#immortal fears chapter 4. its like 1/3 done and i have an outline i can finish it easy

[the-kipsabian]

okay but if i make a list of things i want to get done this week can someone hold me responsible to it tho

[tripstaysnoided]

Flow Just Like Water

Story and writing-related transparency update and my many shames...

The Question on Everyone’s Mind

“Hey you haven’t updated No Stars over Uptown in almost a year...”

Hmm, I hate it when you’re right. (This section has been rewritten ad-nauseam to curb back the bitchiness by the way)

So back in early/mid 2018, the idea was to divorce Uptown from a person who influenced it (and myself) heavily. She was my most important audience member, the closest friend I ever had, and unfortunately someone who used her power to bully, ostracize, and hurt others with my help. I cut contact when the hurt + some self-awareness finally reached me. Apologies were made and I feel like my work will never be done with it, but there was still Uptown.

Between censored comments, entirely recasting Axel’s save, different plot threads, and a load of disclaimers, there was nothing that would scrub her influence from the story. There was no way to cleanly drop everything because of how deep her influence went. It disgusted me to look back at it, and I had to private the blog because I feared what it endorsed, even if just in the past.

I pulled back from that sims writing community. I had its main thread on the Official Forums removed too (I guess if that was a mystery to anyone). It was a surrender that I never wanted to do, but I had it in my mind that if I was gone, then she wouldn’t be there either. Uptown became this cursed item, and as I quietly retired it, I noticed that she went quieter too. Not gone, but enough to make me sleep easier at night and even occasionally say hello to old friends.

And I hope deep in my heart that no one else is getting hurt in my place, but now this is gonna haunt me all day huh!

The two paths forward...

1) Complete Uptown rewrite that I’ve been threatening everyone with all year. While it won’t ever be clean because I can’t undo time, I do have a sound outline for a story that is much more true to my actual vision and how I’ve evolved, with a few necessary boundaries in place that are going to be there for all stories moving forward: no more casting calls and no more collaborative efforts. I am not going to open myself up to this happening again, even if the people have changed.

2) Same as above, but I continue the original Uptown as a favor to loyal readers alongside the rewrite. I would try to put the effort into it that I initially did, but with no promises on an update schedule and no advertising. I did ask myself “is there Patreon but without pledging money, just the private posts function” but it could operate as part of a private forum, a members-only part of a website, etc.

Also readers of the original would be beholden to a rule of “don’t spoil the rewrite for new readers, c’mon guys”. I mean, not really, but it is a good courtesy to extend to people.

Priority on this isn’t high but you at least will see what is!

I will probably make the blog public again either way due to the many broken links on my Tumblr but we’ll see. There are other things to deal with as I shall list!

Where Life’s Been Regardless

Been spending more time with my grandpa every weekend. Life’s pretty good and he’s warming up to my dogs.

Shiny New Webbed Site

Cucumber Fields Forever is a site I own now. We have a full domain, cucumberfieldsforever.com, a blog with one post, and the framework needed to host stories the way I want to and still through WordPress. The functionality of likes, comments, and following should still be the same but you know...I’ll take feedback too...

The main blog still has an undefined purpose though I do have drafts sitting around about:

The maybe/maybe not hoax band that was on the Metal Archives and the history of Funeral Doom Metal.

The curious case of when Sims 4 babies get their genetics and my only collaboration (read: was talking about it with a friend and might quote her if needed, it’s actually a bit of a doozy)

Amazon.com’s fake dried udon noodles, an actual issue by the way.

Things I’m reading! (This’d be a monthly feature if so)

For the sake of unity, I am thinking of solutions for hosting old and shameful content there including Uptown and for the real fans in my followers feed, Eight Cicadas...a world I totally have plans for too (not really). I don’t want them to be front-and-center, and that’s why I mentioned forums/members-only content. I finally have that power! Maybe.

Ooooh but what are the costs? Not too much to handle, that’s what. 😉 (Like really, I don’t need any hand-wringing about this, I can manage my finances)

Project Queue (In Order of Confirmedness)

Outrun the Scythe: have you seen me post out-of-context Sims 3 pictures? Did you want more? Did you hope it was Linda in Custody? If the answers are yes, yes, and “meh, whatever you want”, then you’re in luck.

