#in between boring emails from school and my bank i just see shit like.

[aphelea]

i love people with absolutely unhinged ao3 usernames or fic titles because it makes reading my emails ten times funnier

[gansey-just-gansey]

The Princess and the Half Bloods part seven

They drove to Leo’s house first. When they pulled up, the garage door was open, showing an old car and a pair of legs sticking out from underneath it. Percy rolled the window down.

“Hey Ms. Valdez. Is Leo even awake yet?” Percy called out.

“Yes, I just saw him eating.” A woman emerged from the depths of the car, t-shirt and jeans splattered with oil and grease. “Leo!” she yelled. “Percy y una chica estan aqui! Ven aqui!”

“Yo se, Mama. I heard them pull up,” Leo said, appearing in the doorway to the house. “Estamos ir a la casa de Jason. Don’t wait up, okay?”

“Toma tu tarea, por favor. I don’t want you to fall behind, mijo.”

“Si, Mama,” he sighed, shoving his backpack into the backseat ahead of him. “Let’s get out of here before she starts looking up what schoolwork I’m missing and makes me play catch up on that, too.” Percy pulled out of the driveway with a wave at Ms. Valdez.

“Do you have homework you need to get done?” Annabeth asked.

“Yeah, but it’s not important. We practice pretty much the whole day so I won’t even have time to do it, were I inclined to.”

“I promised Chiron I would keep you guys on track with school. You can’t fail and get grounded and miss a night at The Big House.”

“Well Saturdays are off limits, we definitely have to keep up with our practices,” Percy interjected. “And Sundays are usually working on developing songs.”

“When do you typically do homework then?”

Percy and Leo shared a look in the rearview mirror. “Whenever I have the spare time,” Percy said with a shrug.

“I see. So you just don’t, right?” she asked, exasperated.

“Not usually, no,” he admitted.

Annabeth sighed. “Piper, Hazel, and Frank meet up with me on Tuesdays so we can work on our homework together. I’ll help with anything you need. We usually go to a coffee shop but all seven of us would take up a lot of room. I’ll have to talk to Piper about letting us use her house instead.”

“If we have to study, a tricked out mansion isn’t a bad place to do it in,” Leo said, perking up.

Annabeth rolled her eyes. “So how long does practice last?”

“You’ll be getting home pretty late, if that’s okay with you. The garage has been soundproofed after a lot of complaints from Jason’s neighbors, so we can practice well into the night without having to worry about keeping anyone up,” Percy explained.

“That’s fine with me, I don’t think my dad is expecting me back for dinner anyway.”

They pulled up to the Grace house, parking behind the van on the street. Jason came out to meet them as they got out.

“Hey guys, girl,” he said, nodding to Annabeth.

“Unlock the van, I need to make sure my baby remains unscathed,” Leo called, pulling on the back door of the vehicle.

“Your girlfriend is just fine, Leo,” Jason said, but pulled out his keys and unlocked the doors anyway. Leo started checking over his drum set. “Everything is all set up for practice, just gotta get the drums in there.”

“Cool,” Percy said. He went around to the trunk of his car and grabbed his guitar. “We’re going to do a playthrough of all our songs and covers for Annabeth today.”

“Sounds like a plan. Mom is out for the day, possibly the night. Either way, I doubt we’ll see her.” It was only a little bitter. Annabeth wondered at the relationship there, but didn’t feel it would be appropriate for her to ask.

She followed Percy and Jason into the garage, leaving Leo to struggle with the drum set on his own after he insisted she let him carry it himself. The other two started checking that their guitars were tuned while they waited. Annabeth booted up her laptop and started setting up a YouTube channel for them. She created a new email for the band and used it to make the account.

Piper texted her while Leo was finishing putting up the drums: Are you awake? The band was a hit, obviously.

Yeah, she sent back. I’m at their practice right now. Setting up social media for them before they start at the bar.

The reply came almost immediately. Without me???? Annabeth chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” Percy inquired.

“Piper. Hey, is it cool if she comes and helps me set up all this social media for you guys? She’s like, a PR goddess.”

“Yes. Yeah, of course. She’s totally welcome here,” Jason stuttered out.

Annabeth texted Piper the address with no explanation and put down her phone in favor of the computer. She didn’t have to wait long before her phone was buzzing with another text from Piper.

I’m here but no one else is? I’ve been ringing the doorbell for like five minutes.

“Oops, shit,” Annabeth muttered as she got up from the beanbag she had taken over when she came in.

The boys all looked up from their instruments. “Something wrong?” Percy asked.

“Piper,” she said as she opened the door that exited to the front yard. “Hey, we’re back here. Sorry, it’s soundproofed.”

“There you are,” Piper said. “I was beginning to think they had kidnapped and murdered you.”

“Not yet. I think they were just about to start, yeah?” It turned into a question at the end as she looked toward the band.

“Yeah. We’re going to start with our covers. Ready?” Percy asked the others. They murmured their assent and it was quiet for a minute until they started playing. The first song they played was After Midnight again. Percy winked at her just before he started singing.

Most of their covers were songs that Annabeth knew, Blink 182 and Sum 41 and the entirety of the Green Day album that Percy said had inspired him to start playing. There were a few she didn’t recognize, some from a band called Waterparks that Annabeth vowed to listen to when she had the free time because The Half Bloods played them so perfectly, and some from Taking Back Sunday, New Found Glory, and other bands she’d never even heard of. She was glad for their long list of covers that they could pull songs from to play during their sets so they didn’t play the same songs every weekend. They could play a couple original songs and a bunch of covers each time and people wouldn’t get bored.

Annabeth watched them play, making a note in her phone of each song. When they took breaks for water and just giving their arms a rest, Piper and Annabeth busied themselves with setting up an account on every major social media platform for them. She added them all to a group chat and sent the login info for all the accounts. Piper took a picture of them while they were playing and set it as their profile picture.

“Until we can get a professional in, it’ll do,” she said, nodding to herself.

They took a longer break once they’d exhausted their list of covers. It was already near dinner time, so they all piled into Jason’s van and went through the Wendy’s drive through. The boys refused to let the girls pay and split the bill three ways as a thanks for the work they were doing.

“So we were talking,” Percy said once they were back in the garage and eating, “and we were thinking that we’re going to use the extra ten percent you wouldn’t take for things for the band. Like the photoshoot you were talking about and like recording time and stuff.”

“That’s actually a very good idea,” Annabeth approved. She probably should’ve thought about that herself.

