#im very proud of his design idk why the hell i was so damn nervous about posting him

[cryptidofthekeys]

Spamton EX aka Devi

bkgfld;kfgdfs alright,, im posting him,, I probs forgot to re-edit and re-do some shit in the long run but if I did I’ll just,, clarify sometime later for now tho its time to stop letting my overthinking brain stop me from having fun bc Im,, genuinely proud of his design?? Felt like I was very wordy but,, I needed to be to fully describe this bastard

Anyways uh y’all finally get to see the lad!

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| Name: Devi 

| Nicknames: Dev/Devs, or Evi

| Gender: He/Him

| Age: Mid 30s/40s somewhere in there

| Height: 15ft

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| ‘Hair’ Color: It’s really just more fur in the shape of hair… But its color is black (he has a few gray streaks here and there, one that goes through the middle of his hair, and then gray on the sides) also his …er, fur-hair is p much a mullet

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| Eye Color: Cyber Green | he does wear the pink n yellow glasses tho and like og Spam you can see static in them sometimes, then they can go pitch black, and then the pink n yellow can swirl around but that’s uh hypnosis- don’t- don’t look at him when he’s doing this, it’s for your own good)

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| Skin Color/Body Type: He’s very large, like- he’s fat, I’ll say that- big man not only in height heh- and he’s also very strong too. Also his skin color,, well his face is p much just white but he’s got black fur going down his neck, in fact his entire body except for his arms are covered in fur.

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| Appearance: Oh this is going to be hell to describe but I’m gonna try my damnedest just,, bear with me p l e a s e- Okay, so I’ll start with the simplest things, he’s kind of a mixture between organic and non-organic for example his stomach, legs, and neck have the fur on it, the only difference is uh the neck fur that also goes up to his head and acts like a mullet was dyed black and the fluff all over his stomach and legs is white.

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His chest is just essentially like Sneo chestplate- which is where his arms come out of, and also in the middle of the chestplate is basically just a fucking b i g compartment like thingy, you can see the big heart behind glass almost like a display case situation.

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(the heart’s blue like all of them are, it’s got darker blue cracks, then its eyes are a swirling mix of Pink n Yellow, neon to be more specific, even its mouth is neon yellow and it’s got razor sharp teeth, pointed nose, ya know the usual) The chestplate is like weirdly,, built ONTO his body.

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I forgot gjhfkdgfjd the BIG heart is what you mainly see but in the back you can see about mm six sets of eyes and grins both on the left and right side of the main heart (Seven heart creatures in total if you include the main one)

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Then he wears a bright pink peacoat that he usually keeps unbuttoned around his chest (don’t wanna cover up the heart…s also don’t ask me how he gets it over the big shoulder pads that extend from the chestplate he just does)

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He wears pink and yellow pants over his legs (his face is just,, ya know, the puppet part …he's a weird lil freak to describe and also his hands are technically the puppet part as well but I’ll explain those in a bit)

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I should also say that his arms can stretch almost in a cartoony manner …But they do have their limits of course and finally he wears a pink high heel on the right foot and a yellow high heel on the left foot (the heels stretch all the way up to his knees btw)

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God,, the details are gonna be the death of me but I’m trying my best to explain what the fuck is in my head right now- Okay so uh, onto something I can actually handle, his right arm can actually slip back into the chestplate and then somehow change into the canon arm that Sneo has.

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His hands like I said are also the puppet parts much like his face, his fingers are just straight up claws, he has two sets of fangs both top and bottom (his teeth can retract though, otherwise he looks uh WAY more unapproachable and less friendly, can’t scare the customers off now can he?)

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He has a long tongue that’s prehensile (he can fuckin grab and hold shit with that thing, does it mostly just to be a lil shit and gross some people out) also has p much a five o’clock shadow on his face …I don’t care that he’s got a puppet face, mans got FACIAL HAIR and thats final-

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Btw Idk if I said this bc I’ve been all over the place but uh that lil glass holding the heart inside that compartment thingy,, uh it can open btw (Devi keeps it STRICTLY closed unless he needs some reinforcements to help him take care of someone that screwed him over or some shit but other than that, those things seem to have minds of their own.)

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They can be the most dangerous thing that I’d say Devi has bc those things will just bite or try to tear someone apart for no reason, Devi does have his ways of getting them to stop though, he threatens to button up his coat and cover them up which they seem to hate.

