#insistence and the fact we cannot hold a conversation without she bringing up her trauma and it's all too much. i guess

[evagora]

out here avoiding the shitstorm around me

[ginkgomoon]

Victor’s Aura- A Character Aura Study

This post is my take on Victor’s aura, taken from my knowledge and intuition to depict what kind of aura he has! I did one on Gavin, as well as Gavin’s astrological birth chart so if you haven’t seen them, you can read them after this post!

What is an Aura? “Aura” by the dictionary is “the distinctive atmosphere or quality that seems to surround and be generated by a person, thing, or place”. 

It’s essentially the electromagnetic energy field that surrounds all living things. It’s the magnetic field of vibration like how a lighted candle is lit and how a scent or perfume surrounds a flower. In fact, it’s correctly described as an extension of the body. It’s a part of every cell. Your aura can be affected by anything, including traumas, memories and emotions. It can tell us a lot about a person’s mental, physical, emotional state, vitality and path of life. Habitual thoughts, emotions and even illnesses can be clearly revealed. If a person changes their long standing thoughts and emotions, the aura will too reflect that. 

Victor’s Aura There are many layers to the aura but let’s start off with the “ground” colour. This is the main colour that dominates the aura both in size and intensity. It’s arguably the most important colour as it shows what the person should be doing in their life. 

Victor’s main ground colour is dark yellow (keep in mind this is not defined as “murky”- when someone is lost and muddled in their life). People with dark yellow as their ground are confident, well adjusted and analytical. As a result, they take life one step at a time, one goal at a time, ensuring every project is seen through properly to completion to avoid problems and setbacks later. They are patient people, setting their worthwhile goals in no hurry to reach them, as they know without a doubt that they will obtain their deserved reward in the end. They prefer to do things rationally and in a logical manner, especially at work where they are required to make use of their good memory and love for detail. As they are ambitious and persistent, they often take up roles of leadership, responsibility and of importance. From his corrections on MC’s reports to the food he makes at Souvenir (that is insisted to be cooked according to certain temperatures), Victor is no doubt a detail-oriented leader even whether if the goal he wants to achieve is related to work or not. 

MC: It’s a sort of mark that can be left in literature or in a photograph… and I can feel it. Victor’s eyes are lowered. In his clear and tranquil eyes, there are ripples of light and shadows. Victor: Such as? The smile tugging at the corner of his mouth is clear, and I ponder this seriously. MC: For example, the way I write proposals has changed. The format of my proposals has changed. The indent of the first line, font size 15, 1.5 spacing between lines… it’s the format you find most pleasing to the eye! Victor’s eyebrow quirks. Victor: That’s all? MC: There’s more! I’ve become so much more picky with food. I never used to complain that food tastes bad, but eating at Souvenir has cultivated my palate. Now, when I eat even Michelin meals, I feel as if something’s lacking… -CN Exhibition Date 

“What happened with SE is just an example. We’re from different businesses and different fields. There’s no need to compare yourself with me. Also, I’m older than you. When you’ve reached my age, you might attain the achievements I have today.” -CN Night Meeting Date

“Slow and steady wins the race” is the moral that they live by, but sometimes adhering to this credo may frustrate others as they can be so analytical and detail oriented at times- usually at great lengths. A cute little add from the Tender Regards Date around the concept of snail mail, time (Victor’s evol!) and the goal of always reaching your destination in the end demonstrate this this motif in Victor’s relationship with MC.

“Looks like you should have received this Future Mail. Apart from supporting your event, I’m only going to do this once. This will not be repeated. The things I want to say to you are all in this videotape. It only belongs to you.” -CN Tender Regards Date 

“When will you finally understand? It’s all right. I’m patient. I’ll wait for you to see the light slowly.” -Rooftop Date

Although they have feelings, they only ever reveal it to people close to them. They enjoy the detail and technicality of conversations and find it hard to talk about their emotions. Victor’s Exhibition and Tender Regards Date are very useful sources of information in relation to these topics, as it displays Victor’s deep emotions of affection to MC and highlights the importance of expressing emotions to those you love. Dark yellow aura peoples’ greatest lesson in life is to be more emotionally open, and when do they do, it usually occurs later in life. 

