#inna toys gently with hair

[the-fiction-witch]

I'm Bored

Media IRL

Character Thomas Brodie Sangster

Couple Thomas X Reader

Rating Smut

Concept ...why does every girl I have sex with say that

Smut making out/ full sex / cowgirl / biting

I for a moment pondered how I was to execute my plan, I needed a gullible individual. Hummmm.... I know a gullible individual!

I made sure to fix my hair in the car's mirror touching up my lipstick and my special little push-up bra before getting out of my car and hurrying up his path ringing the little doorbell. Soon enough the door opened revealing him. Stood in his doorway, barefoot, in blue suit trousers, a black silky button down his usual chain around his neck, his hand going through his slightly damp hair

"Ohh uhh hi y/n" he smiled at me looking me over as he spoke his eyes quickly meeting my cleavage but looking to my face attempting to pretend he hadn't seen even if he did glance at it again before I had even spoken.

"Hi Tommy" I Cooed giving his cheekbone a little rub with my chuckle as I stepped into his house and past him scurrying into his living room

"Uhhh come in I guess?" He shrugs shutting the door and following me through "to what do I owe the pleasure of your unexpected visit?" He asks

"I'm bored" I smirked throwing my jacket on the dining chair and revealing my dress properly which again caused him to look me over

"Right?" He asks a little confused

"Are you going anywhere today?"

"I need to buy butter but other than that no. Why?"

"Good. Take your pants off and find a condom I'll go wait on your bed" I told him giving his cheek a kiss and heading up his staircase

"..... Oh. I didn't realize you were that sort of bored." He smiled blushing hard but happily following me up

"We have a code Thomas" I laughed kicking my dress off and sitting on his bed

"Yes and I'm an idiot and need to be reminded every so often" he complained as he arrived at his bedroom shutting the door behind him eagerly "you could have texted me"

"Yeah. Where's your phone?"

".... Touche" he sighed "you do know there are other options right? You don't have to drive over here every time you're horny? Not that I'm saying I don't enjoy when you do," he says working on getting his shirt off

"Thomas" I giggled getting up as he tossed his shirt with my dress, immediately I hooked my fingers in his waistband and closed the gap between us "stop talking yourself out of a sale"

"Right. Sorry." He smiled, and he gently closed the gap remaining between our lips, he was slow and soft his eyes fluttering shut within seconds of our lips touching his hand coming to cradle my jaw as we kissed softly moving our lips against each other but I didn't want to wait, I undid his pants for him which made him gasp a little which was enough to take the advantage slipping my tongue into his mouth for a moment he only stood in pure shock but melted into me in some ways literally as he began to toy with me opening his mouth more into our kiss, pressing his body against me as his pants dropped to his ankles I pulled back letting him get his breath back a second before I spoke

"Condom on. Against the headboard. And if there's time you can finish in missionary" I ordered moving to get my shoes and my panties off

"Uh. Yes, mam." He nods eagerly kicking his boxers off and jumping on his bed against the headboard grabbing a condom from his bedside draw

"That good?" I asked

"Uhhh?" He muttered, finishing rolling it down his erection and grabbing the wrapper her has ripped open "yeah good till November next year." He says

"Good" I smiled climbing onto the bed and into his lap, it took a couple of gentle hip thrusts before he slipped inside me but as soon as he did I sighed in relief from this ache, I continued moving my hips Inna soft rhythm with his hands on my hips gently guiding me through his waves of pleasure, just hearing his gasps and moans where enough to fuel my movements, I began getting a little faster and more intense with my movements and I slightly giggled pressing kisses to his neck "thin feel?"

"It's all I have left. We must have used up all the ribbed ones last week" he smirked

"Good" I smirked holding him tighter becoming much more merciless borderline ignoring his whines and groans

"Fuck - y/n baby." He groans moving his hands from my hips to my ass given he wasn't guiding me at all now, I only continued desperate for the little bubbles in my stomach to become more than that getting faster and faster I knew I was close to gripping his arms and back often running my nails down his skin as well as slightly biting on his neck until I hit my wall squealing not loudly but passionately as the wave of pleasure rushed through my every limb and then my body collapsing against his gasping for breath "you can uh" I began once I had my strength back given he hadn't moved since I had my orgasm but I noticed as I laid on his chest how fast his own breaths where

"I'm good. I uhh I'm done too"

"Really?"