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Devi also has some really thick and large black eyebrows too (...its funny bc I think of that one audio where its like ‘what the hell are you doing’ ‘i am doing my eyebrows’ ‘that’s a big ass mirror’ ‘well I have BIG ASS EYEBROWS’) motherfuckers like damn caterpillars on his face

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I had another outfit idea for him and I am NOT going back to re-edit this shit, its already a fucking mess and I just hope you can understand this shit tbh I’m all over the place and I REALLY don’t mean to be I’m just trying to describe what my brain sees

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but the other outfit fits more with his computer vibes, and I might just state it here that this is his main outfit and the other is a secondary outfit, he likes to match his aesthetics ya know- but anyways- it's just like a long black coat with 1s and 0s on it and then neon cyber green pants and of course heels to match that outfit (one black, one neon cyber green)

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| Personality: Devi can be a gross bastard and sometimes be a bit of an asshole but deep down, when you get past his big shot, his hot shot attitude, that HUGE ego of his he’s actually very sweet, kind, and caring (if you can put up with his ego AND the bit of a God Complex he’s got) out of ALL the EXs out there, he is by far the LEAST murderous.

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I’m not saying he won’t hurt or kill because he ABSOLUTELY will if it means defending himself and or if you screw with him, you screw him over and he won’t hesitate to pull out that canon arm or better yet, let those feral lil hearts of his out to ‘play’ heh, he’s a scammer, a con artist who runs a PC Shop/Fixes up PCs for people essentially, he usually ‘fixes’ their PCs if ya know what I mean. (He doesn’t do it too much or to the same person of course, can’t let ‘em catch on ya know?)

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He also builds ‘em, he KNOWS the ins and outs of a computer v e r y damn well, he’s the most skilled in his area and the one everyone HAS to come to, even if they are intimidated by his height alone (...not the only thing SOME are intimidated by but uh, I have to keep that info redacted) he’s a HUGE flirt, he flirts with anyone and everyone (unless they tell him to stop, he respects those kinds of boundaries ya know?)

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He can’t take any flirting, compliments, etc thrown back though if he loves said person that he’s flirting with, with anyone else he can p much just laugh and say something along the lines of “OH YA W I S H YOU COULD BE WITH A REAL [[BIG SHOT]] LIKE ME DON’T’CHA, BABES~?” but if it's the one he fell in love with? He will fucking MELT, his face will turn bright red and you’ll see him let off steam, no- literally- like one of those funky lil cartoons.

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Another way to tell he’s sweet on ya is if he actually fixes your PC and nothing goes wrong with it, like if he actually fixes it- And hell, he’ll even do something he’d NEVER do for just anyone 1: Either give you an actual discount or 2: literally if he sees your PC is a bit… Outta style, outta date- with your approval of course he will genuinely build you a new computer, free of charge and don’t worry about any files from your old, he’ll take care of it.

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Devi might be an asshole who needs vibes checked but, deep down he’s good, he really is sweet, caring- and if he loves you, hell even if he just likes ya well enough to be pals, friends- well you’re in good hands for sure, he’ll treat you well.

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| Side Facts: Devi loves to make games and or SFM type animations in his spare time but shares his work with nobody, he’s actually very self conscious of his work so if he does share it with you? Friend or Lover? That is an INCREDIBLE amount of trust he has for you and that’s a very rare thing bc Devi doesn’t trust mm many,, at all- Has his fears and anxieties, doesn’t seem to like the subject of betrayal or anything like that.

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…Don’t mention the Addisons around him btw, he’ll get REALLY angry and pissy, if your his friend/lover he’ll TRY to keep cool but if you keep pushing his buttons well he might snap at you anyways but for the most part he’ll just be like

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“SWEET’EART… [P l e a s e  S t o p] BRINGIN’ THAT UP… BRINGING… [T h e m] UP, I DON’T WANNA TALK ‘BOUT ‘EM” he’ll try to ask nicely and politely for ya to stop, its best to leave well enough alone ya know? …Very specifically,, uh- He gets WAY more angry if Pink’s brought up but he seems less angry if Blue’s brought up, maybe even a lil… Sad.