“The writer wrote it down herself - “The time I spent loving someone, not a single second of it was wasted.” I rarely hear such words leave Victor’s mouth, and it makes me feel a little surreal. In my memory, we very rarely talk about the topic of ‘love’. Maybe it’s because he rarely says what’s in his heart. Maybe it’s because I’m used to being thick-skinned. We never have the opportunity to seriously understand the meaning in these words. -CN Exhibition Date 

“Do you still remember the special episode on “Feelings” from before? Actually, this theme was inspired by that episode. Giving gifts is a common way to express how one feels. But it’s not that easy to send a gift to the future. With Future Mail, the sender can convey their feelings and surprises in this gift to the other party across time.” -CN Tender Regards date 

People with dark yellow as their ground enjoy system and order such as routines at work and in their home life. This is applied to Victor’s strict schedules in his day to day life, such as taking on what time he sleeps and when he gets up to go on his morning jogs. They need to consider new ideas before grudgingly accepting them. This is especially applied to when Victor always says “just this once” to MC when he’s being “childish” with her (but we really know that isn’t the case, he knows this all too well, too). 

“Because a certain greedy cat always says she wants to eat something sweet after dinner, I made pudding before leaving the house. Do you think this is a mark of how I’ve been changed?” -CN Exhibition Date 

Next is Victor’s “radiating” colour. This represents his interests and motivations. It adds strength to the ground colour. They can work well in harmony, some can conflict. 

I would take Victor’s radiating as violet. Violet is a very highly spiritual colour, as people with this colour as their radiating will have a very spiritual take on life, as they are deep thinkers who like to analyse everything and think matters though logically. They are also naturally intuitive. Violet radiatings have the ability to come up with unique and unusual solutions to problems. As they enjoy learning, they have the potential to become experts in their field of endeavour- which is no surprise for Victor as he’s basically an “on top of the world tyrant” in the industry of finances. In addition, they feel things deeply, but rather operate things on an emotionally free level- again with the ground aura traits to enhance this! However, Victor too, has a high EQ despite this.

“I’m no different from you. There are many things I cannot do or force to make happen. It’s okay to not be strong, it’s okay to not do well. You don’t have to bottle up your emotions.” … “I won’t tell you to keep holding on no matter what difficulties you face. That isn’t realistic. There will come a time when you will become an even better version of yourself who will have enough courage and experience to deal with all of this.” -CN Colours of Rain Date 

Overall, Victor’s aura of darker yellow and violet depict him as more of a straightforward kind of person, hardworking and articulate, however soon we realise there’s more to what we see of Victor, like how MC thinks that Victor comes off as a “heartless CEO” throughout the main story chapters but he slowly warms up to her whilst determining to prove her wrong. Victor is wise, and doesn’t bother to put in his personal efforts to where it’s not needed, but when it’s up to him- he strives to go all the way for perfection and with the best of his ability. He spends a lot of time in deep contemplation to determine his plans of attack which allows him to execute them well. His values and worth ethics will always in the end allow him to make time for MC, no matter how busy he is :) 

And lastly…

Victor leans against the window, his face still written with distaste, but he does not attempt to remove that childish-looking blanket. He brings the red cup to his lips and gently blows on it. The warm light encases him, softening the aura surrounding him. His outline also appears gentler. He doesn’t look as impossible to get close to. My eyes land on Victor, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He puts down the cup in his hands, lowering his eyes, as though deep in thought. This is a Victor I have never seen before… In this moment, he seems to have put down his stubbornness and distant aura - becoming someone within reach. Only now does Victor finally feel my gaze. He raises his head to look at me. -CN Warm Date 

All of a sudden, he lifts his other hand gently. A water droplet pelts onto his palm, as though pulling him into the pattering rain. Seeing this, I find myself subconsciously frozen in place. Because of the enshrouding misty rain, the Victor before me appears warmer and more tender than usual. -CN Tender Regards Date 

It always has and always will be MC to see this side of him- the tenderness and the willingness of how he opens up to her- his aura willingly to embrace hers too. Fun fact- auras can deflect off one another if you’re with someone you dislike. But when it’s with two people in love, their auras connect, combine and produce an even brighter and bigger accommodating aura for the both of them. He’s certainly living working towards to achieve his greatest life goals- both in his businesses and being with MC, striving together to make great changes and milestones in their respective industries. Without a doubt, she has helped Victor’s aura grow, expand and shine the many rays through his doubts, allowing a light from within to burn brighter and evolve him into more of the brilliant, hardworking and tender man we know today.

[sweetrupturedlight]

This week on Sen Çal Kapımı

Serkan's inability to articulate his feelings for Eda has him literally man down, while Eda contemplates their kinda, sorta, maybe mutual feelings and her future. Other stuff happens, but come on, with this episode, Edser takes centre stage as the ship sets sail on the high seas.

Before we jump right into it, last week in this post, I bulleted the things all of us expected was coming. 

Let’s take one moment to note the glorious ways in which all of these things unfolded?

Nursing back to health

Pining

Severe angst

Breaking point

Dear writers of this show, we appreciate you. We are truly blessed.

