#imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway

[betterbinderproject]

Hi, when you say that you understand completely the reasons why people don't like the better binder project you're being very presumptuous. It's not the same as well-meaning but ignorant abled people attempting to solve highly complex and expensive problems of access for disabled people. And furthermore, the way you talk about this is really condescending and frankly just...you make assumptions that you understand the intimacies of how people think and feel that are just not true or analogous.

Like I mean this in the nicest possible way, but cisgender people’s relation to trans people is just not the same, and it would be a lot less patronizing and transphobic of you to *not* characterize every possible negative and/or critical reaction to this blog as being a reflexive anger and automatic rejection instead of being a justified and/or reasonable wariness. Like I absolutely hope this project succeeds, but there’s no reason to think that you’re qualified to make it succeed.

I’m going to use this also as a way to respond to your post, which didn’t show up on my Acitivity, so I’m glad someone pointed me to it.

1. My ability to listen to criticism

For the last couple weeks, I’ve been monitoring the activity of my posts, especially looking for people saying things like, “This will never work”, “this is a bad idea”, “won’t work for me” and so forth. Then a lot of the time I’ve messaged them to say, “Hi, I want to hear about your thoughts and experiences, do you have time to talk?”. I’m in a little bit of a backlog with this because some really smart and informed people have been commenting on it but I’ve been busy. For example, if I got the chance to listen to @the-scottish-costume-guy at greater length and in greater detail in the next couple days, I’d be really happy.

So while some criticisms have been reflexive rage or despair, others have been completely on point and I’ve already integrated them into my design (for example, recommendations to slope the boning diagonally down and to the outside). And others have been logical on the surface, but don’t apply to the specific thing I am trying to do (eg. “corsets are expensive”)

2. My credentials

I’ve been sewing seriously for the last 20 years. In some of that time, I’ve been paid for my work. For much of it, I’ve both been reading academic sources on the topic, and sewing in the workshops of vastly more experienced sewists. Over and above all my other sewing experience, I’ve made and worn numerous corsets. There is no set certification for a “professional tailor” but yes, if I wanted to do that as a job, I do have the resume and portfolio for it.

Tailoring isn’t actually the field you want here, though. Since beginning this project, I’ve located and contacted several researchers in the fields of human ecology, mechanical engineering, and biomedical engineering, who have relevant expertise. None have yet gotten back to me, probably partly because it’s summer. If someone more qualified than me wants to work on this project, I am 100% willing to collaborate with them, or hand the project off to them.

3. My profiting from this project

I’ve already made some very particular and pointed decisions about this. If I wanted to significantly profit from this project, I would:

Keep my R&D process secret

Patent and license the design

Sell patterns of the design I made for individuals wanting to make their own, individual, copy

Sell binders I myself made, or possibly outsource their production and then sell the result

Send cease&desist letters threatening to sue anyone selling copies of my binder, or any other binder on similar design principles, or any pattern for such a binder

Demand that anyone wanting to profit from the use of my design principles pay me a licensing fee.

Meanwhile, my plan right now includes:

Publicizing my concepts and progress in a way freely accessible to anyone with an Internet connection

Maintaining a record of my progress to keep anyone else from claiming to be its inventor and licensing it in exploitative ways

Encouraging feedback from as many people as possible and seeking out trans, nb, and genderqueer perspectives 

Coming soon: Creating a survey about wearer experiences and health outcomes, asking anyone involved in this project to report back so the data can be disseminated and analyzed. If this project and my design are a failure, I will say so.

Making design concepts, and in the future, patterns and tutorials, freely available to anyone with an internet connection, and agreeing to their republication to reach other audiences

Only receiving donations from people who understand that this is an experimental venture, posed as the question, “What if I tried this thing,” and only profiting from items that I have ensured people could get for themselves some other way. (eg “Here’s a free tutorial on making this binder using items from the dollar store. However, if you want to buy a $20 kit of high-quality items pre-cut for your convenience, here’s my Etsy”)

Providing prototypes to their intended wearers for free in return for feedback about the wearers’ experiences, instead of selling half-baked designs for a profit

Openly encouraging other sewists to suggest design improvements, make their own versions, or make binders for other people without paying me

In the future, I’m very open to stepping back in my own role in this project, and handing it off to trans people who have taken the idea and run with it.