“Would you mind taking care of that money? I’d probably lose it or accidentally spend it.”

“I can put it in a separate account that’s only for band stuff. I’ll probably be the one booking everything anyway so I might as well. I’ll go make the bank account this week.”

“You’re a godsend,” Jason said with his mouth full of fries. Piper laughed and he tried to quickly swallow it all but only choked. She laughed harder as Leo pounded on his back.

“Okay, enough fucking around. Let’s get playing our originals,” Percy said, grabbing his guitar. Annabeth settled deeper into the beanbag she had claimed. Her part of the job was over for the day and she could truly enjoy watching the band play their originals with no distractions.

They played their whole CD through, followed by a couple others that they hadn’t had an opportunity to record. Percy and Jason were perfect, their voices harmonizing beautifully. Leo was a beast, slamming out the beats with no more than a thirty second break between songs.

Things slowed and relaxed as they started playing parts of unfinished songs and suggesting changes and additions. Jason nailed down a bridge for one song and Leo played around with a solo until it was up to his standards, then pushed it a little farther, a little faster. Percy strummed and hummed mostly to himself in one of the corners, trying to find words to fit his little riff. Annabeth watched, enraptured, as they worked their magic. Piper spent most of the time setting up little details like bios on the social media accounts and circling the boys to take more pictures for Instagram. She handed her phone over to Annabeth so she could pick out which pictures were good enough to post. She sent the ones she liked to herself so she could post them.

Eventually Piper had to leave because her dad was supposed to fly home early tomorrow to spend the week with her before setting off for another film next weekend. After she left, Annabeth put up the pictures on Insta and Facebook, then turned off her phone and leaned her head back. The music that The Half Bloods played wasn’t exactly lullaby material, but the party the night before had really taken it out of her and she’d been on the whole day since she woke up. She drifted off.

She woke to Percy gently shaking her. “Hey, it’s time to go. We’re finished for the night.”

The bean bag was not the most comfortable thing she’d ever slept on, leaving her with a stiff neck and heavy arms. She blinked blearily and stood, grabbing for her bag, but Percy already had it packed and slung over his shoulder. She smiled sleepily at him, and Percy responded with a brilliant one of his own, grabbing her hand to guide her clumsy limbs to the car.

“Could you carry my shit, too?” Leo called after them. “I’m not holding your hand, though.”

“Get your shit in the car and let’s go,” Percy said, flipping him off. Leo grumbled to himself about how he was tired too but got in the car after Percy had deposited her safely in the passenger seat.

As they drove Leo home, Annabeth pulled out her phone to check notifications on the band accounts. They already had three followers: Piper, Hazel, and Frank. Piper must’ve texted the others.

There was another post in addition to the pictures of the band playing that she didn’t remember making. She clicked on it, worried that she had accidentally posted something that wasn’t meant for the official account.

“Late night band practice. Catch us live @thebighouse every Friday and Saturday starting this weekend!” the caption read. It was a picture of Annabeth, curled up on the bean bag, asleep. Percy crouched next to her with a smirk, one hand making the peace sign and the other taking the picture.

Annabeth smiled to herself and watched the houses fly by as Percy sped away.

[anexplanationofunfortunateevents]

BUT HIS [SON’S] [IRRELEVANT AND PROBABLY FAKE] EMAILS!

In a world where people were trying to do their jobs, this story would not make sense to anyone, now or ever. But because we live in the dumbest fucking timeline, you need to know the shape of the Trump cartel’s latest disinformation campaign against the American democratic process.

Former Vice President Biden is being attacked through his family, which means that his family’s story is the vital context here. Back in the ‘70s, when he was Senator-Elect Biden, his family was in a terrible car crash. His first wife and their young daughter were killed. His sons Beau and Hunter survived, though Hunter suffered a traumatic head injury. The boys went about 80% Parent Trap to convince their dad to marry his current wife Jill, and both grew up and went to law school. Beau became the attorney general of Delaware before dying of cancer in 2015. Hunter went on to a lucrative career in the private sector despite an intermittent struggle with substance abuse, which is a common aftereffect of psychological trauma and brain injuries.

Republicans generally believe that being a Yale Law grad with a wealthy father and a history of substance abuse qualifies someone for the Supreme Court, but for some deeply principled and intellectually honest reason, they have decided that Hunter Biden’s employment in the field of transportation and energy can only be a sign of spectacular corruption. So nefarious and sinister was the Biden family’s treachery that they managed to destroy every iota of evidence before multiple investigations by Senate Republicans could find any of it!

Obviously this little tabloid narrative was derailed when Trump went and got his dumb ass impeached over it. But it’s the middle of October, Trump’s down ten points in the polls, and he made the mistake of replacing the wildly unethical FBI director who threw the last election for him with a guy who at least knows to act professional, so he’s looking for a Hail Mary pass. In the wackiest of coincidences, some random Trumper had what he says might be Hunter Biden’s various hard drives, one of which apparently contained a backup of his most sensitive videos and text messages, in his computer repair shop. Of course this man did the only sensible thing and, uh, copied every file in the drives one at a time before bringing it to Trump’s TV lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, and then the FBI. Giuliani, who was a former federal prosecutor before becoming the former mayor of New York City and current new bestie of Random Tech Store Guy, handled this situation with the assistance of someone who has a mere “50/50 chance” of being a Russian agent. (Poor old Rudy does appear to have limited communication skills beyond his personal safe space of a noun, a verb, and 9/11.) It’s unclear to me whether Giuliani or Tech Store Guy was the one who shared the hard drives with Steve Bannon, the white supremacist propagandist and former Trump campaign manager who is currently under indictment for fraud.

As with a lot of Trump trash, it’s impossible to describe without sounding like you’re exaggerating for comedic effect, but the stakes are too high for any of it to be funny. 

Over the weekend, a right wing tabloid published what it said were emails from one of Hunter’s laptops. (Reporters at that particular tabloid do not believe the story.) The emails don’t show any wrongdoing by the vice president and seem fake for a lot of reasons – but never mind, the bullshit laundering worked well enough to get some supposed actual reporter to harass Vice President Biden about it, and then a bunch of other supposed actual reporters to collapse into their fainting couches when Biden responded with appropriate impatience.

