#im still working on it I'm trying to get better and braver but how much of the work is my responsibility to carry

[lupismaris]

One of the most uncomfortable experiences of autistic adulthood in my experience truly has been- either relationships/friendships, and the process of building them, need to be easier to navigate or I need to want them less because this no man's land is a special kind of lonely.

And it's not a vague post or pity post, it's just an observation re community building in a local sense. We're told it's harder when you're older, harder when you're sober, harder when you're xyz. But that doesn't take away the need for community or help with navigating the process of building it.

[hobidreams]

Hi Rain! I just finished reading August 1867 for the 3rd time (I had to make sure I understand it by reading the words carefully but i'd probably read it again ahaha). Omgg ok so now I am absolutely looking forward for the remaining (although still bracing for the twists and tragic part, the feels!) chapters because I've gained a lot more hope now that we have this chapter!! It kind of felt like its all clearer in a way. Thank you again for this, wonderful writing!💟 The queen gives such comfort I missed her huhu and oh OC's mom was also mentioned 🥺💗

I have a theory once again hahaha. Sooo what I've been thinking so far is that, OC would have the possibility to "climb up" from her job position of uinyeo into a title much higher, maybe even higher than the male physicians? And that would be the "favor" she'd ask jeonha. Maybe this way, she'd also get to establish her own clinic and serve their people! But idk how would this work and if this is what it is 🤷‍♀️🥴 haha

Buuut then again, I'm also not sure what this would have to do or change something about their relationship, in how would they be able to be together! What would she do? Either its not really that obvious yet (is it??) or I'm just a bit slow/dummy 🥴 haha. I am a bit confident it had something to do with her role as physician just like the queen said. Idk, maybe she'd also speak up too to those who underestimate her but I'm not sure how.

Can I also ask (if i may haha): is the answer (meaning, the thing OC would do or say) is a vague action (like an idea) oooor is it a specific action?

Gah! I'm so excited for the next one but also don't want to say goodbye as it gets closer! 😩 This is such a good chapter. It definitely gave me hope (but for sure later there'd be heart breaks again wahaha but damn it I'm a sucker for a good angst haha) although I'm not yet sure what she'd do, I'm definitely braver (lol🙃) to face what would happen next. Won't close my eyes for this one 'cause I can feel its a big change we don't wanna miss!

Thank you again for another good drabble! I also hope you'd get to take break whenever you need and that your wrist would feel much better! Please I hope you won't feel too pressured in writing these. Take your time as well. I hope you'd get to relax a bit despite/after writing these and with work too! 💟💟

- 🧇

omg PLS 3 times!!! ur the best. i'm so glad everything felt clearer because i really thought it'd be evident after this chapter but a lot of ppl are still confused FALKJSDAF im so sorry for the hearts i have broken.

hmmmm! you mean she'll use her title to set up a clinic outside the palace? it actually wouldnt be historically possible because of the misogynist social conventions ;; she couldn't hold a title higher than the male physicians, i am sorry to say. but... think about whether or not oc cares about titles at all. what does she really want to do, when it all comes down to it? 💞

to answer your question... id say its kind of both? LOOOOL im sorry. theres really no way to describe it. it's like a shift that will result in concrete action. the preview i posted (if you've read that) has a better answer for u!!

im glad you enjoyed the update 🤧🌹 its hurting me to say goodbye to these babies too but i have them for a little while longer!!! i'm finally formally working on the last chapter now and it's taking a lot out of me 🤧 thank u for ur kind wishes--my wrist has been improving and is almost fully back to normal i think. it's been a rough week, lol. benching and deadlifting were hard while trying to not put too much pressure on it. i will take breaks for sure !!! i just wanna get this series done before the year ends 🤣

[bonniearden]

(Thanks for clearing that up ^.^ i didn't mean to insinuate anything by it, just wanted to make sure I didn't make you uncomfortable before bursting into your asks~) //// On that note, would i be able to get a matchup? :) Im a gay trans man with long hair, on the slim side. I'm stubborn, wreckless, a bit of a hot-head and protective over the people I care about (which can put people off of me at first) but deep down i just want the best for everyone. I like to draw and write in my spare time~

Of course! Again, so sorry if I’ve been answering these requests slowly. Please stay safe out there, guys

I pair you with...