From a legal perspective, I have probably already ruined my chances of making big bucks from this project, and I did that on purpose. From the beginning, I realized that it is very possible for me to be exploitative in how I handle this project. 

I honestly asked for money because I can’t pay for medications, groceries and utilities right now. I got about $300, which was enough to cover most of my monthly medical expenses. Most of the clients I see as a psychotherapist are disabled, living on extremely limited incomes, and cannot pay me much more than the cost I pay to rent the room we meet in. I’m trying to survive and find a better job. If I had a full-time job and made a decent income, I would be funding this project out of my own pocket. I know how to market and monetize a project like this, and have, from the first, deliberately chosen not to, in large part because I’m cis and this isn’t my issue.

4. Binders over top surgery

This project has largely been inspired by a trans person with whom I have worked, whose parents were involved in a custody dispute beginning when they were 14. At 14 they realized they were trans, but they required the consent of both parents for medical procedures until the age of 18. One parent was extremely transphobic and would not consent to top surgery, although they didn’t see their child on a regular basis and didn’t know how they dressed and presented. During those 4 years, they used a binder as a way of dealing with the dysphoria that made them suicidal. Despite its negative physical health effects (pain, trouble breathing, rashes, etc) the binder was an essential aid to their mental health.

Yes, binding is a “stopgap” method compared to top surgery. However, one of my major areas of work is as a mental health therapist with LGBTQ people, especially teenagers. Not everyone can get top surgery, and not always as quickly as it is needed. Sometimes there is a gap you need to stop.

5. Why do we need better binders at all?

I didn’t go into this because I, frankly, had considered the need for improvements in binder technology so well-documented as to be completely obvious. Just today someone tagged this blog talking about how much they want it to work because “binding gives me rashes, makes my already shitty lungs hurt, makes my back hurt, and doesn’t actually work for me“ Would you like me to curate the research and accounts of people who have problems with the current models of binder available? Is that proof you in fact need?

7. Corsets are unsuitable/super gendered

Yep! That’s why I’m not making corsets. I’m trying to use the engineering elements from corsetry that would make the binder better, and make everything else as un-corset-like as possible. 

How possible this is is an open question right now. For example, corsets need to be fitted so precisely because they go from the bust to the hips, and therefore need the correct bust, waist, and hip measurement, and the correct height, and the correct ratio of all things to each other, and to have the correct vertical profile. My current hypothesis is that by making a binder that covers only the bust, I can eliminate many of these complexities. However, many informed observers of the project have told me that they think I’m wrong, and that the binder will need to extend to the waist to more evenly distribute the load of compression, and a garment that only goes around the chest will cause too much back pain over the long term. This is a question I think can honestly only be answered when I ship my prototypes to my genderqueer friend in Georgia, who shares my measurements and is eager to try each model out for hours/days/weeks and report back.

At present, I am experimenting with adaptations to sports bras, which I also know can be too gendered and induce dysphoria. I’m using them because my current project is aimed at people who have very little experience sewing, and therefore would benefit from only having to add a few elements to an already-constructed garment. After this, I want to see if I can transition those adaptations to something less gendered, like a tank top. After that, I can begin work on drafting a binder entirely from scratch, which, one hopes, I can make as ungendered as possible.

My askbox is open!

[maghrabiyya]

hey i just wanted to let you know that im really glad you feel you can see a better version of life in the future, you feel like you can be okay one day. i am so sorry for your miscarriage and i hope you never feel that pain again. and i know this might not mean much but i witness your pain and grief and i admire your strength in your most recent post & your ability & willingness to break taboos you think are harmful. i wish good days and a good life for you.

@imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway you are one of my favourite ever mutuals and i love you, genuinely, thank you for being you and for always showing me so much kindness. i hope 2018 is the best year ever for you

[gothhabiba]

ur halloween costume was the greatest i've seen this year. truly awesome.

thank you!!

