#incorrect picg

[incorrectcooldojidanshi]

[shun and souma, sitting in jail] souma: so, who should we call? shun: i'd call big sis, but i feel safer in jail

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mima, walking into his place: hello, people who don't live here shun: what's up? hayate: hello souma: hi! mima: i gave you guys a key for emergencies only shun: we were out of chips

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souma: if i die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you're all invited. hayate: if? shun: great, the only party i've ever been invited to and he might not even die

[incorrectcooldojidanshi]

souta: let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me souma: okay, but in my defense, shun bet me 100 yen i couldn’t drink all that shampoo. souta: that’s not what i wanted to—you drank shampoo?

[incorrectcooldojidanshi]

souma: you know, it’s fine to admit you were wrong shun, taking a sip of his drink after accidentally adding salt: i just like the way it tastes

[incorrectcooldojidanshi]

shun: on a scale from “damn daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling? souma: in between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat captain america?”, but as a solid answer i would say “i don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. what about you, hayate? hayate: probably “road work ahead”, to be honest with you. igarashi: i speak many languages, and this is none of them.

[incorrectcooldojidanshi]

souma: that’s one of my biggest fears. like, if i ever woke up as a donut . . . shun: you would eat yourself? souma: i wouldn’t even question it.

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souma: hayate, hey! how are you today? hayate: please don't make me think about my life

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souma, knitting: gotta love knitting needles! i can make a scarf, i can make a hat, i can stab somebody's eyes out, i can make mittens . . . shun: whoa, wait, what was that middle part? souma: i can make mittens!

[incorrectcooldojidanshi]

souta: are you drinking pepsi for breakfast? souma: yeah. what did you have for breakfast? souta: nothing. souma: i'm doing better than you, then.

[incorrectcooldojidanshi]

souta: do you guys have a favorite horror movie? souma: it shun: annabelle hayate: high school musical. after watching it i spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and i’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

[incorrectcooldojidanshi]

igarashi: everyone, synchronize your watches. souma: i don’t know how to do that. hayate: i don’t wear a watch. shun: time is a construct.

[incorrectcooldojidanshi]

momosaki: jumping out of a helicopter just seems so dangerous! igarashi: yep. you know, they say 1 in 5 people don't even make it to the ground. momosaki: wow! souta: what do you mean they don't make it to the ground? where do they go?

[incorrectcooldojidanshi]

ririka: bye shun-chan! bye hayate-chan! bye souma-chan! bye uncle motoharu! bye shun-chan! mima: you said "bye shun-chan" twice. ririka: i like shun-chan

[incorrectcooldojidanshi]

igarashi, pointing: may i sit there? mima: that's my lap? igarashi: that doesn't answer my question, takayuki

[wordpress-blaze-157764418]

numb little bug

I want to start this off by saying—loud and proud—I am a BIG believer in mental health treatment, medication, therapy, Reiki, moon water, yelling into the void... whatever it takes to feel okay again when you’re not.

That said, this is not a post about bashing meds. This is a post about finding the right ones—and the very real hell of wandering through the wrong ones like you're in the world's most depressing pharmacy-themed escape room.

For years, I was in and out of medication. I always had this mental image of the version of me I wanted to be—happy, light, energetic, sarcastic in a charming way (not the burnt-out feral goblin flavor). And for a while, I was that person. I was active, smiling, fun, present. A good mom, a good friend, a good me.

Then life did that thing it does. You know, where it sucker punches you and then asks why you’re crying.

Between COVID, burnout, isolation, and the thousand papercuts of adulthood, I slowly became a version of myself I didn’t recognize. Introverted became full-on hermit. I hated leaving the house. Hated even thinking about it. I was trapped in a cycle: Work. Home. Despair. Insomnia. Repeat.

And because life wasn’t spicy enough, I started drinking way too much and mentally berating myself for not “getting it together.” I thought, I used to be strong. I used to be fun. I used to laugh more. So, like any exhausted, overwhelmed, emotionally constipated healthcare worker, I went to the doctor.

We ran through the Greatest Hits: insomnia, panic attacks, depression, that “everything is wrong but I’m still somehow functioning” vibe. I’d always been high-strung, perfectionistic, a bit of a control freak (Type A, but make it spicy). Eventually I was tested for ADHD and autism—and surprise! My brain’s just a limited-edition collector’s item.

I left with a pile of prescriptions and a flicker of hope that maybe this was the start of getting myself back.

At first? Magic. I was sleeping. I wasn’t panicking. I didn’t care so much if the towels weren’t folded the “correct” way (and that’s saying something). But… I still wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel like me. I felt numb. And yeah, numb can feel like “better” compared to raw despair—but eventually, it’s just another prison.

New meds, new hope, same result.

I was exhausted no matter how long I slept. I was hiding in bed from my own life. I watched my dogs—who just wanted to play with me—lay by my bed like little furry emotional support sentinels. My kids needed me, and I couldn’t reach them from whatever fog I was buried in.

It got dark. Really dark. Like “do I even want to keep doing this?” dark.

I finally sat with my little cocktail of pills and wondered: what if part of what’s wrong is right here in this pile? SSRI after SSRI, they numbed me, but never healed me.

So I did what you’re not supposed to do (don’t be like me, seriously), and I stopped everything except my sleeping meds. Withdrawal was like fighting a demon in a Walmart parking lot with flip-flops on—but eventually, I surfaced. And something weird happened.

I started to feel… better.

But of course, life tossed another curveball and my anxiety and panic attacks came storming back in like they were late for a meeting. So I went back to the doctor, hat in hand, feeling like an idiot. Another SSRI. Round four. Spoiler: it did not fix me. I was back to dragging myself out of bed, missing out on life, watching time with my kids and dogs vanish into a medicated haze.

So yeah, I finally said, enough. We tried a different class—an SNRI this time, with Wellbutrin in the mix.

And then…

I. Woke. Up.

Like really woke up.

I felt rested without a pharmacy’s worth of pills. I cleaned my kitchen at 10 p.m. because I wanted to. I started talking with my kids again, asking questions about their lives and actually being present. I didn’t cancel plans last-minute. I walked the dogs. I got up the first time my alarm rang. I didn't feel like I was existing in some doomsday fog. I started living again.

The worst part of feeling good again is realizing how long you didn’t. How much you missed. How much of yourself you lost—and how alone you felt in that hollow space.

And I’ll be honest, I still wake up wondering if it’ll slip away again. If it’ll all fade back into the haze of too-much-and-not-enough.

Because here’s the truth people don’t talk about enough: not all meds work the same for everyone. SSRIs, SNRIs, tricyclics… it’s all trial and error. And error. And another error. And then maybe a win.

You think you’re doing everything right—taking your meds, seeing your doctor, checking all the boxes—and you still feel like a ghost in your own life. And worse, no one gets it. They don’t understand why you can’t just “come out,” or “go for a walk,” or “snap out of it.” They don’t understand the bone-deep shame of missing your kid’s milestones because you were too tired or anxious to get off the couch. They don’t get that you want to do things, but your brain has other plans—usually involving doom spirals or hiding under weighted blankets.

But if you’re in that space right now, let me say this: Don’t settle for half of you.

Keep going. Try the next thing. Advocate for yourself like your life depends on it—because sometimes, it really does.

I’m still on medication. I’ll likely always be. But now, I’m on the right ones. And for the first time in years, I feel like myself again.

Not numb. Not empty. Not just surviving.

Me. Whole. Here. Living.

And that… makes all the difference.

Source: numb little bug

[incorrectcooldojidanshi]

shun: physically, yes, i could fight a bird. but emotionally? imagine the toll