#is just him being a recently widowed hot single dad who has two dogs and has himbo energo that is also the nicest person ever

[molinaesque]

Walton Goggins (The Unicorn, 2019) | Backyard Barbeque

[tabloidtoc]

OK, November 23

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Jeff Bridges opens up about the fight of his life 

Page 2: Contents 

Page 3: Contents 

Page 4: Lori Loughlin’s life behind bars -- Lori’s been having a hard time adjusting to her new reality

Page 6: The holiday season will look a little different for Prince Harry this year -- originally the plan was for Harry to travel to England around Christmastime and Meghan Markle reluctantly agreed though she was far from happy with the idea but now with new travel restrictions in place due to Covid-19 she’s told him there’s no way they’re leaving California which is crushing for Harry who was looking forward to spending the holidays with the royals especially since he missed out last year and he’s been horribly homesick these last few months and he misses the holiday traditions he grew up with even though he loves his life in America with Meghan and son Archie 

Page 7: Newly single Kelly Clarkson has been swooning over country crooner Brett Eldredge her collaborator on the flirty new Christmas tune Under the Mistletoe -- they spent lots of time together in the studio and on the phone and really bonded while they were cutting this sexy song, Brad Pitt’s most recent ex-girlfriend Nicole Poturalski has started talking to friends about what happened between them in detail and it’s an embarrassing mess for Brad who prides himself on privacy, after 16 seasons as colleagues and sparring BFFs on The Voice Adam Levine and Blake Shelton are besties no more because there was a lot of talk between them about keeping in touch and hanging out after Adam left the show but amid lingering tensions neither has made an effort and Adam may not even be invited when Blake marries Gwen Stefani

Page 8: Ever since Sofia Richie split for good from Scott Disick she’s been out every night with some really shady types to the dismay of her dad Lionel Richie who is not liking what he’s hearing about her partying and dating habits -- Sofia has already jumped into a new relationship with Cha Cha Matcha founder Matthew Morton and is hanging nonstop with his crew -- Lionel thought breaking free from Scott would mean a calmer life but it just sees like she’s gone off the rails, Betty White is already gearing up to celebrate her 99th birthday in January with a low-key yet reverent bash, she’s been linked to several Hollywood hunks of late but Lily James just wants her old beau back and she’s regretting breaking off her five-year relationship with Matt Smith -- since the split she’s been linked to Dominic West and Armie Hammer and Chris Evans and the onslaught has only made her miss Matt more -- Matt’s always had her back and Lily knows she made a mistake letting him go but Matt feels duped regarding all the rumors about her and other guys but she swears nothing happened and that she misses him

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- stars wow in romantic ruffled gowns -- Keke Palmer, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kirsten Dunst 

Page 11: Lupita Nyong’o, Halsey 

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Renee Bargh vs. Alessandra Ambrosio

Page 14: News In Photos -- Paris Jackson posed for a portrait in Beverly Hills days before releasing her debut solo album 

Page 15: Adam Brody with his newborn son in Malibu, pregnant Jinger Duggar stepped out in Venice with husband Jeremy Vuolo and their daughter Felicity for lunch, Lady Gaga on stage at a drive-in concert in Pittsburgh 

Page 16: Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell headed out for brunch with one of their twin daughters in Encino, Camila Cabello held on tight to one of her three pups while chasing another one who escaped from his leash in Miami, Pierce Brosnan playing golf in Hawaii 

Page 18: DJ Diplo took a dip in the ocean in Miami, John Legend took his Ford Mustang out for a spin with wife Chrissy Teigen and one of their dogs in Beverly Hills 

Page 19: Bella Thorne and boyfriend Benjamin Mascolo in Rome, Scott Disick was Ace Ventura for Halloween in L.A. 

Page 20: Ruff Life -- stars show love for their canine companions -- Ariel Winter and her latest rescue Cobey, Jamie Chung and her dog, soccer star Alex Morgan with her dogs Kona and Blue 

Page 21: Nev Schulman cuddled up with Dancing With the Stars partner Jenna Johnson’s dog Ziggy, PLEASE ADOPT, DON’T SHOP  

Page 22: Shawn Mendes on a walk in Miami, Kate Mara stopped by Target with her daughter, Ellen DeGeneres dressed up as a nurse who is her favorite superhero 

Page 24: Skai Jackson headed to rehearsals for Dancing With the Stars, Elizabeth Lyn Vargas of Real Housewives of Orange County gave a tour of her home, Joe Jonas strolling daughter Willa around the neighborhood 

Page 25: Thomas Brodie-Sangster attended the premiere of Stardust a biopic about David Bowie in London, Donnie Wahlberg and Steve Schirripa filmed a scene for Blue Bloods in Brooklyn 

Page 26: Taking over duties from Prince Harry his stepmother Duchess Camilla arrived at the Field of Remembrance to commemorate those who lost their lives in the armed forces in London, Amber Heard enjoyed a hike with her dog in L.A., Renee Elisa Goldsberry and Sara Bareilles and Paula Pell and Busy Philipps filmed a scene for Tina Fey’s upcoming series Girls5Eva in NYC 

