#im not even stagnating im getting worse and more lazy with my art and im not coming up with anything good either

[rapidhighway]

nngnngg nhhnnnggg hnnnggggg can't I just draw like that one person why is their art so good why are their ideas so good I'm literally seething from envyy gggrhhrrhdd

[untothebreach]

like im literally just feeling so down on myself and my work right now... I'll never be good enough for those jobs and positions. Never. there are 18, 17, 16 year olds way better than me already, who are more diverse, who have better ideas, who have more drive and passion and interesting things to say. Who make their own art, their own films, their own studios, and prove their worth to employers. Who work at professional levels right out of high school and will never need to apply for a job a day in their lives because the offers will just come rolling in off their skill alone.

And I'm like... why would I ever try to compete with that? 23 and lazy, unwilling to improve, incapable perhaps. Untalented, never learns. And even if I do, I'll always be behind them. I'll never be at the same level because they will always be improving too, with their unique adaptable recognizable styles and fluid poses and character moments full of personality and interactions. And I just... will never be that.

I'm 23. I'm 23 and I'm never going to be able to get there without work I'm just ,,,,, I don't have the willingness to put in. Which is my fault. It's my fault I'm unhireable. All these kids put in so much work to improve, to study, to grow, and what do I do? Sit on my ass, watch YouTube all day. Stagnate. Rot. Lose my skills, get worse. I've only improved at stiff compositions and boring characters - when will I be able to make something real (again)? Did I ever?

I don't think I ever did. So why would anyone ever hire me, if I have nothing pertinent to say and nothing relevant to add to a conversation? Why hire me when my work looks like amateur dogshit and my characters are bland and lifeless.

Might as well just go into Vtubers and resign myself to a life of set work and mediocre modern procedural dramas shopped from Target. At least they'll pay me to be a machine.