Outrun the Scythe is a Sims 3-based tale of a young gay man and his zombie grandma, as they are both offered separate roles of being the undying intermediaries between the world of humans and the influence of a race of space daemons. It’s pretty familiar if you’ve been following me pre-Uptown, taking some cues from stories I’ve kept under lock and key like Eight Cicadas, The Chains of Lyra, and the not-so-locked-up Ironstar Immortals (of which Outrun is just the direct sequel to sans any retconning...ah the smell of early 2013 and performative heterosexuality)

Ah, back to my roots.

It’s a hybrid of gameplay, story, and lore about my little race of daemons with a lot of my own idiosyncrasies that I’m not really ashamed of: basing it off a super-polarizing Sims 3 challenge from a site I moderate, using a lot of EA’s pre-made townies and their genes, lots of unnecessary posemaking, stupid references. It’s a comfort to have in my roster.

While the first few chapters are in the middle of revision, I have around six in the queue and will be making this public when I have ten. I’m guessing December then?

Undocumented Black Widow Challenge: I just did this for fun/forum kudos (yes, in fact I have joined many forums), there was going to be a short story but it was quickly becoming something against my code of ethics. I mean, sims die and all. (read: I had to choose between “heterosexual widow” and “widow with some same-sex marriages that still end in tragedy, reinforcing negative stereotypes to the public for the sake of me not getting bored and detached during gameplay” so there were no good choices. Except for her affair with the mailwoman, 10/10) I hope to finish this before October ends and get my medal on Boolprop, I’m pretty far through it all. I might upload the sims involved anyways. This is for TS4.

I mentioned it because it’s keeping me busy. But not for long!

NaNoWriMo 2020: Dipping my toes into that again! It’s not sims-related, just a tale of lesbians, nosy neighbors, a haunted beach house, and some light murder and kidnapping. And I actually got my brother to scout out locations for me this weekend. If there’s any demand, I can share chapters as the rough drafts are finished, especially for the sake of proofreading.

Not saying I’m publishable, but wouldn’t it be nice? Will keep me occupied for much of November.

Untitled “Dear Diary” Challenge: Tired of feeling left out of the fun on the Boolprop forums, their “Dear Diary” challenge was the one that appealed to me the most on first glance. Why? Probably once I found an idea that let it be set in the early/mid-2000′s to begin with and explore some interesting characters through diary entries (which I have mixed feelings on as a literary device but I think that’s just me saying “well I didn’t like Dracula”, yes you get bonus points for writing it like a diary)

Also writing is the one skill I’m good at across multiple games. Wanna hear me bitch about the cooking skill tree in TS4 or riding in TS3? I’ll spare you.

I guess I could have included “spending time on Boolprop with old and new friends” in where my life has been. It’s a nice lil community if also a place with its own idiosyncrasies as well. So it doesn’t feel like I’m promoting another community if/when I make a thread there for Outrun the Scythe, I want to have a couple chapters of this ready to go by Outrun’s release, though it’s not gonna be the highest priority compared to it nor as long because I think I can blast through the gameplay quickly.

This one will be played in TS4 due to it having the easiest writing skill/I dunno variety is the spice of life. And hopefully another December release.

Defunded or Forgotten?: Oh shit I actually released stuff in 2020 and told no one? I do have a “mortifying ordeal of being known” sinking feeling whenever I get a site hit because it’s not my best work (but good enough) and veered sharply into issues I may be over my head in, though I try to be a good noodle with research and listening. Maybe hiding is bad after all.

Being based off a very flawed and incomplete Sims 3 challenge I found in the annals of the Official Forums, there’s a lot of behind-the-scenes work just making sense of things. And I’m scared of working on reconstructing the house but I haven’t abandoned the project yet. The story has eight chapters so far and is pretty game-based with some additions here and there. Scared of how long it could be though!

Date for this unknown.

Untitled Sunlit Tides Decadynasty: another year-long abandoned TS3 project with a much stupider reason why. Last update was about Hua getting ready for her wedding, and I wanted to do some poses for a bait-and-switch wedding chapter because to put it mildly, her real one was an absolute disaster.