"I can't help it when I feel you cum baby" he Cooes

I collapsed against the mattress trying to get my breath back pulling the covers closer to my body.

"Whoa."

"Yeah" I gasped fixing my hair a little

"May I say something?"

"Go on."

"That is the best orgasum I've had in a while"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You're welcome" I smiled giving his cheek a kiss "you did good too"

"Good?"

"Five stars. Would recommend"

"Isn't that the exact same thing you say about nice Uber drivers?"

"I got where I wanted to go didn't I?"

"True."

"But. This is a secret. We will never mention it again. Like it never happened" I told him sitting up and starting to redress "...why does every girl I have sex with say that?"

"All of them?"

"The last sixteen yes."

"Awwwww. Don't say stuff like that it makes me sad" I whined giving him a hug "you'll find a lovely girly soon. I'm sure" I smiled before hurrying to the door

"I already found one."

"See. That. Use that on a pretty girl. And maybe she'll admit to sleeping with you" I smiled

"Hey y/n?"

"Yeah?"

"A kiss? Before you go" he asks do I smiled going and giving him a little kiss "lock the door on your way out"

"I will." I smiled blowing him a kiss before heading down to my car.

[of-stardust-and-wanderlust]

OCs Flirting: Angels Edition

Tagged by @rekkingcrew!

Ki’anya (i’ve used that top gif for Ki’anya before but it fits so well imma include two!)

Inna

Woad (bless u woad but u cant flirt for shit)

Taks

Hrenli

Striker

[sewrb]

Enjoy some klausper fan fiction ༶•┈┈⛧┈♛༶•┈┈⛧┈♛

He faded away, Just like that, without even saying goodbye. Jesper never understood why Klaus just vanished, and his mind could never wrap around what he did wrong. Did Jesper hurt Klaus? Was Klaus sick and he just died? How could the man never know? Each thought making his mind think that jesper was the issue, making jesper hate himself more. What is the issue? Did he genuinely upset Klaus enough for him to just leave everything behind and run away. It couldn't be that true, could it? Jesper fixated on these thoughts for 2 weeks after what happened, then it soon became 3 months, 6,9, and more. Each passing day Jesper spent his time in the cabin.

He never got the chance to confess his feelings so he just stayed there in Klaus's smell and atmosphere. Every day he walked around feeling the small toys that were left behind, walking up the stairs and looking at the postures left over. Jesper even stared at Lydia's photos hoping Klaus was with his true love. That's something he hated losing about himself, taking Klaus away from his Lydia. Jesper sighed and picked up the picture frame, his eyes glued to Lydia. They then moved to Klaus, he looked so young and happy. Their height is still somewhat funny to jesper.

Jesper gently sat the picture down before leaving it as he walked off. He always hoped Klaus was back with his love, even if jesper loved the man. He knew they weren't meant to be, and at some point he was okay with that, even if it hurt. Jesper walked to the fore place and posted water on it, watching the smoke rise up through the chimney. He then turned and went to Klaus's old chair taking a seat, their size baffled him, but at this point he didn't mind. As it is true , late jesper yawned more, even if he was tired his body was sadly used to it, he barely slept, he just couldn't.

But, some nights he got lucky and ended up falling asleep in the chair. It's not too comfortable but he still likes resting in it, it reminds him of Klaus and it makes him happy. Through the days he finds himself growing more exhausted, his body just staring at the family tree, or what was supposed to be the family tree. It hurts him to look at it, but most days he just stands there, watching it, wishing Klaus got the family he so wanted.

Each day grows longer and more drawn out. Most days staying a dull grey, with a freezing breeze. This cold weather never worried him, any time it snowed bad, he'd be safe in the cabin. Even after the weather jesper would still stay hidden, Jesper eventually stopped taking care of himself, eye bags growing darker. His face got droopy and his skin wasn't as smooth due to his incoming facial hair. Jesper completely let himself go and there was nothing he could do to help himself. The male was tired and he just stopped caring.