Now, on to this week. The episode picks up where we left off, with Selin giving Serkan 2 days to decide whether she drops Ferit like a hot potato on the eve of their wedding. Let’s be clear, she wants to dump a man she is supposed to marry in two days to resume a logical and clinical relationship? Is Selin even in love with Serkan? It doesn’t seem like he treated her very well – but then again, it seems their relationship had a very logical genesis – no sweeping romantic gestures, no sweet words, no compliments it would seem! etc. So objectively I’m not sure what exactly makes that prospect better than the one with Ferit – who clearly does love and care for her. But I digress. 

Essentially, this is how it plays out:

Selin: “Let me know in max 2 days if you want to be with me, k.”

Serkan: ...

Eda: Simply exists.

Serkan: Stares directly at Selin as he deliberately grasps Eda’s hand and holds on for dear life.

Now, they say actions speak louder than words... so how is Selin still not clear on the fact that Serkan not rushing to end her marriage means he’s not interested???

Anyhoo, Serkan and Eda spend most of the episode circling around the same.

Did you say yes to Selin?

What is your opinion on my situation with Selin?

Would you stay?

I can’t stay because… reasons

If either one of these to love-struck puppies took a second to reflect, they would realise that they actually have the answers already. Eda in fact, does consider for a minute that Serkan might actually have feelings for her. Serkan however, is convinced Eda cannot wait to get out of his life - which makes his bold move at the end of the episode a great moment for his own growth as a character. He was operating on his feelings and taking an emotional risk, having no idea how she actually felt. Yes, he had the note she left, but up until 20 minutes earlier, he was still fighting Engin on the notion that she could genuinely have feelings for him.

Speaking on Engin, writers, I have faith that we will see Engin mercilessly tease Serkan in the next episode about his heart eyes and his newfound familiarity with the language of love. This is likely going to bring great comedic gold. Its also not lost on me that Engin can so easily see the love between Serkan and Eda, but is totally clueless about his own romantic entanglements. To be honest, I’m not invested in this romance, so whomever he ends up with - or doesn’t - is fine by me.

Listen, I’m high key bursting at the fact that Eda and Serkan both already see the other in their bed(s). Them facing “each other” with longing was one of the smaller moments of the episode, but one of my favourites. And because this show is so good at parallels, I’m putting it out there that we will get a scene of them sharing a bed without Serkan needing to turn his back to her, but also without Serkan ruining the mood once daybreak arrives. Eda is a snuggler and she loves to sleep. I’m looking forward to bedroom shenanigans. Also, can Eda (and Engin) find the pictures of them he’s clearly carrying around in his wallet at this point? Please and thank you.

SIDE NOTE: according to Laila, Serkan has a conference in London “next week” which has been reserved for two people. Since I’m going out on a limb and saying Serkan won’t be travelling with Selin, will Eda accompany him to the UK? One can only hope for a honeymoon romantic getaway business trip.

Adore the “don’t leave” parallels that the show has been dropping like golden nuggets for the past few weeks. Serkan has spent multiple episodes in a struggle with himself. If Eda wants to leave, he insists its not his style to ask her to stay. But by episodes end he is so frenzied at the thought of his life without her, he’s ready and willing to say it m u l t i p l e times. We love a glow up.

Things I loved about this episode:

The handhold 5 seconds in & Eda’s impulsive kiss on his cheek.

The super cheesy let’s-randomly-turn-on-the-radio-and-awkwardly-listen-to-the-exact-song-describing-our entire-love-story. The way I was lapping it up with shovel. Also, Başak Gümülcinelioğlu’s (aka the actress playing Piril) song Sen Çal Kapımı is beautiful. All the fanvids, all the time please oh talented vidders.

Serkan’s meltdown at the office the minute he realised she’s about to leave. Hilarious. I truly enjoy seeing him a little off kilter and a lot out of control. Just looking at how his employees have relaxed since he’s been more relaxed - due to Eda’s influence - is a great subtle storytelling mechanism as well.

Immensely enjoyed Nurse Eda - especially her traditional approach to checking temperatures. LOL. Just a comment that despite Eda believing Serkan and Selin are most likely a thing, she refuses to leave his side in deference to Selin. I totally loved seeing her stake her claim. And judging by the never-you-mind, irritated way with which Serkan basically told Selin to move along, Serkan doesn’t want people around when he’s sick - but he certainly wants Eda.

Serkan going from unable to communicate to “you’re constantly in my head, in my every thought! You’ve taken over my brain! You’ve taken over my entire life!” #FlingsSelfIntoTheSun

THE KISS. Beautiful cinematography, beautiful direction, gorgeous cast, amazing script. Loved everything about it.