Blender decided to fuck up its interface again, I got discouraged (this probably does account for some of the Uptown delays too), and when I decided to plow forward, it was for other projects instead.

Meanwhile I played all the way to Gen 5′s teenhood and the only thing stopping me is time (it takes almost 30 minutes to load the file right now, though they’ll be looking at moving towns in a couple gens) and maybe fear of the Logic skill.

Date for this also unknown but it’s easy to pump out updates once I’m in the groove for it. My third heir had a difficult life so maybe I’m just trying to bury it.

Also I just noticed the view count there was really good and probably because I linked it here on Tumblr last year. Thank you so much guys. I can’t really fret over views on Carl’s forum these days thanks to the years-long death spiral pretty much every forum anywhere has been riding on. But it’s a nice surprise. And it’s an alright little challenge recap to read during your lunch break or whatever.

The Wawas

I figured I’d end on the real news everyone wants! Both the chihuahuas are a year and a half now and reached their adult size around a year ago. For the most part, they are happy and healthy dogs.

[youllallriseintheink]

Breaking the Timeloop, chapter 1: Henry, this is Henry

Thanks for showing support for this, guys. I hope you like it. The first chapter mostly outlines the “laws” of this fic’s universe, which are based on popular Reddit theories of the time. They’re outdated now, but made for a nice story.

---

Henry Stein stepped into Joey Drew Studios, apprehensive as to what he might find. Returning to the studio had seemed like such a small favor to make his ex-business partner and old friend happy. Joey Drew had seemed so remorseful, and so much calmer and kinder than he had been back then. Still, as soon as Henry was staring down the studio's halls, lifeless and decaying  but otherwise unchanged, he was reminded of the time he'd spent working in them. In those years, Joey Drew had shown an ugly, selfish, twisted side of himself to Henry. One that Henry had all but forgotten about. Who knew what he'd wanted from having Henry return?

 With a start, Henry realized that he was holding two objects in his hand, neither of which he recalled bringing in: a strange, hand-mirror shaped instrument, and a book with the words, READ IMMEDIATELY written large in ink over the entire expanse of the cover. Henry obeyed the text.

Henry? This is Henry. This'll come as a surprise, but you're stuck in a time loop, buddy. You seem to lose your memory every few loops. After a few hundred loops, though, I figured that out and started this journal. This way, you can learn from my mistakes and hopefully have a better chance of getting out of here.

I don't know why I'm here. That makes it pretty difficult to guess what needs to be done to get out. My best guess is that Joey Drew put me in this time loop so that I could fix his mess. Keep your eyes out for any indication that this is not the case, but for now, focus on trying to save as many people as possible.

Follow these rules:

1. Write down anything significant you learn. If you end up in Joey Drew's apartment, write everything you need to down, because it'll be your last chance to do so before a new loop begins.

2. Don't be afraid to die. This time loop effectively makes you immortal. Take risks to experiment.

3. Protect this book at all costs. When Joey Drew sends you back into the studio at the end of a loop, transfer it and the seeing tool to your right hand to ensure it will be preserved.

The next page contains a table of contents. This page contains a list of the creatures you'll encounter. Please read it.

Ink creatures in general

Each ink creature was either made with a soul, or took on an imprint. The ones with souls hold the memories of the people they once were. I'll start with the ones with souls.

Sammy Lawrence

Yeah, that Sammy Lawrence. Sorry, bud, but you had to learn sometime that Joey created a real tragedy. Sammy isn't your chipper, if easily annoyed old friend anymore. He's an ink-covered loon who worships Bendy (who I'll get to later) to the point where he's willing to use you as a human sacrifice. He mostly lurks in the first basement floor and second to lowest floor of the studio. However, since he worships the ink demon, he can be anywhere instead of hiding away from him as most ink creatures do. Bendy is still malicious to him occasionally, however. He's almost invariably malicious at first, but there are ways of saving him. See pages 34, 52, and 57 for how to befriend him. He's a powerful ally as he runs a cult of lost ones and searchers. Times befriended: 63/584 (since I started counting) Times killed: 311/584

Susie Campbell/Alice Angel (scarred)

Susie Campbell's soul was transferred into an Alice Angel clone. Be extremely careful around her, as she is capricious and has no qualms with murder. She is mostly found on the ninth floor, where she has a fairly significant portion of the studio sealed up to protect herself from the ink demon. She has access to a lot of machinery in there, and can control the elevator to some extent. Don't fall into her web-she has arguably adapted to surviving and protecting herself here better than anyone. She can also be found on level S. Do not use the elevator unless she either hasn't met you, or is dead. Be especially wary of her if you're traveling with a Boris. She kills them to use their organs. For how to befriend her, go to page 78. For ways to kill her, go to pages 7, 12, and 21.

