#is a ziplock of reeces xmas trees
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bruh-
#is2g childhood abuse and CPTSD are so EMBARASSING SOMETIMES---#like why am i able to force myself through laughing off a card that misgenders me and a whole fuckload of 'its not too late to come back#to the church' 'its not too late to let jesus save ur soul' ass books. but then the thing that sends me into hysterical snotty shaking sobs#is a ziplock of reeces xmas trees#[like i am Aware its not jUST the candy that did this. moreso that its the shock of being reminded of one of the FEW memories i have from#childhood that wasnt laced with physical emotional and financial abuse. and seeing it without warning felt like a taunt at#what my childhood COULD have been......SHOULD have been...but never WAS. and that opened the black hole in my chest that i do my best to#pretend isnt there every single fucking day i walk this earth. but god DAMN]#just feels so fucking stupid when i think of it as an outside 3rd party#like 'wtf is up with THEM-?'#if yall have parents / mothers that actually love you. hold them SO tightly im not even kidding you have No idea how gifted you are.....#vent
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