That apparently didn’t have the hoped-for effect. The next day, what appeared to be a series of highly emotional text exchanges between the vice president and his son appeared. There was nothing even vaguely scandalous in these, to a point where it’s not immediately obvious why anyone would bother publishing them. My best guess is that it’s meant to throw Biden off his stride by trying to hurt and humiliate his son, though it may also be an attempt to soften the ground for an even more theatrical reveal.

A lot of Very Serious Politics-Knowers have deluded themselves that the But Her Emails debacle of 2016 was the legitimate kernel of a story that was “blown out of proportion.” But Her Emails was about people a) having some degree of misogyny, conscious or unconscious, which led to a bias against Clinton and b) wanting to tell other people and/or themselves that it wasn’t because she was a woman. They understand that the But Her Emails-ing was a) enormously consequential and b) incredibly dumb. They don’t want to think too hard about that tension, because if they did, they’d have to take responsibility for how the dumb thing became so consequential.

Meanwhile, Trump campaign insiders know better than the rest of us how much they cheated in 2016, but they’re still people and therefore susceptible to the cognitive bias that they got what they wanted because they earned it somehow. The closest thing they had to an above-board strategy was yelling “emails!!” a lot, so they expect yelling “emails!!” to be successful again. They’re just desperately throwing pasta to see what sticks – but Joe Biden is a man, so they’re throwing it at the theory of relativity instead of the refrigerator door.

There are differences between 2020 and 2016 which are significantly less depressing. Trump’s co-conspirators are resorting to ridiculous methods because so many of the key players who made the 2016 operation work are actually facing punishment for some of their crimes. Paul Manafort is under house arrest. Wikileaks guy Julian Assange is in jail.  Social media companies, especially Twitter, were prepared to slam the brakes. Some mainstream reporters have refused to learn their lesson from 2016, but others were prepared to be critical. And, I cannot emphasize this last one enough, voters are more prepared for it. So Team Trump isn’t as good at doing the crimes as they were four years ago, even if they were as good at it they wouldn’t be able to use traditional and social media as effectively as they did last time, and even if they could adjust to that they’d have a harder time manipulating us. Maybe it got frustrating and boring for you to hear and talk about the 2016 attack for years on end, but the whole point of that was that we needed to be ready for exactly this scenario. So far, it seems to be working better than I would have hoped.

Obviously, this is infuriating. All else aside, putting this enormous, invasive pressure on a private citizen’s mental health and substance abuse problems is abusive and gross and genuinely dangerous. I don’t give a shit who his dad is, it’s fucking evil. We need to be ready to remember everybody involved in pushing this story – not just the con artists behind it, but the “mainstream” reporters who validated it in their behavior toward the Biden campaign or who spread what were (allegedly) entirely personal text messages of no news value.

But first, we need to win next month. On that front, I want to reiterate what I said when they first started cooking up this story late last year: it’s actually encouraging that they’re resorting to something like this, because it means they’re flailing. They haven’t been able to make FBI Director Wray abuse his power in the way former Director Comey did, despite the fact that the only real tool they had to manipulate Comey four years ago was taunting and pressure from conservative media. They don’t have a cutout like Wikileaks to launder the documents for them. Most importantly, they’re trying to influence voters’ opinions of Biden because they think voters’ behavior still matters. The only thing Trump knows in life is how to get away with a scam. If they thought they had it “rigged” they would be trying to act normal, because spending the three weeks before a heist reminding your marks of what fucking criminals you are doesn’t help you get away with it.

One last thing: this is a less obvious reason why it’s important to vote as early as you can. All these other increasingly desperate stunts depend on the ability to overwhelm everyone all at once, without enough time for them to be debunked or brought back into proportion. The more early votes are in the bank, the less effective their next stink bomb can be, and if it can’t be effective, there are a lot of people around Trump who would rather save their own asses from prison than help him throw it.

[withyounct]

What’s wrong kid? (8)

Reader x Single dad!Jaehyun 

Genre: Fluff

Words: 3.7k

Prompt: You notice a child crying at a school playground. You decide to see what’s up and meet an extremely stressed/extremely handsome father.

Prev | Next

A/n: Enjoy!

“God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers?” You muttered completely hanging upside down on the couch doing nothing as the pressure of blood flowed into your brain. Ten, who was scrolling through his phone, used his free hand to poke you with a stray pillow.

“We’ll drink and get over it. Are you okay?” He was met with grunts as you slid onto the floor. He was gearing up to join you when the doorbell rang. Very swiftly, you enforced the ‘nose goes’ rule and smirked as he begrudgingly went to answer it.

You were pleasantly surprised to see Johnny’s gigantic stature from your place on the ground.

“I think you’ve been over more than Jaehyun. Congratulations. What do you want?” You turned into a sitting position. Johnny, still in his ‘casual’ suit and tailored made trench coat, chuckled and held out a hand to help you up.

“I'm bored and would like to have a father-daughter afternoon.” You tilted your head in confusion because Johnny was the cool uncle type rather than father, but the rare innocent smile on his face forced you to keep the thought to yourself.

You were content with staying in your nicely heated apartment lounging around all day, but unfortunately you had a soft spot for him. You took his hand and was brought up. Telling him to hang out with Ten for about twenty minutes, you ventured into your room to get ready.

You put on some light makeup and picked out a Johnny approved outfit. It was snowing out, so you stole one of Kun’s scarfs as Johnny pulled you out into the cold.

He told you that he didn’t have any definitive plans as you drove onto the highway. You were about to criticize his poor planning when you got an email from the Men’s Wearhouse. You scanned the email and looked up at Johnny. 

“I can feel you boring holes into my face, what’s up?” He asked not looking away from the road.

You weighed your options; it would be easy and convenient to have Johnny take you, but the possibility of him telling Jaehyun was risky. On the other hand, the thought of having to leave your house later to do something you could do now was annoying.

“I trust you more than I should.” You sighed. “I need to pick up Jaehyun’s gift.”

“I’ll beat you to it. If I tell him anything you’ll kill me.” He smirked. “Where are we going shorty?”  

You scoffed and inserted the address into the gps.

“It’s how much!?” You held on tightly to your card, eyes blown out in shock. The older gentleman that helped you before had his same warm smile which somehow made things worse. 

“The total is $150.” He gestured to the screen. You were too focus at the price that you missed Johnny’s whistle behind you.

“Man that’s pricey. By your standards of course, but I got it.” Johnny said coolly going into his pocket. You stopped his arm with more force than needed.