Page 27: Offset delivered free food to voters waiting in line on Election Day, Ciara in Seattle 

Page 28: Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes have finally become husband and wife in a low-key ceremony in the backyard of their L.A. home with just a handful of family and close friends like Steve Carell and Emma Stone were in attendance -- Ryan wore jeans with a button-down shirt while Eva wore a red dress from her own collection -- now that the party’s over Eva and Ryan have been talking about having a third child

Page 29: Reality hit Love Is Blind hooked viewers with its OMG premise but the show’s married cohosts Nick Lachey and Vanessa Lachey were decidedly less riveting and their presenting style was laughably wooden and stiff and while the duo is slated to return for the show’s second season Nick and Vanessa have been put on notice to spice it up, Tori Spelling is freaking out at the prospect of her husband Dean McDermott spending six months alone in Toronto which is the same town where he cheated on her seven years ago -- Dean has signed on to star in Canadian TV show Lady Dicks and while Tori should be thrilled that that he’ll be bringing in some income for their often-struggling family of seven she is preparing for the worst 

Page 30: While it appears Nina Dobrev and Shaun White have spent 2020 in hardcore flirt mode Nina’s friends have cautioned that this is a dead-end romance because Shaun shows up and posts pictures of them on social media but the fact is they’ve barely spent any time together and they hook up and then he goes back to his own place -- Shaun rarely invites Nina to either of his two Hollywood Hills pads and is proving his flaky reputation is legit, things are looking up for parents-to-be Kit Harington and Rose Leslie after a rocky start to their marriage the two are finally in a happy place -- Kit has stopped boozing and this baby has put a fire under him to be more accommodating and besides helping update and baby-proof the couple’s 15th century countryside manor Kit’s been more attentive to Rose in every way, Love Bites -- Erika Jayne and Tom Girardi split, Maya Erskine and Michael Angarano are engaged and expecting, Ashlee Simpson welcomed her second child with husband Evan Ross 

Page 32: Cover Story -- Jeff Bridges: I’m not giving up -- how the beloved star is coping during his brave health battle 

Page 36: Katherine Heigl why she disappeared -- the reason Katherine walked away from the spotlight ad how she found her way back 

Page 38: Home Alone turns 30 -- in honor of the holiday classic’s milestone anniversary secrets and trivia about the movie and its stars 

Page 40: Feel the Burn -- fitness fanatic Morgan Coleman is here to take your home workout up a notch 

Page 42: Healthy Holidays -- how stars stay fit and feeling their best during the festive season 

Page 46: Style Week -- Olivia Culpo has teamed up with her siblings on an exclusive collection for Macy’s 

Page 48: What’s Hot Right Now -- Madewell wants you to Make Weekends Longer with its new sustainable MWL collection 

Page 49: Steal Her Style -- Drew Barrymore 

Page 50: Dress the Halls -- festive pieces to rock through the holidays even if you’re celebrating at home -- AnnaSophia Robb 

Page 54: Entertainment 

Page 55: Q&A -- Jake Tyson

Page 58: Buzz -- Just weeks after Kim Kardashian West was slammed over her 40th birthday bash Kendall Jenner received similar criticism for throwing a jam-packed soiree for her 25th birthday 

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Cameron Diaz on having a baby at 47, Conan O’Brien on the props that were stolen from his late-night set, Sacha Baron Cohen joking that he and his wife Isla Fisher are not A-listers, Anne Hathaway on the embarrassing ways she handled the lockdown 

Page 61: Florence Pugh on her close relationship with her Black Widow costar Scarlett Johansson, Christine Quinn on not being bothered by negative comments, Chelsea Handler on crushing on New York governor Andrew Cuomo 

Page 62: Horoscope -- Lisa Bonet turned 53 on November 16 

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Colin Jost

[sjbuchananbarnes]

The one Steve found out

Steve rogers x reader 

W.c: 2.8k 

The one where she finds out

-

“No more,Nat.” You whined laying with your arms open, panting on the blue mats of the gym. Work out with Black Widow for fun my ass you though, she was one tough lady.  

“C’mon five more pulls ups and I’ll flash you.” She joked, patting your leg.

“Don’t tease me.” You went along and got up to do your last pull ups. As you were to busy doing your pull ups you heard the loud voices of Bucky and Sam booing in the gym, silently Steve and Sharon followed.

“ Damn Y/n, keeping it tight!” Sam whistled as he made his way to the redhead and you.

“Your welcome.” Nat pointed her finger at you.

“Please, sweet cakes over here has only me to thank, I actually helped her build muscle.” Bucky threw his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his chest.

“Yeah and he doesn't bribe me by telling me he’ll show his tits.” You chuckled at your friend.

“What?” Sam whipped his head to Nat who just shrugged her shoulders.

“Never mind, why are you working out with me, when you can have her?” Bucky jokes.

