#im so sorry messenger baby. i love seeing them miserable

[skybristle]

I’m actually going to bed now but infodump so I can read it in the morning. Go nuts

this is a bit hard to understand since obviously *i* have all of the conext of their cahracter and am just spitballing from the mind so please feel free to ask for elaboration anywhere i love talking about my silly guys

but. i think a lot about how i often potray messenger as very,,, jaded and exhausted. and it's true !! it is!!! they're so fucking exhausted. i mean, i would be pretty damn annoyed and tired too if i was constantly the one handed down things, especially regarding their imposed responsibilties in the republic. but. man. nothing's keeping them here. in fact, their loved ones often urge them to rest and quit, none as much as their father which in a lot of ways they're doing this all for. but they will keep fighting. they cannot lay down as long as thy are needed. stemming from a childhood of having worth assigned to productivity especially as someone disabled [OBVIOUDLY NOT PV DOING THAT. I WANT TO CLARIFY. MESSENGER IS ADOPTED] has had far reaching consequences now that they have something to care for, countless things to lose, feelings of obligation, their position as the connecting thread. literally, as the royal messenger, and one of the founders of the republic [unwillingly as it was].

idk. they started off unlearning. beloved deeply by all the kingdoms, engrossed in their cultures, adopted and held dear by the ancients, a symbol of their unity. and then pure vanilla urges them to go to the white lily grove, which is suddenly innaccessable. they don't connect the dots. and then there's war, fracturing the skies.

they were, what, 15? if that? and here they are. darting across skies weaving under and over magical projectiles with the only moments of rest being when they can entrust their wings to propel them on their own. they're one of the few winged people they have [besides gc, who is obviously more useful as a direct messenger]. their role taught them the continent, these lands, the people in it and their problems. and all of that is turned against them in the worst way possible. they care. they care so fucking much. they believe any fault, any death, can be attributed to a failure of theirs. and it ruins them. when they turn from the airship docks and fly directly into the heat of the storm, where the magic rips them apart down to their structural magic, raising the alarm bell, they *know* it's likely a suicide mission, but its okay. they helped people. they were useful. they made up for all of their wrongs. they have so so much hope and faith and love for the world but believe they are a dismissable cost to seeing it through, and the people around them are forced into a position where they must just watch them tear themself apart because they *need* to, and are brilliantly infalliable, and are so important in such a desprate time they cannot rest.

i think a lot about how, after they manage to survive the fall of the vanilla kingdom, stumbling back to the airship and crashlanding with horrific magical burns, stunted mortality, a few extra eyes,shattered arm, a broken magic gift, and constant chronic pain on top of their mobility aids being badly damaged from the storm + from pure vanilla's 'death' effecting the magic in them, they fucking GET UP. they hear secondhand the issues of the infant republic, how nobody's getting anywhere, and they believe earnestly in good faith that this arrangement *can* be made and helped. this kid doesn't know what they're doing, as they haul themself up and walk off, wings dragging, to the council table. they cannot rest yet. their father is dead. their sister is dead. there's no true vanillian heir, yes, they renounced that long ago, but they know their charm and hope direly they can pull this mess together. and they're right!

they are drowning. there's a reason their goodbye note, when they finally break and drop out a window only to fly off into the endless, blissfully silent night skies, is misinterpreted by many as a suicide note.

and, hell, when they retreat to the silence of the grove, deathly afraid of responsibility coming back to eat them alive and seeking complete isolation where if they're ignorant, they don't have to know what they're needed for now [they still feel guilt], they end up finding out the truth regarding white lily [they've always been startling intellegent, and reading trhough all the experiment logs and old letters *they delivered*, even if they're only getting one side,,, they can connect the dots]. and they can't feel angry. they did this all for pure vanilla- for the ancients- for everything. he lied to them. and yet they can't exactly hate a dead man, can they?

until pure vanilla is alive, and they know it, and everyrhing jumps back to life, including their obligations, and their feelings of betrayal. they pressure pv into fessing up and *they* are in large responsibile for odyssey, like, yeah the goal of discussing the war is obviously there and super important but,,, the reunion, the perfect chance to speak,,, even at the costs. it must go on. the world will be bettered, even if it sucks for a while.

i'll gloss over the gc arc for now since its super new, but i made a post a bit earlier about it and they're Having A Bad Fucking Time already enough.

any then odyssey. obviously, its bad enough watching the republic they had a a direct hand in be so shitty, even before they actually GO there. i think that after clotted spills the truth messenger spent so long hurting over persoanlly and working with their father to tell everyone is when their extreme hurt and exhaustion finally boils over into fucking ANGER. they absolutely chew clotted to shreds in the atrium after everyone else dissolves. and thats kinda their spiral from there.

they go to the republic, and they're a fucking *hero*. the worst parts of their life, all compartmentalized and put on a pedastal as the 'first consul'. they cover their ears as their praises are sung, constantly correcting to jsut, please, for the love of god, call them messenger. this hurts even more than if they weren't recongized at all. everyone regards them with utmost respect,,,,

as they stand on the countless dead and hurting of the lower city, countless injustices and ignorance, the paladins that they can so clearly see are just light magic infestations - all of it, all of the republics countless problems. and that awful feeling begins to fester once more. the republic tries to rob their family of their most sacred artifacts as the vehicle to the better, war-free world messenger so desires and which motivates them through hell and back.

