrete floor and the searing pungency of gasoline fumes thick in the air. He had apprenticed all through high school and rented his own shop after graduation. Archer now had a loyal clientele that encompassed virtually the entire Quileute reservation and a growing chunk of Forks...including Charlie and me, of course. Archer was the only child of Larry Foxchild—Charlie’s best friend since they worked together at Dairy Queen as teenagers—and the closest thing to a son my dad would ever have. I guess that made him like a brother to me, something that seemed intuitive now that I’d thought of it.

After the Accord was serviced we drove it down to La Push to walk on the beach, climb the salt-lashed rocks, toss pebbles into the roiling surf, reprise our childhood enthusiasm for poking dead washed-up marine creatures with shards of driftwood.

“Do you know anything about the Lees?” I asked Archer, investigating a deceased green shore crab.

His brow furrowed. He looked so serious like that, suddenly so much like Larry: the same tan skin, jet black hair, umbral eyes like oil wells, strong jaw overlaid with the stubbled shadow of a beard. We really aren’t kids anymore, are we? “The doctor and his kids?”

“Yeah. The foster kids. They’re really pale and strange and half of them are British.”

Archer chuckled. “I know who you mean. They’re hard to miss.”

“Are they...” Just eccentric rich people? Traumatized from abusive childhoods? Government experiments? CIA agents? Secret murderers? The image of Ben in that first Chemistry class came roaring back to me, including the adjective that had flashed red behind my eyes like an emergency exit sign: fierce. Finally, I decided: “Dangerous?”

Now Archer full-on laughed, gripping his belly, shaking his head. Drops of saltwater flew from his short hair. “Seriously?!” he exclaimed. “Come on, they’re freaks but they’re not, like...that kind of freaks.”

“Are you sure?” I was starting to feel better already. Of course they’re not actual demons, you fucking idiot. This is Washington, not The Twilight Zone or Black Mirror. Not goddamn American Horror Story.

“Yeah.” Archer skipped a grey pebble over the water, something I’d never been able to do. “I’ll be honest, I don’t know them all that well. They usually keep to themselves. But I’ve never heard anything bad about any of the kids. And everyone respects Dr. Lee and appreciates him for taking the pay cut to come to some bumblefuck town like Forks. He’s insanely highly credentialed, has degrees from Harvard or Yale or somewhere like that. Super impressive. We’re lucky to have him. I definitely sleep better at night knowing he’ll be the one to fix me up if I ever get a few fingers ripped off on the job.”

“Don’t even say that. Then who would I grossly overpay for oil changes?”

Archer smiled, then sobered as he peered out over the Pacific Ocean.

“What?” I asked, feeling a plummeting in my guts like primal fear.

“Well...okay, so there is one thing that’s always bothered me. You remember Grandpa Foxchild?”

“Yeah, of course.” He had been an impossibly ancient man with long grey braided hair, a low rumbly voice, gnarled arthritic hands, ceaseless wrinkles. I remembered Charlie calling me when he passed away last spring. Renee and I had picked out a flower arrangement to send to the funeral.

“So,” Archer said slowly, like he was still puzzling it out himself. “Grandpa used to say things like ‘That Dr. Lee has been around a long time.’ Which of course makes no sense, the Lees moved here like two years ago. And I’d tell Grandpa that, but he completely ignored me. He would just keep repeating it. ‘That Dr. Lee shouldn’t still be here.’ ‘That Dr. Lee should go on home to where he came from.’ ‘That Dr. Lee isn’t right.’ Creepy shit like that. My dad and I always assumed it was the dementia talking, but...I don’t know. It just bothered me. Because Grandpa...he wasn’t just being gossipy or suspicious. He was angry. And he was afraid. Grandpa was at Guadalcanal and Iwo Jima and he would talk about that no problem, mention landmines or flesh melting off a soldier’s face like it was nothing. He was a tough guy. Immeasurably tough, I’ll never be half the man he was. But if you mentioned the Lees, Grandpa got scared. Why the hell would he be so scared of them?”

I didn’t have an answer for him, not a single word. I just stared at Archer, my eyes growing huge, my heart sprinting, blood pounding in my ears. He knew. Grandpa Foxchild knew there was something off about them, and now I know it too. I don’t know how I know, but I do.

Archer tittered nervously. “Anyway, that was genuinely disturbing. But like I said. It was probably just the dementia.”

“What if it wasn’t?”

“It had to be,” he insisted. “There’s no other logical explanation.”

“I guess,” I agreed, scooping up the green shore crab corpse with my bare hands. I hurled it out into the waves, imagined it sinking through murky water and suspended grains of sand, the body settling into prehistoric silt, the scavengers descending upon it, the inescapable wheel of birth and death and resurrection through those who unwittingly carry our atoms with them into the next generation, into the perpetual future.

That night my dreams were full of pale skin and scorching eyes, Ben and Joe and Rami, Lucille and Scarlett, crashing waves, cold water and bleached bones; and Grandpa Foxchild’s mistrustful refrain: That Dr. Lee has been around a long time.

Benjamin

I soared down the staircase and through the dining room. Gwil was working late at the hospital, Mercy outside tending the animals, everyone else presumably scattered throughout the house. I had to get out before anyone noticed me. I had to get out without Rami or Lucy knowing.

I yanked open the door to the back porch. Rami was waiting there.

“Good evening,” he greeted me in that slow, thoughtful drawl.

“Stay the fuck out of my head.”

“You know how it works, Benny Boy. I can’t ignore the loud thoughts. And you’ve been having some very loud thoughts lately.”

I stared down at my shoes, all black Adidas. Black is good. It doesn’t show stains. For example, purely hypothetically, splatters of human blood and organs. “I can make it quick. I can make it painless.”

Rami’s aura flared maroon; not enraged, no, not quite that, but certainly revolted. I was always finding new and horrifying ways to revolt them, whether I was trying to or not. “She has a family, Ben. A father. You know Chief Swan, you’ve seen him around town. He’s a good person. She’s a good person. You really want to do this? You really want to relapse like this?”

I didn’t reply. I didn’t have to. Hearing thoughts is a tricky thing, and not a gift that I would ever want; unspoken words are rarely a steam and usually a storm, disjointed and twisting, interrupting each other, bottomless layers of whispers and screams. But I was sure Rami could catch the important parts: that I didn’t know the difference between good and bad people, that I didn’t know what to think of people at all, that for me her blood was not a desire but a compulsion. I couldn’t stop envisioning it spilling over my tongue and teeth, down my throat, hot and pulsing erratically and fading. “Why can’t you hear her? Why can’t I see what she’s feeling?”

Rami shrugged, characteristically placid and restrained. It was maddening. “There are seven and a half billion people on this planet. So maybe every once in a while you get one that lives in our blind spots, there’s something chromosomal or psychological that puts them on a different frequency. I don’t know. How the hell should I know? All I know is that you definitely shouldn’t be seriously considering...well. What you’re considering.”  

“Have you ever met someone whose thoughts you couldn’t hear before?”

“No,” Rami admitted; and was that a ghost of unease that crossed his face?

“Please, Rami. Let me go. Pretend you never saw me.” My words come out strained, hushed, like a spilled secret, like a confession. I’ve never wanted anyone’s blood like I want hers.

He heard that; I could see the dismay in his eyes. Now his aura is dark grey, almost black. Disappointment. Resignation. Mourning. “I told you what Lucy saw.”

“What she saw is impossible and you know it.”

Again, Rami shrugged. That blind, mindless faith. I wished I knew what it felt like. “She’s never wrong.”

“Have you told him?”

“Who, Joe?! Of course I haven’t told Joe. He...”

“He wouldn’t believe it either?” I snapped, like it was a victory.

“No,” Rami amended carefully. “No, he would believe anything Lucy saw.” Lucy had visions: flashes of the future, the past, the present. They were rare and unpredictable, often fragmented, snapshots rather than arcs. But they were always true. Or, rather, the other Lees claimed they were. The real Lees. “I don’t know what he would do about it,” Rami said finally. “So I’m waiting it out. And killing one of the primary participants is definitely not waiting it out.”

I seethed as I glared at him, hating him in that moment, hating myself only slightly more; and he heard that too. But then that wispy, fleeting haze around him was a pink like the last threads of sunlight sinking into the Western horizon. Forgiveness. Attachment. Love.

“Come with me, Ben,” Rami said gently, opening the door. “Come back inside. You can beat this. You’re better than this. You’re a good soul. You wouldn’t be with us if you weren’t.”

I tried to laugh. It came out like a snarl. “I haven’t had a soul in a long time.”

[indieks]

Not So Randomly | Part 4/5

🌟 Pairing : Im Changkyun (I.M) x Reader

🌟 Genre : Fluff, Angst

🌟 Word count : 21k.

🌟 Synopsis : Whenever you cross the path of Im Changkyun, that guy you hate and that hates you, it seems to be the worst day of your life. But, strangely enough, it also becomes the best and most accurate of moments you've ever had. So, the more you randomly end up stucked with each other, the more a question can arise : is it really chance that has something against you, or is it serendipity that drives you one towards the other?

Previous Part .:. Next Part

🌟 A/N : FINALLYYYY! Oh my god this is so long! This is the next to last part of these series I think… I’m sorry for posting it after three weeks, but back to school has taken a lot of my time and I couldn’t write...

I'm so thankful to all of you who read this, thank you thank you thank you for appreciating my work, I'm truly happy that you like it! 

Oh and yeah there’s finally a clearer appearance of the GroovyRoom producers duo here... I love khh too so I might put some of the artists as side characters in my works! And those two reaaaally suited the ones I had here hehehe

Anyway, enjoy this part, I looooved writing it! ♥

Disclaimer : any gifs or images used, even edited, are not mine and belong to their rightful owners!

 ***

  "I'll prove it to you."

"Did you really say that to her? Wooooow Im Changkyun you're surprising me here I swear!" his best friend Jooheon exclaimed as they were sitting along with Hoseok in a café outside campus.

Changkyun sighed before blowing on his hot drink, his own words and yours turning round and round in his head since he had said them a few hours ago. He had spent the rest of the afternoon daydreaming in class, the butterflies in his stomach never ceasing to flap their wings since he had left you and the spark in his chest consuming all the energy he would have gathered to listen. He had finally said it, and he felt relieved but uneasy at the same time, as your defensive reaction prevented him from entirely releasing what had been burning for you inside of him, by a kiss he was now longing to give you.

Had he really ruined everything? Had he hurt you that deep? He hadn't realized how the weight of his words and [in]actions had buried your feelings so deep he could barely reach them anymore. However, what he came to understand by hearing you out, was that everything going wrong between the two of you was due to the lack of communication and your misunderstandings of his intentions because he hadn't spoken his mind sooner.

"Hyung, did I mess up that bad?" he finally asked as he put his head in his hands to grasp his hair hardly.

Then, he covered it with the hood of the sweater he had passed on before going out with his hyungs, as walking around in the chic outfit had become unbearable, the memories it brought seeming to stick to his skin.

"I don't think you messed up" Hoseok started, but when he earned a suspicious look from Jooheon he changed his use of words. "Well, maybe you did a little, you've been pretty harsh with her just because you had no guts. Buuuut I've seen her look at you all the time when we're around her in campus, and even if she says she doesn't, I'd bet my life she still likes you."

"I think you're going to die then" Changkyun chuckled, laughing sadly at how small his chances seemed to be.

"Ayyyy don't think like that, you just need to fight a little that's all" Jooheon interfered, grabbing his best friend's shoulder and shaking him gently to cheer him up. "You don't know what to do because it's your first time, lil' boy!"

Changkyun pushed his hand away and shot him an annoyed glare.

"As if both of you are experts anyway..." he scoffed before drinking a sip of his coffee.

"Well why are you asking us for help then?" Hoseok pointed with a sly smile, his chin comfortably in the palm of his hand.

"Aish I'm getting a headache and I don't need this. Imma sort this out alone I think!"

"All I can advise you is : go after her, don't give up, and... if you never try you never know" Hoseok shrugged, before putting his straw in his mouth.

"This might sound a bit cheesy-" Jooheon started.

"You're cheesy" his two friends cut him before laughing, amazed at their synchronization.

"Ya! I'm not! I tend to be romantic okay, and that's different!" he protested, his eyes going big and his mouth wide open in outrage.