“Quick Y/n, don’t look!” Sam pointed behind you, to the corner were Steve and Sharon were currently kissing, Steve had both his arms at the side of her hips with her back against the wall.

“What?” You turned around to see the lovely couple. “Sam, I don’t care. I have a date tonight.”

“What, with who?” Bucky looked down at you.

“Some guy named Luca.” You shrugged. “Wanda set me up with him.”

“What about Steve and Sharon?” Sam questioned.

“Oh you mean where i've been jealous the past three month, yeah I decided to let that go.” You threw the group a very obvious smile. “Hell he could throw her through the damn walls for all I care.” You grumbled.

“Yeah plus Wanda said he was smokin’ hot.” Nat nodded her head eagerly.

“Ooh who’s smokin’ hot?” Sharon asked as they made their way into the group.

“Her date.”

“Date?” Steve asked, even though he was sharon he was still mad, ‘selfish’ he though.

“Yeah, don’t want to be single for the rest of my life.”  

“Great..great.” Steve threw you a small smiled.

After an awkward amount of silence you decided to finally speak up, “Well I’m going to go shower, bye.” Turning around to walk out , Nat called you out.

“Hold up, girl, I’m going too.” She jogged over to you.” You okay?” Whispering so no one herd.

“I’m fine, Nat.”

-

“Alright how do I look.” You gave them a spin, deciding on an emerald green off the shoulder dress that stop right above the knee, hugging you tight on all the right places, and a pair of black suede strappy heels.

Bucky and Tony let out a whistle, “Damn, you sure you have to go on a date with that jackass tonight. Why don’t you cancel and we could go out.” Bucky threw you a wink.

You let out a chuckle and leaned down to give him a kiss on the cheek “Always, such a gentlemen, Buck.”

“I try.” He gave you a cheeky smile.

“I’ll be back later.” You turned to leave.

“Well if the date goes well, hopefully you won't.” Tony spoke up from his spot, holding his healthy two month old baby girl, Morgan, in his arms.

“Cross your fingers.” You crossed your fingers and raised them up over your head, with your back to them.

“Good luck.” Wanda and Nat yelled, and Steve shifted in his seat.

After you left the group continued to talk but Stve couldn’t keep his head in the conversation.

“So how well do we know this Luca?” Steve questioned as he crossed his arms against his chest.

“Well enough.” Wanda replied and moved her attention to the tv once again.

“But like how well, what if he does something to her?” He continued.

“Steve she could literally kill that guy with a spoon, two hundred diffrent types of way may I add.” Sam assured.

“Yeah we helped her.” Nat nodded her head, like a proud parent.

-

“Y/N?” You were pulled out of trace by a deep voice and set your red wine down.

“Luca?” Getting up from your seat at the bar and took a couple of steps towards him, wow he looks like a baby Thor. He was well over six feet tall he had a beard going on, blue eyes, and light brown hair, very broad shoulders, clearly works out.    

“Wow, your even more gorgeous than what Wanda made you out to be.” He extended his hand and gave you a friendly kiss on the cheek.

“Oh please.” You jokeling scoffed.”I think her words for you were ‘smoking hot’ witch I do have to agree.” You giggled as you made your way to the table thanks to the waiter.

It was going well, for the first half, then things start to simmer down, there was a long awkward silences, stiff conversion and what you decided to do when a date starts to go bad , and your in too deep, you drink!

“You want to know something stupid my friend is doin like really really stupid, getting a cat with someone that you’ve being only dating for three months.”  You took another sip of your long island iced tea, Luca just started at you not knowing what to say. “Hey! Do you have any idea how long cats live for?”

“Maybe 15-16 years.” He mumbled as he played with his food on the plate, he saw the look on your face and couldn’t help but wonder if it was anything deeper. “Say is this person more than just a friend,maybe an ex boyfriend?”

“He wishes.” You snorted.

-

“How do you think her date is going?” Wanda asked as she had Nat seated between her legs, braiding her hair.

“I think it’s going great, I mean she hasn’t called for us to bail her out.” Nat shrugged and kept her eyes closed.

A very tense Steve still sat on the couch waiting for you to come home from the date, his phone no were to be seen.

-

“I mean it’s a cat.” You continued, smiling at the waitress who poured you another glass of wine. “He doesn't even like cats, he’s a dog person! You don’t have to be a genius to figure that out! Why can’t they get a pet… I don’t know, fly!”

“Alright any dessert?” The blonde gave the two of you a smile, man did she feel sorry for this dude.

“No.” Lucas quickly answered, he cleared his throat,”Just the check please.” He flashed his perfectly straight teeth at her.

“Oh no, you’re not having any fun now are you?”

“No, no I am. Only because i've been playing Jurassic Park in my head.” He nodded.

“ Look at me.” You mumbled “I’m on a date with a really great guy, hell you even look like Thor, and all I think about is thoes stupid blue eyes and that cat and his little girlfreind.” You whined. “I just want to get over it you know.” You leaned on your palm.

