#included the grayscale cuz I liked it?idk lol

[catbongz]

Our eidolon of dread, we give to you this gift of foresight.

[valeisbeinghellaproductive]

May 23/4, 2021

Yo yo yo guys welcome to me being a very interesting productive person :) i will have 1 post per day just to boost productivity, some days may include smaller things & others may not, that’s not being i didn’t do those thing son other days, but some days you just need to boost yourself up more. this may lowkey turn into a diary (because the formatting of tumblr is every similar to evernote & honestly that’s all i need), but I’ll always summarize the stuff I did at the top, after a short paragraph like this :) I won’t interact with people much with this but I’d love if people followed so I’d feel like I wasn’t just yelling into the void. If I get more attached to Tumblr I may a more “social” blog later :)))))

i’m really happy tbh because this may be all it takes to feel self autonomy & get over my stupid ass executive dysfunctioning :)))

since i’ve given myself 9-now hours to do whatever i want, i have given some goals below, then for the 5 hours after that, before school stuff i HAVE to do :))))

9h-- btw if i do literally nothign here that’s ok, the goal is to do WHAT I WANT & not feel like time is running out or guilt myself for it, while still, y’know, not going into a depressive episode & avoiding the world

read, suggestions:

the history textbook, if you feel so inclined, lol

gender theory

communist theory

the great gatsby

a brief history of time

dd (location unknown)

anna kareina

the music theory 1 !!!

sister’s superhero book

tumble & blue ig

library-- renew shit, bike there, make the list

sewing-- pants

learn knitting, crotcheting

playing i/me/yself or cruella de vil on piano

duolingo

finish get access

write a song !!

go biking

make the lsit of things to text people-- text & call people because you CAN

clean room, dubay, eat

bike for boba/ice cream

meet someone

ab w/o, general w/o

learn 3d modeling (that app)

learn how to remix things

organize phone :/

add the discord attachments

brush teeth :D

redraw OCs (esp. they)

go skateboarding, rollerblading

mentally prepare for working HARD <3

make an animation

sew patterns on clothes

content creation

i’ll add more as i find more

as the halfway point is reached, some rather specific things i’d like to do:

go on a short walk/skateboarding

finish 3 books (specifically the communist manifesto, a brief history in time, & anything else)

read my friends fanfic & look through her PPT

draw several pages of art, specifically anatomy/posing & cats

finish the OC

finish another art piece PLEASE

draw myself another profile picture

go on a midnight fruit picnic (& brush my teeth @ back)

clean my room

do the dumbass w/o <3

laundry

take out the dubay

broom downstairs (?)

play a SHORT EASY song on the guitar

play i/me/myself, at least partially, on piano

write for an hour <3

chapstick

LOOK HOW MUCH POTENTIAL LESS THAN  DAY HAS !!

5h

japanese video lesson thing

japanese script (send to tutor, actually)

precalc 2 vls

precalc 3.5 wa s

precalc review

+ extra notes

chem wa

precalc check tests

chem WS

english reread that part of life of pi

history read & take notes from textbook

japanese extra notes

chem review notes

pi project

ok so this whole thing was lowkey a test on, if i could literally do “anything”, limited only by my fear & laziness, what would i do? because otherwise, tbh guys, i’m either chasing something or avoiding the chase. point is, Sudbury schools would do WONDERS for me, so far, i have:

texted a friend :) (she did text me first, but i don’t think you get how rare it is for me to have a conversation)

gone on a discord voice call (on a study server tbh, but some dude gave me a friend request swo O-o)

i streamed on twitch?? & like changed up the whole channel look too?

i literally wasn’t toxically on social media-- possibly because i impulsively deleted tiktok while breaking down & freed up THIRTY FIVE PERCENT of my storage, cuz of the # of drafts... ANYWAY uhhhh i try not to think about it

i embroidered half a flower

i listened to the beginning of the communist manifesto

i drew a draft of my OC redesign

more reflection: if there was a healthy way to mix my hobbies into creativity, i would do it, but my inherent opposition to authority & things i’m “supposed to” do, no matter how fun they’d theoretically be ++ my parents being toxic as hell if i EVER take a break leading to issues w the grayscale means it would be much harder, & the main issue in my situation rn + previous situations has been my procrastination meaning the 2 separate like oil & water but my free time is only anxiously & attempting-to-dissociate-ly spent :/ idk how to explain the grayscale comment tbh, so hopefully it makes sense