Things that broke/confused me

Serkan being a complete dolt and instead of enjoying the woman he loves cuddled up beside him, he takes the time to reiterate that he doesn’t remember their conversation from the night before. SMH. Eda was about to risk it all one last time, and Serkan’s poorly timed dose of realness is the final straw.

The tears in his eyes when she left the office. He was still fighting being vulnerable, even after Eda basically gave him the roadmap with an x for how to achieve success. Thankfully, by episodes end his own desperation at potentially losing her outweighed his “logic” and self preservation. Eda is teaching Serkan that its okay to need other people and that he doesn’t have to shoulder everything alone. #MyEndlessFloodOfTears

Aydan being unable to see how very much Serkan loves Eda and her - bordering on delusional at this point - push for Serkan to marry a woman who inspires no passion, no interest, no life, no spark in him! I understood it initially. But now it’s just comical. Seyfi is clearly team #Edser. I know the Bolat’s have a history of trauma. But pushing Serkan into a loveless marriage, while hurting Ferit and potentially Eda (and Serkan himself) seems absurd to me.

Ayfer’s reaction to the contract was OOT IMO. The show has been quite light handed with drama and this was the first time I thought the hysterics was over done. I understand that it was a shock, I understand that feelings of betrayal and hurt are natural. But a moment of reflection - as well as allowing Eda to explain - would have easily highlighted what Ayfer already knows - that there is a lot more happening between Eda and Serkan than a mere contract. Furthermore, this “Serkan Bolat is the devil incarnate here to take advantage of our poor Eda” is ridiculous. Serkan is a good person - logical and sometimes aloof - but he isn’t devious. If anything, Ayfer getting to know him during their terrarium creating afternoon left her with a good impression of who he is. So unless there are missing scenes somewhere, her suddenly being anti-Serkan feels like a necessity to serve the upcoming plot, as opposed to an organic happenstance. Not my favourite development. This includes her orchestrating Eda’s scholarship in Italy. Feels out of character. But let’s see how it all plays out.

Things I know is coming:

From the fragman, Serkan names a star or something after her #squee

Selin finally getting it

Aydan not getting it

Seyfi being over the moon - along with Melo no doubt

D R A M A about parents and death and cover-ups but I’m ignoring that for now

And most importantly:

Dating

Kissing

Hugging

Giggles

#FlingsSelfIntoTheEverLovingSun #NotPrepared

[lunaticlua]

how do you make a home? // part 3

series masterlist

the story is also available on ao3

chapter 3: cause when you find love there’s not much you can do

"i kinda like you, kinda think that you’re too much. you’re always knocking me off of my feet. i’m not against something like falling in love, but i'm not so sure if that's what i need." (when i look into your eyes – khai dreams ft. lanie)

Throughout the next two weeks, they bond through music and shared work. JJ is the who initiates the interactions ninety percent of the time. He asks about a million questions about the music she puts on for them, she answers at most six a day. After some insistence, he is even able to convince her to tell him how she learnt to fix cars — her godfather taught her a lot when she was younger, and she had worked as a mechanic before. In response, he shares how he learnt by watching his father as a kid.

Unconsciously, by the end of their second week working together, Lulu starts to explain what the songs playing are about unprompted. She tried as hard as she could to keep her aloof and cryptic behavior, even if, at the back of her mind, she knew that she would never fulfill the promise she made in that way. Keeping herself closed off was convenient. It didn’t hurt and she was accustomed to the loneliness that came with it. However, the shaggy-haired blonde boy had other plans for her.

He was growing on her effortlessly and it scared her. She always had a hard time making friends back in Ohio. Talking was hard, especially during her first years there, but, even after the dark years, it still took a lot of willpower. As people already considered her a freak and distanced themselves from her, she just didn’t try to befriend anyone.

But with JJ is easy and, as much as it frightens her, she likes easy. So, she let him come near faster than she was habituated. Even her godfather notices the sudden difference on their dynamic. One night during dinner, he breaks the comfortable silence they shared and questions her without further ado. “Kid, do you like JJ?”

She can’t help herself but blush. “No, I don’t. Can you pass me the salt?” she deflects.

“Oh, girl, you don’t need to change the subject. We don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he soothes her, and she responds with a little smile.

“I really don’t,” she says after some minutes. If it is to convince herself more than her guardian, no one needs to know. She has been questioning what she was feeling towards the boy for some days now.

“Well, be careful,” she gives him a puzzled look and he continues. “I like the boy, I really do. Don’t get me wrong. But I heard stories and I don’t want you to end up with a broken heart.”