Luca let out a sighed but continued, “Listen I just got over a really long relationship and something that helped me was closure.

“Closure!” You gasped.” That’s what I need. God your brilliant, how did I not think of that. “ You slapped your forehead,”Now how do I get that?.”

“Well there isn’t one specfic way to get that, just whatever it takes for you to finally  say I’m over you.” Man this dude was awesome, you though.

“I’m over you.” You repeated” That’s what it is, now you don’t think I could also borrow your phone?”

He stared at you he can’t believe this is his first official date since his break up, maybe he should stay single.

Without saying another word he leaned back in his chair and watched the show unfold, you quickly grabbed his phone and started to dial the number you memorised by heart by now.

“Voice mail, great! Just waiting for the beep” You told your date, how he wanted to be in his bed right now he thought.

“Great.” He nodded.

“Steve, hey it’s me Y/N.” You giggled. “I just wanted to call and say that everything is fine, I’m really happy for you and your cat, and I even came up with a name, avocado! And I’m thinking of names, so obviously I am over you, I am over you, and that my friends is what they call closure!”  You chucked back your phone into the purse.

-

“So nice of you take me home.” You giggled into the man's chest. “I’m sorry it was such a crap show.”

“It’s okay.” He stood next you waiting for Nat to come and get you from the reception room so you wouldn't wander alone into the tower. “Some people are meant to be together, but I would like to be your friend tough, you seem very interesting.” He let out a chuckle, maybe he gain a friendship out of this he thought.

You let out a gasp, “Yes the team will love you, and I’m like 100% your one of Thor’s long lost brother, you know since his dad could never keep track of his children and all.”

“Right.” His laugh boomed through the quiet room.

“Fun date?” Nat walked in, a nice white plush robe covering her body.

“Interesting is more of the right word I would say.” He helped her to the elevator. “Bye.” He gave a final wave.

“Bye Thor!”  

-

A balck coffee and an aspirin laid  in front of you.

“How has Tony not invented a cure for a hangover already?” You laid you face on the cool marble counter, Nat and Wanda let out a chuckle.

“You’ll live.” The brunette patted your back and walked out of the kitchen.

“We want details on the date in an hour.” Nat followed her actions.

After a couple more minutes of silence Steve walked in.

“Y/n, how was the date?” He tried to ask casually, like if he didn’t care, as he poured a cup of coffee.

“Well, there was a restaurant and there was definitely alcohol.” You leaned on your palm and stared at his every move. ‘Damn that shirt for begin to tight’  hell sometimes you though he did that on purpose just so he show off.

“Sorry about that, hey have you seen my phone I lost track of it yesterday.”  He took a sip of his coffee as he leaned on the opposite side of the bar.

“No I haven't, sorry. You want me to call it?” You raised your phone.

“That would be great,doll.” He threw you his award winning smile. You grabbed the phone and went to your recently called.

“Hmp, that’s weird. It says I called you last night, but I don’t remember that.”

“Butt dial?”

“Maybe.” There was a silence until you hear the phone ring in the kitchen.

“Found it.” Steve stood up straight. “It was in one of the pots, Sam and Bucky must have put it there.” He chuckled and looked at his notifications.“I got a voicemail from you.”

“Steve are you sure we didn’t speak last night?” You asked, man you were sure you did.

“No after you left I knocked out on the couch, didn’t hear a thing.”

“Mmh, that’s weird.” You started to walk of the kitchen when you came right back in, to face to face with Steve’s phone to his ear. “Steve put down the phone.”

“Avocado?”

“Oh my god.” You mumbled “Steve, no!” You jumped over the counter in one swift movement your legs wrapped around his tiny waist “Give me the phone, give me the phone!” You tried to yank the phone away. “Give me the..!”You finally got it out of his grip, the phone went flying to the other side of the kitchen, broken to say the least.

There was a silence in the room, only your panting begin heard.That was until Steve spoke up.

“Your over me?”

“Oh god.” You slid of his back and rested your head on his back for second

“Wha? You're… You're over me? Over… me ? When were you under me?” Steve was having a really hard time understanding what was happening.

“Oh god..” You mumbled into your hands as you sat on the kitchen counter.

“Y/n, what? What’s going on? Please.” He begged.

“Well, basically for the longest time, I’ve had the feeling, for you.” You mumbled looking at your hands, not daring to look at Steve.  

“You’ve.. Had feelings for me?”

“yeah so what, you’ve had feelings for me first!”

“Whoa, you know I had , I had, you know?” He couldn’t for a sentence.

“Yeah Bucky told me.”

“Bucky, when?”

“The night you left to DC, to be with sharon.”

“Y/n that was four months ago!” He ran his long fingers through his hair.”Oh god Sharon.” He had completely forgotten about her. Steve paced around the kitchen, mumbling things you didn’t quite get to hear. “And now what, now what? Your just over me?” He stopped right in front of you, his deep blue eyes staring right at you.

“Are you over me?”

But before he could answer you were interrupted by a cell phone ring, his cell phone.