Arthur Morgan! 

Arthur Morgan won’t deny that he first saw you as a male rendition of Sadie, your recklessness and bold attitude--the shoot first, talk later demeanor--it seemed familiar, not something he witnessed very rarely in camp.

But being the unofficial enforcer of the gang, he also found himself subconsciously keeping you in line. And one of the actual few to do so. 

Arthur is a dangerous man. He’s an outlaw who’s been in such business for a long time, the man knows when and when not to use a headstrong approach. 

Now, he isn’t one to want to purposefully hold back a person, but he is one to ensure the people he knew stayed safe and very much alive. 

Arthur’s level-headedness helped keep you in check: he’s tough enough to advise against your brazen personality and easy enough to also step back and let you do your thing. 

Your dynamic remained like that at first, that fiery image is what he kept in his head for a while. 

Till he managed to catch you drawing and writing in your book, leaning against a tree. Looking relaxed, and not as rough as you did on the frontiers. 

For a moment, he saw himself in you.

Though he chose not to bother your privacy, he viewed you a bit differently after that, the longer you stayed in camp, the more your heart began to show. 

The more he began to notice and appreciate it.

With all the time Arthur spent worrying about you, he also began to realize how often you would look out for him as well--for everyone else really. 

When you weren’t charging headfirst into an O’Driscoll camp, you were going around asking if others needed help.

--and if there’s one thing Arthur could take a liking to, it was when he saw a good head on someone’s shoulders.

What he really got him though was when you surprised everyone with a few gifts and tokens. The gang had just gone through a streak of lucky victories, and you wanted to celebrate a little by giving.

To his surprise, Arthur received a new journal, tied in with a number of well-crafted pencils. 

“I noticed you were running out. I also like to write and draw in my spare time and I thought you might need them.” 

He was uncharacteristically speechless, a bit of a chuckling mess-- “I don’t--don’t quite know what to say. This is mighty kind of you,” A little pause, “You got a good head.”

That made you smile just slightly, “Not really. S’just... I wanted to thank you,”

 “For always watching my back.”

Arthur rarely received much appreciation for the muscle he pulls in camp, so it was refreshing to see someone who was attentive to everyone’s needs.

You began to get along well, if not better. Speaking more often, chiding each other more often. 

You drew together sometimes, not to mention, you were both a blushing mess when he finally showed you some of his work. You knew how personal his journal was. 

“Why does this duck look all messy?” 

“Was movin’ too much in the lake, couldn’t get a good look at it. I guess I got a bit frustrated after a while,” He chuckled.

“It chased you didn’t it?” 

“Sure, made a meal out of it too.”

“Pff-”

Everyone always pegged Arthur to be the protector of the camp. So, be still his heart, when you actually started to get protective over him. 

He thought he’d be put off by it, but some part of him actually held a deep and vulnerable regard for it. To know that someone cares and values what he does--to acknowledge that some part of him was actually worth protecting, worth something. 

Don’t get him wrong, you weren’t his savior, his beacon of light--no, you were his supporter. You didn’t ridicule him for sketching flowers and animals and sceneries. You didn’t ridicule him for his kindness. You were there for him, understanding his doubts and fears--because you worried for the camp as much as he did.

You were determined to stick by Arthur, always heeding him out when he would let his insecurities get the best of him. You were too stubborn to just let it slide.

“None of that talk now, I ain’t givin' up on you so don’t give up on yourself neither.” 

When he talked about wanting to better himself--how he felt as though the life he’s been living was wrong. You gripped his hand and told him that you believed in him. 

As time passed Arthur wanted to be the best version of himself, and you nudged him on as you went.   

In his previous relationships, Arthur was more so a giver than a taker, but his relationship with you felt more like growing something together. 

You confided in him when you felt angry, and he was there to help you see sense through it. 

You confided in him when you felt isolated or different or judged, and he would listen, empathize--try to understand in his own way. 