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Devi’s fave kinda games to make are open world sandbox-esque games, rhythm games, and even platformers, he loves to play games too, especially classic games- …Also he makes mods for games out there too (he’s got an account that doesn’t link to him at all, he wants to make sure nobody finds that out) but here’s where the lil shit side of him comes to play (cause he is such a fucking shithead) he can make genuine mods.

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Like GENUINELY good mods for games but then he can make the most cursed and stupidest shit, like think of that Stardew mod, the grandpa IS the bed mod- yeah, shit like that to make people just go wtf, w h y? For WHAT reason? …Hell, he’ll even mod rhythm sections into games that REALLY don’t need them at all, and he WON’T make them optional (and he even adds cryptic titles to some of his mods just like ‘Have fun ;)’

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Devi is very touch starved tbh, he loves to give and receive affection from the beloved, he loves belly rubs (not,, in a weird sorta way) it just feels nice on his fluff ya know? Hell he likes being petted, scritches, etc- He might crush you in a hug if not careful though, gotta give him a gentle reminder bout them hugs...

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Cause sometimes he forgets how strong he REALLY can be compared to most Darkners and Lightners, also if he doesn’t crush you, you’ll sink into that plush fur of his (DON’T SUCCUMB TO THE FLUFF, DON’T SUCCUMB TO THE FLUFF, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T SINK IN, YOU’LL BE LOST FOREVER)

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Devi loves to cuddle very much so, will place you on his stomach if you two fall asleep together, doesn’t trust himself if you just lay beside him to not roll over and he would be fucking DEVASTATED if he crushed you or hurt you, he’d never forgive himself…

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Also whenever Devi grins, his teeth tend to pop out- it’s something he can’t help so just keep that in mind if ya hear a strange noise from him but also if you don’t mind them, if you’re not scared of his fangs n shit he’ll let them stay out regardless around you (lmao look at this how to train your dragon lookin ass)

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Devi is Pansexual, doesn’t care about gender, if he loves ya- he loves ya, wants to marry you? Y e s, gender is a irrelevant to him in these regards, love is love-

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Devs can be VERY overprotective and if you need him to, just say the word- he’ll kill for ya- like when I say LEAST murderous EX I mean in the fact that he doesn’t kill for FUN, he doesn’t get any joy or fun outta killing or anything like that- but if someone’s messing with ya? “Well don’t ya [Why Worry?!] sweet’eart, Devi’ll [Takin’ care of business] for ya!” …You don’t want him to? Okay, he’ll back off as per your want …But, uh behind your back or when you’re not looking he’ll scare the shit out of them at the VERY least (it depends on what they did…)

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And if they did or said some real bad shit? …Well there’ll be some missing posters around but he’ll deny he had anything to do with that, he does this out of love- I swear, he’s just very overprotective and wants to keep you safe and sound and it means bustin’ a few heads? ...Well he won’t hesitate ...Bitch.

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Btw the hearts, the big heart and then the six little ones- feral as shit, rip and t e a r!!! They are the most bloodthirsty part but they are sentient, their own beings in a weird sorta way- or at least, they have their own mind- Devi makes sure they don’t get outta hand though, he threatens to button up his coat and block their view of the outside world …Which they take seriously, almost seeming scared even.

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Whether it be friends or lovers- the hearts will be more okay with you if a friend, they’ll get along with you just like Devi does, if lovers (in fact you’ll notice if their out, they’ll blush along with him) granted he’ll be EXTREMELY nervous and absolutely refusing if you want him to let them out to get a better look at them, he’ll try to work around it, make some kinda, ANY kinda deal, but eventually he’ll relent if your persistent- but to his surprise they won’t hurt you at all.

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In fact, they’ll even wrap around you which scares the shit out of Devi the first time around and he almost tries to grab them and shove them back in before he notices their not hurting you, they are just giving you gentle nose nuzzles and making little kissy sounds at you which surprises the absolute hell out of him, he’s only EVER seen those lil shitheads be aggressive n mean.

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Only downside is they’ll be v e r y aggressive and possessive with anyone else who tries to get close to you, they’ll hiss and or growl or even snarl. …Devi will try to keep them sorted out though (even tho technically speaking he does get a wee bit jealous and protective if he sees someone getting too close to you for his liking)

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Likewise, Devi does get jealous, oh he does even though he’ll deny it and take that denial to his fucking grave, he just doesn’t like anyone that he deems getting a bit too close to you for comfort but likewise if you tell him to relax and or to back off, he will stop, he doesn’t wanna upset ya or anything like that (its not that he doesn’t trust you or some weird shit like that, it actually just plays into a fear/insecurity of his so OOF)

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Btw,, I forgot to add, he has another pair of glasses aside from the Pink n Yellow ones that he’ll usually wear to match his computery-esque outfit, it's a pair of Black n Green tinted cat eye sunglasses.