[motherboxing]

csa tw

“purity culture” is a really fucked up way of referring to “being uncomfortable with adults who get off to depictions of child sexual abuse and also insist on having access to youth-focused fandom spaces” h o n e s t l y

[thetigerisariver]

@scissortailedsaint I think those covers are probably folded, the standard size of a single duvet is something like 100 cm x 200 cm but yeah they don't hang over the bed, they are large enough to cover you but not more.

I think with ppl who share beds it's about preference but ppl I know prefer each having their own duvet.

@imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway hcohvhlv I mean they are puffier than mine, but that's probably cause they are warmer. Pillow as a blanket :D (the really serious dawn feather duvets are even puffier, achieving almost a pillow like quality, but I have never in my life felt like I needed one - but I mostly lived in cities, in insulated houses. A house in the mountains might be a different story)

[creekfiend]

imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway replied to your post: what do you mean you dont know what sex is? Aren't...

is anon literally a space rock from pluto

this is my fave response to any anon ive ever gotten and frankly applies to like 75% of them

[brehaaorgana]

kelseyjannings

i thought the same thing like. 1 it’s the actual title and 2 let’s focus on the legitimately sketchy things they did?

people legit were like “they used a SLUR” but when you click the link it’s like oh, you mean they didn’t censor the name of a comic strip when they referenced it...y’all....

imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway

yeah i saw that and was like 'really? thats what yall mad about?

it’s just so lazy complain about something more important please or just admit you don’t like the person in question. you’re allowed to also just. not like people. 

[alexandra-again]

Just talked to my therapist over the phone.

She said that the problem is that I’m 27, but I still think like a teenager about youth issues. Not just that, but like *myself* as a teenager, generalising my own teenage experience to everyone in my situation, when she noted that experiences of adolescence are extremely diverse and varied. Thinking as my white suburban teenage self, I could not grasp how imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway (whom I need to apologise to, if it’s possible) could have experiences similar to mine in ways, but see things very differently. My cognitive dissonance around how being treated as a child could ensure freedom and value for Black American teenagers, rather than deny them, made me racist. My therapist said that I have to start thinking as an adult. I’ve been thinking about more nuanced youth rights thought, about having an official “majority test” to give teens the opportunity to gain rights earlier, rather than just considering them adults at 13 or 14 as I used to believe should be done, and someone saying that “teens are seen as children when it’s convenient for adults, or as adults when it’s convenient for adults”. 

[flyingpurplepizzaeater]

Thanks for the post about that like mental age shit. I'm also a young adult, disabled, my "mental age" is my age. "My mental age is fuck you" me too thanks for those words. I am not acting like a child, I am acting like a disabled adult. I do not talk like a child, I talk like a disabled adult.

i got it from @imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway

http://strangehorizons.com/fiction/difference-of-opinion/ this is so so good cw not gory medical abuse short scene at the end, dehumanization all through 

[maghrabiyya]

Hey I just wanted to stop by and say I think you're awesome for applying to 20 jobs and working hard. Mental illness is so difficult to work with sometimes and muddle through, and I know that you're a really strong, brave, intelligent person and I know that despite all this shit things will be okay for you. It will get better & I believe in you.

i love you

also i’m not crying you are

[motherboxing]

this needs a number of trigger warnings but, generally: rape, abuse, racism, peoples’ attitudes about historic atrocities

@imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway wrote something recently about, like, people - generally white women, and like, human behavior is a vast spectrum, blah blah, but that being said, yes - who will look at historical atrocities and do all kinds of mental contortions to focus their sympathies exclusively on the perpetrators of those atrocities. They used the example of an internet drama a year or so back in which a white woman claimed that white women slave owners were oppressed into owning slaves because of domestic violence and misogyny, at one point (infamously) saying, “do you know how bad rape is? Because it’s extremely bad”, and though anyone who could not bring themselves to have sympathy for someone who literally owned other human beings only felt that way because they didn’t understand that being raped is traumatizing. 