“I will end you.” You threatened, but the pout you displayed made you look more like a sad kitten than anything. You swiped your card before you could regret it and was handed the velvet box. The man wished you both happy holidays as you exited the shop. You were too busy looking at your bank account to care that Johnny took the gift out your hands and inspected it.

“Boring and right up Jaehyun’s alley. Congrats.” He carefully placed it in one of your coat pockets, making sure to button it close. “Come on, let me treat you to lunch.” He didn’t wait for you to reply as he intertwined his arm with yours and dragged you to the car.

Johnny was pretty predictable, so you weren’t surprised when he took you to some upscale ritzy restaurant. Upon his instructions, you didn’t look at the prices of anything and ordered a steak that you were a hundred percent sure cost the same as rent. You were sipping on the sweetest wine the place had to offer when you realized something. 

“You’re a good friend.” You said suddenly, leaning back into your chair. Johnny looked up from his food in confusion as you continued. “I hope you genuinely like hanging out with me, but your trying to help Jaehyun figure out what to get me, right?”

“Clever guess, but wrong. Jaehyun already bought your gift.” He laughed reaching over the table to ruffle your hair. “I really just wanted a father-daughter day.” He smiled softly. 

After lunch you spent the rest of the afternoon trying to stop Johnny from buying everything he thought would look cute on you and failing. It was nearing the evening when you finally talked him into taking you home, complaining that neither of you had any arm room left. 

“Something tells me that you were always this wealthy.” You stated, stuffing the rest of the bags in the back seat and hopping in yours.

“What gave me away? My complete disregard of a price tag or the car?” He joked. 

“Both.” You laughed. “No offense, you just give off a ‘trust fund kid, never eaten ramen’ vibe sometimes.”

He chuckled, but nodded. “None taken. You’re half right. Came from money. My father owns an information company in Chicago, while my mom owns a fashion company in New York. I was set the moment I was born.” He said proudly.  “I was kind of an asshole as a child and was sent to this boarding school in New Jersey. It was middle school when I met Jaehyun. I’ll let him tell you all the shit we got into, but he was the first person to introduce me to ramen. He loved it, but I wasn’t much of a fan.” There was something in his eyes that soften ever so slightly as he traveled down memory lane in his head. “I’ve known that loser my whole life.” He smiled more to himself than to you. 

“You make him happy.” He used the red light as an opportunity to look at you. “I’ve seen him hit rock bottom and try his hardest to fill holes that were impossible to fix. Hyunjin does a good job, but she herself has holes that she's too young to notice. But you,” His laugh was light in wonder. “you just appeared out of nowhere like an angel and started sewing their holes shut.”

The light changed and he sent you one final smile before turning his attention back to the road. “So thanks for that.” 

The rest of the car ride was filled with music as you were rendered speechless. Johnny didn’t pressure you into saying anything and you appreciated it. He helped you bring all the bags up into your apartment. 

You knew he wasn’t much of a hugger, but you found yourself wrapping your arms tightly around him. You felt the light vibrations of him laugh as he hugged you back. 

“I take it I'm your new favorite.” He laughed, ruffling your hair as you let go. “See you later shorty.” He smiled as he left. 

It was early in the evening and it was right around the time you would make your way over to Jaehyun’s. After trying to find the closet space for all the new clothes that was gifted upon you, you found yourself getting ready to do just that.

But, there was a moment of hesitation as you skidded over to your phone. You’d totally forgotten that Renjun and Yangyang were leaving for China in the morning. You smiled and opened up the group chat, adding Kun and Ten to it.

‘Let’s do something tonight!’ You sent the message and it took exactly three minutes for you to regret your life choices. Jaemin made a poll and clubbing became the main victor. You sent a ‘I hate you all’ text, tossed your phone, and grabbed one of the outfits Johnny bought you. You still had on makeup from earlier, so you were the first one done. 

You wandered into Ten’s room and flopped on his bed as he got ready, wrapping yourself into a cocoon with his covers.

“Someone put in very little effort.” He judged, getting up from his desk chair to sit next to you. He handed you his eyeliner, a silent gesture for you to help him.

“Someone has a man and would rather go laser tagging.” You shot back as you gently tight lined his eyes. “You know you and Kun are our responsible sober adults’ tonight.” You informed. You were met with rolled eyes that contradicted his smile.

“Someone’s got to keep the kids safe.” 

It didn’t take long for everyone to arrive. Kun and Ten took four each and headed to the downtown clubbing district. Ten was ready to throw both you and Jeno out the car since you both rather be anywhere but there and wouldn’t shut up about it.  No one questioned Jaemin as he ushered the group passed the long line into the club. You turned to see him high-five the bouncer and laughed because that was such a Jaemin thing to do. 

You wandered passed the dancefloor and various bodies to the bar. Ten, who immediately forgot about his adult responsibilities, had ordered a raspberry vodka. You smiled as you swiftly took it out his hand and downed it, shooing him away in the process.  

You weren’t much for dancing, so you found a comfortable place at the bar where you could watch your friends act like complete fools. You turned to order another drink when one was placed in front of you. You looked up confused at the bartender only to have him nod his head at the male sitting next to you before walking off. 

The really handsome guy that you just now noticed smiled at you. Smiling back and noticing his drink, you called over the bartender again and ordered another drink. He was confused, but placed it in front of you. Smoothly, you slid it over to the stranger who looked more confused.

“Returning the nice gesture.” You stated, spinning around on the stool to look at your friends. Even in the poorly lit room you could see the murderous intent in their eyes. Laughing, you threw up a ‘okay’ sign and they returned to their dancing. 

“Seungcheol.” He introduced, holding out his hand. 

“Y/n. Taken.” You smiled as you shook his hand. Your smile widened as he laughed.

“That’s okay. I hope the drink wasn’t too awkward.” He nervously rubbed his neck. You told him it wasn’t. 

Naturally a conversation started between you two. You were both dragged there by your friends, who were oddly dancing around each other. Somewhere in between the jokes, laughs, and drinks, an existential crisis creeped its ugly way into your mind making it a bit hard to focus. In every case before now, you would flirt a little and make out in the bathroom until one of your friends would drag you home. 

The conversation gradually became one-sided on his part; you tried to stay engaged, but with the aid of alcohol in your system you eventually fell flat. He was quick to pick it up, stopping midway through a joke to look at your sudden somber disposition. With a bit of hesitation, he lightly tapped your hand.

“Okay why do you look like a kicked puppy? Am I bothering you?” He worried, moving a bit back into his seat to give more space between you two. His dejected tone caught your attention and you hurriedly shook your head. 