“We are barely friends, Uncle Joe. There is nothing to worry.”

They resume to their dinner without much talk after it. When she goes to bed that night, she keeps replaying her moments with the boy, trying to understand his intentions. She is not naïve enough to think that his reasons are completely pure. She remembers the way he and his friends stared at her curvy silhouette at the beach when she went surfing. Still, Lulu believes that there is more to it than him trying to find a simple hookup. Besides the fact that he could find it anywhere else with less effort — she definitely isn’t the easiest person to approach and a shop where they work with her godfather isn’t the most ideal place —, he has something in his ocean blue eyes when he watches her. Something that makes her heart jump and her walls collapse.

The next morning, when she arrives at work, he is already there. No music on as if he is waiting for her. He turns to her when he hears her steps with a grin, which she had noticed that is completely different from his usual smirk. This one is more honest and carefree. She likes to entertain the idea that she is the only one who can make him smile like this.

“What you have for us today, Miss Lulu?” He imitates a child’s voice. In the last few days, he had been teasing her about her ‘music lessons’.

“You can tease me all you want, but what I am doing is showing you a superior form of art,” she jokes back.

“Of course, you are,” JJ chuckles, his appearing dimple giving her butterflies in the stomach. She tries to shake away the feeling by focusing on taking her phone off her backpack and putting her Bossa Nova playlist on. ‘Chega de Saudade’ by Tom Jobim starts playing and a goofy smile appears on the boy’s face. This is one of his favorites that she has shown him. “Dance with me?”

She pretends to think about the proposition a little and then takes his hands, opening a matching grin. He twirls her into his arms, hugging her body. The two teenagers share a peaceful moment in which none of them moves, simply enjoying the closeness of their embrace. Soon, they fall in step and playfully dance with each other. When the music comes to its end, they laugh together.

Later at night, Lulu contemplates the nature of their relationship. He is the closest someone her age has ever been to her heart. However, she doesn’t believe that she is apt to something more than a friendship. She has too much baggage to unload on someone else. Especially, someone like him, so upbeat, so lighthearted.

Her phone rings and she rapidly pick it up. “Hi, Lulu.” The voice coming from the speaker is calming, which is exactly what she needs. It is Rita. When it was decided that she should come back to Outer Banks, her major worry was being away from her aunt. The woman had been her rock for so long and she misses her dearly. They had agreed to make weekly phone calls for checkup, which ended being an excellent decision.

“Hey, Auntie Rita.”

“How have you been this week?”

“Honestly? Confused,” she laughs forcedly.

“And the reason is…,” the woman gives her the opportunity to explain what has been on her mind lately and she does. She had talked already about JJ when they were initiating their now established friendship. But the sentiment had modified a lot since. The lingering eyes, the mirrored smiles, the soft touches, the easygoing conversation. The whole situation is messing with her head. When she finishes recounting the events of the week, including the talk shared with Uncle Joe and the dance, Rita simply asks: “But what is bothering you?”

“He is clearly interested in something more.”

“And you are not.”

“I am,” she corrects.

“So, what is really bothering you?”

“I shouldn’t. I can’t jump in a relationship,” she clarifies.

“Why not?”

“Why not? Well, for starters, he doesn’t even know the whole story. Actually, he has zero knowledge of any part of my past. He doesn’t know that I am who I am. And I have way too much emotional baggage. If he knew that I am this broken, he wouldn’t have interest in me.”

The woman on the other side of the call stays silent for a moment. “Okay, dear, first thing that you need to remember: your past doesn’t define who you are, if can or cannot be in a relationship or how much you are worth. This boy seems to like you a lot. It had nothing to do with your past, but with who you are. Also, you don’t own anyone your whole life story. Even if you two end up dating, you should tell him when and if you are ready.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so,” her aunt reassures her. “Lulu, you are not broken. You never have been. Yes, you have traumas and scars and pain because something horrible happened. But you are not broken.”

“What if he thinks I am when he finds out?” the girl asks quietly. The last thing she wants is to push the boy away. He had become so important to her so fast.

“Then, he doesn’t deserve you. I know that it seems complicated, but you have to try and live day by day, okay? Your future holds beautiful things. You have to let it come.”

“Thanks, Auntie Rita.”

“I am always here for it. Good night, Lulu. Eu te amo.”

“Eu te amo também,” she responds in Portuguese and hangs up the phone.

That night, when she falls asleep, she dreams of diamond eyes and crooked smiles. Her aunt appeased some of her worries and she feels ready to face whatever the future might bring. She feels lighter again as she does in the ocean or as she did in JJ’s arms that morning.