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Also bc I cut a lotta shit out of this version that I didn’t feel comfy with sharing,, I think I forgot to add his lil tail in? A fluffy stubby tail that he has, he doesn’t like letting anyone see it, cause he ain’t cute! He’s big n tough, and he’ll kick your ass ...(not really) there’s a lotta shit that got cut out and just edited down to keep it as simple as I could.

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Idk if I added this, sorry if I add more of the same shit in I just don’t fully remember what shit I cut out and didn’t but Devi does v e r y much love his cigars, he smokes not only to help calm his nerves but also just smokes because he enjoys it, also enjoys being a goddamn asshole and blowing smoke in people’s faces ...Sometimes.

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Devi’s shop is of course located in Cyber City (I do not have a name for his funky lil pc shop or anything, listen y’all I am s o bad with naming things, im very lucky my EX got an actual name)

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Speaking of EXs, Devi has never canonically met another EX but he knows there’s others like him out there, he does know they exist, he’s never gotten the chance to meet one but he’s neutral on the matter, if he meets one he does, if he doesn’t, oh well ....Secretly thinks about what that’d be like and just how weird it’d be to see another EX.

[seedleaflesssapling]

Ver 2.0? Turning Point?

I can't really identify to which point in my life that i started to doubt myself but im pretty sure that it was because of UP. Damn, that school, my uni. It do really have the ability to make you feel small; i was in a disadvantaged side when i entered it, you know. I was acquainted, no we did not really talked one-on-one, but i heard when we did introductions - Pisay, UP High, science comprehensive schools, Xavier University, who wouldn't be intimidated by that when you came from Col. Ruperto Abellon National School (who would know where that is? I was lucky enough for a teacher recognized it and my classmates be like 'ahhhhhh,' .....really?! I dont even know where xavier is, it just sounds cool). Another thing is that, i wasn't a stem shs graduate - a leverage(?) or excuse (?) that i always use for them to know that i am at disadvantaged side here, not their competitor, probably a NOBODY. They, being stem graduates, have capstone projects you never thought that they have at that age, but i would hear them saying that it was publish in this journal (whatever, idk the journals lmao, i dont even understand their studies 2nd lmao, but that was some smart shit you know, a shit that makes me feel pathetic for being too proud of my what? Correlational study from inconsistent surveys?!!! Wtf, wtf, wtf). But it was a very good peer pressure you know, i kinda turned it that way. Being left behind, being on the rock bottom, i have no other place to go but up. It wasn't the goal, like making or taking the top spot, i just need to survive.

Inevitably, the exams came. I had hard time adjusting chem but math was kind to me. Who would have thought that i would get two 1.0 at my math subjects for the first semester, the sem that i thought i would barely pass. I was even a CS for that sem. Who would have thought? Our first chemical engineering subject that involves computations was on the list the next semester and the first exam, out of 100 i got something like 20ish. WTF. THAT WAS MY FIRST FAILED EXAM. but no, never did cry but tears were flooding inside. So apparently, i have to focus more on this subject and i did. Some were still failing, but i raised my average up. We also had physics, my first ever physics. I really love physics that time or that sir rommel is just a very good professor. I got the highest score on our second LE, everybody else did fail. Small victories. Not that they lose, but i just won. But i heard one time they were talking about me re: passing the physics exam and even getting a high score. They were uhm.. a guy i really look up to cause his good, the other was a girl that idk but i think she didn't like me back then. They were friends but eventually the girl transferred uni because who cares why. i heard the guy saying something like sin.o gid na si franklin nga taas iya score man, maybe even worse than that, i still look up to the guy even until now. But wtf. I really took it in that time, like i wanted to cry but did not. With all that, i got a fair grade at physics. I still got 1.0 at maths that sem and even maintained being on the CS list. S M I L E. BECAUSE WE HAVE A MIDYEAR CLASS. VERY EXHAUSTING FOR SOMEONE WHO DONT WANT ANYTHING BUT JUST ADJUST, SURVIVE, AND FIND MEANING OF BEING A UP STUDENT. It was just one subject and it was math, but i got 2.0?!!! I have no excuse to that, i am very grateful for the family who accommodated me. After midyear class, i did got sick, it sucks, really sucks. I wanted to file an LOA for the next academic year, it is the only thing i can think of for me to go back on track (i haven't said that my parents pushed me to graduate with latin honor and i wanted to also for my resume to look good because everything else in me is effed up). I really wanted to pause and be free for a while but i also wanted to graduate on time (mostly because i want to give the bitches who dared to have expectations be put on my shoulders not the satisfaction, but the audacity to tell them 'i aint did it for ya') so i asked mama. THANK GOD, SHE DID SAY NA KUNG ANO LANG KAYA MO, AMO LANG DA IH 😭😭🤧🤧 so i enrolled, but went to school late, haven't attended the school opening but all is good. I did kind of reset, just enough for me to face school again.