Times befriended: 3/584

Times killed: 105/584

The Projectionist

A mechanical creature containing the soul of Norman Polk. He shows no signs of sapience. I never liked the guy, but he didn't deserve this. He likes dark areas, but he can be found anywhere because he doesn't have the sense to beware the ink demon. You'll know him when you see him, and when you do, run. There are ways to kill him, though: see page 54.

Times befriended:     /584

Times killed: 9/584

Bertrum Piedmont

Apparently, after I left the company, Joey tried to make a Bendy-themed amusement park which never got off the ground, and enlisted in this guy's help. They were always at each other's throats, and after they were done doing business together, Joey put his soul in an amusement park ride resting in a storage room for all the other unused Bendyland equipment. You'll know it when you see it. Unfortunately, he always mistakes me for Joey Drew, and that makes him almost impossible to befriend: he thinks it's just Joey being a manipulative liar. You must debilitate him before even attempting to befriend him-there is one very specific way to do so. For how to kill him, see page 4. For how to debilitate and befriend, see page 49.

Times befriended: 69/584

Times killed: 415/584

Lacie Benton and Grant Cohen

By using the seeing tool, I have detected their names on coffins. These same coffins hold the corpses of the others that were killed. It doesn't take a genius to connect the dots. At least one of them is a Lost One, it would seem, as at least one Lost One can talk and remembers its name. Lacie worked for Bertrum. She was probably killed because she was suspicious of Bertrum's whereabouts, but that's speculation. Grant Cohen was likely killed so that Joey could keep the company's financial matters secret.

Alright, now onto the soulless creatures. You probably can't save these, but they can still seriously help or hinder your quest.

Butcher Gang Members

Kill on sight. They have no signs of sapience and are invariably malicious. There are many copies of them.

Boris (perfect)

Almost invariably benevolent. The time spent with him (generally in his safehouse on the second basement floor) is like time spent with family. Down here, that kind of moral support is scarce and invaluable. However, he can be a serious liability if you run into the scarred Alice Angel. If that happens, keep him away from her at all costs. If she does get him, well, try to remember that he doesn't really have a soul. Just an imprint, seemingly of Wally Franks (laid-back, goofy, friendly, weak-willed, etc.) Though, that doesn't seem to keep him from feeling a fondness for me, or from feeling pain. I'm sorry Henry, but you're often gonna have to kill your dog. Alice hulks him up and turns him against you. For how to kill, see page 4.

Times befriended: 437/584

Times killed: 239/584

Alice Angel (unscarred)

She lives on the second-to-lowest level of the studio with a Boris clone she calls "Tom." She's generally benevolent. I suggest you recruit her early, as her combat skills can really come in handy, and, as I've mentioned, good company is scarce. When you meet her, show her your seeing tool. She has a tendency of thinking of you as some sort of savior, but she sees the seeing tool as some kind of proof of that. Her imprint could honestly be of anyone, but she's calmer than I ever knew Susie to be and has a rather feminine personality, so I'm going to guess it's Allison Pendle, who was hired to replace Susie as Alice's voice actress. For how to kill her, go to page 63.

Times befriended: 289/584

Times killed: 38/584

"Tom" Boris

Tom is a very distrustful, hardened Boris clone. He is often the main obstacle to befriending Alice. Sometimes, he can even convince her to imprison you. He is very useful in combat and situations involving strength, however. Don't try to befriend him: befriend Alice, and she'll convince him. And whatever you do, don't harm her, or look like you might harm her, in front of him. By his personality, he seems to have the imprint of Thomas Connor.