I was thinking about this today and like... I mean, a lot of it is just, like, anything to avoid having to engage in compassion for someone who they consider to be “other”, because that would probably implicate their own behaviors at some point, which is something smarter people than me have said. But even in addition to that, there’s like... a voyeurism to this largely imagined and sensationalized victim status that these people assign to people whose position in history is one of perpetuating horrific violence. (Once, for example, someone told me that they were inspired to go to medical school because they looked up to the “work” of a Nazi doctor who performed medical torture on concentration camp victims. They claimed that the doctor had been abused into becoming a Nazi and tortured his victims because otherwise they would have been executed outright, therefor he was a poor traumatized victim himself.)

I was talking to a friend recently about how PTSD is framed in, like, the national/international/etc Conversation About It - that when legislation is passed and politicians talk about the need for services for people with PTSD, they talk about cops before they talk about victims of domestic violence, sexual abuse, etc. My friend was like, “Well, I’m sure after beating or murdering someone, a cop might feel really bad, he might even have PTSD, but are we really expected to care?” I feel like this is, weirdly, a more compassionate take, even though it sounds less compassionate! It is a take that shows compassion for victims of violence that we know is happening and has happened, more than having an empathetic crisis about this weird trauma porn scenario someone has usually wholly imagined that the person(s) perpetuating that real violence might have possibly experienced. 

If you look at real violence that is happening and has happened in the world and your response is to weigh it against whatever your cop OC’s tragic backstory that you made up is, I really don’t know what to say! Except that on tumblr sometimes it feels like there are a disturbing number of people who talk about violence and trauma, both contemporary and historical, in this way - for all that Certain People like to taunt survivors by saying that they’ve confused fictional abuse for real abuse, I think there’s a lot of people who treat real abuse (historical and contemporary, systemic and individual) like fiction.

[thetigerisariver]

@imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway this seems like a good overview of how deeply fucked the story is:

https://www.google.cz/amp/s/fabiusmaximus.com/2010/09/12/21238/amp/

Disclaimer: I didn't read all the linked articles

The story is. Very fucked up in my opinion, has some utterly repulsive values in its core. Idk if you read it, or if you did if you remember it, but for me it was one of the big fridge horror moments of my adolescence when I remembered the book later and basically went *tire screech*

[creekfiend]

imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway replied to your post: hey guys whats the weirdest shit youve ever seen...

teletubbies/snape

how many teletubbies

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Dear asshole who attacked me for reblogging them and then blocked me from reblogging so I couldn’t answer you

"You keep trying to ‘explain’ things to me that I either already said or have presented evidence as to how they don’t exist" 1. Except I was never trying to explain it to YOU in the first place. My reblog was not me responding to YOU, it was me adding information for the consumption of an AUDIENCE. 2. You keep saying that "biochemistry" isn't real and isn't scientific.... Why don't you actually look into the field of neurosciences and oh say.... and production of any drug ever before deciding that and spouting it like it's some kind of enlightenment.  "(’chemical imbalance’ is an unscientific theory and isn’t true, just straight up) I have no idea what you are talking about and have no idea why you think it’s relevant."  I'll tell you exactly why I think it's relevant. Because it's worth pointing out that even if you think that someone's lifestyle and environment and though patterns or attitudes are something they can control... even if it is your honest belief that those things can be changed and is their responsibility to work on, there is STILL the fact that for some of us it is a directly chemical/physical problem that our internal and external states do NOTHING to affect, and it is STILL not okay to comment on these things.

Because YES FOR FUCKS SAKE. it is often a direct chemical imbalance that makes it so someone will always tend towards persistent bad feelings regardless of any other factor. and it's important to recognize that that is so for a large number of people. I SAY AS SOMEONE WHO HAS A PHYSICAL DISORDER THAT AFFECTS THEIR ORGANS THAT MAKE THEIR HORMONES AND LIVES WITH THE OBJECTIVE AND SUBJECTIVE REALITY OF THAT. If you see this as me just making long winded "explanations" that "don't mean anything" then it's because you've already decided you don't want to understand what I am trying to communicate. You clearly just started this to be confrontational, not to seek any kind of understanding or have any kind of discussion and YEAH IT'S FUCKING EXHAUSTING BECAUSE HERE I AM TRYING TO HAVE A FUCKING MEANINGFUL EXCHANGE WITH YOU FOR THE SAKE OF COMING TO A GOD DAMNED UNDERSTANDING.