“That’s Sharon.”

“Steve?”

“Hey Sharon.” He picked up the phone completely ignoring you.” Yeah, alright I’ll be right down.” He hung up the phone.

“Wait your leaving?” You hopped off the counter, man you really though he would stay.

“Well I mean, I have to, she’s waiting down stairs, she’s got a cab, she’s my girlfriend, I have to go. “

“Okay.”

“Cat.”

“What?”

“Were going to go get the cat.” Steve stated and he walked out.

“Your getting the cat.” You sighed going to meet up with your friends.

-

“I didn’t get the cat.” Steve barged into the gym room, startling you were the only one there.

“Oh that’s… that’s interesting.”

“No, no It’s not okay? Not at all, 100% not okay.”

“Okay, I get it Steve.”

“No, no you never had the right to tell me you had feelings for me!”  His chest was rising and yours was mimicking his.

“What?” You snarled,” You don’t get to tell me what I can and I can’t so Steven, this isn’t 1930.”

“I was doing great with Sharon, before I found out.”

“Well I was doing a hell of a lot better as well Steve. You think it’s easy for me? To see you have her against every fucken wall of this tower.” You voice cracked, there was a sting on your throat and nose.

“Well you should have said something before I asked her out!”

“I didn’t know then, this isn’t like regular relationship, you know we have to put in work before our feelings, what if I told you and you didn't feel the same! How come you never said anything to me?” You jabbed your finger into his chest.

“There was never a good time.”

“Right, in the whole ten years of knowing each other there was never time, we only hung out every day!”  

“Not..not every day..” His voice was much quieter this time.”Plus there was always someone around.”

“Hey there was only ever three guys in ten years, and what is your point in this?”

“The point is that I don’t need this right now. It’s too late, I’m with somebody else, I’m happy, this ship has sailed!”

“What, your just going to push these feelings away?” There was hot tears running down your face “Or whatever the fuck you felt?”

“I’ve been putting them away for ten years, I’ve gotten pretty damn good at it.”

“All right you go ahead and you do that!” You pointed towards the door,”You go do that, Steve, I don’t need your stupid ship.”

“Alright.” He slammed the door shut one again.

You turned back around and with all your strength you flung the punched off the punching bag into the ground a pile of sand quickly forming next to it.

Your chest rising and falling quickly you looked at the bag and wiped away your tears you turned away to see Steve standing at the door, staring you down. You froze in place, before he started to march his way to you, before you knew it he was in front of you, both staring into eachothers eyes before you threw yourself onto teacher, your lips met, his lips so soft, they fit so perfectly.  Your hands wandering all over her hair, neck, and cheeks, his lips were so soft .You didn’t want to let another go.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #164: To Fall By Treachery!

October, 1977

Oh hey look!

Whirlwind, Living Laser, and Power Man Not That One! Apparently the theme of this iteration of the Lethal Legion is The Worst.

Then again, the previous version was run by Grim Reaper. So maybe every version of the Lethal Legion is just terrible.

What even qualifies these guys to be the Lethal Legion? Sure, two of them were in the previous incarnation but I don’t think Grim Reaper okayed any franchising. The man is very particular about intellectual property.

Not much to say about the cover. A cool enough battle scene with the Lethal Legion kicking the Avengers’ collective asses. Except for the POV person.

Maybe the Avengers would be doing better if Hank Pym had stayed Ant-Man. Because lets be honest: Ant-Man? Kicks ass. Yellowjacket? Largely ineffectual.

Anyway, lets begin.

WITH FANSERVICE.

He’s single, ladies and gentlemen.

Anyway again, with a filler the previous issue, the Avengers have finally gotten some quiet days to relax, heal, and clean up from the previous several catastrophes.

Now the Avengers can finally look into what is even the deal with Wonder Man. He was raised as a zombie due to the Grim Reaper’s scheming but regained his own memories somehow. During the Grim Reaper’s attack, Wonder Man revealed that he wasn’t quiet human anymore, with eyes that crackled with energy. Ultron’s encephalo-ray had only a temporary effect on him due to this.

So whats the deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal??

Well. He’s become a creature of living energy. His cells are like miniature fusion reactors more than living tissue. Even though his body seems to simulate normal life-signs and functions, he has a totally unique physiology (for now).

He probably wasn’t even dead those years he was dead! Confusing, I know. But perhaps it would be better to say that he was dormant and... metamorphosing. Like a beautiful ionic butterfly.

These answers come from a scientific huddle between Tony Stark, Beast, Black Panther, Yellowjacket, and Alice the lady biochemist.

Her last name is apparently Nugent and she becomes Doctor Spectrum at some point. The things one learns when one just wants to know if a character has a last name.

Anyway, Beast was part of this scientific mosh-pit but he cuts out early, feeling superfluous. Why would Tony Stark even call in a lady bio-chemist? Doesn’t he know that Beast worked in a bio-lab and also is currently insecure about his usefulness to the team?