"Yeah sure... Anyway you were saying?" Changkyun smiled, holding his cup close to him.

"I was saying you should just follow your heart, whatever it says, because look at how things turned when you listened to your dumbass brain" Jooheon stated, poking the youngest's head before crossing his arms.

Changkyun looked at him for a few seconds, processing the words he had just heard and as he saw Hoseok nodding in agreement, he found truth in them. The rare times he had listened to his heart, his actions had been spontaneous but never failed to guide him to you as he had been going after you, and he had always felt he was doing the right thing. No rummaging, no regrets after that, only being scared of losing control and falling for you, but he wasn't anymore.

"I think I should go" he almost whispered, a convinced look in the eye while his brows furrowed.

The boy jumped out of his chair as soon as he ended his drink – in one gulp –, making his friends laugh and they didn't even try to come after him when he almost ran out of the café to the university.

"Yeah go ahead loverboy! That's how you man up!" Jooheon shouted before laughing out loud along with Hoseok. "I didn't think having him with us in Seoul would be that entertaining, if only the others were there too!"

Right now, Changkyun's heart was telling him to find you. He didn't know what he would do then, and he still had in mind your wish to never see his face show up in front of yours again, but somewhere deep within him he felt the same thrill that had steered him the times before. The sky was turning into an orangey tone, the dim rays of sun shining on the streets while a fresh spring wind was whirling around, and Changkyun was jogging to the university's entrance at a quick pace. He only thought a second time about what he was doing when he entered the library instinctively, remembering you went there last Monday, before you both got locked up.

How were you going to react? He had confessed just a few hours ago and you had blown up like a bomb right in front of him, so wouldn't you still be sensitive to the fire of emotions he was burning in? Is she okay at least? Changkyun had to check on you – he was dying to do so – and he started begging chance to help him like it always had since the beginning, now that he had realized it had been in favor of your relationship but that he had been too oblivious to use it properly.

He had bought your favorite hot drink right before coming, knowing you liked it as every morning he had spent with you 6 months ago, you had slowly savored one with your eyes still red from the lack of sleep. He still remembered the sweet scent it left in the air every time you spoke. He wanted to smell it again, he wanted to surprise you with his knowledge of your habits, and with his sudden boost of confidence, Changkyun started to roam between the rows of bookshelves and tables, his hands burning with the cup in them and trembling as he anticipated the moment he'd have you in his sight.

However, he hadn't expected what he faced when he landed a foot in the umpteenth row, ready to move on to the next one as he had been doing up til then. His eyes finally met your back still well-dressed in your white elegant shirt, but you weren't alone ; you were with another boy he had never seen or paid attention to, both of your shoulders leaned against the same bookshelf and the tones of your voices really low, close to a whisper. Changkyun stepped back and as he couldn't fight his curiosity, he walked in the neighboring row until he was at your level, careful not to be seen or suspicious as he took a random book in his hands and leafed it, the drink still preciously held in his right hand.

    ***

    You had decided to plunge yourself into work at the library at the end of the day, as after having spent the entire afternoon remembering Changkyun's fucking weird confession instead of listening to classes, you had been persuaded that returning to your dorm would only have resulted in you crying in your bed and wondering how life could be joking at you that much.

Changkyun liked you. From the beginning, he had said. But why did it feel like it hurt instead of relieving you as you had always longed for those words? Like a little angel and a little devil on your shoulders, your intern voices were fighting between something like : "Don't mind him, he should have awakened before instead of rejecting you!" and "You like him, he likes you, just go for it!".

Had he really hurt you? Of course he had, you even cried because of his sharp words. But should you really blame him for having been afraid of his feelings? Better late than never they say… But wasn't it too late? You didn't know yourself, as you weren't really sure if you trusted him in the first place. Maybe it was just an illusion he had, as you had been reunited spectacularly and he felt too excited about it, carried away by the heat of the moment. Maybe it would fade away in some time, while your feelings would still be pouring now that you had no plug to dry up their source. The thought of accepting him suddenly gave you chills and made your heart beat crazily – as always though –, and you shook your head from left to right, hoping it would brush off your feelings and you'd finally get involved in your accounting calculations.

However, it seemed that you were not going to finish your homework any time soon, as your phone's screen lightened up with a Facebook message coming from Hwimin the moment you read the first exercise's instructions. No, not one, but two, then three, and four. What did he want? Why now? Why were these two boys always coming in and out of your life at the same time, moreover when you were the weakest? With careful fingers, you opened the blue bubble and read the lines numerous times until it hit you.

The integration party was on this Friday. That is to say, in four days. Four little days before you got to see your ex again after almost a month without doing so, and you suddenly felt short of breath. A wave of melancholia abruptly crashed against your body, its water filling under your eyelids while your mouth ran dry. Lee Hwimin. You couldn't remember his face quite well now, but the resounds of his sweet voice and laugh were clear in your ears on which you put your hands to focus on your self-control.

Stupidly though, your curious mind directed your hands towards your phone once again and in no time you were surfing on his Instagram account, but what welcomed you surprised and disappointed you at the same time.

Every single one of his last pictures was showing him partying with his friends – some that used to be yours too –, and most of the time he had red eyes or was surrounded by random but pretty girls with bright smiles and sometimes wandering hands.

"What's wrong with him?" you moaned out loud, and you earned a disapproving look from your table mates as well as a "Shhhhht" coming from the intendant that appeared out of nowhere, her eyes scarily peering at you behind the glasses perched on her nose, making you apologize shyly.

Is he serious? You didn't recognize the boy you used to know from these pictures, and what you were sure of, was that you would never have been attracted to him if he had been such a party guy back then. So that was what he had left you for? So that was the freedom he had been seeking? And there you had been feeling guilty for forgetting about him so quickly because of Changkyun, while he looked like he had moved on the second he broke up with you and was proudly showcasing his single life. You bit your lip nervously and started to scroll down his feed as you couldn't believe he had changed that much, looking for something that was familiar to you and that would ensure you you hadn't fallen for that kind of guy in the first place.

You shouldn't have done that. As soon as you reached the pictures of the year before, you felt your heart crumple into your chest so bad that you instinctively put your fist on it and started to pat the zone to help it beat normally again. Hwimin hadn't deleted any picture of you and your relationship. They were still there, drowned under the wave of craziness he was surfing on down in the country, but they were still there and you oddly felt angry.

Those cute legends, those thrilling moments of skipping classes, those comments you left nagging him and his responses full of sarcasm, were the memories you still treasured deep within you. He was your first relationship ever, and while you were trying to crystalize the souvenirs it had implied, his new image was crushing everything and made you doubt about his sincerity with you in the first place. You felt disgusted by his actual demeanor, wondering why he would throw out his old self completely to become a party boy and that only, but mostly how he could send you those caring messages when he looked like there was nothing left of him you could trust.

You needed to understand or at least, you needed some kind of briefing to prepare yourself for Friday night, as you refused to be deceived by another boy. You had to level down your expectations before you let yourself hope something he wouldn't reflect, something that would have suited his kind words when in reality he was only going to be there to party. So you texted his best friend, Gyujeong, who was attending the same university as yours, and you were eager to ask him why Hwimin would send you such messages, and if you were the only one to be shocked by his new mask or not.

Gyujeong appeared to be in the library too, so you rushed out of your seat and when you caught a glimpse of him standing on the stairs and apparently looking for you, his bright orange hoodie calling for you as if he was a warning sign, you waved your arm in the air and the tall boy rushed to you. He still had his charming smile and handsome looks, with his traits close to European ones, and you got surprised when he hugged you quickly once he got you in his reach.

"Y/N… How come we haven't seen each other before?" he whispered, still smiling at you when you parted and he started to walk, inviting you to hide somewhere to talk without disturbing people.

You used to hang out a lot with him, Hwimin and Solhee, making you a square of best friends, and you regretted those moments as you finally got to talk to him after a long time. He was studying law so you had a few to zero classes together, and even if you both hadn't meant to, your break up with Hwimin naturally leaded to one with him.

"How are you doing?" he asked in a quiet tone, putting his shoulder comfortably against the bookshelf on his left and you mirrored him.

"Pretty fine, and you? Not too hard?" you smiled.

"Wellll you can forget about my lazy ass, it's in the past. I'm a hard-working Gyujeong now" he laughed softly, making you giggle as you brushed your hair with your left hand.

University had changed him too, but in a better way than his best friend apparently. Still, you had seen him on a few of the last pictures posted by Hwimin, as he sure had invited him to one of his numerous parties and the thought made your stomach knot indefinitely, as you desperately wanted to hear about  your ex from him.

What is that chocolatey scent suddenly in the air? It smells so good…

"So, what did you want to ask me?" he questioned as he played with the chords of his flashy hoodie like a kid in a handsome man's body, and you focused on him again instead of your growing hunger.

Without hesitating, you pulled out your phone and handed it to him with Hwimin's messages on the screen, and to your surprise, Gyujeong sighed before laughing mostly sarcastically. When he raised his eyes, he looked away from you and shook his head in disbelief.

"What makes you laugh?" you couldn't refrain yourself from asking, your brows knitting in confusion.

"When did he send that to you?" he asked back in a louder voice, his tone trembling because of the laugh still in the back of his throat.

"J-Just now, and I… I wanted to ask you if you have any idea why he would do that, I mean, I don't understand him and I would like to know what he wants before I get to see him" you stuttered, your eyes glued to the screen Gyujeong was now rereading, a smile still on his lips.

"You really want to know, Y/N?" he finally looked back at you, one of his brows arched.

What does that mean?

"Y-Yes, why wouldn't I?"

"That means that dumbass chicken misses you." he informed you before laughing again at his best friend he just had betrayed.

"What?!" you exclaimed but in a hushed voice, your eyes ready to go out of their holes and your heart hammering your ribcage.

"I'm sorry but I know him too damn well and I'm sure of what I'm saying" Gyujeong shrugged. "I said it because you asked, and to speak frankly, I think you deserve to know…"

You blinked a few times as your brain froze the moment it got hit by his words, first his revelation about Hwimin's intentions towards you, second his answer to the question you would never have dared to ask him but you had thought about a lot of times, wondering if he had been sharing his best friend's choice as you regretted losing his friendship because of it.

"How can you possibly say that I mean… He broke up with me to enjoy his uni life, and I saw his Instagram and he seemed reaaaaally fine without me so what makes you think that?" you spoke your concerns out loud, under Gyujeong's soft look and smile that were trying to show you, somehow, you were understood.

Too much information in one day. As if Changkyun and Hwimin were linked, you were once again assisting to their collaboration to mess with your entire mind and heart as they now had decided to showcase their feelings for you at the same time. Suddenly, an emotion close to anger bubbled inside of your chest now that Gyujeong had unveiled the disguise under which Hwimin had concealed himself. You were asking yourself how crazy you must be to get attracted to the type of guy that regrets pushing you away and comes back in hopes you'd be the gentle girl waiting for him. Most of all : how come you happened to do that twice in a row?

"Ah his Instagram… I went to one of his parties and they are really lit, the people too, but you shouldn't rely on those pictures you know, Y/N. Hwimin hasn't really changed, if that was your inner question…" Gyujeong guessed and you looked down, ashamed to admit that you cared. "He's still my best friend, he's just happy to live a stressless life with people that are laid-back, and yeah he got carried by the trend to show off how hot uni life is, but he's still the same…"

Gyujeong searched for some kind of response in your eyes, his own inviting you to speak freely while he hadn't stopped smiling since the beginning of your private meeting.

"Let's say you are right. Then why would he miss me…" you winced as you spoke the words up yourself, the thought of it bugging you. "If he's having a perfect life down there, it means he just got what he was aspiring for when he dumped me, and I know you know his reasons Gyujeong-ah."

The latter nodded and he bit his lip before tilting his head, looking for the right words to tell so that he could get to the point without losing your soul in the process.

"I asked you if you really wanted to know, Y/N, so now you know. I told you : I'm his best friend, so I know what I'm saying. At one hundred percent. I won't get any further than this, but would you let me ask a simple question?"

"Go ahead" you whispered reluctantly, your fingers playing with the hem of your shirt nervously as your brain had started to play all your memories with Hwimin in your head like a film you were forced to watch without the right to pause it.

"Do you miss him too?"