“No, its just.” You sighed, letting your cheek lean into your palm. You let out an empty laugh and continued to shake your head. “Nothing.”  You lied.

There was something in his eyes that soften as you played with your empty drink. “I know it’s usually the bartenders that listen to random people problems, but that guy looks like he hates everything and I'm an excellent listener.” He offered.

You weren’t one to flood people with your troubles, friend and stranger alike, but there was something comforting and accepting about him. You sighed. “My boyfriend said I love you a few months back and I haven’t said it back.” You found yourself saying. You watched his face grimaced. “Yeah, I know.” 

Wordlessly, he got the bartender’s attention and pointed to your empty glass. 

After securing you another drink, he continued.

“So, what’s the problem?” He asked. 

“That’s the thing, there isn’t one. He's downright perfect. Even with a kid.” You paused for a moment. “His daughter is amazing which makes him more amazing.” You groaned letting your arm fall as you laid your head on your forearm. 

“Ah, you’re afraid.” He acknowledged. You sat there and let his words simmer for a moment. In your more sober mindset you would deny immediately, it was a stupid reason to be afraid, but somehow you found yourself nodding.

“There's just too much finality with the word love.” You confessed softly to the point you weren’t sure he heard you. He looked down at you sadly as he traded out your drink with water.

Silence engulfed you two, the music and loud laughter for the outside world that seem to dim made its way back into your ears. The alcohol making everything slightly louder than you were comfortable with. 

“I know I don’t know you well, but let me ask you one question that you don’t have to tell me the answer to.” His soft eyes had a sliver of sharpness around the edges. “In this moment right now do you see yourself growing old with him?” 

You of course knew the answer; you’ve had countless daydreams about it. Waking up every morning wrapped in his arms, helping Hyunjin with her hair before school, late minute dates, forcing Jaehyun to watch more horror movies with you, tending to the garden with Hyunjin, putting her to bed, watching her grow up, arguing, making up, the whole nine yards. Until you’re both gross and wrinkly. 

You didn’t notice the smile make its way on your face until Seungcheol proudly pointed it out. 

“Take out your phone, I want updates.” He pulled out his phone and you two exchanged numbers.

It was nearing midnight and you were beyond ready to go. You couldn’t fathom how your friends had the energy to keep going, but they always had a way of surprising you. With a sad smile you turned towards Seungcheol.

“Not that you’re not amazing company, but I'm tired an-”

“I got you.” He waved over your friends. Kun, who finally manage to get out of Ten’s grasp, saw and about ran to you. He, of course, was ready to throw hands just in case. But, after some talking you calmed him down and introduced the two. You turned to pick up your bar tab when it was whisked away by Seungcheol. 

“Have a good night.” He winked, disappearing to the other side of the bar before you could protest. Laughing and shaking your head, you returned your attention back to Kun. Biting your lip and looking past him you could see the rest of your friends still having fun. You didn’t want to take Kun away from that, but wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed. 

“Can you call me a ube-”

“I’ll drive.” He cut you off. “Ten’s with them. He's more responsible than we give him credit for. I’ll come back after dropping you off.” He smiled. It wasn’t every day that Kun complimented Ten, so you decided not to tell him about earlier. 

“Jaehyun’s place right?” He asked, a cheeky smile gracing his face.

“You’re the best.” You hopped down for your stool and leaned on Kun as he guided you out the club. You made sure to stop by Renjun and Yangyang to hug them bye and wished them safe travels.

The car ride was filled with Kun’s ballad playlist which was a welcoming change from the loud EDM music you had to suffer through. Just like you the first time, Kun stood and gawk at how nice Jaehyun’s house was. 

“My baby is moving up in the world.” He whistled. He walked you to the door making sure you had your keys before hugging you bye. 

The living room lights were off and given the time you guessed he retired to bed. Clumsily, you dropped your bag on the couch and made your way down the hallway. You stopped by Hyunjin and snickered at her chaotic sleeping form, looking apologetically at the stuff animals at got kick or punched on the floor. Gently you closed her door and noticed Jaehyun’s office light was still on.

You wandered over and leaned against the doorframe. He was too focused on his laptop and you decided not to alert him to your presence yet. You stood there for a few minutes watching him in deep concentration, smiling at how soft he looked in his ruffled hair and round glasses.

“Boo.” You said, craving his attention. You laughed at how he jumped in surprise, but melted when his smile blossomed. He got out his seat and made his way over to you.

“What are you doing here?” He smiled holding your face.

“I missed you.” You whispered. He cooed at the statement and leaned in for a kiss. He quickly leaned back and looked at you confused.

“Alcohol?” He asked.

You nodded. “I went out with friends. Kun drove me here.” 

He gently stroked your cheek and thanked you for being responsible. You told him he could return to his work, but he wasn’t having any of that. Abandoning his laptop, he guided you to the bedroom. You walked into the closet and grabbed one of his shirts to change in. When you walked back into the room he was seated on the bed, your box of skin care by his side. He smiled and padded the space next to him. Chuckling, you sat yourself.

“I'm not that drunk. I can do it.” You explained.

“Nope. I want to.” He beamed. He pulled out your makeup wipes and gently wiped your face. You started to laugh which caught his attention.

“You’re going to need to use more force than that.” You laughed handing him another wipe. He made an ‘o’ shape and applied a bit more pressure. He used more wipes than needed, but you kept that to yourself. After he was done, you went to cleanse your face with the promise he could finish the rest. 

He had seen your routine countless times, so you closed your eyes and let him go at his own pace.

“Did you have fun?” He asked quietly.

“Kind of. I mostly talked to this guy at the bar.” You answered honestly. His hands stilled for a millisecond. It was something you would have missed if you weren’t hyperaware of his every movements. 

“Oh. What did you talk about?” 

“You. He was a chill guy.” Your eyes opened slowly as you smiled. You saw the smile make its way on his face as he nodded.

“Well I'm glad you kind of had fun.” He finished padding in your eye cream and tapped your nose. 

“Beautiful.” The same amount of love in his eyes was being conveyed in his voice as he tucked a stray hair behind your ear. Your heart picked up speed at the intensity of his gaze, so you got on your knees and engulfed him in a hug. You smiled at the melodic laughter that calmed your very soul as he held onto you.

“Man I should do this more often.” He gently stroke your head, swaying you side to side.

“Thanks for being you.” You mumbled softly into his neck. He placed a kiss on the crown of your head before pulling the cover to tuck you in. He left to put your box back and turn off the lights.