“i think you’re gonna change my plans with those emerald eyes and you don’t even understand just how far i dive” (claudia – finneas)

additional notes:

- "chega de saudade" means something along the times of "enough of missing you"

- "eu te amo"/"eu te amo também" = i love you/i love you too

[rambling-at-midnight]

Protection: Part 12

Ayyyyy guESS WHAT’S BACK!!!

I’M ON THE HOME STRETCH AND I’M SO SORRY FOR THE HUMONGOUS PAUSE IN UPDATES BUT THIS IS EITHER THE SECOND-TO-LAST OR THIRD-TO-LAST CHAPTER. THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING!!!

You manage to avoid Tom and Harrison until the party by hiding in your room. Devin brings you food, somehow knowing about all of the drama despite not being involved with any of it. After picking the lock the first night you had decided to nearly starve yourself in order to save face, she’d become your ally, and you get the feeling when you look at her that she’s not to be underestimated. Too bad you’d not had any time to get closer to her before. After this party you’re not going to have anything to do with the Hollands ever again.

“This party is just so you can kill Dylan O’Brien, correct?” Devin asks while curling your hair. You know she already knows and is just fishing for conversation starters.

“Yep,” you reply. It starts at six and you know you have to wait a little bit before killing someone at these sorts of things so you’re probably going to kill O’Brien around eight or nine but you’re only going to show up around a half hour before that. Apart from the fact that you don’t want to go to this stupid party, you know you’re going to get harassed by power-hungry men and gossipy women. “And then I can leave and hide where no Holland will ever find me.”

Devin sighs. “Y/N, I know Tom can be a little… abrupt sometimes, but I really do believe that he—”

“Don’t say he loves me,” you interrupt. “Or even likes me. I’ve known him for, like, three weeks.”

“I wasn’t going to say either of those,” she says steadily, keeping her eyes on your hair.

You snort “Bull,” but your face still flushes.

“Studies say it only takes between a fifth of a second and 4 minutes to fall in love.”

“And we didn’t even… like each other,” you say weakly, lowering your gaze to your hands so you won’t meet her eyes in the mirror. It’s very easy to say when you’re not looking at the mob boss, but not easy to convince yourself. “Everyone knows about Holland’s flings. I never expected anything different. And how do you know that specific fact? It’s hardly common knowledge.” I don’t love Tom Holland, I don’t, I don’t.

“It’s my job to know a little bit about everything, dear,” she replies, patting your shoulder. “If you didn’t expect anything different, then why are you hiding from him? Eyes closed. Hold your breath.”

She sprays extra-strength hair spray on your hair until pretty much every strand will be iron-stiff. You suck in a breath of air once she’s stopped spraying and survey your appearance in the mirror. “I hadn’t thought about how awkward it would be,” you invent.

It’s her turn to call bull as she spins you around in your chair and examines your face. “You’ve killed the close relations of half the people at the galas you used to attend, and you still manage to smile into their eyes without blinking. I think awkwardness is the least of your worries.”

You smile grimly into the mirror. “That wasn’t awkward. That was me gloating.”

Devin hums, as if you aren’t talking about brutally murdering people and then not feeling an ounce of regret. “Hey, if you don’t mind me asking, why’d you run from Tom when he yelled at you? You’d think the most feared assassin in America would have thicker skin.”

You grimace into the mirror. “You heard about that, then?”

“I’ve heard about everything.” Devin replies, almost teasing. She pulls out a makeup kit and you grimace again. That was perhaps your least favorite part about your life; you moderately enjoyed wearing the dresses and curling your hair and feeling pretty for a night, but the makeup always made you feel dirty and like your pores were being clogged. Still, you don’t flinch as she starts to apply mascara onto your eyelashes.

“Just… he reminded me a bit of my dad, you know?” You’re not sure exactly why you feel like telling Devin this, especially because you’ve spent most of your time here resenting her, but there’s something intimate in getting ready for fancy parties that makes girls want to trust each other.

Devin clucks her tongue. “He was strict, then?”

You laugh hollowly. “Just in case you were under any impression he was a great dad, let me just say that he trained me just like he trained every other assassin he employed. You know how we got good at withstanding torture? Experiencing it. And he had this set of rules, you know.”

Devin’s hand freezes. Your eyes scan her face, trying to find out what, exactly, has made her so surprised, other than the opening up of your childhood traumas, but her face is painted even more than usual and she’s as good as you at hiding your emotions. “I see.” She starts to paint your face again, and only you would be able to notice the little crease between her eyebrows.

