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#im so scared to admit this but weve been falling apart anyway. when this first started i chalked it up to some platonic equivalent of the
mourn2
·
3 years
Text
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#the prolonged silences between our conversations are genuinely driving me up tue fucking wall
#if it were anybody else it wouldnt be an issue. itd be fine. i can deal with them from anybody else but not feom him apparently since i feel
#like im going fucking crazy right now. genuinely what the hell is wrong with me. and i know its not because im overly attached its not that
#i cant handle not talking for a while in fact most of the time i prefer it but with him its just unbearable its like im clawing my eyes out
#im so scared to admit this but weve been falling apart anyway. when this first started i chalked it up to some platonic equivalent of the
#honeymoon phase being over or whatever and actually made my peace with it for a while
#but its not that i think. its a lot more. maybe the concept of losing him is becoming more and more real to me and maybe whats scaring me
#the most is that i actually want it to happen so i can stop fuckijg feeling like im about to die and explode or something
#im genuinely on the verge of a panic attack rn at the thought of telling him this but i should. like i have to. i csnt just run away this
#time he deserves to know how im feeling right. theres always little mini versions of this where i text him a half truth to satiate myself
#and he communicates with me about it and then for once we have a decent convo which smooths me over and makes me feel normal for a while but
#it always fucking catches up to me and i just cant do it anymore i refuse to feel this fucking terrible about sometjing i cant even control
#oh my god
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