#im just losing it over a fucking bpm

[spagheddiesquash]

IM FUCKING CRYING GUYS WHAT THE FUCK IS THE EXACT BPM FOR NAMIDA BY MARETU??? ITS A FUCKING DECIMAL BUT I CANT FUCKING FIND WHAT DECIMAL IS SUPPOSED TO BE HELPPPP

IF ANY OF YOU KNOW THE EXACT BPM OR HOW TO MAKE THE BPM OF IT NOT A DECIMAL PLEASE LMK IM ON THE VERGE OF A FUCKING BREAKDOWN OVER THIS SHIT /HJ

FFS I JUST WANNA MAKE MY UTAU COVER 😭😭😭

[soulkeeper801]

Silly Crush pt 2

Im Nayeon x f!reader

smut

Y/N has a little crush on a sunbae that gets a bit too far for Nayeon’s liking.

Part 1

II

Nayeon grabbed your hair, pulling you towards her and making you arch your back.

“You’re mine,” she growled in your ear as she pounded deep against you, a hand on your hip to keep you in place.

To remind you where you belonged.

She knew she didn’t have anything to worry about. You were going strong for almost a year now and never felt threatened by anything or anyone. Not even when her company tried to ban the relationship. The ups and downs brought you two together closer than ever and the love that you had for each other made her trust you blindly.

But the moment your ultimate crush not only noticed you but also showed interest in meeting you, she felt she had to protect what’s hers. You wouldn’t dare to leave her, would you?

“Are you listening to me?” she hissed in your ear, the hand that was holding you down left a loud slap on your ass.

“Y-yes,” you stuttered, a tear threatening to fall due to the almost unbearable pleasure you were feeling.

Nayeon pulled the strap on almost all the way out just to slap herself against you again, making you moan her name out loud.

“No one else gets to bend you over and fuck you like this,” she groaned, grabbing your hip to bring you closer with each thrust, “Say it”.

“No one,” you said in a whimper, feeling her moving faster against you, “only you, babe, only y-you”.

Nayeon’s thrusts became rougher, hitting the right spots, making you lose your senses out of pleasure. She owned you and both of you knew it.

“Come for me, pretty thing,” she whispered lovingly, after leaving a kiss on your naked shoulder and you felt your release taking over.

She pulled out after a couple of seconds, making you groan at the sensation. You turned around and met her eyes. They adored you, filled with love as a small smile adorned her face. She placed her arms on each side of your head, still between your legs, the tip of her strap teasing your folds once again.

Her lips looked for yours in a hungry kiss as her tongue entered your mouth to keep tasting you. She lowered her kisses to your jaw, your neck where she nibbled your skin leaving faint marks that reminded you who you belonged to.

“Only mine,” she growled looking directly at your eyes, before she aligned her strap to your entrance to take you one more time.

--

“Why is Y/N’s heart rate going so high?!” a very surprised MC asked as he watched the numbers on the little screen changing rapidly as Nayeon stood in front of you only giving you a wide smile.

A bunch of idols had been invited to a special end of the year episode of a very well known variety show. The last activity of the episode was the infamous bpm monitoring, where they had a guy trying to raise your heartbeat in order to win a prize.

“This should be easy,” he confidently said as he fixed his hair with his hands before throwing you a seductive look.

Your heart rate dropped to 73, pulling a loud laugh from the other attendees. One of the MCs clapped in his face and pushed him back to his seat. The tall guy smiled awkwardly as the guys next to him patted his back.

Another guy stepped in with a shy smile, “I’m kinda nervous,” he said, making you giggle.

Your heart rate raised a bit and everyone roared at your reaction. The encouragement made the guy boldly go for your hand and hold it, while looking at your eyes.

However your heart rate dropped again and you raised your eyebrows at his action. He stepped back and chuckled in defeat, letting your hand go and going back to his seat.

“Let me try!” A loud but smiling girl shouted from behind when everyone thought the game was already over.

You tried to clear your mind, to think about anything else other than her because you knew one of her pretty smiles and your heart would explode.

She was mischievous, knowing perfectly the power she had over you. The corner of her lips went up as soon as she stepped in front of you, swaying from side to side feigning innocence.

But you knew her better. She was giving you that look. The look she would throw at you whenever she was trying to get her way by seducing you with her actions. The look she would hold before unbuckling your pants while on her knees. The look she would hold before her hand traveled to the hem of your underwear after a heated make out session.

Your heart started beating faster and everyone noticed.

“What?!” one of the MCs reacted standing up from his chair to take a closer look at the little screen. “How is that possible?”

Nayeon laughed at the scene before throwing her head back, letting out a loud laugh. You smiled, feeling a little defeated. No one would ever know the meaning behind the rapidly beating of your heart.