You were effectively telling me not to have opinions or reblog your posts. So you don't want people to re-blog or react to anything you say? Or do you ust want everyone to silently reblog and never express anything on the matter? Why do you have such a problem with someone who reblogged your post and WAS IN FACT trying to support what you were saying? I mean I get it, you clearly have strong feeling about people talking about the actual physical mechanics by which thoughts feelings and bodies work but that doesn't make me wrong, and it doesn't excuse how rude you are being. "" This is incredibly victim-blaming and gross! What the fuck! I cannot believe that you seriously think that being abused is like wearing a sweater when you’re too hot. I cannot believe that you think telling a person being abused to ~~just leave~~ does literally anything! What the fuck is wrong with you, honestly.""

So on one hand you have a problem with "long winded things that say nothing"  but at the same time you want to demand that I fully explain any nuance and any detail in long tangents of anything I say just to make absolutely certain I cover all social issues involved so I can't possibly be misunderstood.

NO.

1. Victim blaming would be telling her it's her fault for not leaving or for "letting it happen" {something people have done to me} which is NOT THE SAME FUCKING THING as telling her she should leave an abusive relationships because it's depressing her and isn't healthy.... that's what a caring person would do, especially considering a lot of people in abusive relationships don't see very clearly how abusive it is or how it's affecting them.

2. You are INTENTIONALLY twisting my words to try to vilify me, what is your fucking problem? All I can tell is that you have far more interest in "being right" than trying to understand what I am communicating.

3. There's nothing wrong with me. The ugly stupid person you see is not me, but an image you created of me to argue with, which does in fact not reflect a fucking thing about me. Yeah I can't expect you to know me or my personal history or to have read ANY other post I have ever made but you are intentionally taking everything I say WAY THE FUCK out of context.

4.  since you didn’t fucking understand what I was getting at:

a) I AM NOT comparing getting out of an abusive relationships to taking of a sweater. what I was TRYING to communicate was that when something DOES have a clear and simple solution, depending on how serious or personal it is, it CAN be appropriate to bring it up. BUT MENTAL HEALTH ISN’T LIKE THAT [this is a relevant thing to bring up because a lot of people don’t get that].

b) Yes an abusive relationship CAN be -and often is- a lot more complicate and often the person can’t “just leave” THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS FUCKING COMMUNICATING. I have been in that kind of situation and if you knew me at all you would know that is NOT what I meant. BUT there’ are TIMES when it is that simple. Say a woman just started dating a guy and all of a sudden she acts insecure and upset all the time and keeps just crying at random and her best friend is like “he’s scum, leave him.” In THAT scenario someone pointing out a solution that is obvious to them and not the victim IS THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE.

c) You seem to be intentionally forgetting what the conversation initially was about, which seems at the core of you misinterpreting me. We were talking about the possibility YOU brought up that -according to you- most people’s depression is a sum of external factors -not “organic” ones-, so I was addressing the attitude that people have about that being “if it’s external factors then they have control over it and can change things” and arguing that it STILL isn’t appropriate, even if that what you believe because it’s not generally ever even as simple as “a crappy circumstance is the root cause of their depression” because it’s usually far more complicated and YES PHYSICAL than that.

I was having a hard time coming up with scenarios where a person’s depression [as an example of a “mood disorder”] would solely have a circumstantial cause -the way you seem to think it usually works- [and specifically as an example of something that in ONE particular circumstance could be easily changed] and that is the example I came up with [NOT as you interpreted it], it was NOT a commentary on how abusive relationships should be addressed or who is at fault or anything else... but there is literally no other pervasive issue that could cause someone to be depressed in the way we were discussing that DOESN’T kind of need an explanation -especially when someone is bent on twisting your words-. The example I was using was the idea of a person entering into a bad relationship for them and their bestie speaking out in concern, and for the purpose of addressing something else entirely. [In fact I’m sure you would have a very different opinion of me if you read any post I have made about victim blaming or rape culture or mostly anything really.]