At one point he pushed everyone away, they stopped visiting him, and Mogens even started to help post the letters due to jespers absence. This didn't help anyone, and their worry grew, but due to jespers moods he let everyone know how he felt. Letting the townspeople understand he doesn't want anything to do with them anymore. This hurt them, but they decided it would be easier to abide by his wishes and leave him fully in the dark.

During the night jesper stayed up, his body wrapped in Klaus's large winter coat, the smell of trees and firewood circling around him. His emotions out of control and his fear growing more tears started to fill his chocolate eyes. A small sniffle coming from the complete silence around him. Jesper finally let things out and showed how exhausted he was. Thick and heady tears rolled down his cheek and he let all his kept up emotions go as if they were nothing. His body stayed rolled up in a ball, his knees pressed to his chest. Jesper reached out and grabbed Klaus's pillow, wrapping his lanky arms around it.

Jesper layed there just letting the tears hit the pillow, his face buried so deep he almost couldn't breath. This comforted him most nights but nights like this were different. Christmas time was always different, especially for the blonde male. He tried not to think about it but his mind made him feel worse about the holidays. Each night getting close he found it harder to sleep, hoping Klaus would come back to him, only hoping… Most years he would sleep through everything, just to make things easy, only to regret it when morning comes.

Jesper looked out from the coat and sighed as he felt cold air blow on him. He tried to ignore the feeling but soon gave up and slowly got up. His feet hitting the cold floor causing the man to shiver, he picked up the coat and wrapped it around his body. It was heavy but it was fuzzy so it worked well enough for him. Jesper walked to the window and peared outside, the snow softly falling, the reindeer cuddled together in their stable. He sighed and almost closed the window before hearing bells. Jesper froze then quickly poked his head out the window looking up at the sky. He quickly heard a familiar laugh.

Jesper slammed the window close and sprinted out the room heading to the living room, his heart stopped as he froze. In front of him Inna night red attire was Klaus, his Klaus… his cheeks red as a rose and his white hair covered with snow. The ex post man just stared waiting for the other to turn around. Once he did, Jesper wanted to run to him but his legs locked up and he collapsed to the ground, tears flooding his eyes. Jesper sobbed and Klaus quickly walked over picking the other up bridal style.

Jesper thought this was all a dream, or some wicked nightmare to mess with him, either way his arms were quickly around the other. His face buried into his chest and hugged for dear life. Klaus moved over and sat in his chair remembering the feeling. The older man gently rubbed jespers back "shhh it's okay jes.. I'm here" he muttered letting jesper calm down when he was ready. They stayed like that for a while, letting each other cuddle and show their affections through silence.

Klaus looked at jespers face from a side glace, and a small frown on his face as he noticed all the changes. Jesper looked tired, and worn out, he felt kinner too. Klaus knew this was just felt, especially after leaving him so suddenly. It hurt Klaus but he couldn't do anything about it, right now he was just worried about being near jesper for the small time they have together.

Jesper slowly looked up and cupped Klaus's cheek "a-are… am I dead.. " he muttered looking up at Klaus. The male chuckled and shook his head "no.. You are not dead jesper.. You're very much alive.. I'm just here with you" the older male smiled and gently kissed jespers forehead for reassurance.

Jesper just stared at Klaus, his eyes widened. A small blush formed on his face, he then looked down before speaking "where… Where did you go..? " he muttered, not wanting to see Klaus' sad expression.

"I.. Well.. It was my time jes.. And I had to leave. " he frowned "I didn't want to leave so. Soon.. But I say Lydia and.. Well.. I followed her. " he gently brushed away the jespers' tears. The blonde male looked up at Klaus "you.. You're back with her? " he smiled softly, he wouldn't be hurt if he was, Klaus needed to be with his lover, not some Postman

"Well.. Kinda.. We will always be together but Lydia wants me to be happy.. And she knows I'm happy with you.. Of course I still Love her.. But I love you more jesper.. I wasn't able to tell you before.. But now I can" he smiled looking into his eyes.