“Waterboarding me was his favorite,” you say, like you’re talking about your father’s favorite movie. “And…” You suck in a breath, horrified at yourself. Everything your father ever taught you, every rule, every trick, has been thrown out the window in these past three weeks. And now you’re offering potential weakness to the assistant to the most powerful man in Britain?

You’ve gone so soft. What would your father say if he could see you now?

“I’m just so glad he’s dead,” you whisper, and it’s like a weight has been lifted off your chest. Despite all the pain he put you through, all the heartbreak and manipulation and torture, you’d still loved him in a way. You’d still been sad when he’d died, but you’d been so relieved, and you’d felt so guilty that you felt relieved. “And I’ll be so glad when I kill O’Brien, too,” you add, hoping to end with the impression that you’re still not to be trifled with, but you’re pretty sure the damage is done. She’s going to go tell Tom that you’re weak.

“You know, trauma is nothing to be ashamed of,” Devin says quietly. “Tom saved me from my husband, actually, and I’ll always be grateful to him for that. I just know… it’s not easy. And what you went through… I can’t imagine.”

“I’m fine,” you snap, shoving your walls back up as quickly as you can. “I’m fine. It wasn’t that bad. It’s what every assassin goes through—”

“But coming from your own father,” the redhead presses. “To have no escape—”

“I said I’m fine.” You glare at Devin and grab the hand she’s using to apply the makeup. “I’ll finish the rest of it myself.” You can’t forget that while she may have an important position, she’s no match to you. No one here is as good as you. You’re unparalleled. Your father loved to beat that into you; that you cannot in any way show weakness because you’re too strong to be weak.

Devin leaves. You don’t know how relieved she is to be free to go. If you did, her relief wouldn’t be because of the reason you think.

Harrison pounds on Tom’s door again, but his boss’s music is turned up too loud for him to hear anything. “Why the fuck are you such a drama queen sometimes,” Haz mutters, stopping in his pounding for a moment to soothe his aching fist. He really doesn’t have time for his boss to be throwing yet another temper tantrum because he still won’t grow a pair and tell you how he feels. I mean, Haz ponders, I guess considering it’s Y/N Y/L/N it’s sort of intimidating but she did fuck him and why else would she have gotten mad when he’d basically told her to get out if she wasn’t hoping for something more? He’d pointed that all out to Tom, and Tom had told him to pound sand.

God, what Haz wouldn’t do for a boss that doesn’t have his head stuck up his ass half the time.

“Come on, mate,” Harrison calls through the door. “We need to get ready—”

Tom responds by raising the volume of his music to the point where it rivals the volume at which you play yours most of the time.

“Harrison?”

Haz has to physically restrain himself from rolling his eyes at the sound of Devin’s voice. He turns around, pasting a completely fake smile onto his face, and tells her that he’s a bit caught up at the moment.

“We need to talk,” she says frantically. “We need to kill Y/F/N before he makes his public appearance.”

“What?” Harrison cocks his head and fights the urge to laugh. He knew it would happen someday; Devin’s finally gone ‘round the bend. Who wouldn’t, considering the amount of violence and double-crossing she watches on a daily basis without having been trained and raised to the violence, but he’d thought she had at least another year left in her.

“I need to talk to both of you,” Devin insists, pushing Harrison out of the way and knocking on the door smartly. “THOMAS STANLEY HOLLAND, YOU GET OUT OF YOUR ROOM THIS SECOND!”

“I don’t think he can hear you,” Harrison mutters, sulking behind her with his hands in his pockets. “I’ve been trying.”

Devin rolls her eyes at him and tosses her hair over her shoulders, fumbling with something at the nape of her neck. She extracts a pin out of the tumbling red locks and picks Tom’s door within seconds. She strides into the room without fear, and for the first time Harrison admires her for more than her looks and professional attitude.

The assistant marches right over to where Tom is nursing a glass of whiskey at his desk. She grabs the glass out of his hand before he can react. “We have a problem.”

Protection Taglist:

@littlemarvelqueen @musical-whovian @lemirabitur @childofcrystals @bubbles1642 @annymcervantes @sleepybesson

Forever Taglist:

@lemirabitur @annymcervantes @queenmissfit @quiet-because-it-is-a-secret @iksey

[pers-books]

Thoughts on the wild ride that is ‘Love in the Time of HYDRA’ are under the cut as I went to town with the pics - as per... (Not sorry!)

Ugh. ShitzSimmons bickering over Daisy’s powers in front of her REALLY pisses me off. Just shut the fuck up, assholes!

In stark contrast, there’s the sweet baby deer Phil, and his conversation with May following Andrew’s recommendation that Daisy leave SHIELD altogether:

May: I know it’s difficult, Phil. Shield’s always wrestled with how to deal with people who are Enhanced. And add Skye’s alien DNA to the mix, it’s a whole new category we have to deal with.