Time froze, your blood too as your body went numb, but suddenly something distracted you : the strong scent of sweetness coming from the other side of the wood structure you were leaning on, as if it got closer since the beginning of the conversation. Your eyes drifted to the books next to you, and between them you recognized the outlines of a coffee cup placed on the shelf, your brows furrowing as you saw it was alone. But when you were ready to stand up to look for its owner, Gyujeong scraped his throat and you looked back at him, realizing you had left his question unanswered. What was it again?

"Should I take your dodge as a yes?" he teased, his eyes following where yours were still landing on.

"Oh my god no! No, I don't think so." you finally replied.

How could you miss him when somebody else had been occupying your thoughts non-stop or your sight every time you had tried to forget about him? No, you hadn't missed Hwimin at all, as you were in love with somebody else that ate it all, even the weakest part of your heart that had started to beat for your ex. Indeed, if his messages had bothered you more than it should have, it was nothing compared to the fire of emotions Changkyun had set within your whole body since his confession and that was still burning vigorously, not even slightly threatened by the wave of mixed-feelings that had crashed against you at the sight of the unknown man Hwimin had become.

"Then if you don't care about him, why are we having this discussion right now?" Gyujeong pointed out.

"I still care about him, but not in that way" you corrected, your eyes staring into his as he nodded in comprehension. "I just got disturbed by his sudden messages and his Instagram posts that showed me a total stranger when it has only been a few weeks since the last time I saw him. I needed to understand, Gyujeong-ah. He remains my first relationship you know, I can't stay indifferent."

His best friend hummed and he straightened himself, his dark hair falling on his forehead after he had done a slow move of his head to make his neck crack.

"I got it. But now that I cleared your mind, what are you gonna do on Friday? I don't want to deal with his annoyed self if you're too harsh on him, please!" Gyujeong pleaded before yawning, and you laughed quietly.

"I can't do anything for him, he shouldn't have dumped me… But I'll act normal even if a part of me wants to punch him for being that dumb" you confessed.

"I couldn't have said it any better, he's been fucking dumb" he joked, an ounce of relief in his voice and he put his large hand on your shoulder to shake it a bit. "I'll go now, I have some work to catch on. You know, we can stay friends Y/N, I miss you and… Solhee. I don't have anything to do with all this shit!"

You smiled and let him go and once you were alone, you expired a long breath of air, feeling weird after this talk that had confused you as well as it had helped you face the sad truth the more you talked about Hwimin : you liked Changkyun, and nobody else. Indeed, even when you were granted the chance to turn away from him by going into your ex's arms that apparently were waiting for you, his confession added to his return into your daily life were making you unable to silence your feelings – that now had grown even deeper – like you had before.

Your doubt about the honesty of the three words he had said with confidence was holding you back in a stance of hesitation, where your head was telling you not to believe it and go on your way while your heart was dying to get what it wanted by giving him another chance. You liked Changkyun, and nobody else, and even Hwimin's possible return couldn't change that as the spark you had grown for him only got switched off by the fireworks Changkyun was making you feel.

    ***

    "That means that dumbass chicken misses you."

His eyes open wide and he almost gasps, but he tries to remain as silent as possible not to get noticed or miss a single word coming from your mouth. Who are they talking about?

"… He broke up with me…"

Broke up? She had a boyfriend? Changkyun's jaw drops and he feels his hands starting to tremble, the coffee in the right one on the verge of meeting the ground as he no longer pays attention to it. So this is it? She really moved on? I am too late? There is some sweat forming on his forehead and dampening the few strands of hair he hasn't secured under his hood, and weirdly, a need to puke burns painfully his throat.

"Do you miss him too?"

Please. Changkyun finally decides to set down the drink as he was now about to crush it because of the anticipation. Please don't. He sees your face turning into his direction so he drops his, his hair falling before his eyes and his hood helping him to stay undercover. However, even if he takes a risk to get caught now, he can't allow himself to run away as he knows his mind won't leave him alone if he doesn't hear your answer himself.

"Oh my god no! No, I don't think so."

A quiet sigh leaves his lips and he finally looks up to see you fronting the boy again – Gyujeong, nice to meet you and sorry to be spying on you buddy – and his heart finally releases itself from all the stress and sorrow that had been strangling it.

"I still care about him, but not in that way."

That's all he had needed to hear. Changkyun almost jumped in joy, but soon the realization that someone had took the place you had been ready to give him last summer hit him like a hammer and downed him to the ground immediately. You had liked someone else meanwhile, when he had neither tried to neither found someone who could fit him like you annoyingly did, so it surely meant… You no longer had feelings for him. But why had he felt something going on between the two of you at the library? Or earlier, when your hateful words towards him somehow sounded weird?

When he saw you move from your spot after your friend had left, Changkyun grasped the cup once again and if he had been about to doubt himself and everything he had been intending to do for you, his hyungs' words resounded in his head like a motivating melody and he remembered what he had promised himself. If there had been a time when you had feelings for him, if you were still looking at him as Hoseok had said, he was willing to approach you and rekindle what you once found in him.

Changkyun turned around and followed you silently to the table you were sitting at, and when he saw there wasn't anybody in front of you, he once again was able to thank fate from the bottom of his heart. He breathed one last time before walking to you, who were staring at your blank sheets, as empty as your mind was. But the moment you saw a familiar silhouette fill up the space you were facing, everything seemed more beautiful as he splashed your world with the colors of his own, in something bright but warm that increased the heat in no time.

"Here" Changkyun simply said as he slid a cup to you, and you immediately recognized the smell from a few minutes before, a familiar one as you were fond of this drink.

Did he hear everything? And how did he know?

You blinked a few times, your eyes going back and forth between the hot drink and its offeror, who felt relieved that you didn't push it away immediately, or dropped it on his head. Moreover, there no longer was the glare of anger you had earlier in your eyes.

"What do you want?" you answered, your eyes falling back to your exercises while your heart was already beating at a crazy pace.

"That's your favorite, isn't it?" he smiled proudly, and he leaned his elbows on the table before putting his chin in his hands to have a better look at you.

"And?"

You didn't level up your eyes and the boy sighed, but oh thank god she seems fine. And she’s so pretty right now.

"Aaaand that's for you" he answered in that low voice that made you weak every single time, so weak you finally looked at him to find him staring at you with hooded eyes.

"I don't want it" you sternly said, not understanding what he was doing.

You hadn't digested his sudden confession, not even sure if you could and should trust it, but there he already was, making your legs quiver and your palms sweaty. How had he found you? Had he spied on you? Changkyun kept staring at you with his lips slightly parted and you noticed he had sweated, seeing some wet strands of hair on the sides of his forehead.

"Sorry, w-was that too soon? Look I don't know what to do-" he started to panic, suddenly getting scared of the neutral mask you were wearing.

Maybe she isn't fine after all.

"Don't do anything and leave me alone" you grumbled, hiding as well as you could how flustered you were by such a mere action.

"Hmmm sorry, but that's not in my options anymore." he answered sincerely, and even with your head hung low, he caught the quick widening of your eyes.

You finally acknowledged him and you were – amazingly – surprised to see that, in spite of his clumsy and somehow childish move on you, he sure had man up as he had not once failed to stare at you with care in his eyes since he had pronounced his torturing words. You didn't want to admit it, but the more he was sitting here dealing with your rejection without breaking because of it, the more you were growing close to the conclusion that he was perfectly sincere with you. If he had been late to like you back, if he had tried to go his own way while you had been waiting at the finish line without any hope at some point, you were now seeing him letting go of his fugitive disguise to become a front row runner going straight to you. And you certainly hadn't prepared for it, as your heart was responding passionately to his simple presence.

"Stop it already" you whispered, but your voice wasn't faithful to the willpower you wanted it to have.

"Do you know what my friends call me? Stubborn." he chuckled, his chin still in his right hand as he suddenly got a grab of your pencil case and took one black marker from it.

Your brows furrowed as you were about to swear at him for stealing your things, but when you saw him take the cup and write something on it with a little smile on his lips, the picture stuck the words in your throat.

"You?" you finally scoffed. "You're quite the opposite, should I remind you you were supposed to hate me and that you didn't want to have to do anything with me? And now you… You…"

Changkyun closed his eyes in annoyance and he put the cup back on the table before returning the pen into its place, and you had to refrain your smile to appear as you saw he had black ink on the side of his hand. A child I swear.

"You can't even say it." he complained, his brows furrowing and he slammed his tongue in disapprobation. "I was stubborn about hating you... at first. You don't know how bad the guys tried to open my eyes. And now that I have, now that I made another decision, I'm gonna stick to it too so you'll have to deal with me."

The guys? His friends? If even them knew before you or he did, you couldn't be more certain about his feelings now. Friends are always the first to know when you have a crush on someone.

"Stubborn my ass. I'd rather call you Kkung kkungie" you smiled before biting your lip to stop.

"Aish not that please..." he moaned. "Well yeah, you can call me like that if it makes you smile… If I make you smile." he then shrugged, leaning back on his seat before swinging back and forth in it.

"No, that's ridiculous. Just go."

You were the one that was going be stubborn this time ; at least, you had to try. For your own sake, as you were afraid of his sudden change of mind and open of heart, afraid that it would close again, afraid the smile and attention he was giving you were going to fade as soon as you'd say yes. You really liked him, but did he really like you back? And even if he did, you wouldn't forgive yourself if you were that easy to get. Oh my god Y/N are you really considering being with him right now? STOP!

Changkyun suddenly stood up, his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie and he walked until he was just next to you. When you lifted up your head to look at him, he was mirroring your stare and you almost laughed at his appearance, his hood sticking to his face as his hands' position indirectly pulled at it.

"Alright alright. But know that I'm just starting." he said in a chanting tone, his lips slightly curving down as he was proud of what he had said, and then the boy left, triumphant, leaving you with a still hot cup of your favorite drink to linger his presence in your troubled mind even now that he was physically gone.

    ***

    "And what is this?" Solhee asked when she entered the dorm room, her school bag making a loud noise as she threw it on her desk with a sigh leaving her lips.

You were lying on your bed, staring at the cup on the nightstand next to your head, blinking rarely as you read the writing again and again. You had emptied it after all, drinking it slowly as you had savored the bittersweet taste you loved that bad, but each gulp had reminded you of him – he surely had wanted it from the start –, of his hands on it with his thumb ring that gave off a sexy vibe, of the smile he arbored when he handed it to you, of the last look he gave you.

I'll prove it to you!!!

As if saying it hadn't been enough, Changkyun had dared to write it black on beige, leaving a material proof of his determination and making you hear his voice pronounce the sentence every time you read it.

"Changkyun gave it to me..." you breathed before rolling on your back with your arm on your eyes, exhausted by the masquerade a lonely cup was representing.

"Excuse me girl???? Did I miss something?" your best friend hissed.

You told her what happened at the library, from Hwimin's messages to Gyujeong's kindness to Changkyun's... sudden appearance. She listened without a word, only nodding and humming from time to time, until you got frustrated by her silence.

"Solhee-ah, what am I supposed to do, hm? What am I supposed to do?" you moaned, sitting on your bed.

She sighed loudly before smiling at you, and she tucked her black and shiny hair behind her ears.

"Give him a chance." she said quietly. "But make him run a little before that, because he deserves it and it looks like he's willing to anyway!" she added in a determined voice, her fist knocking against the palm of her other hand.

"What?!" you exclaimed, more than surprised by Solhee's words. "What about our pinky promise? I thought you wanted him out of my life!"

"That, was before I learned the guy actually likes you. He hid it well at first..." she mumbled almost to herself. "I mean, I saw him look at you in class lately, and from alllll the things you've told me up till now, that's pretty sure he's sincere. So, I think you both will only be pieces of shit if you're not together. Fate can't seem to stop bounding the both of you, you're in the same uni, the same classes... You won't stand being apart and put your feelings at bay, at least not when you're stucked with each other all year long. You won't move on now that you know his feelings, Y/N. You like each other, so what else can you do?" she shrugged before laughing as you were looking at her with doe-like eyes, your mouth agape.

"How come it sounds so pleasing coming from you, but when I have to admit it myself I want to die?" you whined.

"I don't want to deal with your whining self all year, Y/N-ah. I love you, but not to the point where I have to drag you around campus because you'll be down or talking about him being a jerk. You have nothing to despair about now, because you ACTUALLY CAN HAVE THE BOY."