*they. are. responsible.* in some way or another, their actions, more specifically, their abandonment of the infant republic, they feel like it lead to this. which only reinforces their tendancies, when they broke and ran it turned out like this. they fight tooth and nail, using their status in the republic as much as it hurts, for something better here. even when the dragon erupts from the earth, even as hell breaks loose at home, as they split themself between the obligations here and the obligations of the ancients, which they have bound themself to out of their love and compassion rather than unending guilt.

they hurt, man.

i can only imagine how bad the future is for them when war truely sparks up again and their mindset is completely cemented. god. theyre so ruined.

but, also,,, i think a lot about the day they're able to sit on top of the vanilla castle, stars flickering, moon parting the clouds, where they can breathe the cold air and bask in the fact that, even if there is more to be done, they *won*.

i think they deserve a long, long vacation, away from the places they have spent so long flying between without appreciating the world they started off wanting to see- the whole reason they became royal messenger so young. parfaedian snows, their sister in law's cabin up in the frost mountains, the tropical soda islands,,, boundless possibilities. they are free. their wings finally catch the wind of new sails.

they can have peace eventually, but it'll be a hell of a ride.

[milky-mochi]

late night texts | csb

genre: fluff, crush! soobin, close friend! soobin, friends to lovers, soobin is a fluffy baby okay he’s a cute blundering mess

pairing: choi soobin x reader

word count: 1.7k

summary: soobin is helplessly head over heels for the girl he cares so much for, but he keeps his feelings to himself, until things suddenly change for the better, over late night texts and blooming roses.

song: 🎶 blueming by iu 🎶

soobin's fingers hung over his messenger app in anticipation.

It was half past ten, and yet his phone delivered him no message from you. you had promised him that you would text him at quarter past, after your shift at your internship had ended, but fifteen minutes had passed and there was still no green dot beside your icon.

soobin just assumed you had fallen asleep after a tiring day, which he totally understood. he didn't blame you one bit, knowing how tired you must have been after non-stop activities for twenty hours. sighing in defeat, he placed his phone face down and cracked his knuckles.

he missed you so much his heart ached, but he could never text you first. he didn't know if he meant enough to you for it to not be annoying, and soobin was a big coward.

just as he got up to get a drink as a distraction, his phone chimed. soobin nosedived into his table so hard to grab his phone that he probably could've broken it.

at the top of his notifications, a light blue notification from you awaited him, labelled clearly with your contact name. soobin had been too afraid to put a heart beside your name (for fear of the boys finding out, or even worse, you). but you were too special to him for it to just be your name. so he copied a cute little flower emoticon from this layout site and placed it lovingly beside your first name, even though he knew that his contact in your phone was probably saved as every one else was.

clicking on the notification, soobin's furrowed eyebrows smoothened and his bunny smile revealed itself. the thought of you never failed to make his day a whole lot better.

y/n ❁: hey soobin! :D

y/n ❁: sorry im so late :(( i missed the bus and didn't get home until like 2 minutes ago

soobin sighed as he let out a knowing smile. you had busted your data watching videos of your favourite drama a week ago, so you couldn't text him on the bus.

binbread: omg it's okay y/n

binbread: don't you wanna take a shower first? i can wait!

y/n ❁: i'm alright, soobin. thank you tho 🥺

y/n ❁: and besides,

y/n ❁ is typing…

y/n ❁: i'd much rather talk to you

soobin felt his heart pounding in his chest, felt the blood circulating through his fingertips, his face, his entire body. he was flushed red and felt warmth consume him, leaving him with the jittery, skittery feeling that your sweet words always bestow him with.

binbread: y/n omg aaaaaaaa

binbread: 🥺🥺🥺

binbread: i love talking to you too

binbread: how was your day?

whenever soobin asked you this at the end of every day, it was never just a conversation starter, let alone a formality. he genuinely always wanted to know how your day went, worried at how much you exerted yourself to serve others. soobin knew how reckless you were when it came to your own needs, and he sealed a secret promise to always look after you, especially when you didn’t look after yourself.

y/n ❁: omg it was amazing

y/n ❁: there’s this guy named hangyul who just started interning with me

y/n ❁: he’s so funny omg i actually had to tell him to shut up so i could get work done

guiltily, soobin felt his heart drop. of course there was another guy, someone much better, someone of the quality you deserved-

y/n ❁: ok lowkey

y/n ❁: think im gonna set him up with seungyoun

binbread: seungyoun? the guy from your dance studio?

y/n ❁: yeah!!! they’d go so well together

y/n ❁: oh yeah

y/n ❁: hangyul is gay

y/n ❁: lmao

soobin felt embarrassed at how relieved he was. soobin was definitely the jealous type, and he hated it. he hated the way his mind would jump to conclusions, hated the way he always felt on the verge of being replaced, and he really hated the way his jealousy was always amplified when it came to you.