Times befriended: 260/584

Times killed: 38/584

Lost Ones and Searchers

Can't lie, don't know what these are. Some are malicious, some aren't. At least one can speak, most can't. By the same token, only a couple seem to have their own personality. I don't know if they have souls or not. I just know that when I am engulfed in the ink, I can hear their thoughts. It's like they're simultaneously one voice, and many. Their methods of combat often make them seem like a hive mind.

Bendy

Almost everyone in the studio fears Bendy. He's very powerful: he can teleport using posters, can only be killed or hurt by seeing the end tape of his cartoon (you read that right. See page 3.), and can send any creature back into the inky abyss with a single touch.

Because almost every interaction I have with him includes running away, I have not been able to get a good sense of his personality. However, I've noticed a pattern: he ceases to attack anything after he has killed a creature with a soul. He doesn't go after others without a soul, though he doesn't mind coming close enough to them to melt them into the tendrils of ink that follow him everywhere. I think he wants a soul. Maybe that's why he's after me.

I have not yet made allies with the ink demon. He doesn't seem to take sacrifices of a souled creature- in fact, he reacts with disgust and outrage, injuring (often mortally injuring) the sacrificer before coming after the sacrifice. The only exception I've found is if the person was defending themselves.

This shows me that Bendy has standards for other people but not himself. He uses everyone he can use, and is willing to stomp on and destroy anyone he can't. There's no question in my mind who his imprint is: Joey Drew. Nonetheless, his demonic powers lead me to believe that he might know something about how to save these souls.

 Henry stared at the page a long time after he'd finished reading, as though that would change its words.  Deep down, though, he knew that three pages of his own handwriting hadn't spontaneously appeared, and he definitely didn't remember writing them. He flipped through it to find that there indeed were over seventy pages to it, all in his own writing. His stomach sank as he realized that this was entirely real. "Oh, Joey, what have you been doing?" he whispered to himself.

[merigreenleaf]

WIP Rambles Thing

It's been forever since I did any tag games, so I'm super excited that @bluemartlet tagged me in this! And @toboldlywrite asked to be tagged, too. I feel like such a weird writer, though, because everything I’ve worked on in the past five years has been the same series. So I guess if you forgot about dorks, here’s dorks! (There’s info about the characters here or here if you’re on mobile.)

1. Colorweaver (rewriting/editing the guh... 4th draft? Parts have been rewritten six times, but some parts only twice, so I guess that averages to a 4th?) Genre: These are all the same comedic contemporary high fantasy series POV: 3rd person close/limited, multiple POV; in the current draft there are 3 (Adair, Blythe, Dray) plus letters/journal entries from Rosalie Blurb: Adair Cerulean is an amateur cartographer with the ability to make his drawings have the semblance of life. Like the other creators who possess magic and channel this through art, Adair is a Weaver. Adair is in the process of working on the project that, once complete, would advance him in rank when he discovers it missing! As its new owner seeks out more Weavers, Adair feels a tug from his creation to follow. This pull leads him to a carnival where he meets a healer standing guard over a stricken performer. It turns out that his thief is more than a mere robber and there’s more at stake than just a stolen map. Will Adair get it back and stop the thief before anyone else is hurt?

2. Sentinel (writing the 3rd draft, but technically there have been 6 versions; the others were detailed outlines. This has been hard to nail down!) POV: Ditto; POVs are Adair, Blythe, Firedrake, and Rosalie who gets normal chapters in this one. Blurb: Adair has recovered his stolen map and acquired a new family who will -- with luck and a lack of imps -- protect him in the future. His elation is short-lived, however. The other artists refuse to accept his choice of sentinel-intended or his desire to help as magic in the capital city begins to go awry. When an enemy thought to be defeated returns to team up with someone from Adair's past, he and his family start receiving cryptic advice seemingly from the future. Caught between past and present, and hoping they don’t muck up said future, the dorks must decide how far they’re willing to defy authority, their own arcane training, and calendars.