She sounded like a mom as well as she looked like one, her arms crossed on her chest while she was tapping her feet against the wooden ground, and you felt a smile curve your lips at the sight.

"I'm scared. And I feel like if I accept him, I'd be an easy girl, I'd be weak and-"

"Ohhhh my gosh but love makes us weak, darling!" she exclaimed and you both laughed at her sudden rush of annoyance, her hands up in the air like a drama queen giving you a lesson. "Love makes us weak, but it also makes us happy, and as I told you : you won’t be happy fighting your feelings eternally when their owner is right next door."

She was perfectly right, your heart knew it, but in your head you still felt like you had to take your time to think about it. I'm scared of him. I'm scared of love.

    ***

    Tuesday. That made it three days before you had to meet Hwimin again, and you still hadn't answered to his messages – you weren't intending to anyway. But this thought was troubling you way less than the one of coming across Changkyun in class and in the hallways. Yet, when you entered the first amphitheater of the day, your eyes found him in no time when his had randomly chosen to look at people entering instead of the game on his phone. And the moment they met, you were surprised to see him smile cockily at you, because you were totally destabilized. You were about to storm to your seat with your friends when-

"Y/N!" his low voice called from the top seats and you stopped in your tracks, cursing under your breath as you wished he would just give you some time. You needed time.

You ignored him and pursued on your way, but the boy called your name again above the morning fuss and you turned around brutally to stare at him with guns taking the place of your eyes.

"Come here two minutes please" he asked you once he had your attention, and seeing you hesitate, Solhee pushed you towards the stairs until your feet were stumbling against the first step.

"Go go go! You hear what he has to say, then you walk away without saying anything, that's how you make them run Y/N!" she whispered and you straightened yourself before walking as confidently as you could to the guy you liked so much in his striped turtleneck that suited him so well.

But in your head it was a mess, as a whole bunch of questions were knocking against the walls of your brain, from "What am I doing?" to "What has gotten into me?" to "I don't care? I don't care! I don't care, I don't..."

"Here" Changkyun suddenly said, snapping you out of your intern war as you were already standing next to him before you could realize.

He handed you the same cup as the day before, and your eyes widened before you frowned.

"So treating me with coffee is your way to get to me? Wow I'm touched" you sarcastically said, and you bit your tongue a little too late.

Why can't I just shut my mouth?

"Hey, I woke up early to get you this so just accept it okay? I don't even ask for a thank you" he insisted in a complaining tone, and unexpectedly he took your right hand to place the cup in it, forcing your fingers to wrap around it.

"Well try harder" you answered as you refrained a smile to creep up your lips to the point it tingled as much as the hand he had touched.

"T-try harder? Does that mean you'll accept me sooner or later? Ya! Y/N! Ya!"

You already were walking away as he was shouting with a big smile on his face, brightened by the few words you had just said, while you were hating yourself for being unable to shut your mind whenever he was with you. He could open you like a book and read freely between your lines. If even a coffee could make your stomach bubble with happiness, did you just kill your willpower to stay safe from him by telling him to try harder? His next move surely was going to sway you, and definitely.

You sat down and knocked your head as a punishment, and even between all the voices chatting around you, you could hear him joyfully laugh, but without noticing how he had straightened proudly in his chair and was looking before him as if he was the king of the world. You had told him to try harder, when he hadn't even really started yet ; you had told him to try harder, meaning you were thinking of letting him in somehow.

You took the cup in your hands while the teacher was sorting his things out on the desk, and you discovered Changkyun had written the date as well as an Enjoy! that made your heart quiver a little. You quickly looked over your shoulder to find him focusing on his computer, his sharp eyes apparently reading something, and when he combed his greyish-brown hair with his hand, you bit your lip and turned around, finding yourself ridiculous for being shook by such a mere move.

"Someone's determineeeed" Solhee half whispered half sang as she pointed the cup, and you nudged her while grumbling, wanting to forget the pleasant effect you still were floating in as you were trying to be as tough as possible.

But you soon understood you wouldn't last long, as chance was trying hard to discourage you.

  ***

  Wednesday. Changkyun had let you the space you had prayed for on Tuesday afternoon, satisfied with the phrase you had told him that made his day the shiniest it could have been. He had been so energetic and excited all day long that back at the dorms, his roommate had started to worry when he had noticed him shake abruptly his feet under the covers, as at each time he had remembered your voice in his head telling him to Try harder, he had felt love send him some electric shocks down to the bottom of his body. Changkyun felt totally different now that he had opened himself ; he realized he had leaded a poor life, trying too hard to push back his feelings, as now that he had, he felt lighter and happier, the spark in his chest not bugging him but making him feel alive.

On Wednesday afternoon, the humanitarian association from your university organized a big flea market, where students’ clothes they had given were sold for low prices, and the funds were going to be used for charity causes. You went to take a look with Solhee, willing to donate something, and you started to go crazy as more and more beautiful clothes were in front of you on the big tables installed on the grass, giving you a headache as you wanted to take everything and nothing at the same time.

Your eyes glued to the sleeve of an oversized yellow and brown checkered shirt, its thick but soft fabric showing its quality, so you dug like an adventurer looking for its treasure or an architect discovering a mysterious but precious antiquity under the ground. Once you got the hold of it, your heart fell in love with the piece at first sight, from its sunflower color to its good condition to the black hood it had, making it even more special to you. Who would throw this out seriously? You slipped on the shirt and once you got an approbation from Solhee that ensured you you looked "amazingly amazing", you bought it, happy to have found your happiness and to help whatever great cause the association was pursuing.

You hadn't seen Changkyun yet, neither in the morning as you had different classes, nor now at the flea market – wait, why do you mind Y/N? Still the shirt on above your black top, you walked to your next class with a smile on your lips, but when you entered the building's hall, you almost fell from your brutal stop as you saw the exact person you were thinking of seconds ago.

Chance had pushed again your steps into his path – or the reverse – but your heart still wasn't used to his sudden appearances in your sight as its pace increased – as always though. He had that lazy but attractive vibe again, with his coat misplaced on his shoulder and his cap not fully planted on his head ; and just with that, just with a casual outfit and a careless demeanor, he had your eyes focusing on him only and your mind finding him cute, and you laughed internally at yourself. He had a coffee cup in his hands, one you recognized immediately because of the two others he had already offered you, and by the moment you took a new step before you to flee the crime scene of him killing you by planting an umpteenth arrow in your heart, his eyes landed on your silhouette in front of the glass entrance.

However, what destabilized you even more than coming across him and that froze you into your place, was how big they became, how red his cheeks turned but above all, how a gigantic smile gained his thin lips, curving them slightly down as his signature, and you guessed he sighed before walking to you. I have to go.

"I'll go catch us some seats" Solhee whispered as she winked at you, before disappearing like a thief in the crowd, leaving you as a defenseless bay that its predator was going to eat in one bite.

Changkyun was floating as he grew closer and closer to you, and even if he was becoming inane day by day because of you, he didn't care as chance, or fate, was definitively in favor of you being together.

"Hey Y/N, wow… Wow I don't… I don't believe it, really!" he exclaimed, his sentence messy as he was overwhelmed by the situation.

"What are you talking about?" you asked, confused and flustered by his presence so close to you.

You loved when you could see his forehead, highlighting the beautiful eyes and face he had. How hard you must have fell for him, damn.

"That's my shirt, Y/N! That's… Yes, that's the fucking shirt I dropped for the flea this morning, that's mine! And who bought it… Out of thousands of students? That's you! I can't… No I can't believe it. This, is amazing, wow" he expired, the tone of his voice way much higher as he was excited, and you felt his emotions drown on you.

Your body started to respond to the mixed-feelings rising in your body as your brain processed his words, butterflies again fighting in your stomach, tachycardia, wobbling legs… And eyes that couldn't detach themselves from his smiling face that was warming you, making your palms sweaty. This can't be.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me" you barely breathed, searching the sign of a joke in his eyes.

Changkyun said nothing and simply took his wallet out of his bomber's pocket, not without struggles as he still had the – your? – drink in one of his hands, but when he opened the leather object, he took out a small and crumpled piece of paper from it with his long pianist fingers and presented it to you.

"See! I told you, that's mine, it's a picture from the kindergarten I worked at with Jooheon after I left the market last summer!" he protested, pointing at the very shirt he was wearing on the pictures you were staring at, your heart at the verge of exploding as well as your nerves that were hardly handling it.

"So that's where you had been hiding…" you stated with an ounce of despise, the memory of him abandoning you and the granny still quite painful to you, and even if the apron he was wearing was making him funny, your joyful and kidding side was totally shut off by your confusion.

Your eyes fell down to the fabric on you, and the sudden panic rising in you made you urge yourself to get rid of it but the boy stopped you, his hands catching the falling material on your shoulders to put it in its place again.

"Seriously?" he asked you in a quiet tone, his eyes piercing through you and giving you chills because of their defying – yet loving – stare. "And last time when I said sorry for everything, it included dropping the grandma and you too." he specified, the guilt encouraging him to do so.

"How can you change so much?" you whispered involuntarily, and you bit your lip in regret that he heard it.

"I didn't change, I just stopped lying to myself, Y/N. Looks like I was a great actor, as you thought the old Changkyun was the real me" he joked, his shoulders going slightly up and down as he laughed, his hands still in their position at the base of your neck.

"I don't want to keep it anymore, let me undress" you grumbled, looking away from his face that was stealing your confidence.

"Nope, you liked it so just keep it. I can't believe it seriously" he laughed again, his eyes closing this time as his head rolling back, making his cap almost fall. "Hey, once again, I'm the only one to laugh at how we're meant to be, when you had been the first to back in the bus."

With a move of your shoulders, you got rid of his grasp on you as the touch was making you numb on the inside, disturbing you in a pleasant way when you didn't want to.

"How we're meant to be?" you laughed too, but sarcastically as you knew those words were what you had thought once but had stopped to believe in as he had been cutting the red string seemingly linking the both of you.

And now, he was trying to knot it again. How amazing.

"Believe it or not, there's one thing you still can't deny : our mutual feelings" he replied, his sly smile taking its famous place.

"You talk about it as if it's not a big deal and it's simple, you're incredible" you scoffed, rolling your eyes at the same time.

How can he be so relaxed to talk about his feelings? How can he word them so easily?

"Hmmmm it could be simple, but you're making it harder. And… why should I refrain myself, when I'm with the first person that should know about it?" he asked without asking, and as you had expected – or secretly wished – he gave you the cup, that you took without saying a word, too shook by the situation to fight.

Changkyun felt relieved to see you accept it, so he put his hands in his jacket's pockets before tilting his head to the side.

"Don't you have a class to attend? I don't want you to be late because of me" he proudly said, taking advantage of your weakened state as it amused him to feel him fluster you.

"Everything going wrong in my life is because of you Im Changkyun" you bitched, but when he responded with a smile, you were once again caught short and your heart was once again about to step out of your body to jump at him.

"I know that, but you're still standing there and talking to me…" he answered in a chanting tone, his chin slightly lifted as he liked to do and you wanted to slap him as much as you were craving to take it between your fingers and pull at it until his lips were on yours.

Falling short of replies, you decided to walk away without saying anything instead of stuttering before him, refusing to grant him the pleasure to admire the effect he had on you. And while your feet dragged you further and further from him, you felt defeated as you realized you still had his shirt on, as well as his fucking cup in your hand, both of those items representing the mark he was leaving deeper and deeper under your skin, swaying you to the core.

    ***

    You had spent all day long watching your reflection wearing the shirt in the hallway's glasses or everything that could possibly mirror you, when you had not been staring at the sleeves that fell on your hands as you typed on your computer. You had removed it at first, the second you had entered the class you had been going to before meeting him – to which you had been late in the end – but the chill in the air and the annoyance of Solhee telling you to wear it had made you put it back, smiling doing so as you really liked the clothing in spite of its original owner.

You had had a long day, your brain melt down after getting hotter and hotter from understanding classes and learning new things, and you were now spread on your bed like a beached whale. Solhee and your other friends were finishing later that you – at 10pm if you remembered well – so you were bored. You had finished your homework, your stomach grumbling from hunger all the while and if you had planned to wait for your best friend to enjoy your dinner at the cafeteria later, you were now thinking of going outside campus to eat by yourself. The weather was fine, the night sky without any clouds to be seen, and you were tired of admiring the stars on your ceiling instead of walking in the city streets to see the real ones.