It was a very human, and unconditional relationship. Where you both ended up loving and accepting each other for who you are, and supporting what you both strived for.

Arthur would be reminded of you when he felt braver, less afraid. 

And he was.

[chickenfetus]

Hey! so I've been crushing on this girl for about 3 years, and I really wanna tell her I like her and ask her out but I'm terrified of damaging/ losing our 10 years of friendship :-( others have asked if we are dating because we are so close and she always denies it and makes it clear that we are just platonic friends. However, 5 months ago she messaged someone and told them that she liked me :o (She's also openly Bi) should I ask her out and risk losing everything or keep my feelings to myself?

HELloO!!! sorry im replying so late i was busy with schoolwork :^( also im really sorry if im replying Too late jhfghdggdhg 

just a disclaimer: i dont know how good/useful my advice will be because ive had positive experiences when i confessed to my crushes so it might differ !! 

more under cut!!

first of all, i think youre amazing?? the fact that youve had a crush on her for THREE years is ??? wrow u  r braver than any us marine and i think its sweet youve liked her for so long!! also!! its cool that you guys have been friends for TEN?? years???? and i can see why youre worried about confessing!!

i think the reason she denies it when ppl ask is bc well. its not true so its not like she can say Yeah We’re Dating dhhdjdh BUt it might also be for your sake?? mayhaps she doesnt want to make you uncomfortable bc she doesnt know how you feel!! so id say dont take to heart too much!

now for the most important part: confessing. i know its fuCKing scary to confess to someone, because you dont know how the other person will react but i believe that confessing is better than not doing anything at all 

for me, im someone whos confessed to almost all of my crushes, for girls, i make sure theyre not straight before confessing because GOD KNOWS how confessing to a straight  girl will end up lmao... frankly speaking none of my crushes actually liked me back long enough for us 2 start dating, and even if they did im afraid of relationships so nothing ever happened 

HOWEVER im still good friends with the two girls ive confessed to, and i think as someone who knows you very well, your friend won’t like. ghost you because thatd be terrible. of course i’d understand creating some distance for a short period of time if you confess but i doubt she’d stop talking to you forever, seeing as youve been friends for ten years!! 

its also a big plus that shes openly bi!!!! i dont rly know how she’ll react for sure, but despite that i’d say give it a shot! maybe confess first, before asking her out. see how she reacts first! i think anybody would be flattered that somebody likes them! !!! i wont touch on the her telling someone she likes you part because i dont know how reliable that information is.,, 

another thing -- dont get your hopes up. i know that part might’ve  given you some encouragement but remember, its been 5 months dont go confessing because you KNOW she likes you back, confess because you WANT her to know about your feelings. dont expect a relationship right after confessing, because how you react to her response matters!! naturally its okay to feel down bc she doesnt like u back but DONT say “i thought you liked me!” because thats placing expectations on your friend and it might make her feel guilty if you react really badly

though i trust that you know why you’re confessing to her !! i know you want to ask her out but let’s save that for after she’s responded and as much as possible try to hold the conversation in real life so you can observe her body language (but dont get too overly conscious of it!) 

go in with an open mind, and believe in her. she wouldn’t let this ruin your friendship and if she rejects you, own it. if she rejects you, give up on her, you spent three years pining for her, now you can move on after like. getting that closure?? 

OF COURSE if its requited then thatd be fantastic, and ill be happy for you!!! i wish you all the best, and hope all turns out in your favour! (be it she returns your feelings or the outcome of your friendship) 

if the friendship does get ruined, it wont be on you because its not like you can help who you fall for, and i think you’re once again, super brave for considering confessing!! 

tldr; dont keep your feelings to yourself, tell her! no matter what happens, it wont be as bad as you think!! have faith in yourself and her, in the event something doesn’t work out, don’t forget how you tried!! no regrets okay anon?? i love you and you’re amazing! if youve already confessed and asked her out, tell me how it went! 

ALSO if you would like more opinions on what to do,, you can ask my friend falen but shes on s/h so she might take some time to respond and idk how often she gets on tumblr nowadays but i have another friend chloe who could be of help too!! 

ALL THE BEST ANON!! you can do it!