“The park by my office is decorated as a winter wonderland. Lets go with Hyunjin tomorrow.” He crawled into bed.

“I'm down.” You said with no hesitation. 

“Let me guess, you’re going to be bouncing around like a child.”

“Without a doubt.”

“I'm getting beach flashbacks.” He sighed, but there was no mirth behind it.

You found your usual place cuddled into his chest. “Goodnight my human teddy bear.” You joked.

“Goodnight my beautiful doll.”

It was one of those rare times, you were awake before Jaehyun. Usually you would wake up in a cloud of confusion, wondering what events you had to do that day or other random thing. But, there was nothing, just clarity. You grabbed a piece of hair and started to tickle Jaehyun’s nose. His hand was on your side, so on instinct he tickled you back. You’re laughter brought him out of his dreamy state. 

“Stop, I need your undivided attention.” You giggled trying to come down from laughing. 

“You always have my attention.” He smiled, draping his arm back over your side.

“Thanks.” You started. “I need to say this before I overthink or wuss out. So, I wanted to say this last night, but I had alcohol in my system and I'm not tactless. But, you were doing the most mundane thing and I swear my heart was going a mile a minute which is becoming a frequent thing. I was going to wait till Christmas to make a grand display of my feelings while I gave you your really lame gift, but that’s not how I am and that’s not what love is to me. It’s the feeling I have right now warm in your arms with messy hair and sleep in my eyes, which is fine because you tell me I'm beautiful every morning.” You smiled. “I love you Jaehyun.”

“I know.” He whispered, smile beaming brighter than ever. You move your arm to hit his chest, but was stopped when he grabbed your face and place a kiss that took your breath away. Your eyes fluttered close and you let yourself get sucked into his warmth. He slowly pulled away and bumped foreheads with you. The laughter that left him was that of a child on Christmas day. Pure happiness. It was infectious and you found yourself laughing too. Grabbing his cheek, you placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

“I love you dummy.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #244

“you could stand me up at the gates of hell, but i won’t back down.”