So you put your shoes on, the shirt still carelessly on you as you had gotten used to it during the afternoon, and after writing a small note to your roommate signaling her you were going to have dinner outside, you went to the exit. Forgetting your purse on your desk. And the moment you closed the door, the one of your front neighbor opened and when you turned around to greet her, your hand still on the door knob, you were met with the back of a him, his greyish-brown hair you knew too damn much, the same kaki bomber, the same cap, the same nonchalance from before and this time you gasped loudly, frightened at the sight.

Changkyun jumped and turned around too, his eyes going wide for the second time of the day because of you but this time he didn't smile, as he truly was as shocked as you. Why the hell is he coming out from a girls' dorm room???????

"Amazing" he breathed before finally letting a smile gain his lips. "This is fucking amazing."

He started to laugh wholeheartedly, making squeaking noises, and at some point he had to hold his stomach as it hurt from it. While you were still standing in the same position, quietly looking at him as you were petrified by the ghost he was.

"Still wearing the shirt huh?" he stated proudly once he calmed down, lurking you from your head to your toes while biting his bottom lip.

Fuck.

"What are you doing here? In a girl's dorm? Coming from this room?" you ignored, looking at him suspiciously and, oddly, your heart started to beat quickly in anticipation, as you felt scared of having been deceived by his confession when he could have been a fuckboy like at the pool party.

But as comfortable as he seemed right now, you reasoned yourself and concluded he wouldn't have been doing things with some girl behind this door, or else he would have felt ashamed to confront you. Right…?

"Wowowo calm down Inspector" he joked, his hands coming in front of him as a defense. "We have a study group in here, because we can't talk freely in the library. You wanna check?" he asked with his cocky smile, starting to push the door he hadn't fully closed yet.

"No thanks, are you serious?" you scoffed, your heart finally feeling at ease even if your brain was still processing the fact that Changkyun was a real human being randomly appearing in your life due to circumstances, and not a fucking ghost.

"I don't know, you looked so jealous right now and I want us to be clear" he shrugged, finally closing the gap before leaning his back against the door.

"And why are you the only one coming out if you're a group?"

Y/N SHUT UP!!!!!!

"Because I was hungry and that's kinda boring out there so I made up an excuse" he answered, scratching his eyes at the same time, and he felt glad that you were interested. "Theeeen I realized I forgot my keys in my dorm room, so I have to catch my roommate somewhere on campus before he goes home, it's his dongsaeng's  birthday tonight."

Keys. My keys. Where are my keys? Where is my purse?! You didn't say anything, turning on your heels to face your own door but even if you tried, you couldn't open it from outside anymore.

"What's wrong?" Changkyun asked, taking a few steps towards you to look over your shoulder as you were standing still, your forehead against the blue-painted structure that was laughing at you.

"Keys. I forgot my keys. Inside. I'm fucking screwed." you mumbled, sighing in defeat as you knocked your fist against the panel in frustration.

You heard him chuckle behind you so you faced him again, irritation clear in your eyes, but he didn't move nor felt frightened even if you were really close to one another.

"Where's Sohee?" he tried and you clearly saw he was fighting his urge to laugh.

"SoLhee, and she's in class 'til ten" you replied with a stern voice, your eyelids suddenly becoming heavy as you were growing jaded by the situation.

"A m a z i n g  I swear. We're even in the same situation right now" he smiled before taking off his cap to comb his hair that was messy.

Stop it. His revelation struck you and you looked at him, suddenly reminded of the curse you both were under and that made you stuck together numerous – too much – times. It seemed to you that it was intensifying lately as you had experienced more than simply coming across each other : in less than a week, you already had acquired three coffees and now one damn shirt that was like the dark aura floating around your cursed self.

"Wow, awesome!" you faked enthusiasm, your fists waving in the air cutely before you dropped your arms to your sides heavily, your smile fading as fast it had come.

How doomed you felt for being locked out, but even more with him being and still there beside you, as if he was waiting for you. You had almost two hours to kill, and your stomach screamed at you to go find something to eat instead of knotting it because of Changkyun's presence, so you started to trail your feet towards the elevator.

"W-Where are you going?" he stuttered, surprised by your sudden move.

"To mind my own business, and so should you" you answered without turning around to acknowledge  him, putting your hands in the empty pockets of your jeans.

"My business to mind is right here, so Imma come with it" he replied back as he sped up to pass by you, before walking backwards to look at your annoyed expression he had learned to love.

"Leave me alone Changkyun!"

You were edgy because of his amazed reactions every time you met now, when he hadn't been like that before, as you feared he felt in love just because of chance sticking the both of you together, and that those repeated circumstances were blinding him and forcing him to think you were meant to be. When you had finally stopped thinking like that and had put both of your feet back on the ground, you still had felt your feelings burning for him, and you didn't need to think of fate to feel amazed at his sight every time you randomly met. You were flustered because of him, not because of whatever thing was bonding the both of you. But what about him…?

Once you reached the elevator, you pressed the button and waited for the right moment to push him out of the cabin by surprise, and before he could protest, the doors closed in his face, hushing his voice laced with a laugh. You prayed he wouldn't be down the moment you'd arrived, so that you could lose him in the huge campus to enjoy your time alone. You found yourself laughing joyfully at your own childish behavior, but once you reached the ground zero, your amused self came across his short-of-breath one that was leaning against the wall next to the elevator's entrance, looking at you with disbelief in his eyes.

"You ran? Are you crazy?" you exclaimed as you came out of the cabin, mixed between surprise and annoyance that he still was around you.

"Thought you would get rid of me that easily huh?" he breathed between gasps, then he followed you to the exit as you quickened your pace to get away from him.

"Leave me alone, don't you have keys to look for?" you stopped in your tracks in an empty alley leading to the university's huge gates, lightened by street lights that circled around your silhouette and his, as if you were in the spotlight.

"I don't mind sleeping in the corridor anymore… If I met you again like that, it means I should stay with you" he said in his deep voice, his words barely understandable as he was getting flustered by your beautiful face in the deep night.

He had mentioned it again, and your fears were eating you more and more, even if you tried to listen to your best friend's wise words about how sincere he must be considering all the evidences pointing at it. But as he had talked about how he should stay with you because he had randomly met you, you felt like his choices were guided by nothing more than that, and that there weren't any feelings after all. Maybe you were starting to over think it, way too over, but you were so scared of him.

"You know what? I think I preferred when you resented me, you're being near clingy right now!" you finally exclaimed, louder than what you had wished but it probably was your heart speaking for itself.

Changkyun blinked a few times, surprised at your sudden outburst, but he surprised himself even more when he shouted, as a rush of frustration rose in him :

"Then what do you want me to do?!!!"

You stared at each other silently for a few seconds, and both of you felt your hearts going crazy as something close to regret touched them. But if the both of you had your own concerns, Changkyun starting to wonder if he had been too excited about him liking you and how wonderful he felt about that, he wasn't willing to shut it down another time as he had learned what was the source of you growing apart : the misunderstandings and unsaid.

"To stop trying so hard to get to me, okay? I need time and you're oppressing me!" you responded before he could ask you calmly what was wrong, but your gauge of patience was almost emptied up.

"Oh yeah? That's not what you told me yesterday morning!" he scoffed, feeling slightly hurt at your change of mind.

"I don't know why I said that, but just stop. You can't do as you please when I don't want it, not after all this time." you coldly answered, and you looked at him as he took off his cap once again to ruffle his hair, apparently in irritation as a long sigh escaped his thin lips.

He had to understand you and to remain calm, but it was a hard intern war as his annoyed and frustrated self wanted to curse at you and the coward you were being since he had confessed.

"So that's how you felt when I was denying? I get it…" he mumbled as he nodded, staring at some emptiness into the ground. "But you tell me, Y/N. How can you resent me because I was scared of my feelings and rejected you, when you're doing the exact same thing to me right now?" he then asked, pointing at himself with his ringed index.

He got it, how hurt you must have been as he was feeling hurt at the moment. But he had to do what you hadn't dared to : shake you a little and keep going to you, when you had preserved yourself by turning away from him at some point. Changkyun wouldn't turn away unless he was sure you didn't like him back ; and, right now, he felt that you did, but that you were going to stand on the edge scared to fall in the unknown until he'd prove to you he had already jumped to catch you at the end. And the fact that you were lost for words proved him right, and gave him hope. You were indeed the one being scared and pushing him away, but that was the same behavior he had had all this time – at least if you still believed in his confession.

"Tell me what's really wrong with me being around you, Y/N. And then I'll stop, I just… I might act carelessly, I know… But that's the first time this ever happened to me y'know." he calmly tried without moving an inch, letting you the space along with the time you seemed to need.

Your brows furrowed and you sighed while closing your eyes, some unwelcomed tears forming under your eyelids without you being able to explain why. Maybe it was because you sensed he was willing to listen to you and not pressure you. And with the magical power he only had on you, you were about to unfold your concerns right in front of him even if admitting you were scared was the worst for you.

"You're here talking about chance all the time, and that's so annoying. You can't force it you know, and if that's the only thing that makes you think you like me or the fact that we're always stucked with each other somehow, then you should stop right away because that's lying to yourself." you said, almost without breathing, and you finally opened your eyes.

And here you were again, making assumptions about his state of mind because he had acted carelessly. Changkyun sighed and he took his first step towards you, but not more, his cap now crushed in his hand as he had tightened his grasp around it, his will to make you stop thinking silly things burning his insides.

"I'm using it as an excuse, Y/N." he started, and he saw your traits relax just with this statement. "It's just giving me courage to go to you, without going back because I'm fucking scared of… What you make me… Feel. I don't care, about fate or not, chance or not, misfortune or not. I don't care, I'm just… I'm grateful that now that I have confessed, I have something backing me up and preventing me from being the coward I was before."

He felt his cheeks burning from embarrassment as he had spoken his heart once again because of you, when it was so hard for him to do even with his friends or family.

"You want something from me that hasn't anything to do with fate? Okay." he finished without letting you process the words he had just said, as he was already closing the distance between the both of you until he was a few inches away.

The street lamp was shining upon him, and you felt your lips tingle at the sight of his so close you could only look at them. But soon enough, you couldn't see them anymore as they were on yours, while his hands dropped his hat to place themselves on your cheeks and deepen the kiss he was giving you without you having seen it coming. And if you still hadn't chosen at this point whether you considered him like an angel appearing in your life or the devil itself purchasing you like your shadow, it definitely felt like heaven when you kissed. From the stars you were seeing to the ones invading your body to the point it felt ticklish and thrilled at every edge, it was perfect, and you didn't want it to end as you had waited for this moment to reenact since the pool party 6 months ago. You could feel he had craved for it too from the way he was expiring loudly from his nose, the hot air brushing your face, and when he parted from you, you had the chance to notice he still had his eyes closed for a few seconds as you had kept yours open, due to the surprise.

"That, was me wanting it." he finally said in the deepest voice he ever had, as well as his tone that was so quiet you were the only one who could hear what he was saying.

He took back his hands while still looking at you through hooded eyes, and you felt hotter and hotter the more you lost yourself in them, wanting to take him in your arms and kiss him again without stopping. You liked him so much, too damn much, but then Solhee's words to make him run knocked into your head as well as your pride, and you slightly straightened yourself to hide how flustered you were by a kiss that hadn't been more than three seconds – when it had felt like ten for the both of you.

"I act according to what I want, and the thing up there surely hadn't expected it right?" he smiled and you noticed some sweat forming on his forehead. "So what do you say now? If I oppress you, then I'll stop… If you're sure you don't want nor like me, I'll understand… But you have to tell me, so we can get what's on each other's minds... Instead of ruining everything because we didn't know."

Once again, you were facing a new side of Im Changkyun ; a manly and caring one, and once again, you fell harder for him, every single part of him, everything he did. Yet, you didn't want to rush anything and let yourself get caught so easily after having doubted the second before. You now trusted his words when he had said he'd prove it to you, so you were willing to see a bit more of what he had to show, as what he had just done had already provoked an earthquake inside your whole body.