Second year, it was fucked. I did really love coding on octave and doing sheets at ms excel though. On that year, we have formed the che 103 bagsak group. Together with two of my classmates on 103 and math 55, we became buddies after failing che 103 on the first LE, another 30 over 100 exam hahahahaha. We made bawi just enough for us to pass the subject hahahahahuhu. I have thermodynamics sub, i barely pass. Thank G na wala ko nag removal. If ever i did, i am so sure that i wont make it. My GWA for that sem was not enough for me to be a CS. Who cares? I still did, actually but mama was never been too pushy since then, even since after midyear, after getting that 2.0 grade from the only subject i am good at. Btw, my math 55 for first sem, second year, was 1.25. Not a 1.0 but still, it's good. Second semester that year was when pandemic hit so there's nothing much to tell. I was, sorry but i was really, glad to be away from school for a while, not until for a while became forever. Virtual university set-up was very hard. With too much from taking in whatever i see and hear on my surroundings, even just at home, everything is difficult. It is very hard to find motivation and discipline in studying when i was surrounded with people who do nothing. Even to this point i am writing, everyday is like a battle, but is mostly an internal one. Self vs self, a war no one knows who will win. So the confidence, the tower of knowledge i did build, exponentially went down. I did really well when i was in grade 10, i did my best that time and it can be seen at the achievements i had that year. Being consistently on top 1 the whole year, placing second on division MMC (even getting the highest score on the written elimination round for the whole cluster), doing well sa physics under maam andico, placings on cluster journalism competitions - it was like a record best, best record (?) Whatever. But it wasn't enough you know, i eventually came fourth like wtf. I had read from somewhere Newton saying like the two years when he did write the three laws of motion and the calculus stuff were the two best years of his life, and it kept me thinking that what if mine already passed? That it was when i was in high school?

But, back when i was in school, every time that i was belittling myself or even at random times that i would feel nervous for nothing, my classmates and close friends would say na:

Uno mo man ang Math, uno mo na na (it was a one or two time thing, what if chamba lang to???)

Ikaw man highest sa first le sa thermo (it was really an absolutely one time thing, i barely passed that sub)

Alam ka man sa physics (i was just invested on physics and maybe nachambahan lang na ang ginpractice ko solve kay parallel sa exam ni sir)

Alam ka, d ka lang confident (OKAY???!)

I was ignoring those shit cause who cares if i did really good that time. Yeah, it felt good but it wasn't fulfilling. Satisfied but not happy. But with recent events, i think i would be changing. This post will be a written contract that i will push to be better, to start trusting myself, and build that confidence glow behind me; to believe that i am bright and i can hack it, whatever it may be.

For coherence, i would itemize na lang all of the events that brought me to epiphany lol

It was Friday, 17 Sep, when Dean, in our plant design subject, gave an activity for us - to come up with solutions that would address problems he presented. 1 off grid island community (either you address the water, electricity, and phone reception/signal problem under a 100k budget) and 2 vinegar packaging with a 500 mL volume and should cost less than the cost of vinegar. The due's on Monday, 20 Sep. The challenge is that you should come up with an idea that is not the same with those who already turned in their proposed solutions. I haven't turned in mine until Sunday afternoon. We are 23 in class, hence there should be 23 proposed solutions for each problem. However, only 20 or 21 turned in their solutions and as a student who decided to do it three days after the sheet was given, i was at the second to the last of the entries hahaha. I have limited choice since a lot have been proposed. And ngl, i did entered my idea for the first problem at Sunday evening and for the second problem it was on the afternoon of the next day. Those were basic solutions cause who am I? Am just your basic guy.