Jesper smiled and let his tears fall, right now he was too tired to think and stop his emotions, he just let go and melted into Klaus's touch. He finally felt comfortable and happy, but he knew this time would be over before he knew it. He was upset but he accepted it. Klaus then looked at jesper "I need a favor from you jesper.. " the other quickly looked up "what is it?.. " he muttered, wiping his tears.

"I need you to keep going.. I've been watching over you.. And I've seen how you're changed. I can even see it on your face" jesper looked down embarrassed while facing the truth, Klaus quickly made jesper look him in the eye "please.. Promise me you'll continue.. I know things are hard right now.. But I need to know you'll stay just a little longer.. Stay and have relationships with Alva and the townspeople.. Let them help you.." Klaus furrowed his eyeBrows hoping for a response.

Jesper obviously froze at this knowing how hard it would be to gain everyone's trust back, but he knew Klaus was right.. And he knew he had to get them back. The male then nodded his head gently "okay.. I'll try my best to stay.. And I'll get better slowly.. I promise Klaus" jesper softly smiled, gently nuzzling their noses together. He cared about klaus and wanted to show that he would take his words too hard. Jesper will get better, and he becomes better he'll make Klaus proud.

"Thank you jesper.. Now.. I know you aren't ready.. But I need to go.. " Klaus frowned watching jespers expressions change "go.. Go where… you just got here" the postman said frantically, he wasn't ready for Klaus to leave yet, he still wanted time with him. Jesper clung to the other and hid his face on the other's neck. Klaus sighed and stood up

"I know you don't wanna see me go this soon.. But I have other houses to get to… and I want you to stay with me forever, but it ain't your time yet.. It won't be your time for a while. " he gently put jesper on the chair "I will always be with you.. And I'll always love you… you mean so much to me jesper.. And I'll never stop thinking about you." Klaus gently kissed jesper.

The other just sitting there not wanting to cry any more tears "I.. I love you too Klaus… and I'll miss you.. So.. So much" jesper wiped away his tears " I promise I'll get better.. Then you can come back and be proud of me.." Jesper grinned and quickly stood up just to embrace Klaus. He'll make Klaus proud and he'll show he can get better.. Not only for him, but for everyone else.

" I believe in you dear.. And I know you can do it.. I'll check on you every Christmas.. I'll see you anytime I can.. I promise " Klaus looked at jesper as tears flooded his eyes, they shared one last kiss before jesper was back alone in the living room. The male was confused and sad, but he promised Klaus and he wanted to keep true to that promise.

It's going to take a long time, but it will be completely worth it.

[mouser26]

An oldie but a goodie

So in light of realizing I really don’t have a lot of Mags stories on here I decided to go dig through my old DA account and see if anything survived since I wasn’t the best at cross posting from Y!...and now I feel old cause Y! went down in 2016 and now is back apparently....so yeah  ANYWAYS!!!! Enjoy a gently edited (oh god this was posted how long with those errors?!) first time I and Foxy ever collabed from Nov 2008 aka the First time Mags and Cassius met The Barcrawl ( and to any new readers.....yeah Cassius just talks like that 

Cassius hated Canadian pubs. They insisted on calling them bars, and they never had the right food. How was a guy supposed to enjoy his beer without a proper accompaniment? And why had the yellow insisted on meeting here?

“Oy! You in the purple!” a strident woman’s voice rang out. “Your people tried to blow up my brother!”

“Dat’s righ’,” Cassius rumbled, sipping his beer, “but not me pers’nally. I doan do good wit splosives.”

“Well, I don’t see anyone else here,” she retorted. “Maybe I ought to take a down payment in lumps out of you!”

“I warns yer, lady,” Cassius growled. “I’s tougher dan I looks.”

“You don’t look so tough to me!” Magenta challenged.

“Wow, mouffy AN’ blind,” Cassius rumbled. “You got it bad, sister.”

Magenta’s face grew rosy to where it matched her hat and vest. Without another word, she picked up an unoccupied barstool and brought it down on Cassius’s head.

Cassius didn’t flinch; he took his beer bottle and smashed Magenta across the face, sending her soaring towards the leisure section of the bar.