What accent do you find most difficult to understand? Heavy southern. Has your music taste changed over the years? Not very. I do like more indie stuff now than I used to, though. What movie never fails to make you cry? The Notebook. What movies do you think need a sequel? Hm... I'm sure there's plenty, but they're evading me for now. Let's see... yeah idk. Do you have to see it to believe it? I mean it depends; see what exactly? But in general, yeah. I believe in spirits, maybe even auras, stuff like that. What was the last thing you bought for yourself? Food. Do you like 3D movies? Yeah, they're cool. Have you ever had breakfast in bed? Not the "my partner brought me food and it's romantic" type of way; I've just eaten breakfast food in bed. Have you ever practiced kissing on a stuffed animal? No, that's always been. p wild to me. Do you still talk to your childhood friends? A few. True/False: You live with your parents. Just one. At the dinner table do you always sit in the same chair? We rarely eat at the table, but generally, yes. Is your signature legible? I think so. Have you met any bands/singers? No. Have you ever witnessed a miracle? No. Do you know someone that looks better as they age? *shrugs* Do you know the order of the colors of the rainbow? Yes. Do you sometimes wish you were the opposite gender? No. Have you ever kissed a picture? of who? I don’t think so. Did/do you distract your teachers to get them to tell you stories? I didn't really speak in class unless I was pretty sure I had the answer to a question or had a serious question myself. Who makes you feel like you’re worth something? My mom, more than anyone. Do you remember a lot of your childhood? Yeah. I have a crazy vivid long-term memory. How many pets is too many? Depends on available space as well as what you can afford to care for sufficiently. Do you stare at dead people in a movie to see if you can catch them moving? lol no. Does your hand fit inside a Pringles container? Probably. I can curl my thumb really inward to make space. Do you know who your maid of honor/best man will be? Sara, unless I end up marrying her lmao. In that case, it'd be Mom. If you had the opportunity to be famous, would you take it? I don't like the term "famous" for me personally, but rather "well-known" for a photographer. What is your favorite healthy snack? Strawberries, I guess? What is the best song by your favorite artist/band? I HAVE TO???????? PICK???????????? Oh jeez. At least right now, "Time" is one that I hold incredibly close to my heart and usually brings me to tears because it reminds me of Teddy. It's just a beautiful song. I'd say overall, probably "Trap Door." It's cool as hell. How many times did your phone ring today? None. What theme do you want for your wedding? Halloween/fall-ish. How much do you spend a month on make-up? Nothing. Do you have any of your future children’s names picked out? I don't want kids, but if I did, Alessandra Quinn is the girl and my spouse cannot argue, and I'd love Damien Vance or Damien Victor for a boy. What was your favorite childhood meal? Spaghetti. Would you ever date someone over the internet? I don't *think* I'd do it again, no, unless it was Sara and we were actually making arrangements to move in together ASAP. Do you find it hard to believe that a dinosaur was once right where you are? No, but rather cool as hell. What is your favorite part of the movie “The Lion King”? The intro (up to where the title pops up, not just NAAAAAAAAAAAAASEBENYAAAAAAAAAAA). It's just... magical. I, without fail, get goosebumps all over and smile. Do you have any bug bites atm? No. Do you knock before entering someone’s room? Yeah. What was the last thing you shot in the garbage? Like, shot as a basketball? Probably just paper or something. Would you freak out if you saw a spider crawling on you right now? Fuck yes I would. Who did you last call beautiful? Venus, my snake. Have you ever used a tanning bed? Nooooooo. Do you think people will eventually stop believing in God? Oh, absolutely not. The belief in some sort of higher power has evolved since the dawn of civilization, so why would it stop? Do you and your best friend have the same favorite band? No. Do you prefer watching movies or playing video games? Vidya games. Have you ever been go-cart racing? Ha ha yeah, fun. Up in NY with my cousins. How many jobs have you had in your life? Three. Does your shower have a door or curtains? Two curtains. Do you have any posters of your favorite band on your walls? Metallica and Manson, yeah. Are you good at remembering names? NOOOOOOOO. Have you been outside today? No. Have you ever walked the opposite direction on an escalator? No. When making pancakes, do you try to make cool shapes/pictures? No. Do you use your hand when you’re explaining something? Oh yeah. Do you play a lot of video games? Not anymore, really. I would, but I can't afford a new console. I want a PS4 super badly (hell, even a PS3) to play new games, especially ones I haven't seen let's plays of. You can only replay a game so many times before you get bored, y'know? The only game I play regularly is WoW and that's because it has like... endless content to do. Who is your favorite Disney princess? Probably Jasmine. What word do you hate that people use often? (yolo, derp..) None off the top of my head. I just don't care. When was the last time you had hiccups? Idr. Have you ever thrown up from drinking too much alcohol? No. Do you ever buy the same piece of clothing, just in different colors? No. What is the last movie you saw in a theater? The live action The Lion King, I think. How many bank accounts do you have? I don't think I even have one... I know Mom was talking about opening me up one, but like, why. I don't make an income. Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama? Oh sure. Do you attend church regularly? I never go. Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? Good. Shit. They have THE best chocolate milkshakes. Do you tend to worry a lot? Only always! How old were you when you lost your first tooth? Idr. Do you remember your first time on the internet? Not really, no. Which website do you email from? Hotmail. Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? Yeah. Do a lot of people dislike you or is it the other way around? Idk. Have you ever had the flu? No, knock on wood. What about strep throat? Yeah. Would you ever consider going on a cruise? No. What is your biggest insecurity? My more "different" interests/hobbies. Have you ever painted a room alone? No. Speaking of which, when did you last paint your room? Never. Have you ever had a terrible hangover? No. Do you ever get migraines? Rarely. Do you know how to garden? I mean, I could put it together... What was the last thing you plugged into an outlet? A phone charger. Do people consider you to be a funny person? I don't know. Do you like children? No. If not, why is this? I'm just... uncomfortable and feel like I'm playing with slime against my will or some shit any time I'm in their presence. I don't like how they stare, I don't like how rude they can be, I hate how demanding they are of attention (YES, I am aware that is healthy behavior for the baby of a social species, I just can't provide it), they ask too many questions... I have a lot of reasons I don't like them. Is there a big age difference between you and the person you like? No. What is the most amusing thing on the internet, in your opinion? YouTube, I guess? Does the future excite you or scare you? Both. What do you plan on doing with the rest of your life? I don't want to think on this. How many huge secrets do you have? I don't know about *huge* secrets... How many people know these secrets? ^ How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Do you ever floss? Not really, oops. Have you ever been in a long-term relationship? Two. Ever considered suicide? Yes. If so, did you try to commit suicide? Yes. Is there anyone out there who makes you feel completely useless? No. Do you like texting or calling people more? TEXTING. Don't call me omg. Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? Yeah. When did you last babysit, if ever? I actually did last week in an emergency situation with my nephew. I was the one and only person capable due to everyone being sick. I was scared as shit and very anxious the whole time, but I did it. Ultimately, it was a good bonding experience for us. Do you have any younger siblings? Yes, one sister. Have you ever thought of someone as useless? I'm sure I've thought of myself like that before. Have you ever considered bleaching your hair? Not to remain blonde, no, but I did that on the occasion I dyed it purple, I think. Do you drink vitamin water? No. Are there any old movies you absolutely love? Well of course. Have you ever had a Big Mac before? No, it doesn't appeal to me. Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? I don't know or care. Where is your favorite place to travel? Mountainous and wooded areas. What is your goal for the next few months? Do well in school, get back into driving, maybe get a job I can actually handle. Can you count to ten in another language other than your own? German, yeah. And I think Spanish. Have you ever played on a sports team before? Yeah. If you have, what was that sport and when? All of these are from when I was a young kid. T-ball/softball, basketball, cheerleading, soccer... I think that's it? Oh wait, dance for many years as a pre-teen/teen. Have you ever filed a lawsuit on someone? No. Do you think you’re a good singer? Not really. Do you think you have a good sense of style? I don't care. What matters is I myself like what I wear. Do you enjoy reading often? No... but I want to get back into it. Have you ever had a deadly illness? No, thank goodness. Ever had food-poisoning before? No. Where did you last eat dinner at? Like, eat out? I think it was a local Mexican restaurant with Mom and the sis. Have you ever shot a gun before? No. Where do you apply cologne or perfume? My neck and just generally around my torso. I don't really pay attention to exactly where. What completely and totally disgusts you and turns you off? Disrespect is what came to mind first this instance. What song makes you laugh when you hear it? I'unno. Do you take surveys hoping someone will see your answers or just ‘because’? Just because. It's a time-killer and a way for me to just. Talk. Not at anyone, just to get thoughts out of my head. It's therapeutic to me. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? Chocolate or vanilla, depending on my mood. What diet could you never do? "Raw." <<<< Yeah. Do you have a curfew? No, not that I ever leave the house. Do you actually like your job? N/A What is the last song you sang? I think it was "Ordinary Man" by Ozzy feat. Elton John. GOD I am ready for this album. Describe the best kiss you’ve ever experienced: Bro idk I've had a lot of those and I've never like ranked them in my head. Think to the last time someone said thank you to you, what had you done to earn it? I commented on my friend's picture that she was fUCKING BEAUTIFUL. Grab your cellular. When did you last receive a text message? Like three hours ago. Is there anything that’s worrying you at the moment? Just a lot. Honestly, do you wish there was someone still in your life who used to be but for whatever reason isn’t anymore? I mean yeah, there' s multiple people like that. Who in your household do you not have a good relationship with? My sister's dog. Who in your life are you scared to lose more than anything? Mom.

[awed-frog]

I saw your notes on the outrageous post about the 1% and I couldn't help but be curious about they things your friend experienced...

Hi there! So, yeah, it’s kind of a freakish story, because Iwent to high school with this girl - we were in the same class, andshe was so sweet - the bookwormish and Did you know there’sa wasp called Aha ha and ‘save the whales’ kind ofstudent, you know? And after graduating, she studied maths, and thenwe sort of lost touch - I heard she was working in London when I wasliving in the UK, so I reached out and got a very weird email back.We finally met on a train, just randomly, about five years afterthat, and that’s when she told me what had happened to her.

[Disclaimer: I’m not saying all banks and consulting companiesare cults, but if how much money you make depends on how many peopleyou screw over, then maybe it’s normal you attract a crowd ofpsychopaths and pathological narcissists, and things generally godownhill from there.]

So, the thing is - with a maths degree, you can do a lot of stuff,but my friend had a bit of an adulting crisis at the end of herstudies, because, she told me, every choice seemed so very permanentand she wasn’t ready to commit to a 3-years research program orteacher training or whatever, and this is when she was headhunted bythe banking industry and basically they made her believe they’d bethe right fit for her.