"I didn’t even see this shit, but like" Maybe you didn’t see it because your interest is in being outraged rather than actually reading what I wrote and trying to understand. Me: A person with a metabolism disorder who really fucking understands how that shit works and deals with it myself and sees a lot of the bullshit people say to others who are over weight all the time. A person who often uses thyroid levels as an example of how a "biochemical problem" can be and is also VERY PHYSICAL. Which you would know if you ever read anything else I've written about this, or my health, or ableism, ever.

You: I mentioned I was overweight and you made generalized statements about what can cause some people's weight issues, you MUST be talking about me. I don't fucking know you or your life habits or your health. I can't even look at your throat to check for swelling. I'm not a doctor. I don't even know if you;re being honest or telling the truth about who you even are. Believe me when I say I have 0 personalized medical advice for you. The statements I make on my blog are often generalized about people in general so people reading it can see the information in a way that's accessible and not personal. It's not about you.

What I communicated is that everyone's thyroid levels are different and effects them differently even at that and that "pop medicine" ideas about it are really harmful.

I'm not saying "fat people" need to eat more salt. I'm advocating against the demonization of salt. Pointing out how it CAN be harmful and advocating to know your blood pressure and thyroid levels NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE because you should know those things.

YOU took it personally.

"(Also, yes, I just say ‘fat’ because ‘heavy’ ‘overweight’ ‘larger’ people are stupid euphemisms that sometimes have actual different meaning and because I am not ashamed of my FAT body.)" Sure, great, cool.  You do you. But I sometimes put things in quotations when I consider them to be opinions -or unconfirmed- that don't necessarily apply or apply to all people. I like to be sensitive to how other people chose to identify, and if they don't identify as "fat" or if they get called that but aren't actually over weight and should know that, I want to leave the terminology open to respecting that for them. I'm not saying you should put "fat" in quotes, but I have my own reasons for it and it’s not “scare quotes”. "Also, yes, I am aware that my body has hormones! It is almost certainly composed of flesh! If I had no hormones I would be dead!" Also good. You had me worried there. So we can agree that people have chemical balances [hormones and neuro transmitters pheromones etc...] and that this is how their bodies do stuff. Cool, then maybe you can also accept that some people live with the harsh reality that those hormones and transmitters don't work right for them and that they would suffer physically and emotionally just for that and in the absence of all other circumstances. Because there are a lot of people -myself included- who live with exactly that kind of reality. And no amount of diet, exercise, meditation, attitude adjustment, belief, or awareness will ever change that. Which is all I was trying to add in the first place.

“This is incredibly condescending and I am sorry I ever engaged with this person.”

Yeah you have been viciously condescending [though I’d like to know what the fuck your definition of that word is], and yeah when people talk to me like that I tend to respond in kind. Guilty. At some point I got patronizing right back at you. I tried not to, and failed. I did... but your inability to see your own extreme rudeness and inflammatory behavior is ASTOUNDING to me. Yeah I'm kind of sorry you ever engaged with me too. Here I thought I was just re-blogging someone and agreeing with them. ...Not signing up to be viciously attacked and accused of being "unscientific" "incapable of understanding" and "condescending" for trying to explain my view point to someone who CLEARLY was misinterpreting me.

@imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway

Thank you for blocking me. I would HATE to ever make the mistake or reblogging and agreeing with you ever again, but since I don’t talk behind people’s backs, here’s the response I wrote you, I tried to tag it.

PS: My unsolicited advice to you is to learn how to converse without attacking people and learn not to interpret everyone’s opinions as a personal attack. This post -or I should say THAT post- is a fucking dumpster fire. I wish you better in the future.

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

Are there any other cool things about Pallas Cats that non-zoo people might not know?

They turn into giant fluffy slipper-shaped animals when they grow in their winter coats, but are no less aggressive for the increased cuteness. 

[maghrabiyya]

@imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway you always interact with my posts no matter how silly they are and i love and appreciate you for that