#im not armchair diagnosing her with anything im just observing

[chekovsphaser]

Right now I'm trying to deal with the fact that my mother is absolutely pathological in blaming other people (especially me) for her actions and guilt-trips as simply and subconsciously as she breathes.

We did not get into a fight, or even a mild disagreement. We've been perfectly fine and even happy with each other today. However, she lost her phone. This is, obviously, a huge problem. And, even though her irresponsibility with her own possessions absolutely in no way can be attributed to me, it's still kind of my fault, because I didn't get a local chip the other day. Apparently. I didn't argue, I figured she was going through enough without that. And she just kept going on about it. The only nod to her possible responsibility in this situation was that she said she pays less attention to her surroundings when she's with another person, because she expects the other person (me) to be on top of it. Still implying it was my fault for not being on top of it and not noticing she left her phone somewhere.

On one hand, this is upsetting. It's sad that she's so tied up in blame and the concept of her own pure innocence that she can't acknowledge even the slightest mistake. It's sad that this is so ingrained that I can never change it no matter how good I am. No matter how little error I make, she will blame me for her errors because she is utterly incapable of believing otherwise.

On the other hand, it's a little liberating? To know that maybe I'm not as bad as I think I am, I just deal with a person who will attribute every evil in the world to me for no reason.