3. Untitled (brainstorming 1st draft) POV: Ditto, although by this point I might throw in a 5th and add Camille into the mix. This book snuck into a previously-planned trilogy a few months ago so it’s the newcomer of this quartet. Blurb: Adair has been begrudgingly promoted and is now able to practice his cartography wherever he chooses. The dorks, along with their fledgling carnival troupe, are asked to travel to the neighboring country to check for anyone showing signs of magic. This is a cover to hide their real task of investigating the possible source of the arcane glitches happening back home in Concordia. They soon find out that Galanvoth’s plotting goes deeper than anyone thought. It’s up to the dorks to do their own kind of bizarre plotting involving disguises and a fake marriage trope to get to the truth. Will they be able to uncover the people responsible before the magical disruption turns into permanent damage to their home?

4. Iconoclasm (first draft started, but needs to be massively re-outlined) POV: Ditto and I have no idea who else might be joining by this point lol Blurb: As if the previous assignment wasn’t weird enough, a being straight out of history approaches the artists with a plea. There's trouble in his home and he asks that the help he once gave be returned. His only requirement is that the dorks be the ones sent, much to their dismay. Three of them are fugitives and Montglace doesn't exactly embrace outsiders with open arms. Fortunately there's a resistance brewing and those rebels are more than happy to accept strangers into their midst-- at least until they realize how strange said strangers are. When the dorks are forced apart, they begin to realize that they can never truly be separated. If they can find a way to weave their magics into each other and face their greatest fears, they just might be able to help bring down a stagnant and cruel mythos. And hey, if they can do this, facing their own people to tell them that they kinda broke artisan tradition (again) and mucked with magic (again) won’t be nearly as bad, right?

I have two more under the read more. :)

5. Shadowweaver (book 1 in the next trilogy. 1st draft is sorta started-- it was originally part of Sentinel before I pulled Gilly’s subplot out of it and moved her later in the series) POV: Still 3rd person limited, multiple. Likely Gilly, Grandeau, and Astra, but this trilogy is weird because it takes place in two points on the timeline with one of the MCs serving as a bridge and I’m not sure yet how much of Astra’s plot fits into the first book. (I introduced Gilly, Chell, and Ametrine here. Ametrine is the dorks’ adopted son, Astra is his younger sister [not adopted], and Grandeau is Gilly’s brother although she doesn’t know that yet.) Blurb: Gilly is a carnival performer, thief, and ghost-freer who shares these jobs with her roommate/best friend Ametrine. While the two of them are tracking down art that was illegally gained by a dishonest art dealer, the dealer’s sister catches Gilly in the act. She gets away, but is intrigued by this girl whose weak voice is oddly captivating. She finds herself drawn back and soon discovers that while Chantrell is confined in her own home, she isn’t as sick as she appears, nor is she as dead as people seem to think she is. Gilly is determined to find out the truth and, with Ametrine’s help, set her new friend free.

6. Sciamachy (book 2 in the next trilogy, brainstorming) Blurb: Chantrell has joined Gilly and Ametrine on their thieving and ghost hunting adventures; with her magical ability to produce any sound, Chell is the perfect distraction for the others’ heists. It’s during one of these encounters that Gilly notices a shadow that shouldn’t be there. Meanwhile Astra, twenty years in the future, notices the same thing. Someone or something is trying to reach out to the girls using the shadow magic they both share. Could this be connected to the elementals that Astra has discovered are being used to power Galanvoth’s inventions?

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I have other stories in progress or in the planning stages, but those are short stories, so I didn’t include them here. I have ideas for way more books because my plan is to make this a huge sprawling series that spans centuries and locations (and possibly worlds). Like I want to write one about the founding of Concordia and the Muses and my immortal character back when she was very young, and maybe more following that character at different points on the timeline, and one that follows the “antagonist” of Colorweaver, and... well, I’ve been working on this series for five years and I’d gladly work on it for another fifty. :D 

I’m not sure if you’ve done this yet, but I’m going to tag @lynnafred @elliot-orion @lady-redshield-writes @homesteadhorner @perringwrites @joshuaorrizonte @thatwriternamedvolk @theguildedtypewriter and anyone else who happens to see this and wants to play because I’ve been gone WAY too long and I need a recap on what everyone is working on. So if you’ve done this before or have a similar post already shared, feel free to link me to it or tag me in it. No need to do a tag game, I just would love reminders of what everyone is writing. <3