She landed in the midst of a game of eight ball, and, cursing, picked up the cue stick underneath her. She stood up in the middle of the table and kicked the three and the fifteen balls at Cassius’s chest. With one fluid move, she jumped from the billiard table to the bar and pivoted, breaking the cue across Cassius’s face.

Cassius picked himself up off of the floor. Seeing Magenta aim a kick at his face, he seized the leg she was standing on and hurled her bodily into the plate glass window at the bar’s façade.

He grabbed another bottle and waited; she’d be back. One of the patrons with more alcohol than brains approached Cassius, who was picking shards of glass out of his knuckles.

“How dare you hit that lady!” He accused. “That’s not very nice at all.”

“Neither is she,” Cassius growled, “an she hit ferst. I jes hit ‘er back.”

He saw Magenta coming, and he braced for the impact. Outside, she’d landed next to a ‘Valet Parking’ sign for the restaurant next door, and she brought it with her. It caught him squarely in the side, breaking three ribs.

He grunted, and snapped the sign in half.

The patron turned to Magenta who said, “Don’t interfere!” and punched him.

Cassius grabbed the patron’s leg, Magenta grabbed his arm, and together they threw him bodily over the bar. He took out the shelf of high-end liquor and the mirror, and lay groaning behind the bar. Most of the patrons had fled; the bartender was nowhere to be seen.

“What a waste,” Cassius mumbled. “Lookit all dat good booze fallin’ on der floor.”

Magenta straightened her neck with an audible crack. “Not bad, Twinkle-toes. You ARE tougher than you look!”

“An’ yer no sloch eider,” Cassius conceded, drinking rum from a bottle with the top broken off. He offered her the bottle, and she took a long drink.

Idly, Cassius took a long splinter out from her violet hair. “Dat woulda hurt when you put yer hat back on.”

Cassius dusted the glass shards off of his purple vest. “Okay, yer smashed der stool on me head, n' I walloped yer wit der beer bottle, den you broke der poolcue 'cros m' teef, n' I sent you troo der window,” he counted out on his fingers. “Split der damage downna middle?"

“You forgot the cracked ribs, the pool table, and the guy we both sent into the bar display,” she corrected, “Otherwise it all sounds fair.”

Cassius nodded and took out his wallet. He counted several large bills and placed them under the bar counter, weighing them down with the bartender’s shotgun. “He wuz askin' fer it, callin yer a lady 'n sayin I ourtn't smack yer,” 

“An’ doan worry 'bout der ribs. I've broke dese tings more times'n I cn count. He should have ter pay fer der mirror doh, on accoun' o' his head doin' der breakin'." Cassius spat out a gob of blood. “Can’ stann innerlopers.”

Magenta snorted. “I smacked you first, you were fair ta shmack me back.” She felt her mouth, where her lower lip was already starting to match her hair. “Shon ova bish! I'm shwelling!” She clapped Cassius on the back. “Good job! Thas shom right hook ya got there.”

“I’d box, but der’s no one big enough to fight,” Cassius said, apologetically. “I'd buy yer a roun', but der bar appears to be desert'd. I know 'n all night biker bar. No place fer a lady, but yer orter be okay. I wanna see 'f yer cn drink's well as yer fight. Say, do yer like karaoke?”

“Did weh not jusht a'tablish I aint no god damn lady?” Magenta demanded. “And fer crooning a tune even if i did like it the lishener ushlly don't. LESH GO! Wait a minute, thish biker bar doesh karaoke?”

“Not yet,” Cassius rumbled. “But dey will.”

*~*~*

Hours and many many MANY drinks later Cassius and Magenta staggered tipsily down the street. “I can' bleev dat guy hekkled us berfore we got troo der first vers,” Cassius growled. “Good ting I hit him inna head wif dat hurled bottle.”

Magenta glared at him. “YOU hit him with a thrown bottle? I beg to differ. I threw that bottle, shir.”

“I hit ‘im inna head,” Cassius corrected. “YOU hit ‘im inna crosh.”