Doesn’t help that because Beast was too busy making jokes, Black Panther got to all the best exposition before he could.

So basically Beast is feeling underappreciated and useless.

This kind of goes back a ways. Not only has Beast felt useless on the team due to being knocked out or kidnapped or whatever so many times, he also feels like everyone is judging him by his cover and forgetting what he can do. Told to carry heavy things. Yelled at for joking. Disregarded when actual science stuff happens.

Things have gotten so bad he actually misses Patsy, where before he seemed to resent her presence.

I miss Patsy too.

Anyway, can anything break Beast out of this funk? Maybe a dozen hot dogs with mustard.

Except no. The cart guy runs when he sees a blue gorilla man in a trenchcoat very politely attempting to engage in commerce.

WILL NOTHING BREAK BEAST OUT OF HIS- wait what’s happening.

A mob of women has spontaneously manifested to fangirl over Beast. Just clamoring and trying to touch his fur and he has the biggest shit eating grin.

I guess these girls don’t hate and fear mutants. Although its my theory that the Marvel universe is just full of furries because Tigra faced a very similar response in issue #215 when she was on the Avengers roster.

People in the Marvel U just love people with a full-body fur coat.

And are rudely handsy and slut shamey. For shame, the Marvel public.

ANYWAY. Believe it or not, Beast getting his esteem back via effusive female appreciation actually ties into the plot.

A mysterious monocle man with an N ring drives by the growing crowd and hopes that Beast doesn’t recognize him. OH IF ONLY HE DIDN’T HAVE TO DRIVE HIMSELF LIKE SOME KIND OF PROLE.

But, yeah, no, Galactus could run by and Beast wouldn’t notice it right now. You’re good, monocle guy. Well, not morally. You know what I mean.

Monocle man heads to the docks to meet up with... POWER MAN (no not that one).

But the original. The cheap knockoff version of Wonder Man. Eric Josten. He who did a crime and destroyed the Avengers just because he was smitten with Enchantress. And then quit crime because she abandoned him. And then recrimed because Black Widow told him to. And also was in the first Lethal Legion even though there were no morally dubious ladies to tell him to. That Power Man.

Wanna know something hilarious? Between then and now, Luke Cage beat the shit out of Josten for possession of the Power Man name. And Luke Cage doesn’t even really like the name. Perhaps beating up Eric Josten was reward enough.

Eric Josten doesn’t like being reminded that he lost his own, uninspired name and hucks a crate weighing tons at Mysterious Monocle Man, or Count Nefaria for short.

Count Nefaria would be dead and this story would be a lot shorter had he not been smart enough to hide behind a hologram.

He offers to increase Josten’s power should he agree to be in his employ and dang but Josten is impressed by this dude not getting crushed by a crate. He’s in.

Count Nefaria sets him his first task: breaking two others out of prison. We can guess who because they are on the cover.

SEVERAL DAYS LATER, the Whizzer is relevant to this book again.

He’s listening to the news, as old people are wont to do, and not being retired very well. For example, he reads about a prison break and wonders if the Avengers will need help corralling the escapees. And hears about a bank robbery that the police are helpless to stop and immediately springs into action, getting into costume and racing towards the door.

And nearly kills Scarlet Witch.

She was coming to visit his old man self because at this point, he’s still her dad. And to avoid running over her, he slams himself into a wall. ... I know people prefer Magneto as the twins’ dad but are we absolutely sure that this man isn’t Quicksilver’s dad?

Anyway, Wanda starts yelling at him for almost dying again. Whats he doing risking having another heart attack and going out to fight bank robbers? You’re retired, the Whizzer! Tony Stark gave you a nice, undisclosed job and you have a nice home and at least one child who visits! Relax and enjoy your retirement!

And then she steals the bank robbery all for herself.

Also, we finally get the retcon for that time Scarlet Witch flew with Wanda wishing she still had that experimental flying belt she was testing for Stark. Everyone get that? EXPERIMENTAL FLYING BELT. But it didn’t work so we’ll never see it again.

Plot hole filled.

At the bank robbery, the obvious suspects are bank robbering. Living Laser, Whirlwind, and Villain Formerly Known As Power Man. But they are bank robbering on Count Nefaria’s orders.

Hmm... why would a richie rich hire supervillains to rob a bank? Or drive his own car?

But no time to wonder about that. This is an Avengers book so lets see some Avengers. Lets see some Avengers entering the scene by smacking Living Laser in the face with a shield.

Because if there’s one constant its that Living Laser definitely deserves to get hit in the face with a shield.

Although. I’m not sure whats wrong with Hank Pym here. He’s all standing not shrunk but telling Cap he’ll totally shrink on command but why wouldn’t he already be shrunk? Wasp is already shrunk. She knows where its at.

So this is a fight.

Power Man charges forward and WHAM!s Cap before he can get his shield back.

Weirdly, Cap doesn’t recognize him. Despite Power Man embarrassing the kooky quartet and being the impetus behind Cap rage-quitting the team like a Hawkeye.