"Let's grab something to eat." you simply answered, a smile taking its place on your lips before you turned around and started walking again.

Changkyun stopped breathing for a few seconds and once he had your back facing him, he screamed out loud to expel the emotions that had piled up in him. He didn't know himself how he had been able to stand up before you when daring to kiss you had absorbed every ounce of strength in him, leaving him as a piece of marshmallow that was melting and melting due to the fire of emotions burning inside of him. Damn, I'm really good at bluffing.

"So is this our first date?" he finally joked, taking his hat on the ground before jogging behind you, and you chuckled as you shook your head.

"Nope! That's just me taking back my wish for you to stop trying harder…"

Changkyun caught up to your pace and you walked side by side to the exit, a smile pulling at the corner of your lips that were still prickling from the kiss you had shared.

    ***

    "Aaaand... what about the fact that we kissed?" Changkyun finally asked, once you were seated at a fast food making your nose happy to smell the scents of the gross but delicious food on your plate.

You knocked his tibia with your feet under the table as he was sitting in front of you, because you felt flustered by his question and the assurance he had when he talked about it. You wanted to keep your emotions at bay for as long as you could ; because if you listened to your heart right now, you'd already be his.

"You stole it from me, so that doesn't mean anything boy. Who says you're not going to kiss another girl after like the last time you kissed me..." you mumbled before you pecked in your french fries to shove two into your mouth.

"I-I... what?" he scoffed, his eyes rolling at the same time. "You're incredible."

He looked at your starving self eating compulsively and he smiled, not even annoyed by the remark you just threw at him. He actually found it cute that you were still bothered by this, showing him once again you still liked him.

"Alright alright, I'll give you that." he shrugged as he got a hold of his huge hamburger that he placed in front of his mouth.

He opened it wide two or three times without putting the piece of food into it, estimating how much of it would enter and he tilted his head to the side in doubt it ever would. You couldn't hold back your laugh this time, his expressions and unwanted funny actions making him adorable, and Changkyun looked at you with curious eyes, not getting what you were laughing at.

"What? What? What?" he threatened, his chin leveling up each time to defy you.

"You don't realize what you do, huh?" you asked between two chuckles and you ate more fries, shaking your head in disbelief.

He narrowed his eyes but his grumbling stomach prevented him from answering back, as he finally tried to eat his hamburger that had been decomposing itself in his long hands. And as expected, he spilled some sauce on his face and his clothes doing so, making you burst into laughter as you had waited for this moment to come. Changkyun closed his eyes in annoyance and dropped his food before starting to wipe himself without saying a word, but as he looked at his white shirt painted in yellow and red, he sighed in defeat and finally looked at you with your smiling lips around the straw of your drink.

"I think I should stop wearing white around you. Every time I do my shirt does not last long!" he complained, some sauce still on his right cheek and you were pondering between telling him or not.

His remark made you think back of the moment when everything had started between the both of you : had it not been for your clumsiness, you probably would never have met him, you probably would never have been constantly guided to him, you probably would never have been sitting with him right now with your heart beating loudly and your hands aching to touch him.

"I think you should stop being around me" you dared to joke and his face fell until he saw a smile gaining your lips with your teeth showing.

"Wow... If you had been serious, I... I would've kissed you again, looks like that's the only thing that makes you realize you actually like me" he threatened, leaning his left elbow on the table to point at you with his index.

"Yeah sure" you brushed off even if his declaration made your legs go numb – AS ALWAYS THOUGH.

"Don't tempt me."

"Don't get too full of yourself."

"And don't act like you don't care, who said I was a good kisser? Oh right... Y o u."

He was about to take another bite of his hamburger, staring at you with pride in his eyes but when you hit him under the table again, the pain made him miss his perfect calculated mouthful and his nose went right into the piece of junk food.

"Fuck you..." he hissed with his hands full of dirt, and he moaned when he saw he hadn't anything to clean himself up anymore.

He felt ridiculous because you were laughing crazily at his sight, but pity – or guilt – finally took the best of you so you grabbed some of your tissues and you presented it to him in both of your hands. However, you should've known how crazy and unpredictable Changkyun was, as instead of taking the papers, he threw his head right into your hands and wiped it by rubbing it against your palms, his hair brushing your forearms.

"Gross" you quietly said when in reality you were looking at him with surprise in your eyes, the feel of his nose and face in your palm tickling each cell of your skin even with the thin material separating them.

"Nope" he answered as he left the side of his face into your palms, with his eyes almost closed. "Original, I'm not for the cliché of you wiping my face lovingly."

He didn't know why he was acting this way, yet it felt as if his cheek was now glued to your hands so that he couldn't move it from them anymore. His eyelids felt heavy but he could see through his long lashes your thumb that seemed to be trembling, so he smiled, some hot air escaping from his nose.

"I wouldn't have done it anyway." you laughed as you truly wouldn't have, you just had thought about leaving him with the lonely stain he had a few minutes ago. "Now move, I'm not a pillow!" you ordered, waving your fingers that were near his sharp jawline you felt contracting in annoyance.

"Is my head heavy? That means there's a huge brain in it, I knew it! Even the teacher said it to you, remember?" he proudly reminded as he straightened himself in his seat.

You crushed hardly the previoulsy white paper, hoping he would understand your response from this cruel move, and you retired your hands. Changkyun was still smiling until he looked at his poor hamburger with defiance, a pout forming on his reddened lips, as he was scared to eat it again now that he felt like a baby who couldn't eat without an apron. So instead, he decided to wait for you to finish your menu without saying a word, only appreciating sharing such a simple moment in your company for the first time in your relationship. No questions in his head, no will to bash you, no need to run away ; he could stay seated here for hours just to stare at you, in his fucking checked shirt, the silence calming and leaving him dreamy about how bad he wanted you to be officially his.

You finally took your last bite, and while you tried to convince him to finish his own plate – a little fight that you lost the moment he bent over the table and threatened to kiss you if you didn't let it go –, the clock reached 10:30pm when the curfew was at 11. The both of you rushed out of the restaurant, and you got hit by how time had fled really fast with him, eating in silence not even making you uneasy nor being with him for that long.

"See you tomorrow" Changkyun lazily said in his deep voice once you arrived at the dorms, you going to the building on the right and him going to the left one.

You saw in the way he was keeping some distance between the both of you, balancing back and forth on his heels and keeping his hands in his pockets, that he was forcing himself not to do something. Deep down in you, you wished he would ; you wished he would close that distance and kiss you as the reasonable girl you were trying to be couldn't allow herself to, even if she was dying inside from the lack of skinship.

"I guess" you smiled, suddenly growing shy under his stare.

"Oh my goodness this is so hard" he stifled a moan before biting his lip, and you felt chills going down your spine and freezing you into your spot in anticipation.

Kiss me.

"What is?" you asked when you knew too damn well about what he was talking, as you caught him staring at your lips more than a few seconds.

He screwed his cap on his head and sighed, looking away from you as he was fighting the urge to run to you.

"To have left my burger on its plate, I can't stop thinking about it, what have I done?" he joked randomly, a smile on his lips and you laughed, always amazed by his twisted personality.

"I told you... Anyway, sweet dreams about your guilt!" you quickly wished before turning around and starting to walk to your door, as if you hadn't you surely would have waited for him to come to you all night long.

And Changkyun let you go, as he was well aware of your wish for him to go smootlhy, even if it cost him a frustration that made his heart beat indefinitely crazy even once he put himself into bed – thankfully his roommate had seen his pair of keys in their room and he hid it in some shoes in front of the door. He hoped it would help him feel tired, when he was not ; everything was starting to settle between the both of you, and the excitement he felt about it was energizing him to his fullest.

      ***

      Friday. That made it a few hours before you were seeing Hwimin again. The day before had been a calm one ; without a doubt because Changkyun was as shaken as you by the first intimate moment you both had shared, making you feel weird and shy once you came across each other the next morning. Still, he had offered you the cup of your favorite drink – you had waited for it –, the little note written on it making you smile ridiculously : "Ya, here's my number so text me asap : XX…"

You didn't text him, to annoy him as you found it fun when he was frustrated, and because when you had taken your phone into your hands, you hadn't known what to say. This whole situation was weird in a good way but also too fresh and new for you to deal with it naturally, so you chose to wait for your next encounter face to face instead of having to think of it all day by texting him.

The cup of Friday morning left you curious and eager to meet him again as he secretly gave it to Solhee once she was alone, and she passed it to you : "TEXT ME!!!!!!!!! & listen to Hoseok hyung's song at the concert tonight." The music association was indeed going to have a little concert to start off the party, and you had planned to go to it anyway as you really enjoyed music, even more when it was played live. But now, you felt overexcited about it. What about that song? How did Hoseok had anything to do with the both of you?

You didn't even meet Changkyun once in the day, making you wonder if he had been hiding from you or if it had always been like that and you should stop getting obsessed. Maybe both. And as you spent all day long looking for him without wanting to, your eyes always drifting to your surroundings or outside by the windows when you were in class, the evening came sooner than you thought, and the party was only two hours from now. The anticipation finally hit you as Solhee entered the dorm room even more stressed than you, you could tell it from the messy bun she had to redo four times for it not to fall.

"What am I going to wear? What am I going to wear? Ya, what are you wearing Y/N?" she asked as she opened her small closet while you were staring at the empty cups fighting on your nightstand.

Your best friend turned around at your absence of answer and she put her hands on her hips, disturbed by your apparently laid back state when tonight was crucial for you.

"Y/N?" she called, and you nodded at her. "Should I remind you who's coming tonight for you to wake up or…?"

Hwimin. The name got stuck in your throat as your eyes went big ; you almost had forgot about him as you were only thinking of Hoseok's performance you were eager to see now that Changkyun had talked to you about it.

"Yeaaaah that's what I thought. You have to be the most beautiful grown ass and independent woman you've ever been tonight my girl, so that he regrets twice to have left you that dumbass chicken!" she commanded before going to you to take your hands and pull at it, making you stand up in no time and rush to your own closet.

"And how do I do that?" you pouted, still out of your mind that was filled with blurred images of your ex and clear as water ones of Changkyun.

"You. Get. Dressed up. Like. A. Queen. But not too much, it's only an integration party after all… Do you have a compromise between casual and fucking gorgeous?" she asked as she dived into your own closet full of clothes that were starting to fight for space, and you stood behind her.

"Does that even exist?" you wondered out loud, your brows furrowing but a smile on your face as your best friend was funny without even trying.

"You have to make it exist, Y/N! Oh my god you'll have to thank me later for raising you…" she mumbled. "And I need you to be determined girl! There's Changkyun to make head over heels for you too!" she added as her voice got muted by the location of her head between the hangers.

You chuckled, as her determination itself was worth those of five people. You were excited about tonight, yes, but some bad feeling about Hwimin's return in your sight had now started to grow itself into your chest to the point you felt uneasy to go at all. What would you say? What would he say? What did he want?

"And why are you so excited about tonight, hm?" you finally spoke up, patting her back as she was struggling to pull a top out of your messy shelves.

She moaned one last time as she finally got a hold of a few articles hanging around her arm, and she threw them on your bed before clapping her hands in satisfaction.

"You know that guy in law major that I talked to you about but that you've never seen because you and him have no classes in common when I luckily do?" she spoke quickly without breathing, as she combed the baby hair dressed around her face after the effort it had took to find you something to wear.

"Yeeeees…?" you smiled, feeling suddenly excited that your best friend had a goal tonight too.

"Well of course he's coming tonight, and I've decided to take some action you know! I talked to him from time to time, but I have to try to reach him out of class!" she explained before going back to her own closet.

"What about you show me a picture? How come you never had before…"

You saw your best friend's back tense up before your eyes, while her fingers tapped against the open door of her wardrobe and her neck turned red in an instant. You bit back a laugh, because what she wasn't aware of yet, was that you already knew who that handsome man was, and that you definitely couldn't hide something from each other : you had known it from the first time she had talked to you about him a few weeks ago. You just wanted to tease her a little more as seeing her avoiding the subject or growing uneasy about it was making you cackle inside. She was so cute when she was making lame excuses, and even more when she felt guilty.

"I-I… What about later? Let's get ready fir-"

"Solhee-ah. It's Park Gyujeong, isn't it?" you cut her with a sweet voice, wanting to show her you weren't mad at all.