“Good point,” Magenta conceded. “ But I WARNED you I don't shing! And can you believe that whore that shaid my hair was shtupid? I mean what the fuck! She had a fucking hole in her ear the shize of a 28 gauge shell with a fucking ANKER in her lip! I have violet hair an I'm weird?!”

Cassius smirked. “I like yer hair. Mash's m' suit. An, I don' sing eider, but we got's der harm'ny down pat. Don' worry 'bout dat chick. When she wakes up wid der stishes inner forhed she'll know who's shtupid lookin'.”

Magenta howled with laugher. “DAMN SHTRAIGHT! By the by thanksh for docking her boy toy. Elsh I wouldn't have been able to shlash her sho good.”

Cassius shrugged. “Is no problem. Yer good wit dat swishblade!”

Magenta smiled. “Shtill, you are a-shom.” She tried to pat Cassius on the back, but missed the mark by a few feet.

Cassius grinned an evil smile. “He made it easy. Whenever I sees a guy wif nipple clamps anna chain froo 'em, I finks 'Dat's jes beggin t' be yanked.' I din' know he hadda Prince Albert hooked to it too, but dat's his prerorg...perogga..”

“Prerogative?” Magenta supplied

“Dat’s der bunny!” Cassius agreed.

Mags giggled. “Bunny...Shtupid fashin shatement sho was ashkin' for it! Even I don't shcream that fucking girly.”

“Der’s lotsa ways a guy cn look tough,” Cassius rumbled thoughtfully. “Dat’s gotta be one o’ der dumbest I seen, an’ dat’s sayin’ sumtin’.”

“You know,” she mused. “For a Purple, you’re not half bad.”

“An’ you’re pretty decent fer a Red girl, too,” Cassius said.

Magenta bristled. “What’s that supposed to mean? Just because I’m a girl means I can’t pull my weight? Or do you have something against Reds?”

“Nuttin’ gainst eider,” Cassius amended. “I jes tink I’m bedder at some a’ dis dan you.”

“Put your money where your mouth ish,” Mags retorted. “I’ve got a hundred bucksh that says I can do anything you can.”

“Alrigh’,” Cassius said, smirking. “Der blacks ‘ave a buildin’ roun’ here, righ’?”

“They do,” Magenta agreed, slowly. “It’s an office they ush when they’re trying to get at the White HQ, which is kinda all the time anymore.”

“Righ’,” Cassius said. He smiled and rubbed his hands together. “We gots a wager. Whoever gess der potted plant outta Black’s office is der better spy. Yer caught, ya lose. Deal?” He held out his enormous hand.

“Deal!” Mags agreed, shaking his hand.

“In der innerests of fairness,” Cassius rumbled, “We go dere inna same cab.”

“One question: what happensh if we Both get caught?”

“Den we bofe lose,” Cassius replied. “An’ we’re ebenly mashed as Spies. We calls it a draw.”

*~*~*

Rusty raised an eyebrow as he looked at the unknown number flashing on his phone. It was a sealed number though so it has to be someone familiar he reasoned as he answered, "Resident robo speaking."

“Rusty?” Mags asked. “It’s me. I need a pick-up at…WHAT PRECINCT IS THIS?...precinct 18, downtown… wait, WHICH DOWNTOWN? ….I’M FROM GATINEAU THAT’S WHY!…Ottawa. Can you bring bail money for…I see ten, but only four of them are ours.”

“Remin’ me,” Cassius groaned, “How did we end up here?”

“Well after we caught you two bickering over the theft of a potted plant,” Seventy-two started, “Brother and I convinced you two that dancing would be as much fun as Karaoke. So, we went downtown to the hippest club and somehow managed to get in.”

“I think the big guy bribed the bouncer,” Twenty-seven mused. “But regardless of how, we got in. The hottest dance crew in town was on the floor, they danced in front of us,”

“We got challenged,” Seventy-two continued. “I told the big guy and the woman. They looked at each other,”

“And together, they punched out the front man,” finished Twenty-seven. “Then, they proceeded to mop the floor with the rest of the crew.”

“Hey,” Mags retorted, “if they didn’t want to get beat up, they shouldn’t have thrown down in the first place. Besides it was a fair fight: two of us, eight of them.”