... So maybe that’s why he doesn’t recognize him. On purpose.

Apparently Hank did finish those power-ups to his and Jan’s powerset he promised to do before he got amnesia because he and Wasp are faster than ever.

Nearby, Black Panther squares up against Whirlwind because... ...? I guess he probably has the best reflexes on the team. Or maybe they have a grudge match because of that one time they fought in a garage.

Anyway, Whirlwind puts the spin cycle on Black Panther.

Geez. Its like when a cat grabs the pull cord for a ceiling fan.

Cap breaks off to catch him which loses the Avengers the advantage since Living Laser is able to recover.

Remember, he once took over a South American country. He was a big deal in his intro issues and a significantly less of a big deal anytime else.

Free of distractions and standing in front of the Perez store, Living Laser prepares to atomize both Cap and the Panther when suddenly Scarlet Witch enters the fight and is MVP again.

I’m digging that she’s consistently so competent recently.

She causes a water main to break, geysering Living Laser up into the air, and causing thousands in property damage that Tony Stark will probably have to pay for.

Huh. Its not clear whether this is her upgraded control of nature powerset or the probability manipulation one. It could go either way.

With Scarlet Witch evening and perhaps bamboozling the odds, Power Man convinces the other two that its time to go. Living Laser melts the street into tar to slow the Avengers’ pursuit.

So the Avengers don’t even bother. Cap decides its too risky for Yellowjacket and Wasp to pursue alone. There will be another chance to get those goofs.

In the meantime, he reflects that the team has been falling short of its rep lately. A subject which he has a lot of bitter, unspoken words about.

Meanwhile, in a secret laboratory, Nefaria has wind blowing his cape indoors. Perhaps small vents set near the floor.

Anyway, there are some scientists. And they are working on something called Project N because of course Count Nefaria would have a Project N.

These scientists were in Nefaria’s employ when last he showed up and tried to blackmail the world with a Doomsmith Command System because the obvious step up from weirdly squeamish Not-Mafia leader was Obvious Bond Villain.

He was stopped by the X-Men but Thunderbird died stupidly and pointlessly, punching a jet to death.

The scientists quit when Nefaria couldn’t pay them, having gone bankrupt on his Obvious Bond Villain scheme but now he has bank robbery money to get them their back pay so they’ll finish the project for him.

One of the scientists even helped design the machine Zemo used to create Wonder Man and later Power Man.

And speaking of Power Man, those three idiots Nefaria duped into working for him are the ideal subjects for the project.

DUN DUN DUN?

Oh and once the Lethal Legion has exhausted their usefulness and Nefaria has sent them off to their doom, he will enjoy “dismissing” the scientists. A phrasing that none of them decide is at all ominous nor do they draw a connection between themselves and the other lackies that Nefaria just said he was going to get rid of.

I mean, look at this. Look at how the lettering changes for that line. He is definitely going to kill them and is only being slightly subtle about it.

Whats that thing about the difference between Intelligence and Wisdom as DnD concepts again?

Meanwhile upstairs, the Lethal Legion squabble. Because most villains dislike each other. I think its a matter of big personalities.

For example, Living Laser is complaining that bank robbing is beneath him. And fair enough. His MO tends to lean more towards pointless destruction and coups. Whirlwind doesn’t like to work for anyone else. Plus, this mansion is dusty and there are no servants so Whirldwind correctly deduces that Nefaria has gone broke and is using the three of them to steal him some quick, easy cash.

But Power Man believes that Nefaria is going to boost their powers and doesn’t think the other two should be so high and mighty when he had to break them out of jail.

Before this verbal spat can escalate, Nefaria calls them down to the lab to totally increase their powers swearsies.

The next day, the Avengers sit around and gossip.

Even though Iron Man is the Avengers Chairman he’s been awfully absent lately. Sure, his employer (how did anyone ever fall for this?) Tony Stark has been having troubles but that’s no excuse! The Avengers need their leader in this trying time!

And Captain America intends to discuss that very subject! Once they have quorum. DEMOCRACY!

Beast finally shows up and brings them up to quorum. He’s been missing for two days but hey, bright side, he’s in a lot better mood.

Captain America: “Beast! Where have you been for the past two days?”

Beast: “Well... I promised Barb, Sue, Melanie and Paty I wouldn’t tell -- but it was a gas!”

Has Beast just come back from an orgy? He’s gone for two days, in the company of several women who presumably were the ones who were groping him on the street, and he smugly insinuates that he’s not going to kiss and tell.

(Fun? Fact: Paty is a reference to Paty Greer, a Marvel artist and Head of Production. That’s, uh, an interesting way to cameo a coworker.)

I can’t believe that this is where Beast’s insecurity plotline was heading. Or rather, I could because I’ve read these issues before, but if I hadn’t I can’t believe that this is where Beast’s insecurity plotline was heading.

I’m not even mad.

Oh anyway suddenly a car is thrown in through the window.

The Lethal Legion have returned for a rematch.