(And let me just say - because of my Oxford degree, I’ve beentargeted as well, and that one evening I spent with them remains oneof the scariest beyond the looking glass shit I’veever experienced in my life.)

Of course, their offer is dreamy - a flexible whatever, she leaveswhen she wants, she gets a free course in what they need her to do, asalary with a shitton of zeroes and the job is based infucking London - and at this point, my friend isstill a normal a kid and she’s thinking, I’m notenthusiastic about what banks get up to and it’s not the mostinteresting thing I could do with my degree, but hey, maybe I canlive in the UK for a couple of years and make some money and thenfind something better. And so off she went, and as she told meabout how she found her first flat, well, that’s the same thing Iwas going through in that same period some sixty miles away, becauseshe still had a normal budget (what she’d saved till then? summerjobs and grandparents’ gifts and some paid grading) and it’s hardto find a reasonably priced room in London, so she had to picksomething that was more than one hour away from the City and thatsounded like a very boring and long commute, but hey, London! And atthis point, you know, she looked out of the window, and her storystarted to become a bit more disconnected, jumping back and forth, soI’ll try to piece it together chronologically, but man, it wasreally chilling to hear it out of order, and I wish you’d beenthere with me because I don’t know how well I can put it intowords.

Anyway, so the first thing that’s a problem are her clothes: shecan see that as soon as she steps into the place, the way people lookat her, and she doesn’t get it, because she’s wearing this smartpantsuit she’s already uncomfortable in, and what the fuck? Andluckily she doesn’t have to wonder long, because that’s, like,the first thing her boss (a man) says to her: that she can’t dresslike that, because she’s going to meet clients from time to timeand that’s just not appropriate and my friend - a shy 23-year-oldwho grew up in the mountains, in a village of 46 people - stilldoesn’t know what she’s doing wrong, exactly, and it’sso embarrassing, because this is a man twenty years hersenior and her boss and she’s talking to her like she’s naked orsome shit, and finally - finally - he explains that she can’t buyoff the rack - tailor-made only, please. And she’s so stunned shejust babbles that she can’t afford that and this guy - this guytakes his wallet and places, like, 10 000 pounds on the deskand Please go get changed. 

(“It was like Pretty Woman,” my friendsaid, “except creepier, because I didn’t know the rules. Ididn’t know, well - I was shocked. Like, was that a test? Should Itake the money or not? And if I take it, does that come out of mypaycheck? Is it a gift? Do I have a choice over the clothes I wear ornot? Should I stand up for myself or give up? How do I make a goodimpression here?”)

And the thing is, you want to be polite, right? You want to fitin. You assume other people know better. 

(Especially as a young woman.)

And so my friend took the money and said thank you and spent herfirst morning shopping in a weird luxury place that only had one ofeach and came with complimentary champagne and truffle-flavoured hamand there were no curtains and no changing rooms and she had to stripdown to her underwear right in front of the saleswoman, but it alsodidn’t matter because she was the only customer and the shop lookedlike someone’s living room and again, what are the rules? 

And the thing is - the way she described it, every day was likethat in several small, insidious ways, every day there were athousand moments when she didn’t know what people expected fromher, and slowly the desire to be a good colleague turned into a thisis completely normal and how everyone lives thing and shedidn’t even notice it was happening.

Like, at first she’d been shocked by the price of meals. Peoplewould routinely order up food, or go out for dinner and spendthousands of pounds on one lunch. 

(Thousands. Of. Pounds.) 

And she’d been shocked by the rent of her new apartment (with a60-minute commute, she had maybe two hours of sleep a night, so shehad to move closer to the City), because £5000 a month? Back in uni,that had been her budget for a whole semester. And she’dbeen shocked by how many clothes and shoes and designer handbags sheseemed to be needing. And at how she’d stopped doing anything forherself, or having any control over her body - she never had the timeto cook, or even shop (her luxury kitchen was pristine, her fridgeempty), and someone would come into work and do her hair and nailsand whatever else it is that women need and barely ask her aboutstyle and colour because they could see she was out of her depth.

(“You remember how I was before, right? When I first arrived inLondon, I didn’t know how foundation worked. I never painted mynails, either. For job interviews and stuff I’d wear some of thateasy-to-apply eyeliner and mascara and feel like Greta Garbo, but inmy office, it was considered - people just frowned at you, you know?Or disregarded your wishes, or whatever. One day - it must have beena week after I started - a beautician just showed up, started talkingto me as if we’d arranged an appointment, asked me to chose betweenfour shades of pink that looked the same to me. Turns out, acolleague had told her to come to me next, already paid for it, sowhat do you do? I had to sit there in front of everybody and let thiswoman do my nails - I felt like an animal in a zoo, but nobody waslooking at me, nobody found it weird.”) 

And, look, I can’t really explain it the way she did, but whathappened next was that she didn’t have time to come home for avisit for, like, eight months, and when she finally showed upeveryone was half proud, half terrified, because yeah, she lookedgood and rich and successful, but she was also -completely different? When she’d left, she’d beenthis normal kid, vaguely left-wing, who’d liked hiking and onlyowned sport bras, and now she was - she was weird. Shehad no sense of reality. No compassion for anything or anyone. Shewas cold, annoyed by everything, incredulous at the fact herfavourite brands were not available in local shops, insisting thather parents and siblings should buy this and that to make their livesbetter. She ended up fighting with mostly everyone and going back toLondon after three days, and in the year after that, she only tookholidays with colleagues - three days of snorkeling in Kenya, aprivate plane party, a weekend of golfing in Scotland - and now shewas the one ordering the most expensive bottle on the menu androlling her eyes at badly-dressed interns, because - she’d made it.She was the 1%. 

(Or would get there, anyway.)  

Luckily, there’s a happy ending, and it’s surprisinglyanticlimatic. 

One night, my friend looked up from a party of high-endprostitutes and drunken antics and she suddenly saw how crazy andunhealthy it all was. It just happened. She looked at the woman onher left, snorting cocaine and laughing, and then at the man on herright, who had a stripper on his lap, and she just - stood up andleft. The very next day, she quit the firm, donated half her earningsto charity, travelled through South America for three months beforegoing back to university. Now she’s a researcher (she doessomething complicated to do with game theory, and I don’tunderstand any of it), and also - she’s back to her old lovelyself. She sees her friends, she gets on well with her family. She’skind. She’s normal. As I said - happy ending.