“That was bad enough,” Seventy-two said, “but did you two have to take on the whole SWAT team?”

“Dey said her hair was funny,” Cassius mumbled. “I had to knock dose tree out, odderwise we’d be in for longer. Smackin’ a cop is a shorter sen’ance dan rippin’ ‘is goolies off via his nosdril.”

“I would have done nothing of the sort,” sniffed Magenta.

“Then why did you threaten to do just that?” Seventy-two countered. “Every man in the club winced in sympathy pain.”

“Sides, der cops asked us nicely to come along,” Cassius said. “If dey’s willin’ to be polite abou’ it, I figger we might as well come ‘long peaceably.”

“They hit you with three tear gas grenades and tazered you at least six times,” protested Twenty-seven. “That’s what you call polite?”

“Dey dint use der guns or battans,” Cassius said. “Dose tazers were nice; dey tickled. Once Rusty gets ‘ere, I tink I need breakfast. Who wants homme, ommer..”

“Omelets?” Magenta suggested

“Dat’s der bunny!” Cassius agreed.

“I don’t know where you’ll put them,” Mags said. “Over the course of the night, you drank eight beers, fourteen assorted shots, a bottle of rum and a coke, and a centerpiece bud vase with a rose in it.”

“Tought dat one tasted a bit torny,” Cassius rumbled. “An’ yer one ter talk. You matched me on alla dat.”

“Couldn’t have you show me up, could I!” she countered. “And you’re right, it DID taste thorny!”

“MAGS!” Rusty finally yelled, interupting the four-way recounting of what sounded like a wild night.

He could picture Magenta staring at the receiver in her hand a moment before remembering who was on the line, “Hey Rusty.”

"... You do know I record all my calls, right?"

"...Fuck."

Rusty managed to hold in a chuckle, “Do we need an armored car or can I just pick you up?"

"Uh... I got two blacks and a purple...what do you think?

"... Fuck, I'm just going to get the nice company car to do this kind of crap. Google maps says I'll be there in about Forty-five minutes. Are you armed? Wait, don't answer that. ... WHAT are you armed with?"

"I left my babies at home. I HAD A SWITCHBLADE BUT THEY TOOK IT!"

“Actually you lost it when that one dancer kicked your hand,” Twenty-seven chirped.

“And his girlfriend tried to bite your ear off,” Seventy-two added

“Oh yeah…”

“Probably for the best...” Rusty muttered quietly. "Well, I'll get your spare from your desk as a security blanket of death. How's that? Anything else I should know about? What are the sobriety levels?"

"Hang on let me check… How sober are you bitches?!"

"Hung-over and hungry!”

“Dat depends,” Cassius mumbled. “Did I jes step on m’own fingers?”

“No sir,” an unknown voice, Rust assumed another prisoner cried. “You’re standing on mine.”

“Den nuttin’ a Bloody Mary woan fix,” Cassius said. “Or are yer a scewdriver woman?”

“I’m a Sonic Screwdriver woman, thanks to my darling partner. Electrolytes over acid. There’s your answer,” she said into the phone. 

"... I'll have Laurie call me en route to see what's open. On my way."

“Thanks Rusty!”

“Den les’ get outta here,” Cassius picked up the groaning twins by the back of their belts. “I got der lightweights. C’n you get der door?”

“Yep. Hey Rust, we’ll be outside. Trust me, you can’t miss us.” She hung up the jail cell’s pay phone.

“Let’s go”

“Damn!” Cassius smacked his forehead with the heel of his right hand, eliciting a groan from twenty-seven.

“What’s wrong?” Magenta asked, picking the jail cell lock.

“I wuz gonna meet a Yellow at der bar we net at.”

“Really?” Magenta looked up from the lock. “I was supposed to meet a Yellow there too. Think the bastard set us up?”

“Hell of a coinkydink,” Cassius growled, shifting his hold so he had the twins under each arm safe and sound.

“Next time I’m thank the bitch before I shoot him,” Mags soothed as she finally devoted her attention to the lock, earning a laugh from the purple agent.