Knowing her by heart, you had guessed why she would hide it from you for the time being, probably scared to hurt you as she had crushed on your ex's best friend. When in fact, you couldn't be happier for her to have find interest in someone – she was so complicated when it came to love, more than you –, moreover in him when last year he obviously had ran after her but she had played hard to get.

"F-For… For how long have you known?" she stuttered, still her back facing you as shame had frozen her into her place.

"Day 1 babe, you can't hide anything from me, sorry!" you joked and she finally looked at you, guilt clear in her teary eyes.

"I'm so sorry…" she broke down into a sob but you quickly grabbed her free hand to calm her down.

"Hey hey hey don't be! I'm not mad at you, not at all! Gyujeong is a sweet guy, and he isn't Hwimin! He wasn't even okay with his decision you know!" you reassured her as you rubbed your thumb against the palm of her hand that was burning.

"Why aren't you mad? I've hidden it from you…" she pouted, her head hung low.

"Why would I be? I'm glad you finally listened to me when I told you he could be a good guy for you" you chuckled and she did too, feeling relieved.

"How did you know…?" she shyly asked, still not looking at you as she sniffled hard to fight a few tears from coming.

"I've seen you like every single one of his Instagram posts lately. Since when have you done that with a guy? You don't even like the ones from your older brother, but when Gyujeong posts a selfie or even a ridiculous picture of a squirrel eating a nut on campus, here solheejolie likes immediately!" you teased and she shook your hand in protest, whines leaving her mouth.

You both cracked into a huge laughter until she suddenly took you in her arms, her chin resting on your shoulder and you could feel her heartbeat calm down second by second.

"I'm so sorry, I should've told you… We're not something yet, but he tries so hard I swear I had no choice but to fall for him… With all the pretty girls around he still hasn't given up on me yet, can you believe that? How come we have charging bulls coming after us you and me?"

You patted her back once again before tightening your arms around her small frame.

"I don't know, but that's better than cowards, hm? Now let's get ready to make them go crazy with our casual but fucking gorgeous style" you answered with a smile and your best friend finally let go of you, a rush of excitement surfing in her whole body.

"Oh yes, let's get ready!”

    ***

    An hour and half, a few debates about what to wear, a makeup and nail-art workshops later, Solhee and you were finally satisfied with your appearances and nothing was taking the smiles away from your lips, not even the thought of reuniting with Hwimin that was still lingering in your mind. The party was held in a rented party room you could went to by taking shuttles departing from the university, and you felt confident as you approached the loud parking where dozens of students were waiting, some taking their own cars and others waiting like you. And as you had expected, a lot of girls had dressed as if they were going to a gala, while most of guys had stayed the same.

You had opted for a velvet camisole in night blue and black, with a pair of black high waisted ankle jeans that could show off your fancy sparkling socks in your platform derbies ; a casual bottom offsetting the sexy of the lacework plunge neck you had, taking your style right where Solhee had wanted it to be. You had put a dark lipstick on as your fatal weapon, and there you were walking hands in hands with your best friend in her simple but chic black playsuit with detailed tights and low boots. You lined before one of the buses that had its motor roaming, and as you turned your head to your right to answer Solhee's question about the location, you finally saw him.

The spark in your chest exploded in those fireworks you were now getting used to, as it seemed like you barely felt alive when you couldn't feel them at least once a day, and you stared at the beautiful man who hadn't seen you yet, while he had already all your attention.

He was freaking handsome, even if he looked quite tensed as his eyes were narrowed and his jaw clenched, and you wondered what was on his mind. Your body had a hard time resisting going through the crowd to stand next to him, but thankfully every bus's doors opened, creating a movement that dragged you towards one of the vehicles and made you lose the sight of him. Your heart beat faster and faster now that you had seen his face again, and you felt bitter to have been deprived from it in the speed of light.

However, your sorrow didn't last long, as once you were seated and your bus was apparently full, a member from the students' association organizing the party appeared up the stairs and asked :

"Is there a remaining place in there? We've got a student who couldn't find one in the other bus!"

The moment Changkyun's head appeared behind him, an annoyed look plastered on his face, your mouth ran dry and your members froze when you had wanted to invite him next to you, willing to take Solhee into your lap. But the latter took action quicker than you as she got up from her seat to go onto a friend's lap in the other row, before screaming : "There! There!" to the boys' attention. Changkyun moved past the guy that had helped him, walking to your seat without thinking twice and not even acknowledging his neighbor that appeared to be you. You sent Solhee a daring look but she only winked at you, mouthing a sly you have so many things to be grateful for, and suddenly he appeared between the both of you, eating all your sight as you still had your chest turned in his direction.

You finally leaned back in your comfy seat, looking outside as you felt shy for an unknown reason – maybe his gorgeous face and outfit that were taking the best of you –, and you even tried to hide your face by sticking it to the window.

"Y/N?" his low voice asked and you slowly turned your head to him before smiling, killing him in an instant.

Changkyun's jaw dropped before he could even prevent it, as your dressed-up self appearing before him was exactly what he had anticipated tonight, as much as he had imagined it a thousand times. Those tinted lips that called for his, this sexy but glam bodysuit that made him gulp, your flowery and fresh perfume that drown him once more into the wave of emotions you made him feel ; everything swayed him in an instant and he instinctively bit his lip to refrain some inappropriate words from coming out of his mouth. Jesus fucking Christ she's marvelous I want to-

"Hi" you finally spoke up, and the both of you looked – or lurked – at each other for a few more seconds, your palms growing sweaty from the proximity as well as your legs starting to tremble because of the inch of his knee touching yours.

The bus started and drove away but this sudden move didn't pop the bubble you both were in, until Changkyun looked away and sighed, expelling his inner desires that were about to make him kiss you right here right now. And I haven't drunk yet…

"What's in there?" you asked, pointing at a leather bag he had in hands and he urged himself to hide it between his legs.

Shit.

"Huuuuh another coat, in case I'm cold" he lied, his heart beating like crazy at the fright of getting caught.

He had something special prepared for you tonight, and seeing you right before the surprise was making him go out his mind and stress about it even more. He couldn't get himself ready mentally anymore, ass he had counted on the bus trip to help him do so.

You only nodded at his response, still looking suspiciously at the bag, but thankfully for him you were too monopolized by the luck you had to be sitting next to him to overthink about its real content.

"Ah right, I should've brought one too…" you regretted as you pressured your hands against your thighs to calm the fuck down.

"You haven't?! So you're going to stay all night with this one small piece of fabric on you?!" he questioned, turning to you with his hands clenched on the armrests and you read some kind of distress in his eyes.

You jumped at his sudden examination that sounded like a scold and his body that got closer to yours made you stick to the window and retreat as much as possible.

"Yeah… yeah. Why? Do you find it ugly?" you worried, looking at yourself with knitted brows.

But seeing him shake his head vigorously from the left to the right reassured you immediately, and you understood it was quite the opposite.

"No no… it's just…" he trailed his words, his eyes falling from yours eyes to your lips to your collarbones where he stopped before falling back in his seat, lifting his hand to rub his nose bridge with his fingers in order to calm the fuck down too.

You hummed to invite him to pursue, and a smile gained your lips as you saw his ears turn to a bright red color, showing obviously the effect you had on him right now.

"Nothing, nothing…" he tried to dodge in a sigh, his eyes drifting to the hallway on its right because if he looked once more at you, he'll lose it.

"Are you drunk? Is it your personal alcohol stock for tonight in that bag?" you teased, amazed to see him grow uneasy just by being near you.

For once, you were the one having an excellent poker face and mastering your emotions.

"What?! No, no I'm… I'm just tired, you know? It'll go once we're there but I'm just tired, yeah, I'm tired, that's different." he corrected, but as he nodded again and again with his eyes closed, it looked like he was just trying to convince himself.

"I got it, you're tired, no need to ramble grandpa" you laughed and you sat comfortably again in your seat, spreading a little bit more your legs so that you really touched his and you felt them tense under the touch, making you fight an urge to laugh more.

Changkyun wasn't looking at you and he was cursing under his breath ; he had to focus, he had to do things right tonight, he had to-

"What about Hoseok's song?" you suddenly asked and Changkyun's eyes grew wide.

"Can we not talk about that please? You'll see!" he moaned as he rubbed his face with his right hand and his brows furrowed, so did yours as you were confused by his attitude.

"Someone's a bit sensitive tonight…" you concluded, a frown on your face and your neighbor quickly caught it from the corner of his eye, feeling a bit sorry to seem rude but he was struggling right now. "Ah no right, you're tired."

And with that, you looked by the window and just let him be, a bit disappointed by this electric encounter as you had been eager to see him again. But it didn't break your good mood, as you had been able to read his mind about what he thought about your looks tonight. Casual and fucking gorgeous, bingo.

  You arrived at the location, a warehouse situated in a deserted industrial zone, and as soon as your feet touched the ground, Changkyun looked over his shoulder and said to your attention :

"I'll see you later."

And with that, he was absorbed by the mass of students going straight to the entrance and you tilted your head, the curiosity eating more and more of the patience you had tried to gather. You entered the warehouse not too long after, and its wideness as well as its club vibe astonished both you and your best friend who started to jump next to you.

You stormed to the stage facing the entrance, going past the cloakroom on your left with two students taking care of people's belongings, going back and forth between the counter and the countless rows of hangers behind them. You didn't even stopped by the bar longing the left wall, where students had rushed to first, as your goal was to be in the front rows tonight, ready to be all eyes on whatever Hoseok was going to do and all ears for whatever he was going to sing. You were destroying Solhee's hand in yours, but the girl couldn't care less as all she did was the same, looking around the both of you to track her pray for the night that hadn't appeared yet.

Ten minutes later, all the lights went off except the colorful but warm spotlights lightening the stage, and you screamed along with the other spectators that were excited to see the show tonight. Once the little concert started, you felt your heart squeeze every time the song changed but without Hoseok – nor Changkyun in the public – to be seen, but you tried as well as you could to enjoy the performances of the talented musicians and singers that were covering lively songs to warm you up.

Suddenly, the world stopped spinning around you when you recognized the muscular guy entering the stage, a beanie on his bleached hair and a leather jacket on that suited him well, and his bright smile seemed to absorb every single particle of light that was in the room. You put your hand on your heart as you anticipated whatever Changkyun wanted you to see tonight, and then the musicians started playing, a melody everybody knew including you, catching your breath in your throat.

 I know your insides are feeling so hollow

And it's a hard pill for you to swallow, yeah

But if I fall for you, I'll never recover

If I fall for you, I'll never be the same

 I really wanna love somebody

I really wanna dance the night away

I know we're only half way there

But you can take me all the way, if you take me all the way

I really wanna touch somebody

I think about you every single day

I know we're only half way there

But you can take me all the way, you can take me all the way

 All the shouts and all the voices singing along shut down around you as the only sound you could hear was Hoseok's sweet voice, that married too damn well with the song Love Somebody by Maroon 5, and you were frozen into your place as you faced the happy boy. The more you listened to the lyrics, the more your brows furrowed and your members started to quiver as you getting a hold of why Changkyun had wanted you to pay attention to this song in particular ; but somewhere in the corner of your head, you couldn't believe it. Could the lyrics be… For me? No… Yes?

 You're such a hard act for me to follow

Love me today don't leave me tomorrow, yeah

But if I fall for you, I'll never recover

If I fall for you, I'll never be the same

 Those last two sentences sounded wrongfully right in your ears, reminding you of how sorry Changkyun had been for acting like a coward with you and towards his own feelings, and for the first time in your life, you could identify to a song perfectly, almost hearing the guy you liked whisper those words to you. You started to look around you for any sign of him, a need to see his face and ask him if your guesses were right aching in every part of your quivering and weakening body, but the crowd was too thick for you to see anything or go through it. And even if you had, you wouldn't have found him as Changkyun wasn't among the public.

 I really wanna love somebody

I really wanna dance the night away

I know we're only half way there

But you can take me all the way, if you take me all the way

I really wanna touch somebody

I think about you every single day

I know we're only half way there

But you can take me all the way, you can take me all the way

 I don't know where to start, I'm just a little lost

I wanna feel like we're never gonna stop

I don't know what to do, I'm right in front of you

Asking you to stay, you should stay, stay with me tonight, yeah

 "And shout out to my man… I.M!!!!" Hoseok suddenly screamed in his microphone at the end of the bridge, and under your doe-like eyes appeared the guy you liked on stage, a black shirt on revealing his collarbones in a sexy way that killed you and shook you to the core, but it was nothing compared to the splash of emotions colliding inside your head and against your heart the moment he started rapping.