Coulson: This isn’t about categories on the Index, May. We’re talking about Skye.

May: And as her SO, I’m telling you, I have no idea how to handle her.

Coulson: You’ll find a way. You always do. 

May: Not always.

Coulson: This isn’t about Bahrain, okay? We know who we’re dealing with here.

May: Don’t fool yourself. Skye’s changed. Maybe not on the surface, but inside. She doesn’t know herself any more.

[This exchange is so loaded with emotion: there’s May struggling to deal with the fact that Daisy’s now a ‘Gifted’ person - and she has all this trauma from Bahrain - which at this point none of us watching the first time around knew what had happened in Bahrain, except what Coulson hinted at back in ‘Repairs’. And then there’s Coulson who is TOTALLY convinced that Daisy’s still fundamentally herself and can be trusted not to hurt others - because that’s who Daisy is at her core. And I just love the fact that this convo with May foreshadows the one he’ll shortly be having with Daisy herself when they’re on the Quinjet heading to the Retreat.]

 Ugh! This moment when Coulson’s talking with Daisy but trying to hide the fact he’s taking her away from the Playground, and HE CANNOT! He just cannot hide from Daisy that there’s something up. She knows him too well, and he always wears his heart on his sleeve and his face with her, even when he’s trying desperately not to. Poor little baby deer.

Coulson: I’m sorry about everything that’s happening, Skye.

Daisy: Not your fault. The blame begins and ends with my dad. 

Coulson: Well you wouldn’t be the first person to have parents with misguided intentions.

Daisy: Nope. Just the first whose crazy dad lured her to an alien city to get earthquake powers. 

Coulson: Yeah. [Beat. Then he delves into one of the two grocery sacks.] I got us a little something for the trip. [Hands her a Twizzler and they both take a bite simultaneously.]

[I love this moment too - he’s about to open up to her in a big way - more than we’ve ever seen him do before - about his childhood, and he brings her candy to help him over the moment. Also, how cute is it that Clark and Chloe took their first bites simultaneously WITHOUT it being scripted?!]

Coulson: Thing I remember most about my dad is he was a car guy. Always working on this junker he insisted that I help him fix. All my friends were outside playing ball, having fun - there I was, stuck at home with him fixing that damn car. [Huffs a laugh] It wasn’t until we finished it that it hit me - the car was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. And all the time we’d spent together working on it gave me an appreciation I never would have had otherwise.

Daisy: [not quite believing her ears] Hold on. Was that car a red 1962 Corvette?

Coulson: Yeah.

Daisy: Well, he’d be very proud of your red Corvette that flies. How cool is that?

Coulson: [chuckles] It’s pretty cool. But I think the thing he’d like most about it - at her core, she’s still just a red ‘62 Corvette. 

Daisy: Just to be clear, I’m the Corvette in this story, right?

[Oh Phil, babe, you tiny precious baby deer - what a moment this is, opening up to Daisy about your childhood and your dad while simultaneously telling Daisy she’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, and that at her core, she’s still herself, no matter what’s happened to her in terms of gaining super scary earthquake powers. You are SO ridiculous and so is your face! And Daisy can’t believe her ears and she just has to check that he really IS comparing her to Lola.]

Just  so you know, I will NEVER be over the fact that Coulson carried all the bags from the Quinjet into the cabin. Daisy could’ve carried her bag over her shoulder, but the Boo was NOT having his Bae do that!

Coulson: Haven’t been in here in years.

Daisy: Fury’s not the kinda guy who has a cabin just to relax. What is this place?

Coulson: It’s a safehouse for people with powers. Rogers even spent a few weeks here after he defrosted. 

Daisy: Okay, but who’s it supposed to keep safe? The people with powers or everyone else?

Coulson: Both. [Heaves a sigh] Skye, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to pull you from active duty.

Daisy: I get it, I do. I just didn’t think that you’d lock me up like a werewolf during full moon.

Coulson: You’re not alone here.

Daisy: Feels pretty isolated to me.

Coulson: There’s a direct video link to the Base, and May will keep dropping by every couple of days.

Daisy: What am I supposed to do - go fishing?

Coulson: Well if you do go outside, be careful. There’s a laser fence around the perimeter. [She nods] Look - [he moves in and puts his hands on her shoulders/upper arms] This is a safe place. You can relax here. You can use this time to get a handle on your abilities.

Daisy: Yeah, ‘cos that’s worked great so far.

(Argh! Too many screencaps, so this is continued in part 2!)