Tuesday, 21 Sep (#NeverForget #NeverAgain), class again for plant design (PD). Dean discussed stuffs which im ngl, i did not listen because im bored (not until he said 'we'll have a 5-min break and we'll have a quiz after that' like wtf, how will we do our quiz???!). After the short break, I did study cause i panicked as hell, he presented the prospects of the course, that we will be divided in groups and that the leaders were chosen based on the solutions they turned in the activity previously given. So there's no quiz, i was calm the whole time after that until my name was called. Like wtf??! Your basic guy will be a leader???! Hello!!! So i chat people, asked them if it was a good thing (course it was!!!? So dumb right?!). And then, i asked another leader and she agreed to my argument that we should only be divided into six instead of seven as what dean has decided. So i chatted dean (pic below). I just accepted the role half-heartedly.

As leaders, we should be hiring people for our team and we should make pubs. I dont have a canva account to help me do pubs. I made mine at MS ppt HAHAHAHAHAHA but im good so its cute. We were assigned with projects and i get to have the 4-member team. The vacant roles were project maven and liaison officer for a 3-member team. In my pubs, i included scrummaster as position to be filled, cause who am i to lead?! So yeah, that's it. I did the pubs Wednesday and I submitted my resume Thursday (third to the last hahahaha but my resume's cute hahaha).

Thursday. So i had this invite by a classmate to join the Shell event long time ago. He was reaching out for someone to ask Dean for his approval because Dean did not replied to the email he sent. So, i volunteered. I really want this competition cause this will be my first and maybe last competition as a UP student. So i DMed dean and blah blah blah he asked for selection process. I relayed the message and apologize to them for being me because i was thinking that it was me who made him come up with the decision of having the team be selected. Like, wtf i was just asking for his approval. Getting kicked out of the team was not my intention. Those whom i chatted that night were telling me that it wasn't my fault blah blah blah. So i half-heartedly agreed to them.

Friday came, yesterday, the interview. I am very anxious for someone who will be the one asking the applicants lmao. I already have been interviewed before for college applications and somehow remember the feeling, nerve wracking, whatever. To calm my nerves, i listed questions which i never got to ask properly btw, but at least i have concrete ideas on what to ask. The first interviewee was my very closed friend and so we just laugh and laugh and laugh HAHAHAHAHA. IDK if dean saw it but who cares. And the next and next and next. 3:30 passed by fast and guess what??? YOUR BASIC GUY HAS THE MOST NUMBER OF APPLICANTS TO THE POINT THAT DEAN CUT MY LIST. IT WAS EXHAUSTING BUT VERY FLATTERING. I FEEL SO HONORED. i really thought and very scared at the thought that no one will apply to me but wtf, just wtf. Ranking my applicants was damn hard. 1 i have a dream team but one was cut by dean; 2 this could make my friends mad; 3 this will be the group for the whole year; 4 i am really exhausted. But still, i submitted the list. I was hoping for the people i chose to choose me back. Only two out of three did, i am forever grateful.

Still on Friday, the classmate who invited me to the Shell thing and Dean had a zoom call and discussed about the competition. That classmate told dean what i told him the other day that i might be the reason for the decision of having the selection process done. He told me this through a voice memo, katamad daw magtype. A voice message that i played over and over again. Dean actually find me interesting (?), Invested (?) Idk exactly but the classmate told me na 'may nakikita daw talaga sya sayo. Na grabe ka ka-practical as a person like yung ideas mo daw sa plant design napakasimple lang pero napaka practical to the point daw na madami nag apply sayo kanina. And then, you need more confidence lang daw talaga' so ig, you basic guy is a practical guy now. It's just flattering.

Now, whatever happens, i must meet those expectations right? This could be a lousy motivation but what is if there's none? I dont know why im writing this. I just thought i should get my thoughts out. Ver 2.0? Turning point? Let's just do good 😌

PS I put this on my bio on FB, guess im getting more public, and if you happened to read this because you saw the link on my bio, send me a message about you thoughts.

PPS if your initials are JTZC, these have been my week and i miss you even though you're not interested in me anymore, you are hard to forget