She swiftly made her way to the prize and sent a wink your way, gaining a faint blush as your heart beat kept increasing.

“Wait, wait,” the MC stopped Nayeon before she could come closer to the prize. “There’s still one final level before anyone can take the prize”.

As those words left his mouth, a sudden shiver went through your body. There would only be one reason for him to say something like that. Were they going to…?

He signaled to the back door and you felt your soul leaving your body.

As the door opened slowly, revealing a pair of long legs, a tight black dress that hugged a well trained body and you could identify who she was, the bpm monitor went to the roof. Everyone roared in reply to how your heart was reacting to her simple presence. Everyone but Im Nayeon.

“Hello, Y/N,” the woman you had always adored greeted while waving her hand sweetly at you. “Finally, we meet”.

You bowed deeply at her, trying to think about anything else but it was impossible. Her eyes were locked to yours and she was smiling widely at your endearing reaction. She took a couple of steps towards you and caressed your arm slowly, without breaking eye contact.

“You win, sunbaenim,” you whispered, redirecting your gaze to the ground before the bpm made you more embarrassed.

She laughed gracefully, bringing you to her and engulfing you in a quick hug that was immediately broken as the monitor started beeping at the unusual beating of your heart.

The studio broke into a loud laugh as the MC took the chance to wrap up the episode.

“We found a winner right here, the prize has an owner now! Thank you for watching, see you next week!”.

The cameras turned off and suddenly you were brought back to reality.

“You’re hilarious,Y/N,” an MC complimented as a member of the staff took the wires off you. “You should come over often”.

The guy bowed at you and the woman still standing by your side as the staff member left at the same time.

“Come by my waiting room when you’re free, alright?” The black haired woman said, with a hint of playfulness in her voice, probably due to the way you had reacted at her.

You were at a loss of words and could only nod. Was she inviting you to her waiting room? Just the two of you? What did that smile mean?

Not giving it much thought, you turned around to go back to your own waiting room right before catching your girlfriend’s eyes.

She was furious.

And you were in trouble.

[captainjimothycarter]

Post Covid exhaustion is so fucking real. I cant concentrate and losing energy fast over the simplest of things.

And lately my heart has been randomly racing. (Yes im on adderall but its never been 100 bpm just sitting down)

[cyclingandmetalhealth]

Before I climb mountains-Stop asking me

So you must see some horrible things? Ugh here we go again another patient who wants to know my job, it’s not like the movies or tv shows. There are real people involved, real consequences. He just doesn’t know what he is asking of me. Like some really bad car accidents? Hit with a baseball bat in the chest. The flashes start like the kids toy with the reel in it. Tick. Tick. Tick. What is the worst call you have ever seen? So many horrible things I want to say to you right now. “Lots of bad things”. Man how do you guys deal with it? Fuck... seriously right now. Honestly I’m not dealing with it and you are making that really hard to do. “Ya it can be tough”. We arrive at the hospital and wheel in the patient. I walk away to triage never wanting to see this person again. How am I supposed to make this go away if you keep hitting me with it.

Set the goal, structure a plan, follow the plan and achieve the goal. Another rainy day. Down to the basement to spend time on the trainer. I am looking forward to getting outside to ride. A few more sessions and the weather should turn around. It’s May and next week I am riding my first training ride in Gatineau park. Thinking about it makes me nervous. I am going to be recording my first video to post on Facebook about my ride up Haleakala. I know the message I want to deliver. Will people watch? Do they care? I guess I will find out soon enough.

I meet up with a good cycling friend for my first ride in Gatineau park. In Ottawa this is the only place near by to get some elevation riding. I know my fitness is not there yet. He pulls away on every hill. One more loop he says I nod, I have been out of breathe for the last hour. One more hour to go. Ok let’s do this. 64 kms 1100 meters of elevation. Haleakala will be only 58km but at 3055 meter (10023 feet) in elevation a reality has set in. How hard this climb will be! Harder than anything I have ever done before. 3 x harder than what I did today plus no downhills to have a break on. There is something else I never have done before, cycling above 5000ft.

Riding at a high elevation becomes a serious challenge. Denying your muscles and brain of the essential gas - Oxygen so important to what I do as a paramedic. Lives saved by my ability to provide different skills and drugs that correct this lack of oxygen to some part of my patient. Now I am going to bike up a volcano, start at the ocean with 21% oxygen and reach 10023 feet where the effective oxygen is 14% thanks to lack of pressure pushing the life giving molecules together.

4191 Baby short of breathe code 4. Lights on let’s go. I can feel the epi ripping through me. Breathe; focus; think of my differentials. calculate: tube size, ventolin dose, joules, epi the same thing taking me to the next level of focus im and iv. Maybe he is seizing? Midazolam dose.