Rapping about how hard he had fell for you ; rapping about how sorry he was for being late to realize it but hoping he wasn't too late ; rapping about how you both were destined, so he couldn't stop himself from wanting you ; rapping about how weak you made him feel but also stronger every time you looked at him ; rapping about how beautiful he found you ; rapping about how ready he was to be yours and how he wasn't afraid to love you anymore ; rapping about how he was eager to fight for you ; rapping about how he hoped you'd say yes after that.

 “... I’m here rapping my heart out so you can get me

I hope you’ll chose me if you ever wanna love somebody

Girl, take me all the way to our ending together

Girl, take every single bit of me, and make it better.”

 You hadn't detached your eyes from his beautiful silhouette on stage. From his manly moves to his deep killing voice ; from his sincere words to his eyes landed on you once he had found you and that didn't lose their focus after that ; from the sweat drooling on his body to the water he had put under your eyelids ; you loved everything about him, and if this was his proof to you, then you were glad you had waited before accepting him. He couldn't have seduced you more than by confessing to you through a song, even more by surprising you twice as he knew how to rap, more than well. And the loud cheers he earned once he ended his verse were showing how talented he was ; but Changkyun couldn't care less, as he wanted to hear praises from you, and you only, along with your acceptation of his confession.

He got down from the stage and immediately squatted behind, his legs wobbling after the amount of pressure and of emotions he had felt by seeing you watching him with stars in your eyes and a smile brighter than the sun. He did it. He did it, and he hoped you had received his arrow right into your heart, even if he would make up some more to shoot again and again if this wasn't enough for you. Until you were his, or until he'll knew for sure he was targeting the wrong person. The song came to an end and he got up on both of his feet, and his hyung came to congratulate him while he thanked him for having accepted this challenge, and after a quick hug, Changkyun went out of the changing rooms to find you.

You were doing the same, leaving Solhee behind that was as shaken as you by this love declaration worthy of a film, and the beating of your heart was so loud in your ears that you didn't hear the one you were looking for calling your name behind you. Until he got so close that when you turned around, you gasped loudly as his nose almost brushed yours. You took a little step back – with difficulty as there was people surrounding you – and you bit your lip at his wonderful sight, still wet with his hair now combed in the back and his brows furrowed.

"Did you listen well?" he shouted, but you still had your heartbeat filling up your ear-drums as well as the next song played on stage so you didn't hear what he said.

"What?!"

Changkyun repeated once but seeing you didn't react and only laughed, he took you by the hand and guided you to a door in the right corner of the warehouse, leading outside where a smoking room had been improvised – a square of barriers in front of the wire mesh delimiting the industrial zone from a forest. The cold of the night doubled the amount of chills covering your skin, but the fire coming from your hand in his was making you deal with it.

"What did you say in there?" you asked once again.

"Did you listen well?" he replied back, his eyes on you as if you were going to disappear before him in a minute.

A bunch of students got out of the room and congratulated him, and you saw him smile shyly before he dropped your hand to scratch his neck.

"Of course I did." you answered quietly, still a smile on your lips which was starting to make your cheeks ache.

Changkyun nodded and you saw he was shared between relief and disappointment at such a short answer to something so big he had just done for you.

"Thank you. It meant a lot to me." you added, even if it was hard for you to admit it as a part of you was still scared of letting your feelings out so openly.

Changkyun chuckled and he finally sighed out of contentment, before looking at you and those tinted lips he was craving to kiss in reward for his effort. You need to be patient.

"Nice outfit by the way, was that the real content of the bag?" you teased.

"Yes… Hoseok asked me to wear this, I don't know why…" he rolled his eyes and a blush appeared on his cheeks you wanted to take into your hands. What was stopping you from doing it anyway?

"This boy has a good taste in fashion, I've already noticed it!"

"You like that?" he wondered as he showed you the belt around his waist with a frown on his face.

"Yes, I find it kinda cool…" you trailed as your eyes were, in reality, focused on his bare torso revealed under the unbuttoned shirt, as well as the silver chain hanging around his neck that made it look even more attractive.

"Weird… But thanks. I'm still going to go change quickly, wait for me right here, okay?"

He was beautiful, no ; handsome, and you didn't want him to leave your sight right now, but you nodded as you had all night long to spend with him. And if not tonight, all the rest of your time, as your heart was now about to let him enter it gently, not in a rush ; even if his performance had trespassed the numerous obstacles you had put before the entrance –  in vain. You liked him, you liked him, you wanted him, and as you were repeating those sweet words to yourself as they couldn't be said yet, Changkyun disappeared after checking on you one last time.

    ***

    You were trying to remember the lyrics he had rapped, willing to keep every single word coming from his heart into yours, and you didn't notice the two familiar silhouettes approaching the warehouse's entrance at the same time. They stopped in their tracks as they caught you in their sight, a dreamy smile on your face while you were playing with your fingers, so you weren't aware of Hwimin's rush of panic once he saw you, in your well-chosen outfit, while his best friend nudged him gently for him to go to you.

"What do you want me to do? I'll go to her later!" he hissed, and Gyujeong sighed before shoving him with more force.

"C'mon! You're such a coward I swear!" he finally replied back as his best friend didn't move an inch, taking his time to admire in secret the girl he stupidly had left, for as long as he could.

The moment you'd meet again, he won't be allowed to look at you the way he was right now, he knew that too damn well and that was what he regretted the most.

"Y/N!" Gyujeong called and Hwimin snapped his head on his right to look at his best friend as if he was going to kill him with his eyes, to what the taller boy answered by shrugging and smiling mischievously.

The echoing of a familiar voice pierced the bubble you had been in, and when you focused your eyes on a boy who was waving in the distance, you felt as if the sky had fell down on your shoulders. Still sensitive because of the sparkling feelings Changkyun had settled into you and deployed through your numb body, you weren't in the best condition to see him again right now. Hwimin was standing next to Gyujeong who had called you and was smiling at you, while your ex-boyfriend looked in retreat and as shaken as you the second your eyes met. Piece by piece, the picture of his face reconstituted in your head and in every single one of your memories where it had been kind of blurred, becoming clear in an instant and making you feel dizzy at his sight.

Why did it hurt in some way? Why had your legs been about to go to him instinctively and leave the comfortable spot Changkyun had left you in? However, chance had always been in favor of a relationship between Im Changkyun and you, as the latter came back right on time with his black turtleneck on along with his burgundy suede jacket, and he posted himself right in front of you, blocking the majority of your view of Hwimin. You gasped at his sudden appearance and narrowed your eyes as if you had been blinded by some kind of light, and you caught the worry into Changkyun's eyes.

"Are you okay? Let's go inside, you're freezing" he said as his burning hands brushed your naked arms, running down the both of them and leaving their marks as trails of chills traced themselves after their touch, then he got a hold of your left hand.

Changkyun felt brave enough to bait some skinship with you now, and seeing you accept him stimulated him even more, though he still had to go step by step as you had asked from him. You were looking over his shoulder, Hwimin still in the same spot and apparently staring at the both of you, and you felt your heart constrict because of the uneasy situation you felt trapped in. Changkyun was about to turn around to understand what you were looking at with so much interest, not even disturbed by his fingers wrapped around yours, but you had to take action before he could see and bury you into the grave of discomfort :

"Changkyun-ah."

You saw his surprise at your sudden call out, his brows going up and his back suddenly straightening up, but having your eyes on him once again soothed him in some way.

"Hm?" he invited you to continue. "Are you okay?" he reiterated as he tried to turn his head once again to look over his shoulder.

"Look at me." you ordered shyly, as for some unknown reason, you didn't want him to know who Hwimin was as well as the reverse.

Those few words swayed Changkyun and he interpreted them as some kind of green light when in reality they were pronounced out of panic, and feeling your hand squeezing his, he got closer to you, starting to bend down and you understood he was about to kiss you from the way he was looking at you with lust. But you wanted your very first kiss to be pure, truer than you feeling stressed out while sharing this special thing, and right now you couldn't. You couldn't hurt Hwimin by kissing another one in front of him when you hadn't even reunited yet ; you couldn't hurt Changkyun by being anywhere but here with him when this act was supposed to be the most meaningful one in your relationship.

Hwimin was still standing there as he was waiting for something to happen, and when it didn't, he unexpectedly started to walk to you as curiosity – and some jealousy – was urging him to barge into this somehow intimate moment. But having a confrontation between the both of them right at the beginning of the party felt like it would be the end of you, so in a state of panic, you pulled at Changkyun's hand and dragged him along with you inside the warehouse to hide.

"Okay so what was that rush for?" Changkyun asked in your ear once you were far enough from the smoking room, and through the windows you saw Hwimin turn around to walk back to the warehouse's main entrance.

You sighed one last time before your throat definitely tightened as you felt you couldn't lie to him.

"To be honest…It was because my ex was there. He was going to come and-"

"What?"

Changkyun immediately let go of your hand and he turned around abruptly, but as he didn't know what the guy looked like, he stopped before looking at you again, and he could see you were growing smaller and smaller even in the darkness.

"I don't know how to explain-"

"You don't know how to explain what? How you just avoided kissing me because of your ex being here? How do you want me to take that Y/N? Are you ashamed of him seeing you with me? Or maybe you don't want to kiss me in the first place now that he's here? Are you taking your revenge for the pool party?" he burst out, hurt as well as anger clear in his darkening eyes.

Changkyun was even more panicked than you ; he was scared you would go back to him when he had been that close to have you, he was scared he had done everything for nothing so that he'd be disgusted by love forever, and that made him spill nonsense.

"What?! No! Why are you bringing this up?!" you protested, shouting out loud to be heard above the dancing music.

"And why are you bringing your ex up when you said you didn't care about him like that anymore?!"

His words knocked into your head as they sounded familiar, and a wave of confusion hit your brain. Did he hear my conversation with Gyujeong…?

"W-What? How do you know about that…? You heard everything on Monday?" you asked in a lower and trembling voice.

"Yes I did, why? You wished I wouldn't have?" he shouted, his face falling deeper and deeper into something unreadable, and you hated that.

"Why are you getting so mad at me?" you weakly protested, hot flashes suffocating you as you were frustrated of not being able to explain yourself clearly, and as he was scaring the hell out of you by exploding unexpectedly.

"Because I'm fucking serious about tonight, it took me a lot to do what I've done for you and now you tell me that, so excuse me but yes this is making me crazy right now!"

Words were mingling inside your mind and you were wondering why you couldn't fight much more when you wanted to. Maybe that was how unprepared you had been to face Hwimin, as you hadn't thought you would be that affected by having to deal with the two men you had been the closest to in your life, in the same place and at the same time. But what was clear and noble in your mind hadn't come right from your mouth, and Changkyun losing it was letting you out of words. You just wanted to go away from this party with him right now, as you just had admitted to yourself you were in love with him, as you were still drunk in love by the words he had poured from his mouth and heart for you, but you needed to deal with your feelings calmly, and Hwimin's apparition had torn everything apart.

"I am serious too!" you only managed to say.

"Oh really? I don't think so, or else you would've kissed me without second thoughts! You know what Y/N? If you're not sure about your feelings for me or for him, then don't get me involved in this because at least I am. I… I can't believe you." Changkyun snapped back, his deep voice cutting you as well as his harsh words.

He gave you one last tormenting look and he disappeared in the crowd once again, anger clearly boiling through his veins as he pushed past people abruptly. And as he got out of your reach, the fear of losing him definitely caught you and you cursed at yourself for not having been able to plead your cause more fervently. He hadn't listened to you…

Where is he? you asked yourself as you looked around the warehouse, your mind dizzier than if you had drank thousands of glasses of alcohol.

    To be continued…

    A/N : Wowowo that suspeeeeensssssse… What's going to happen with this love triangle? Hahaha I'm stopping! Thank you for reading as always, I'll put the last (normally) part as soon as possible, hoping law school doesn't end me or else you'll be on standby forever…