Cap tells the Avengers to hang back until they can be sure that the injured Wasp is okay then they can attack as a group. TEAM WORK, y’know?

But Power Man inadvertently activates Wonder Man’s McFly button by calling the Avengers cowards for not immediately leaping at people who threw a car at them.

I mean, he couldn’t have known that Wonder Man has been dealing with a fear of death, not eased by learning he didn’t even actually die the first time.

Actually, that’s what has Wonder Man so nettled in this particular instance. Power Man went through the same process he did but he didn’t pay the same price Wonder Man did. He didn’t die. He didn’t become some inhuman (but not Inhuman) thing. So fuck you Power Man, you can’t be as strong as Wonder Man because you haven’t earned-

WHUMP!

Yeah. Wonder Man that wasn’t the most brilliant move right there.

Of course, one setback and Wonder Man’s confidence shatters and he’s hesitating in battle again. Of course freezing up in the midst of three supervillains is REALLY ILL-ADVISED.

So despite Cap’s tactical plan going to blork he figures heck with it, charge anyway.

And having draped an unconscious Wasp over his arm and declared that medically there’s nothing more he can do for her, Yellowjacket leaves her and joins in. Also, calls dibs on Power Man. Because that’s how superheroics work.

Usually superheroes also stop crimes instead of waiting for people to attack them at home but the Avengers flipped the script.

Beast leaps at Whirlwind and clings to his back. And manages to hold on despite the spin cycle! Good job Beast!

But then Power Man just peels him right off Whirlwind and punches him into the horizon. If this comic weren’t a coward, he would have made the Team Rocket twinkle.

At least now he’ll be air dried after running through the wash.

Power Man then goes looking to finish off Wonder Man. Professional rivalry or some such? But Yellowjacket intercepts him because he’s got Dibs. And he also enhanced his supersuit by integrating his disruptor gun into the suit powered by his shoulder wing vibrations.

See, now the giant shoulder wings aren’t completely pointless!

Actually, I think he uses them to fly? But I like to think it was mostly ornamentation. Like some nice rims on your car? Because the Yellowjacket suit was originally designed when Hank was going through a chemical induced disassociative middle life crisis episode?

But So Last Season strikes so soon and while Yellowjacket’s disruptor blast hurts Power Man when he thought nothing could hurt him, it isn’t enough to stop him.

It is enough to make him really peeved so now Yellowjacket goes crush, okay? And next, Luke Cage!

And then Power Man’s muscles go all rubbery and he falls over with the slab he was hoisting falling on top of him.

Wonder Man is a bit bummed. He should have been able to take him out from the start. What kind of hero was he that he couldn’t beat up everything forever the first try?

The Avengers really need a therapist on staff. I think being able to talk to someone about these things would help instead of just bottling it up. Or Wonder Man can do what Beast did to improve his esteem.

Anyway, Living Laser and Whirlwind also find themselves with superpower performance problems and Black Panther and Scarlet Witch take them out easily.

Black Panther is not afraid of flipping off a gift horse though and claims that he totally could have beaten Living Laser either way. I mean, probably. That’s his function as a hero in these books. To win, either way, eventually.

And more of Scarlet Witch’s power confusion. I don’t think hurling a bench at someone is really tapping into natural power but also what probability are you altering so a bench just launches itself across a street?

Seconds later, Beast shows up. That is an amazing rate of speed. He was tossed into the horizon! He really booked!

Anyway, despite what Black Panther said earlier, now he’s saying they were cheated of their victory against the Lethal Legion. The Lethal Legion were someone’s dupe and sent them here to be defeated. And beating up villains gift-wrapped for you doesn’t count as a win in Black Panther’s book, no sir.

Perhaps things change later but this kind of cements these thing villains as goofuses. Power Man was already there, having lost his name to Luke Cage. Living Laser was pretty much there too. Despite stealing the Serpent Crown, his second big outing against the Avengers left him an afterthought to his stolen superpowered tyke bomb. And Whirlwind got shot in the nipple once by Yellowjacket. So, okay, maybe they were always goofuses. But this cemented it by making them patsies too.

Oh and the Avengers don’t have to wait long for the other shoe to drop as a giant shock wave makes a sine wave out of the street, tossing the Avengers hither and yon.

BU-THOOM!

The non-secret mastermind of this whole thing shows his face. Again. To the Avengers. We’ve seen him before in this issue and they’ve seen him before a LOOOOOOOONG time ago, back when he believed in the silliest of plans and not personally murdering people.

And like an RPG boss or a pokemon, Nefaria has evolved into a stronger form: EVIL SUPERMAN.

I mean, we’ll get into it more later but basically evil Superman. One of Marvel’s many.

I like his cape askew. Its distinctive but also ludicrously pretentious. That and the giant N on the belt makes this pretty peak Nefaria.

Oh and he’s totally going to kill the Avengers. Yeah. He no longer has qualms about dirtying his hands. With murder blood.

I’ll have further Nefaria thoughts at the end of this story.

Next time: EVIL SUPERMAN