“Mike where is the next turn.” I am carving through inattentive drivers on their cell phones. Red light. We check for traffic. “Clear” “Clear” it’s the next turn, the ambulance leans hard into to the corner. I took an extra year of training for this call. Nothing is more important than what we do in the first 120 seconds. When I get to this baby, Live or die 120 seconds.

4191 update on your call patient is unconscious and not breathing.

10-4 we are 1 minute out.

Breathe

The door is open and our patients mom is outside she is scared. “He’s in here” mom says. The morning sun beams on my face. We have our kit. The dad holds the hand of a limp blue baby not breathing. He can barely speak to tell us what happened.

Pulse yes - not breathing - airway clear - monitor sinus bradycardia - pulse is slowing fuck he is going to arrest - bvm can’t ventilate - scope - tube - McGill’s - I see it, pull it out - ventilate oxygen in - breathe...breathe...breathe come on breathe, with a gasp he is breathing on his own - pulse to 160. He is alive but condition is critical. I carry the baby to the stretcher in the ambulance. His eyes are opening and limbs moving. He cries out and continues to improve. Oxygen... I opened his airway in time.

My friend asks me “so how many more times are you going to come to Gatineau to ride”. As many as I need to I guess. “Once or twice a week” I reply still looking for another laboured breathe of air. I look at my heart rate. Average 178 bpm. Analysis of this stat tells me what I already know from the searing in my lungs and burning in my legs. There is a lot of work to do.

I’m still doing the work. 4 years ago when I started eating plant based it was not the easy route but that’s not me. I want the adversity. Quitting meat and dairy when your main vegetables are potatoes and you eat burgers 4 times a week did not seem possible. But I needed a change. I need to be healthier. I need to lose 50 pounds in a healthy sustainable way. So Gwenn and I did it together and I have never felt better. The learning curve is steep when you go plant based over night. But I felt clearer and energized. I knew I needed something physical. Somewhere to take the nervous energy and get it out. Going to the gym never stuck, to easy to find reasons to not go. For me it was cycling, I could hop on and ride. Inside or outside short or long I could hit a cadence and sort it all out. I had a focus and I was learning everyday how to be plant based in a shift work, on the go job. Meditation took me to another level. I had a place to go when I got angry. I put it in to meditation and would come out calm. When the calls come rushing back. When I’m feeling to low or anxious, when I start to shut down and I am ready to put the walls up, when the next idiot asks me “what’s the worst thing you have every seen” I have my essential oils. A kit of tools to reset, refocus and balance. The hardest part was getting a psychologist. What if........... so many things I can what if about. But I need this. I need a safe place to be open. It works, these changes and tools are working. I still need a push from Gwenn that I am off sometimes. I still need to do all these things. I feel like the hard things in life never get better. My brothers death has never hurt any less. I have never missed him less or see him less in my thoughts, dreams or nightmares. But I am better at dealing with it. I know how to put it in the box and come back to it later and I know to let it flow when I can. It doesn’t get better but I do.

If you want to make your dreams into reality it helps to visualize; I feel the feedback in the bars. The rhythm of the crank driving me up. The clear blue skies with the sun on my face. The moonscape terrain around me. Switchback I am going the right way. I can feel how hard by heart pounds and each breath is. The sweat cools me as the wind is firm and pushing me from left to right. 14% grade with a 14% effective oxygen level. It’s perfect the final hill is perfect. I can see Gwenn tucked in her coat, her hands bare so she can take pictures. I ride to her. It is so hard but it’s like a force pushes me up further. I pass the parked cars up the trail to the top. She holds me up and hugs me like she has done so many times to pull me back.

It melts away into this...

Flashbacks - a sudden and disturbing vivid memory of and event it the past; I can see the cars the smell of antifreeze, gasoline and blood. So foreign in any normal persons nostrils. Fuck they are young. Scene assessment and triage. The resulting analysis in my head is not good. Multiple fatalities to much trauma this one can’t be saved. This one too and one more. I know this. This was my brother. I often think of the first responders who attended to my brother and I pray it does not haunt them. But I know it does. We are all haunted in some way by what we see. At first I put it in the box. It was nice and tidy and I could open the box when I wanted. Now it’s like trying to put the Christmas tree in the box. It’s torn and ripped and I get cut every time I touch it. That’s when things started to go all wrong. Too many calls, it got messy and I couldn’t get it all back in.

“Sounds good, I will see you on Saturday”. The meeting is set. I am going out to project trauma support. I need to understand how they are doing what they do. So many programs have worked for some but not for others. This program is working where others have failed. No big deal I will find out what they do and see how I can communicate it best to everyone who watches my ride. “These mountains we carry we were only meant to climb” by Najewa Zebian my mantra for the ride is about to become real in a new way.