you didn’t have any mutual friends, so he’d rarely ever have to see you interact with any other guy. he was so grateful for that. who knows what his jealous heart would do if he saw you with someone else. at least, with this, he had that false sense of security that maybe, maybe, your feelings echoed his own.

binbread: omg do it y/n

binbread: don’t you need to sleep though

binbread: as much as i love talking to you

binbread: you literally pulled like 8 all nighters in a row

y/n ❁: it was only 3 :(

y/n ❁: and i missed you :(

y/n ❁: stay soobin :(

y/n ❁: soobinnie :(

you frowned at soobin’s inactivity. little did you know, soobin’s neighbour had knocked on his door, asking if he could borrow scissors because his kid needed it for a project and he couldn’t find a pair in his home. you could have waited, but you had missed him the entire day. and you were feeling really, really, annoying.

y/n ❁: soobiiiiiiiiiiin :(

y/n ❁: soobin come back :(

y/n ❁: i miss u :(

y/n ❁: love :(

y/n ❁: baby :(

y/n ❁: you’re my

y/n ❁: honey bunch

y/n ❁: sugar plum

y/n ❁: pumpy-umpy-umpkin

y/n ❁: you’re my sweetie pie

after soobin had kindly handed his neighbour his scissors with the baby blue handles, he immediately picked up his phone and read your messages. instantly, his face burned up and he dramatically put his hand to his heart (because he was alone, and you made him do things like that just by calling him two pet names and quoting a children’s song). but as the ‘seen’ appeared at the bottom of your messages, panic began to jolt your bones.

y/n ❁: soobiiiiiiiiiiin :(

y/n ❁: the user has deleted this message

y/n ❁: the user has deleted this message

y/n ❁: the user has deleted this message

y/n ❁: the user has deleted this message

y/n ❁: the user has deleted this message

y/n ❁: the user has deleted this message

y/n ❁: the user has deleted this message

y/n ❁: the user has deleted this message

y/n ❁: the user has deleted this message

binbread: y/n

binbread: i saw everything you sent lmao

binbread: dont do this to me :(

y/n ❁ is typing…

y/n ❁: do what binnie? :)

binbread: that

binbread: [insert crying cat meme]

binbread: [which i don't have on me now because i cleared my storage]

y/n ❁: ok i literally cant take this

your thumbs twiddled around your screen as you inhaled sharply.

y/n ❁ is typing…

oh no, thought soobin. this is the end. this is where she gets irritated with me because i can’t take a joke. she blocks me and we never talk or hang out again. she find another guy and she’s happy without me and i’m sad and lonely and miserable, shovelling bread into my mouth as a replacement for my soul-

ding!

y/n ❁: you’re too cute for this world soobin

y/n ❁: and u make it so much better for everyone

y/n ❁: especially for me

y/n ❁: and i know this seems weird, and may very well ruin our friendship

y/n ❁: but i really really like you

y/n ❁: and im tired of hiding it

damn, soobin thought. damn i was not expecting that.

soobin’s heart was beating wildly out of his chest for the third time that day, only because of you. his fingers were shaking as he typed his reply as fast as he could. the moment he had dreamed of for months had finally come tapping on his screen.

binbread: oh my god

binbread: i like you too

binbread: i’ve liked you for like

binbread: so long

binbread: is this real

y/n ❁: or is this the fantasy

binbread: those aren’t the lyrics y/n

y/n ❁: i tried okay

binbread: and im so proud of you for doing so

binbread: truly a pop culture queen

y/n ❁: :(

binbread: okay okay

binbread: jokes aside

binbread: i've liked you for like,, 10 months now

binbread: this is a dream come true

binbread: you're a dream come true

binbread: so y/n

binbread: will you go out with me?

y/n ❁: i literally just confessed to you like 3 minutes ago

y/n ❁: like yea of course choi soobin

binbread: you could’ve just said yes :(

binbread: but okay meet me at the 5th station tmr?

binbread: i wanna take you to my favourite bakery! :D

y/n ❁: totally :D

and so here, at fifth station, act ii of your relationship with soobin had revealed itself. soobin looked like a prince, stepping out of the subway in a creme button up and black jeans, approaching you with a red rose in one hand and his phone dialling your number in the other. he smiled brightly as he approached you, seeing your face and your screen, popping up with his contact name.

incoming call…

soobin ❁

and so to his favourite bakery he brought you. it was rose themed, from rose gold metal vases to wooden countertops, and rose infused drinks and pastries, you felt like a princess. his princess. especially when he brought you for a walk in the cafe’s rose garden and you ran your hands gingerly over their velvet petals, thinking about the rose in your hand, how lucky you were to have it, and how many more of them you would get to enjoy. soobin gazed at you with soft eyes and gently took your hand in his.

“we’ll be as beautiful as this, together. a hundred roses,” soobin said, as if he were reading your mind, “wanna make them bloom with me?” 

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a/n: ayo! hoped u liked my first soobin fic 🥺 i love choi soobin and he’s very cute,, anyway if u have any requests feel free to send em in!! i’d love to write em <3